06x10 - Mrs. Z

Episode transcripts for the TV Show "Diff'rent Strokes". Aired: November 3, 1978 –; March 7, 1986.*
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Series follows Arnold and Willis Jackson, two African-American boys from Harlem taken in by a rich white Park Avenue businessman and widower, Phillip Drummond, for whom their deceased mother previously worked, and his daughter, Kimberly.
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06x10 - Mrs. Z

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♪ Now the world don't move
to the b*at of just one drum

♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some

♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two,
they got nothing but their jeans

♪ But they got,
Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story

♪ Everybody finds a way to shine

♪ It don't matter
that you got not a lot

♪ So what

♪ They'll have theirs, you'll
have yours, and I'll have mine

♪ And together we'll be fine

♪ 'Cause it takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Yes it does

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

Supermarket openings

are almost a daily event
across these United States.

But here's one that's
just a little different.

- Dad, when are you coming on?

The news is almost over.

And the highlight
of the supermarket

opening was Harry
the Wonder Horse,

who entertained the crowds
by ringing up the first sale.

- I resent that,
they think a horse

is more interesting than daddy!

- Yeah, what's so
smart about counting

by stamping your leg?

If dad did that, they'd
say he was stupid.

- That's right, I
count on my fingers.

- Look, look, there
he is, there's daddy!

- Hey, dad, you
look just like you!

In other news,

today, United
Charities International

got a generous start
in their fundraising drive

from Park Avenue
millionaire and philanthropist

Phillip Drummond,
who donated $100000,

and joked, "This is one time I
don't mind passing the buck."

- That joke was
funny when I said it!

It's all in the delivery.

- You better mark that
joke return to sender.

- Well, daddy,
you were real cute,

I think you looked great.
- Oh, thank you honey.

- I thought I looked
rather distinguished,

although I'm not really
vain about those things.

Did I have my hair
parted too high?

- Dad, now I'd sure say
your hairline is famous, now.

The newspaper this
morning, the TV tonight,

I bet the whole country
knows you by now.

- How does it feel
being a celebrity?

- $100000 poorer.

Hello?

Yes, this is Phillip Drummond.

What?

Hey, one of the guys from
the club, putting me on.

Hey, come on, cut that out.

You saw me on the news, right?

Very funny.

- It's not meant to
be funny, Drummond.

Just shut up and listen.

You're a millionaire,
so you had better

come up with a million,
fast, in small bills.

We'll be in touch
tomorrow to let you know

where to make the
drop, and don't try

anything stupid, we're
watching every move you make.

- Hey, listen,
that's a great act,

but I know that it's you, Harry.

Would you stop pulling my leg?

- That's a nice blue and
red tie you're wearing.

- What?

And you're sitting

on a sofa with your three kids?

- How could you
possibly know that?

- It's clear as
crystal through the

telescope of my partner's r*fle.

So, if you like living, you
had better believe me.

- Okay, I believe you.
- Good, we'll be in touch.

- Oh, by the way, I liked
your "pass the buck" joke.

Hey, dad!

What's wrong?

Why are you closing the drapes?

- Yeah, dad, wasn't that
some guy from the club?

Hey, what's the matter?

- Oh, nothing.

- Uh, dad, if nothing's wrong,

what happened to all
of the blood in your face?

You look like you
just had dinner

with Dracula, and you
were the main course.

- Come on, daddy,
you can tell us.

We're not babies.

- No, of course you aren't,
and you have a right to know.

Well, that man that
called me on the phone

was asking for
one million dollars.

- Well, if you're
passing out millions,

remember, charity
begins at home.

- I wish it was charity.

That call was
from an extortionist.

- Extortionist?

- You mean one of
those guys who can

bend himself into a pretzel?

- No, Arnold, dad means a
guy who's trying to blackmail him.

- Now, the man is
obviously some kind of nut.

But I think I better notify
the police, just to be safe.

- Yeah, please,
that's a good idea.

