07x22 - Blue Collar Drummond

Episode transcripts for the TV Show "Diff'rent Strokes". Aired: November 3, 1978 –; March 7, 1986.*
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Series follows Arnold and Willis Jackson, two African-American boys from Harlem taken in by a rich white Park Avenue businessman and widower, Phillip Drummond, for whom their deceased mother previously worked, and his daughter, Kimberly.
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07x22 - Blue Collar Drummond

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Now the world don't move
to the b*at of just one drum ♪

♪ What might be right for
you, may not be right for some ♪

♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means ♪

♪ Then along come two, they
got nothing but their jeans ♪

♪ But they got
Diff'rent Strokes ♪

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes ♪

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪

♪ Everybody's got a
special kind of story ♪

♪ Everybody finds
a way to shine ♪

♪ It don't matter that
you got not a lot ♪

♪ So what ♪

♪ They'll have theirs,
and you'll have yours, ♪

♪ and I'll have mine ♪

♪ And together we'll be fine ♪

♪ Cause it takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪

♪ Yes it does ♪

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪

- Well, why don't
we move over there

and have a little
dessert and coffee, Bill.

- Don't mind if I do, Phil.

You've got a great
little cook there.

- Oh, did you enjoy dinner?

- No, but you got a
great little cook there.

- Actually dinner was terrific.

I just hope you weren't
trying to influence

the labor negotiations
with that Steak Diane.

- Oh, Phillip would
never try to influence

a contract with
food, he'd use cash.

- I just thought
it might be nice

to get a break from
the negotiating table

and enjoy a more
civilized environment.

- I agree, Phil,

and you did find my weak
spot, amaretto cookies.

- Well, help yourself.

- We're so glad you came, Bill.

Phillip tells me that talks tend

to get a little heated
down at the factory.

- Only because
somebody around here

doesn't seem to
have an open mind.

- Oh, my mind is open.

- Yes, but the only thing
to ever comes out of it is no.

- Well,

I have to say no

because you always come in a
little heavy with your demands.

- Shows you what you know.

You live in this ivory tower.

- This isn't an ivory
tower, right dear?

- You're totally out of touch
with your employee's needs.

- Did you hear that Maggie?

You're way off base, Bill.

- Well if I'm way off base,
you're not even in the ballpark.

- Save it for the
bargaining table, Bill.

- Mr. Perkins to you.

And I can hardly wait.

Fine with me, Perkins.

And from now on,
the gloves are off.

- For later on.

They'll go great with
my Sleepytime Tea.

- How do you like that guy?

I'm out of touch
with my workers.

I pay them better
than a living wage,

I give them top-notch benefits,

I send them a Christmas
card at least once a year.

What, you know what I mean.

See what those
guys don't understand

is if my company
doesn't make a profit,

they won't have any
jobs to worry about.

Right Maggie?

Maggie?

Maggie, don't tell me
that you agree with him.

- Cookie?

- I can't believe this.

My own wife.

- Now, Phillip don't be upset.

When you come right down to it,

what do you really know
about your workers?

- You're on Perkins
side, aren't you?

- Phillip, darling, I'm
just trying to suggest

that you may be a little out
of touch with the real world.

- That's absurd.

- Excuse me, Mr. Drummond,
the chauffeur's here

with that tax-deductible
case of imported

Champagne you won
at the charity auction.

- Fine.

Now that doesn't prove anything.

- Hello.
- Hi.

- Hi boys.
- Oh, hi boys.

- How was the movie?

- Ah, it was great.

- It was the scariest
thing I've seen

since Willis donated his
head to that barber college.

- Where is Sam?

- Come on Sam.

They're aren't any
Gremlins in here.

- You sure?

- Yeah, come on
in Sam, it's safe.

- I can't understand
why people stand in line

for so many hours to get
scared out of there pants.

Well I certainly

wouldn't know, I
live in an ivory tower.

- Phillip don't you
start up with me,

that's just plain not fair.

- Hey, sounds like Red and
Scarlett are gonna go at it.

Let's grab a front row seat.

- Great, I should have
gotten more popcorn.

- Children, we are not fighting.

- Right, we're not fighting.

- Well we'll got upstairs
while you not fight.

- Good night.
- Good night.

- Adios, good night.
- Good night, boys.

- Good night boys, goodnight.
- Hasta luega.

- Have a good sleep.
- Sweet dreams,

brush your teeth.

- Okay.
- See you in the morning.

- Phillip, you're acting
terribly defensive

which leads me to
believe that you are

not so sure you are right.

- I'm not defensive.

- I don't believe you understand

what those people
on the line go through.

- Oh,

and you do?

- Yes,

I do.

I come from working people.

My father still
works a 14 hour day,

and I think I know
how they feel.

