06x23 - Quitting Time

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

(no voice)

♪ I bet we've been together
for a million years ♪

♪ And I bet we'll be together
for a million more ♪

♪ Oh, it's like
I started breathing ♪

♪ On the night we kissed ♪

♪ And I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪

♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪

♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪

♪ And there ain't no nothing we
can't love each other through ♪

♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪



Jennifer? Jen, you're not
gonna believe this.

I'm so excited.

I was up in the attic,
and I found this shoe box.

Congratulations, Mal.

It's a real nice one.

No, you don't understand.

It's full of Mom and Dad's
old love letters.

(squeals)

What's a love letter?

It's a really mushy letter
you send someone

to tell them
how much you love them.

I want to write one
to Rachel Feltman.

I love her.

Who's she?

She's a girl in my class.

She's only five,
but I don't care...

I like 'em young.

MALLORY: No, wait,
listen, listen, listen.

"My dearest,
sweetest lambikens...

(laughing)

"...you were
so beautiful last night

"when we took over
the administration building.

"Your lustrous skin
was made even more luminous

- Oh. Hi, guys.
- By the rosy..." Oh!

- Nothing! Um, it's n...
- Yeah, nothing, Mom.

Nothing. Nothing.

Yeah. Nothing, lambikens.

Hey, listen... Hi.
Lauren's car just pulled up,

and I want to talk to you guys

about something
before she comes in.

Wow, I haven't seen Lauren
around here lately.

Yeah, see, that's what
I want to talk to you about.

She's been having a lot of
trouble with her senior thesis,

and-and she's feeling
kind of down about it.

So whatever you do,

don't mention
the word "psychology"

- or "thesis."
- (knocking)

- Hi.
- Hey.

- ELYSE: Hi, Lauren.
- Hi.

Hey, Lauren! How's that
senior psychology thesis?

MALLORY:
Dad, Dad...

Alex asked us
not to mention anything

about her senior thesis.

Why can't we say anything
about your senior thesis?

Because she's
having trouble with it.

Well, trouble with what?

BOTH:
Her senior thesis!

I want to thank you all
very much.

You pulled that off beautifully.

I appreciate your concern,
but actually,

this thesis thing,
it's no big deal.

Really? I hear you're
having trouble with it.

Honey, come on.
Let's not think

about that nasty thesis, okay?

Bad thesis!

Let's... let's talk
about us, okay?

How long it's been
since we've seen each other,

what a great time
we're gonna have tonight,

nice movie, fancy dinner...
I'll even lend you the money.

Listen, Lauren,
if you don't like your topic,

I've got one for you.
A friend of mine

last year at Grant
did her psychology thesis

on "Intimacy Problems
Between Capricorns and Pisces

During the Holidays."

She got an "A."

I don't know if
I can change my topic now.

I've been researching this one
for over two years.

Well, how much
have you written so far?

A page and a half.

Oh, yeah.
If you've written that much,

you can't turn back now.

(sighs)

(knocking)

Hey, surprise.

Oh, Alex, I'm so glad
you're here! Mm!

- ALEX (chuckles): Whoa. Hey.
- Oh! I'm sorry I had to cancel

- that date last night.
- No, that's all right,

that's okay... I went
to the movies with Skippy.

You know...
Fatal Attraction with Skippy

takes on a whole new meaning.

- Mmm!
- I probably should have gone.

- As it is, I got nothing done.
- Ah, really?

Yeah. You know,
I look at these mice,

running like crazy on that wheel
and getting nowhere.

I think, how different
am I from a mouse?

You don't sit in your food.

I had a meeting with
Professor Lombard this morning.

I showed her what I had
on my thesis so far,

- and she was disappointed.
- Oh.

"This thesis will explore
the following areas of behavior.

(chuckles): "One... spend
more time with Alex.

"Two... go out more with Alex.

Three... talk more with Alex."

Honey, this is brilliant.

That's not it. That's
the chapter I'm writing now.

I'm thinking of calling it
"Things I Can Do With Alex

If I Quit My Thesis."

That's a snappy title.

You're not really thinking of
quitting your thesis, are you?

What would be
so wrong with that?

I-I could go back
to my old life,

a life that I liked very much.

I could spend
more time with you.

I could care for you
and-and nurture you

and watch over you.

I could devote myself to you,
and make sure

that you're as happy
and as contented

as a human being
could possibly be.

If that would make you happy.

It would.
I really want to quit.

D-Don't you think
it's a good idea?

I can't say.
I mean, that's your decision.

All right, then fine...

I'm quitting!

