09x02 - Down and Out in Malibu: Part 2

[bunniefuu]

♪ You take the good
you take the bad ♪

♪ You take 'em both
and there you have ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ There's a time you
gotta go and show ♪

♪ You're growin'
now you know about ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be livin' up
to your dreams ♪

♪ And suddenly
you're findin' out ♪

♪ The facts of life
are all about you ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ It takes a lot
to get 'em right ♪

♪ When you're learnin'
the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

Mugged by a wind surfer.

And you broke your
foot running after him?

Yeah, well, sorta.

You know, it's kinda funny
you need a house sitter

Because I'm looking for a
place to stay for a while.

Looks like you already have one.

And not only does she
have a fabulous house,

But she's living with some guy.

Yes. Jo.

I love you.

Now, look, you said that
we were living together.

Well, why not?

Let's... Live together.

Come on, natalie. We're leaving!

Not me. Uh-uh. She's
got a hot tub up there...

Oh, with a skylight
and a view of the ocean.

Something's leaking.

Oh, god. The hot tub!

[All scream]

I can't believe this.
This house is ruined.

I guess this means

I'll never be
invited back again.

Blair, don't you ever think

About anything besides yourself?

Like what?

Never mind.

Let's see how absorbent
these things really are.

Oh, sure. Another
500, 600 rolls,

This place will
be dry as a bone.

No. I mean the painting.

Nothing worse than
water damage to fine art.

Someone forgot to turn
off the water in the hot tub.

Who?

Both: her!

Both: me?

Who was the last
one out the hot tub?

I was. But she was the
last one out of the room.

Right. What did I say
when I got out of the tub?

"Whoa. It's freezing in here."

After that.

I don't know.

Natalie, you were the one
who turned the water on,

In the first place.

Right. So you should
have been the one...

Hey, hey, forget
whose fault it is.

I'm the one who's
gonna have to explain

To a guy the size
of a skyscraper

That his living room
looks like sea world.

[Doorbell rings]

That's great! That's
probably him now

Coming to chop me
into kindling wood.

Hello. Delivery for
miss jo polniaczek.

I hope it's a bilge pump.

It's been in the
van for a while,

So be sure to get
them right into water.

That shouldn't be a problem.

Thanks a lot.

From paul.

"I'll do anything if
you'll live with me."

Tootie: see, jo?

Now I know that things look bad,

But the guy that loves
you just sent you flowers.

Can't you be happy about that?

Sure. Now when
mr. Moll comes back,

You'll have something
to put on my grave.

I think I should go call him.

I think you should wait.

For what? The rest of
the ceiling to fall in?

To see if we can get
this place fixed up

Without mr. Moll ever
having to know what happened.

We should at least
call a contractor

And get an estimate.

Blair's right.

This is all our
responsibility...

To one degree or another.

So m-maybe we can pay for this

Without involving mr. Moll

Or his insurance company.

What do you say,
jo? It's worth a sh*t.

Come on, guys. This is not like

We're chipping
in for pizza here.

Well, let's at least see
how much it would cost.

I mean, what could
it be? $15,000 Tops?

I think I can cover that.

Oh, all right. Great.

Okay. Well, I'll get the phone

And find a contractor,

And you girls can keep
mopping up this disgusting water.

Ok!

Let's see, there's materials,

Labor, permits,
and miscellaneous.

Then upstairs,
there's materials,

Labor, permits,
and miscellaneous.

I don't like the sound of this.

Now, let's not panic.

These things always seem
worse than they actually are.

Ok. Give or take a few bucks,

I'd say this is about it.

I can't look.

Jo, come on now.
Whatever it costs,

We'll all work real
hard to pay off the debt.

Sweet lord above,
it's back to sl*very.

Well, I suppose I could
sell parts of my body...

Like my foot.

I haven't really been
using that recently.

Is this an estimate,

Or your social security number?

Oh, give me that.

It's like you girls have
never seen anything

Over $10 before.

$123,000?!

Plus tax.

Just a minute.

If you think you
can come in here

And hornswoggle us just
because we're a bunch of women,

Then, let me tell you, mister,
you can take your plaster

And go caulk yourself.

Hey!

Listen, you're welcome
to get a second estimate,

But I gotta tell you,

They don't call me
"budget bob" for nothing.

Listen, mr. Budget, I
know this is a wild idea,

But is there any chance we
could do this work ourselves?

Absolutely!

Do you have a 50-foot
hydraulic scissor lift?

