03x02 - Big Time Returns

[bunniefuu]

- Ah, well,

btr's whirlwind world tour is officially over.

- And now it's back to the palmwoods,

where the new kids have moved in,

and none of them will know us.

- Which means we have to reestablish

our big time pool, lobby, and hallway cred

all over again.

- I hate reestablishing cred.

- Hey.

After four continents and our hotel rooms

being broken into times, I'm look forward to a little

"nobody knows us at the palmwoods" relaxing time.

All: welcome back!

[Cheers and applause]

[noisemakers rattling, horns blowing]

- huh, maybe things will be different this season.

[Horn beeps]

- and here's big time rush.

Now would be a good time to use your complimentary scissors

to get some souvenir hair.

All: very different.

- ♪ Ah, ah, ah-ah, oh

[all yelling]

- as you can see, they are very fast.

- ♪ Make it count, play it straight ♪

♪ don't look back, don't hesitate ♪

- ♪ when you go big time

- ♪ what you want, what you feel ♪

♪ never quit and make it real ♪

- ♪ when you roll big time

- ♪ oh-oh, oh-oh

- ♪ hey, hey

- ♪ listen to your heart now

- ♪ hey, hey

- ♪ don't you feel the rush

- ♪ uh-oh, uh-oh

♪ uh-oh, uh-oh

- ♪ oh

- ♪ go and shake it up

♪ whatcha gotta lose

♪ go and make your luck

♪ with the life you choose

♪ if you want it all, lay it on the line ♪

♪ it's the only life you got so you got to live it big time ♪

- keep going! Go!

[Horn beeps]

- just a second, and let me, uh,

just back the vehicle up,

and we'll continue on with the big time experience.

- What is going on around here?

- One, you're famous now.

And two, I'm jealous that bitters thought

of the big time experience before I did.

[Horn beeps]

- and three, welcome-home hug!

- And camille will be crashing down the door any second

for her welcome-home tackle.

And this year, I'm gonna let her.

- Wait. So you want to go out with camille again?

- Yup.

But I'm going to let her make the first move,

thus protecting myself from the dating disadvantage

of being the pursuer instead of the pursuee.

It's love science.

- It's something.

- Huh.

Well, she much have forgot what time we were arriving.

So a little knock on the door might help remind her.

- But if you knock on her door,

isn't that you making the first move?

- Don't question love science.

[Horn beeps]

- and there's logan now.

- Speaking of love, now that btr is famous

and has a top ten hit,

the jennifers will totally date me.

- Isn't that kind of shallow?

- Yeah.

Bye!

- Huh.

With carlos pursuing the jens,

that leaves me with sole dibs

on the love of my life:

lucy.

- Lucy is the love of your life?

- Well, she's smart and hot, so yeah.

- What would you say if I told you

that she winked at me before we left for tour,

you know, when we sang by the pool?

- I would say she probably had something in her eye

and didn't wink at you.

- Okay, sweetie, let's go.

- But I think they're gonna fight.

- All I'm saying is, is that she winked at me.

- And all I'm saying is that you should follow

the rule of dibs,

which states that the first person

to utter the word "dibs"

has proprietary claim on all

car seating, remote controls,

found money, tasty snack food, and girls.

- W--

- any violation of said rule

will result in the violator having to run one half mile

through a crowded public area in his underwear.

Anything else?

I didn't think so.

- Whoa, whoa, wait a minute!

Wait! Hey, where are you taking me?

Hey, help me!

Okay, what--

where are you taking me?

- Hello, carlos.

Welcome back.

- Griffin?

You could have just called, you know.

- No, I always prefer to do business face-to-face

with sacks.

- Okay, well, it was great to see you.

But I need to return to--

- what up, yo?

It's jojo on the radio, and tomorrow, big time rush

is gonna be here live to debut their new single.

- Sweet.

- Even sweeter, gustavo and I have decided to let you

pick which big time song jojo plays.

- Great, um, okay.

I-i pick, uh--

- love me, love me, I agree.

Let's go tell gustavo.

- Wait. I thought that I was gonna pick.

- You are,

as long as it's love me, love me.

