09x09 - Adventures in Baileysitting

[bunniefuu]

♪ You take the good
you take the bad ♪

♪ You take 'em both
and there you have ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ There's a time you
gotta go and show ♪

♪ You're growin'
now you know about ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be livin' up
to your dreams ♪

♪ And suddenly
you're findin' out ♪




♪ The facts of life
are all about you ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ It takes a lot
to get 'em right ♪

♪ When you're learnin'
the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99... 100.

Ahh, blair darling,

It's so sweet of you to
keep bailey for the day.

Nonsense, mother.

It gives me a chance
to spend quality time




With my baby sister.

Mother,

You go on up to the
governor's luncheon

And don't worry about a thing.

Bailey and I are going
to have a fabulous time,

Aren't we, honey?

Do you have a tv?

Did you hear that?

She must be gifted.

Now, here's the clown
costume you asked for.

Oh, isn't this adorable?

Jo, look what bailey
will be wearing

When I take her to the
cartoon matinee this afternoon.

Very cute. And what
will you be wearing?

Goodness, I have to run.

Now remember, dear,
I am depending on you.

Now, I made a list of
what she likes to eat,

What time she naps,

Where I will be, her
pediatrician's number,

And her stockbroker's
number, of course.

Bailey, you be a good girl.

[Kiss] [kiss]

And listen to your big sister.

[Kiss] [kiss]

Bye, mommy.

Bye, mom. Bye, darling.

Her stockbroker's number?

Ah, jo, you don't know a thing

About raising children.

I'm hungry.

Well, how about some lunch?

I know a yummy sushi bar.

Do you like raw fish?

Yucky.

Did you hear that?
She said, "yucky".

Well, the acorn doesn't
fall far from the tree.

Oh, dear, I just got off
the phone with oliver.

His niece has come
down with the measles

And pippa and I took her
to the zoo yesterday.

I could be... Contagious.

Well, doesn't say
anything on this list

About bailey having the measles.

I know I had chickenpox,

Because my folks made
me wear boxing gloves

So I wouldn't scratch
myself. No, it worked.

But I knocked myself
silly brushing my teeth.

Well, thank goodness,
we've all had the measles.

G'day all.

Good day, pippa.

Oh, what a cute little sprog!

Freeze! What!

Have you ever had the measles?

Aa... Actually no!

Well, you and I have
been exposed to measles

So the sprog is off-limits.

I'll call my old gp,
back in appleton

And see if he has my
childhood records.

Do you think he still has
them from that far back?

I mean, what I
mean... Yes, pippa.

They might be on stone tablets

But I'm sure he has them.

We are going to
have a wonderful day.

We'll play and we'll talk

And you'll learn all about me

I wanna watch tv.

Maybe there's hope for this kid.

Hey, nat, is it
really cold outside?

It's winter in new york.
Wear your bathing suit.

What's the matter with you?

I'm sorry. I have this
newspaper deadline,

And I can't think of a story.

Well, I wish I could
help, but I'm meeting jeff.

We're picking up
my engagement ring.

What shape are you looking for?

It doesn't matter, as
long as it's from jeff.

And it's big.

Oh, that's it.

"Peekskill girl selects diamond.

Paramedics revive fiancé."

I'm losing my mind.

Let's see what's downstairs, ok?

Why, there's aunt
natalie and aunt tootie.

Maybe if you're real good,

Aunt natalie will let
you type something, hmm?

If she's that good,

She can type the
whole damn thing.

Aunt natalie, why don't you
tell us how we are today?

We are suicidal.

Come on, aunt nat, I'm
running out of ideas.

I know what.

Bailey, how would
you like aunt tootie

To paint you a clown face?

Yeah.

Ok. I'll just get
my makeup case,

And we're in business.

Thanks, tootie.

I've tried everything.

I've read all her
storybooks six times.

I've played patty cake till my
hands are ready to fall off.

And she's not even
remotely interested

In shopping for shoes.

"Why some women
should never be mothers."

An editorial.

Ta-dum.

Bailey wanted to paint
me a clown face, too.

Well, I'm off.

Tootie, no. Don't go.

I'll pay you.

What do babysitters
make nowadays?

$50 An hour, I'll double it.

