07x20 - The Truck Stops Here

[bunniefuu]

Mike: Now, Luke, I'm telling you, the graphics on "chainsaw duel" are amazing.Okay, now, to att*ck you press that button.

Luke: Oh, I just crosscut your leg off!

Luke and Mike: Ohh!Eww!

Luke: These postcards are all the same.It's always a picture of the world's biggest something.A trout the size of an RV, a four-storey corndog...

Jason: You ever write him back?

Luke: And send it where?

Jason: Well.That is the biggest radish I have ever seen.I think you ought to take a look at this, Luke.

Luke and Mike: Ohh!Eww!

Jason: Looks like your dad is coming here to see you.

Jason: Is George here yet?

Mike: Dad, how do we know that he's not gonna kidnap Luke, and take him to some foreign country, and have plastic surgery done so we don't recognize him?

Luke: Isn't he here yet?

Jason: See?

Luke: I want to get this over with.

Jason: I'm sure he's gonna be here any minute now.He's got that big truck to deal with.

Mike: Yeah, he can't exactly park his 18-wheeler in front of our house.

Jason: Yeah.

Mike: Dad, dad.He, he's gonna try to parallel park that big rig.

Jason: He's not gonna make it.Trust me.He's not gonna make it.He made it.

George: Hello, everybody.I'm George.

Jason: Hi, George.

George: Hey, Luke.

Luke: I can't believe you drove your truck here.

George: Uh, well, the valet at the Ritz Carlton wouldn't take it.(laughing) Uh, Luke, why don't you introduce me to your foster family.

George: Doctor!

Jason: Psychiatrist.

Maggie: Oh, George, it's very nice to meet you.

George: Uh, excuse me, but you have the most gorgeous movie-star skin I have ever seen.

Maggie: Oh, George, that's a load of hooie, but Jason, take notes.

Jason: That is our daughter, Chrissy.

Chrissy: Pleased to meet you.

George: Ma'am.

Chrissy: His neck isn't red.

Jason: That's, uh, our son Mike.You know Mike.

Mike: Hey, uh, yeah, good to see you, George.It's a shame you can't stay long.

George: Well, actually, I do have a couple hours to k*ll before I deliver these tomatoes to Piscataway.I thought maybe we could go grab some breakfast.

Luke: I already ate.With my family.

George: I brought you something, uh, a little memento of your mother.God rest her soul.

Mike: Wow, George, you, uh, came all this way just to deliver something to Luke you could'a dropped in the mail?

George: Well, some things are too important to stick in the mail, like these snapshots of me and Luke and his mom.

Jason: Mike, do you want to help me, uh, straighten the picture over here on this wall?

Mike: No.

Jason: That wasn't a question.

George: Uh, it's of your first birthday, uh, your mom and I took you to see the world's biggest radial tire.

Luke: Thanks, I'll look at them later.

Ben: Dad, is mom making spaghetti for about 8,000 people?Yo, George Brower, loved that postcard from Bikini Beach.Man, those were the biggest....

Jason: Ben!

George: You're looking good, big buddy.

Ben: I hope the babes think so.I've got the most incredible party tonight.

Jason: Do you want to come over here and help me and Mike straighten out the pictures?

Ben: No.

Mike: It wasn't a question.

George: Luke, uh, I'm not here just because of the snapshots.

After Jersey, I'm cutting through the Blue Ridge Mountains where the fireflies dance like a thousand sh**ting stars.

What do you say, you keep your old man company?

Luke: Look, I thought I told you, I don't want to go live with you.

George: I'm not trying to take you away from these fine people.I just thought you might like a couple of weeks to get to know your dad better.

Luke: What, and work our way up to being strangers?

George: I won't push it.(sighing) Well, I appreciate your hospitality.It's, uh, time for me to haul my tomatoes out of here.

I'll just, uh, leave you a crate of Mother Nature's finest juicy reds, and I'll be on my way.

Mike: Uh, thanks anyway, George, but we couldn't possibly accept.

