09x20 - Present Imperfect

[bunniefuu]

♪ You take the good
you take the bad ♪

♪ You take 'em both
and there you have ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ There's a time you
gotta go and show ♪

♪ You're growin'
now you know about ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be livin' up
to your dreams ♪

♪ And suddenly
you're findin' out ♪

♪ The facts of life
are all about you ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ It takes a lot
to get 'em right ♪

♪ When you're learnin'
the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

Hello, hello!

Just put the ones from
bloomingdales on my bed,

The ones from sachs in my closet

And the rest on my desk.

Or right there will be fine.

Pippa, what are you
doing home so early?

You told me you
were going to try out

For the band after school.

Oh, it got axed.

I was walking home
and blair drove by,

And offered me a ride.

They canceled band tryouts?

They canceled the band.

The headmaster said that
eastland is strapped for cash

And can't afford it anymore.

Oh, things are tough all over.

Even I'm cutting back.

Good thing too,

Otherwise pippa would
be in traction right now.

What am I gonna do?

Getting into the
band was my chance

To finally get matey
with the cool kids.

Come on, what are
you talking about?

We're your friends.

And who could be
cooler than me and...

Well, me?

You blokes are great,

But the kids at eastland

Reckon that I'm
like, so megazoidy

Because I don't bonk my poof

Or jam on rad trendoid sounds.

That's just not true.

Don't tell me, tell them.

I'll get it, I'll get it!

It's jeff. He's bringing
me a wonderful surprise.

Hi, honey!

Hi, sweetheart.

I got some flowers here

For a jo polniaczek,
"sex goddess."

Nobody here by that name.

They're probably from rick.

Newlyweds.

Well, you want to
sign here, sex goddess?

Look, my husband is
just a practical joker.

Hey, come on, don't be
so hard on yourself.

A new hairdo, some
decent clothes...

You wouldn't be half bad.

Get lost.

Hey, was that jeff?

No, it was flowers for jo.

Aw, "love from the funniest,
sexiest man on earth."

What's snake doing
sending you flowers?

That's jeff.

Jeff. Tootie.

Where's the pounding
surf when you need it?

Can't that wait?
Let's see the surprise.

You've heard me talk about

My grandmother
in buffalo, right?

All: no.

I have.

Grandma rogers.

Grandmother rogers.

Someone called
her "grandma" once

And got his butt swatted.

She sounds tough.

Yeah, and strong, too.

Anyway, my grandmother told me

To give this to you.

And when my grandmother
says to do something,

You do it.

An engagement gift
from your grandmother.

Oh, this is so sweet.

It's so nice.

It's so...

What is it?

It's a family heirloom.

From who, the munsters?

It's... It's really very...

Big.

You don't see them
that... Big anymore.

You know, I had
something like this once.

Of course we used it
to anchor our yacht.

Honey, I don't know what to say.

How about "that sucker's ugly"?

Tootie, you only have to wear it

Whenever we visit buffalo.

Well, I'm honored.

Repulsed, but honored.

I'd like to thank your
grandmother for this.

Let's give her a call.

Uh, one word of advice...

Stay on her good side.

She's still wields a lot
of power in my family.

Sometimes she can
be the meanest...

Grandmother! Hello.

Yes, I just gave it to her.

Well, uh, she... Uh...

Maybe she should
tell you herself.

Grandmother rogers, hello.

I just have to say
that this gift is really...

One of a kind.

I just wish that you
could see it on me, but...

You could?

Here?

This weekend?

Here?

Uh... Uh, of course.

I'd love to finally meet you.

Andy, you're kinda
like my brother.

I need you to do
something for me.

I'm not going to have
to b*at anybody up, am i?

No, I just want you
to tell me honestly,

If you think I'm fitting in.

Well, you're living
in the same house

With jo, blair, tootie,
natalie, and beverly ann.

Are sure you want to fit in?

No, I mean in school.

How can I get in
good, with alexis

And all the other cool kids?

Basically, there
are four choices...

Two of which are illegal,

And one could lead
to unwanted children.

So, I'd have to
say your best bet

Is throwing an outrageous party.

Oh, and do you reckon
bev would let me?

I reckon, no way,

And that's why
you can't tell her.

Okay, let's say,
give this a bill.

How am I supposed to know

When bev's gonna
be out of the house?

