08x12 - Seven Little Indians

[bunniefuu]

♪ You take the good,
you take the bad ♪

♪ You take 'em both,
and there you have ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ There's a time you
gotta go and show ♪

♪ You're growin',
now you know about ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be livin' up
to your dreams ♪

♪ And suddenly
you're findin' out ♪

♪ The facts of life
are all about you ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ It takes a lot
to get 'em right ♪

♪ When you're learnin'
the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪♪

Craig, I want a divorce!

Girls, are you home yet?

Are you sleeping?

Blair! Natalie!

Hello, george, beverly ann.

Hi, listen, um...

The girls aren't home yet.

They went to a movie,
and, uh, with the storm,

I, I'm worried about them.

Could you drive to the theater

And see if they've left?

Yes, I'll pay for the gas.

Oh, well...

I don't think the trip
will require an oil change.

Thank you, george.

Cocoa, that's what I could use.

Dream... Or reality?

Which is which?

Take one beverly ann
stickle, freshly awakened

From that unconscious
reality known as a dream,

And ask yourself this question:

Is she really awake?

Then slowly blend in
a worried phone call

And the lateness of the hour,

And simmer over a
furious thunderstorm,

And what do you get?

I don't know.

Let's call it a recipe.

A recipe that's missing
5 essential ingredients:

Andy, jo, blair,
natalie, and tootie.

Tootie.

I like saying tootie.

In a moment, these
ingredients will be embroiled

In a casserole of the bizarre.

A bouillabaisse of
confusing images,

A well-done
meatloaf of the mind.

This speech is making me hungry.

Oh... One more time.

Tootie.

I'm glad we're home,
that movie petrified me.

Can I have my arm back now?

Oh, you're back!

I was worried sick!

Yeah, sorry about that.

The streets were flooded,
and it took us forever

To find someone to
carry me to the car.

Well, you're all safe and sound.

That's all that counts.

Well, what movie did you see?

A horror film.

The halloween
hacker iii... Part 6...

A new beginning...
Dave returns... Again.

Ha ha ha!

Don't laugh. It's not funny!

It was really frightening.

I can't get it out of my mind.

People were getting
chopped and sliced

And diced and minced
all over the place.

It was great!

I was so scared my
deodorant failed.

Sounds like a
real spine-tingler.

What was the story about?

Story? This dave guy
goes out and kills people.

That's the story.

Movies like that are unhealthy.

They can cause nightmares.

I'll bet poor andy won't
sleep a wink tonight.

Yeah, look at those
frazzled nerves.

Look at those galoshes.

They're making a mess
all over my needlepoint.

Should we wake him?

No, let him sleep.

I'll call his parents.

Oh, would you like some cocoa?

It'll help you sleep.

Sleep? Not me.

That's when dave got
most of his victims,

While they were asleep.

Uh-uh, this child
is staying awake

The rest of her natural life.

What was that?

Not again.

I can't help it. I keep
hearing... Listen!

Jo: tootie, either you shut up,

Or you can't sleep in here.

I heard the click

Of a chain saw being turned on!

Tootie, you're imagining things.

Now go to sleep!

What was that?

Nothing, I'm imagining things.

Come on, let's go check it out.

Are you guys coming with me,

Or you gonna stay up here
like a bunch of sniveling wimps?

Beverly ann!

What a dramatic entrance.

What happened downstairs?

Beverly ann, what is it?

It's andy!

He's... He's...
D-d-d-d-d... Stuttering?

He's... What? Andy's what?

D-d-d-d... D-d-d-d...
All: d-d-d-d-d...

Poor andy.

He was so young. Oh, tsk.

He had the sweetest disposition.

He owed me $6.00.

How did it happen?

Well, he wanted to
buy a record album, so...

Not that.

How did this happen?

I don't know.

As you can see, he
must've come in here

To blow up the inflatable moose.

Somehow the antlers
punctured the plastic containers...

Spilling the horseradish...

Causing him to slip
on the jellybeans.

When he opened his
mouth to say ouch...

That's when the
rubber cement fell in

And finished him off.

Death by rube goldberg.

Rube goldberg... A
name from the past.

You probably don't
know who he is.

Come to think of it,

You probably
don't know who I am,

But so what?

I don't know who
you are, so we're even.

Tootie.

What a unique accident.

Accident... Or m*rder?

m*rder?

m*rder.

m*rder?

m*rder.

m*rder?

She said, "m*rder." All right?

