04x02 - Big Time Scandal

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Big Time Rush". Aired November 2009 - July 2013.*
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A look at life for the members of a boy band who are trying to make it big in the music industry.
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04x02 - Big Time Scandal

Post by bunniefuu »

- Dogs, with the increased boy band competition

and instant entertainment news,

it is more important than ever to avoid bad press

and scandalous photo ops.

Like that!

- What? We can't go jogging anymore?

- I'm competing against this! - This takes work!

- No!

Because I want you guys to think of ways

to get us good press

and back to the top!

- Ooh!

How about "james diamond dates taylor swift"?

- Oh, how about-- pbbt!

'Cause the last thing big time rush needs right now

is to get swifted.

- Swifted?

What is "swifted"?

- It's what you call it whenever you date taylor swift,

do something stupid,

then she writes a hit song telling the entire world

that you're a total jerkface.

- Which will ruin your sweet and cute reputation

and destroy the band!

- Got it.

No jogging, no taylor swift,

and no scandals.

- You guys!

Your old friend lucy stone

just came out with her first cd,

and everyone is raving about it.

- Awesome! - Good for her.

- That's awesome. - Great.

- Yeah, wait till you hear

her hot new single that dropped today:

you dumped me for her.

It's about how kendall dumped lucy for jo

and is a total jerkface!

- Oh, no. I've been swifted.

- ♪ Ah, ah, ah-ah, oh

- ♪ make it count, play it straight ♪

♪ don't look back, don't hesitate ♪

- ♪ when you go big time

- ♪ what you want, what you feel ♪

♪ never quit and make it real ♪

- ♪ when you roll big time

- ♪ oh-oh, oh-oh

- ♪ hey, hey

- ♪ listen to your heart now

- ♪ hey, hey

- ♪ don't you feel the rush

- ♪ uh-oh, uh-oh

♪ uh-oh, uh-oh

- ♪ oh

- ♪ go and shake it up

♪ whatcha gotta lose

♪ go and make your luck

♪ with the life you choose

♪ if you want it all, lay it on the line ♪

♪ it's the only life you got so you got to live it big time ♪

- ♪ you dumped me for her

♪ you gave me your word

♪ you kissed me in an elevator ♪

♪ then you said, "see you later" ♪

♪ how could you do that

[music stops]

- okay. That song could be about anyone.

- Swifted? Really?

You couldn't go out and punch old ladies instead?

- I'm telling you,

the things she said about me in this song

didn't happen.

- Okay, here's what happened:

whatever people think happened.

- This song is gonna be huge.

And if people think

that you dumped america's new pop princess,

your fans are gonna dump you!

- Okay, we need to go find lucy right now

and see if she's still hurting

and see if she'll go out with me.

- Try again.

- Okay, we need to go find lucy right now

and make sure she says the song is not about kendall.

- Okay, according to this, she's at colossal studios today

casting for her new music video...

Elevator kisses.

- Huh?

- Ah, move out!

- Okay! - Go, go, go, go, go!

- Let's go! - Come on, guys!

- Ahh! Stop!

E! News...

Tv, web, and instant mobile update crews!

- How did they get here so fast?

- Because they're the fastest entertainment news team

in the world.

And I hate them!

And I don't want you talking to them

until you talk to lucy.

Now, take the back door!

- I'll go with him,

'cause I really want to make out with lucy.

- Hmm? - Try again.

- I'll go with him, 'cause I work out,

and I can help him fight off the press.

Come on! - You--oh!

- Don't worry, gustavo.

I can handle these guys.

- Don't worry, gustavo.

I can handle carlos

so he doesn't do anything scandalous.

- All right! Let's do this.

- Right.

- There they are! Oh, oh, oh! There they are!

Is lucy stone's new single about kendall?

- Why is kendall such a jerkface?

- Is everybody in big time rush a jerkface?

- We have no idea why anyone would think

this song is about kendall.

