09x10 - It's a Wonderful Christmas

[bunniefuu]

♪ You take the good
you take the bad ♪

♪ You take 'em both
and there you have ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ There's a time you
gotta go and show ♪

♪ You're growin'
now you know about ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be livin' up
to your dreams ♪

♪ And suddenly
you're findin' out ♪

♪ The facts of life
are all about you ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ It takes a lot
to get 'em right ♪

♪ When you're learnin'
the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

How could I forget
that christmas, marjorie...

Eight of us piled into
that rented sleigh,

Riding all over appleton?

Remember how cold we were?

Only frank was a lot colder,

'Cause he was
pulling the sleigh!

Ha ha ha!

Oh, ha ha ha.

[Garbled] finger!

"Vinegar?"

Finger!

Oh!

You want my finger.

No, not you, marjorie.

What?

No! Oh.

Fly to appleton over christmas?

Oh, well, sure, it would be fun,

But i... I'd like to
stay around here.

Well, there's so much to do...

Cooking, baking, decorating.

[Crash]

Repairing.

It's ok, you guys.

I was trying to fix the
stupid christmas lights

And I knocked the ladder over

And the three wise
men went flying.

It's ok, though. Mother
and child are doing fine.

No, it's all right, marjorie.

Andy's just
redecorating the manger.

Oh, beverly ann, please,
I need to use the phone.

I have to call my
broker immediately.

Just a second.

Marjorie, it's really sweet
of you to invite me to appleton.

Why don't I call you
tomorrow and let you know?

Oh, you've got a new number?

Beverly ann: oh, well,
let me jot it down.

Natalie, do you have a pencil?

What do I look like,
a swiss army Kn*fe?

Here. Please, hurry.

Ok, sh**t.

Area code 414...
Beverly ann, please!

Marjorie, I have to go.

Why don't you call me
tomorrow and I'll let you know?

Ok. Merry christmas to you, too.

Oh, oh! And merry
christmas to your mother!

All right.

Enough merry christmases.

Bye.

Thank you. Sorry.

The lights just came on, andy.

They just went off in here.

Hey, hey, what's going
on with the power?

Bing crosby's having a
white christma... A... A... S.

Andy: don't worry about
it. We're working on it.

Hello. May I speak
to mr. Wilson, please?

He just left for the day. Great.

Is there anyone
else who can help me?

Thank you.

I just missed making
an absolute fortune

By two minutes.

I'm sorry, blair.

If it'll make you
feel any better,

You don't have to buy
me a christmas present.

Fair enough.
Just kidding. Ha ha.

Hey, beverly ann, are
you going back to appleton

For christmas?

Well, marjorie
is my best friend,

But I sure don't want to miss

Being with all you
guys at christmas.

Well, I won't be here.

I'm going to florida

To introduce my family to snake.

I just hope my grandmother

Doesn't call him schnook.

Well, still, I couldn't
go gallivanting off

And leave the rest of you
girls alone on christmas.

Oh, really, beverly
ann, it's fine.

Tootie and I are going to
go home and visit our folks.

Oh, my goodness.
Look at the time.

I have to go to
the jewelry store

And pick up snake's present.

I got him a new watch band...

Snakeskin, but
they're not related.

Natalie, it's cold out.

You better put on your coat.

Oh, this sweater will be fine.

Besides, I ripped the arm
on my coat this morning.

It's fine now.

I saw it hanging in the closet

And I mended it for you.

Listen, I really have to go.

Well... No, I got
to race, really.

Oh.

Get away! Whew!

Oh, beverly ann, I can't
believe it's snowing.

Down under it's hot
as hades right now.

That's right. Your
first christmas here.

Oh, you know,

I was thinking of flying to
appleton for the holidays,

But I'm definitely
going to stay here

And share it with you.

Oh, no worries.

I forgot to tell you.

My old man sent me a
ticket to come back home.

It's going to be a real rage.

I hope it doesn't
mess up your plans.

Oh, no, no.

Not really.

Well, what do you say, andy?

How'd you like to fly to
appleton for christmas

And see the actual street

Where your mother was gouda
queen in the cheese parade?

Don't you remember?

Jeremy's parents
invited me to go with them

Skiing in vermont.

You said we'd
talk about it later.

Can't you go without me?

We'll talk about it later.

[Crash]

What in the world could that be?

You're both in here.

Tootie, are you ok?

Oh, my makeup case popped open.

This always happens
when I'm in a hurry.

Looks like someone
mugged the avon lady.

Hey, tootie, mind if I check
out your fashion mag?

Oh, sure. Go right ahead.

The one day that
I can't be late.