Tootie heard noises
outside, didn't she?

Some guy looks in the
shop, sees andy, and kills him.

I'm gonna call the police.

Funny.

There's no dial tone.

The storm must've
brought the line down.

Or maybe someone cut it.

Cut it?

Cut it.

Cut it?

Cut it.

Cut it? Cut it out!

As I see it, there
are only two...

Possibilities.

Either there's a
madman out there,

Or beverly ann m*rder*d andy.

Wait a minute, that would mean

She would've gone out in
the rain and cut the line,

And there's no
evidence she did that.

This is preposterous.

I put them on because I
was going to take andy home.

I'm no m*rder*r.

I wouldn't hurt a fly.

Well... I mean, if it
was buzzin' around.

Listen.

I hear something.

Again?

What are you anyway, a bat?

Somebody's coming.

See? There is a k*ller outside.

Oh, beverly ann, that's great.

That means you're innocent.

Oh! Oh!

I hate to break up this
little love fest here,

But the k*ller's getting closer.

He's coming to get us!

Oh! Oh!

Listen, he's only
a heartbeat away.

And those heartbeats are ours.

We are in trouble.

Well, I don't know
about you guys,

But I'm not going
down without a fight.

Hi.

Boy, it sure is hard to
shake the mud off your feet

On a night like tonight, huh?

Oh, george, you
had us so scared.

I'm sorry.

I couldn't find the
girls at the movie,

So I thought I'd see if
they got home all right.

Thank you, george.

Everyone's fine...
Except for... Andy.

George, andy's... Passed on.

He moved?

George, andy's...
D-d-d-d-d... D-d-d-d-d?

Oh, no.

He owed me 12 bucks.

George, the phone's not working.

We need someone to
contact the police.

I'll go for you.

George? Tell them
there's a chance

That andy's death may
have been a m*rder.

Well, maybe I oughta check the
place out for you before I go.

George, that's
very brave of you.

Here, take this, just in case.

All right. If this doesn't work,

I'll take him to the zoo.

Tootie.

Yo!

Hey! Yo!

Is anybody there?

That oughta flush him out.

George: aah!

Ohh! No! No, not that!

Oh, my goodness!

Gotcha.

Oh! George, that's not funny.

We're all under a lot of stress.

Aw, I'm sorry.

I just thought I'd
lighten things up

A little bit around here.

Anyway, there's nobody up there.

I'll go get the police.

Boo!

What can I say?
I'm irrepressible.

All right. Now that george
checked the place out,

Let's lock everything up tight

So no one can get in.

I'll check the kitchen.

I'll check the storeroom.

I'll check the shop.
I'll check upstairs.

Not without me.

I'm back.

Hi.

Stupid me.

I forgot my keys.

Hey, what are you doing?

You're gonna m*rder me.

I can tell by the weird music.

No, no, no!

No!

We'll all feel better

After some nice hot cocoa.

I won't feel better

Until george gets back
here with the police.

All right, who's been
messing with my bowling ball?

Tootie? Natalie? Blair?

You caught me.

It was league
night at bergdorf's.

Anybody messes
with my stuff again

Pays the price.

Aah! Aah! Aah!

I'm glad we
understand each other.

Ah!

I thought george
was going for help.

I guess he decided
to hang around.

I've gotta get out of here.

No. We've gotta stay here.

There's a crazy k*ller
outside stalking us.

He saw george leave, k*lled him,

And then brought his body
back in here as a message.

Listen... What's that?

You are a bat.

Don't you hear it?

The sound of a steady,
relentless ka-thump,

Ka-thump... Ka-thump.

Foreshadowing the approach

Of some kind of unspeakable,

Menacing, evil?

That's right.

No, I don't hear it.

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Are we all here?

Everyone except
natalie and tootie.

Tootie.

You hid in the closet
with a dead person?

At least I knew he
wasn't gonna hurt me.

Be careful, jo.

You don't wanna
trip over natalie.

Natalie! Aah!

Beverly ann: oh, no.

All: craps.

Poor natalie.

Strangled by a
pair of fuzzy dice.

What a whimsical way to die.

No.

She's gone.

My best friend is gone,

Her life snuffed
out like a candle.

We spent so many
moments together,

Laughed at the
same jokes... Ha ha ha.

Shared our most
intimate thoughts,

Dreams, ambitions... Toothpaste.

We meant so much to each other.

I don't know what to say.

You could've fooled me.

We've gotta go for help.