And what about the girls?

Won't they tell?

Ordinarily, they would,

But it just so happens
that this saturday night

Is a rare stool pigeon equinox.

A what?

A night when everyone
who can get you in trouble

Will be out of the house.

Beverly ann's meeting
a friend in new york,

Jo and blair, are
going with natalie

To the restaurant
she's reviewing.

And tootie's meeting
jeff's grandmother.

And where will you be?

Right here, helping
you make this

One of the all-time
great blowouts.

Both: party! Party!
Party! Party! Party!

Andy!

It was all pippa's idea!

You're a true blue mate, andy.

Now, hurry and
stash that party stuff

Before someone
comes and sees it.

Okay.

Well, I guess I'm finally ready.

Well, have a great
time in new york.

Oo-roo!

Are you sure, you two
will be alright without me?

No worries. Oo-roo.

Now, please be sure

To keep an eye on andy for me.

Don't let him
rewire the cable box

To get the playboy channel.

I won't, just have a great time.

I know... Oo-roo.

One down, four to go.

Natalie, why didn't you tell me

We were eating at a
moroccan restaurant?

Nobody eats with their
fingers except cavemen...

Well, and jo.

Braised yak and blair...

This is gonna be a long night.

Be honest, blair. Would you have

Agreed to go to a restaurant

Where they have a belly dancer?

A belly dancer?

They have to put the
wine list somewhere.

Shouldn't you guys get cracking?

You'll be late.

She's right. We're on
the road to morocco.

Never thought I'd see the day

When I'd dip my
manicure in goat gravy.

Hi, pip.

Oh, hi.

So, what do you think?

Does the pendant
go with the dress?

It's perf. I bet you
can't wait to show it off.

Oo-roo.

Oo-roo!

That means good-bye.

Come on in, jeff.

Guess what? Tootie: hmm?

It's only the two of
us for dinner tonight.

Buffalo airport's fogged

And my grandmother
won't be here till tomorrow.

Oh... Good, now I can take this

Dead armadillo off my chest.

Until tomorrow.

'Cause when she gets here,

If you're not wearing it,

That armadillo won't be
the only thing that's dead.

Oo-roo. Oo-roo.

Andy, they're gone.

We've got food, we've got music,

And there are
females on the way.

Let the good times roll.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Pippa, pippa, slow down.

The peekskill party
mammal is here,

And cool is the rule.

Hi.

G'day, karen.

Uh, that's andy doing
his fish imitation.

He's a lot of fun.

Well, I'll let you know.

Yeah, sure, I'll
hang this up for you.

Hi. Oh, g'day, alexis.

Ready for a rage?

Yeah, you better get changed.

I am changed.

You said poofs
were the ultimate.

Uh, that was this morning.

It'll do, but it needs something

To glitz it up.

Well, uh... There
is this pendant.

Oh, totally gross!

Yeah, it is a bit daggy.

I love it!

Well, that's what
daggy means... Radical.

Hey, is this the party?

It is now.

I'm pippa, come on in

And make yourselves at home.

Well, it's not all mine yet,

But it is one of those
hot italian sports car.

You ever heard of a winnebago?

Turn that down!

Loosen up.

The g*ng will think
you're a dweeb.

Oh.

What's going on?

We're trying to
make piña coladas.

Where do you keep the booze?

In bloody new jersey.

Why don't you go and get it?

Hey, you're not supposed...

Stain the crows, what
have I gotten into?

You shouldn't smoke.
It'll stunt your growth.

Anyway, it's dangerous
to your health.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Okay, you blokes.
It's been real.

Thanks for coming.
I'll get your coats.

Uh, and this one
is genuine wool.

Hi, pippa!

Karen was just interested
in some of our coats.

Andy, this party is
totally out of control.

We've got to do
something to stop it.

There you go.

Natalie: pippa.

What is going on here?

Uh, it's not as bad as it looks.

It couldn't be.

I've been trying to give them
the shove for two hours,

But they just won't leave.

Oh, they won't?

Okay, everybody out!

Come on! Come on,
the party's over.

Move it, on the street.
Come on, move it.

Out, out, out, out!

Come on, you guys, move it, out.

There you go.

Why don't you knock
off all that noise,

And I'll show you
how to have some fun.

Watch it, buster.
I'm a married woman.

Come on, out.

You little twerp!