- Okay, okay, just stay here and do nothing.

- He's a great dancer! - He's caring!

- He's very--he's very-- he smells good!

- Yeah. - He loves animals, okay?

[Bee buzzing]

if he sees a cat, he's gonna pet it.

He's got a nice shoe size. - He--he's wholesome.

He's caring. He loves his mother.

He loves mymother.

- Yeah, he's a good listener.

He's, uh, kind. He's responsible.

He's an upstanding citizen.

He can stand up-- stands up all the time.

- Responsible!

He is a friend to the whales.

You know, he got a-- a

on the verbal section of the--

- die!

- [Shrieking]

[camera shutters clicking]

- carlos hits old ladies!

- Big time rush are big time jerkfaces.

- Carlos is worse than kendall!

- [Yelps]

- we have a story! - No!

- Not true at--at all-- ugh!

- Bah!

Bah!

- I-i-i saw the whole thing!

He never touched her!

- I was just swatting a bee away.

[Tires squealing]

[gasps] - it's okay.

They are gonna look at the footage

and realize that you were just helping her,

not hitting her.

Right?

- Tonight on e!,

Big time rush's carlos garcia...

Slaps a granny?

Don't miss the shocking details tonight at :.

- You know, that does look like he's hitting her.

- [Shouting] I think!

- Why are we at the palmwoods?

Pretty sure lucy is not casting her music video

in the lobby.

- Because first jo needs to hear

that the lyrics from lucy's song

"he said he's glad she's gone and I'm his ms. Moving on"

did not come from these lips!

- Hey! I just heard lucy's new song.

- And you're mad.

Here.

- Yeah, I'm mad...

Mad at her.

No one swifts my man!

We have to find lucy,

get her to say the song is not about you

before every fan-girl turns against you.

- So you're not mad at me...

And I can return these $ earrings.

- Oh, no, I'll take 'em.

- And I'll take the chocolates

and give them to lucy so we can eat 'em...

After we make out.

- Try again.

- And I'll take the chocolates and give them to lucy

so she says the song is not about you.

Then we'll make out.

- Try again.

- I'll stay here

so I don't screw up things with my make-out quest.

- [Snaps fingers]

bye, buddy.

- Bye.

[Mournful music]

[groans]



[Moans]

[whimpers pleadingly]

- okay, I'll bite.

What's the problem?

- We're not allowed to jog anymore!

My make-out quest has ended!

Kendall got swifted!

And this is some weird fruit flavor!

[Glass shatters]

- you left out "carlos slaps grannies."

Sounds like big time rush

is in the middle of some big time scandals.

- Yeah, which is why you need to help me get some good press

so everyone will forget those bad btr scandals.

- Okay, how about you teach aqua aerobics

at our overcrowded prisons?

- Mm, what else you got?

- You promise to donate all future earnings to...

Save the koalas.

- And what have they ever done for me?

- [Sighs]

how about you sing a duet

with brit pop princess cher lloyd?

She's recording in l.a.

- Mm-hmm. Small problem.

I might have lit off some fireworks

at a party once

and might have sort of blown up her car.

So a duet's never gonna happen.

- Doesn't have to happen.

People just have to think it happened.

- Okay, let's do another take,

but could you turn my vocal up a tad more?

And watch the levels close.

[Synthesized pop music]

- ♪ 'cause you got me flying

♪ with your love

♪ shining

♪ with your love

♪ riding

♪ with your love

♪ I feel like I'm on top of the world ♪

♪ with your love

♪ one hit with your love

[camera clicking]

♪ can't quit with your love

- and send.

- ♪ I feel like I'm on top of the world ♪

♪ with your love

[headphones clatter]

- and more in big time rush news

as these photos were leaked,

showing james diamond lending his vocal

to the new cher lloyd single.

It should be cher-riffic.

- Okay, which one of these actors

looks like the bad boyfriend you wrote the song about?