I knew I forgot
to pack something.

I said it was a wild
idea, not a good idea.

Listen, we're gonna
have to talk about this.

We'll give you a call.

Okay, but don't wait too
long. My rates go up on the 15th.

That's tomorrow.

Yeah, I know.

Well, that's it, I'm just
gonna have to call mr. Moll

And tell him I
watered his plants

Along with the
rest of his house.

Look, jo, it wasn't your fault.

Now I made the mistake,

And I'll take full
responsibility for it.

I will, too.

He can't k*ll both
of us, can he?

Look, neither one of
you would have been here

If I hadn't invited you.

So it's really my fault.

Look, I haven't actually
done anything wrong.

But I'm more than
willing to take the blame.

Thank you, everybody, but
it was my house-sitting job,

It's up to me to call king
kong and face the music.

[Doorbell rings]

Ooh. Maybe later.

The moon is blue, and
the dogs bark at midnight.

I guess they can't
just say hello out here.

Your cover's been blown, paul.

You're a civilian again.

Well, I hope this isn't
my house anymore

Because I'd hate
to have to fix it up.

Well, I'll explain
about that later.

This is beverly ann,
and tootie and natalie,

And you know blair.

Hi! Jo never said
you're so good-looking.

Not that she said
you were an eyesore,

Which you're not.

Tootie likes to practice
her english on strangers.

Why don't we just head
for higher ground?

Don't let the
condition of the house

Give you the wrong impression.

Normally, jo is a
lot neater than this.

Listen, thank you for the roses.

They really cheered me up.

Hey, if I'd known
about the flood,

I'd have sent water lilies.

It must've been six
inches deep in here.

Yeah! You know,
if you haven't tried

Snorkeling in the living room,

You really don't know
what you're missing.

You didn't get your foot wet?

Uh, yeah, a little bit.

You know, the water
could have ruined your cast,

We'd better have my
doctor take a look at it.

No. I'm fine. Thank you.

Hey, I insist.

It's time you started getting
used to my taking care of you.

Really. I don't need
to see a doctor.

Ok. Don't go. I'll take you.

You know, if you
just face the ocean,

You almost forget this
place is a complete disaster.

I wonder what's
taking jo so long?

She's with paul. Use
your imagination.

She's probably stalling.

I mean, how anxious can she be

To get back and call
the jolly bald giant?

I'm sure once we explain
the circumstances to him,

He'll prove to be a
very understanding man.

And if he's not, let's
keep some raw meat handy.

Tootie, we are the raw meat.

There's jo now.

Mr. Moll!

What are you doing here?

I live here.

I think.

Hello, bull.

I'm beverly ann stickle.

I'm a big fan of yours,

And I think you have
such a lovely home.

Well, not now, of course.

Who are you people?

We're friends of jo polniaczek.

You mean, the
late jo polniaczek?

Actually, we don't
know her that well.

See, she let us stay here.

And then natalie and I

Accidentally left the
water running in your hot tub,

And so it flooded.

Anyway, I was thinking, well...

Since you're an
actor and I'm an actor,

And you would
find it in your heart

Not to be too hard on us.

My, you're large.

Mr. Moll... Sir...
We girls just...

We made a silly little mistake.

You understand that, don't you?

No. Of course not.

May I ask a favor of you?

Anything. Get out.

Well, we can't.

See, we're waiting for jo.

Besides, where would we stay?

Oh, I didn't realize
you had that problem.

Let me make
reservations for you.

The bigger they are,
the nicer they are.

Uh, yes, this is richard moll.

Could you send a squad
car over right away?

I have four trespassers.

Come on, jo. Be there.

I can't believe the warner name

Doesn't carry any
clout around here.

I mean, you leave new york,
and suddenly everyone's equal.

I don't get it! They
take four normal,

Upstanding young women
and throw them in jail

Because some guy who
looks like a genetic accident

Accuses them of trespassing.

And vandalism, and
breaking and entering.

He charged us with that?

I always liked john
larroquette better anyway.

Still no answer.

We'll have to wait
until she gets back.

Excuse me, but if you would
just call sergeant canfield,

I'm sure he would vouch that
I'm a friend of jo polniaczek's.

I'd be glad to call canfield.

Good.

Just as soon as he gets
back from his camping trip

In two weeks.

You know...

I once ran afoul of
the local constabulary

Back in appleton.

You're going to
love this story, girls.

Sergeant, I'd like to volunteer
for solitary confinement.

So, what do you
say, dinner tonight?

