08x17 - Cupid's Revenge

[bunniefuu]

♪ You take the good,
you take the bad ♪

♪ You take 'em both
and there you have ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ There's a time you
gotta go and show ♪

♪ You're growin',
now you know about ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be livin' up
to your dreams ♪

♪ And suddenly
you're findin' out ♪

♪ The facts of
life are all about ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ It takes a lot
to get 'em right ♪

♪ When you're learnin'
the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

Would you look at these?

Who would be tacky enough

To wear these for
valentine's day?

Wear what?

You know, on valentine's day,

Frank would always
send a bouquet of flowers,

A box of chocolates,

And a mushy poem that
he wrote all by himself.

I never saw a man so
close to his mother.

Has professor thompson
asked you to the dance yet?

Not yet.

Not that oliver hasn't
had numerous chances,

But how many lunches can a woman
buy for a man without feeling pushy?

Well, I already have a date...

Not surprisingly.

Which one of your many suitors

Will you be dragging
to the dance, blair?

Fletcher.

He's rich, witty, handsome...

And besides, he submitted
the winning application.

Jo, will you be
going to the dance?

Ah, well, valentine's
isn't that high

On my list of major holidays.

No date again, huh?

We're in the same boat, jo.

Snake can't take me. He's working
out of town another few weeks.

Yeah, well, I may
not have a date yet,

But I've got a great dress

Burning a hole in my closet.

Hi, everybody.

Oh, hi, beverly ann.

Hi, oliver.

Hi, professor. Hi.

I'll be ready in a minute.

I'm starving.

Yeah, I am, too, and
this time I'm paying.

We're getting ready for
our valentine's day rush.

You know, that
special time of year

When love is dancing in the air?

Yeah, well, if that's a hint,

I'm already in the spirit.

I'm wearing little boxer shorts

With little hearts and
arrows all over them.

Hey, guys, look at this.

A cupid. We didn't
order a cupid.

Huh, that's strange.

What's strange? Send it back.

No. We can't send cupid back.

When 2 people feel the sting

Of this little fellow's arrow,

They fall in love.

That's what must have
happened with blair and... Blair.

By the way, beverly
ann, would you like to go

To the valentine dance with me?

Oh...

Oh, is there a dance at
langley on valentine's day

At 7:30 p.m. In the
student union?

Yes, i... I think I'm
free that night.

Great. Let's go to lunch.

Oh!

Bye.

Cupid's working.

Come on, tootie. Cupid's a myth.

Yes, but he's also
anatomically correct.

Now, i-i've got to
disagree with you there, jo.

You know, now that
mickey mouse has turned 50,

I need something to believe in.

Well, I got a motorcycle to fix.

Left it underneath my pillow,

But the carburetor
fairy never showed up.

That was a cry for
help if ever I heard one.

Cliff: hi, princess.

Cliff!

Last time I looked.

What a surprise.

Why didn't you let me
know you were coming?

Because I wanted to hear you say

"Cliff, what a surprise!"

Hi, cliff.

Hi, tootie. Hi, natalie.

Oh, uh, cliff. This is andy.

Hi, andy. How you doing?

Fine.

Cliff and I used to go together

Before he went off to
houston to medical school.

Well, it was more
than go together.

I asked her to marry
me, and she said no.

I said no to a lot of things.

Oh, that's just
part of my charm.

Come on inside.

So I'm graduating med school,

And I'm here to
check out hospitals

In boston and new
york for my internship.

Can you stay for dinner?

Oh, I'd love to, but I've
got to catch a train

Back to new york
for an interview.

Oh, pooh.

Listen, i... I noticed
the poster in the store

For the dance on saturday,

But I suppose you
have a date already.

Oh, cliff. If you'd only
told me you were coming.

I figured.

You must have 5
or 6 guys after you.

7 Or 8.

Uh, well, I better be going.

You know, I don't get it.

They can make a tv
the size of a toenail,

But they can't make a valve

That doesn't stick.

Cliff. Jo.

Gosh, i, uh, almost
didn't recognize you.

Thanks. Good to see you, too.

Eh, oh, nah.

Look, i-i-i'd love to visit,

But i-i-i've got
to catch a 4:45.

Oh, well, let me run
you to the station.

I gotta test my bike anyway.

Well, great. Thanks.

You know, blair.
Seeing you again...

Makes me realize how lucky I was

To have been the only man

In your life for a while.