Just pick one.

- Not bad.

Mm, eyebrows too small.

Hmm, he's close.

Not tall enough--

[record needle scratching]

wait.

- Hey, lucy.

Can we, uh, talk about your new song?

By the way,

these guys look nothing like me.

- Kendall, kendall, there's lucy!

Now's your chance. Come on.

- [Chuckles]

- okay, well, I called e! News,

and they do make me furious,

but they are also fair.

- And we can explain

that carlos was helping the old lady,

not hurting.

- Oh!

- No, stay away from that granny.

- But she dropped her purse!

- That is her problem, not ours!

- I know, but she can't pick it up.

- Fine. Fine.

I'll help her, okay?

Hello, ma'am. Let me help you with that.

Here you go, ma'am.

- Oh, thank you. - Of course.

- Oh! - Oh!

Oh, okay, okay! Get your footing!

Oh, okay, oh, okay! You got a strong grip, lady!

I got you! There we--i got you!

Okay, careful.

- Oh!

They saw you pick up the purse, right?

They saw you were helping, right?

- Oh! - I...

- Tonight at : on e!,

We have exclusive footage

of btr's logan mitchell robbing an old lady.

- Yeah, I don't think they saw him pick up the purse.

[Both screaming]

- [laughs]

I can't believe I'm singing a duet

with cher lloyd!

- I can't either,

because it didn't actually happen.

- Ah, but remember,

it's not about what really happened;

it's what people think happened.

Thud!

- James!

- I think cher found your address and is mad.

- Hey, duet partner! [Laughs]

i--i bet you have a ton of questions,

so let me start by saying, uh, one,

it is great to see you.

And, two...

- Wait!

I can't run very fast in these heels!

[Dramatic music]

- you know, it's pretty presumptuous of you

to assume that you dumped me for her

is about you.

- It's not?

- No, of course it is.

- [Sighs]

- look, I know you may hate me,

but if you swift me,

you're swifting the whole band,

and they don't deserve that.

- I don't hate you,

and I love the guys,

so don't sweat it.

I won't say the song is about you.

- Great!

Thank you.

- Okay, let's go.

- The song is great, by the way,

but it's not exactly accurate.

- Hmm, how so?

- Doesn't matter. Let's go.

- [Scoffs]

well, I didn't dump you for jo

because we were never officially going out.

- We weren't?

- We really should be going.

- Well, no, because it was more like half a date.

- Yeah, well, there's no rhyme for "half a date."

- "Have to wait." Boom.

- Okay. Rhyme this.

See you at my press conference,

where I tell the entire world that the song is about you

and that you're a total jerkface.

- Oh...

- This just in: lucy stone

is holding a press conference tonight at : p.m.

Where she will reveal the identity

of the dating jerkface she sings about

in her new hit single.

[Both screaming]

- so kelly and I decided it would be a great idea

for us all to get together and have a little recap.

And let's start with--

I said no scandals!

- Uh, well, lucy did agree to say her song wasn't about me.

- But then he said something stupid,

and now she's telling everyone at a press conference.

- Fix it before e! News airs tonight at :!

- Yeah, meanwhile, we'll be dealing with logan and carlos'

two granny scandals.

- Technically, we should count that

as one large granny scandal.

- Hmm, yeah, technically...

[Screams]

- why can't you guys be more like james?

He got a duet with cher lloyd.

[Banging] - james!

I know you're in there recapping!

- Ah, duet, scam...

- Open this door right now!

- We should leave now.

- Quick! The secret passage!

- Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

- Go, go now!

- Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Come on! Come on!

Fix those scandals!

- This...is all your fault.

- Cher's here.

- [Yelps]

- hello, james. I'd like a little word with you.

- Cher, I'm so sorry for crashing your song,

but big time rush are caught in some scandals,

and you and me singing together would fix those scandals

'cause you're cool and awesome--

please, not the face.