I bet you don't even know

what a loaf of bread
costs these days.

- Maybe not but I can find out.

Remember, I own
a chain of bakeries.

- I rest my case.

If you were out there
in the work force,

you'd know what a
loaf of bread costs

and eggs and milk and meat.

- Look, I can't help it
if I was born wealthy.

Would you happier if I was
out there working in a factory?

- You, you spent your
life sitting behind a desk.

- Are you suggesting
that I couldn't handle it?

- I am not suggesting anything.

- Oh, but your
eyes are flashing,

cream puff, cream
puff, cream puff.

Well I'm gonna prove to you,

that this cream is made
of some pretty tough puff.

I'm gonna make
a few phone calls,

and then I'm gonna go to
work in one of my factories.

- My heart be still,
you're serious?

Phillip,

I think you're wonderful.

- What, I, I, am?

- You am.

I hope I didn't
hurt your feelings.

- Oh, no problem.

You know, I love it
when you get feisty.

- Well you're in
luck, I'm full of feist.

- Now let's kiss and make up.

- Okay.

- That's one rule to live by,

never go to bed angry.

- Agreed.

Okay.

- Phillip?
- Huh?

- You know what?

I never slept with
a hard hat before.

- Do you really think Mr. D
will go through with this?

- I don't know, I
just can't picture dad

working in a factory.

- He'd look pretty
silly driving a forklift

in a three piece suit.

- Phillip, hurry up,
you don't wanna be late

the first day of work.

- You looking sharp, dad.
- Alright.

- Alright, love it, love it.

- Here I am, the Tom
Selleck of the assembly line.

- I think you look
real neat, Mr. D.

I can't wait 'til I'm old enough

to grow a mustache overnight.

- You look almost perfect
but you don't look lived in.

Rumple him up boys.

- Okay - Sure.

- Pull his, open his buttons.

- Alright, hey, got it.

- There you go.

- Now, now you look just great.

Everything except
those Gucci loafers.

Phillip, you're gonna have
to put on some old shoes.

- These are my old shoes.

I sure hope I can
pull this thing off.

I hope my fingernails
don't give me away.

You think they look too clean?

- No problem dad.

- I packed your lunch.

Woo,

huh, here you go, Butch.

- Thanks Pearl.

Hey, what is this?

- Bologna, it's kind
of like a flat hot dog.

- I haven't seen a bologna
sandwich since I was a boy.

- I can't believe you
ever ate bologna.

- I didn't, I just saw it once.

Well, I think I'm all set.

Hopefully, no one will
be able to distinguish me

from the rest of the fellas.

- You talk like
that and they will.

- Yeah dad, loosen up.

- You got to talk regular.

- Oh, I see, you
mean like Roger Mudd.

- No dad, listen, when
you meet one of the guys,

you don't say,
hello, you say, hey,

and give'em a sh*t in the arm.

Hey.

- And instead of goodbye,
you're supposed to say,

don't do nothing I wouldn't do.

- Thanks, Sam.

Okay, I'll see you.
- Alright.

Dad,

don't walk like that.

Man, they'll think
you're light in the loafers.

You got to walk macho.

Like this, now check this out.

Stroll in just like this.

Check out my feet.

Are you checking out my feet?

- Yeah.
- Check them out dad,

you see how they come
this way, slide like this,

Like this, you see that?
- Yep.

- Dad, you gotta
throw your hips out

and use your shoulders.

Gotta let'em know you're coming.

- I see.

I'm a lean, mean
working machine.

I think I got it.

Goodbye.

Bye honey.

- Oh, and there's
one more thing, Phillip.

I've notice that they have

their own way of
talking to women.

Especially when I go
by a construction site.

- What do you mean?

- Well, basically it
goes something like this.

Eh,

chickie baby.

- Those animals
outta be horsewhipped.

- Dad's gonna have a long

day.

- How's it going?

- Hey.

- Can I help you, pal?

- I'm looking for the foreman.

- Not here.

Oh, you must be the new guy.

- Right, my name is Joe Maclain,

everybody just calls me Mac.

- Pete Tucker.

- Everybody just call you Tuck?

- No.

- Right.

- And now you're gonna be
working with me, okay Mac?

So I'm gonna show you
how this machine works.

Now you see this hunk of metal?

You feed it into the machine.

- Now what do
you call that, Pete?

- A hunk of metal.

- Right.

What are we making here, Pete?

- Who knows?

But when we get a
big bin full of them,

they wheel them to another room,

someone feeds them
into a different contraption,

eventually they become
a whatchamacallit.

- Right.
- Okay.

- I guess I better
get to work, Pete.

- Right, just
remember one thing,

feed,

lever,

lever

pull.

- I got this, okay.
- Bin.