Wasn't too bad a
deal for me, either.

I'll give you a call

Before I go back to houston.

Please do.

Bye. Bye.

Tell the truth, blair.

Didn't you feel
the slightest tingle

When cliff walked back
into your life yesterday?

Trust me. Cliff
and I are history.

Over, kaput, done, finis.

That's all she wrote.

Besides, fletcher's
the man of the hour.

Ta.

Ooh, whole hour.

Must be quite a guy.

According to this,
though people scoff

At the myth of cupid...

Are you listening, scoffers?

Stories of his romantic powers

Abound in literature.

And you've got to admit,
a lot of romantic things

Have been happening
since this cupid showed up.

Tootie, what
you're talking about

Can be explained scientifically.

The cupid makes you feel good.

Feeling good gives
off positive vibes.

Positive vibes send
out a cosmic energy

Which other people tune in to,

And why do I suddenly feel

Like I'm in california?

Hello.

Jeff!

It's jeff!

It's jeff. It's jeff.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

This afternoon?

That's great.

Ok, we'll talk
when you get here.

Bye.

Do you believe this?

Jeff's in town.

We haven't seen
each other in 2 years!

This is perfect. I'll ask him
to the valentine's dance.

What do you think
of cupid now, jo?

Come on, tootie.

This is a piece of plaster.

Oh, I don't know, jo.

There are a lot of unexplained
mysteries out there.

The bermuda
triangle... U.f.o.s...

What happened to jimmy hoffa.

Maybe that's jimmy now.

Bananagram for natalie green.

That's me!

♪ Oh, natalie ♪

♪ I miss you ♪

♪ I'm always ♪

♪ Thinking of you ♪

♪ A valentine's date ♪

♪ I wanna make ♪

♪ See you saturday night ♪

♪ I said saturday night ♪

♪ Love, snake ♪

Snake's taking me to the dance.

Thank you, cupid.

It is not cupid.

Besides, I'm the one
holding it, not you.

Jo, baby. Long time, no see.

Roy.

Oh, no. You're back.

There you go. Thanks a lot.

I'm not the same, uh,
how should I put it?

Immature delivery boy

Who used to follow
you around at eastland.

No. I've changed.

It's a permanent condition
or just during the full moon?

Still witty as
heck, aren't you, jo?

Anyway...

I started up my own business,

And now I own 7
bananagram franchises.

Ooh, that's quite a bunch.

You break me up.

Jo, let me put on my
sincere face for a minute.

Now that I'm solvent,

I'm ready to take
the next step in life.

This is the serious
me talking now, jo.

You're standing
here in a gorilla suit

Asking me to take you seriously?

My stockholders do.

Yeah.

See, when a man becomes a mogul,

He wants someone to
share his empire with.

In other words, jo.

It's lonely at the top...

And so, I'd like to rekindle the
romance we had going for us.

We never had any
romance going for us.

We didn't? No.

Then who was it?

Gotcha.

What do you say, jo?

You and me, we could, uh,

Abba-dabba the nights away.

Ooh ooh ooh.

Well, gosh, call
me old-fashioned.

I just don't think a girl
should date outside her species.

Got me again.

Well, now that I've found you,

I won't be a stranger.

You couldn't get any stranger.

My card.

Your head.

Why me, god?

Jo, where do we keep
the heart-shaped...

Oh, no. Where's the cupid?

Tootie, you're really
beginning to worry me.

Jo, I left it right there
on the coffee table.

This does not bode well.

Every single male on earth

Should be tarred and feathered,

Drawn and quartered and
spread-eagled in the hot desert sun.

She get another traffic ticket?

We saw oliver at the
five fountains restaurant.

So what?

He was with another woman
of a younger persuasion

And he kissed her.

Professor thompson
two-timing beverly ann?

Did I bode right
or did I bode right?

Hi, jo.

Hey, cliff. Uh,
blair's not here.

Well, that's ok, uh,
because I came to see you.

I'm driving to boston

And I only have a minute,

But I wanted to ask you

To the valentine's dance.

Me?

Yeah. We had so much
fun the other day,

Uh, well, if you don't
have a date already,

How about it?

Well, it's kind of sudden,
but sure. It sounds good.

Great. I'll pick you up at 7:00.

All right.

How could you accept
a date with cliff?

"It's done, finis, kaput.
That's all she wrote."

Remember?

And you thought I meant that?

No. I thought you were
reciting from a thesaurus.

