07x09 - Deja Vu

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Family Ties". Aired: September 22, 1982 - May 14, 1989.*
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Set in suburban Columbus, Ohio during the Reagan administration, Steven and Elyse Keaton are baby boomers, liberals and former hippies, raising their three children: ambitious, would-be millionaire entrepreneur Alex; fashion-conscious, gossipy Mallory; and tomboy Jennifer.
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07x09 - Deja Vu

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ ♪

(no voice)

♪ I bet we've been together
for a million years ♪

♪ And I bet we'll be together
for a million more ♪

♪ Oh, it's like
I started breathing ♪

♪ On the night we kissed ♪

♪ And I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪

♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪

♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪

♪ And there ain't no nothing we
can't love each other through ♪

♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪



Hi, Dad. What you doing?

Oh, I'm working, Andy.

Making notes on
my new documentary.

The Industrialization of Mexico:

From Nacho Chip to Microchip.

I wrote that line.

It's a k*ller, Dad.

Well, this...

(sighs)

Oh, Steven, are you working
again, on a Saturday?

Honey, I'm just doing
a little extra PBS work.

You shouldn't be working
on a weekend.

Yeah, even during the week
it's debatable.

Dad, you know the doctor said
that since your heart att*ck,

you should de-stress your life
and try to relax.

Yeah, you need a hobby.

I hate hobbies.

Oh, hey, hey, hey, come on.

Hobbies are terrific, huh?

I got a million of 'em.

Where do you find time

to fit them
into your busy schedule?

Okay, I'll be in the kitchen,

so please let me know
when my friend gets here.

Sure. What friend is this?

Oh, just someone
I know from school.

He... I mean, he-slash-she is
gonna help me bake some stuff

for my French Club bake sale.

Wait, he... "he-slash-she"?

Yes. This person is a friend,

and I don't see how gender
enters into it.

Mal, how do I look?
Is this a good color for me?

Yes, Jennifer.

You're gonna knock
his-slash-her eyes out.

Uh, is this one of them

half-men, half-women guys
you see...

Jennifer, is this, uh...

is this friend a boyfriend?

Well, maybe.

I don't want to discuss
my personal life, though.

He is so sweet, Mallory.

He's shy, he walks me
to all my classes.

I'm really not sure
if he likes me,

but he's been hanging around
my locker a lot this past week.

Well, okay. When he's,
uh, talking to you,

does he lean against
the locker with one hand?

Yeah.

Oh, Jennifer,

then you're practically engaged!

I'm so happy for you!

(girls laugh)

Oh.

Wait a minute, he's shy,
he walks,

he can lean on one hand.

That's one way to choose a mate.

It's better than you did.

Better than you did, too.

You might know who he is.

His name is Josh Wakefield.

Wait a minute, Josh Wake...
Josh Wakefield?

Jeff Wakefield's little brother?

Or little brother-slash-sister?

Great. Jeff Wakefield.

Who is Jeff Wakefield?

Well, it's a boy that, uh,
Mallory used to go out with

when she was in high school.

Nick, he's the guy
who broke my heart.

He went away to college
and asked me to go steady.

Then when I went to visit him,

I walked into his dorm and
found him kissing another girl.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

I was devastated.

- Oh.
- I was a complete mess

until I met you.

You're wonderful, Nick.

But Jeff Wakefield's
a complete jerk.

He's also a good friend of mine.

Well, they're not
mutually exclusive.

I'm beginning to like
this Jeff guy.

What?

Oh, you see,

if he'd never broke up with you,

you and I never
would've gotten together.

(giggles)

Damn that Jeff.

Oh, honey, he-he was
a nice, shy boy.

Remember, he'd come
to the house,

he couldn't even bring himself

- to knock on the door?
- (laughs)

Mom, that's not because
he was shy.

He was standing out there
thinking of ways to dump me.

No, I-I thought he was nice.

He'd come in
and call you "pal."

Remember that goofy,
high-pitched laugh he had

whenever he got nervous?

The deranged little cackle?

(cackles)

He sounded like Flipper.

Boy, it's getting late.

I hope Josh didn't get lost.

Josh!

Hi. Come on in.

Hey, pal.

Josh, these are my parents.

All of them? (chuckles)

(cackles)

He doesn't sound like Flipper.

He sounds like Shamu.

Well, Josh, come on.

We better get baking.

Yeah.

Jeff?

Okay, this last batch
should be done pretty soon.

Now all we have to do is glaze
the cinnamon rolls.

Hey. Hey, Jennifer, you...

got a little flour on your nose.

Oh, gosh.

Is it gone?

No, it's on the side...

Here, let me, uh...

Oh. (laughs)

Smudged it, uh...

- Here.
- Ow!

Oh, God!

I'm such a jerk, I...

I poked you in the eye, I...

Yes, you did, but it was
the nicest poke in the eye

I've ever received.