You said this place was cool.

You ruined my reputation.

Well, you ruined our house,

And it was good to start with.

I'm sorry.

I just wanted to get
in with the top g*ng.

Well, we'll talk
about this later.

Right now, I think we
should get this place

Fixed up.

What kind of cleaning service

Are we gonna find at this hour?

How does blair's
brush and flush sound?

Hi, everybody.

Hey, pippa, next time
you have friends over,

Try to keep it down,
okay, I was sleeping.

Oh, come off it, andy.

Oh, you give me
the flaming jim-jams.

You just went into your room

And you threw your
blanket on over your clothes.

I think he's wearing
those flaming jim-jams.

And I think we may have just
found our cleaning service.

Okay, it was
partly my idea, too.

The bigger part.
I'll help clean up.

Oh, bummer!

I can't believe I wanted
to get in with that group.

I should have known there
was something wrong with them

When they said, they
liked tootie's pendant.

You wore that?

I'm wearing it.

Crikey, it's gone!

Well, I've looked everywhere.

And I can't find it.

So, I guess the only
thing I can do now

Is just tell them the truth.

Truth about what?

Andy and i, went
behind your back

And had a party here last night.

And worse than that,

I borrowed tootie's
pendant and lost it.

I see, is there any
more cereal left?

This is like the eye
of the hurricane.

One brief moment of calm

And then total destruction.

We'll pack your things for you.

Okay, bev, let me have it.

I deserve it.

Relax, I'm gonna deal with andy,

But I'm not gonna punish you.

You're not?

No, because by the time

Tootie gets through with you,

There won't be
anything left to punish.

Good morning,

Have you guys seen my pendant?

I thought I left it
in the desk drawer

But it's not in there.

What?

Uh, tootie, when
you were my age,

Did you ever do
anything irresponsible

That people forgave you for

Because you were my age?

Like what?

Oh, I don't know...
Like, having a party

And then losing a
cherished heirloom

That belonged to your
fiance's ferocious grandmother?

I'm really, really sorry.

Sorry...

Pippa, you know
what that meant to me.

How dare you take
something of mine

Without even asking?

Now let's all calm down.

Just have your breakfast,

And then we'll search
the house thoroughly,

The pendant's sure
to be somewhere

And we'll find it.

I hope that's just because

There's a lot of
iron in this drink.

I told you we'd find it.

Are you getting anywhere?

Not with the pendant.

But I just glued my
fingers together.

Jo, we've got to do something.

Jeff and his grandmother
are gonna be here any minute.

Once again, I've come through.

I've solved the problem.

I've been digging
through my jewelry box

And I came up with this.

Blair, this doesn't look
remotely like the pendant.

I can't fool her with this.

But it's gold.
Won't she prefer it?

Ladies and gentlemen,
blair warner.

Tootie, I've got good news
and I got some bad news.

I went to the jewelers,

I couldn't find anything
that looked like the pendant.

Is that the good
news or the bad news?

That is the bad news.

The good news is
I got a great deal

On these earrings.

All right, there's only
one thing that we can do.

Jo, when they get here,

You come from upstairs and
say that we've been robbed.

Oh, now that makes sense.

They steal this ugly
thing and leave the tv.

What should I do?

Answer the door.

Positions everyone.

Hi, jeff.

Hi.

Well, this must be
your grandmother.

That's right.

Just tell me, you're not tootie?

I'm not tootie.

Thank you, sweet jesus.

Grandmother, this is natalie.

Hello.

This is tootie over here.

Hello.

It's so nice to meet you.

Jeff has told me
a lot about you.

What kind of name
is "tootie" anyway?

Wasn't that the dog's name

In the wizard of oz?

And who are you?

Nobody. Nobody.

Actually, she's
nobody. I'm with her.

Jo, don't you have
something to say?

Yes, yes... Bye. Ditto.

Likewise, I'm sure.

Uh, why don't we sit down, huh?

Ahem.

Uh, how was your flight?

Awful.

How was the food?

Awful.

Tootie: the movie?

Oh, let me guess... Awful.

There are no movies
on short flights, dear.

I thought you told me
she was a college girl.

Where is that
pendant I sent you?

Is it hot in
here, or is it me...

Or is it hot in here?

Hey, that's right, tootie.

You've been showing that
thing off ever since you got it.

