03x01 - Backstage Rush

[bunniefuu]

[All chanting and cheering] big time rush! Big time rush!

[High-pitched screaming and clapping]

- one minute, everyone, one minute.

- [Growling] yes.

One more minute till the last concert

of our world tour,

which means no more contracts,

backstage pass requests,

and no more of that.

- It'’s also one minute till our first concert

in canada.

So let'’s give these canucks

a big-time rush.

- [Groans] fine.

Take mine.

Tour'’s over.

I don'’t need it anymore.

- Why do people want to come backstage?

What, are they going to see this?

Or is it the gray hallways

with the big, ugly men rolling crates?

Tonight is about what happens onstage

with fireworks and trampolines and my amazing music,

not backstage, which is full of concrete,

dubious stains, and--

why aren'’t you dressed?

- Because we are about to break

n'’sync'’s . Second backstage change record.

- Then, big time rush joins the rock and roll legends

on canada'’s wall of fame.

[Together] go.

- Hit it.

[Shouts and crash]

- I can'’t breathe.

- See, now do our fans

want to watch backstage derangement

or onstage amazement?

- Maybe they want both.

- ♪ Ah, ah, ah-ah, oh

♪ ah, ah, ah-ah, oh

- ♪ make it count, play it straight ♪

♪ don'’t look back, don'’t hesitate ♪

- ♪ when you go big time

- ♪ what you want, what you feel ♪

♪ never quit and make it real ♪

- ♪ when you roll big time

- ♪ oh-oh, oh-oh

- ♪ hey, hey

- ♪ listen to your heart now

- ♪ hey, hey

- ♪ don'’t you feel the rush ♪

- ♪ hey, hey

- ♪ you better take a sh*t now

- ♪ oh-oh, oh-oh

♪ oh-oh, oh-oh

- ♪ go and shake it up

♪ whatcha gotta lose

♪ go and make your luck

♪ with the life you choose

♪ if you want it all, lay it on the line ♪

♪ it'’s the only life you got so you got to live it big time ♪

- ♪ baby blow, you speak this out ♪

- sign.

Sign.

Ugh, I still say that trampoline is dangerous.

- And I say it'’s amazing,

like my fireworks.

[Fiery explosions and crackles]

[high-pitched cheers]

which you people just missed,

because nothing exciting

ever happens backstage!

- Ladies, no access without a backstage pass.

- [Speaking with french accent] here is my backstage pass.

[Bouncy accordion music]

french inspector, henri duchamp.

We are investigating a very serious case

of smuggling by carlos garcia.

- ♪ You speak this out

[wild applause and high-pitched cheering]

- let'’s change.

- Go, go, go.

[Excited shouts]

[timer beeps]

[excited shouts]

[timer beeps]

- . Seconds.

[Together] aw, come on!

- Okay, we still have three more wardrobe changes left.

N'’sync'’s record is going down tonight.

- And you'’re back on stage in seconds.

- Snack time.

- Cash time.

- Really?

- I promised myself I'’d read this entire book

by the end of tour, and tour ends in an hour.

- Who reads backstage?

- I do, okay?

And stephen hawking'’s journey through physics,

black holes, and his days at studio

are both thrilling and inspiring.

And quiet!

I have pages left to go.

- No, you should be replenishing your fluids.

Ah.

And staying limber.

- Shh.

- What was that?

Was that a burn?

Did he just burn me?

- We should be figuring out how to change faster.

- Well, we'’re not going to do that by reading.

- Oh, and your backstage limbering methods are genius.

- Hey, keep the muscles and vocal chords loose.

Shing.

[Together] waow, waow.

- Quiet.

[Together] zsh, waow.

- Seriously, come on.

[Excited shouts]

[ominous music]

- carlos garcia.

Or should I say, smuggler.

- Uh...

- You do realize it is a crime to leave france

with any of our indigenous wildlife, no matter how teeny?

- I didn'’t smuggle anything.

