03x07 - No More Mr. Nice Guy

[bunniefuu]

- You dated Maddie and Emma?

They don'’t seem your type at all.

What did they do, cast a spell on you or something?

- Actually, can you keep a secret?

- Sure.

- Wait, what do I care if it'’s a secret or not?

Emma and Maddie are both wi--

- Daniel.

- What are you doing here?

Are you stalking me?

- You texted me... that you had to talk to me?

- No, I didn'’t.

We broke up.

Remember?

- Yes, I remember.

But you texted me.

Sure I did.

[dance music playing]

♪

Look, I'’m sorry, but we'’re done.

This whole stalking thing is getting creepy.

- I'’m not stalking you. [sighs]

Believe me, I'’d rather not be here right now.

But I am glad I interrupted you before you--

Well, what were you about to tell Mia about me and Maddie?

- None of your business.

- Really? '’Cause it sounded like

you were about to tell her about...

M-A-G-I-C.

- People around here can spell, you know.

And so what if I was?

Plenty of us non-witches know.

Andi, Katie, Sophie, me.

The secret'’s out, so no biggie.

- But you can trust them.

You just met Mia.

You don'’t know if you can trust her.

- Right, like I could trust you.

♪

If you'’ll excuse me,

Mia'’s waiting for me.

♪

[upbeat pop music]

WOMAN: ♪ I cast a spell

♪ It takes a hold of you

♪ I see my dreams

♪ And they'’re all coming true ♪

♪ Come on

♪ Let'’s go ♪

♪ You and me together

♪ Look up ahead

♪ There'’s a magical adventure ♪

♪ Every witch way

♪ Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay

♪ I'’m trying every witch way ♪

♪ Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay

♪ I'’m going every witch way ♪

♪ Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay

♪ Every witch way

- Daniel, it'’s Diego again.

Where are you, man?

We'’re about to be disqualified.

Great, now we'’re starting the season at the bottom.

- I can'’t take this!

[whistle blows]

[cheering and applause]

- That'’s it. The race started.

We'’re out.

[electronic music]

Hey. Where'’s Andi?

- Oh, she'’s giving Gigi an interview?

The pain of losing must be really clouding her judgment.

♪

- So, Andi, do you have any idea where Daniel is?

It looks like the Sharks are gonna lose

without their best and cutest swimmer.

- Yeah, it looks like it.

You know what, I have never lost

a regional qualifying meet before, it is rough.

- I'’m sure it is.

But seriously, do you know where Daniel is?

- No! Daniel, if you are out there

watching this, you better run and you better hide

because I have a nuclear atomic sumo-sized wedgie

waiting for you with your name on it.

♪

- [gasps] Hey, watch it.

Precious cargo here.

So, as I was saying,

I got our outfits ready for the fifth annual

LARPing event tonight,

and we'’ll meet at : at Seven--

- You'’re not suggesting we go.

- But you said we could get a whole team together.

I registered us for the Fairy Fantasy Island quest--

- [gasps] My name is on the sign-up list?

- I wanna be a unicorn.

- It'’s tonight!

I don'’t have time to get another team by tonight.

You said you'’d do it if I helped you with your mom and Diego.

- Yeah, and my mom still hates Proxy.

So your help didn'’t do anything, and I don'’t have to SLURP.

- It'’s LARP!

[pouts] Never mind.

- Okay.

Pass them over.

Very carefully.

- Cute purse. - Thanks.

[laughs softly] I mean...

[gasps]

- [gasps] - [gasps]

- What'’s the matter? Not a cute purse?

- Don'’t play dumb with me.

- Yeah, she invented playing dumb.

- You'’re a boyfriend stealer.

- Yeah, and we don'’t like those.

- What are you talking about?

- Emma and Daniel?

You and Daniel?

We saw you at the party.

- Canoodling.

- Canoodling?

Who says that?

- It'’s an Iridium High thing.

We all have very sensitive vocabularities.

- I can see that.

- The point is,

you'’re trying to steal Daniel from Emma.

- Yeah.

- