06x17 - Hooray for Hollywood: Part 2

[bunniefuu]

♪ Now the world don't move ♪
To the b*at of just one drum

♪ What might be right for you

♪ May not be right for some

♪ A man is born

♪ He's a man of means

♪ Then along come two

♪ They got nothing
but their jeans

♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story

♪ Everybody finds a way to shine

♪ It don't matter that you got

♪ Not a lot

♪ So what

♪ They'll have theirs
and you'll have yours

♪ And I'll have mine

♪ And together we'll be fine

♪ Because it takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Yes it does

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world.

Last week on Diff'rent Strokes,

Maggie McKinney, the woman
Phillip Drummond is crazy about

broke off their relationship
without explanation,

and left for Hollywood
on a business trip.

So Drummond took
the whole family,

and Arnold's friend,
Dudley, out to California

for a vacation, while he
tried to win back Maggie.

- Hello, Hollywood!

Here's Arnold!

To surprise her, he
dressed up like a waiter,

and gave her an engagement
ring, but to Drummond's surprise,

he discovered
she had a little son.

- I like you.

You didn't mess up my
hair when you said hello

like everybody else does.

- Why didn't you tell
me about Sam before?

- There didn't seem
to be much point in it.

From what I could tell, you
weren't serious about me,

and also, you happened to
mention that you were glad

you didn't have to go
through raising another child.

- Is that why you
left me that night?

- Yes.

You better do some more
thinking about marrying me, Phillip.

You've got a lot
more to consider now.

Meanwhile, Arnold and
Dudley took a Hollywood

studio tour, and slipped
away from the crowd,

to find where their
television hero, Knight Rider,

was sh**ting.

The set was closed to visitors,

so Arnold and Dudley
decided to sneak in anyway,

and they hid in the back
seat of an empty car.

- Do you think they'll find us?

- No way, we should
be safe in here.

But, Arnold and
Dudley are unaware

that the car they're hiding
in is about to be blown up

in the Knight Rider episode.

And now, the
conclusion of our story.

- Okay, let's roll 'em!

And remember, when Knight
Rider steps out of his car,

I cue the big expl*si*n.

Action!

Stand by to blow it up!

- Hold it!

Don't blow it!

- David, David, David,
what are you doing?

You could've gotten k*lled!

- Yeah, well so could
these kids in the back seat.

- Hi there.

- Yeah, hi there.

What are you doing in this car?

It is loaded with dynamite.

- What you talking
about, Knight Rider?

- Alright everybody,
let's take five.

While I go have a
nervous breakdown.

- Hey what are you
kids doing here?

Come on, outta here!

- Well we came to see you.

- Yeah, you're
our favorite actor.

You're the greatest!

- Alright.

Listen Harry, give 'em a
break, they're my buddies, huh?

- Whatever you say, David.

- Thanks, Knight Rider.

- Hey, listen.

How'd you like an autograph?

- Okay, then you
can sign one for us.

- He meant his autograph, dummy.

- Got a pen?

- Sure I do.

- Okay, great.

- Just something simple,

like to Arnold.

- To Arnold.

- My best friend.

- My best friend.

- Who taught me
everything I know.

- Yeah.

- And to whom I'll
forever be grateful.

- How about if I say,
devotedly Knight Rider?

- Good thinking.

- Hey, how about one for me?

- Oh, don't worry, Dudley.

I'll give you a xeroxed
copy of this one.

- Come on, give me that
book, I'll sign one for you.

To Dudley, who gave so
much and asked for so little.

With deep humility,
Knight Rider.

- That's fantastic, thanks.

- Hey, could we
get a picture of you?

- Yeah, or better yet,

how about the three
of us get together

and take a picture with KITT?

- Oh, the car?

Great idea!

- Yeah, hey it's really
nice of you to go through all

of this trouble for us.

- No trouble at all.

The last time I took a
picture without KITT,

he didn't talk to me for a week.

Come on.

Hey, Mel, take a
picture of us, huh?

- Sure, be glad to.
- Thank you.

Okay, thumbs up.

Don't touch me.

I'm a star.

- Sorry!

And the least you could do

is photograph my good side.

- Be quiet or I'll
drain your crankcase.

These TV stars are getting
too big for their garage.

I heard that.

- Thank you.

- Don't you just love the
way they name all the dishes

after Hollywood celebrities?

- Yeah.

Who are you gonna
have for dessert, Maggie?

- Oh, I couldn't
touch another one

after that Elizabeth
Taylor diet plate.

I was expecting a little
salad, not a side of beef

and three pounds
of boiled potatoes.

- I was kinda disappointed
in the Robert Goulet goulash.

Looked good, but
it was kinda flat.

- Phillip, you asked me to
lunch to discuss something.

Does that mean that you've
been giving some thought

to what, you know,
we talked about earlier?

- Yes, as a matter
of fact, I have.

- You wanna talk about it?

Well, I mean if
you'd rather wait,

please don't let me rush you.

- Aw, thank you Maggie.

I was planning to
tell you after dessert.

- Phillip Drummond, how
can you think about food

at a time like this?

- Because I can't wait to
taste the Bo Derek cheesecake.

Alright, alright,
alright, alright.

Yes, I have come
to a conclusion,

and this is it.

I want you to
take back this ring,

and I want you to marry me.

- Oh, Phillip.

- If that is a no, I think
I could learn to live

with rejection.

- You just better learn
to live with me, Buster.

- It will be my pleasure.

You know, the more
I think about Sam,

the better I like the idea.

So do Willis and Kimberly.

They'll be going off to college

and Arnold will still have
somebody to grow up with.

- Phillip, I never dreamed
that I could be this happy.

- Well, now don't get too happy.

I have to tell you that I
believe in long engagements.

- How long?

- Well, I couldn't possibly
marry you before next week.

- Next week?

Are you saying that you
expect a busy woman like me

to wrap up my business affairs,

make all my personal
arrangements,

and marry you in one week?

- Well, yes.

- You really want
to wait that long?

- I love you, Maggie McKinney!

- Oh, look!

- Not too shabby, wot?

- This map of the movie
stars' homes is great.

We can go celebrity
hunting tomorrow.

- Are you kidding?

I bet none of those stars
live in those houses any more.

It's all a con.

- Then why do
they print them up?

- To sell them to
airheads like you.

- I'm an airhead?

You're the fool who paid
two bucks for a frozen banana

in the shape of Diana Ross!

- I like bananas.

- Oh man, that was great!

Hey, you guys missed
the thrill of a lifetime.

- We got to meet Knight Rider!

- And we got his autograph
and our picture taken with him!

- Is that all?

Least he could've done
was save your lives.

- He did that too!

We were in an automobile
and they were gonna blow it up!

- I think they
blew up his brain.

- No, it's true!

He really did save our lives.

- Don't listen to him, Dudley.

He was probably
dumb enough to buy one

of those frozen bananas
in the shape of Diana Ross.

- I like bananas!

- Kimberly, where's Dad?

- Oh, he's probably
still with Maggie.

He said he was gonna pop
the question this afternoon.

- Which question is that?

- You know, marriage.

- Marriage?

I thought Dad was just
messing around with her.

- I think Maggie's great.

She'll be good for Daddy.

- That's your opinion.

- Just look how happy
Dad is when he's with her.

It's about time Dad
had a woman in his life.

- He's got a woman in his life!

Pearl!

She gets him his slippers
and his newspaper.

What more can a man want?

- Arnold, a cocker
spaniel could do that.

Dad needs a romantic
involvement in his life.

He's been single long enough.

- How come you guys
know about this and I don't?

I'm part of this
family too, you know.

You can look me up in the will.

- Arnold, you weren't
here when Dad told us.

You were out rubbing
elbows with Knight Rider.

- Well, I just don't think
Maggie's the right kind of lady

for Dad.

She's always taking
up too much of his time,

and she's always
hanging around too much.

- Hey, Arnold, I
think you're jealous.

- Me?

Jealous?

No way, no how, no chance.

Well, maybe a little.

- Oh, hi!

And I'm glad
you're back, Arnold.

I have some wonderful
news to tell all of you.

Maggie and I are gonna
be married next week!

Alright!

- Way to go, Pop!
- That's terrific!

- Next week?

So soon?

- I nearly lost her once.

I don't want to risk that again.

And the really good
part for you, Arnold,

is that Maggie has a
seven-year-old son named Sam.

- Seven-year-old son?

- He's as cute as a bug's ear.

And he's going to
come live with us too.

It's gonna be terrific!

- Yeah, terrific.

- Does this bother you, son?

- No!

Just wondering where we're
gonna put all these people.

We'll have to put a revolving
door on the bathroom.

- Oh, don't worry, we'll
figure something out.

Maybe we'll add
on a room for Willis.

- Aw man, that's great.

I finally struck privacy.

- And Sam can share
your room with you, Arnold.

- Oh but, Dad you're
breaking up the old team.

Willis would be lost without me.

- I'm sure he can tough it out.

Hey, guess what guys?

Why don't we all get dressed
and go out and celebrate?

- Alright!

- Yeah, let's go!

- I know just what I'll wear.

- This is going to be
fine, Arnold, you'll see.

- Oh man!

Then this is the
end of the good life.

- What's the matter
with you, Arnold?

Why don't you want
your dad to marry Maggie?

- She's bossy and pushy and
she'll probably henpeck Dad

to death.

- Nobody's perfect.

- See, it doesn't matter
to Kimberly and Willis,

because they're grown up.

They don't care if Dad
spends all his time with Maggie

and her dumb kid.

But where does that leave me?

I'll tell you.

Alone, by myself,

like a guy who uses
the wrong deodorant.

- Aw, your dad wouldn't
leave you alone like that.

He loves you too much.

- Yeah, but she's got him
flopping around like a dodo bird.

Next thing you know, they'll
be wanting to sleep together.

- Arnold, that's what
you're supposed to do

when you're married.

- I know, but that's sure
gonna ruin Sunday mornings

when I grab the funny papers
and jump into Dad's bed.

- Well maybe it won't
be as bad as you think.

- Oh, I suppose I could
learn to put up with Maggie,

but who needs that dumb
kid of hers hanging around?

- Maybe you and
Sam will become pals.

- No way, now
that Willis is grown,

I don't wanna have to
raise another brother.

- Excuse me, sir.

- You talking to me?

- Yes sir.

Have you ever eaten here before?

- No, I haven't, young man.

Why do you ask?

- I was just wondering
what's good?

- Fortunately, you've
run into an expert on food.

I can eat my weight in anything.

Let's see now.

Hmm.

Ah, the Incredible
Hulk sundae looks good.

It's made out of green pistachio

and even has two
cherries for bloodshot eyes.

- What's it gonna be, men?

- I'll have the
Incredible Hulk sundae.

- Me too, make mine a double.

- Rough day at the office, huh?

- Yeah, the pits.

- I had a pretty bad day myself.

- You're too young to
know the troubles I've got.

- I may be young, but I've
had my share of hard knocks.

If you need anybody to
talk to, I'm a good listener.

- I don't like to tell other
people my problems.

- I understand.

- But as long as you asked.

My father's getting
married to a lady I don't like,

who's got a kid I don't like.

- You think that's trouble,

my mom is getting married
to a guy I don't even know,

who's got three dumb
kids I don't even know.

- That's terrible.

It's a shame parents can't be...

Wait a minute.

Where do these
three dummies live?

- In New York.

- On Park Avenue?

- Oops!

By any chance, is
your name Arnold?

- By every chance,
and you must be Sam.

- Well, I guess we're gonna
have to make the best of it sir.

- Just because I don't like
you, it's nothing personal.

- I understand.

So, what's new?

- Oh, nothing much.

Just my buddy, Dudley,
and I got to meet Knight Rider

at the studio today.

- You're kidding!

I've never been
on a studio tour.

I've never met anybody famous.

- Me and Knight Rider,
we're kinda tight now,

since I kinda saved his life.

- Gee, you're really brave, sir.

- Just naturally like that.

- Tell me more.

- Well, there was one time
I saved my whole family

and knocked this
burglar out cold.

- Really?

- Yeah, he had broken
into our apartment

and held our entire
family at gunpoint,

and everyone was scared to
death, except for me of course.

I just kinda got to him with
a couple of karate chops.

Ha, Ya, Ha!

- You know karate too?

- In some circles I'm
known as Arnold Lee.

- Boy, am I lucky!

You're gonna be a
terrific big brother!

- Big brother.

I like the sound of that.

Big brother, yeah.

Hey, this is not gonna
be as bad as I thought.