I know, the phone.

It's not working.

No, my cellular phone.

It's my hot line to tiffany's.

They'll call the
peekskill police,

After I order
something appropriate

To wear to natalie's funeral.

We're gonna die.

I know it.

We're all going to die...

Hunted and k*lled by
some maniac, like dave.

There's one thing about all this

That really bothers me.

Besides tootie's overacting?

Those dice didn't come
down by themselves.

Someone had to
set them in motion.

Someone who may
still be upstairs.

Oh, no.

Blair's upstairs.

Yeah.

Blair?

Yo, blair.

Oh, blair, thank
goodness you're all right.

Beverly ann: we were
so worried about you.

Aah!

She's completely stiff.

Looks like she was
moussed to death.

Poor blair.

Well, at least she
d*ed the way she lived...

Looking at herself.

It's a good thing I put
the cocoa in a thermos.

It's still hot.

And so they sit,

Hoping to find some
small measure of comfort

In the topsy-turvy miasma
of the night's events

With some cocoa,
wisely kept in a thermos.

An amazing device, the thermos.

It keeps hot things hot
and cold things cold.

The question is, how do it know?

Tootie.

An interesting thing
has just occurred to me...

About our mr. k*ller.

We locked all the doors,

And still natalie and
blair were m*rder*d.

That means that the
k*ller must be one of us.

It isn't me.

Or me.

Or me.

Well, we'll just have to wait

For one of us to k*ll one of us

To find out which
one of us it is.

All I know is

I'm keeping my eyes
on the both of you.

That may not help.

After all, the k*ller
is very resourceful.

Who knows when or how

She might strike next?

A g*n? A Kn*fe?

Electrocution?

Poison?

Oh, dear.

I see my whole life
passing before me.

Hi, granma.

Thank you.

Sweet little tootie
a mass m*rder*r?

I didn't think
you had it in you.

I'm not the k*ller, you are.

And I'm going
straight to the police

Even if I have to walk there.

Excuse me, george.

Good idea.

Oh, no.

Why did you want me
to go out this door?

You've probably got
something planned for me.

Well, I'm going out
through the store, honey.

Would you pipe down!

I'm trying to sneak
up on somebody here!

Jo?

Jo?

I don't remember the
floor being this lumpy.

Aah!

Oh, no!

Jo's been croaked.

Oh, no.

She was right.

Sweet little me is
a mass m*rder*r.

But I don't remember any of it.

Multiple personalities.

That's gotta be it.

The six faces of me,

Each face responsible
for a different death:

Andy, george, natalie, blair,

Beverly ann, jo.

Blair: and then
there was tootie.

Aah!

Blair?

But... I thought you
were... Dippity-doed?

That's what I wanted
everyone to think.

It made it easier to get
rid of the rest of you.

You?

You're the m*rder*r?

Blair, that's so inconsiderate.

Don't you see?

It's part of my plan
to eliminate everyone

Who falls under
the 50% tax bracket.

But we were your friends.

My friends don't wear polyester.

They don't drive
motorcycles or ramblers.

They don't buy their
shoes at the supermarket.

I get mine from paris, honest.

Too late, tootie.

You're hopelessly middle class.

Blair! Please! Oh, no!

Please! Blair!

Please! Please!

No, please!

Please, don't!

Don't k*ll tootie!

Beverly ann, wake up. Wake up.

No! Don't drink the cocoa!

Natalie.

You're alive.

Beverly ann, you were
having a nightmare.

Yes, yes, I was.

Oh, oh, it was terrible.

Oh, we were all being
m*rder*d by blair

Because we bought our
shoes at the supermarket.

Then you deserved to die.

Oh, I'm glad that's over.

Well, how was the movie?

Not enough carnage for my taste.

Listen. What?

Who could that be
at this time of night?

Oh, it's only george.

I called him to
check up on you girls.

Aah!

Tootie, are you all right?

What happened?

Oh, I had a horrible nightmare.

See? I told you.

You shouldn't go to
those kinds of movies.

Oh, it was terrible. Oh.

I was dreaming that
you were dreaming,

And this guy in a suit was in it

And we were all k*lled by blair

And natalie was
choked by fuzzy dice

After george was
hanging in the closet.

And then I opened
up the front door...

Submitted for
your consideration...

A dream within a
dream within what?

Reality or fantasy?

I don't know.

But I leave you with
this one thought.

Tootie.

I just love saying it.

Tootie.