- Calm down!

I guess there's no harm done.

But after my video sh**t today,

I shall be releasing a statement

saying that you and I

were just messing around for the cameras

and there is no duet.

- I like it. Smart.

Ding!

[Triumphant fanfare]

- cheerio, darlings!

- Ready to crash cher's music video?

- ♪ Duet time

- so the only way to fight celebrity scandal

is to counter bad press

with good press.

- So we record footage

of us helping an old lady across the street.

- Then we send the footage to e! News,

and big time granny scandal is over!

- I hate all of you.

- Let's go, granny g.

[Cheerful music]



- [Whispering] guys...

I need to see your faces.

- Oh...

[Horn blaring]

- [screams]

- where did he go?

Gustavo?

- Where did he go?

- Let's face it.

This scandal is bigger than we are,

and we're gonna need some help.

- Okay, here's what you do.

First, you need some ant spray and a burlap sack.

- Stop right there.

- Just get back together with lucy.

She'll forgive you.

Cancel the press conference.

And I'll date jo.

- No!

- All right, forget about the ant spray

and the burlap sack.

Now, how long can the two of you hold your breath?

- Stop it.

- I disguise myself as lucy,

say the song is not about kendall,

then tell the whole world

to watch camille roberts' amazing performance

in rock camp : still campin'.

What? I could use the exposure.

- Well, that's it. I'm getting swifted.

Lucy's gonna say it's me at her press conference,

and my reputation will be destroyed.

- Well, since she swifted you,

why don't you just kanye her?

- Great idea!

What's the caveman talking about?

- Kanye west blocked taylor swift

from speaking onstage.

He just kept talking,

and she could never get a word in.

- So we get into her press conference

and keep her from swifting me.

- And how are we gonna do that?

- [Exhales deeply]

okay, everybody.

Picture this...

- ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh

♪ now, picture this first kiss ♪

♪ 'neath the moonlight

♪ slow dance

♪ cover band playing all night

♪ meant to be

♪ cool breeze

♪ feeling so right

♪ picture this

♪ picture this

♪ when you look into

♪ your future

♪ who's there standing

♪ with you

♪ when you close your eyes

- ♪ whoa, whoa

- ♪ do you see

♪ what I see

♪ you and me

♪ it's like a movie scene

♪ that's the way

♪ you know it should be

♪ the two of us together

♪ girl, can you picture this?

- ♪ Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, whoa-oh ♪

- ♪ girl, can you picture this? ♪

- ♪ Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, whoa-oh ♪

- ♪ the two of us together

- ♪ whoa-oh, whoa-oh, whoa-oh ♪

- ♪ girl, can you picture this? ♪

- ♪ Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, whoa-oh ♪

- ♪ girl, can you picture this? ♪

♪ Do you see

♪ what I see

♪ you and me

♪ it's like a movie scene

♪ that's the way

♪ you know it should be

♪ the two of us together

♪ girl, can you picture this?

♪ When you look into

♪ your future

♪ who's there standing

♪ with you

♪ when you close your eyes

- [screams]

- ♪ whoa, oh, oh

- ♪ do you see

♪ what I see

♪ you and me

♪ it's like a movie scene

♪ that's the way

♪ you know it should be

♪ the two of us together

- james!

- ♪ Girl, can you picture this? ♪

♪ Can you picture this?

- Okay, lucy's press conference is in minutes.

Let's just hope the other guys get rid of their scandals too.

- Did you guys get the footage?

Bus! [Chuckles]

do people think that you're nice to old ladies?

Bus!

- The only thing that people know

is what e!showed them

because that's the only footage of carlos' bee slap

and logan's purse snatch.

- Agh!

Wait.

Security cameras.

- Go! Go! Go! Go!

They might have the angles that show what really happened.

- And then we can send it to e!

- [Sighs] come on.

Come on!

[Peppy instrumental music]

- this just in:

new footage that proves

big time rush is actually helpful

and not hurtful to old ladies.

