06x06 - The Van Drummonds

Episode transcripts for the TV Show "Diff'rent Strokes". Aired: November 3, 1978 –; March 7, 1986.*
Watch/Buy Amazon  Merchandise


Series follows Arnold and Willis Jackson, two African-American boys from Harlem taken in by a rich white Park Avenue businessman and widower, Phillip Drummond, for whom their deceased mother previously worked, and his daughter, Kimberly.
Post Reply

06x06 - The Van Drummonds

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Now the world don't move
to the b*at of just one drum

♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some

♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two,
they've got nothing but their jeans

♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story

♪ Everybody finds a way to shine

♪ It don't matter
that you got not a lot

♪ So what

♪ They'll have theirs, you'll
have yours, and I'll have mine

♪ And together we'll be fine

♪ 'Cause it takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Yes it does

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

- I got.

I'm expecting phone call.

- No, I am too!

- I'm expecting a call too.

Do you mind?

Hi there, Arnold here.

Yes it is.

Just a moment.

It's for Dad.

Dad! Dad!

- What's up?

- Long distance
phone call for you.

- Oh, okay.

- It's collect.

- Tell them I'm not here.

- Okay, but it's from Holland.

- Oh, that's probably
Cousin Anna.

- Hello?

Yes, I'll accept the charges.

Hello, Anna!

You can come?

Marvelous!

I'll arrange the plane
tickets right away.

It'll be wonderful
to see you again.

Yes, I can hear you fine.

No need to shout.

Oh, you're shouting
because I'm shouting.

Well, we'll talk
when you get here.

Have a safe trip, bye.

- When's she coming, Dad?

- Saturday!

And she's bringing
her son, Hans.

They're gonna be
here for a week.

- Oh really?

That's great, Daddy.

I've never met
either of my cousins.

- Where'll be put
'em, Mr. Drummond?

We're wall to wall people here.

- No problem.

I'll get them a nice
suite at the Waldorf.

- And I know how to make
'em feel at home here.

I'll clean the house
with Dutch cleanser.

- Dad, how old is Hans?

- Oh, he must be 14.

Actually, I've never met
Hans and I only met Anna once

when I was over
there on a holiday.

I must have been nine
years old the last time

that we saw each other.

What a beautiful kid.

Rosie cheeks, blue
eyes, beautiful blonde hair.

- She sounds very attractive.

- No, I meant me.

- Okay guys, now this means
I'm very pleased to meet you.

- Hi g*ng.

- Did you have a good workout?

- Great.

Since I started
hitting those weights,

I'm really encouraged.

The gym instructor
said that in no time at all

I will have the body
of a 12 year old girl.

Listen, we've only
got a couple of hours

before we pick up Anna and Hans.

I'm gonna have
a little beauty rest

before I get dressed.

- Okay.

- I'll get it.

- Philip.

- Anna!

For Heaven's sake, you're early.

We were going to pick you up.

We take bus.

Doorman is bringing suitcases.

- Well, you look terrific.

Where's Hans?

- Hans?

Will you please don't
play with elevator buttons?

Why you don't say
hello to Cousin Philip.

- Hello Cousin Philip.

- Hello, Hans.

Come in, come in.

Meet the rest of the family.

Kids, this is Anna and Hans.

This is the family that
I wrote to you about.

Kimberly, Willis, and Arnold.

- Everybody looks alike.

I feel like I'm doing a
Doublemint commercial.

- Well, there does seem
to be a resemblance

between Kimberly and Hans.

- Us?

What about you and Cousin Anna?

- No, it's not true.

I think we not look like
each other, right Philip?

- Of course not.

I could never get my
hair to stay like that.

Well, it's nice that you're here

but we certainly didn't
expect you so early.

- We trade first
class tickets from you

and got super savers.

Shame on you, Philip.

It's very wasteful, yes.

I give you money we get back.

- Anna, you don't have to...

- Okay.

Hans, give the
children gifts we bring.

- Yes, Mother.

For each of you, swizzle sticks.

- Thanks, just what
I always wanted.

A swizzle stick.

- Uh, thank you Hans.

We love them.

- Yeah, I had one
once but I lost it.

- So sorry, I did not
for you bring one, Philip.

- Oh that's all right.

I hardly ever swizzle anymore.

- But I brought something.

It's good in the offers
from our plane too.

Very nice lunch bag.

- That's more like
an after lunch bag.

- Thank you, Anna.