- ♪ Love me, love me

♪ say you're gonna love me

♪ I know you're ready to go

♪ i-i'm ready to go

- but if you knock on her door,

isn't that you making the first move?

[Pounding on door]

- jimbo, what's up?

It's so good to be back.

Big time rush is back.

Whoo!

- I'm calling the cops.

- What?

- Logan?

- Hello, camille.

- So you guys got back today.

- Yeah, got back today.

Let me just say it is so good to be back.

- Great.

- Great.

Great, great.

[Siren wailing]

well, I should be going.

- Okay.

- See you around.

- Okay, I'll see you around.

- I really want to tackle him.

- No.

Logan has to make the first move this time.

You always make the first move, and what's it gotten you?

- An on-again, off-again romance filled with question marks

and no commitment.

- Just trust me.

It's love science.

Oh, hey, I'll be on channel four

if you have any more man or bathroom problems

or man-in-the-bathroom problems.

- Lucy.

Do you know what I was thinking about

all tour long,

besides, "does this have nuts in it?"

You.

- Say no more.

Close your eyes.

Both: oh!

- Hi.

- Hi.

- So how was your tour?

- Maybe you should ask james about that.

- I would, but he's crushing on me again,

and you're not crushing on me, which means we can have,

you know, an intelligent conversation.

- Yeah, can't do that right now.

- Why not?

- Because then I'd have to run

a half mile through a crowd in my underwear.

- [Laughs]

oh, my god, you're serious.

Why are you all so weird?

[Horn beeps]

- and on your right, a possible future love interest

for kendall and/or james.

[Camera shutters clicking]

- carlos, I was just gonna call you.

Griffin and I always argue over which new song to release,

so we've decided to let you pick it.

- Because you are the most honest person we know.

- I'm not always honest.

- See?

- Now, griffin wants love me, love me,

but I think our new hit song should be elevate.

- I like love me, love me.

- No, you don't.

- Yes, I do.

- Yes, I do.

- Why?

- Because love me, love me

connects to today's -...

- To -year-olds who possess the most disposable cash,

thus selling more big time rush merchandise.

- [Clears throat]

both: what's going on here?

- Love me, love me is our next big time hit.

- Uh, no. Elevate is.

- Love me, love me. - Elevate.

- Love me, love me. - Elevate!

- Hey, hey.

Doesn't anybody want to know what I think

the next hit should be?

Both: no!

- Now.

- Just make the first move.

- Katie, you know nothing of teen love.

Now, camille's coming to the pool

to read some scripts,

but instead, she's gonna be tackling me.

- He's glowing.

- You can't make the first move.

- But he's glowing.

- Shield your eyes and get out of there.

Run.

- Camille just walkie-talkie'd to someone and then left.

- Someone told her to leave me?

I just want to be tackled.

[Horn beeps]

- okay, everyone, now would be a great time

to get out and tackle glowing logan.

- You saw me talk to her.

- Yeah, I did.

Now run in your underwear.

- No.

Because she bumped into me.

Did we kiss? No.

And maybe the rule of dibs is stupid.

- [Gasps]

without rules like dibs, there's only chaos,

total girl chaos,

which sounds good but isn't.

How would you like it if i...

Un-dib-ified

the fruit pie, cupcake, mini doughnuts,

and pinkie puffs that carlos, logan, and me, and, oh, you

called dibs on in the seventh grade?

- You put those down. Those are mine.

- Oh, I'll stay away from your pinkie puffs,

and you stay away from my lucy.

- Fine, I'll stay away.

Don't talk to me.

- So you can't talk to me anymore?

You're some big star now who doesn't have any time

for his friends?

- James has dibs on you.

That's why I can't talk or hang out with you.

- James has dibs on me?

- Shh!

- So big time rush

just picks out a girl

and decides who they can and cannot date?

- Yeah.

But it's rules that prevent total girl chaos,

which sounds good, but it isn't.

- What if I called dibs on you, huh?

- Well, I guess we never really thought--

- hey, everybody.

Dibs on kendall.

And no girl can talk to or look at him.

Mwah!

What do you got to say about that?

- Do you mind holding my pants?

