09x12 - A Thousand Frowns

[bunniefuu]

♪ You take the good
you take the bad ♪

♪ You take 'em both
and there you have ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ There's a time you
gotta go and show ♪

♪ You're growin'
now you know about ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be livin' up
to your dreams ♪

♪ And suddenly
you're findin' out ♪

♪ The facts of life
are all about you ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ It takes a lot
to get 'em right ♪

♪ When you're learnin'
the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

Morning, pippa.

Morning, tootie.

Oh! Maybe you can help me.

They have so many afterschool
activities at eastland.

I just don't know
which one to pick.

Oh, you definitely have
to join the drama league.

They put on plays and
give theater parties.

When I was in it, I had a ball.

That sounds great,
but I was thinking

Of having a cr*ck at a sport.

Well, it can still work out.

Look. You join drama league,

Which meets on
mondays and wednesdays,

And then you can join swim club,

Which meets on
tuesdays and thursdays,

And you can go to friday
night theater parties,

And your hair won't be wet.

Now remember,
acting and swimming.

Right. See you later.

Hey, tootie. Hi.

I'm gonna stop
going to that market.

They moved all my favorite
magazines behind the counter.

Tootie: bye.

Hey, mom.

Hi, andy.

You bought shaving
cream and a razor.

When did you start shaving?

Ah, I let it go as
long as I could.

Andy, razors are
extremely sharp.

Has anyone ever showed
you how to use this?

Oh, I figured I'd wing it.

You better let me show you.

I used to watch
frank in the morning.

First he'd lather up.

Then he'd pick up his razor

And make the strangest
faces you ever saw.

As I recall, it was
up under the chin.

Then down on the cheek.

Beverly ann, I have
one word for you...

Electrolysis.

She's teaching me how to shave.

Great. That ought
to come in handy

A couple years from now.

Wouldn't you rather
just use my lint brush?

That's life being the only
man in the house full of women.

Every morning, hacking your
way through the pantyhose jungle

To take a shower.

Always having to remember
to put the toilet seat down.

You guys can talk to each
other about girl stuff.

Who am I supposed to
talk to about guy stuff?

You know, he has a point.

He never really had a father,

And now, with 6
women in the house,

It's a wonder his voice is
changing in the right direction.

Look, why don't I just take andy

Down to the center with me?

I'm sure casey will be
glad to pal around with him.

He's good at that.

Maybe he can teach
him how to shave

Without using a spatula.

Oh, good old
extracurricular activities.

What'd you pick?

Well, I'm all settled on
drama league and swim club.

Wrong. Wrong?

There are no boys in either
one of those activities.

I'm new around
here, but isn't that

Because it's an
all-girls school?

That's why you have to
work on the school paper.

The bugle covers all
major sporting events

For bates m*llitary academy.

You get to interview
the football players,

The basketball players.

That's what you did, huh?

It's where I developed my
passion for journalism...

And tall men.

I wouldn't mind having
my passions developed.

Then you have got to
join the bowling team.

Could you hang out for a
second? I'll be right back.

Sure.

Hi, casey. I need a favor.

Yeah, so do i.

k*ll blair warner.

That wouldn't be a favor.

That would be a public service.

She calls a budget meeting
for 10:00 this morning.

At the tone, it will be 12:35,

And our lady of the shelter

Is still at the beauty parlor.

Give her a break. It takes time

To have your brain
washed and set.

So what's up?

Actually, I need to
talk to you about andy.

Oh, hey, hi, jo.

Hi, rick.

Casey, what do you
say? A little 2-on-2?

Hey, not this time, pal.

Oh, come on. So
we lost yesterday.

We can make a comeback.

Rick, we got shut out
by jo and a 6-year-old.

Oh, in that case,
how about some pool?

Ah, in a minute, ok?
We're talking here.

Oh, I'm sorry, guys.

Excuse me.

They cannot be
disturbed right now.

And just who are you?

Oh, I'm rick bonner,
and I hang out here.

How about you?

Well, I'm blair
warner, and I own here.

And I can disturb anyone

Just about anytime I please.

Ha. I bet you're
very good at it.

I'm here.

You're late.

Jo, I really don't
have enough time.

You know, andy's a good kid.

He deserves somebody
who's more available.

And more fun.

Oh, I can be fun. Heh.

I've been fun for
the last 2 1/2 hours.

Heh heh. You just missed it.

What do you think about rick

As a big brother type for andy?

He's a nice guy. Loves kids.

I don't like him at all.

It's good enough for me.

Well, what do you say
we get down to business?

Well, it is my lunch hour.

