06x24 - Cousin Raymond

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Good Times". Aired: February 8, 1974, to August 1, 1979.*
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A spin-off of Maude, which itself is a spin-off of All in the Family, making Good Times the first television spin-off from another spin-off; revolving around a poor family making the best of things in the Chicago housing projects.
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06x24 - Cousin Raymond

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Anytime you meet a payment ♪

♪ Good times ♪
♪ Anytime you need a friend ♪

♪ Good times ♪ ♪ Anytime
you're out from under ♪

♪ Not gettin' hassled
Not gettin' hustled ♪

♪ Keepin' your
head above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Scratchin' and survivin' ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Hangin' in a chow line ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good times ♪♪

Come on, double six. Just what I
needed! Thelma, I'm gonna get you now.

Okay, don't cheat too much now.

Hey, Ma, what's for
dinner? I'm starvin'.

Well, the chicken
dynasty is still on.

Wait a minute. A few days
ago, we had chicken breasts.

Yeah, and the day before
yesterday we had chicken wings.

Yeah, and yesterday
we had chicken legs.

In other words, today's menu is
gonna read, "Last exit to Chicken City."

I'm using it all.

We're having chicken stew.

Oh, that figures.

♪ Hi, hi, hi ♪

Well, whatever you're
collecting for, count me in!

Come on in here, girls!

Good evening. We
deliver singing telegrams.

We're the Real Live Cables.

Well, then. I've always heard it's
dangerous to touch a live cable,

but in this case,
I'll give it a sh*t.

J.J.

Girls, I think you're
in the wrong place.

Well, this is
apartment 17C, isn't it?

- Yes, it is.
- Well, we have a message
for Pooky-Poo.

Whooky-Who? Sounds like you're
looking for someone Hawaiian.

I'm sorry, but Don Ho moved
out of the projects years ago.

Now, what kinda weirdo would
answer to the name of Pooky-Poo?

Really.

You, Ma?

That used to be my
nickname 20 years ago.

Oh, my goodness.
I bet I know who...

♪ Cousin Raymond's
comin' at you Pooky-Poo ♪

♪ Cousin Raymond's
comin' at you Pooky-Poo ♪

♪ Yes, a happy future beckons ♪

♪ He'll be here
in just a second ♪

♪ So get ready for your
cousin Pooky-Poo ♪♪

And now, here's Raymond!

Raymond.

Raymond. Come here, boy.

Oh, Raymond.

Pooky-Poo!

My little cousin Pooky-Poo! Let
me take care of some business here.

Well, here you are,
my little warblers.

This will take care of your fee,

and here's a nice
little tip included.

And get yourself
an arranger, hear?

Thank you, Cousin Raymond.

Thank you, girls.

Hold on there, girls.

Uh, what can the
kid get for a quarter?

This... ♪ Good-bye ♪

Pooky, it's good to see you.

Raymond, you're a handsome man!

Thank you. And what
a lovely woman you are.

You look just the way
you did 20 years ago.

And 30 pounds ago.

Just more of you
to admire, Pook.

And what a lovely
family you've got.

Oh, I've been
keeping tabs on ya.

Now, this lean bean here...

This must be, uh, J.J.

J.J., I've heard you're
quite a man with the ladies.

Well, you know, what can I say?

Obviously, you've been
reading the society pages.

No, uh, Fish and Stream.

And this must be Michael,
the legal eagle. Right again.

Cousin Raymond, Mama
has told us a lot about you.

Good to meet you, man. It's
good to meet you too, Michael.

All right.

And this... Not Thelma.

But I can't believe my eyes.

Why, the last time I saw
you, you were wearing diapers.

I remember holding you. I
remember changing you too.

Uh, the way I remember it,

it was you who had
to change your suit.

Oh, Ma.

Cousin Raymond, I'd like you to
meet my husband, Keith Anderson.

Nice to meet you,
Raymond. You too, man.

Thelma, honey, you've
done all right for yourself I see.

Yeah, he used
to have a Cadillac.

Raymond, let me take your coat.

Thank you, darlin'. And you sit
down and make yourself comfortable.

It isn't much, but we call it
home. Sit down, sit down.

What she means is, it's
home, and we call it "not much."

Sit on down here.

You know, Raymond, I
got a bone to pick with you.