No, thanks.

I've had enough
motherhood for one day.

Bye, bailey.

See you guys later.

Have fun. I will.

Hi. Hi.

Oh, hey, bailey.

How's it going?

You ready for a new family yet?

For your information,

We're having the
time of our lives.

But right now, it's
nap time, right, bailey?

No nap.

Yeah. She just had
a nap 15 minutes ago.

Did I say nap time?

I meant lap time.

Oh, she loves lap time.

She sits on my lap,

And, well, we talk about things,

All kinds of things.

We talk about appointment
calendar things.

These are numbers.

This is a one.

Can you say one?

One.

My, this is fun.

And this is a two.

Can you say two?

Two.

And this is... Oh, no.

Well, looks like you're
on your own now, bailey.

That's as high as she can go.

The biggest law firm in town

Is giving a tea this afternoon

For freshman law students,

And I completely
forgot about it.

"Memory loss hits
the legal profession."

This could be a
springboard to an internship.

If only I could find someone
to take care of bailey.

Someone who realized that,

This could lead to a
fabulous career for me.

In a city far away.

I'm sold.

I'll take care of bailey.

Oh, would you,
would you, would you?

If there's a problem,
aunt natalie's always here.

Well, can you take her to the
cartoon matinee this afternoon?

Fine, as long as I let the
center know where I am.

Now, bailey, while I'm gone,

You have lots of fun

With aunt natalie and aunt jo.

Ta. [Kiss]

Ta. [Kiss kiss]

Ok, well, gosh!

Uh, let's see, where were you?

Ahh, here we go.

Three.

Can you say three?

Ok, four. Can you say four?

Natalie.

Four.

Forget it. Oh, I know.

I bet great-great-aunt
beverly ann

Has some popsicles
in the kitchen.

Would you like a...

Oh, never mind.
I'll be right back.

So, bailey.

This is driving me crazy.

I just can't remember
that doctor's name.

Hey, bev, who's this
good-looking bloke?

Frank, my ex-husband,
when he was in the army.

And this must be you.

You both look so happy.

Oh, yes, we were.

For 20 years, frank and I
were ecstatically happy.

Then what happened?

We met.

Great, there are no popsicles.

Well, jo,

Can't you find
something else to eat?

No, it's not for
me. It's for bailey.

See, blair had to go out,

So now I'm running
mr. Jo's neighborhood.

I've always found
you can buy children

The most expensive toys,

And they'll be happier playing

With something around the house.

Here, give her this.

I'll pass on that, but
you did give me an idea.

This ought to keep her
occupied for a while.

You know, bailey,
that drawing on paper

Is also great, too?

It's... It's lots of fun.

It's very creative.

It's very quiet.

Question is, what are
we gonna run out of first,

Patience or aspirin?

Look on the bright side.

In 20 minutes, we
head to the movies.

Yes, where there'll be 50 kids

Dressed as little clowns

Screaming their
little lungs out.

You're right. Don't
look on the bright side.

It's too depressing.

You know, I love kids,

But I think blair's
family has the right idea

About hiring someone
to take care of them.

I'm surprised they
didn't hire someone

To give birth to them.

Do you understand
what we're saying?

Good.

Hi, guys. Hi, sweetie.

Oh, hey, this must be bailey.

Yeah. Bailey, this is andy.

I saw your elephant
double-parked outside.

It's a little circus humor.

[Telephone rings]

Hello. Yeah, hi.
How's it... What?

Well, how long ago?

All right, I'll be right there.

Uh, evacuate the building
and call the police.

Yeah, I'll be right down. Bye.

There's been a b*mb
thr*at down at the center.

I gotta get down there.

Oh, we should hurry.

We?

Yeah, this is the story
I've been waiting for.

This is the story
the peekskill press

Has been waiting for.

This is the silence
I've been waiting for.

Come on, we'll take the car.

Wait a minute, who's
gonna take care of bailey?

Me? What about beverly ann?

She may have the measles.

Pippa?

See beverly ann's excuse.

Has malaria been taken?

Look, all you have to
do is take bailey down

To the rialto theater
in half an hour

For the clown cartoon show.

Reinforcements will be here

When you get back.

Say ok. Ok.

