07x05 - Heartstrings, Part 1

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Family Ties". Aired: September 22, 1982 - May 14, 1989.*
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Set in suburban Columbus, Ohio during the Reagan administration, Steven and Elyse Keaton are baby boomers, liberals and former hippies, raising their three children: ambitious, would-be millionaire entrepreneur Alex; fashion-conscious, gossipy Mallory; and tomboy Jennifer.
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07x05 - Heartstrings, Part 1

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ ♪

(no voice)

♪ I bet we've been together
for a million years ♪

♪ And I bet we'll be together
for a million more ♪

♪ Oh, it's like
I started breathing ♪

♪ On the night we kissed ♪

♪ And I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪

♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪

♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪

♪ And there ain't no nothing we
can't love each other through ♪

♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪



- We did it.
- We won.

BOTH:
Yay!

You know how lucky
you are, Andy?

Born under Reagan,
raised under Bush.

I mean, with any luck at all,

you will have a completely
Democrat-free childhood.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Hey.

What about Dad?
He took it really hard.

Yeah, well, you know,
what can you say?

The man was, uh, completely
Dukakis-ized.

He said you were Bush-whacked.

Good morning.

- Oh, I feel great!
- Me, too.

I bet I know why, Jen.

It's a shopper's sky.

Shopper's sky?

I knew you'd like that.

Oh, I didn't realize
that another meeting

of the Young Republican
Gloaters Club was in session.

Want to sit in?

Yeah, Jen.

Join us.

Just to refresh your memory...

Bush won.

I'm warning you, Alex,
I've had enough of this.

Read my lips.

That felt good.

Shopper's sky.

What?

You don't want to know, Mom.

- (sighs)
- What happened to you?

We were stride-for-stride there
for a while.

I had to stop.
I got a pain right here,

a burning feeling.

Must've been something I ate.

What'd you eat?

Just my usual breakfast.

Hearty helping
of your tofu buckwheat loaf.

Look no further, Dad.

Yeah.

(groans in pain)

There it goes again.
What is that?

Does it hurt really bad, Dad?

Uh... no, Andy,
it just hurts a little.

Think about Mickey Mouse.

No, no.

Works for me.

ELYSE:
I don't know

what to say, honey...
the buckwheat was fresh.

It's okay.
It's... it's okay.

Um, Dad, Jennifer and I
really need to go shopping.

Uh, let your dad finish
his pain first, dear.

Well, how long are you gonna be?

In just a few more good,
sharp stabs, I'll be with you.

(low groan)

Well, because there's
a really big sale going on,

and, well, I'm sure
you noticed the shopper's sky.

Yes, I heard the birds singing
all about it.

- Here.
- Oh!

Don't forget to fill the t*nk.

- Okay! Feel better, Dad!
- Okay. Hope you feel better.

Take a bath!

The tofu was fresh, too,
I swear it.

You know, Dad, it may not be the
tofu buckwheat loaf after all.

Although it certainly remains
our prime suspect.

No, Dad, my guess

is that you're suffering

from a little-known malady

called Dukakis
Separation Anxiety.

Now, there's
no known cure for DSA...

but there is hope.

Hope that sufferers
like yourself

will stop clinging rigidly
to the Democratic Party.

Hope that they will join me
and millions of other

jolly, pain-free Republicans
for four more years of joy.

Do it, Dad.

Join us.

Join the Republican Party
and hurt no more.

Go away.

All right.

Come on, George.

(Steven sighs)

- Hi, Andy.
- Hi.

Oh, no, no, no.

I'm telling!

I don't care, Andy;
enough's enough.

Alex, come quick!

Jen's got George!

Freeze, Democrat!

Andy.

Frisk her.

Alex, we all live
in this house together.

Yeah? Not you, missy.

You're going to jail.

Oh, really? And what for?

The, uh,
the unlicensed dismantling...

of the Columbus White House.

Now...

give me George.

Come on, nice and slow,
nothing fancy.

Come on.

Okay, Alex, but I'm throwing out
your Ron and Nancy pillowcases.

Andy.

Don't let her out of your sight.

(footsteps running up stairs)

George.

George, George, George,
George, George.

(imitates trumpet playing
"Hail to the Chief")

George! Ah!

Aren't you glad
you listened to me, George?