Jason: Oh, Mike, free tomatoes.

Mike: Okay, thanks, George.

George: Uh, well, the crates on....it's on the porch.

Mike: (sighing) Well, that was short and sweet.

George: (screaming)

George: (screaming) Take it easy, guys.There's 47 muscles in the back, and every single one of mine is doing the watusi.

Mike: It's uh, its kind of interesting, don't you think, George, that your back went out just as you were getting ready to leave?

Hey!Look out!A tarantula!

George: Trap-door or funnel-web species?Uh, nope, just an old hairball.

Luke: What are you doing?

George: I was, uh, just testing.

Ben: All right, we got a perfect three-course meal.Icy Mug root beer, pork rinds, and Uncle Salty cheese logs.

Mike: I betcha that looks good, doesn't it, George.I bet you can't wait to just dig in, huh?

George: Can't wait!Uh, if you could, uh, just scoot that right over here.

Jason: George, here's a friend of mine, Dr.Kramer.

Kramer: Hello, George.

Mike: Ten bucks says it's nothing serious.

George: (yelling)

Kramer: Looks like your back is in bad shape.

George: A darn sight prettier than those knobby knees of yours.

Kramer: Get in my office this afternoon.I need to take some X-rays.

George: Aw, it's just a back spasm.It'll clear itself right...(groaning)...sweet jelly bean on a rotgut potato.

Kramer: This will take the edge off his pain

Jason: This'll take the rotgut out of his potato.

George: I don't have time for X-rays.I've got a truckload of tomatoes that's got to be in Jersey by tonight.

Mike: Well, I wish we could help out, George, but we don't know anyone who could drive a truck that size.

Ben: Are you sure you can handle this thing?

Jason: Hey, it's a lot easier than driving that clinic bus full of screaming children.Ha!Tomatoes don't try to pants you at the intersection.

Ben: Can't we go any faster?Dad, what if I'm not back in time for the party.

Jason: Oh, come on, it's a three-hour trip each way, Ben.You're gonna make it in plenty of time.I'm going at a decent speed.

Ben: Then how come there's a pregnant cow passing us on the right?

Jason: Come on, Ben, relax.The reason I drafted you for this, is I thought it would be a nice outing for you and me.

Ben: Oh, the matching hats were a nice touch.

Jason: All right.Why don't we, uh, make up some names, and we'll talk CB talk, all right?

Ben: Maybe later; I don't want to peak too soon.

Jason: What do you want your handle to be?

Ben: Son of big hair.

Luke: You haven't touched your lunch.

George: Well, your buddy Mike keeps putting it just out of reach.Thank you.Luke?

Luke: What?

George: How's high school?

Luke: Why do you want to know?

George: I never saw one from the inside.

Luke: Yeah.Well, a lot of us have had tough breaks.

George: Playing balls?

Luke: I think I've thing to do.

George: Aw, come on, Luke, come...Please, God, tell me how to get through to my son.

Mike: You, uh, you talking to somebody, George?

George: Oh!(laughing) No, no.Just, uh, thinking with my mouth.

You know they say the jaw muscles is the strongest in the whole body, but, uh, after 25 years on the road, I say it's the gluteus maximus.

That's Latin for "big butt."

Mike: Yeah, yeah, I know.I teach French.Well, hey, come on, George.We gotta get going and, uh, get those X-rays.

George: Ow!Ow!No need.I'm feeling much better.

Mike: Yeah, right, right.

You know, George, you really should have said that you had something that wouldn't show up on an X-ray, like, uh, whiplash, or, uh, hoof and mouth disease.

George: That bad first impression b*rned you deep, didn't it?

Mike: Not half as deeply as it b*rned Luke.

George: So I see.Mike, I spent 25 thousand miles thinking about it.The thing is, Luke is my blood.

I never got to know my dad until it was too late.I don't want that to happen to Luke.

Maggie: Yes, thank you for calling.