- Hey.
- Hi.

Hi.

Jennifer, can I talk to you
about something?

I think you went a little
overboard powdering your nose.

You don't think
it's a good look for me?

Oh, God, no.

I'll be right back.

I'm gonna freshen up.

Can you stir that for me
until I get back?

Oh, hey, Mallory.

Spoke to my brother Jeff
the other day.

He said to say hi.

(chuckles)

As if I care.

Huh?

Uh... I said,

"Oh, have you been
to the World's Fair?"

Gee, Mal, I could've sworn
you said, "As if I..."

Ow!

So, how... is Jeff doing?

Well, let's see, uh...

After Jeff graduated summa cum
laude in French from Princeton,

he landed a job over in Paris.

Vice president of a big
French manufacturing company.

Well, I guess Jeff's so busy,

he doesn't have time
for a social life.

Well, he doesn't really
go out much.

Not since he got married.

And Gigi kind of likes to relax
when she gets home.

You know, she says it's really
tiring being an astrophysicist.

Oh, she says that, huh?

In French.

She sounds charming.

Charmant.

I always knew Jeff would wind up
with a bookish little girl.

Well, actually, uh,
Gigi's quite tall.

She-she used to be a model.

(Alex whistles)

Well, she couldn't make it
as a model,

she had to go and become
an astrophysicist.

That's right.

So, how about you, Josh?

How you doing?

Well, uh, I got into Princeton.

Early admission, just like Jeff.

And I'm gonna major
in French, too.

Like Jeff.
(chuckles)

Just like Jeff, huh?

Yeah. I plan to follow
in his footsteps.

Jeff's kind of my... my hero.

Okay, I'm back. How do I look?

- Oh, great.
- Okay. How's that glaze coming?

Great.

Well, it looks like it's done.

Come on, Josh, we better
get to the bake sale.

Oh, we got to hurry,
because I told Rebecca Philips

I was gonna give
her a ride, too.

- Oh, okay, great. Let's go.
- Okay.

See you guys later.

What do you think of that, Alex?

He's taking Rebecca Philips
to the bake sale, too.

Wow.

We better call the bakery cops
and bust his crullers.

Hey, Dad.

Okay, Steven, you can
start relaxing right now,

because we have the hobby
of your dreams.

You remember
your favorite childhood toy?

We got it for you.

Train set.

Oh, Elyse, a train set.

That's a great idea!

Boy, I used to love
those freight trains.

Climbing rugged mountains,
crossing raging rivers,

all of them pulled
by that mighty locomotive.

Doesn't look
very mighty, does it?

Yeah, all right,
it's mighty... tiny.

But it comes
with great accessories

for the village, Dad.

Look at this.

A miniature Young Republicans
headquarters...

with cute little
miniature Young Republicans

running hither and thither.

They're not hithering
and thithering in my village.

- Come on.
- Wait, Dad.

- No, no.
- No. Look-look at the box.

Hi, Mom.

- Hi, honey.
- Where's Jennifer?

Uh, still at the bake sale
with Josh.

Still?

Oh, Mom, when I have kids,
the rule is gonna be

three, at the most four,
hours at a bake sale.

Anything over that,
they're grounded.

What has gotten into you?

Oh, I don't know, Mom.

Look, the truth is,
I don't trust Josh.

Why do you say that?

Mom, I care about Jennifer.

Josh worships Jeff.

Josh is gonna do
everything Jeff did.

And in my judgment,
Josh will jilt Jennifer

just as Jeff jilted me.

Gee...

judging by Jeff,

Jen and Josh are really jinxed.

Jell-O?

No, thanks.

Honey, history doesn't really
have to repeat itself.

You know, Josh and Jen
are unique individuals

in a unique relationship,
which, as far as I can tell,

revolves solely
around baked goods.

(huffing)

Elyse, Alex isn't
playing trains fair.

Do I have to separate
you two again?

Mallory?

Huh?

Guess what happened.

Josh asked me
to the senior prom.

Isn't that incredibly romantic?

I don't know, Jen.

What's the matter?

This morning,
you were so happy for me.

That was before I knew
who he was.

Jennifer, I have to tell you:
I don't like Josh.

How can you say that?
You don't even know him.

I know his type.

Oh, I get it.
You just don't like him

because he's Jeff's brother.

That's right.

See, Jeff led me on
and dumped me,

and Josh is gonna do
the same thing to you.

I can't believe you, Mallory.

Why-why are you trying
to ruin this for me?

Jennifer, I'm telling you this
for your own good.

Now, I'm your big sister;

I think you ought
to listen to me.

You know, I thought you were

more than my big sister,
Mallory.

I really thought
you were my friend.

Excuse me.

Oh, excuse me.

Oh, hey, hey-hey-hey.

Girls, how we doing, huh?