- We don't want
anything to happen to you.

- Now, don't worry,
everything is gonna

be all right, but we'll just
take a few precautions.

And listen, I want
everybody to stay

away from the balcony, and
keep those drapes closed.

- What for?

- He said that
they're watching us.

- They're watching us?

Gee, daddy, that's really scary.

- Yeah, especially the
way you look in the morning.

- Hello, police, may I speak
to the desk sergeant, please?

- Arnold, this is
no time for jokes.

- Willis, I'm only laughing to
try and get my heart started.

- Hello?

My name's Phillip Drummond.

- Well, looks secure out
there, Mr. Drummond.

Tell me, is this the first time

you've received
an extortion thr*at?

- Yes, it is.

- You didn't recognize
the voice at all,

I mean, there wasn't
anything unusual about it?

Like an accent?

- No, as I told you, he sounded

like a perfectly normal
homicidal maniac.

- Man, there sure are a lot of
crazies running around loose.

- Yeah, the squirrels
haven't buried

all of the nuts for the winter.

- Maybe the best
thing I could do

is just take my family,
and go away for a while.

- We can protect you much better

in this apartment, Mr. Drummond.

It would be much tougher for
us if you start moving around.

- Yeah, I guess you're right.

- What do we do
if that man calls

back and demands the money?

- I guess we'll just
have to lie to him,

and tell him dad went
broke, and he's down

at a flophouse, sucking on
Muscatel, and dating a bag lady.

- Well, if they do call
back, Mr. Drummond,

I wouldn't gamble that
their threats are phony.

I would agree to
give them the money.

- A million bucks?

Then we'd all be
dating bag ladies.

- Look, if I give them
that kind of money,

I will be getting calls
from every extortionist

in the country, I'll have
to put in an 800 number.

- On the other
hand, if you don't,

your life will be in danger.

- What a choice, you
either go broke, or you croak.

- I didn't mean give
them real money.

I would just make it look real.

- Oh, you mean
try to trick them?

- You've got it.

- Wouldn't that be dangerous?

- Well, by the time they
found out we had fooled them,

we'd have them
under arrest, hopefully.

- Hopefully?
- We could give it a sh*t.

- Sorry, bad choice of words.

Look at it this way,
Mr. Drummond,

it's in your interest if
you help us catch them.

You did say that they
had you in their r*fle sights.

- What?

- Dad, you didn't tell us about

a r*fle they had!
- r*fle, a g*n?

- Now, listen, I
didn't want you to be

any more worried
than you already were.

- What do you say, Mr. Drummond?

- Well, I guess there's
only one thing I can do.

I'll cooperate and try
to help you catch them.

- Good.

- You sure got
a lot of guts, dad.

- I hope you keep them!

- Daddy, can't the
police do this alone?

- No, I'm afraid not, honey.

- You made the right
decision, Mr. Drummond,

and let us know the minute
the man calls for the money.

- Well, I certainly
will; in the meantime,

I assume you can give
me some kind of protection.

- Of course, I'll arrange to
have someone sent over.

- Thank you, I certainly
do appreciate that.

- Now, you're sure there's
nothing that was said

on the phone that you may
remember, that may give us a clue?

- Nope.

Oh, wait a minute, yes!

He did say that he liked
my "pass the buck" joke!

- As you can see,
we're obviously dealing

with a very sick man.

- Well, I'll be going
now, Mr. Drummond.

And remember, let me
know if you think of anything.

You have my card, and
please give me a call, okay?

- Thank you very much
for coming, I appreciate it.

I'll see you to the elevator.

- Listen, I didn't
wanna worry you

more than necessary,
but those guys

may have some ideas
about your kids, too.

- Yeah, I have
already thought of that.

- Don't let them
out of your sight,

and keep them right
here in the apartment.

- Exactly what I intend to do.

- We'll be in touch.

- Okay, thank you
very much, detective.