Oh, sure!

Then a nice romantic
limp along the beach?

Exactly!

And then, you pack your
bags and move in with me?

I don't have any bags.

Well...

Who are you?

Cindy.

Paul.

You two know each other?

Sure.

You know, it's bad enough
I had my friends here.

Now you're inviting people over?

No, he didn't invite me over.

I'm cindy garver, the
insurance adjuster.

Mr. Moll let me in.

Oh, no. He came back early?

Uh, have you seen
four girls around here

Or parts that may have
added up to four girls?

No. Just mr. Moll,

And oh, the doctor who
administered his tranquilizer.

He must have gone crazy
when he walked in here.

What would you expect?

He leaves town and comes
back after a few days

And finds this.

All because some
idiot house sitter

Left the water
running in the hot tub.

Uh, cindy, this
is jo polniaczek.

Idiot house sitter.

If I were you,

I wouldn't put this
one on my resume.

Where is he now?

Checking into a hotel.

For some reason, he
didn't want to stay here.

Boy, those temperamental stars.

If you'll excuse me,
I'm going to go upstairs

To check out the
source of the damage...

Other than you, I mean.

She's friendly.

No, cindy's not so bad
when you get to know her.

I take it you used
to go out with her.

Only a few times.

After you came
along, I lost interest.

[Telephone rings]

Hello.

Blair, where have you guys been?

What do you mean,
where have I been?

You're where?

Calm down. I mean,
how bad can it be?

Please, the food is dreadful,
and the bed is unspeakable.

Although I'll admit
things have improved

Since tootie stopped singing
swing low, sweet chariot.

I'm sure you'll survive.

Jo, you've got to get down
here and straighten things out.

Well, I'll try and get
down there as soon as I can.

How's your foot?

Oh, fine now. The
doctor put on a new cast.

Guess it was a good
thing paul was around.

It must be nice to have
someone to depend on.

Yeah. All right.
He has been great.

See? You can make
friends if you just be nice.

The longer we talk about
me, the longer you rot in jail.

Bye.

Well, is she gonna come
down and spring us?

Yes. I think this calls
for a celebration.

Sergeant, can we see a
room service menu, please?

Good news, jo,
you're off the hook.

What are you talking about?

Well, cindy found a faulty
overflow drain in the hot tub.

So the report can say

The flooding was
caused by the defect.

He-heh! What about the fact
that the water was left running

While I was out of the
house for 10 hours?

Well, I think I can
get her to agree

Not to put that
part in the report.

Look, I know you're
trying to help,

But I don't think
bribery is the answer.

I'm not going to bribe her...

I mean, at least not with money.

Look. Before I decided
to date only you,

Cindy and I were...

Well, I mean, she was, uh...

Tuesday and thursday?

Yeah. Something like that.

Anyway, here's the plan.

I told her I'd like to
start seeing her again.

Is this your way of telling me

I took too long deciding?

Jo, you don't understand.

Picture this. I'm dating cindy.

She likes me. She
wants to make me happy.

So I say, "honey, couldn't
you leave out the part

"About jo being negligent.

It would mean so much to me."

Bingo! You're off the hook.

And you two live
happily ever after.

Jo, it's just for a few weeks.

Whatever it takes for
the claim to be settled.

Hey, take your time.
Go on a cruise with her.

I'm not really
interested in cindy.

I'm doing this for you.

I can't believe what
you're suggesting.

Okay, I'll call off
my date with cindy.

That's not the point.

The point is you
were going to use her.

Look, I was just
being resourceful.

I mean, don't you want
your name off that report?

Not that much, and not that way.

Alright, I think I've got
all the information I need.

I'm just going to
go back to my office

And call mr. Moll with
a preliminary report.

Oh, could you tell me
what hotel he's staying at?

I'd really like to call him

And explain about my
friends being here...

Among other things.

I'm sorry, he asked me
not to give the number out.

Yeah, but i...
Especially to you.

Of course.

Oh, and paul, I'm sorry,

I'm not going to be able
to keep our date tonight.

Why not?

Well, next time you decide
to have a secret conversation,

Do it in a place

Where there isn't
a hole in the ceiling.

Well, at least you have
good taste in women.

Look, come on, I
said I was sorry.

Let's just put this
behind us and move on.

Well, I don't think so.

Hey... Come on.

Look, you and i...

We have a good thing going.

No. We had an ok thing,

And it could have been
a good thing. Maybe.

