08x06 - Arnold's Job

Episode transcripts for the TV Show "Diff'rent Strokes". Aired: November 3, 1978 –; March 7, 1986.*
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Series follows Arnold and Willis Jackson, two African-American boys from Harlem taken in by a rich white Park Avenue businessman and widower, Phillip Drummond, for whom their deceased mother previously worked, and his daughter, Kimberly.
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08x06 - Arnold's Job

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Now the world don't move ♪

♪ To the b*at of just one drum ♪

♪ What might be right for you ♪

♪ May not be right for some ♪

♪ A man is born ♪

♪ He's a man of means ♪

♪ Then along come two ♪

♪ They've got nothing
but their jeans ♪

♪ But they got
different strokes ♪

♪ It takes different strokes ♪

♪ It takes different
strokes to move the world ♪

♪ Everybody's got a
special kind of story ♪

♪ Everybody finds
a way to shine ♪

♪ It don't matter that
you've got not a lot ♪

♪ So what ♪

♪ They'll have theirs
and you'll have yours ♪

♪ And I'll have mine ♪

♪ And together we'll be fine ♪

♪ 'Cause it takes different
strokes to move the world ♪

♪ Yes it does ♪

♪ It takes different
strokes to move the world ♪

- I could swear I just
bought these yesterday

and now nothing fits.

- It's not too tight mama

I could still
breathe if I have to.

(audience laughs)

- Sam you are growing,
you need some new clothes.

- No I don't.

Hardly any of my
stuff has holes in it yet.

- Listen Sam it's, it's (sniffs)

what is that smell coming
from the bathroom?

- [Arnold] Wow this is the
greatest thing I've ever seen.

(audience laughs)

- Mama, how come Arnold
can use it as a dark room

but I can't use the
bathtub to raise snakes?

- Honey it's a rule of life.

We don't bathe in their swamp

and they don't live in our tub.

(audience laughs)

Now we're going shopping
right after my workout.

(kiss smacks)

- Okay, mama but it's
only a waste of time.

I mean I'll only
outgrow the new stuff

and then we'll have to
go through all this again.

Don't worry honey, it's
what a mother lives for.

(audience laughs)

- Arnold, get out of
the bathroom right now

or I'm putting peanut
butter down your socks.

(knocking)

- Hi Sam.

Lunch is almost ready.

Where's Arnold?

- Lost in the bathroom forever.

(audience laughs)

He's really hogging it Mr. D.

- How long has he
been in there, Sam.

- A long time,
through Happy Days!

Ay!

Leave it to Beaver.

That's a neat dress you're
wearing Mrs. Cleaver.

(audience laughs)

And The Three Stooges.

Whoo whoo whoo whoo.

Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk.

- That's a lot of
television, Sam.

When do you get
your homework done?

- During the commercials.

(audience laughs)

- I shoulda guessed.

(door opens)

- Dad!

- [Sam] Yippee!

(audience laughs)

- Wait 'til you see these
pictures I just printed.

- Now look, Arnold,
I am very happy

that you're learning
about photography

and developing your
own pictures and all of that.

But you can't keep
tying up the bathroom.

- Thanks, you little
red-headed stoolie!

(audience laughs)

Now Dad, my pictures
are already pretty good.

But can you imagine
what I could do

if I had a wide-angle lens?

- Oh, sure, you could
come up close to somebody

and make them look like this.

(audience laughs)

- (laughs) That's funny, Dad!

That's hilarious!

You're the funniest dad a
kid ever had, ever. (laughs)

I mean it! (laughs)

- I'm gonna pay for the
wide-angle lens, right?

- Right.

- Wrong.

(audience laughs)

- Oh well, I took a sh*t.

- Arnold, Arnold, it's
embarrassing to go to the bathroom

with all those
pictures staring at me.

(audience laughs)

- You know, I'm no
expert, but I am impressed.

Good focus, excellent exposure,
imaginative composition.

- Don't stop now.

(audience laughs)

Look, Dad, for a measly
$119.95, I could be

excellent, imaginative, and
compositive in wide-angle.