Huh? I told you, lose that
high-pitched, squeaky voice,

look people straight in the eye,

and never, ever mention
Pearl Harbor again.

And you did it, George.

You won. Congratulations!

Of course, it's not perfect.

Democrats have the Congress.

All right, okay,
we still have the veto.

And if we want to, George,
for the next four years,

we can make sure
absolutely nothing gets done.

- Now, George...
- (clears throat)

Excuse me, Alex, I didn't
realize you were in conference.

Uh... that's all right, Dad,
we're just, uh,

we're just winding down.

Oh, look at you, Dad.

You look like you're
obviously feeling better.

Much better, thanks.
I just, uh,

cycled down to Darby Creek Park.

You know, I think it might
have been all that jogging

that wasn't working for me.

All that, all that, uh, you
know, pounding may have, uh...

Shifted the buckwheat?

(exhales)
Very possibly.

- I hate when that happens.
- Mm.

Well, listen,
I think I'm gonna go

throw that-that
buckwheat loaf out, okay?

Um... I'll give you a call
if I need a hand lifting it.

All right.

(panting)

(gasps in pain)

(gasping)

Elyse?

(panting)

- Well, what'd they say? Mom?
- What? What?

Well, nothing new.
He's still being examined.

You know, I've had
about enough of this.

I'm gonna get
something out of them.

Excuse me.

(woman speaking indistinctly
over P.A. System)

All right, okay. All right.

Okay.

He's still being examined.

They...

They'll let us know, you know.

What do you think happened,
Mom? I mean...

Oh, honey,
we obviously don't know.

But we're just gonna
make ourselves crazy

if we try to guess.

Shortness of breath,
dizziness, pain.

You know, it could be
something he ate.

Yeah, we've considered
that possibility.

I'm sorry,
I couldn't help overhearing.

I'm Ruth Hobart. Hello.

- Hi -Hi.
- Hi. I'm Elyse Keaton,

- and this is Mallory and Alex.
- Hi.

My husband had
the very same symptoms,

and they told me it could
very well be food poisoning.

And?

It was a heart att*ck.

(quietly):
Oh, Lord.

We came in from Greenville
two days ago,

and Tony had surgery
yesterday morning.

They said it went okay,
but it was tough.

His heartbeat wasn't normal.

He had these arrhythmias...
that's what they called them.

Anyway, he's in
the intensive care unit,

and he's doing okay.

- Well, that's good.
- That's good. - That's good.

Course, he still thinks
it was food poisoning.

He says I've been trying to k*ll
him with my meat loaf for years.

- I know how he feels.
- That's just like with...

Yeah, well...

it sounds like things are
going in the right direction.

I'd just love
to take him home right now,

but they say he's gonna be here
for a few more days.

I've been sleeping here

and changing my clothes
in the washroom.

It's not the Hilton,
but I'm not leaving

till Tony's ready to go home.

Mrs. Hobart, I'm going down
for a sandwich.

Can I get you anything?

No, thank you, Mr. Meyers.

And how about you nice people?

- No. - No, thanks.
- Oh, no.

That's Mr. Meyers.

His wife had heart surgery;
it was a big success.

She's going home soon, and
I only hope he doesn't tell her

that he and I slept
in the same room last night.

I feel sorry for these people,

having to wait around
the hospital day after day.

Yeah. I remember the last time
I sat in the hospital.

Brought Alex in.

He swallowed a dollar.

Well, you know what they say:

"You are what you eat."

I remember... you said
they pumped his stomach

and they came up with $ . .

Yeah.

You know, if they
had left that in there,

you know how much
I'd be worth right now?

MAN:
Mrs. Keaton?

- Yes, Doctor?
- Oh.

It's very good that you brought
your husband in when you did.

He had a heart att*ck.

- What? - Oh.
- (groans)

Now, the angiogram
shows there is

some blockage
of the left coronary artery.

But he's an excellent candidate
for bypass surgery, and we're

checking his schedule to see
how soon we can fit him in.

- Mom.
- Okay. - Okay.

Come on, Jen, one more game
of Chutes and Ladders. Please?

I can't, Andy,
I just can't do it.

I've been down more chutes
and up more ladders

than anyone my age in America.

You can't poop out now, Jen;

Mom's paying you to watch me.

Well, why don't you
turn on the TV.