Look, is there
anything that I can say

To make you change your mind?

I wish there were, but...

Look, you, uh... Take
care of yourself.

Yeah, I will. Thanks.

You, too.

I don't know why
he's laughing at me.

Well, it wasn't exactly
appropriate for you to ask

If you could have
champagne with your beans.

I didn't say it had
to be imported.

Hi, guys.

Cut the small talk,
and get us out of here.

Did jeff call?

Did you tell him I was in jail?

Yes, tootie, jeff called,

And I told him you
were in the big house,

Serving two consecutive
life sentences,

And not to wait for you.

A simple "no" would
have been fine.

Excuse me, sergeant.

Could you let my
friends out now?

They weren't trespassing.

They were visiting me.

I'm the house
sitter, jo polniaczek.

Well, that's the
name we were given,

But how do I know that's you?

Oh, that's jo, all right.

Got any i.d.?

No, I was mugged,
a few days ago.

You guys know that.

Look, I'd like to help
you out, but with no i.d.,

You're gonna need
mr. Moll to vouch for you.

Well, then I'm just going
to have to go find him.

On the other hand, I
think I'll join you guys

Behind those nice, safe bars.

You! Here!

His language skills
are regressing.

It's not a good sign.

Hi.

Isn't it funny how
we keep meeting

In the police station?

A riot. Do you have a will?

Look, I'm sorry I
wrecked your house.

I know you have insurance,

But I think it's only
right for me to pay

Whatever the
insurance doesn't cover.

That sounds very fair.

However, I'm not a fair person.

So, instead of money,

I'm gonna ask you to be
my indentured servant

For the next 12 years.

She accepts. Now let us out.

Look, I know I made a mistake,

And you have every
right to be mad at me.

But I've already apologized

And offered to
pay for the damage.

I don't know what else I can do.

Be my love sl*ve.

Look at him, jo.

Those could be very happy years.

Hey, I'm kidding, okay.

Listen, my insurance company
covered everything but $500,

And I stopped being
mad a long time ago.

Well then, why are you
putting me through all this?

I play such a
pussycat on my show,

I wanted to see what it
felt like to be a big meanie.

I liked it!

I see.

Listen, about that
$500, can you handle it?

I'll find a way.

Oh, here are your
keys. Oh, thank you.

I guess I should
have the sheriff

Let your friends out.

They are your
friends, aren't they?

Never seen them
before in my life.

All: jo...

So, I'm real sorry
about your house.

All: jo?

Come back here! Jo!

Sorry. Hi, beverly ann.

I'm on my way to the bus
depot to pick up andy.

You must be excited.

Seems like he's been
away at camp forever.

Oh, he's gonna
get a great big hug

Right after I have
him steam cleaned.

Morning.

Morning.

You know, it's silly,

But this morning,
when I woke up,

I really expected to look
over and see jo in her bed.

Of course, she wasn't there.

But then, I came downstairs,

She wasn't in the
living room either.

And now the
kitchen... Still no jo.

Isn't life wonderful?

Well, some of us
really miss her.

I miss her, too, in my own way.

What way is that,
vain and shallow?

Jo'd be proud of
me for saying that.

Look, I care about jo, too,

But let me ask you
ladies just one question.

Did you really
think the four of us

Would always be living together

For ever and ever?

Both: yes!

Jo moving out is
only a beginning.

We're not children anymore.

Someday soon,
we'll have careers,

Get married, have
children of our own.

Yeah, but that doesn't mean

We can't all still
live here together.

Ok, maybe it does.

We did the best we could.

We asked her to come back.

She decided to
stay in california

And give it one more sh*t.

Like it or not, life goes on.

You'll still going
to be an actress.

You'll still going
to be a writer.

I'm still going to be rich.

And vain and shallow.

You said that already.

Let's face it. Jo's gone.

Make the best of it.

I am.

Hi, guys.

Jo! Jo!

Tell me she's just visiting.

What are you doing here?

I decided to move back.

Not that I'm not just
thrilled to see you,

But I thought you said

That peekskill was
a one-horse town

And that california
had everything.

Yeah, I know, but
I thought it over

And realized california
came up short.

Like they didn't have the mets,

Slushy streets, or you guys.

Thanks.

Besides, malibu was just
full of beautiful, blond people

Who only care about themselves.

So I asked myself,

Do I really want
to live in a place

Where everyone's
just like blair?

It's good to have you
back, jo. We missed you.

You know, I was just saying
the very same thing myself.

[♪♪♪]