- ♪ Ah, ah, ah-ah, oh [girls screaming]

- stop it! Stop it!

- Yes, on bitters' big time experience,

you see your favorite stars

like you've never seen them before.

- Jojo on the radio here.

And remember, tomorrow, big time rush.

They're gonna be here live to play their new single.

- So what's that song gonna be, carlos?

- Well, if it wasn't for gustavo,

I'd still be in minnesota shoveling driveways.

- You're darn right you would.

- But I love the pony that griffin got me.

[Horse neighs]

- and there's more ponies where that came from.

- Not fair.

You're trying to buy carlos' vote.

- Wrong.

I'm simply doing business,

with ponies.

Now, what song's it going to be?

Love me, love me?

- ♪ Say you're gonna love me

[knuckles cracking]

- or elevate?

- ♪ Elevate a little higher

[knuckles cracking]

[horse neighs]

- wildfire, away!

- For the last time, I don't want to date lucy.

But lucy thinks we should take girls

off the dibs rule, and maybe she's right.

- Oh, yeah, then you can go tell her how amazing she is

to win her love.

[Laughs]

plus, you need all four members present

to remove a dib-ulation.

- He's right.

- I was there when you signed that stupid thing.

- As you can see, kendall and james

are fighting over a girl.

And if you'll all look left,

this is the time mom usually exits the bathroom.

- Bitters!

- And this is the part of the tour

where we leave very quickly.

Go!

[Shouts]

- katie, let's go.

- No, I don't understand teen love, remember?

- We have to find out who's coaching camille

and meddling with my love science.

Now, grab a measuring cup, and let's go.

- No.

Could I trouble you for a cup of sugar?

- Okay.

Sure.

- [Whistling]

oh, hello.

What's going on?

- Logan.

What are you doing?

- Oh, you know, probably just gonna tackle

some chores around the crib,

maybe play some tackle football,

and then after that, maybe do some fishing...

With a tackle box.

Well, I'll see you guys later.

Tackle.

- You know what?

Forget about the sugar.

[Static crackling]

- I'm telling you, he's too cute.

I don't know how much more of this I can take.

- Think about boogers hanging out of his nose

and kind of dangling in the wind.

- Buddha bob is stopping her tackles of love?

Well, not for long!

- Hey.

Hello.

Will you please un-dibs me?

No girls at the palmwoods will even look or talk to me.

- Do you know what the term "dibs" stands for?

"Dealer identification book,"

as in, farmers would put a chalk mark

on the back of cows that were for sale.

Am I a cow to you?

- You're not a cow.

You're great.

And you're an awesome guitar player.

And you speak your mind.

- Heck, yeah, I do.

- And you're kind of mysterious.

- Oh, I'm very mysterious.

- And you're a good cheek kisser.

- Do you need me to hold your pants?

- Yeah.

[Girls screaming]

- this is unbelievable.

- Mr. Bitters.

I would like to talk to you about your little tour.

- Of course.

Now, tour, at this moment, I'd like you all

to hold on to the hand railings, because...

[Tires squealing]

- we're not done here.

- Why are you telling camille to avoid me?

Huh?

I want some answers now.

- Well, clearly, you have commitment issues,

and you'll never be a steady boyfriend

till you conquer your insecurities

and your fear of rejection.

- Not those answers.

- Logan?

Is that true?

- What's true is, every time I come back from a long trip,

you tackle me,

and this time, you didn't.

- That's because this time, I want things to be different.

- Why don't you just tackle each other at the same time?

That way, you both make the first move.

[Laughter]

- tackle each other at the same time?

- [Laughs]

katie, you've proved once again

that you know nothing of teen love.

- That's not a terrible idea.

[Joyful orchestral music]

♪

- Whoa!

- Ouch, ah.

- He's right.

I do not get teen love.

- Mm.

- Hey, guys.

[Horse neighs]

- well, if it isn't the dib-sy twins.

- Go on.

Ask her.

Because I am done running % naked

through the palmwoods.

- Lucy, I have been thinking a lot about you

and was wondering if you would like to go on a date

with me.

- You're really sweet, james.

But it's like I said before.