- Listen, since we're
gonna be brothers,

is it okay if call you
Arnold, instead of sir?

- No, I like sir.

But you can bring that
up again at a later date.

- Okay, sir.

- Tell you what
I will do for you.

Since you've never
been on a studio tour,

how would you
like to go with me?

- That would be great!

- Let me take care
of everything, kid.

- Here ya go, men.

I made them both
doubles, no extra charge.

- Man, I don't know
if I can finish all that.

- What are big brothers for?

- Would you at least
let me pay for it?

- I knew there was
something I liked about you.

- Good morning, and welcome
to our Hollywood screen test!

Now, behind me the
stage has been set

for a good old-fashioned
Western melodrama.

All we need are some actors.

Do I have any volunteers?

How about you, sir?

Would you like to become a star?

- Yeah!

- Is that your family or just
a bunch of pushy people?

- Both!

- Well then, why don't
we try to make stars

out of all of them?

Let's hear it for
the pushy family!

Alright, our actors are now
in wardrobe and makeup.

You all know what
to do, so let's do it.

Lights!

Camera!

Action!

Okay, Granny, come out.

Go up to the teller
with your satchel.

Grandson, you're a
brat, throw a tantrum.

Okay, teller, you open the
satchel and react to the money.

Now, here come the bank robbers!

Look mean!

No, meaner!

Okay, now grab Granny's
satchel and run out!

And everybody chase after them!

Except the grandson,
who throws another tantrum.

Do you know how to ride a horse?

- You kidding?

Who do you think taught
Hopalong Cassidy to hop along?

- Okay, up we go!

- Wait a minute!

How am I supposed to give
my horse a piece of sugar?

Lights, camera, action!

That's it, you two lovers
are rowing down the river.

Ready?

Lights!

Camera!

Action!

You look at each
other, and sigh.

It's love in bloom.

Suddenly, your
oar hits something!

You reach over and pick it up.

It's Granny's satchel of money!

The bank robbers got rid of
the evidence, and you've got it.

You both react, surprised!

Without warning, the
river starts to get rough.

Your boat hits the rapids!

Now, you two are
flying over the lake,

and suddenly,
you fly into a cloud.

As you come out of the clouds,

the man in the rowboat
below loses his balance,

throws the satchel
of money into the air,

and you catch it, Mr. Convict!

But suddenly, you
lose control of the plane!

And now, you lose the satchel!

- Oh, I may also lose my lunch.

- Now when the convict dropped
the satchel out of the plane,

it landed in the
Blues Brothers' car!

And after a big chase, they
crashed through the window

of this bakery!

Alright, ready?

Action!

The baker's really mad
and calls the Keystone Kops!

- Help, police!

And they come with Granny!

- What's going on here?

- Granny grabs her satchel.

Suddenly you all
start throwing pies!

Come on now, don't hold back!

Come on now, don't hold back!

Let's hear it for the Drummonds!

They are a terrific family
and they're really good sports.

Now, if you'll
watch your monitors,

let's see what your Hollywood
screen test looks like,

all cut together and with
a little Hollywood magic

thrown in.

- That was wonderful of
them to give us that cassette.

I'll never get
tired of playing it.

- Me neither.

I can't believe we made
such fools of ourselves!

- Oh, I don't know, I
thought I had a couple

of pretty good moments.

- I thought Arnold
was the best actor.

- You'll go far in
this house, kid.

- And when you
got hit with that pie,

and made that funny
face, I laughed so hard

I nearly busted the
elastic on my shorts.

- Yeah, that was one of
the most exciting weekends

of my life.

- That goes for me too, sir.

- Sir?

- Leave him alone,
he's comfortable with it.

- Alright everybody,
let me remind you

that next weekend's
gonna be pretty exciting too.

There's the little
matter of a wedding.

- Not as exciting as the little
matter of the honeymoon?

- I'll let you know.

- I don't get it.

- Don't worry about it, kid.

Your big brother will explain
everything about honeymoons

when I think the time's right.

- Hey, let's watch it again.

Yeah!

♪ Now the world don't move

♪ To the b*at of just one drum

♪ What might be right for you

♪ May not be right for some

♪ A man is born

♪ He's a man of means

♪ Then along come two

♪ They got nothing
but their jeans

♪ And they got Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Yes it does

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world