Okay?
- Right?

- Go ahead.

Good, you got it.

Boy, I can't wait
for that coffee break.

Had a rough night last night.

Went over to my cousin's
house for a birthday party,

and think I had one
too many brewskis.

- Yeah, I know the feeling.

I had too much
sherry last night.

- That the little woman.

- Ah, right, right.

Hey, this is kind of fun.

- Fun?

When is that coffee break?

- Four, three,

two, one.

Now.

- Okay, okay.

- About time.

- Put your dime in the cup, Mac.

- Oh, hey, I don't have
anything smaller than a $20.

Maybe I should put it
on my Diner's Club Card.

- What a zany guy your are.

- Hey, how about
those New York Jets?

- Hey, what about
that fight last night?

- Hey, how about them
Dow Jones averages?

Ah, hey, but not nearly
as good as the fight, huh?

- Alright.

- Hey Mac, how do you
like your first day on the job?

- Okay, it's really boring.

- Tell me about it, I've
been doing this for 20 years.

- See, I think they
outta let us change jobs

every hour and
that'd be less boring.

- Ah, they should,
but they won't

I suggested it years ago.

- Ah, forget it, they don't
wanna hear our suggestions.

- Hey, I spoke up once,
and all they said to me was,

"that's the way
it's always done."

Boy, did they hurt my feelings.

- Don't pout, Harvey.

Now look Mac, you wanna stay out

of trouble around here,
just don't rock the boat.

Bottom line is try not to
think, and try not to stink.

- Here, here.

- Well that philosophy
wouldn't have gotten

Lee Iacocca very far.

- Something strange
about you, Mac.

- Yeah,

you walk strange,

wear funny shoes,

and sound like Roger Mudd.

Hey, hey, no, no

I'm not strange.

Listen, I'm just a regular guy.

Hey, watch this.

Hey, chickie baby.

- Who the devil are you?

- Who are you?

- I'm the foreman.

- The fore, the
fore, the foreman.

- It's your turn.

- I'm the new guy.

It's my first day.

- Well you keep that up,
and it could be your last.

- Yes sir, m'am, ah, foreperson.

- Not good.

- Hey, hey, hey the
working man is home.

- Hey dad, you're
really starting

to sound like a factory worker.

- You're really starting
to smell like one too.

- Hi Sam, whataya say?

Eh, chickie baby.

- Sam.

- That boy's got a lot to learn.

This morning he
did that to a plant.

And now I'm gonna
do it to my den mother.

- Hey, where's my main squeeze?

- Is that my hard hat hunk?

- In the flesh, baby.

- Here you go, Mr. Drummond.

Chilled and shaken, not stirred.

Just the way you and
James Bond like it.

- Thank you, thank you.

Perfect.

- So dad, tell me
about your day.

- It was marvelous.

You know a few
more days like this,

and I will really have
a good understanding

of how the average
working man lives.

- Not

exactly,

Phillip, I mean,
wait til payday.

You don't have to use
that factory paychcheck

to feed five hungry mouths.

- Yeah, but dad's got it worse.

He's gotta feed Arnold.

- Look, Maggie, I know
that we're comfortable.

- Comfortable?

Johnny Carson's
ex-wives are comfortable,

we are stinking rich.

- Well maybe so, but
as a factory worker,

I know how to live on low pay.

I was in the Army.

- That's right, dad's rough.

He can take it.

You know, in fact, this
whole family can take it.

- Then maybe we outta try it.

- Fine with me.

- Course if we're gonna do it,

we have to do it for real.

Things might get a little rough.

- Big deal, no matter
how rough things got,

we could stick it out.

- That's right.
- You are right.

- Tell them, Arnold.

- Nothing's gonna stop us.

We're tough, we're
bad, we're mean,

and we're

gutsy.

- Okay, we're gonna do it.

We're gonna cut back on
food, allowances, movies.

- What you talkin'
about, Maggie?

That powdered
milk tastes like chalk.

- Oh, it does not.

- You're right,
chalk tastes better.

- Arnold, give it a chance,

it's the first time
you've tried it.

Powdered milk is
cheaper, and it has less fat,

less calories, less cholesterol.

- Less taste.

- Aw, not oatmeal again.

Hey, what about bacon and eggs?

- We can't have that,
it's not in our budget,

and we have to learn
to stretch our dollars.

- Well if we can't
have bacon and eggs,

can we at least have a
picture of a pig and a chicken?

- Good morning.

- Sam, why aren't you
dressed for school?

- I am, Arnold told me
I'm supposed to look broke.

- You are not wearing
your play clothes to school.

- Ah, mama, you take all
the fun out of being poor.

- We are not poor, we are
living like working people.

That's why I sent
Pearl on vacation.

- But why would you do that?

