04x21 - Have I Got a Girl for You

[bunniefuu]

♪ Now, the world don't move ♪

♪ To the b*at of just one drum ♪

♪ What might be right for you ♪

♪ May not be right for some ♪

♪ A man is born ♪

♪ He's a man of means ♪

♪ Then along come two ♪

♪ They got nothin'
but their jeans ♪

♪ But they got
diff'rent strokes ♪

♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪

♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪

♪ To move the world ♪

♪ Everybody's got ♪

♪ A special kind of story ♪

♪ Everybody finds
a way to shine ♪

♪ It don't matter that you got ♪

♪ Not a lot... So what? ♪

♪ They'll have theirs,
you'll have yours ♪

♪ And I'll have mine ♪

♪ And together we'll be fine ♪

♪ 'Cause it takes
diff'rent strokes ♪

♪ To move the
world, yes, it does ♪

♪ It takes diff'rent
strokes to move the world ♪

Oh, come on, philip.

Sophia, you had no right
to ask your hairdresser

To come over here to see
me without my permission.

I told you, she isn't a
hairdresser. She's a hairstylist.

Well, what's the difference?

About $ .

Look, I've been going to
the same barber for years,

And I like him.

He's like a relative:

He talks a lot and I
don't listen to him.

Come on, daddy, get with it.

Have a hairstylist do your hair.

I don't feel like
having my hair cut.

I'm tired. I was out
late last night.

No doubt with another one
of your young chickadees?

Aunt sophia, I don't think
dad's dates are that young.

He never comes home with
bubblegum on his collar.

Come on, sophia, the youngest
woman I've been out with is .

First , then ,

Then you'll be helping
them with their homework.

Will you stop exaggerating?

Now, please, tell your
hairstylist thanks, but no thanks.

I'll stay with my
regular barber.

Dad, no one goes to a
regular barber anymore.

All the hip dudes
have their hair styled.

Do you think I'd trust
these precious locks

To some clown with
a red-and-white pole?

I went to one of those
unisex places once,

And they talked me into a perm.

It's not a pretty sight to see
a middle-aged man in curlers.

Oh, daddy, I thought
you looked cute in curls.

Yeah, like an over-the-hill
shirley temple.

Philip, dolores isn't one
of those unisex people.

She's one of the best
hairstylists in this town.

You know, daddy,
with a blow-dryer,

She can make your
hair look twice as thick,

And that would make
you look a lot younger.

Look, I told you that
I'm not interested...

Younger?

You think so?

Oh, I really do, daddy.

Well, as long as she's on
her way over here anyway,

I really shouldn't
disappoint her.

Ok, I'll give it a sh*t.

Way to go, dad. Great, daddy.

I'll slip into something
less comfortable.

Now, hurry, philip.

I'm expecting her shortly.

[Humming]

Oh-ho!

It worked. It worked. It worked.

I'm so happy.

Hair really turns you on.

Come here. I've got a secret.

I don't really care
who cuts his hair.

Run that by me again.

Well children, your
father is going through

A very delicate
period in his life.

The foolish s.

Is that any worse
than the flaky s?

Could be.

It's a time of life when a man
needs the right kind of woman.

I think he should be married.

Hey, if dad got married, we'd
be a real family, with a mother.

You know I think daddy
would be happier married.

Of course, can't you see he's
miserable dating those cheerleaders.

Well if he's so miserable
dating all those girls,

How come he
whistles all the time?

It's all an act.

And yesterday, he was singing.

Singing too?

Oh, that poor man.

You mean poor us.

You ever heard dad's voice?

He sounds like he's
gargling with drano.

Trust me, arnold,

What he needs is a good wife

In the september of his years,

Someone he can sit
on the veranda with

And watch the red
sails on the horizon

Blow into the sunset...

Unless it's raining.

Well, I still say, if dad's
not havin' a good time,

He sure doesn't know it.

And I say dolores is the
perfect one for your father.

She's fun-loving,
intelligent, she likes people,

And is she ever beautiful.

At the hairstylist convention,
she was voted miss blow-dryer.

Well, just be careful.

Dad would really resist if
he knew he was being fixed-up.

So would dolores. That's
why I'm doing it this way...

Sneaky.

[Doorbell rings]

Oh, that must be dolores.

[Ringing]

Coming!

Hiya.

Come on in.

I was just saying, "I
bet that's dolores."

Were you right? Heh heh heh ha!

Boy, look at the
size of this place.

Where are the goal posts?

Hey, hey, hey.

Good-lookin' mama.

Arnold, looks aren't everything.

What counts is
what's underneath.

Hey, that looks
pretty good, too.

Dolores, this is my family

I was telling you about.

My niece kimberly... Hi.

Likewise.

And this is willis.