Jo! Cliff once asked
me to marry him.

And you turned him down.

He asked me to the dance.

And you already had a date.

I can't believe you're getting
so technical about this.

Look, if it will make you happy,

I won't go to the
dance with him.

No, please.

Don't pass up a
date on my account.

Great, then I will go with him.

You do, and I'll never
speak to you again.

What do you want me to do?

Well, if you don't know,

I'm certainly not
going to tell you.

Ok, professor thompson
was with another woman.

Maybe he had a good explanation.

I phoned him for his
good explanation.

It wasn't good enough.

He wasn't home.

You screamed into
his message machine.

Beverly ann, he's
going to listen

To his messages and hear,

"Forget our date,
you womanizing worm,

And may you sleep
with the fishes."

I'm going to my room.

Don't bother to
call me for dinner.

Just open the door and
throw in some raw meat.

This is awful.

Their entire happiness
could be ruined.

We've gotta drop
everything that we're doing

And get them back together.

Tootie. Jeff.

So figure something
out, will you?

Hi, jeff.

Hey, nat.

Bye, nat. Bye, tootie.

Hi, ha ha.

Well, don't just stand
there, come on in.

Tell me everything. We
have so much to catch up on.

Well, I'm not dating anybody.

Ok, you can start with that.

God, it is good to see you.

You know, tootie,
I've always felt bad

About the way we left things.

Jeff, I was a high school kid

Trying to keep up with a
sophisticated college guy.

So tell me all about
life at penn state.

Oh, tootie, I have
found something

That really excites me.

I mean, it's opened my eyes

To a whole new world.

You're not hanging
out at airports

In those robes, are you?

Marine biology,
and I just love it.

That's great.

You wouldn't believe what
they're doing with eels these days.

Oh, they're delicious. I
had some at a sushi bar.

Guess what?

My theater professor
actually thinks

I'm ready to tackle ibsen.

Tootie, can you believe

That there are actually
people out there

Who still think an electric
eel admits a dc current?

Dc, what a coincidence.

I'm going to washington.

Well, that's if I'm lucky enough

To win the college
drama competition.

See, I'm a method actress,

But I hear the judges
are partial to grotowski.

You don't know
who that is, do you?

Not a clue.

And I don't suppose you know

What a cephalopod is?

I think I missed school
the day they covered that.

This isn't going very well.

I know.

Jeff, what broke
us up 2 years ago...

Was that we were at
different places in our lives.

I guess this time, I was hoping
that we'd have more in common.

So was i.

Anyway... It was
good to see you.

You, too.

Thanks for stopping by.

Yeah.

Blair, what's the matter?

New tax laws getting to you?

I am angry because my
roommate betrayed me.

She did not betray you.

Natalie, please.

Jo has always been jealous

About the differences
between us.

Differences? You're both smart,

Both pretty, both brunette...

She stole my boyfriend.

Ex-boyfriend.

Look, you probably
haven't resolved

Your feelings about cliff.

It's like me and snake.

Natalie, dear, that's
hardly a comparison.

Blair, dear, what
are you driving at?

Your elusive snake.

None of us have ever seen him.

One has to wonder if he exists.

One has to wonder
if I'm hearing this.

Look, natalie, you're a writer.

You could have created this
oddball character named snake

Out of your imagination.

If I made him up, I would
have named him maurice.

Well, we'll have
our moment of truth

At the dance, now, won't we?

This thing sucks eggs.

You took the cupid?

Yeah. I took it to
the girls' gym class

To see if I could get lucky.

Obviously you struck out.

Worse. 10 Girls asked me out.

Now what do I do?

See if you can get a
group rate at the drive-in.

Hello, everyone. Is
beverly ann around?

Uh, we'll tell her you're here.

It takes two of you?

One of us to tell
her you're here,

The other to sh**t
the tranquilizing dart.

They were acting a little
strange, don't you think?

You think that's strange?

Stay away from the girls' gym.

I'll keep it in mind.

Oliver.

What a pleasant surprise.

I'm delighted to see you.

You are in a good
mood, beverly ann.

Yes. I, uh,

I've done a great
deal of thinking.

And, uh, while I was
slamming my closet door

For the past 6 hours,

And, uh, I've come
to the conclusion

That, uh, you can see
other women if you want.

I can? Ok.

Well, you're a man, and
you must have certain urges.

All men do.

Well, except for my ex-husband.