Oh, great. I'll
just go with you,

And we can talk while you eat.

Oh, great. I need to
lose a little weight.

So, anyway, I
thought you two men

Might like to knock
a few balls around.

I'm not very good at this.

Ah, but you will be. Watch.

First, you make a bridge
with your fingers like this.

Go ahead, follow me. Ok.

G'day, tootie.

Hey, pippa. Oh, how
did drama league go?

Bonzer.

Bonzer?

That either means fantastic

Or "get out of my face."

It means fantastic.

Oh, and they ok'd me
for the swim club, too.

Thanks, mate.

Hey, anytime.

Always glad to help.

Pippa: I know.

Jo says you're
always giving advice

And you're a real buttinsky.

Did she now?

I'll have to thank her later.

Hey, pip. Oh, hi, nat.

Um, thanks for suggesting
the school paper,

And I think bowling's
gonna be a real rage.

Oh, really? Oh,
come to the garage.

I'll give you my
lucky bowling ball.

I dropped it on this guy's
foot, and he asked me out.

[Doorbell rings]

Hi.

Can andy come out and play?

Tell me you're just
big for your age.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Hey, rick. What
are you doing here?

Oh, hi. Stopped by to see

If andy wanted to go
to a basketball game.

I'm rick bonner.

I'm a friend of andy's
from the center.

Oh, won't you come in?

Andy told me what a
great time he had yesterday.

Hey, rick!

Andy! Heh heh.

Have you been
shaving again, andy?

Uh, well, rick tells me

You got to stay on top of
that old 5 o'clock shadow.

Might be easier next time

If you just stuck
your face in a blender.

Well, you know, once a
day is probably enough, kid.

Heh heh. Listen, how'd
you like to go watch

Peekskill high get
trounced this afternoon?

Oh, great. And then
maybe tomorrow

We can go to the aquarium?

Andy, uh, that sounds nice,

But I'm sure rick has to
go to work tomorrow.

Nope.

Oh, you're on vacation?

From what?

Whatever it is you do.

I don't do anything.

Oh, I used to work,

But I found it got in
the way of my free time.

I found that not working
gets in the way of my eating.

Well, nice to meet
you, beverly ann.

Listen, we'll be back sometime.

Andy's passport
is in order, right?

Just kidding.

See you later, mom.

Hey, rick, where do
you go to meet girls?

Is that all you ever
think about is girls?

Me, too.

Well, thanks for the movies.

Hey, no thanks necessary.

We finished dinner, and we're
still talking about business,

So I figured, you
know, we may as well

Just talk about
business at the movies.

I love those old
tracy-hepburn films.

Yeah, me, too.

[Laughter]

It's funny, you know,
even when they're arguing,

You can still tell what
they really want to be doing

Is making love.

Well, um, good night.

Uh, heh heh. Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Hi. Jo!

Jo.

Oh, casey and I were
just saying good night.

Heh heh heh heh heh.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Well, I'll, uh, be seeing
you around the center.

Right.

Well, I'll be seeing you
around the center, too.

Great. Heh.

We'll all be seeing each
other around the center.

Heh heh heh heh.

Good night.

Tell me something.

Do you know that when you
shake hands your lips pucker?

Beverly ann: andy, is that you?

No, it's just us.

I don't think rick has
brought andy home yet.

It's midnight.

I knew I shouldn't have let andy

Go out at night with
someone that irresponsible.

Oh, beverly ann, relax.

Rick and andy have been
out every night this week,

And this is the first
time they've been late.

Oh, I think rick's been a
great influence on andy.

I mean, he taught
him how to fix his bike,

He taught him how
to build a telescope,

Taught him how to shave
without becoming a blood donor.

Oh, yes! What a great
hockey game! Oh!

Young man, do you
know what time it is?

Yeah, I know it's late,

But rick took me
to this terrific bar

Where all the players
hang out after the game.

Whoa! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Well, we don't want anybody
to get the wrong idea here.

You had a soft
drink at that bar.

And just what did you have?

I think it was a whiskey
up with a beer chaser.

Sure, your basic
before-driving drink.

Oh, come on. You think I'm the
kind of guy to drink and drive?

I drove...

Andrew, I want you to
go to bed immediately.

We'll discuss this
in the morning.

Yes, ma'am.

Rick, thanks for
taking me to the game.

I had a great time. I'll see
you tomorrow at the center.

All right, champ.

Great kid.

Just what do you
think you're doing?

Letting a 14-year-old
boy drive a car?

I watched him like a
hawk the whole time.

I was just letting the
kid have a little fun.