Jennifer, I'm only trying
to look out for you.

Well, maybe I don't want
you to look out for me.

Who wants ice cream?

Jennifer, I think I know
a little bit more

about the world than you do.

Oh, the world
of culottes, maybe.

Frozen yogurt, Tofutti?

I'm flexible here, huh?

I can't believe you made
a cr*ck like that, Jennifer!

Mallory, just because
Jeff dumped you...

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
girls, girls, girls, girls!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Jennifer, he is going...

What the hell is going on here?

Mallory doesn't like Josh,

and she's not even
giving him a chance.

Jennifer, I don't think
you're thinking clearly.

Mallory, I can't believe that
you would make that statement.

Listen, Jeff did it, Josh...

- Josh worships Jeff.
- Wait a minute, girls, girls!

Wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait a minute!

Wait a minute!

Mallory, Jennifer...

you're my sisters.

I love you both very much.

And it pains my heart
to see you fight.

And snap at each other.

So, please...

do it another room, all right?

Thanks, Alex.

All right, all right,
I'll tell you what.

Okay, I'll tell you what.

I'll mediate your dispute.

- Oh, God.
- Please, don't.

Oh, come on, it will be
just like when you were little

and you'd have arguments and
I'd settle them fair and square.

No, you wouldn't;
you always sided with Jennifer.

- (groans)
- Well, I won't this time, okay?

Listen, I'll listen
to each of your complaints,

I'll think about it,

and I'll come up with a solution
that will satisfy both of you.

Okay? Now, Jen.

Fine.

Okay.

I think if I want to go out
with Josh, it is my business,

and Mallory should butt out.

Mm-hmm.

I just think Jennifer should go
a little slow with Josh.

(clicks tongue) Okay.

Slow with him.

Butt out.

Mm... uh...

Jennifer's right.

Oh, that's not fair!

Yes, it is, Mallory!

Mallory, if you would take
the time to get to know Josh,

you wouldn't be saying
these things about him.

Oh, hey, hey, hey,
that gives me an idea, huh?

Why don't you and me

and Josh and Jennifer
all go out for dinner, huh?

That way,
you can get to know him.

That's a great idea, Nick.

What do you say, Mal?

What if after we go out
I still don't like him?

Well, I don't know, you know,
I only get one idea at a time.

So, uh, Josh,
you're fluent in French, huh?

Say something.

Nick, you're kind of
putting him on the spot.

Aw, come on, just tell me
a word, you know?

Like, for instance,
what's the French word for, uh,

I don't know, say,
um... croissant?

Croissant.

(laughs):
Oh!

Hey, so French and English
are the same, huh?

Basically.

So, uh, what else is going on
with your life, huh?

Well, we've talked
enough about me.

Mallory, you haven't said much.

Oh, I'm just listening.

Go on.

You know, Josh got accepted
early admission to Princeton.

Well, hey, early admissions
to Princeton, huh, Josh?

You must be pretty excited...
or as they say in French,

"Pretty excited."

Yeah, my brother Jeff
went there, loved it.

Says you can meet
all sorts of interesting people.

Really?

Yeah, college can open up
a lot of doors.

Both academically and socially.

Do tell.

Maybe we ought to talk about
what Nick's doing.

Oh, okay.

Uh, what am I doing?

Or as the French say,
"What am I doing?"

Shush up, honey.

Um, Josh,

which door do you think
you'd be more interested in,

the social one
or the academic one?

Ah, I'm not sure.

Jeff says studying's
pretty important, but, uh,

I mean, you need a good
social life, too, right?

Well, he certainly had one.

So, uh, you two is going
to the prom, huh?

That's great.

Isn't it, Nick?

Yeah. You know,
I never went to a prom.

How come?

Oh, I was never in school

when the year ended, so...

Um, Josh... getting back
to your social life...

what exactly do you think
you'll be doing?

Well, I... I guess in the fall,
I'd go to football games.

Alone, or with someone?

Mallory, what does that matter?

Oh, hush. I'm just curious.

Josh?

(chuckles)

Well, with someone, I guess.

Hoping to make friends
pretty fast.

What kind of friends?

I don't know.

What kind are there?

Well, there are the kind
you hang out with,

and there are the kind
you kiss on the lips.

- Mallory!
- Jennifer!

Who here can roll their tongue?

Listen, Josh, I'm sorry.

I just think Jennifer
has a right to know

where this relationship
is going.

Mallory, stop it!
Just leave him alone.

Look... I don't know
what's going on here,

but I really don't think
this evening was a good idea.

- I better go.
- Wait, Josh, wait.

No. I am sorry, I got to go.

Thanks a lot, Mallory.

- Jennifer...
- Well, so long.

Or as they say in French...

Oh, Nick!

Okay. All right?

Yes.

(Alex gasps)

(sighs):
Okay, we did it.

All right. Okay.