All: yes!

- But big time scandals still remain

as the world waits for pop princess lucy stone

to announce the identity of the jerkface boyfriend

in her song.

Is it kendall knight?

We have all the details tonight at : p.m.

- [Screams]

- whoo!

Kendall couldn't stop the press conference!

- Ah! You're supposed to be hiding from cher.

- [Yelps]

- james, get up.

- Please, cher, not the face.

[Dramatic music]

- you're lucky, you cheeky chipmunk.

- Come again?

- Yeah. Come again?

- Well, it turns out

my director loved the video with you in it.

And he released a cut of it online

without my approval.

But the fans loved it,

and we got million hits online.

See?

- Cool. - Okay, well, I've got to run.

I've got to see my director in the hospital.

- Why is he in the hospital?

- Well, like I said,

he released the video without my approval.

- And I've got to run too.

Lucy's about to taylor swift my best friend!

- How do you live with them?

- It's so hard.

- ♪ You dumped me for her

♪ you gave me your word

[crowd murmuring]

[camera shutters clicking]

- rumors have been swirling

as to who my song you dumped me for heris about

and whether or not it's kendall knight.

And I'm here now to tell you all the truth

and to answer all your questions.

- Yes, candy canderson, scandaliciousmagazine.

Can you name every star in the universe?

And go.

- Um...

I was thinking the questions would be more about the song.

- I have a question.

Can you see me when I do this?

'Cause I can't see you.

- Yes, I can see you.

- Uh...

Uh, do you think banana bread

makes an effective bait for monkey fish?

Also, I have follow-up questions.

- Buddha bob.

- Yeah. Uh, no!

- You're busted!

Quick. Hide.

- The question I want to answer

is who the guy in my song is,

and, in fact, he is sitting right--

- what if...

[Record needle scratching]

you were wrong about the jerkface in your song?

[Clears throat]

- maybe he was just really confused

and never meant to hurt you

and is the coolest guy I know.

[Clears throat]

- maybe you should date james diamond instead

and make out with him.

[Chuckles]

I mean...

[Whispers] help us.

- Okay. [Chuckles]

the song you dumped me for her

is really about...

[Crowd murmuring]

[dramatic music]

not kendall knight.

[Crowd murmuring]

it's a combination

of a few different guys I've known.

I had one kiss and half a date with kendall.

And it was very sweet.

It was great to see all of you again.

And thanks for coming.

[Reporters clamoring]

♪ you dumped me for her

- so after all the hoopla,

it turns out that lucy stone's smash

you dumped me for her

is not about kendall knight,

who is not a total jerkface.

- [Quietly] yes!

- I got to say,

that was really nice of lucy to do that.

Both: agreed!

- And it was really nice of you

not to get mad at me.

Those lyrics were kind of hurtful.

- They're just lyrics.

And we can always turn off the song and forget about it.

- True.

- I mean, it's not like lucy

is living here to keep reminding us.

- Hey, guys.

I'm moving back into the palmwoods.

- Okay. - Cool.

[Foreboding music]



Both: ♪ uh, uh, uh-uh-oh

[elevator dings]

- [whispers] she will be mine.

- ♪ Step it up, get in gear ♪

♪ go for broke, make it clear ♪

- ♪ got to go big time

- ♪ hey, hey

- ♪ make it work, get it right ♪

♪ change the world overnight

- ♪ got to dream big time

- ♪ oh-oh, oh-oh

- ♪ hey, hey

- ♪ give it all you got now

- ♪ hey, hey

- ♪ isn't it a rush

- ♪ oh-oh, oh-oh

♪ oh-oh, oh-oh

- ♪ go and shake it up

♪ whatcha gotta lose

♪ go and make your luck with the life you choose ♪

♪ if you want it all, lay it on the line ♪

♪ it's the only life you got so you got to live it big time ♪
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