Jeff and his parents
are coming to see me

In the play today.

Now, tootie, I know
you're nervous,

But try to calm down.

I am calm.

I'm real calm.

Oh!

Has anybody ever seen
a calm woman scream?

Take it easy.

I have just the
thing you can use.

A casper the friendly
ghost lunchpail?

Wait a minute. That's mine!

Uh, from many, many
years ago, of course.

I'm not walking into the theater

With a kiddie lunchbox.

This will work perfectly.

It has a very strong latch.

All right.

I'll tell everybody
I got it in soho.

Say, bev...

Do you reckon I'd
be more popular

If I tried out this
new punk look?

Hmm. I really don't think
this freaky look is you.

Or anybody else in
this solar system.

I'm off.

Hey, break a leg.

Oh, with my luck,
I probably will.

Hee hee.

You know, jo...

I was thinking of flying
to appleton for christmas,

But if you're going to be here,

You and I can hang out together.

Oh, no, go. Have a great time.

I'm going to go visit my mom,

And then my dad an I are going
to spend some time together.

You know, going to the fights,

The track, the hockey games.

All that usual
father/daughter stuff.

Well, that's nice.

I got to get this stuff
down to the center.

Oh, wait a minute, jo!

You're not taking your
motorcycle tonight.

It's snowing.

No problem. I've
driven in worse.

Now, jo, you can't always
see those icy patches.

How about if I drive
you to the center?

I have some last
minute shopping to do.

I can handle it, really.

I insist.

Come on, pippa. I'll show
you how to make a snowman.

A snow woman.

Guess you won't
need the carrot then.

Whoo!

There.

You know, as long as I'm here,

I could stay and help you.

Well, we were thinking
of putting on a new roof.

Did you bring your shingles?

Well, I just thought I
could give you a hand

With the christmas party.

Well, there's nothing to
do. Everything's been done.

Look, I got to go.

I got to pick up the
kids at the orphanage.

Hey, about appleton, just
go and have a great time.

Sure. I'll probably
have a whole lot of

New stories to tell
you when I get back.

Can't wait.

Beverly ann: good.

Uh, look, uh, just lock the
door when you leave, ok?

Well, I guess
they don't need me.

[Sniffles]

Guess nobody needs me.

Man: I could use a hand.

Would you, uh, mind,
tossing up that silver star

On the table there?

My knees aren't
what they used to be.

I didn't see you.

Were you here all the time?

Uh-huh. You know,

You don't look very happy
considering it's the holidays.

Why don't you perk yourself up

By telling santa what
you'd like for christmas.

Oh.

I suppose you'd like me
to sit on your lap, too?

No, thank you.

The missus gets mad
when they're over 12.

Now, come on. Out with it.

Why are you so, uh,
down in the dumps?

Oh, I guess I'm just not
feeling appreciated.

That's a bummer.

Wish I'd never
come to peekskill.

You don't mean that.

Yes, I do.

It wouldn't have made a
bit of difference to anybody

If I'd stayed in appleton.

Reindeer dribble.

Why, if you hadn't come,

It'd have made a big difference.

They would have been better off.

Oh, you think so, huh?

Well, let's just take a look.

Ohh! Oh!

Oh!

Well, how did we get here?

How did we get here so fast?

How else? We
made all the lights.

Did I bump my head?

Am I having an out
of body experience?

What's going on here?

Where are the stockings
that I made everyone?

Hey! Who moved my piano?

There is no piano.

Blair! Tootie! Natalie!

Where is everybody?

Andy?!

Pippa!

Don't you get it?

You got your wish.

You never came to peekskill.

Of course, I did.

I drove here in my winnebago.

[Telephone rings]

Oh.

Don't answer that.

It's for blair.

[Ring]

Hello.

Mr. Wilson.

You closed it?

100,000 Shares?

Wonderful!

When I make my millions,

You're going to be driving
around in a new rolls.

Not yours, mine.

Thanks.

Blair!

Who are you and
what do you want?

Blair, it's me... Beverly ann.

Beverly ann, beverly ann who?

I don't know any beverly ann.

You see you never
came to peekskill.

Oh! Keep out of this.

I will not. This is my home.

Did you just wander in here?

Santa brought me!

[Whining] I wanted a sweater!

Would you please tell
her what's going on?

No one can see me
or hear me except you.

What kind of system is that?

Who are you talking to?

Santa claus.

Only he says you can't see him.

Ohh!

Well, let's just have a party.

I'll call my friend
the easter bunny.

I have his private
number... 911.

Blair, I'm edna
garrett's sister.

She must've mentioned me.