I'll bet.

Why'd you disappear off the
earth? I thought maybe you d*ed.

Girl, if I d*ed, you know I'd
come and tell you personally.

Kids, did your mama ever tell
you how when my mama passed...

she took me in to live
with her and her family?

Yeah, your mama raised
me almost single-handed.

And this was the hand that
did it, remember? Mm-hmm.

Let's just say that I've got it
etched in my, uh, memory.

Yeah, but there was
love in every swat.

Mind you, there were
some days when I felt

there was a little bit
too much of that love.

I ought to swat you again!

Well, what made you
stay away so long?

Pook, you remember the time we
used to always talk about making it big?

I remember you talking
about trying to make it big.

You did the talkin'.
I just listened.

Oh, Raymond, I had such
high hopes for you then.

I dreamed of you being
the first black president.

Well, if you ever
make it, brother,

don't forget to appoint me
as ambassador to Lola Falana.

Well, maybe you
didn't make president.

From the way it looks, it seems
most of your dreams have come true.

Well, Pook, you know,
I made up my mind that

I wouldn't come back
until I'd made my own.

And now, I'm not ashamed
to say, I have made it.

All right.

So I'm here now to share
some of that with my people.

Boy, and I can feel
my love bloomin',

especially with all
that green to fertilize it.

- J.J.
- You appear to have a lot
of cash stashed somewhere.

How you make your money?

Michael, shush!
Forgive him, Raymond.

He didn't mean to
pry. Well, that's all right.

But where did you
make your money?

Oh, well, um, I made
some good investments.

- Oh, you play the market?
- Something like that. Yeah.

Yeah, well, I'm in
the market myself.

A&P, Shop n Bag, Finer Foods.

I invested in lettuce when it
was at 29. Should've held on to it.

But old Thelma over there ate up a tomato
and lettuce and mayonnaise sandwich...

and messed up the whole
investment and everything.

Crazy. J.J., you are funny.

Oh, before I forget. I brought
some presents here for everybody.

Whoo-hoo! Look out!

Presents? Hey, Cousin Raymond...
Hey, man, you shouldn't have.

Oh, Raymond,
this isn't necessary!

Oh, come on, Flo. I got a lot.

It gives me great joy to share with
the ones I call my family. All right.

Come on. Let's not
deny the man his joy.

Whoo! Look at this. Great Painters
of the World. Thanks, Cousin Ray Ray!

Yeah, and when the next edition
comes out, I expect you to be in it.

Ma, look at this! Ohh.

Isn't this dress beautiful?

Thelma, it is lovely.

Oh, I don't know what to say.

You said it
beautifully, darling.

- Hey, a gold watch!
- Now, that just ain't
a watch, boy.

This watch has its own
minicomputer. Yeah?

Look here. Hey, it sure does.

Look at it. It says exactly
half past the square root of 35.

- Hey, thanks a lot.
- Hey, y'all,
an alligator wallet!

And there's $100 in
there for good luck...

which is more than
the alligator could say.

Well, I can't accept it.

Uh, no, I insist.

Well, if you insist.

Pooky-Poo, your present is so special that
it's gonna have to wait till after dinner.

Oh. I'm inviting everybody to
dinner this evening at Yamadori's,

the finest Japanese
restaurant in town.

Ah, so!

Number one son-in-law of Pooky
happy to join you in bowl of suki.

A lot different from the old
days, eh, Pook? Remember?

We used to be so down sometime,
we had to reach up to tie our shoes.

What shoes?

Hi. Hi, hi. Hi, Willona.

Thought it was the
right time for me to bring

back this cup of sugar
I borrowed from you.

I bet. Willona,
this is cornmeal!

You might want to
fry some fish. Oh!

Hi. Let me introduce myself.

I'm Raymond Brown,
the coolest man in town.

I'm Willona Woods, I think.

And you're coming to
dinner with us this evening.

Well, uh, I'd love
to. Of course.

Uh, don't be so shy, you two.

Hey, speaking of dinner, what am I
gonna do with all that chicken stew?

Lord, did I hear chicken?

Aha!

That's right. Give all the
chicken ends to Buffalo Butt.

Buffalo... Uh... Oh!

Mr. Bookman, this is my
cousin Raymond Brown.