She's the only working
person around here.

- Pipe down.

Now, how ya doing on
your new allowances?

- I'm doing great,
I got a system.

I used today's lunch money
for tomorrow's comics,

I use tomorrow's milk money
for Friday's video games,

and Friday's subway
money automatically

goes to Steven Spielberg.

- You're really smart, Arnold.

- Yeah, but what
about next week?

- I'm hoping dad and Maggie

will come to their
senses by then.

- Here he comes, the man
who brings home the bacon.

- Ah,

bacon.

- Here, this will stick
to your ribs, big guy.

- Ah, oatmeal, well I gotta run.

- What about breakfast?

- Oh, I'll just grab something
from the canteen truck.

I gotta be moving.

- Dad,

macho.

- Oh yeah, thanks Willis.

- Hey guys, you know what

I just heard through
the grapevine?

- What's that?

- Our fearless leader,
Mr. Drummond,

didn't show up at the
negotiations last night.

- Sure, he was
probably at the opera

with all of his
hoity-toity friends.

- Oh, hey, I'll bet he works
hard just like everybody else.

I'll bet he just went
home exhausted

and went right to sleep.

- Hey, what are you, his buddy?

- Oh, no, no, no, no,
no, the guy's a jerk.

- That's a shame too.

When old man Drummond
was around, he really cared.

He'd walk through
the plant, listen to us.

He knew everybody
on a first name basis.

Called me Petey.

- He called me Dimples.

- Sometimes things
get too big for that.

- Hey,

I got too big,

I still care.

- Hey, let's initiate
the professor.

- Yeah, that's a good idea.
- Yeah, alright.

- This way, come over here,

remember don't go across
the line, stay right there.

Ah-huh, ah-huh.

- No, no, you go first.

- Come on, just try to
hit him in one of his chins.

There's three levels,
five, 10, and 20 points.

- No, I, alright, I'll
guess I'll take a sh*t at it.

- Okay, alright.

- Hey listen, Mac,
how many Drummonds

does it take to
screw in a light bulb?

- How many?

- None, he's got
a maid that does it.

- What's wrong, professor?

Lose your sense of humor?

Oh yeah, right.

Here's one, why don't
they let Drummonds

swim in the Hudson River?

He'd leave a ring.

He'd leave a ring.

Here's a funnier one.

How many Drummonds does
it take to clean out a sewer?

- How many?

- Did I say Drummond?
I meant elephant.

- Ah, throwing darts at
the hand that feeds you.

- We tried to stop
him, Miss McFeedy.

- Really? Why is everyone
standing around, not working?

- Now wait a minute guys.

Now we're not just
standing around.

Now I've been
here almost a week,

and there are a lot of
problems down here.

Now I'd like to make
a suggestion to you

which would help productivity
and improve morale.

- Ah, you're gonna quit?

- No, no, see the guys
and I have been talking,

actually I think you
should hear me out.

- I'd be delighted to hear
what you have to say.

Why don't we just
step into my office.

Anybody else got
any suggestions?

- Guys, hey guys.

Hi guys.

- Hi Dad - Hi Dad.

- Phillip, what are you
doing home so early?

You feeling alright?

- Oh yeah, I'm fine.

- How was your day, dear?

- It was good.

I had a nice long
meeting with a foreman.

Offered all kinds of
innovative suggestions

to increase productivity
and improve morale

and got fired.

- Fired?

Hallelujah, we can eat again.

- Oh Phillip, I'm so sorry.

- No, don't be, I'm not upset.

- You're not?

- No, not really.

- I found out some things,

some things I
really need to know.

One thing I'm gonna do is
talk to all of my employees

and tell them that
Drummond Enterprises

wants to hear employees ideas.

- That's terrific,
who knows more

about a factory then they do?

- Right, and one of the
guys had a great idea

for changing jobs every
hour to combat boredom.

- Hey dad, that's
a fantastic idea.

Who's was it?

- Petey, he's one of my guys.

- I hope you children have
learned something from this also.

- I sure did, don't ever
do chickie, chickie baby

to your den mother.

- Well I realized
we're pretty lucky

to be able to live
the way we do.

- We definitely are.

- Does that mean
you're gonna spring

for some real milk again?

- Absolutely. Say
why don't you guys

get the table set for dinner?

- Alright.

- Come on, I'll draw a nice,
hot bath for my working man.

- Sounds great.

Hey, chickie baby.

♪ Now the world don't move
to the b*at of just one drum ♪

♪ What might be right for
you, may not be right for some ♪

♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means ♪

♪ Then along come two, they
got nothing but their jeans ♪

♪ But they got,
Diff'rent Strokes ♪

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes ♪

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪

♪ Yes it does ♪

♪ It's takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪
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