- You save your own
money and buy it for yourself.

If I buy it for you, it
won't mean as much.

- (sighs) You're right, Dad.

But I'll make the sacrifice.

(audience laughs)

- I'll tell you what,

if you can raise half
of it, I'll match you.

Lunch in five minutes.

- Right, Dad.

I gotta get some
money for my lens.

- Hey Arnold, why don't
you just give up photography?

And give me back the bathroom.

(audience laughs)

- Now isn't that
just like a kid?

Sam, I need photography.

It's my life!

I mean, it's art.

It's something I can put
my heart and my soul into.

It's a good way to
make big bucks, too.

(audience laughs)

- Is that all you care about?

- Of course not,
I'm not that shallow.

I want fame and glory, too.

- How much glory can you get
being locked in the bathroom?

(audience laughs)

- Plenty!

Once photo editors
get a look at my work,

they'll be throwing lots
of mean green my way.

- Are you sure
people would actually

wanna buy these pictures?

- Sure I'm sure!

I took them, didn't I?

(audience laughs)

I am the greatest.

The king of the camera.

The prince of photography.

The sheik of the shutter.

(camera clicks)

- You're modest, too,

(audience laughs)

your majesty.

(papers smacking)

Your turn Freddy!

Thanks a lot, Sam.

(audience laughs)

Rats, I lost my
Darryl Strawberry.

I needed a Darryl
Strawberry. (laughs)

(audience laughs)

- Sam, honey.

It's time to go shopping.

- Aw, Momma.

Can't I go shopping by myself?

- Oh but Sam, we've always
gone shopping together!

- I don't wanna hurt
your feelings, Momma,

but only sissies go
shopping with their mommas.

- Since when, Samuel McKinney?

- Since I grew up, Momma!

(audience laughs)

- Oh, oh I see.

Well, would it be alright

if a grown-up guy
took Mr. D along?

- I guess so.

But he has to promise to
let me pick out my own stuff.

I'm coming home if he
tries to make me buy a vest.

(audience laughs)

- You've got a deal.

(smooching)

- Ugh, what a day.

- [Sam] Hey Arnold, how
many pictures did you sell?

- No one in this
town has any taste!

(audience laughs)

- That many, huh?

- Sam listen.

First I take the subway
to the Time-Life building.

Time says go see Newsweek.

So I take the cross-town
bus over there.

Then Newsweek says go see Life.

So I'm back on the
cross-town bus again!

(audience laughs)

And then Life says go
see the Village Voice.

So I'm on the subway again!

Where some lady accidentally
sticks her gum on my forehead!

- Regular or bubble gum?

(audience laughs)

- Sam.

You know what, it's
just so frustrating.

All those people said
I had a lot of talent,

but the pictures just
weren't newsworthy.

- Not even the one of the
lady wearing underwear

over her dress?

(audience laughs)

- No, Sam, in New York,
that's not newsworthy.

Besides, that was a man.

(audience laughs)

Anyway, they showed me photos

from hot spots
all over the world.

That's where I
need to be to sh**t!

- Go for it, Arnold!

- I would love to, but I
can't wait to see Dad's face.

Dad, can I borrow the
limousine to go to Zimbabwe?

(audience laughs)

I guess I don't need
a wide-angle lens.

- Hi boys.

- Hi Mr. D!

- Hi Dad.

- What's wrong, Arnold?

- Nothin', Dad.

- Nothing?

He spent half the afternoon
trying to sell pictures.

But all he got was a
head full of bubble gum.

(audience laughs)

- Dad, I'll never be able

to earn enough
money for that lens.

- I'm delighted to hear

that you're trying to
earn some money.

- Dad, don't spread that around!

I got an image.

(audience laughs)

- Look Arnold,
freelance photography

is a very hard
way to earn money.

Maybe I should try to help
you find a more normal job.

- Normal job, great!

I'd like to be a bank president.

- I'll see what I can do.

(audience laughs)

Yeah, oh that's fine, Neil.

You stick with the diet.