Raymond, this is Nathan
Bookman, our super.

How you doin', Bookman?
Hey, man, tell me something.

Is that your big limo down
there that's blocking 34th Street,

35th Street and 36th Street?

Now wait a minute.
Lay off it a little bit there.

Man, I've always
wanted to sit in something

that looked like a hearse
and not be lying down.

Be my guest.

Well, of course, you
know, I hate to just sit

around on an empty
stomach, Mrs. Evans. So...

Okay, Bookman. This oughta
keep you for a half an hour.

Oh, Mrs. Evans, come on. I can
not eat a whole pot of chicken stew...

without some bread and butter,
french fries and a little fruit cocktail.

Bookman, get on
outta here with yourself.

At least give me something to rinse
this stuff down with. Try Lake Michigan.

You got a straw? Get on out!

Leave!

Cousin Raymond, I just can't wait
to see what you have for Pooky-Poo.

All right, Thelma. You
see what you started?

No, no, no.

No, that one's gonna
have to wait till after dinner.

Mmm. Yeah, I'm gonna savor
this one to the very last drop.

But I promise you one thing.
You won't be disappointed.

You know, there's an
old Japanese saying.

When Raymond Brown comes to
town, he really knows how to get down!

Lord, give me strength!

Oh, boy. This place
is beautiful, Raymond.

Yeah, but did they
have to steal your shoes?

J.J., it's just a tradition.

Aren't you familiar
with Japanese culture?

Oh, yeah. I've seen all
of "Gonzilla's" movies.

The last time I sat like this was
when we got behind in the payments,

and they repossessed
our furniture.

Well, those days
are gone forever.

Rioko, the very best
for my family. Yes.

Suki gomo.

Panasonic to you too, mama.

Provocative little beverage.

Hey, stuff, what
do you call this?

- Suki gomo.
- No, but in American,
what you call this?

Finger bowl.

You know, J.J., I tell you,
man. You got too much class.

Too much class.

Would you care for
some before dinner? Sure.

Mmm.

Whoo-whee!
That's the real stuff!

100% Mount Fuji.

Willona, Mount
Fuji is a volcano.

Tell me about it.

Can I have a refill of lover?
I mean, lava. I mean, drink.

If you do not wish to use
chopsticks, I will bring forks.

No, the kid wants to
eat with some chopsticks.

I don't believe it... a chopstick
eating with chopsticks.

Mr. Brown, you
have a telephone call.

Thank you, Rioko.

Excuse me a moment.

Imagine that. Getting a
telephone call in a restaurant.

You know, Raymond
must be important.

J.J., what's the matter?
I'm sure the fish is fresh.

It's fresh all right. It's
still trying to get away!

Don't you all know that raw fish
is a Japanese delicacy? Raw?

Excuse me, everybody, but I just remembered
I've got to tell Raymond something.

That's the kind of
news I love to hear.

Sir Gallian came in in the
ninth and paid 10-to-one?

Why, that's another 20 grand.

Man, I'm on a real hot
streak, do you hear me?

Yeah, I'll be down in the morning
to pick up that money personally.

It's closing day
at Arlington Park.

Man, the way my luck is running, I got
the feeling I might take home the track.

See you, baby.

Raymond, is this your
investment business?

The horses?

That's where it's at. Oh.

Gambling.

- I enjoyed that meal.
- It's greasin' down on my face.

Eatin' that food. Gettin' to it!

Cousin Raymond, I want you to know, I'll
always have a warm spot for you right here.

Yeah. That raw fish will
do it to you every time.

Well, I'm gonna be
saying good night.

Well, don't forget. We got
a date for tomorrow night.

I know. Raymond, I never
believed in Cinderella,

but after an evening with you, I'm
gonna go home and hot wax my feet,

'cause I want the
glass slipper to fit.

Well, don't worry about it too much,
Willona. I got one for every size.

Lord, Lord, Lord.

You know, you have a way of making
a woman feel like she's a teenager,

even though she's only 22.

Good night. See
ya later. Good night.

- Pooky-Poo!
- Yes.

Well, it's time for that
present I promised you.

Gather round, everybody.

Here it is.

Keys! I hope to Fort Knox.

Not quite.

This is the key
out of the ghetto...

to a three-bedroom
apartment on Lakeview Drive.