Nice to meet you.

Likewise.

And arnold.

Hi, cutie.

Likewise.

Well, I see that my
hairstylist has arrived.

Your sheep is here,
ready to be shorn.

Dolores, this is my
brother philip drummond.

Hi, mr. Drummond.

Please, just call me phil.

Well, what do you think,

A tease, cornrows,
or maybe an afro?

You're payin'.

You could have a
poodle cut if you like.

"Poodle cut." Ha!
What a sense of humor.

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Eh heh ha ha.

Quite honestly, mr. Drummond,

You don't need to do
anything to your hair.

It looks fine the way it is.

I'd just be gilding
the lily, so to speak.

That's ok.

Dad could use a
little help with his lily.

Where would you like to work?

How about the
kitchen? I need the sink.

Fine. I'll take this.

Just come with me.

Have you ever seen people
who were so well-matched?

He's attracted
to her femininity,

And she's
attracted to his, uh...

Whatever he has.

[Phil and dolores laughing]

You hear that? They're laughing.

I didn't know dad
had such funny hair.

Dolores, I really do appreciate
your taking the trouble

To come over here.

Oh, no problem, phil.

You said I can call you that.

Anyway, it's on my way
to the bowling alley.

I have to meet my team.

Oh?

What team is that?

Barney's bagel boutique.

That's very catchy.

Barney's our sponsor.

We always kid barney
about which is harder:

The bowling ball or his bagels.

[Laughs]

You know, I guess a guy like you

Thinks bowling is kinda silly.

Oh, not at all.

I like bowling.

You do? How's your
game, if I may inquire?

Well, it may be a little off...

Since I've never bowled.

You have never bowled?

Boy, you sure missed
a lot being rich.

I never looked at
it that way before.

I bet you never even
went roller-skating

Or been to the demolition derby.

That's my favorite.

Every time a fender
gets knocked off,

I get all misty.

I hope maybe I'll
see one sometime.

You know...

You're not what I
expected in a millionaire.

You're a... A real person.

Well, thank you.

So, uh, listen,

If you ever want to
learn how to bowl,

It'd be my pleasure
to give you a lesson.

If you're ever in the
mood, just give me a buzz.

Buzz.

I thought you'd never call.

Arnold! Get away from that door!

It's not polite to eavesdrop.

But as long as you did,
did you hear anything?

Hey. That was fun.

Oh, and that was fast.

Oh, philip, your hair's
absolutely marvelous.

What an improvement.

Willis: what did she do it?

Nothing.

Well, whatever she
didn't do, she did it great.

Like I said previously,

Phil doesn't really
need a haircut.

So I'm taking him
bowling instead.

Bowling? Right.

And then after that,

We're gonna stop at
barney's boutique for a bagel.

Where the posh go to nosh.

Well, that's perfect.

That's where everybody goes.

Say hello to barney for me.

Bring me home a bagel.

I love that jewish soul food.

We'll do that. See
you later, g*ng.

Philip...

I'm so happy for you.

Me, too.

Thanks, but I may
not even like bowling.

All: bye!

Well, so far, so
good, huh, kids?

Boy. Daddy going bowling.

I can't believe it.

That's like william buckley
going mud wrestling.

Man, dad was sure charged up.

I can already hear
those wedding bells.

In fact, I can even
hear a baby crying.

I hope we don't hear the
baby before we hear the bells.

Yes. I'll be sure and tell
him as soon as he gets home.

Ok. Bye-bye.

Hi, guys. Bye, guys.

Can't talk now.
Gotta get changed.

No, wait, daddy.
They just called you

About that big dinner
you're going to friday night.

Oh, the mayor's ball. Right.

The mayor wants
you to sit at his table.

Well.

That shows you
what a little charm

And a big contribution can do.

I gotta go.

What's the rush, dad?

Leave the man alone.

He's gotta go. He's
heading for the bathroom.

See, dolores will
be here any minute.

Oh, you know, she really
is a breath of fresh air.

She's been taking me to
places I've never been before,

And I love it!

Have I got a surprise
for her. [Claps hands]

Man. Dad seems really
happy with dolores.

We told you it would work out.

They've been out together
every night for a whole week.

I had a marriage that
didn't last that long.

[Doorbell rings]

Oh, I'll get it.

Coming.

Hi. Hi.

Hi, everybody.

Oh, I love your outfit.

Thanks. I picked it up at a
sale in gimbal's basement.

You can get real bargains
there... If you know karate.

Philip will be down in a minute.

I see you're going
roller-skating again.

Yep. Your brother's
a real good skater.

Oh, yeah. Dad's a
cool cat, all right.

He's good at everything.

I know.

I'll bet your excited
about friday night.

Friday night?

Yeah. That big ball.