Good, thank you,
I'll see you there.

Bye.

(phone clatters)

Hello, Sam.

- Hi Mr. D.

(audience laughs)

- Do you want something, Sam?

- Momma's coming
down in a second

to ask you the biggest
most gigantic favor

in the whole world for me.

It's the kind where she's
gonna bat her eyes and say,

"Phillip,

(audience laughs)

"oh Phillip Darling.

"How much do you love me?"

And then you always say,

"What do you want, sweet lips."

(audience laughs)

So when she asks you,
whatever, please say,

"Whatever it is,
sweet lips, it's yours."

- Philip.

Philip, darling.

(audience laughs)

How much do you love me?

- Whatever it is,
sweet lips, forget it.

- What?!

(audience laughs)

Oh, no!

- Just kidding, Sam.

Just kidding.

He's already softened me up.

What can I do for my most
favorite red-headed son?

- Would you mind
taking Sam shopping?

And let him pick
out his own clothes.

- Yeah, Mr. D, I'm
lots of fun in a store.

- Sure, Sam, I'll take you.

Maybe we can
find you a nice vest.

Momma!

(audience laughs)

- Gotcha!

- Ugh, what a day.

Police department told me

they got everybody they
need to take mugshots.

(audience laughs)

- You don't have
to worry about that.

I have some great news for you.

- Great news!

You're buying me
a wide-angle lens?

- Nope, but I've
found you a job.

- A job?

(audience laughs)

As in work?

Toil?

Drudgery?

- No a job as in working,

for a photographer,

at a newspaper!

- Oh wow Dad!

That's great, how did you do it?

- I just called up a friend of
mine on the New York Times.

- The New York Times?

You got me a job with
the New York Times?

That's unbelievable!

- No no no no.

The job isn't with
the times, Arnold.

- Oh, the Daily News.

- No, not the News.

- The Post?

Uh, Dad, I'm
running out of papers.

I'm too young to work
on the National Enquirer.

(audience laughs)

- You are gonna be working
for the Westside Weekly.

- The Westside Weekly.

That's six pages.

- Six pages?

Sounds to me like you're
working for a pamphlet.

(audience laughs)

- Now now now now now, Sam.

The Westside Weekly
is a real newspaper.

- It covers all the local news.

It's a very important
community paper.

- Well if it's so
important, Momma,

how come you
always toss it away?

(audience laughs)

- A lot of small newspapers
have done very important work.

- I don't consider wrapping
fish important work.

(audience laughs)

- Now look, I went to a lot
of trouble to get you this job.

And it's a job most kids
would be delighted to have.

Now if you're gonna pursue
a career in photojournalism,

you've gotta start somewhere.

Now this way, you can gain
some valuable experience,

and perhaps show
them what you can do.

- You're right
Dad, you're right.

I could show 'em what I could,

matter of fact I'm gonna
show 'em what I can do.

With the pictures
I'll be taking,

the Times will be
begging me to work for 'em.

The News and the Post, too.

Well forget them, I'm
going right to the top.

I'm talking Life,
I'm talking Playboy.

- Arnold.

(audience laughs)

- I'm talking Life.

I oughta have enough
money for that lens in no time.

- Way to go, son.

- Your first real job.

Do you know how
proud I am of you?

- Thanks, Maggie, but
I haven't done anything

to make you proud of me, yet.

But I'll change that, I'm off.

Lookout world, here
comes Flash Jackson.

(audience laughs)

- Mr. Franklin?

This is your new
assistant, Arnold Jackson.

- Oh yeah.

Well what are you
waiting for, a tip?

(audience laughs)

- You'll love it here.

- Hello, Sir.

I'm ready to go and
I just want to say

that with you and I
working hand in hand,

this won't be a six
sheet paper much longer.

(audience laughs)

So what's my first assignment?

Scandal at City Hall?

The Jets quarterback
controversy?

What?

- Your first assignment, kid,
is to get rid of the camera,

get me some coffee.

(audience laughs and applauds)

Kid?

- Uh, yes sir.