I know just what to do with it.

- So you are fine
and we are fine.

Enough chattering.

Where we to sleep, Philip?

- Oh, I've reserved
you a very nice suite

in a lovely hotel.

- More waste money.

We stay here, yes.

- Here?

Well...

- We did not fly all this
way to sleep with bellboys.

I wash up now, please.

- Powder room's right
over here, Cousin Anna.

- Such a nice girl
and so pretty too.

- Oh, thank you.

- I think you have my looks.

- Hans, would you like
to use the bathroom too?

- Oh, yes please.

- I thought so.

You were kinda holding
your knees together.

- Come on, Hans.

It's upstairs.

- If you're going up
there, put the cot up.

Hans can sleep in your room.

- Okay Dad.

- We'll take a number
to use the bathroom.

This way.

- Pearl?

Pearl?

- Yes, Mr. Drummond.

- Pearl, we have
a change of plans.

Oh?

- I have to make room
for my cousins here.

Now, we have a spare cot
in the boy's room for Hans.

Anna can sleep
in Kimberly's room.

- No, Kimberly only
has a single bed.

- Oh right, well Kimberly and
Anna can sleep in my room,

then Hans can sleep
in Kimberly's room,

the boys can
sleep in their room,

and I can sleep on
a cot in your room.

No, that won't work.

- You can say that again.

- I suppose Anna can
sleep in your room.

- My room?

Where am I supposed to sleep?

In the sink?

- Excuse me, Daddy,
but didn't you already

make a reservation for
a suite at the Waldorf?

- Now you're talking.

The Waldorf's fine with me.

- I was thinking
more along the lines

of the Lucky 7 Motel.

Okay, the Waldorf.

- Wonderful.

I'll have breakfast in bed.

- Do that.

- With champagne and caviar.

- Don't do that.

- You have wonderful room.

Even television.

- You like TV, Hans?

- Oh yes, I've watched
all the latest movies.

Humphrey Bogart, Jimmy Cagney.

You dirty rat.

- You sound more like Mrs.
Olsen than Jimmy Cagney.

- Please do not tell
Mother I watch television.

- Why not?

- She hates v*olence.

If I watch it, she beats me.

- Beats you?

That's terrible.

- Yeah, our dad
would never do that.

He says watching some of

those TV shows is
punishment enough.

- Your father never
punishes you?

- Well, of course he
does if we really deserve it.

Like that time I was dropping

water balloons off the balcony.

- How did he find out?

- Well, a balloon
hit the mailman

and Dad gave me a
special delivery to the butt.

- All set, Hans.

- Thank you.

- Tell me how it feels.

- Hard, like wood.

- But it'll be fun.

You can pretend you're
camping out in the wilderness.

I kinda envy you.

- Good, then you have fun

and I will sleep in your bed.

- How did he pull that off?

- Very smoothly.

- Philip?

Philip?

- What is it Anna?

- No one should have
to live in room of maid.

- What's the matter with it?

It does not have.

- Bath tub.

The room has only shower.

Spritzer.

I have never in
my life spritzed.

It's face of water, Philip.

- Oh, well then
about the only thing

I can suggest, Anna, is a hotel

but I'm sure you'll be
very comfortable there.

- No, here I will be
very comfortable.

Is good bed, I think.

- Oh, I wouldn't dream of
letting you sleep on the sofa.

- Thank you.

Then you sleep here
and I sleep in your room.

- Bombs away!

Splosh!

- Hans, wait!

What are you doing?

Don't drop that.

You might hit somebody
on the head and hurt them.

- Yeah.

- Give me that.

If your mother found
out what you were doing,

she would use your
behind for a dart board.

- Please do not tell Mother.

- Okay, we won't.

- Oh thank you.

You are such wonderful cousins.

How can I ever thank you.

- Next time you're in town,

just bring me
another swizzle stick.

- All right, who dropped
the water balloon?

- Well, you see
Dad, we can explain.

- I don't want to hear it.

Just tell me who
dropped the balloon

and I mean right now.

- Uh, Cousin Philip...

- Yes?

- I cannot lie.

Arnold did it.

- I don't ever want to
have to tell you that again.

No more throwing water
balloons off the balcony.

It is childish,
stupid, dangerous,

and it is against the law!

- Dad, I know what it looks like

but it's not what it looks like.

- Oh, of course it isn't.