You and dad get to
sit at the mayor's table.

Now, arnold, you shouldn't
have gone and said that.

That must have been the
surprise daddy mentioned.

Oh.

Sorry, dolores.

I have this habit of
sh**ting from the lip.

Don't worry, arnold.

When your dad tells
me, I'll act surprised.

Wow. Me. At the mayor's table.

I feel like cinderella.

And dad is your prince.

A little creaky,
but still a prince.

Hi, dolores.

Oh, hi, phil.

I'm sorry. I hope I
haven't kept you waiting.

No, I just got here.

Let's go burn rubber, baby.

My wheels are spinning, honey.

Boy, are we gonna
have a great week.

Tonight, roller-skating.

Wednesday night, hockey.

Thursday, bowling.

And then comes my
big surprise for you.

Surprise? Why, phil,
whatever could that be?

Dolores, you and I
are going to be sitting

In the best seats in the house

Saturday at the
demolition derby.

Demolition derby? Saturday?

Right. I guess that really
surprised you, didn't it?

It sure did, but, uh, didn't
you leave something out?

Oh, yes.

I read that "crash"
collins won't be driving.

He broke his back again.

But we'll still have fun.

Philip, I think what dolores
means you left out is

That on most calendars

Between thursday and saturday

There's a thing called friday.

Uh... Oh, yeah.

Didn't I mention that, dolores?

Oh, I have to go to a
business dinner friday.

I won't be able to
see you that night.

Whatcha talking about, dad?

I see. A business dinner, huh?

Yeah.

Well, let's go.

Forget it.

What do you mean?

I just lost my appetite
for skating tonight.

I'm going home.

But... But we have a date.

I'm good enough
for beer and pizza,

But not for
champagne and caviar.

Dolores! Look...

Why don't you get someone else

To lace up your skates for you?

I hope you enjoyed slumming
with me, mr. Drummond!

Dolores...

How did she find out
about the mayor's ball?

From the big mouth
with the little body.

Philip, why didn't
you invite her!

I just didn't
think she'd fit in.

Fit in?

Dad, how could
you do that to her?

Gee, daddy, I never thought I'd
say this about my own father,

But... Well, you're a snob.

A snob? Me?

I just can't believe that
you would think I'm a snob.

Philip, I'm disappointed in you.

I never thought you'd turn
into one of those stuck up bores

Like the rest of our family.

Daddy, if you're not a
snob, then why didn't

You invite dolores
to the mayor's ball?

I told you. She simply
wouldn't fit in with that crowd.

She'd be uncomfortable.

You mean her or you?

So who are you
taking? Jackie onassis?

She's busy that night.

In fact I'm not going
to take anyone,

I'm going to go alone.

Alone?

Well nobody's good
enough for dad.

That's a real snob.

Daddy, I think you owe
dolores an apology.

I don't have anything
to apologize for.

In fact, she should apologize
to me for walking out.

Philip, she had every right...

Now that's the end
of the discussion.

I'm gonna go upstairs and
hang up my skates forever.

Dad, you're messing
everything up,

After all that lying aunt sophia
did to get you two together.

What is that supposed to mean?

Yes, philip.

I invited dolores over
here just to meet you.

I don't give a hoot
about your old hair.

For all I care, you
can go bald right now.

I'll go bald when
I'm good and ready!

Are you telling me that
this whole thing was a fix up?

Dad, aunt sophia was
only trying to help.

She said that in the
september of your horizon,

You need someone to watch the
red sails with before they blow out.

Well, if there's one thing that
gets my goat, it's matchmaking.

Sophia, will you please
stop interfering in my life?!

Oh, it's such a shame!

I know they'd be
so happy together.

If they just didn't hate
each other so much.

Rats! I ruined everything.

Now they'll never get together.

They don't need a
demolition derby,

They got me.

Mary, who's my
: appointment?

Um, a mr. Jackson.

Jackson? Doesn't ring a bell.

Maybe it's a new customer.

Mr. Jackson, we're
ready for you.

Mr. Jackson
reporting for styling.

Arnold?

What are you doing here?

I'd like a shampoo
and a haircut...

And you can even
check me out for a shave.

While we're at it, we
can talk about my dad.

I'd like to forget
about your dad

And you can forget
about your haircut.

Hold it.

I've got a legitimate
appointment.

I've got the money
to pay for it.

How'd you like the naacp to
nail you for discrimination?

All right, all right.

Uh, I'd like an egg shampoo.

Make that over easy, please.

Sorry, our chicken's on strike.

All right, then give
me a once over lightly,

Careful on the sideburns,

And fluff me up an inch taller.

You got it.

[Sighs]

You know my dad's
really a terrific guy.

He's really a terrific
snob. That's what he is.

