06x13 - Drummond's Lady

Episode transcripts for the TV Show "Diff'rent Strokes". Aired: November 3, 1978 –; March 7, 1986.*
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Series follows Arnold and Willis Jackson, two African-American boys from Harlem taken in by a rich white Park Avenue businessman and widower, Phillip Drummond, for whom their deceased mother previously worked, and his daughter, Kimberly.
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06x13 - Drummond's Lady

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Now, the world don't move
to the b*at of just one drum

♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some

♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two,
they got nothing but their jeans

♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story

♪ Everybody finds a way to shine

♪ It don't matter
that ya got not a lot

♪ So what

♪ They'll have theirs

♪ And you'll have yours

♪ And I'll have mine

♪ And together we'll be fine

♪ 'Cuz it takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Yes it does

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

- Two three four high up,
high up, stretch those legs,

get those behinds off the floor.

- Man this is my
favorite form of exercise.

Watching other people sweat.

- If we can't take it
off, we'll move it around

to where they can't see it.

- They'll have to move
mine to Cleveland.

- I'm going to turn your
pitiful bodies into total wrecks.

Seriously folks.

We do work miracles
here, so there might even be

a little hope for you.

And just look at Daisy here.

Who would believe it.

She's a 68-year-old
grandmother with arthritis.

- If I had a grandma like that,

she could bounce me
on her knee anytime.

- I know it hurts,
but it's worth it.

Just remember our motto.

There's only one of
you, and it's a mess.

- Man, that woman's
got a mean streak.

She's a cross between Jane
Fonda and Atilla the Hun.

- Who is she?

- Her name is Maggie McKinney.

She's terrific. All
my friends watch her.

- Well she has a
terrific sense of humor.

- Well I've got a
terrific sense of pain.

- It's hard work, but it's fun.

Maggie ought to write a
book and make an album

like the others do.

- Yes, and you and I
could pose for the cover.

Before and after.

- You know, you may have
something there Kimberly.

Exercise is big business today.

In fact, our director
of projects suggested

that we get into it.

- Let's go.

Come on Ms. Ziunicci, you're
dragging your cannelloni.

- Daddy, you better
talk to Ms. McKinney

before somebody else does.

- I just may do that.

- Excuse me.
- Yeah.

- Where would I
find Ms. McKinney?

- Oh, she'll be
back in a little while.

I'm Daisy, her assistant.
- Hi.

- Is there something
I can do for you?

- Well, there is a
business matter

that I need to discuss
with Ms. McKinney.

Incidentally, I saw
your show this morning.

I thought it was very good.

- Well thank you.

Are you in the
exercise business too?

You don't look it.

- No, I'm sort of the lean
and wiry type; however, I...

however, I might be
interested in investing

in a business like this.

I think your little
local television show

has really great potential.

You could be a hit in
homes all over America.

- Hi, I'm back.

- Maggie, guess what.

This gentleman here is
going to make me a star.

- You don't say.

- That's not quite the
way I put it, Ms. McKinney.

- How exactly did
you put it, Mr. Ah...

- Drummond, Phillip Drummond.

- I don't have much
time, Mr. Drummond.

I have a class in a few minutes.

- Well, there is a
business proposition

that I'd like to
discuss with you.

I think I can turn your business
into a national franchise,

like Richard Simmons
or Jack LaLanne.

- Do tell.

- Well, I'm a financier with
a pretty good track record,

although I don't like
to blow my own horn.

- You just gave it
a pretty good toot.

- Well, I don't like
to sound immodest,

but I think that your show
is really something special.

You could go a long way.

And, frankly, I'm in a
position to make that happen.

- Oh, really?

- You know, I have the feeling
that you don't believe me.

Go with your feelings.

I'm tired of men coming over
here and making advances

to me and my girls.

We get a dozen of these
phony propositions a week.

- Well this proposition
happens to be legitimate,

and I resent being treated
like an oversexed tycoon.

- I never said you
were a tycoon.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

- Wait a minute.
I'm not through.

- Yes you are.
Rodney, oh Rodney.

- Yeah Maggie.

- Would you be
so kind as to show

this gentleman to the door.

- You got it. You've had it.

- Now, hold it.

I warn you. I'm easily aroused.

- Look pal, you can do
this the easy way or my way.

Take me to the door.

- Good evening, is this
the Drummond residence?

- Yes it is.

Say, you're Maggie McKinney,
that lady on television.

- That's right.

- I'm Pearl, the housekeeper,
one of your biggest fans.