I vaguely remember
her mentioning someone

She was close to as a child.

Is your name spot?

I'm beverly ann stickle.

I know all about
you and the girls.

I know you go to law school.

I know the men you date.

I even know your
real hair color.

Ok. How much do you want?

You won't believe
what happened to me.

Tootie!

I beg your pardon?

She says she's mrs.
Garrett's sister.

Humor her.

She knows things.

Tootie, don't you recognize me?

Oh, ha ha, sure.

It's been a long
time, hasn't it?

You'll have to excuse
me. My whole life is ruined.

I was in the lobby with
jeff and his parents

And my makeup case fell open

And my nail polish splattered

All over his mother's
brand new suede shoes.

That is awful.

I know.

Wearing suede in the afternoon.

Anyway she screamed
at me, I screamed back,

And then jeff
screamed at both of us.

Next thing I knew,
we were having a fight

And he called off
our engagement.

Why didn't you use
casper the friendly ghost?

Who is this woman?

I don't know, but if you
had a haircut like that,

You would act strange, too.

But I gave her andy's lunchpail!

Read my lips.

You weren't here.

Oh! Tootie, you can
still straighten this out.

Go talk to jeff!

This woman's got to go.

Don't listen to her.

Tootie, young tootie,
men are like tissues.

We use them...

And we toss them away.

And wait.

There's another one
waiting to take its place.

Now, you two go out
and have some fun.

What kind of advice is that?

Sounds good to me.

Maybe jo can talk
some sense into her.

Oh! I wish I could get
back to the center.

Did you say wish?

Unh!

Stop doing that.

I hate heights!

Oh, sorry.

The aim is the
second thing to go.

Oh!

That's better.

Where's jo?

Jo will know me for sure.

Oh, jo isn't here.

How would you like
to talk to natalie?

Natalie?

Where's natalie?

She'll be here in five seconds.

Four, three... [Door
opens and closes]

Eh, crummy watch.

Natalie!

Just a minute. Oh, busy!

Story of a lifetime

And they're jabbering
on the phone.

I won't be able to
scoop the other papers

And how'd you know my name?

Don't you recognize me?

No.

In that case, I'm
christie brinkley.

Boy, the things they
can do with an airbrush.

Unh! It's still busy.

Who are you trying to reach?

My editor. I was practically

An eyewitness to a holdup.

There I was walking into
capra's jewelry store,

When all of a sudden, this man
and woman come tearing out.

They run right past me, their
hands dripping with diamonds.

They were robbing the store!

No, they were
preferred customers.

There she is.

Officers, am I glad to see you.

This young woman was
just over at capra's...

We know.

Mr. Morgan, I finally
got the big one!

You're under arrest.

What?

"You have the right
to remain silent,

"Refuse to answer any questions.

Anything you do say may be used
against you in a court of law."

What is going on?

A woman and her accomplice

Just held up capra's
jewelry store.

I know! She had brown hair!

Just like mine. And she was
wearing a green sweater.

Just like mine, and,
boy, am I in trouble.

But they couldn't have
seen your green sweater.

No, because she was wearing
the coat that I mended for her.

She wasn't wearing any coat.

You weren't here
to darn it. Darn it.

Ho ho ho! I am jolly, aren't i?

Listen, I'm a reporter.

I saw the robbery.

I came over here to
phone in the story.

I can vouch for her, officer.

Yeah? And who are you?

I'm beverly ann stickle,

But I told her I was
christie brinkley.

But actually, I live with her.

Only she doesn't know that,

Because I never
came to peekskill

Because santa here
granted my wish.

And you can't see him.

Take me.

Oh!

I have to talk to blair again.

She has to make natalie's bail.

Step on it, fatso.

I'm not fat. It's
just the shirt.

Ugh!

How about that?

A perfect landing.

I'll write you a letter
of recommendation.

[Beeper]

Uh-oh.

I got to report in.

You get an 800 number,
they never leave you alone.

Blair?

Oh!

Who are you?

Who am i? Who are you?

I'm "pippa."

Pippa?!

What happened to your hair?

Well, I dyed the
right side yellow

And the left side pink.

Then I gelled it in the middle

To make it look more... Natural.

They let you go to
school like that?

Oh! No time for school.

But the only reason
I let you stay with us

Was so you could
get an education.

Don't say it. I wasn't here.

And now you're not here.

And they call me weird.

Don't those safety
pins hurt your ear?

These feel fine.

It's the ones in
the other places

That sting a bit.

Well, I'm off to veg out
with some headbangers.

Do you want to come along?

Oh, no, thank you.

No worries. Ooh roo.

Oh, blair, good.

I have to talk to you.