- Then how do you explain this scat-pod,

of the adventures of jean-pierre,

the french cricket who you take on the big-time tour

around the globe?

- Well, uh, i--

- it'’s a publicity stunt.

- His producer thought a fictional cricket

would be a fun way to promote the world tour.

- Uh-huh.

- [Speaking french ]

- I get it.

It is a ruse.

In that case, I apologize for the inconvenience,

and I bid you adieu.

-You stole a cricket?

- I didn'’t know it was illegal.

I just wanted my little buddy to see the whole world.

[Taps on plastic]

[cricket chirps]

- we'’re back.

- [Whispers] protect him.

- Let'’s go-o.

Okay, love me love me, with lots-o-trampoline.

[Wild cheers]

and super awesome steam, which you can'’t see

'’cause you'’re backstage!

- ♪ Love me, love me say you'’re gonna love me ♪

♪ I know you'’re ready to go ♪

♪ I'’m ready to go ♪

- ♪ jaw drop, heart stop, the eye lock ♪

♪ I must be dreaming, don'’t hit the alarm clock ♪

- ♪ under the lights, coming alive ♪

♪ she "thriller" tonight

- ♪ ay, ay, ay

- ♪ one dance, two dance is not enough ♪

♪ you got that glow in the dark so I'’m not giving up ♪

- ♪ I'’m reading your mind, you know I'’m a psychic ♪

♪ why you try to hide it, hide it ♪

[explosions]

[fast techno music]

♪

- ♪ Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go ♪

- ♪ love me, love me say you'’re gonna love me ♪

♪ I know you'’re ready to go♪

- ♪ I know you'’re ready to go ♪

- ♪ love me, love me say you'’re gonna love me ♪

♪ don'’t leave me out on the floor ♪

♪ I'’m saying whoa ♪

♪ don'’t tell me no ♪

♪ love me, love me say you'’re gonna love me ♪

♪ I know you'’re ready to go ♪

♪ I'’m ready to go ♪

♪ oh-oh-oh

♪ whoa-oh-oh-oh

♪ I'’m ready to go ♪

♪ oh-oh-oh

♪ go, go, go, go

♪ oh-oh-oh

♪ I'’m ready to go ♪

[wild cheering and applause]

- we can do it.

- Street look!

- We'’ve got to b*at . Seconds!

Off with my legs.

Did not need to see that.

[Exotic string music]

- yeah, I said street look, not sheik look.

[Together] go, go, go.

[Steady b*at music]

- yeah, that'’s the fresh b*at look.

- Unbelievable.

Ah.

- Yeah, that'’s the first look.

But wear it again before you k*ll yourselves.

- . ?

[Aggravated shouts]

- okay, we need to work on getting limber-er.

[Claps]

- quiet, okay.

Stephen'’s just about to confirm the heaviness

of fundamental particles.

[Sultry accordion music]

♪

[Wild shout]

- stop please.

[Loud crash and shouts]

- trying to read here.

Trying to read.

- Let me warn you of the penalties

of smuggling wildlife out of france.

You will not be allowed to perform in france...

- [Groans]

- or to eat french toast...

- [Whimpers] - or french fries.

- [Whimpers]

- dude, we don'’t have a cricket.

What you heard were squeaky crate wheels.

[Wheels squeaking]

- the tone is similar.

So we will search in every nook in the venue

until we have looked in every nook

in the venue.

- You can spit it out now.

[Cricket chirps]

you really shouldn'’t do that.

- Let'’s go-o.

Break over!

Go, go, go, go, go.

Oh, you thought the back side of curtains was exciting,

you should see the fax machine in the production office.

'’Cause nothing happens there either!

[Fax dial tone rings]

- "urgent fax.

"Please immediately suspend the use

of all metal tuff trampolines due to faulty welding."

No, nothing exciting ever happens backstage.

How about stopping the trampoline of death?

- All right, that'’s it, ladies. I'’m sorry.