I catch you on the balcony
with a water balloon,

I got hit by one, I
am soaking wet,

and you're innocent
from lack of evidence.

- It was just kind
of an accident.

The balloon slipped
out of Arnold's hands

when we were showing
Hans what we used to do.

Right, Arnold?

- That's about as
close to the truth

as we're gonna get.

- Philip, I think
you are all spritzed.

- Daddy, what happened to you?

- Your infantile brothers
happened to me.

They were dropping
water balloons

off of the balcony.

- Shame on you boys.

My Hans would never do
a naughty thing like that,

would you my lambkin?

Philip, why you not
control your boys better?

You are too
permissive with them.

- You may be right.

A fine example you boys
are setting for your cousin.

You guys are
grounded for a month.

- A month?

- Dad!

- But they need is
good stick to the hiney.

- I'm holding that in reserve.

In the meantime, since you
boys like water sports so much,

I have a wonderful idea.

- You know what
our first mistake was?

We should have saved
the water balloons

and thrown Hans off the balcony.

Splosh.

- Would have had our
own flying Dutchman.

- You mean lying Dutchman.

I don't like this either, but
I kinda feel sorry for Hans.

I mean, how would
you like to have

a jail warden for a mother?

We only have to put
up with her for one week.

Hans is in for life.

He must be miserable.

♪ When you're smiling

♪ Then you're smiling

♪ The whole world
smiles with you

- Poor guy.

He's really miserable.

- Oh cousins, I am so
sorry for what happened.

I would like to
make it up to you.

- Good.

You can help us
with the windows.

- No way.

I mean, uh, it would look
suspicious if Mother saw.

- We understand Hans.

- Yeah, we're dripping
with compassion.

- I know what you
can do for us, Hans.

- How 'bout getting us
some nice, clean water?

- That is if you don't mind

associating with
known criminals.

- Voila, Chateau Latour '71.

Special wine for
a special occasion.

I've been saving this for years.

Refined, but aggressive, the
same way I like my women.

You know, this bottle
must be worth $100 by now?

- That much?

- Yeah, I think I'll
let it sit for a while.

You have to let it breathe.

- Let it breathe?

For a hundred bucks, I'd
give it artificial respiration.

Oh hi, Hans.

Need something?

- No, I was just
getting some water

for Willis and Arnold.

- Oh, what a nice boy.

- Yes, I am.

- Hans!

- Oh no.

- What were you doing
with Dad's bottle of wine?

- Uh, I was, uh,
just, uh, dusting it off.

- Are you sure you don't
mean polishing it off?

- Oh boy, now I'm cooked goose.

I will get hickory
stick on hiney for sure.

- Oh look out, Willis.

He's doing it again.

- Mother will b*at me
and lock me in the closet.

- Sounds good to me.

- Wait a minute, Arnold.

It was obviously an accident.

We'll just tell Dad we don't
know how it got broken.

That way no one gets hurt.

- Oh right on, soul cousin.

- Uh, Hans you've
got to be born with it.

You can't fake it.

Hans, where are you Hans?

- In here, Mother.

- Ah, having fun?

What is this?

Who broke bottle?

- I don't know.

I didn't see it happen.

Me neither and I have a witness.

Willis saw me not see it happen.

Hans?

This is true, Mother.

Arnold did not do it.

Willis did it.

- Say what?

- You sure, Hans?

- Mother, I could not lie.

- Why not?

You getting a lot of practice.

- Yeah, I can't believe that.

- If my Hans says
you did broke it

then you did broke it.

Come Hans, your
cousins are bad influence.

I don't want you should
play with them some more.

- Yes Mother.

- Well Mr. Nice Guy, what
are we gonna do now?

- I'll just tell Dad I knocked

it off the table accidentally.

- What?

You're gonna take the rap

for that little
backstabbing bozo?

- It's no big deal.

- Willis, we've got to
blow the whistle on Hans.

Who knows what he'll
try to pin on us next.

- Arnold, you know how important

this whole visit is to Dad.

I mean, if we go and
tell him about Hans

it'll spoil the whole thing.

- Yeah, I guess, but I'm
gonna keep my eye on him.

I'm gonna stick to him
like bubble gum to a lip.

I just hope Dad
won't be too upset.

- Why should he be?

It's only a bottle of wine.

Well listen, we'd
better get some rags

and start cleaning this up.

- Hey guys, listen.

About tonight, I got an idea...

Oh no!

My wine, my beautiful wine!