Where is it?

Hi.

Honey, could you give me a hand

With those, please?

Yep. She sure made a fuss about

How beautiful that pendant was.

The pendant got
caught in the blender,

And it's in a bunch
of ugly little pieces.

We should probably head
for home now, grandmother.

I'm not going anyplace
until I see that pendant.

I give her a gift
and she doesn't even

Have the decency to wear it?

I can't wear it.

I can't wear it because...

Well, there was an accident,

And the pendant was destroyed.

Grandmother, are you all right?

I'm either fainting or dying.

And son, you'd
better hope I'm dying

Because if I wake up,

I'm going to hit you
with something heavy.

Mrs. Rogers, please,

I'm very sorry about this.

And I hope that you'll somehow

Find a way to forgive me.

You know, in a way,

It's very lucky this happened.

It is?

Yes, otherwise, my grandson

Would have made the mistake

Of believing you were
the right girl for him.

Thank you for
sparing him that pain.

Good-bye.

Mrs. Rogers, with
all due respect,

You can't come in here
and talk to me like that.

That's right.

Come along, jefferson.

Yes, ma'am.

Where are you going?

She's my grandmother.

I'll call you.

Grandmother: no, you won't!

Yes, I will.

I can't believe
jeff's grandmother

Is making such a big deal
over a stupid pendant.

You just have to give
her a little more time

To forgive and
forget, that's all.

Yeah, what if she doesn't?

Do you have anything
against kissing feet?

My dad didn't like
rick at first either,

But I just stood up to him

And things worked out fine.

Oh, it's not that easy for jeff.

His grandmother
could disown him.

I mean, here's jeff,

Forced to choose
between love and money.

My condolences, tootie.

Yes?

Tootie?

I know I did a daggy thing.

So, I'll go to jeff's gran

And take full responsibility

For what happened.

No, pippa.

I'm just gonna have to confront
jeff's grandmother myself.

Tell her that we're adults
and she can't run our lives.

Good for you, tootie.

A woman with courage like that

Should have no trouble at
all finding a new boyfriend.

Still no answer.
She's avoiding me.

She knows what's waiting for her

On this end of the phone.

Okay, here it is.

"Restaurant ramblings"
hot off my typewriter

And ready to go to
press. See you later.

Wait a minute.

Weren't you gonna say
something in there about us?

Of course, but,

It's not like I can
use real names.

Bye.

Hey, give me that.

"If you're looking for
unusual moroccan food,

"Then the north african queen

"Is the place for you.

"But make sure to bring along

"Several unusual people.

"I brought along two friends

"Whom I'll call
little miss prissy

"And jonan the barbarian."

With any luck at all,
that'll be my attorney.

Hi, everyone.

Natalie: well, um,

I'm gonna get this
down to the paper.

Can't wait to tell the world

About the north african queen.

Oh, that's a restaurant.

Hey, hey!

You're not turning
that thing in till I find out

What else you called me.

I'm with you a 100%, jo.

There's good news.

Young lady,

You might not like me

For what I said yesterday,

But I have something
more to say to you.

Well, maybe you do,

But I've got something
to say to you first.

Tootie, I think, you
should... No, jeff.

I have to do this.

Now, I'm very sorry that
your pendant was messed up,

But first of all,
it was an accident.

Second, I already apologized,

And third, you've
got no business

Telling jeff whom he should

And should not marry.

Is there anything else?

No. I think I've said my piece.

Very well.

I had come here to
apologize for the other day.

You did?

Yes.

But now that you've dumped
your little dose of vitriol on me,

I think I need to adjust
what I was going to say.

Oh, grandmother,
can't we discuss this...

No, we cannot.

Are you gonna let her

Push you around like that?

Of course not!

Be quiet, jefferson!

Yes, grandmother.

And as far as I'm concerned,

If you marry this woman,

You can consider yourself

The luckiest man on earth.

Jeff, don't listen to her.

I beg your pardon?

You are very strong-willed.

I admire that.

I know you'll make a
fine wife for jefferson.

Welcome to the family.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Well, I better get going.

Oh, grandmother rogers,

We're just getting
to know each other.

Couldn't you stay
just a little longer?

Oh, no, I've got
a plane to catch.

You'll take a later one.

Yes, jefferson.

And I don't like being called

Jefferson either.

Don't push it, son.