- There we are, there,
that ought to do it.

It works, it works!

- Arnold, what is this?

- That is my Arnold Jackson
Home Security System.

If those crooks try to sneak up

on us tonight, I'm
gonna catch them.

- Arnold, are you
trying to catch them,

or cook them dinner?

- I've got a better
idea, let's let

Kimberly cook them dinner!

They'll be begging for mercy.

- Arnold, this is a
waste of time and Teflon.

Dad's having a
real security system

hooked up in the morning.

- A lot can happen in one night.

- Arnold, you have
nothing to worry about.

I'm here to protect you.

- In that case, I think I'd
better go sleep with dad.

- Never fear, Willis
Jackson is here.

What was that?

- I don't know.

- Maybe I'll go
sleep with dad, too.

- Good night, guys!

- It was only Kimberly.

- I knew that!

- All set, Mr. Drummond.

From now on,
there's literally no way

anyone could walk
through that door

without setting
off your new alarm.

- Would you be offended if I
asked you for a louder alarm?

- Sorry, I forgot to turn it on.

Silly me.

- What's going on here?

- I've decided to put in
a security system, Pearl.

- You take one day off, and
you come home to a fortress.

Did someone try to break in?

- No, but I'm afraid
I had a phone call

from an extortionist who
demanded one million dollars.

- That's terrible, what
are you gonna do?

- Oh, don't worry, I've notified

the police, we'll have a
bodyguard living in the house.

- A bodyguard?

This could be serious,
especially if he's cute.

- All right, Mr. Drummond,
here's how the alarm works.

- Oh, would you
just wait a minute?

I want everybody to see this.

Oh Kimberly, would you come
down and listen to this, please?

Willis, Arnold!
- Yeah, dad.

Would you come to
the living room, please?

- Okay.
- All right.

- Mr. Philbrick is gonna show us

how the alarm system works,
I want everybody to hear this.

Pay attention, please.

You go ahead.

- Well, you just
punch in your own

personal security code.

You're all set, and
to turn the alarm off,

you punch in the code again.

- What does it sound
like when it goes off?

- New Year's Eve.

Well, thanks for your
business, Mr. Drummond.

- Thank you very much.

- Good luck!

- Thank you.
- Bye-bye!

- What can I say?

- Happy New Year!

- Well, I, for one, feel a
lot better with that alarm in.

- Me, too, and dad,
when are those guys

supposed to call
about that money?

- Today, they said, but
they didn't give me a time.

Oh, by the way,

I know this is a
weekend, and each of you

have places you like to go,

but I want everybody to
stay right here in this house.

- Oh, don't worry, dad,
I'm putting that alarm

on just to go to the bathroom!

- Who's there?

Detective Hanson sent me.

Are you Phil Drummond?

- Yes, I am.

- I've been assigned to you.

- You?

You are my bodyguard?

- I'm not the Avon lady.

- Forgive me for staring, but,

you're a woman!

- And a lot of woman.

- You can say that again, honey.

- May I introduce
me to my family, Ms.?

- You heard of Mr. T?

I'm Mrs. Z.

- These are my
children, Kimberly,

Willis, and Arnold, Mrs. Z.

- Can I ask what
the Z stands for?

- No.
- Gotcha.

- Gee, I've never heard of
a woman bodyguard, before.

What made you
decide to become one?

- I like working with people.

I especially like
working people over.

- I don't mean to
offend you, but,

I am a little concerned about

having a bodyguard
that's a woman.

- What's wrong with women?

- Nothing, nothing, I
love them, I love them.

- I think dad needs a bodyguard

to protect him from
this bodyguard.

- Hanson filled me in.

Now, first of all, I want to
know the layout of this place.

- Okay, well, we have installed

alarms on all of the
windows, and all of the doors.

- Yeah, and over
there, behind those

closed drapes, is the balcony.

- I didn't think it was Monty
Hall in Let's Make a Deal.

What's in there?