Who hopes to be
a much smaller fan.

- Is Mr. Drummond in?

- Please come in, Ms. McKinney.

- Thank you, Pearl.

Just call me Maggie,
everybody does.

- Oh, thanks, Maggie.

Oh, um, I'll get
Mr. Drummond for you.

Please, sit down.
This is Arnold, his son.

- Hi.
- His son.

- Yeah, I'm a chip
off a different block.

I see you on TV all the
time yelling at people.

Were you in the Marines?

No, but you gotta
be tough to win

the battle of the blubber.

- Oh, well, what
are you doing here?

You here to de-blub my father?

- No, no, I just dropped
by to talk a little business.

- Oh, well, in that
case, you can talk to me

until he gets here.

I'm in line to take
over his company.

- Well how about that.
You ought to go on Dynasty.

- Laugh if you will,
but just remember,

I have the three
things for success.

Brains, ambition,
and a rich father.

- Arnold, you are
getting crumbs all over.

Is this really the
place to be eating?

- Any place is the
place to be eating.

Once I ate a whole
chicken in the closet.

- Admirable.

- So tell me.

Is my father going to offer you.

- I didn't quite understand
what you just said.

Do you always talk
with your mouth full?

Only when I'm eating.

- I bet your daddy's told
you that's not very polite.

- No, he talks with
his mouth full too.

- Is there anything else I
ought to know about your father?

- No, he's just your
average millionaire next door.

- Speak of the rich devil.

- Hello, Ms. McKinney.

- How do you do, Mr. Drummond.

I hope you don't mind my
dropping by unannounced,

but I had to talk to ya.

- Very well.

Arnold, I'm sure you
have something to do.

Nope.

- Well, then make up something.

- Ah Dad, that's not fair.

As a key stockholder
in your company,

I ought to be in
on this discussion.

If I leave, it could
affect my whole future.

- If you stay, it could
affect your whole behind.

- Got the picture.

- And by the way, how
many times have I told you

that I don't like you
eating in the living room?

- I thought you
meant you, not me.

- Now then, what can I
do for you, Ms. McKinney?

- Mr. Drummond,
I'd like to apologize

for what happened
this afternoon.

- All right, go right ahead.

I think I just did.

- Oh really? It went by so fast.

- Well after you
left, I got curious

and decided to do some checking.

- According to Mr.
- And Mr.,

you are a very
reputable businessman.

- Oh, you don't believe
those guys, do ya?

- Now, I'm admitting
I made a mistake,

so don't you rub
my little nose in it.

If you still would
like to back me,

there is nothing
I'd like better.

- As a matter of
fact, Ms. McKinney,

I've had second thoughts
since I saw you last.

- Oh, well I can understand
that, Mr. Drummond.

- I'm not at all sure that
the exercise business

is the kind of investment
our company should make.

I'm going to have
to think about that.

- Well, I didn't
come here to beg.

- But we can talk about it.
- Good.

Talk to me in conglomerate.

- Excuse me, I left
my dirty plate in here.

You go ahead and
talk your business

while I just clean up
some of my crumbs.

You're not talking.

We don't intend to.

That's enough Arnold.
Leave some crumbs for Pearl.

- Only trying to be neat. Bye.

- Now then, let's get
down to business.

- Well, I'll do my best, but
I'm afraid business matters

were always taken care of
by my late departed husband.

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- He's not dead.

He just got up late
one night and departed.

- All right then, why
don't I just have my lawyer

draw up a basic proposal,
and then you and I

can take it from there.
- Fine.

But just so there is
no misunderstanding,

this is a 50/50 deal, right?

- Well, almost. 49/51.

- Oh thank you, but I insist
you get as much as I do.

- No, I mean I always
maintain the controlling interest.

- well, I respect that proposal,

and I'd like to make
a counter proposal.

Is that the way you negotiate?

I am putting up the
money, you know.

- And I am putting
up my good name

and the talent and the sweat.

- All right, that's my
offer. Take it or leave it.

- I'm going to leave it. Bye.

- All right, 50/50.
- Now we're getting someplace.

- Just have your
lawyer call my lawyer.

- I don't have a lawyer, I
will deal with you personally,

but if your lawyer is lonely,
he can call my dentist.

- All right, we'll
deal personally.

- Fine, and in that regard,
I do hope we can keep

this partnership
strictly business.

I wouldn't want
you to get any ideas

about turning me into a
personal holding company.

- Not to worry.

To me, you're just a
dollar sign in leotards.