Great, see you
later. Come on, nat.

Bye, bailey.

Hello. Noreen?

This is beverly ann.

Frank's ex.

Is frank there? I just want...

Oh, he's not.

Well, could he please
call me when he gets in?

Well, I think I might have
had a certain disease,

And i... What? Frank?

Frank, is that you?

I thought you weren't home.

Measles! What did she
think I was talking about?

That is disgusting!

Do you remember if I
ever had the measles?

Good... Oh, great! Thank you!

Thank you!

Hi!

Beverly ann: oh, hi, tootie.

Good news! I've had the measles!

Oh! Beverly ann!

That's wonderful!

Oh! I'm so relieved!

Yes, I am, too.

Hi, guys.

Andy! Oh, darling, how are you?!

Fine.

Well! Did you have
fun, sweetheart?

Well, I'm glad to hear that.

Well, come on, bailey.
Let's get you changed.

What's wrong with this picture?

Andy, you brought
back the wrong kid!

I'm gonna call
the movie theater.

Andy, how could you lose bailey?

Now hold on.

Let's not jump to
any conclusions here.

Are you sure this isn't her?

That's not the same child
you took to the movies!

All I got was a recording.

Andy: there must have
been some sort of mix-up.

This is probably the
worst moment in my life.

I'm back!

Make that the second worst.

On the way home, I stopped off

And got bailey a little present:

Gold coins, her favorite.

I can't wait to see her face.

Neither can we.

Well, hi, little girl.

Don't you look cute?

Did bailey make a
friend at the movies?

Uh... Not exactly.

Where is she?

Well, you see, jo...

Jo had an emergency
down at the center,

So I took bailey to the movies.

Only when I had come
home, I discovered

I'd brought back
this kid accidentally.

Andy, I'm going to ask
you this question calmly.

Do you prefer an open casket?

Blair... You have every
right to be angry,

But... But, try
not to overreact.

I'm not overreacting.
This is overreacting.

Where is my sister?!

Let's try not to
upset the child.

What's your name, little girl?

¿Que?

Kay.

Well, hello, kay.
I'm beverly ann.

And what's your last name?

¿Como?

Kay como, aw...

What a pretty name.

But why don't we
go in the kitchen

And look up the comos
in the telephone book?

Ah, we better call the police.

Blair, wait, they'll want

As much information as possible.

All right.

Ah, andy, let's retrace
your steps from the moment

You left the house.

Okay, we took the bus downtown

To the movie theater,

And then we went to
the refreshment counter

And bought two candy
bars and a bag of licorice.

Why did you give
her all that candy?

She was buying!

Andy...

Look, she held my
hand the whole time.

We watched the movie and
then we came right home.

You didn't stop off anywhere?

No! Wait, the only
place we stopped

Was for her to
go to the bathroom

Before we left
the movie theater.

So you took her into
the men's room with you.

No, she had to go, not me.

So you went in to the
ladies' room with her?

No way!

I sent her in by herself

And I waited for her to come...

That's where you
picked up kay komo.

I couldn't help it.

They were all
wearing clown outfits,

Even some of the parents

Now we call the police.

Are you sure it's ok?

The b*mb squad checked it out,

And they said it was
definitely a prank caller.

Right, you go first.

Boom! Oh! Cut that out!

Oh... Just my luck.

I'm desperate for a big story,

And my b*mb thr*at
turns out to be a phony.

You just can't trust
people anymore.

Hi, mark, it's me.

Get ready to copy
for the morning edition.

There was a b*mb scare at the
hudson valley community center.

There was no b*mb,
nobody was hurt,

Everybody's fine.

That's about it.

¡Mi niña esta perdida!

Esta no es mi hija.

Wait a minute. Calm down.

Yeah, I'll keep trying.

Do you speak english?

¡Por favor, ayudeme
a encontrar a mi hija!

Let me try this again.

[Loudly] do you speak english?

[Loudly] ¡por favor...

Ayudeme a encontrar a me hija!

This isn't going well.

Nat, you worked at
somre sombreros,

How's your spanish?

It gets a little fuzzy after,

"Do you want refried
beans with your taco?"

But I'll give it a sh*t.

[Speaking in spanish]

[Speaking in spanish]

Uh-huh.