So, far be it for me to
keep your dander down.

All right.

That's the best
offer I've had in weeks.

And, uh, as for the
dance, we're still going,

Whether you want to or not.

I never thought otherwise.

Not even after you heard
the message on your machine?

I haven't been home yet.

I came straight here from
having lunch with my sister.

Your sister?

Your younger, prettier sister?

She's prettier than I am.

I see.

Oh, by the way,

Oliver, I've thought it over,

And you can't see other women.

Well, it was fun
while it lasted.

Anyway, I'm on my way to class,

And I dropped by to find
out what time you want me

To pick you up for
the dance on saturday.

Oh, uh... 7:30 Be all right?

7:30 Would be fine.

All right.

Well.

Ooh! And oliver, oh, by the way,

Uh, there's a strange woman

Running around campus
impersonating my voice,

Leaving hostile messages
on people's machines.

Tootie, why don't
you just come with us?

Go stag to a valentine's dance?

No, thanks.

No date? No problem.

Just make up a
boyfriend like natalie did.

Blair, the only reason I'm
not truly getting ticked off

Is I realize you think
with your teeth,

Which you're about to lose.

You see? That's
probably snake now.

Uh, hi, jeff. It's only jeff.

What are you doing here?

Listen, tootie,

I snuck in on your
rehearsal this afternoon.

You were good.

I'm not sure what
hedda was gabling about,

But how about if I take you

To the valentine's dance
and you explain it to me?

Maybe I already have a date.

And what's he wearing,
pajamas with feet?

Ok, so maybe I am free.

So am i.

You see, that's one
thing we have in common.

Ok, you'd be surprised
at how fast I can change.

Oh, I looked up cephalopod.

It's only an octopus.

Help yourself to
anything in the fridge.

Ah, that's snake.

Hello?

Oh, hi, fletcher.

Oh, I'm sorry.

No, no, of course I understand.

Ok, well, have a safe trip.

Bye-bye.

That was fletcher.

He has to go to palm beach.

His great-uncle is ill.

Oh, it's only a head cold,

But fletcher
can't take a chance.

He's in the will.

What a shame.

You're gonna miss a great dance.

Well, I'll just stay here
and keep you company.

He's real.

See? That's gotta be him.

Hi, professor thompson.

Good evening, natalie. Blair.

Would you mind announcing
my arrival to my fair lady?

By george, I think she's got it.

Evening, oliver.

Snake!

Hi, everybody. Cliff.

Jo's not ready yet.

She'll be right down.

Let's go, beverly ann.

I'd like to get in a
couple of fox trots

Before they start
the slam dancing.

Have a good time.

Uh, come on inside. Jo
will be down in a minute.

Jeez, you look terrific.

I, uh, hope you save me a dance.

Oh, I'm not going.
Fletcher had to cancel.

Tell me all about med school.

Blair, it's like, uh,
being on a treadmill

24 Hours a day.

Poor cliffy.

You know, not marrying me

Was the best thing
you could have done.

I suppose we'd never have
any time for each other.

What a waste to be married

To a beautiful girl like
you and to never see her.

Well, heh heh...

That's water under
the bridge now.

Is it?

Oh, hi, jo. Happy
valentine's day.

Are you ready to go?

Uh, cliff, I'm, uh...

I'm just gonna go get the door.

Hi, it's me.

Uh, heh, roy. Come on in here.

Where have you
been? You're late.

Late? I didn't even
know I was coming.

Uh, cliff, you're
gonna hate me for this,

But, uh, I completely forgot

Roy had already
asked me to the dance.

I did?

You did.

Lucky I came by with the candy.

Look, I remembered
after you left.

I'm really sorry. I didn't
know where to reach you.

Uh, no hard feelings, huh?

No, I mean, it's all right.

I-it happens.

You know, I could be
way out of line here,

But, uh, seeing as how
you both got dumped,

Why don't you just go
to the dance together?

Well, what do you say, blair?

I mean, it would
only take me a minute

To fill out an application.

I still have your old one.

Roy, you take care of that girl.

She's a friend of mine.

Don't worry. She's
in good hands.

Ok, jeff, I'm ready.

Great. Let's split.

Natalie, I don't
suppose you want us

To stick around until
snake arrives, do you?

No, you guys go ahead.

We'll catch up with you later.

Sure.

Humor her.

Snake! I'll be right out.

You'll just have to
take my word for it.