- Oh Daddy, it got knocked
off the counter accidentally.

- By accident.

- This was my
last bottle of this.

I waited three years to open it

now I'll never
even get to taste it.

- Well Dad, Pearl
says your floors

are clean enough to eat off of.

Maybe they're clean
enough to lick off of too.

- No, no, no I couldn't.

- Wake up, Philip.

- What's the matter?

- Good morning, Philip.

Sun is shining,
birds are singing.

No?

- No.

- Why you asleep at this hour?

- What hour is it?

5:30.

- In the morning?

- Of course.

Now get up, with us
you're coming, yes.

- Where?

- For walk.

Every morning on farm
we walk 10 kilometers

to enjoy nature.

- Sorry.

The farthest I walk
at this hour is 10 feet

to enjoy bathroom.

Anna, I really have to
get some more sleep.

- Okay then, sleep
your whole life away.

- I'd just like to
finish last night.

- Mother?

I have been such good boy.

Can I play video games today?

Please Mother, just
for once, please?

- Well, since you have
been such a good boy.

Here, enjoy yourself.

- A quarter?

- Bring back change.

- Thank you, Mother.

You are very generous.

- Well, it is holiday.

I get water for canteen.

- You stingy old
bag of goat cheese.

- Willis?

Willis?

Are you awake?

- How can I sleep with
your finger in my eye?

- Come on, Willis.

Hans is gone!

- So?

- Who knows what
he could be into?

He could be downstairs right
now carving wooden shoes

out of the salad bowl.

Get up.
- Okay.

- Come on, let's go.

- I'm going as fast as I can.

- Come on!

- Okay, okay.

- Look!

He's taking money
from Dad's wallet.

Dad! Dad!

Wake up, Dad!

- What?

I don't want to go hiking.

- Good morning.

- Dad, I'm sorry I
have to tell you this

but Hans just took some
money from your wallet.

- Money?

What money?

- The bill in your pocket.

- Oh that, Mother
gave that to me

to play video games.

- Oh yeah, sure.

I saw you take it Hans.

- She didn't give
you that money.

- What is the problem?

- Anna, did you give Hans
some money to play video games?

- Yes, I did.

- Now you see that, Dad?

Now maybe you'll...

What you talkin'
about, Cousin Anna?

- I give Hans money
for video games.

What is wrong?

- Come, Mother.

We must go for our walk now.

The birds are waiting.

- I don't understand.

Why are you boys trying
to get Hans into trouble?

- What are these
bad boys doing now?

Stop with the pulling.

Did they try to take away
the quarter I gave you?

- Quarter?

- The money, Hans.

- Hans, where did
you get all that money?

- I found it.

- Yeah, but my
dad hadn't lost it yet.

- Hans, is that true?

- Yes, Mother.

- What about the water
balloons and the bottle of wine?

Was that you too?

- Yes.

- Hans, I am shocked.

What made you do such things?

- The smog?

- I know one thing that may
have made him do it, Anna.

You.

- Me?

- Yes.

Hans rebels because
you're so strict with him.

You try to control
every part of his life.

You don't even let him breathe.

- I give him some good
smacks, then he breathes.

I am not pullover like you.

- That's pushover.

And Dad isn't.

He's tough on us
when he has to be.

- But he gives us our freedom.

And no offense, Cousin
Anna, but you act like a dictator

and Hans is an
underdeveloped country.

- Hans, I am not that bad, am I?

- You're not that good.

- Anna, I'm not
saying that you should

let Hans run wild,

but try to be a little
more understanding.

You can do more with talking

than you can with b*ating.

- I am only bringing him up

the way my mother brought me up.

- Well, how do
you feel about her?

- I hated her.

I called her stingy old
bag of goat cheese.

Hans, do you think
that way about me?

- Well, sometimes
Mother, but I love you.

- I love you too.

- Sorry I grounded you guys,

but under the circumstances,

there wasn't really
anything else that I could do.

- That's okay, Dad,
but you owe us one.

- Yeah, we got a
free mess-up coming.

- Hans, understanding
and lovable

I will try to be, all right.

- Then do you forget
about the balloon

and the wine and the $10?

- No way.

I b*at you good
with stick for that.

- Anna!

- So I use only swizzle stick.

♪ Now the world don't move
to the b*at of just one drum

♪ What might be right for
you might not be right for some

♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two,
they've got nothing but their jeans

♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Yes it does

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Hmm
Post Reply