[Speaking in spanish]

Uh-huh.

Well, what's she saying?

I haven't the slightest idea.

You're a real lifesaver, nat.

Look, why don't we
just take this lady

And her kid down to the police?

Si, si, la policia.

Right. Hi there!

Oh, I bet you went to the
cartoon show today, huh?

What do you say
we take a nice ride

And we go someplace

That'll give you a big
ice cream cone, huh?

Sure, auntie jo.

Bailey! Bailey!

How did you end up with bailey?

Where'd you find her?

You don't understand
a word I'm saying.

Look, I'm gonna call the house.

They must be going crazy.

Okay.

Oh, I'm gonna k*ll andy.

I take responsibility
for something,

And he screws it up.

It's busy.

Let's just go down
to the police station,

Then we'll take bailey home.

Anyway, sergeant,

You have to do something
to find my sister.

No! We want every available
man out looking for bailey!

We'll bring kay como to you.

Thanks.

Let's go.

Blair, blair, wait a minute now.

You're too upset to drive.

I'll take you and the little
girl down to the station.

Beverly ann, you and
andy go back to the rialto

And see if anyone
knows anything.

And andy, don't bring home a
different short-haired woman.

Crikey, what a kafafal!

What can I do?

Stay by the phone,
and if anybody calls,

Try to speak english.

[Doorbell rings]

Any news?

Oh!

Mrs. Warner, it's you!

May I come in?

Uh, why don't I come out?

Ha ha. If you don't mind...

Is blair here?

What do you mean by here?

Is she in the house?

This house?

No, the white house!

Is bailey with her?

Well, she's never
been against her.

Pippa, something's wrong.

Now what is it?

Well, you see, bailey
is... [Door opens]

Oh, right here
with jo and natalie!

Bailey, darling!

Oh!

Did you miss me?

Si.

Where's blair?

Uh... Uh, well,
um... Where's blair?

Okay, no, don't ask her.
We'll just run along.

I'll call blair later.
And thank you, all of you,

For taking such
good care of bailey.

They losted me.

Lost you?

Nat and jo: ha ha ha!

Oh, what an imagination.

All right. I'm not leaving

Until you tell me
what's going on.

The truth is, monica,

We don't know the truth.

Nat and I sort of just ran
into bailey down at the center.

But I'm sure blair

Has a logical explanation.

You know how good she is

At giving out
excus... Ha ha ha ha!

Oh, gosh, you know,

I'm sure blair will
be back any minute.

Why don't we take
bailey upstairs

And we'll get her
out of the costume?

Fine, mommy'll wait right
here for you, sweetheart.

You go with auntie
jo and auntie nat.

They losted me.

She knows.

Well! Start in the
cars! It's tea time.

I'll put the kettle on.

Mother.

Hello, blair. Tootie.

Monica.

What a pleasant surprise.

Why? Didn't you expect me back?

Uh... Ha ha, well,
of course we did.

Ha ha ha!

I'll put some tea on.

Tea's very big
around here, isn't it?

Mother...

This is the hardest
thing I've ever had to say.

Bailey's missing.

We're trying everything
we can to find her,

But right now, we
don't know where she is.

Blair, how could this happen?

Natalie and joe
were supposed to...

Andy took her to...

It's my fault. Nobody else's.

I had the responsibility,
and I blew it.

I see...

This law firm in town
was giving a party,

And it was very
important that I go.

At least, I thought so.

Now I realize nothing
is more important

Than taking care of bailey.

That's right.

I'm sorry, mother.

[Tearfully] I'm so sorry.

Hi, blair.

Hi, bailey.

Bailey!

Bailey!

You were here all...
You were here all along?

You knew this, and you
let me go through all that?

Oh, forgive me, darling.

It was just so refreshing

To see you being so
honest with yourself.

And I'm glad you
learned something today.

I know I did. I'm not
gonna have my kids

Till they're 18.

Raising children
is a responsibility,

But when you see
your little girl

All grown up before you,

Believe me, it's worth it.

Bailey! Oh, bailey, you're home!

Pretty ring.

Oh, thank you!

[All squealing]

Nat: oh, it's beautiful!

We found bailey!
We found bailey!

[♪♪♪]