Ooh!

Raymond.

And this is a cashier's check for
$10,000 to pay for the first year's lease.

We have won! We have won!

Raymond, I don't
know about that.

You don't...

Oh, Ma, now come on. This
is what we been waiting for.

It's perfect. A three-bedroom apartment?
That means Michael has his own bedroom.

I have my own bedroom.
You have your own bedroom.

We can leave ol' Thelma
and Keith right here.

Very funny, J.J.

Ma, just think of what a new
apartment would mean to us.

When we'd walk
into the lobby, we'll be

stepping on real carpet
instead of Ned the wino.

Thelma, I'm still not sure!

When you rode up on the elevator,
you'd have Lake Michigan to look at,

not "For a good
time, call Roxanne."

Mama, aren't you the
one who's saying that

you always wanted to
get out of the ghetto?

This doesn't make any sense.

Maybe not.

But before you all decide,

maybe you should know how your
Cousin Raymond makes a living.

- He's a gambler.
- I play the horses.

Whoo! That was close.

Boy.

For a minute there, I thought he did
something crooked, like being a politician.

Raymond is still a gambler.

Now listen, everybody.
You're just gonna have

to give me some
time to think about this.

What's there to
think about, Pooky?

When you had a dime,
you gave me a nickel.

All I want to do is give back some
love to the only people I call family!

Raymond, you
gamble for a living.

But what's wrong with that?

Huh? It's not as if I'm
stealing the money.

I have heard about these
"yesterday millionaires."

Big diamond ring today, and then the
pawn shop tomorrow. No, Raymond, no!

Not me, Pooky.

When I play the horses, I win.

Every time?

If we did move into
that fancy place,

I can't expect you to keep coming
around like some Santa Claus...

bringing expensive toys,

like-like an apartment
that we can't even keep up!

Yeah, hold on. Well,
Ray, maybe Ma's right.

Thank you. Maybe an
apartment is a little too much.

Make it a Cadillac. J...

Well, I think it's
time for Keith and I to

say good night. Good
night, Cousin Raymond.

Nice meeting you, man.
Bye-bye. Night, y'all.

Night, children.

Now look here, Pooky.

I want you to take this $10,000.

And don't worry about
keeping up the apartment.

I'll be here to help out.

But... That's my Pooky.

Good night, boys.

Whoo! I wish I was at that
racetrack now with Cousin Ray, boy.

I'd put two dollars down
on that daily double.

I'd have so much
bread, next time I go to

McDonald's, I'd just
order two all-beef patties.

Yeah J.J., and I'll get a
chauffeur to drive me to college.

That'll give me
more time to study.

What is happening to you kids?

Ma, just preparing for wealth.

You know what I mean? Whoo!

We're gonna dance
our way through life.

From now on it's gonna be
good-bye, ghetto. Hello, disco!

Party! Hey! Party!

Hey! Party! Hey! Party! Hey!

Raymo! How'd it go at the track?

Raymond! What's the
matter? Are you sick? Sit down.

No, darling, I just came by to
say good-bye. I'm leaving town.

I had a bad day at the track. Oh, what's
the big deal, Ray? You had one bad day.

You gotta take the
good with the bad, the

bitter with the sweet,
the up with the downs.

I lost everything... $80,000.

Eigh...

Pardon me while I go
jump out the window.

Cousin Raymond,
you lost $80,000?

All the stake I had. But, Ray, I thought
you had a system. You couldn't lose.

Well, I knew that,
and you knew that,

but the horses didn't know it.

Wiped me out.

You're not wiped out.

You know that
$10,000 you gave me?

Well, I didn't take
that apartment.

I never intended to,
Raymond. This is your money.

No, no, no. I can't take it.

I gave that money to you.

Well, it's here if you need it.

Bye, boys.

Bye, Pooky.

Uh...

They are... The ponies
are runnin' at, uh,

Hollywood Park.

I just know I'm
gonna be a big winner.

I can feel it.

I'll run it up for you.
You'll have that apartment.

You might even get a
condominium! Bye, Pooky!

We'll be here when you need us.

Still a dreamer.

But I love you, Raymond.

♪ Keepin' your
head above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good times ♪♪ Good Times was
videotaped before a studio audience.
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