- And to me, you're just a
blonde, blue-eyed money belt.

- Can I come in now, Dad?

- I have got to be
out of my mind.

I just did the stupidest
thing I've ever done in my life.

I gave away a
controlling interest

in a business I don't
really want to be in

to a woman I could never
possibly get along with.

That Maggie
McKinney has got to be

the most stubborn,
frustrating, infuriating woman

I have ever met in my life.

Man, you really hate her.

- Hate her? I think
she's wonderful!

- That man gets
sillier all the time.

- Now the part about
franchises here...

- Here's your coffee folks.

I hope you like
decaf, Ms. McKinney.

- That's fine, Pearl.

- It's supposed to
be a lot healthier

for you than regular coffees.

- The second paragraph...

- Although if one
thing doesn't k*ll ya,

something else will.

If it isn't the food,
it's the rotten air

or pollution or crime
or drunk drivers.

You're lucky to be alive
from one minute to the next.

Well, you have a nice evening.

- Thank you, Pearl.

You got us off to a great start.

- That's okay.

- Maggie, are you sure
you wouldn't rather have

a cocktail or a glass of sherry?

- Oh, no, thank you.

I have to keep a clear head

while we're talking
high finance.

You're so cute, you're liable
to slip something by me.

- Hey, you know something?
It's almost time for dinner.

I know a marvelous little
restaurant in the village.

Would you like to join me?

- Oh, you're a
darling to ask me that.

I gotta get back to the studio.

I got a zillion
things to do then.

- Oh well, maybe
some other time.

- I'll be talking to you
real soon, ya hear?

Bye.
- Bye.

- Well dad, we're
off to our party.

- Yeah, we'll see you later.

- Have a good time.

- Where's Maggie?

I thought you were
taking her out to dinner

after your business meeting.

- Oh, no.

She had something
else she wanted to do.

- Boy, what's Dad so down about?

- I think he's hung
up on Maggie.

- Yeah, he looks like
a guy who hit a pothole

on the highway of love.

- Hey Arnold, why
don't you try and get Dad

to tell you what's going on?

But don't look too obvious.

- Are you asking me
to trick my own father

into spilling his guts?

- Well...
- No problem.

- Thanks, bye.

- Bye.
- Bye Arnold.

- Hey Dad, why don't you
come over here and sit down.

As long as you're staying
home, why don't we rap a little?

- All right, Arnold.

What would you
like to rap about?

- Well, are you happy
with my progress in school?

- Oh yes. Very much.

- Good, what's happening
with you and Maggie?

- Arnold, I appreciate
your concern,

but I don't want to burden
you with my problems.

- Oh, but I might be able to
give you some advice, Dad.

I don't want you to
make the same mistakes

I've made with women.

- Thanks, son, but I don't
think I'll fall into those traps.

Have you kissed Maggie yet?

- Arnold, that's
a little personal.

Sure, that's why I asked.

Dad, I'm your son.

It's not like some total
stranger coming up to you

and asking you
how is your love life.

- Well, Arnold, if you
really want to know,

no, I haven't kissed her yet.

- Dad, take it from me.

That saying, reach
out and touch someone,

applies to lips too.

Don't you want to kiss her?

- Oh I certainly do.

I think about it
a lot. A whole lot.

In fact, I'm thinking
about it right now.

- Dad, yo, Dad.

- Well I try to let
her know how I feel,

but she just doesn't respond.

- Well who does that
woman think she is?

Treating you like dirt.

You're a real
catch. You're rich.

You're eligible.

And you still got a
little life left in you.

- Right, with a pacemaker I
could get through till Thursday.

Arnold, Maggie's a
very special woman,

and maybe if I hang in there,

she'll feel differently
about me some day.

- Well, if she doesn't,
you've always got me.

- Thanks. That's a great help.

- I know how you
feel about that woman.

I'm no stranger to heartache.

- Hi.

- Well hi there. Can I help you?

- Is Ms. McKinney around?
- She's in her office.

- If you don't mind
me saying so, mam,

you have a very nice figure.

- Thank you.

- Is that from exercise,

or did you come from
the factory that way?

- It's from exercise. I
worked hard for this figure.

- You look like you
put in a lot of overtime.

- Well look who's
here. Hi Arnold.

- Hi.

- Daisy, would you finish this
roster for the morning class?

- Oh sure.

- So long cute stuff.
- So long tall stuff.

- Well, what brings
you here Arnold?

You wanta pump some
iron for those puny pecks?

- I'm in no mood for
jokes, Ms. McKinney.