- Oh, this is the
door to my den.

This is the only
entry to this room.

And right over here
is the powder room,

if you'd like to check that out.

- What about the phone,
has it been checked for a tap?

- No, it hasn't.

- This is a very
dangerous instrument.

Phone almost k*lled my husband.

- How is that possible?

- I caught him calling
another woman.

- That's one tough lady.

- I'd hate to get her dander up.

- I wouldn't go near her
dander with a 10 foot pole.

- Is everything okay?

- I'm not crazy
about the wallpaper.

What's that door?

- Oh, that's the
door to the kitchen.

I hope you like that
wallpaper better.

Mr. Drummond, I...

- Okay, she's clean.

A simple hello would
have handled it.

- I'm sorry, Pearl, but this is

our new bodyguard, Mrs. Z,
I'm afraid she just overreacted.

- What do you mean,
she was carrying a Kn*fe.

Assassins come in all
shapes, even Butterballs.

- I resent that!

- You do?

- I didn't say a lot.

- Quick thinking, Pearl.

- Mr. Drummond, Mr. Drummond,

when I was at the supermarket,

someone must have
slipped this into my bag.

I was just cleaning
the vegetables,

and found it stuck
to the rutabaga.

- What's it say, daddy?

- It says, "We want
the money in small bills,

"in a plain suitcase; we'll call

"before noon tomorrow
to let you know

"where we want it delivered."

- Dad, they must be
watching us all the time.

- This is creepy, they followed
Pearl right into the market!

- Yeah, a woman isn't
even safe in produce!

- Now, don't worry, I'm
sure they're not going to do

anything, at least until
we've talked about the money.

In any case, we've got the
alarm system, we've got Mrs. Z.

By the way,
Pearl, you'll have to

arrange a place
for Mrs. Z to sleep.

- Don't bother, this
chair will be just fine.

I sleep sitting up with
one eye open, at all times.

- Wish I could learn
to do that in math class.

I'd still flunk, but at
least I'd be rested.

Willis, Willis, if you're
awake, I have to talk to you.

If you're not,
you can forget it!

- Arnold, I was already awake.

Who can sleep with
all this trouble dad's in?

- Yeah, I keep
thinking about what

can happen to
him if those crooks

found out he was trying to
trick them with that funny money.

- Yeah, they can blow him away.

- Yeah.

And they'd do that with a
g*n, not with a hairdryer.

- Oh, I'm glad you're up.

I couldn't sleep, either, I
was too worried about daddy.

- Yeah, so are we.

- I wish he'd just
stay out of this,

and let the police handle it!

- That's what they're
supposed to be doing,

when they're not selling
tickets to the Policeman's Ball.

- Hey, listen,
guys, I appreciate

your concern, but really,
you should all be asleep.

- Daddy, we can't
sleep, we don't want you

to go through with this thing.

- Oh, but I have to.

Just look at what those
thugs are doing to us.

Alarms on all the
doors and windows,

a bodyguard right
here in the house.

We're prisoners in our own home!

People shouldn't
have to live like this.

I have to do whatever I
can, to try to put a stop to it.

- You know something,
dad, you're really brave.

Stubborn, but brave!

- We understand, daddy,
we're behind you all the way.

- Right, when the
chips are down,

this family isn't
afraid of anybody.

- Get to bed!

- Yes, ma'am, going
to bed, good night!

- Well, it is now 10
minutes before noon.

Maybe the extortionists
aren't going to call.

- Oh, they'll call, all right.

They know they've got a
very rich fish on the line.

- Yeah, but they don't
know that this fish is Jaws.

- Anyone care for more coffee?

- Yes, thank you,
Pearl, I would.

- You can bring some
more sandwiches,

and make them bigger this time?

- If she keeps eating like that,

it'll be cheaper to pay
off the extortionists.

- Hello?

Yes, this is Phillip Drummond.

What's that?

You would?

All right.

- What is it dad, what
do they want you to do?