Oh, Alex, I-I feel
like an enormous weight's

been lifted from me.

I'm free!

Does that mean you
can go out with me tonight?

Are you kidding?
We're gonna celebrate.

- Mm! Come on.
- Mm!

I quit!

Do you hear that, Sigmund?

I quit!

Now I'm gonna devote
all my time and energy

to making you happy. Mm!

Glad I stopped by.

(Steven whistling a tune)

Hi. Hey, what are you two doing?

We're writing another
love letter to Rachel Feltman.

Another one?

What'd she think
of the first one?

She hit me.

It's a start.

The letter made
Margie Phillips cry.

Why?

Because Margie loves me,
but I don't love Margie.

I love Rachel.
Rachel loves Clint Eastwood.

She claims they've dated.

Well, Andy, maybe I can help you

win the heart
of your fair Rachel.

You probably don't know this,
but in my day

I was quite
the love letter writer myself.

Isn't that true...

my lovely...

my golden-haired,

gossamer angel?

Yes.

Write this down!
It's working!

My sweet...

each breath seems a lifetime
when I'm away from you.

I'd walk miles
across desert sands...

for one glimpse...

- of your rare beauty.
- Ooh.

(Elyse sighs)

- Oh, well, we were just, uh...
- Mom,

hey, no need to explain, okay?

I understand.

It's tough to keep
the excitement alive.

Oh, come on, now, Alex,

I've seen you and Lauren
get pretty mushy together.

Yeah, well, it's different,
Mom... we're young.

Mush looks good on us.

Well, you've enjoyed
being together

- with Lauren again, though,
haven't you? - I can't lie

to you, Mom.
You know, Lauren quitting

this thesis is the best thing
that ever happened to me.

Better than Nixon's pardon?

That was more emotional,
of course.

But this is beyond
my wildest dreams.

And-and Lauren is doing
all this great stuff for me.

She even baked me a cake
and decorated it.

It was a scale model of
the floor of the stock exchange.

Done entirely in frosting.

Tiny edible dollars.

Little angry traders.

Oh, well, as long as
she's using her time wisely.

Ooh. Do I detect a note
of condescension in your voice?

Ooh. Certainly not.

Hey, Mom, when I met Lauren,
I was willing to put up

with the professional
career woman syndrome.

I mean, you suffer from that
yourself, don't you, Mom?

Yes, and I'm getting help.

I lucked out, that's all.

I mean, you know, Lauren decided
she doesn't want a career,

so I get the best
of both worlds...

I get a smart girl
who doesn't show it.

Face powder
directly on the lips?

MALLORY:
Yes.

Then apply the lipstick, okay?

And blot it a little bit.

Then put your lip gloss on, and
you're practically smudge-proof.

- That's great.
- Yeah.

Alex, you wouldn't believe
the things Mallory knows.

No argument there.

MALLORY:
Hey, Mom,

come on up...
I want to show you

these new red sneakers
I just bought.

I thought you just bought
some red sneakers last week.

No, these are high-tops;
they're for evening.

So, did you have
a good day today, honey?

Oh, yeah, not bad, not bad.

I finally finished
that economics paper.

Um... what'd you do?

Oh, not much.
I rested.

Saw a really good
Wheel of Fortune on TV.

(chuckles):
Great, great.

So, oh, did you interview
for that teaching job

you were talking about?

Well, not really.
There were about a hundred

other people applying...
I can't compete with that.

Why not?

Because I don't want to.

Besides, I've been thinking,

if the purpose in life
is to be happy,

why should I do anything
that doesn't make me happy?

Right, right.
I guess I can't argue with that.

I want to learn gourmet cooking.

I want to learn
bonsai gardening.

I want to learn pebble art.

Aha!

But you're not ruling out this
teaching job entirely, are you?

It won't make me happy.
I'm happy doing this.

And if I need money, I'll
just go on Wheel of Fortune.

Aha.

Alex, if I get a job,

I may not be here for you
when you need me.

Don't you understand?

I want to spend
every second with you...

starting now.

(laughs softly)

Hi.

Thanks.

This is working out fine.

Dad, will you check
this letter for spelling?

Yeah.

(clears throat)

"Dear Rachel,
you have nice logs."

I meant legs.

Well, you should change that.

No, she has nice logs, too.

Sounds like the basis
of a good relationship.

Come on, Andy, let's go
deliver your letter to Rachel.

LAUREN:
Mrs. Keaton,

thanks for letting me go
through your recipe file.

Oh, yeah, well, since you're
making this big dinner for Alex,

I thought it might help
if you knew

some of his favorite dishes.