I've got to talk to you
about something serious.

- Oh, okay, of course.

Well do you mind if I
warm up while we're talking?

I have a class in a few minutes.

- No, go right ahead.

Well, you see, I
really hate to say this

because, see, I was brought
up to respect my elders,

and, well, you're a
hard-hearted woman.

- Hard hearted?

Arnold, I'm a softie.

I read my Cabbage Patch
Doll to sleep every night.

- Yeah, but I've seen
how you've turned my Dad

into a blubbering blob.

- Your dad?

- Yeah, you should see him.

Chin hanging, eyes drooping.

He looks like a basset
hound with worms.

- Are you saying that I'm
breaking your father's heart?

- Breaking it,
shredding it, crushing it.

You're destroying a major organ.

- Arnold, I had no idea your
father felt that way about me.

The most affection he's ever
shown me was taking me out

for a sandwich and
blowing the head off my beer.

- Well, now that you
know, put the poor devil

out of his misery.

- I know just what to do.

Arnold, I promise you I will
put an end to his suffering.

- Good, tell him
there's no hope,

even if he was he was
the last man on earth.

Tell him if he was
Adam and you were Eve,

you wouldn't let
him near your apple.

- I'll do that.

- Oh, by the way.

I didn't appreciate that
cr*ck about my puny pecs.

I may look soft on the outside,

but I've got a hard center.

- Dad, could you get that?

Mr. T's about to start a fire

by rubbing two crooks together.

- I wouldn't want
you to be interrupted

while you're
reading the classics.

- Hi, Phil.

- Maggie, what a nice
surprise, please come in.

- Thank you.

I just signed our contract,
and since I was passing by,

I thought you
might like to have it.

- Oh indeed I would.
Let me take your coat.

- Hi Arnold.
- Hi.

I guess this is it, huh?
Death in the afternoon?

- Believe me, he won't
know what hit him.

- Well, excuse me
while I go ask Pearl

if I can help with the dishes.

- What dishes?

We haven't even had dinner yet.

- That's why it's a
good time to ask her.

- Strange kid. Please,
sit down, Maggie.

May I get you a glass of wine?

- Wine would be nice.

- Arnold, you shouldn't
be eavesdropping.

- Pearl, this is important.
- What are you watching?

A mercy k*lling.

- The contract includes
all your lawyer's changes

on my lawyer's changes
of your lawyer's changes

of my lawyer's first changes.

- Now wait a minute, I thought
you didn't have a lawyer.

- Hey, I figured
I better get one.

I am naive, but I'm not crazy.

- I can see that.
All right, let's see.

That's right.
Good, that's right.

Well, that does it.

We are now
officially in business.

Shake.

Wow, that's quite a handshake.

- I learned it in
the Girl Scouts.

That's how I sold
so many cookies.

- But I thought you
wanted our relationship

to be strictly business.

- I like to renegotiate.

I want a contract with more
options and fringe benefits.

- Boy, you sure
drive a hard bargain.

- Do you accept my terms?

- I'll force myself.

- Boy, she sure is
letting him down easy.

What a way to go.

- I'm not complaining Maggie,

but what brought this
on all of the sudden?

- Oh it's not all of the sudden.

I've been dying to break
my strictly business rule,

but I didn't think
you were interested.

- Not interested?

I thought I'd sent
out enough signals.

- You call those signals?

You're going to have
to recharge your battery.

- You just did that.

- I never would
have known you care

if it hadn't been for Arnold.

He came to see
me this afternoon.

- What?
- Don't be mad at him.

- Mad at him?

I ought to double his allowance!

Let's celebrate.

- I have a better idea.

Why don't we have dinner
at that little restaurant

in the village?
- Great.

- Hey, wait a minute.
Where are you going?

- I want to run home and slip
into something real fetching.

- You toss it,
and I'll fetch it.

- I'm crazy about you, partner.

- You too, partner.

Yahoo!

- What is it Dad?

- Arnold, I am happier
than I've ever been

in my life before,
and I owe it all to you.

Thank you, Son.

- That's okay.

And thank you for
doubling my allowance.

- How do you know about that?

- Oh, just a wild guess.

- You were eavesdropping.

- Only because I love you,

and I didn't want
to see you get hurt.

I'll buy that.

I'll buy anything
today. I'm in love.

♪ Oh what a feeling

♪ Now the world don't move

♪ To the b*at of just one drum

♪ What might be right you,
may not be right for some

♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two,
they got nothing but their jeans

♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Yes it does

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
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