Okay, what's, uh, what's next?

Uh... glue, glue, glue, glue.

One drop in each of its slots.

Yes, yes, each of the slots.

- All right?
- Okay.

- Okay.
- Here we go.

- All right.
- Okay.

Okay. There you go.

I can't do it, Alex.

I haven't got the hands anymore.

- I... (sighs) -You can do it,
Dad, you can do it.

You're a champ.
You're a winner.

- Okay, you're right. - You're
a model-building machine.

Yes. Yes. Yes!

- Okay, all right.
- Yes.

All right.

Yes.

Go for it, Dad.

Tab ... in slot A.

It's done. It's...

All right, okay, okay,
take a break, take a break.

(gargles)

Dad, little bit more?

(sighs)

Okay.

Tab .

- It's done.
- Yes! One more!

- Yes!
- One more, Dad. One more.

God, thank you, Alex.
Thank you.

One more. Come on, buddy.
Come on, buddy.

Thank you, Alex. Thank you.

Come on. Come on, buddy.

Thank you. Thank you. Yes.

- Done! We did it!
- Oh!

- We did it.
- We did it.

Okay, Dad.

Oh, Alex, I love it.

- We've done it. We've done it.
- Yes.

We built our very own
Republican Savings and Loan.

Alex, this...

is an authentic replica
of a Wild West saloon.

No, it's not, Dad.

I mean, Dad, look, look, look.

If it's a Wild West saloon,

what are all those cute
little bankers doing in there?

Those aren't bankers.

- Those are drunken cowboys.
- Dad.

They're bankers.

- Look, look.
- Alex, no, don't tell me.

- Dad, n-no, I just...
- No. Al...

- Oh, oh!
- Oh, oh, oh!

Now look what you've done.

How's your hobby coming, honey?

Oh, it's tremendously relaxing,
Elyse!

The trains are so small,
you can barely see them.

Alex has turned the village into
a bastion of Republican banking.

You can hardly put-put
the buildings together,

and when you can, you...

you glue yourself to them.

Great.

I've got to make a presentation
at work tomorrow,

and now I have to explain

why I've got a saloon stuck
to my hand.

It's a Republican
Savings and Loan, Dad!

ELYSE:
Hi, honey.

- (door closes) -Hi.
- Where's Jennifer?

Oh, she ran out
of the restaurant after Josh.

Oh, dear.
I'm sorry to hear that. Why?

Oh, I started asking him
all these questions, Mom,

to find out
if he was really like Jeff,

and I went a little too far.

I alienated Josh,
I mortified Jennifer.

I made a complete fool
out of myself.

Nick have a good time?

Yes.

He learned French.

Honey, look,
even if Jen is making a mistake,

there is nothing
you can do about it.

It-lt's the only way
she's gonna grow up.

In other words, butt out.

You got it.

I'll be upstairs.

How did things go with Josh?

Fine, fine.

He's a really sweet guy,

so he didn't hold anything
against me.

You're another matter, however.

He must hate me.

No, I talked him down.

I told him that you're getting
over a vicious bout of scurvy.

Then you must hate me.

It's tempting.

Jennifer, I'm sorry.

I'm really, really sorry.

Mallory, you had no right
to do what you did.

I think I'm old enough to handle
these things by myself.

I-I know that...
in my head,

but in my heart, you're still
my little baby sister.

You know, before you were born,
I used to dream about

what it would be like
to have a little sister.

And then, when you came along,
I was so happy.

Glad I could help.

I used to sneak
into your nursery

and-and sit there
and-and look at you

through the bars of the crib,
and I'd talk to you.

Do you remember what I said?

Not offhand.

I promised that I would be the
best big sister in the world,

and that I would protect you
and care for you and teach you.

You've done that;
you've always been there

for me when I needed you.

(sighs) Oh, sure,
when you were a toddler,

I'd tell you how to sit up,
patty cake and catalog shop.

But then, when you got older,

you went
in a different direction.

I mean, books and school
and intellectual discussions...

things I don't know
anything bout.

And I realized that
you're not like me at all.

You're like Alex.

That's an awful thing to say.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Forgive me.

What I mean is that...

Alex took over
and-and kind of became the one

who gave you advice
and-and that you looked up to.

Look, Mal, I know we don't have
loads of stuff in common,

but you're still my big sister.

Your opinion means a lot to me.

If it didn't, I wouldn't have
cared what you thought of Josh.

Jen, that means a lot to me.

Listen, I'm sorry
I didn't give Josh a chance.

Well, do you ever think you'll
change your mind about him?

Why don't we all go out
after my scurvy clears up,

and I'm sure I'll like him.

You're on, Mal.

And Mal?

Yeah?

I still love you, big sister.

(both chuckle)

Jen, I love you, too.

Or as the French say,
"I love you, too."



MAN:
Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog.

(Ubu barks)
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