Yeah. Tonight I'm making

Nancy Reagan's Hearty Beef Stew,

for conservative cowboys
and ravenous Republicans.

BOTH:
Mmm.

MALLORY:
Lauren, I am really

impressed.

I mean,
I could never make a beef stew.

I wouldn't know the first thing
to go into it.

Well, beef.

Oh, right!

I'm so excited.

I-I just love to cook, but
I haven't had time until now.

So you're really glad
you dropped your thesis, right?

Oh, yes.
What a relief!

You know, all that time
I spent studying,

I felt like I was banging
my head against the wall.

Oh, you do that, too?

It just wasn't right for me.

You know, sometimes
people make the wrong choices.

Like... in the Days of Our
Children. Do you watch?

Oh, the soap opera. Yeah, yeah.

It's like how Zander
keeps trying to please Reef,

but she'd be better off
with Skyler.

Well, I think
she should be with Brick.

No, he's got a new girlfriend...
Cashmere.

Oh, I love her!

Well, I'd better get
the groceries for tonight.

Tell Alex
I'll see him at dinner.

Oh, yeah,
and I'll see you Friday

for that makeover lesson.

- Hey. -Oh, Alex, you can go
grocery shopping with me.

Oh, honey, listen,

I'm-I'm getting a little tired
of grocery shopping.

Oh, come on. It's fun.

You like it when I wheel you
around in that cart.

You know, Alex,
you really should go.

Nick and I always have a lot
of fun grocery shopping.

Well, we... well, we go up
to the deli counter,

and we each take a number,
and we run!

Well...

can you imagine the looks
on their faces

when they call our numbers,
and we're not there?!

(laughs)

You two have such a full life.

Oh, Alex, let's do that.

Honey!

I'm, uh... I'm not in the mood
for deli pranks.

Okay, if you don't want to go,

but I'm gonna miss you
every minute.

All right.

Hmm.

I can't believe
what's happening.

I now have a woman
who runs errands for me

and-and cooks for me
and takes care of me.

I mean, it's everything
I ever wanted,

and I... and I can't stand it.

Do you think
there's something wrong with me?

Um... generally speaking?

Mallory... tell me something.

Do you notice anything different
about Lauren?

Well, she's definitely
dressing better.

And she seems
to know a lot more.

I mean, about important things.

So you two are having a lot
of fun together?

Oh, I've never gotten along
with her better.

We're like one and the same now.

That's what I was afraid of.

Wow.

Okay, this is your night,

so I just want you
to sit down and relax.

Oh, and I have
the evening edition

of the paper for you to read
while I'm busy with dinner.

Mmm.

Okay. Uh, honey? Honey?

Honey, um, I would really rather
just chat.

Well, it's not just dinner,
Alex.

I'm also doing some laundry
for you,

arranging some flowers

and putting the final touches
on dessert.

What is this,
the Betty Crockerathon?

Lauren, sit down, talk to me.

What do you want to talk about?

How about, uh...

how about
those election primaries, huh?

Oh, Alex,
I don't read the paper anymore.

There's so much sad news in it.

I just want to be happy.

Yeah, well, honey,

it's important to keep up with
what's going on in the world.

I mean, for example... for...

For example, uh...

do you see
about this development

in-in the Persian Gulf?

Yes, I did,
and I'm really mad about it.

You are? Fabulous. Great.

What are you mad about?

Um, U.S. Involvement?
Iranian aggression?

What? Tell me. Tell me.

I'm mad that
that stupid news report broke

in the middle
of Days of Our Children.

Right there when Zander
was about to tell Reef

that Brick and Cashmere
were trying to frame Skyler

for Nicole's m*rder.

(Alex makes a high-pitched,
squeaking scream)

Oh, Alex, what's wrong?

Honey, don't-don't you miss
your old life?

Your thesis, the lab, the work?

The-the-the... the feeling
that you got

when you learned something new,
something real?

Look, I thought you wanted me
to drop my thesis.

I... I know. I did.

I... Maybe I was wrong.

You have so much to offer.

You know,
you should be doing more

than watching soap operas
and clipping recipes.

But they're good recipes, Alex.

Lauren, look at yourself.

You are frittering your life
away on these things.

Don't you get tired
of doing the same thing

day after day and not
accomplishing anything?

Don't you appreciate
all that I've done?

The errand running?
The cooking?

- It's all for you.
- Oh.

Is-is it so bad that I want

to spend my time with you
and make you happy?

What about you?

What about
making yourself happy?

I mean...
you're using me as an excuse.