- Forget the typewriter, take
these down to the engravers.

- Yes sir.

- I mean now,
we're going to press.

(typewriter tape cranking)

(audience laughs)

(door closes)

- Here's your
sandwich, Mr. Franklin.

- Oh thanks, kid.

(sniffs)

Hey wait a minutes.

Come here, come here.

This isn't turkey,
it's pastrami.

- I asked for turkey!

- Is turkey red with
fat all around it?

- No, sir.

(audience laughs)

Yes, sir.

Afternoon, sir.

(door closes)

Got anything lined up today?

- Yeah, major stuff.

Put that water
bottle in the cooler.

- Water bottle in the cooler.

(audience laughs)

(Arnold grunting)

Job well done, sir.

Bottle's in.

- Yeah, I saw her put it in.

(audience laughs)

- Hi, Momma!

- Sam, honey, didn't you
get some new clothes?

- Couldn't find
anything I liked.

- Oh, well where's Phillip?

(audience laughs)

What do you think, Maggie?

- (gasps) Well,

I thought the idea was to get
some new clothes onto Sam,

but, uh,

not bad.

(audience laughs)

- I tell you Maggie,
I put on this outfit

and I feel like a whole new man.

- Oh Phillip, you must take
Sam shopping more often!

(audience laughs)

- Yeah.

- Hey, guys!

How can you do that
when there's cake here.

(audience laughs)

- That's a great cake Maggie,

Arnold's first paycheck.

It reminds me of
my first paycheck.

- Mine was $37.

- Mine was, um, $1.8 million.

(audience laughs)

- You must have put
in some mean overtime.

- It was a trust
fund from my father.

(audience laughs)

Here's the working man.

- [Maggie And Sam] Yay!

(clapping)

- How's our little breadwinner?

- I bet you're proud to have
your first paycheck, huh?

- And it's my last!

That's not a newspaper,
it's a labor camp.

(audience laughs)

I thought it would change.

All that Mr. Franklin
guy says is,

"Get me some more coffee.

"Get me some water.

"Get me some donuts."

If I work there one more week,

I'll have to join
the waiters' union.

(audience laughs)

- That's too bad, Arnold.

Can we eat his cake now?

- Later, Sam.

- See running errands,
that's how you break in.

- No Dad, that's
how I break out.

(audience laughs)

I'm not going back there.

Who does that guy
think he is anyway?

- Your boss!

- Time to cut the cake!

- I don't want any cake.

- That's too bad Arnold,
but can I have your piece?

(audience laughs)

- Sam, hush.

Look Arnold, Sid Franklin's
been a photographer

for a long time.

And honey I'm sure he
has a lot he can teach you.

- I've already
learned the difference

between milk and cremora.

(audience laughs)

I'm outta there.

- Listen Arnold, when
I first went to work,

my father had the good
sense to start me at the bottom.

I wasn't too
thrilled at the time,

I had to work with a
lot of different people.

But you know something?

Those people
taught me an awful lot

about how to run a business

that I didn't learn in college.

Now if you take advantage
of these experiences,

it could help you get
to where you wanna go.

- Yeah but Dad,

with Mr. Get Me Some
More Coffee, Kid Franklin,

I have to work my way
up just to get to the bottom.

- I'll just help myself.

(audience laughs)

- Son I am not going
to tell you what to do,

you're old enough to
make up your own mind.

But I do suggest

that you give this decision
a little more thought.

- (sighs) Boy, I thought
growing up was going to be fun.

(audience laughs)

Hm, I'm just gonna
come right out and tell him,

just gonna let him have it.

Franklin, you bug me and
I've had enough of your guff

and I'm quittin'.

Forget it,

apologies are too late.

(audience laughs)

Hey Sid, get off your knees.

(audience laughs)

Begging won't work.

Tears, you can cry
the Mississippi River.

(audience laughs)

This rambling kinda
guy is moving on.

I know I keep this
office hummin'.

But that's your
problem now, Franklin.

Coffee, hot and on my desk!

(audience laughs)

(door closes)

Mornin', sir.