Oh, hey, why not let
him have a lot of fun?

Just give him the
keys to a jumbo jet.

Ok, I'm sorry. Maybe it
wasn't the smartest thing

For me to let him do.

Rick, I was hoping andy could
have a man to... To admire,

But look at you. You
have no job, no ambition.

You treat life as though it were
your own personal playground.

You gotta live for today.

Tomorrow may never come.

I... I don't see how you
can have that attitude.

Well, it's easy.

I've only got two weeks to live.

Two weeks to live?

I don't understand.

You seem so alive.

Look, this is... Something

That I have come to
terms with, and accepted.

And I will be fine.

Well, until I die, of course.

Come on, you can't give up hope.

I mean, with all the
advances in medical sciences,

They can find a
cure tomorrow for...

For... What did you say
you were dying from?

I don't know.

You don't know?

Sort of makes finding a
cure difficult, doesn't it?

Teensy question, but...

If you don't know
what you've got,

How do you know you're dying?

Well, it's simple.

My 30th birthday is a
week from thursday,

And no male member of my family

Has ever made it
to his 30th birthday.

It's, uh, sort of a
family tradition.

Couldn't you just have
thanksgiving together

Like everybody else?

Look, do you think I
believed this at first?

I said to myself, come
on, you got a great career

As a concert
pianist ahead of you.

You're not gonna let a silly
superstition get in the way.

You were a concert pianist?

Yeah. What's wrong with that?

On a regular-sized piano?

What difference does it make?

One by one, they've
all dropped like flies.

Grandpa, food poisoning.

Dad, heart att*ck.

Uncle fred, bizarre
hide-a-bed accident.

Not to mention all
of my late cousins,

And all before they were 30.

I'd say it's more
than a coincidence.

Rick... I'm sorry
about your family.

If you want to mess
up your own life,

That's your business.

But I'm not gonna let
you mess up andy's.

Ok.

All right, tell andy I said
good-bye for me, will you?

You got a great kid there.

I know.

Take care of yourself, jo.

Yeah. You take care
of yourself, too.

Ha ha ha!

Oh, yeah.

All right, what's so funny?

Oh, laurel and hardy.

Abbott and costello.

You and blair.

And what's so funny about us?

Separately? Nothing.

Together? [Snickers] everything.

[Ice cream man jingle outside]

Hi, casey.

Hi, blair.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Hey, ice cream for
everybody. Go ahead.

Freeze!

It's deductible.

Enjoy.

Don't forget
napkins and a receipt.

I love children.

Blair warner, earth mother.

Uh, speaking of children,

How are rick and andy doing?

The andy part is fine.

The rick part leaves
a lot to be desired.

Why? What's the matter?

Oh, he claims that some
sort of jinx in his family

That no male member has
made it to his 30th birthday.

Don't worry, I
already chewed him out

For believing that junk.

Whoa. That is so stupid.

Tell me about it.

No, not him, you.

Me?

You're supposed to be a
trained social worker?

You handled that
like a trained seal.

Casey, what are you so mad at?

Rick is not gonna die.

Hey, jo, I have
read case histories

Where people have
literally talked themselves

Into the grave.

The power of auto-suggestion?

Exactly.

Look, if rick really believes
he's gonna check out,

It just might happen.

[Door opens]

Hey, guys, is rick here?

Uh...

Didn't beverly ann talk
to you this morning?

Oh, I didn't see her.
I had to leave early

'Cause I had band practice.

Um, why don't we play some pool?

Ok.

What's going on?

I'd like to talk
to you about rick.

He's so cool.

He's the first guy I've ever met

Who could actually get
algebra to make sense to me.

Well, that's great, but, um...

There's something about
him I think you ought to know.

He thinks he's gonna
die before he's 30.

He's not sick or
anything, is he?

No. It's just that rick
has this weird idea

That because the people
in his family die young,

He will, too.

And casey says that if
you believe something

Strongly enough,
it could actually...

Well, I suppose
it is possible...

Rick could really die.

It's not gonna happen.
He's not gonna die.

You're right.

Rick's not gonna die.

You promise?

Checkmate.

Ok.

Best 13 out of 25.

How's it going? Hey.

Uh, pippa, why aren't
you at bowling practice?

She's not at bowling practice

Because she's at
drama rehearsal.

No, she's not.

Well, actually...
Uh, wait a minute.

Did you bully her
into taking drama?

I did not bully her.

Then why would she take drama

When she could be doing
something interesting,

Like work on a newspaper.

You call working on something

That people wrap
fish in interesting?

Look, you guys... Do you mind?

We're trying to have
a conversation here.