- I am not.
- Admit it!

You spend all your time
watching TV!

Playing along
with Wheel of Fortune!

All right,
may-maybe you're right.

Maybe I have been watching
too much TV.

I'll stop... and I'll spend
more time with you, okay?

Okay, look, just stop
trying to please me

by satisfying my every whim!

I can't believe
I just said that.

Alex, this isn't
that big of a problem.

It is. It is.

You don't see it.

Lauren, you're hiding.

You're hiding
from the real world.

You quit more than your thesis,
Lauren.

You quit life.

I love you, but...

not like this,
not the way you are right now.

Lauren? Lauren?

Leave me alone.

Hi, Alex.

Hi, Andy. So,

Mom tells me you're writing
a new love letter to Rachel.

How did that go?

She pushed me into a hedge.

She's quite a charmer.

But Margie Phillips was there,
and she helped me up.

- Ah, that's good.
- She loves me.

Now I love Margie, not Rachel.

Ah, so let me guess.

So now you're writing
a love letter to Margie.

That's right.
Could you help me?

Absolutely. Absolutely.

What have you got so far?

"Dear Margie."

That's good. That's good.

That's good.
I mean, it's a start.

I didn't want
to come on too strong.

But there's a lot more to say,
you know.

Like, um...

"Thanks for helping me out
of the hedge."

And, also, "My dear Margie,

"I'm sorry that I didn't
pay more attention to you.

"Sorry for a lot of things.

"When you ran out of the room
tonight, I... my heart sank.

"I love you.
I want to be with you.

But your thesis is important."

Yeah, that's good.
Margie will like that.

Hey, any word from Lauren?

Uh... no.

No, I don't... think I'll be
hearing from Lauren too soon.

Well, honey,
I know it was tough, but...

but what you did tonight...

you know,
trying to wake Lauren up...

was a... was a very brave
and selfless thing to do.

Actually, it was
a very feminist thing to do.

Oh, kick me while I'm down.

Well, maybe you actually
learned something from this.

What, Mom?
What did I learn?

That maybe
you don't want to settle

for a-a... an empty-headed,
ditsy little cream puff

who's at your beck and call.

Maybe just on weekends?

No, Alex. You know, I-I...

Under this buttoned-up,
macho exterior,

you don't really believe that.

You're not going to be happy
unless you're with a woman

who is... who is strong
and vibrant.

Someone who's an equal partner,
someone you can talk to.

You're right, Mom.

And I blame you.

Then my work here is done.

(knocking)

- Hi.
- Hi.

I forgot to put the fabric
softener in the laundry.

You're going to have some wicked
static cling in your socks.

Alex...

what you said tonight
cut awfully deep.

It really hurt.

I know.

It wasn't easy to say.

But I had to...
because I care about you,

and I couldn't stand to see
what was happening with you.

Alex... I feel like
I'm alone out here on this one.

You know, I'm the first woman in
my family ever to go to college.

Be a lot easier
if I just had a role model.

Sometimes I-I feel like
I'm flapping my wings furiously,

not knowing
if I'm doing it right,

because no one ever taught me
how to fly.

Role models are important.

I know, when I'm in a situation,

I always think,

"I wonder
what my parents would do?"

Then I do the opposite.

Alex, it's different with you.

You've always been confident.

I remember our first date.

You looked at me tenderly
and said,

"Do you know
what's great about me?"

You talked
for six hours non-stop.

You didn't even notice me leave.

Then you still don't know
what's great about me.

I know what's great about you.

You're smart,
you're understanding.

Ruggedly handsome.

It's funny.
When-when I was little,

I always pictured my future
as living in a nice house

and a garden
and a couple of kids.

And even though
I knew I wanted a career,

it was really never a part
of my life vision.

When I was a little kid,

I always wanted to be
supreme ruler of the universe.

Alex, that's still your dream,
isn't it?

Yeah, but it doesn't seem
like enough now.

You know what my problem is?

I've got a father complex.

I-I was always
daddy's little girl,

and he always overprotected me.

And now, I'm trying

to continue that personality
dynamic with you.

Excuse me,

but did I just hear you say
something psychoanalytical?

I guess so.
It just kind of came out.

Oh, that's great!

Oh, it's great.

Alex, I know I have to continue
on with my thesis, but what...

I'm scared.
What if I fail?

Hey, hey,
you got to take that risk.

Will you help me?

No.

But... but I'll be there
to support you.

I get it.

Hey, uh, this doesn't mean

that you still can't dote on me,
you know?

MAN:
Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog.

(Ubu barks)