Mike: I can't believe this George.Pretending he's hurt to get on Luke's good side.

Maggie: He's not pretending, Mike.

Mike: What?

Maggie: That was Dr.Kramer.He's spoken to George's doctor.

George's back has deteriorated to the point, where if he doesn't stop driving his truck, he's going to be paralyzed.

George: The doctors call it cervical deterioration.I call it a pain in the neck.

Mike: Well, what are you gonna do when you stop driving?

Mike: George, the doctors say if you don't, you're going to be paralyzed.

George: Aw, they don't know nothin'.They told my friend Billy Bob he had 3-1/2 months to live.He lived 4-1/2 months.

Mike: George, what's so hard about changing jobs?

George: With an eighth grade education?Maybe I could be a supreme court justice.I only know three things; that's trucks, trucks, and trucks.

Mike: Well, I'm sure there's other jobs you could get, that, uh, you know, you could still be around trucks.

George: Like what?

Mike: Well, I don't know.You could, uh, you could lease big rigs.Or you could run a truck stop.

Or, uh, you could sell those little silhouettes of girls they stick on mudflaps.

George: Those aren't sold; they're handed down from generation to generation.

Mike: So, when are you gonna tell Luke?

George: Luke is to know nothing about this.I don't want his pity.I just want a chance to get to know him better.

Ben: A three hour trip.That's what they told Gilligan.

Jason: Okay, so we got a little lost.

Ben: A little lost!Dad, we were halfway to Florida!If we hadn't stopped at that gas station, we'd be in Cuba by now.

Jason: Well, we're going the right way, now.The depot's a half a mile down the road.

Ben: Dad, it's 7:30!

If they unload the truck in two minutes, and if we drive 195 miles per hour back home, I might actually be able to catch the last five minutes of that party.

Jason: Could be worse.

Ben: True.You could still be singing those Willy Nelson songs.

Jason: Ah, here's the depot right up here.We're going to get them to unload our tomatoes just as quickly as they can.

Jason: Hey, excuse me.We have, uh, tomatoes, what do we do with them?

Depot worker: Pull 'er into dock 19, Johnny.

Jason: (sighing) All right, great.Listen, these guys are gonna unload us right away?

Depot worker: You must be new to this route.Drivers unload their own trucks.

Luke: (singing) You don't tug on Superman's cape, you don't spit into the wind, you don't pull....

Mike and Luke: (singing)...pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger, and you don't mess around with Jim.

Mike: I love that song.

Luke: Yeah, mom used to sing it to me when I was a baby.

Mike: Yeah?

Luke: Check out this picture.Don't I look a lot like her?

Mike: Oh, yeah, gosh.Hey, George looks so young here.You got his smile, you know it?

Luke: Nah, I don't see it.

Mike: Hey, Luke, uh, I want to talk to you about something.Well, I really don't, uh...

Luke: Mike, if you're trying to talk about the facts of life, you're a little late.

Mike: If your dad keeps driving a truck, he's going to be paralyzed.

Luke: What?

Mike: Yeah.He won't listen to the doctors, and he sure won't listen to me.And I thought you'd want to know.

Ben: (laughing)I think we ended up with half the tomatoes on us.

Jason: (laughing)

Ben: Oh, yeah?You should have seen your face when you fell into the tomato bin.

Jason: Well, I was walking along, and the next minute I'm swimming in the red sea.I'm just glad George wasn't hauling fertilizer.

Ben: Well, the foreman said for a couple of city boys, we did all right.

Jason: Ben, there's no way you're going to make your party tonight, and, uh, it's all my fault, and I am truly sorry.

Jason: 10-4.(laughing) Well, let's hammer down, and head for home!

Ben: (pulling horn cord) Yee-hah!

George: (groaning) I didn't mean to wake you up.

Luke: What are you doing?

George: Just trying to get this old body to the bathroom and pay the toll.

Luke: Oh, you must really be in pain.

George: Nah, it's nothing.Whoa!Slap me silly and shave me naked!