No one gets backstage without a pass.

[High-pitched shouts]

- I need to get backstage.

The trampoline is gonna break.

[Trampoline creaking]

- ♪ gonna party all night

♪ it feels right, girl

[cell phone rings]

- what?

- I need you to bring me a backstage pass.

I got trapped outside of the arena.

- You got slapped and you have amnesia?

- Don'’t let the boys jump.

The trampoline is going to break.

- I know the trampoline looks great.

It actually looks a lot better if you'’re in your seat.

- No, break.

Break.

- Yes, we'’re gonna take a break after this song.

And remember, you'’re kelly.

- Don'’t! Don'’t throw your phone away.

Ah.

- ♪ Gonna party all night

♪ have the time of your life

[thunderous cheering and applause]

- we can do this.

- Street look.

[Timer beeps]

- my face! - That'’s your face?

[Timer beeps]

- . Seconds.

[Together] whoo!

- It'’s a new record.

- Yeah, you forgot your pants.

- I thought I felt a draft.

- Got to go.

[Clothes whip]

[cat howls]

[together] got to go.

- Perhaps to become legends,

we should break a different record on the wall.

Come on.

- Okay, um, high-stage dive, red hot chili peppers, feet.

- The stage is only feet high.

- Oh, snoop dogg, largest beard of bees.

- Carlos is allergic.

- Okay, we can b*at n'’sync'’s record.

- Yes, but not by reading word-pages.

- They'’re called books, james,

and they hold the answers to everything.

- Oh, hmm, do they hold the answer to this?

Waow.

- Don'’t.

We need him.

[Tense spy music]

- you just had to fight me for the terrarium.

- You wanted to put jean-pierre in a crate.

- Reading.

- Hide him in a crate,

so we could get him on the bus to america.

- You know what? He doesn'’t need your help.

- You know what? He'’s not getting it.

- Looking for something?

Like jean-pierre the cricket perhaps?

[Cricket chirps]

- [harshly whispers] katie.

K.

- Of course we saw a cricket, because canada has them too.

Hey, is that one on the ground?

- That is a dubious stain.

- Huh, then I guess we haven'’t seen a cricket.

Sorry.

- Let'’s go-o.

You, book.

You, stupid toys.

And all of you, smile.

Your fans showed up tonight to see their onstage idols,

not backstage idiots.

- Maybe they'’ve come to see both.

[Thunderous cheering and applause]

- ♪ yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, make some noise ♪

♪ hands up kids, you are on camera ♪

- ♪ have you ever had the feeling ♪

♪ you'’re drawn to someone ♪

- ♪ to someone

- ♪ and it isn'’t anything they could'’ve said or done ♪

- ♪ said or done

- ♪ and every day I see you on your own ♪

♪ and I can'’t believe that you'’re alone ♪

♪ but I overheard your girls, and this is what they said ♪

- ♪ she'’s looking for a boyfriend ♪

♪ I see it

♪ give me time, you know I'’m gonna be there ♪

♪ don'’t care or know what you'’ve done before ♪

♪ all I really want is to be your ♪

♪

♪ B-b-b-b- looking for a boyfriend ♪

♪ I see it

[trampoline creaks]

[metal scraping]

[metal clangs]

♪ all I really want is to be your ♪

[wild cheering and applause]

- omg, I heart b.t.r.,

And I think I can get backstage over this fence.

Help me, rushers.

[High-pitched cheering]

omg, I heart b.t.r.,

And I think I can get back over this fence.

Help me, security guards.

[High-pitched scream]

thud!

- ♪ I know we can turn it up all the way ♪

- [muffled] ♪ my cover girl, whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

[song grows louder] ♪ my cover girl

oh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

[metal bangs]

♪ hey-ey, oh-oh

♪ so pretty is all

- elevate look.

- Wait.

- This is our last chance to b*at n'’sync'’s record,

and we haven'’t figured out the secret of quick-changing.