No he isn't. Let me
tell you something.

He may be listed in who's who,

But he doesn't know what's what.

Look, he's really sorry
for what happened,

A-and he wants to
apologize to you.

Apologize?

Did he send you down
here to test the waters?

Oh, no! I came on my own,

But dad's really
broken up over this.

Did you ever see
a millionaire cry?

It's pitiful.

Come on, arnold.

I mean it.

His eyes were so
red and swollen...

He looks worse than he does

When he gets up in the morning.

Arnold, are you jiving me?

Does this look like
the face of a jiver?

I can't resist those cheeks.

Can dad come down and
apologize to you, please?

You're real special to him.

Please? Please?

Put the poor guy
out of his misery.

All right.

Thanks.

Uh, can I use your phone?

I want to call him at
the office and tell him.

Sure, help yourself, honey.

Would you mind giving
me a little privacy?

Dad would be embarrassed

If you heard him
blubbering with happiness.

He must really be
taking this hard.

I'm so flattered.

I never had a man
blubber over me,

Unless I belted him first.

Hi, dad, it's arnold.

Listen, dolores just called.

She wants you to go right
over to her beauty shop.

She wants to apologize
for what happened.

Yeah, she's all
broken up about it.

She was cryin' so
hard over the phone,

I could barely understand her.

You should have heard her.

[Playfully sobs]

So will you, dad?

Make her happy?

Who knows how many
good years she's got left

What hairstyle would
you like this week, lillian?

I'm torn between liz
taylor and princess di.

Why don't we split
the difference.

Fine. I'll take liz in the
front and di in the back.

Oh, hi.

Hi, dolores. Hi.

Listen, if you like, I can come
back when you're not busy.

Oh, no, that's all right.

It only takes a
second to apologize.

Right.

Well, would you
like some privacy?

Oh, no, lillian's
an old customer.

I mean, she's like family.

How do you do?

My pleasure.

Well, I just want you to know

That I think it takes
a lot of character

For a person to admit
that they've been wrong.

I couldn't agree with you more,

And it's so much
better, it's such a relief

When you get it off your chest.

Right.

Well, I'm ready
any time you are.

I'm ready.

I'm ready.

Why do I get the feeling

That something
isn't kosher here?

I have the same feeling.

Me, too.

Phil, are you here for
what I think you're here for?

I am, if you think I'm here
for what I think I'm here for.

I know what I'm here for.

Sorry, lillian.

Look, arnold told me that
you wanted to apologize to me.

Why, that little double-crosser.

"Is this the face of a jiver?"

What's that supposed to mean?

Arnold came down here

And said you wanted
to apologize to me.

what?!

I'll take care of
him when I get home.

Don't you dare lay a finger

On that darling little liar.

Who's arnold?

My son.

And he's a real
down-to-earth kid,

Considering he's got
such a snob for a father.

Dolores...

If you level with me

And said that you
didn't think I'd fit in

With the mayor and your people,

I'd have understood...

[No audio]

But if you were
just takin' me out

For just some cheap kicks,

That's really rotten.

Dolores...

I love the times that
we had together.

She's just marvelous.

I've had the most
fun that I had in years.

Look, I didn't invite
you to the mayor's ball

Only because I thought
that you'd be uncomfortable.

I guess maybe I was just trying
to save you the embarrassment

Of, uh, of not...

Well, I won't say
not fitting in...

Well, what would you say, phil?

I'd say that I behaved
like... Like a snob.

And I apologize
with all my heart.

Please forgive me.

I'd be very unhappy to lose you.

Well...

Tch. Give him a break.

Thanks.

That's ok, phil.

Well, what do you say, dolores?

I'm waiting.

Yeah, we're waiting.

Phil, you're a doll.

I'd be very unhappy
to lose you, too.

Friends?

I can do better than that.

Man, if it doesn't
work out with dolores,

Dad's really gonna be mad at me.

[Telephone rings]

Hello?

Oh, hi, dad.

Uh-oh.

Sure, hang on a minute.

He wants to talk to you, arnold.

Did he sound, eh, angry or calm?

Real calm.

Then I'm in real trouble.

Hello, dad, your
loving son speaking.

Yeah, I did.

You did?

she did?!

All right!

I knew it would work out!

Listen, if you've got
any more problems,

My door is always open.

♪ Now the world don't move ♪

♪ To the b*at of just one drum ♪

♪ What might be right for you ♪

♪ May not be right for some ♪

♪ A man is born ♪

♪ He's a man of means ♪

♪ Then along come two ♪

♪ They got nothin'
but their jeans ♪

♪ But they got
different strokes ♪

♪ It takes different strokes ♪

♪ It takes different strokes ♪

♪ To move the world ♪

♪ Yes, it does ♪