I don't care if you are
mrs. Garrett's sister.

You can't just barge
in here any time you like.

I'm terribly sorry,
but this was urgent.

Natalie's in jail.

Well, at least she knows where
her next meal is coming from.

What are you talking about?

The bottom just
fell out of my stock.

I'm broke.

This is going to make it
very difficult to be rich.

Do you mean you can't
afford the necessities of life,

Like food, rent, bail?

Oh, yeah, natalie.
No, of course.

I'm sure I can write a
check and spring her.

It'll take a while
before it bounces.

You'd risk going
to jail for natalie?

She is one of my best friends

And I've known her
since high school and...

No.

Then I'd better get to
the center and talk to jo.

Yo, chimney breath!

Can you take me back
to the center? Quick!

Does rudolph have a red nose?

Oh, dear.

I lost my money and my marbles

All in the same day.

Oh! Oh!

If I do this enough times,

Do I get a free trip to europe?

Free trip to europe?

Who do you think
I am, santa claus?

Oh, I am.

Ohh, the children are here.

Great. That means
jo must be with them.

Stop it! Stop it!
Leave me alone!

Here. Pick on
someone your own sex.

Are you all right?

Oh, andy!

What are you doing here? Oh.

They're giving us
orphans a party.

How come you know my name?

Andy... You're my son.

I adopted you.

Lady, if someone had adopted me,

I wouldn't still be living
at that crummy orphanage

Trying to convince
childless couples I'm only 6.

This is cruel.

What kind of santa
are you anyway?

Well, I get a lot of fan mail.

Go read it.

Andy, where is jo?

I don't know.

She was supposed
to come pick us up,

But she never showed.
We had to walk over.

I got frostbite to prove it.

But I know she
came to pick you up.

She took the van.

No, beverly ann, jo
didn't take the van.

See? Look.

The keys are still there.

Hmm.

Jo never made it to the
center in the first place.

Oh, this is ridiculous.
I drove her myself.

Did you?

Andy, oh, andy, it was awful.

I was on my way over here

And I passed by the accident.

The motorcycle
was all smashed up.

She must've skidded on some ice.

Oh, no, no, no.

They don't mean... Jo's gone.

Oh, n... No, no, it can't be!

Yes, it can.

Blair's a pauper, tootie
and jeff have broken up.

Natalie's in jail.
You lost your son.

Ohh! And now jo.

No! [Crying]

All because you never
came to peekskill.

Stop it! I want
it the way it was.

I came to peekskill.

I made a difference!

I did!

[Sobbing]

Oh, jo! Oh, jo.

All right. Yes, you did.

Everyone makes a difference.

Oh, jo.

All right, guys.

Presents under the
tree for everybody,

Whether you want 'em or not.

Jo!

Jo!

Are you still here?

I... I think so.

Great! I can use the help.

Ohh! Ugh!

Oh!

What's the matter?

Haven't you ever seen
anyone hang up keys before?

It's a long story.

And you don't want to tell it?

All: merry christmas!

Oh, natalie! You're out of jail!

Ohh!

Has she been drinking
eggnog without the egg?

And pippa! What
happened to your hair?

Nothing.

Oh! Thank goodness.

I'm back!

Tootie, I'm back!

Where were you?

Just tell me that
jeff's parents loved you

And you're still engaged.

Jeff's parents loved
me and I'm still engaged.

Ohh!

And, andy, you're
not being abused

By a young girl.

There's always tomorrow.

Ok, you little poor children,

Here are your presents.

Merry christmas!

Blair, it's so good to see
you flaunting your wealth.

Well, I figured
it's christmas, so...

Why not help those
less fortunate?

Which is just about everybody.

Beverly ann, look.
It's snowing again.

Wahoo! My first white christmas.

Yeah. It's really
coming down out there.

I'm sure glad you didn't
let me take my bike tonight.

Me, too.

You know, beverly ann, you're
always doing nice things for us,

And maybe we don't
always tell you.

Christmas seems like
a nice time to tell you.

So I told you.

Thank you. [Sniffling]

And you know, I don't
always say enough.

Yes, you do.

Beverly ann, I think I will
go with you to appleton.

After all, it is our first
christmas together.

Ohh! How nice. Ohh.

Then we'll all be
spending the holidays

With our families.

♪ Silent night ♪

♪ Holy night ♪

♪ All is calm ♪

♪ All is bright ♪

Jo, where's that
santa you hired?

I never hired any santa.

You didn't? Oh.

♪ Holy infant so
tender and mild ♪

♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪

♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪

♪ Silent night ♪

♪ Holy night ♪

[♪♪♪]