There's nothing on.

Maybe there's a ball game.

There's not. I checked.

Well, maybe there's
one of Dad's documentaries.

There is. I checked.

(vehicle rumbling)

Ah, the sound of grown-ups.
We're saved, Andy.

- Kiss me.
- Fat chance.

JENNIFER:
Hi.

- ELYSE: Hi.
- Where's Dad?

Uh... Dad's...

Dad's in the hospital.

He's gonna... he's gonna be
staying there for a while.

- Did he get lost?
- ELYSE: No, honey.

We don't want to scare you;
we want to tell you truth, too.

But the thing is, your-your dad
had a heart att*ck, honey.

What that means, honey, is that

his heart,
which-which is right... here,

has a boo-boo in it,

and the doctor is gonna fix it,
make it better.

Was it a massive coronary?

How do you know about that?

I saw a TV show on it.

Could they operate?

Yes.

Okay. No problem.

They do a million
of those a week.

Oh, well, I'm gonna go up

and get some
of Dad's things together.

Come on up, Andy.
Maybe you can console me.

This is so hard to believe
this would happen to Dad.

I mean, he did
everything right...

he exercised, he ate right.

I mean, think about what he ate.

It's quite a testimonial
to sprouts.

You know, I'm really scared.
This is dangerous, isn't it?

(sighs)
Yeah, it is.

I love him so much.

We all do.

We've known him
for quite some time.

But it's such
a helpless feeling though.

How could somebody like Dad
have a heart att*ck?

Well, Grandpa Jake did have
a heart condition.

That's right. He did.

That means... that means
I could have one.

That means
any of us could have one.

Well, women don't get
heart att*cks nearly as often

as men do.

Yeah. Hey, ain't that a kick?

I mean, I mean, men,
we-we work, we sl*ve and we die.

And-and you women, you-you just
sit back and eat bonbons

and collect the insurance.

Well, some insurance policies
come with bonbons.

Oh!

All right, okay,
you laugh, you laugh.

It's true.

Men... men, we men, we're up
every morning cr*ck of dawn.

Job to do, we get it done.

Close shave, suit and tie,

bag lunch
and we're out the door.

"Bye, honey. Have a nice day.

"Oh, no, sweetheart,
don't worry about me.

I'll be dead soon."

We must remember
these moments, Mallory.

We must write them down, because
no one will ever believe them.

Where am I going?

(monitor beeping steadily)

(Steven sighs)

- (knocking)
- Yeah?

Mr. Keaton,
there's someone to see you.

- No more doctors.
- (chuckles): No.

It's me, honey.

- Elyse.
- NURSE: Oh, Mr...

Mr. Keaton, please.

Now, you must get back into bed.

He has a bit
of a conduct problem.

Well, that's nothing new.

Now, you only have a moment;
we have a blood test to run.

(sighs)
More needles?

Why don't you just run me
through a sewing machine?

Hmm.

Calm down, sweetheart.
Just-just let them do

what they have to do;
they're gonna do it anyway.

If I could just stick them
with a few needles.

Yeah, well, maybe
when you're feeling better,

you can, uh,
sneak up on someone.

(chuckles softly)

Hi.

Hi.

I really missed you.

Me, too.

Everyone else is out
in the waiting room.

I was the only one
they'd let in.

Elyse...

I think there are a few things
we need to discuss.

I will never serve
the buckwheat loaf again.

The key
to the safe deposit box...

I don't want to talk about that.

I don't want to talk
about it either,

but this may be
our last chance to talk.

I'm not going in
for a haircut here.

Listen, don't-don't talk
like that.

We are not gonna need
a safe deposit key

for at least years.

By which time, we'll be
living off Alex anyway.

(sighs)

Look, Elyse...

Uh...

I'm worried. Uh...

It's possible I...
(sighs)

You're gonna live
a long time, Steven.

I want to live a long time.

I want to live
a long time with you.

I want to be old with you,

I want to sit on a porch
and rock with you.

I want that, too.

And when we die...

I want us to die together.

I want us to get real old.

And then say,
"One, two, three, die."

That sounds like fun.

I want it to be that way, Elyse.

Me, too.

Because I cannot imagine being
on this Earth without you.

How 'bout them Browns?

I'm... not really
that interested in sports.

That so, a young fella
like yourself?