I got out of a messy relationship,

and I'm just not ready for another one.

- So it's not a no.

- Oh, it's a no.

- Right, because you like kendall,

and you winked at him before we left for the tour.

- I never winked at kendall.

- Uh, yeah, you did.

- I might have had some dust in my eye,

but I never winked at you.

- So you don't want to go out with kendall either?

- Let's just say...

Kendall's undibbed.

- Well, glad there's no more confusion.

- Is it dusty out here?

- No.

Help us.

- Camille and I are dating again.

- And gustavo and griffin are gonna k*ll me

if I don't pick their favorite song

to play for jojo on the radio.

- That's simple.

Just pick the song you want to play.

- Oh, yeah, I would love to.

But question:

how does that solve the "k*ll me" part?

Both: we bring hockey sticks.

- Good morning, l.a.

What up?

It's jojo on the radio

in the studio with kendall, logan, james, and carlos.

Carlos, I understand you have btr's next hit single with you.

- I got to be honest, jojo.

It's my favorite song on the album.

- Which is love me, love me. - Which is elevate.

- Love me, love me. - Elevate.

- Love me, love me! - Elevate!

- Well, let's hear this thing.

[Upbeat rock music]

- ♪ throw it up

♪ woo hoo

♪ woo hoo

♪ yeah, yeah

- ♪ you're pretty, baby

♪ but you know that

♪ wish I could bring you

♪ across the map

♪ yeah

- ♪ I can feel it in the air ♪

♪ that it's on tonight

♪ I don't really care if it's wrong or right ♪

♪ pedal to the metal, baby, hold me tight ♪

♪ anything you want, I can get that, girl ♪

♪ if you're with that girl

- ♪ everybody knows that I want you ♪

♪ if you want me, baby, show me ♪

♪ roll the windows down, let your hair flow ♪

♪ let it all go

♪ tonight-night-night- night-night-night ♪

♪ party people

♪ woo hoo

♪ all the windows down

♪ woo hoo

♪ when I'm rollin' through your town ♪

♪ woo hoo

♪ saying yeah, yeah

- ♪ stop

- ♪ it's on and on

- ♪ whoo!

- ♪ It's on and on

♪ it's on, on, on, on, on and on ♪

- ♪ woo hoo

♪ all the windows down

♪ woo hoo

♪ when I'm rollin' through your town ♪

♪ woo hoo

♪ saying yeah, yeah

♪ woo hoo

- I got to say, guys.

I like that song.

I predict that is the next big time hit right there.

- Ah.

- That's it for the jojo on the radio show.

Special guests big time rush, thank you guys for hanging out.

- Thank you for having us.

- Now let's go back to the palmwoods

so we can wrap up their show.

- Now that we're all assembled

and have agreed that dibs on girls

creates total girl chaos

rather than preventing it...

- Girls are hereby removed from the rule of dibs.

Both: agreed.

- And now let's celebrate this historic occasion

by feasting on the snack cakes that we've coveted and dibbed

for almost six years.

- Go!

- You guys know you're eating

all the wrong snack cakes, right?

Kendall dibbed the fruit pie; james, the cupcakes;

carlos, the pinkie puffs; and logan, the mini doughnuts.

- ♪ Ah, ah, ah-ah, oh [girls screaming]

- okay, when we get back to the crib,

let's just get rid of the rule of dibs altogether.

[Horn beeps]

- take your pictures now,

'cause I think this is bitters' last big time experience!

- Bitters!

- ♪ Step it up, get in gear ♪

♪ go for broke, make it clear ♪

- ♪ got to go big time

- ♪ hey, hey

- ♪ make it work, get it right ♪

♪ change the world overnight

- ♪ got to dream big time

- ♪ oh-oh, oh-oh

- ♪ hey, hey

- ♪ give it all you got now

- ♪ hey, hey

- ♪ isn't it a rush

- ♪ oh-oh, oh-oh

♪ oh-oh, oh-oh

- ♪ go and shake it up

♪ whatcha gotta lose

♪ go and make your luck with the life you choose ♪

♪ if you want it all, lay it on the line ♪

♪ it's the only life you got so you got to live it big time ♪