Crikey!

Look, I only pretended
to be interested

In swimming and drama so I
wouldn't hurt tootie's feelings.

It's ok.

I'm sure she'll understand.

But I didn't want to hurt
your feelings either, natalie.

No bowling?

No bugle?

I was gonna try and join
everything you suggested,

Only then I decided
to chuck it all

And join what I
really care about...

The foreign exchange
students club.

You try to help foreigners,

And this is the thanks you get.

Natalie: hi, beverly ann. Hi.

Jo and andy not back yet.

Uh-uh. They're still
out looking for rick.

Andy is not giving up.

He's gonna have to.

Rick turns 30 tomorrow.

Hi, guys. Any luck?

No, no sign of him.

We hit three arcades
and an amusement park.

It's as though he
doesn't want to find us.

Look, andy, it's gonna be ok.

As you yanks like to say,

It's always darkest
before the fat lady sings.

Did you check the...

M-o-r-g-u-e.

Not t-h-e-r-e.

Good. Rick!

Jo and andy have been
looking high and low for you.

I wasn't in either
one of those places.

So what brings you here?

Maybe I was in need of a
friendly face, a warm gesture.

Tomorrow's my birthday.

Chess!

How's the game going?

[Sighs] ok.

So, uh, you still
think you're gonna...

How can I delicately
put this? Croak?

Yes, sometime between
now and midnight.

Don't say that.

Buddy, look...

Look... Man, I just
better go, ok?

No, no! I mean, hey,

You at least deserve
a birthday party.

A party.

Might as well have it today,

'Cause tomorrow you'll be
available for viewing only.

See, now you're
starting to believe it, too.

No, I'm not believing it.

I'm trying to show
you how stupid, dumb,

And knuckleheaded you're being.

Be careful how
you speak to me, jo.

I might come back and haunt you.

You win, rick. You
came the closest.

All right! That was fun.

What time is it?

Who cares?

Aren't you having a good time?

Yes. Tonight...
Tonight's been perfect.

I really can't think
of a better way to go.

Actually, I could, but I don't
see any willing faces around.

I sometimes wonder
what I would do

If I were given a few hours
notice before sudden death.

I know what I'd do.

I'd spend the time with jeff,

On a deserted beach,

Looking out over the
water at a perfect sunset,

And hoping the tide
wasn't coming in.

I think I'd go down to the
peekskill register one last time

And write my obituary.

I don't think anyone
else could do me justice.

What about you, blair?

Oh, that's easy. She'd turn
all her assets into cash

And then roll around
naked in all that money.

Don't be ridiculous.

I do that now.

What would you do?

Oh, you'll laugh.

No, we won't.

If I knew I only had
a little time left,

I'd get my mother and
my father together,

And I'd tell them
how much I love them.

See, I knew you'd laugh.

Well, what about you, jo?

Me? I'm not playing
this stupid game.

Oh, come on, jo.
Be a good sport.

Oh, all right.

I guess I'd probably get
everybody together...

My mom and my dad and you guys,

And... Just be happy
'cause I was with

The people I cared about.

Jo, that is so sweet,

And so unlike you.

Oh, all right,
you can come, too.

You guys got it all wrong.

Why wait until your last day?

I'm gonna start doing
what I want to do right now.

Bravo, andy.

I'm gonna quit wasting my time

Doing stupid stuff like
studying and cleaning my room.

Cancel that "bravo, andy."

It's like rick says,

"Live for today, because
tomorrow may never come."

I said that?

Yeah.

I'm gonna give up
anything serious

And go around having fun.

That's what you did, and I
don't blame you in the least.

[Sighs] well, uh...

Blame me, andy.

Huh?

You made me realize
that I've been a real jerk.

I mean, we're all gonna
buy the farm sometime,

But what kind of
world would this be

If we were all irresponsible

And just ran around having fun?

Rick... Not now, blair.

I'm on a roll.

Andy, I gave up a career
as a concert pianist.

I wasted the last
two years of my life,

And I behaved like a
juvenile delinquent.

Rick... I am talking here.

Listen to me, kid.

Life is not a dress rehearsal.

It is a one and
only performance.

So you live life like
you're gonna live,

Not like you're gonna die.

Rick...

You know, you people
are unbelievably rude.

What is it?

It's after 12:00.

So what?

I made it.

Yeah, you made
it! Happy birthday.

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ Which nobody can deny ♪

♪ Which nobody can deny ♪

♪ Which... ♪
Oh, no.

Hey! Aaaaaaah!

Well, you can't expect a
guy to change overnight.

[♪♪♪]