- Right.

Let'’s all stay here and think about ways

we can increase our clothes-changing speed.

- Totally agree, ha ha ha, see ya!

- Got to go.

- I hate them.

- Where'’s my book?

And the couch?

- We were told to start loading the truck.

- I only had one page left to go.

Whoa, whoa, wait, wait.

I got to find my book.

No book.

No book.

- But a cricket in a world-tour terrarium.

Arrest him for illegal smuggling.

Ugh.

I cannot arrest because we are "in canada."

But big time rush will never be allowed

to perform again in france.

- What?

What is going on here?

- Carlos smuggled a cricket out of france,

and we just got busted.

- Okay, how did we miss that?

- Well, at least let him say good-bye.

[Gentle guitar music]

- oh, bye-bye, little buddy.

You almost made it to l.a.

But we'’ll always have paris,

barcelona

and berlin

and now canada.

[Cricket chirps]

no other cricket has ever seen so much.

I'’m so sorry that I'’ll never see you again.

- You know, we french don'’t understand many things--

space travel,

bikini tops,

soap--

but there'’s one thing we do understand...

Love.

Be good to him.

- Yes.

My cricket is staying.

- My book is gone.

I had one page left to go, man.

Why, why, why?

My book--i can finish.

Quiet, reading.

- Okay, why did they get happy endings, but we don'’t?

- Because we still haven'’t figured out

how to b*at n'’sync'’s quick-change time.

- How to slow down time by creating a rip

in the fabric of time.

Ha, done.

- Wait, slowing down time?

Ripping.

Fabric.

- We'’re back.

- Let her rip.

[Dramatic orchestra music]

♪

[Clothes ripping and tearing]

[timer beeps]

- . Seconds.

[Together] we'’re on the wall of fame!

- Woo-hoo-hoo.

- Now get out there, hit that trampoline,

and let'’s elevate!

- ♪ Go get a little higher

♪ mo-move your feet until you levitate ♪

♪ come on, let'’s celebrate ♪

- ♪ forget about your day

♪ under the milky way

♪ I know a place where we can go-o-o ♪

- ♪ no need to be afraid

♪ come on, I'’ll demonstrate ♪

♪ take you to outer space

- ♪ here we go, here we go-o ♪

[trampoline creaks]

[metal scraping]

- no one backstage.

And besides, nothing exciting happens backstage.

- That'’s what you think.

Sorry, boys.

I got to save the day.

[Yelling and pounding]

the trampoline'’s gonna break!

Hey, jean-pierre.

You, you get out.

- ♪ Levitate, come on, let'’s celebrate ♪

- thank you for an amazing night.

- Love you, guys. We'’ve had a blast.

We'’ll see you soon.

- ♪ Elevate

- hold it, boys.

Kendall.

[Huge expl*si*n]

logan.

[Huge expl*si*n]

james.

[Huge expl*si*n]

carlo-o-o-s.

[Huge expl*si*n]

- thank you.

[Drumroll and cheering]

- whew.

Ah.

[Applause and cheers]

- you know, this backstage can be very exciting.

- Yeah, I guess so.

- ♪ Ah, ah, ah-ah, oh

- ♪ ah, ah, ah-ah, oh

- ♪ step it up, get in gear ♪

♪ go for broke, make it clear ♪

- ♪ got to go big time

- ♪ hey, hey

- ♪ make it work, get it right ♪

♪ change the world overnight

- ♪ got to dream big time

- ♪ oh-oh, oh-oh

- ♪ hey, hey

- ♪ give it all you got now

- ♪ hey, hey

- ♪ isn'’t it a rush ♪

- ♪ oh-oh, oh-oh

♪ oh-oh, oh-oh

- ♪ go and shake it up

♪ whatcha gotta lose

♪ go and make your luck with the life you choose ♪

♪ if you want it all, lay it on the line ♪

♪ it'’s the only life you got so you got to live it big time ♪