- Yeah.

Aw now, come on, kid, you
know how I like my coffee.

- Right sir, black.

- And hot and on my
desk when I come in.

- Yeah, sir.

Look, uh,

Mr. Franklin, uh, I

got something
to tell you and uh,

well I hate to
leave you in a lurch,

but uh,

but today is my last day.

I'm quittin'.

- Fine.

- Fine?

You're not mad?

- Only unless you don't
get my coffee for me.

(audience laughs)

You're on the
payroll until nightfall,

you know that.

- Three alarmer
down at the docks!

- Come on, kid.

Come on, let's go.

Move it!

I only hope you
loaded the cameras

better that you make the coffee.

Come on, kid!

(audience laughs)

(typewriter clacking)

Not bad, kid.

- You mean the way I printed up

six rolls of film
from the dock fire?

- No, the coffee.

(audience laughs)

Finally learning!

I'm gonna miss you.

- Alright Mr. Franklin,
here you are.

- Uh, (chuckles) listen,

I know you're headed
for early retirement,

but I'm gonna clue you in

on this writing rough
captions on these pictures.

Now you've got here Fireman
Fighting Dock Blaze, right?

- So what's wrong with that?

- I turn the picture
over and lo and behold,

there's a fireman,
fighting a dock blaze.

But, you didn't put
the location of the fire,

the time of the fire,

or the engine companies
that were covering it!

- Well I put all that
on the first photo!

- Well supposing I decide to
send this one out to an editor.

There may be 10
fires around town.

How is he supposed
to know where it is?

You know, being a
photographer doesn't mean

you just go around
snapping pictures.

You gotta learn to think, kid.

- Yes, sir.

- Well,

I guess we'll go with this one.

As soon as I write
down where it was.

(audience laughs)

- Well, sir,

if you don't need me anymore.
- Wait a minute,

wait a minute,
what are you doing?

What are those?

- Well these are mine, I
was taking them for practice.

- Well let me see.

Yeah.

Not bad.

- Really?

- Just boring.

(audience laughs)

- Boring?!

But this one right here,

this one's got a
helicopter flying overhead,

a fireman, flames...
- Yeah, but what's missing?

Looks like every dock fire
that was ever photographed.

No, boring, kid.

- Boring?

Boring!

I tell you what's boring!

(audience laughs)

It's the way you've been
treating me, that's boring.

All I did was make
coffee, run for sandwiches,

clean the lab, make
chemicals, dump chemicals.

And finally I get a chance to
take some real photographs,

and you jump all over 'em.

Well I've had it.

I'm quitting, I'm outta here.

- You're through?

- You can count on that.

- And you don't wanna
know why one of your pictures

was the best that
either of us took?

Maybe the best in the city?

- It is?

- Look here, kid.

What do you see?

- Well uh,

I see a fireman

giving mouth-to-mouth
resuscitation to a little kitten.

I'm thinking my kid
brother would like it.

- Your kid brother and
everyone else in this town.

That's our page one picture.

It's got everything.

It's got drama,
emotion, humanity.

It's the kind of a picture

that everybody who sees
it will always remember!

- It's really that good?

- Too bad you're quitting.

You know what?

In that body of yours, which
makes too many complaints,

you've got a heart.

And it was that heart of yours

that made you take this picture.

And it's too bad
you're quitting.

If you stuck with it,

maybe you and that camera
of yours might have a future.

- Uh, you know,

a guy who complains too much,

he can change
his mind, can't he?

(audience laughs)

- No way.

- Oh.

- But you could reapply.

- What?

And lose my seniority?

(audience laughs)

- You're a wiseacre, Jackson.

Go get me some more coffee.

- Yes, sir!

Coffee, donuts, shish
kabob, anything you want.

(audience laughs)

- Hey Carl, yeah, Franklin.

Listen, I've got a
great page one-er.

No, I didn't take it.

My assistant took it.

Arnold Jackson.

- All right!

(coffee splashes)

(audience laughs and applauds)

(upbeat music)

(triumphant music)

(bright music)
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