Luke: Here.Let me help you up.

George: Ok, I'm coming.I'll be right there.

Luke: What's so funny?

George: Well, when you were a little boy, I used to take you to the bathroom in the middle of the night so that you wouldn't wet the bed,

and now it seems like you're doing the same thing for me.

Luke: Yeah, well, I don't remember anything back then.

George: I do.The only way you'd go back to sleep is if you heard your favorite song.

(singing) You don't tug on Superman's cape, you don't spit into the wind....

Luke: Yeah!Mom used to sing that to me.

George: Luke!Your mom was a lovely woman, but she couldn't carry a tune in a bucket.Don't you remember?

You were terrified of all those monsters in the closet.(singing) You don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger, and you don't mess around with....

Luke: Luke.It was you.

George: You loved it.Made you think you were bigger and stronger than any of those monsters.

Luke: You really did that?

George: Yeah.Sure.

Luke: Look, Mike told me what's going on with your back.

George: Aw, that boy's tongue is loose at both ends.

Luke: You know, George, you're going to have to make a decision here.

George: I made one.I'm not gonna quit trucking.I don't wanna talk about.Luke: So you're just gonna pretend like it doesn't exist?You know, that's typical.

Luke: So you're just gonna pretend like it doesn't exist?You know, that's typical.

Its just like everything that's ever went on in the past thirteen years never happened.I want to talk about it, George.

I mean, you come here after all this time, and you say what's past is past.Let's jump into a truck and watch the fireflies.

George: What Is was trying....

Luke: Look!You send me postcard after postcard, about the world's biggest prairie chicken.

Well, what about the postcard that says "I'm sorry I ruined your life?"

George: Luke...

George: What was wrong with you?

Luke: Yeah.What was it, George?Why can't you just tell me?

George: I can't talk to you when you're like this.

Luke: Then you haven't changed.I don't think you ever will.

George: Luke!Luke!I'm not very good at this kind of talk.But if it's what it takes, I'll keep trying all night.

But first, you've got to get me to the bathroom!

Jason: Ah, you should have seen us, Maggie.There we were, the wind in our faces, the open road before us...

Jason and Ben: ...and tomatoes in our shorts.

Maggie: Oh, hi George.

George: G'morning.Is that you two?Thanks for running those tomatoes to Jersey for me.

Jason: Ah, piece of cake, George.

George: Oh, glad to hear it.Sometimes they try to pull a fast one on first timers, make 'em unload their own truck.

Mike: You're sure looking a lot better today, George.

George: Uh, yep, uh, about time to hit the road.

Mike: You, uh, you're leaving?Now that's great....that you're feeling better.

George: My back's loose enough for me to see over the wheel.I should make it to Tucson just fine.

Mike: So you're sure that driving that big rig is the best thing for you?

George: Oh, absolutely.As soon as I get there, I'm gonna sell it, and by myself a truck stop from an old buddy.

Mike: You're quitting trucking?

George: Well, Luke's a very persuasive young man.

Mike: Wow, Luke.Well, how'd you do it?What'd you say?

Luke: I said that I'm going with him.

Mike: What?

Luke: It's only for a couple of months, Mike.To help him set up.

Mike: Are you out of your cotton-picking mind?No offense.

Jason: Mike, a word.

Mike: Dad, I'm sorry, but I can't let him do this.

Jason: Well, you have to.Luke has to get to know his father.

Mike: Dad, he, he can't just pick up and leave like this.What about his life?What about us?

Jason: Mike, this is not your decision.

Luke: Mike, you taught me what it means to be there when somebody needs you the most.And I want to do the same for George.I mean, my dad.

Luke: Come on, you guys, don't look like that.It's only for a couple of months.I'll be coming back.

Mike: (sighing) Well, uh, you'd better come back.

Luke: Try and stop me.

Maggie: Bye, Luke.

Jason: See you, Luke.

Chrissy: Goodbye, Luke.