What are you interested in?

Banking.

How 'bout them interest rates?

I feel they're artificially
inflated at the moment.

Due to the rampant fluctuations
in the price-earning ratios

of certain blue-chip stocks
in the industrial quadrant.

Although, I'm sure you'll agree

that the EEC's
recent proclamation

on the possible reactivation
of the gold standard,

making petrodollars a more
financially lucrative option

in this quarter, may help
mitigate the crisis brought on

by the refinancing
of the deutsche mark.

I think the Browns got a sh*t.

ALEX:
What?

Oh. Oh, no.
No, he's fine. Sit down.

Sit down. He's fine. He...

He's making everyone nuts
back there.

I take that as a good sign.

- Way to go, Dad.
- Yeah, that's-that's Dad.

This is some beautiful family
you have, Elyse.

Reminds me a lot of my own
until they grew up,

moved out and never call.

- Are you the Keatons?
- Yes. - Yeah.

Hi, I'm Peggy Vincent,

- Dr. Harrison's secretary.
- Hi.

And if I may,
I'd like to describe

- the surgical procedure to you.
- (scoffs)

Well, it's about time.

Okay.

ALEX:
All right.

Oh, my God!

Grow up. It's just a heart.

Yes, it is.

And this right here
is the left coronary artery.

That's the one
that has the blockage.

So what Dr. Harrison will do
is open the chest cavity...

Uh, is that a must?

Yes, it is, dear.

That's where the heart is.

I see.

Now, the object of the surgery

is to bypass
this clogged coronary artery

- (Alex exhales)
- With a piece of another artery.

So what Dr. Harrison will do
is sew...

(Alex panting)

You don't look very well.

Oh, I'm fine. I'm fine, really.

I'm just, you know,
listening quietly here.

You have my complete
undivided attention.

Okay.

Now, the doctor is going to sew

the new artery into Mr. Keaton's
left coronary artery

to develop a flow of blood

- around the blocked area,
- Right.

And thereby bring a supply
of vital nutrients to the heart.

(Alex panting)

And that's it.

Now, the surgery will take place
tomorrow morning at : ,

and the procedure normally takes
about five hours.

So, are there any questions?

(monitor beeping steadily)

DR. HARRISON: Just breathe
normally, Mr. Keaton.

(Steven sighs)

Good. Very good.

Now, this is a team effort,
Steven, and we're gonna

need your help here.

Okay.

You lie down,
I'll do the surgery.

(chuckles)

I'm all scrubbed up.

You better let me do it.

That's a beautiful family
you have out there.

You're going to be seeing them
very soon.

I had a nice chat
with your wife.

She's a lovely woman.

What's her first name?

STEVEN:
Elyse.

DR. HARRISON:
That's a beautiful name,

Elyse.

Come on, Steven, tell me.

There's something on your mind.

Elyse.

Mm-hmm?

I was accepted
into the Peace Corps.

Steven, that's great.

They're sending me to Africa.

Zambezi.

Your first choice!

Good for you.

I want you to come with me.

I want to go.

Well, I called and asked.

They can't guarantee that we can
go to the same place.

That is, unless we're married.

Now, I know how we feel
about marriage.

So unnecessary when the love
and the commitment is real.

And we're so right.

And that's how we feel.

Funny, last night
after you left,

I was thumbing through this.

Listen to this...
it's a quote from Euripides,

who was no fool, by the way.

"Never say that marriage
has more joy than pain."

Is that saying it?

(sighs)
Says it all.

It's funny,
when I got home last night,

I picked up some Shakespeare.

Same subject.

"When daisies pied,
and violets blue,

"And lady-smocks
all silver-white,

"And cuckoo-buds of a yellow hue

"Do paint the meadows
with delight,

"The cuckoo then, on every tree,

"Mocks married men,
for thus sings he:

"'Cuckoo! Cuckoo, cuckoo! '
O word of fear,

Unpleasing to the married ear."

Wow.

Do you have any idea
what that means?

Absolutely none.

Will you marry me?

I want nothing more.

(erratic beeping)

We got a problem here.
His blood pressure's falling.

His heart is fibrillating.
Quick, let's shock him.

- (monitor flatlines)
- Hurry up. We're gonna lose him.

(defibrillator thumping)



MAN:
Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog.

(Ubu barks)
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