- Where do they want
you to make the drop?

- I have no idea,
it's Mrs. Z's husband.

He said he wants to
speak to the little woman.

- Tell Sweetie
I'll call him later.

I'm busy guarding bodies.

- She said, "Tell
Sweetie I'll call him later,

"I'm busy guarding bodies."

I'm one of them.

Yeah, I'll tell her,
you keep the faith, too.

He says he misses
his little poopsie.

- Some little poopsie.

- That must be the men
from the armored car service.

- Hold it, maybe it
is, and maybe it isn't.

- Man, that sure
was smart of dad

to hire the armored car
to bring the fake money.

- Yeah, that sure ought to
make the crooks think it's real.

- It better, or I'll be
Little Orphan Arnold.

- Okay, let them in.

- I'm sorry about that, are
you from Minter Security?

- That's right.
- Well, please come in, then.

- You sure you're
from Minter Security?

- I swear, I got a
badge, and everything!

Okay, he's clean.

- Ah!

Right in here, yes, sir.
- Oh, man.

Here's the money.
- Whoo wee!

- Man, that sure looks real!

- Well, the top ones are real,

it's the rest of
them that are fake.

- Oh, man, you
sure could fool me.

But I guess it's
because my eyes water,

and I get all emotional,
with this much green.

- Gee, they would
fool me, too, daddy.

This looks like a fortune!

- It's like a super
Monopoly game.

Only someone's
going directly to jail,

without passing go, or
collecting a million bucks.

- Yes?

Yes, speaking.

- We saw the armored
car downstairs.

You got the money, huh?
- That's right.

- Where do you want it?

- Put it in a
suitcase, and take it

to Kennedy Airport,
Air Switzerland.

Buy one ticket to Geneva,
then check the suitcase

through on Flight
201, you got it?

- I got it.

- Go along, and no tricks
Drummond, your life depends on it.

You dig?
- I dig.

- And I sure don't want
anybody else to start digging.

- Where's the drop gonna be?

- Kennedy Airport,
Air Switzerland,

check it through to
Geneva Flight 201.

- Probably got a man
planted at Kennedy.

They'll try to take it
right off the conveyor belt.

See you down
there, and don't worry,

Mr. Drummond,
we'll get you covered.

- I'll be there, too, honey,

so just dry your
sweaty little palms.

- I don't know why, but I'm not

as nervous as I thought
I'd be at a time like this.

- I wish I could say that!

If this keeps up, I'll be living

proof of the Trickle
Down Theory!

- What in the world is that?

- It's a helicopter,
it sounds like

they're trying to
get into the building.

Drummond, get out on the patio.

- I'll handle it, this
is the part I love!

You hear me, Drummond?

This is it, get the
suitcase with the money,

and hook it onto the
cable I'm dropping.

- That whole drop,
the whole Switzerland

thing was to get
rid of the cops!

- They didn't get rid of me!

There, let me see you
move the building, turkey!

I'm not afraid of you!

Neither am I!

- That is very good
news, Detective Hanson.

And I want to thank you
very much for all your help.

Okay, goodbye.

Those guys won't be
bothering anyone else

for at least the
next 10 to 15 years.

- That's good, they deserved it.

- Great, I'm glad
they're behind bars.

- I bet they quiver every time

they make a license
plate with a Z on it.

- I'll never forget Mrs. Z.

- No way, it's not
every day you get to see

somebody arm wrestle
a helicopter, and win.

- Hey, you know what, she
came out without a scratch.

- Almost.

When she left, she hit her
head on the top of the doorway.

- Well, daddy, it just
goes to show you.

Sometimes the right
man for a job is a woman.

- You know, I sure learned
something about having money.

It can bring you problems.

- I've learned something
else about money.

It sure takes the
sting out of being poor.

♪ Now, the world don't move
to the b*at of just one drum

♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some

♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two,
they got nothing but their jeans

♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Yes it does

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
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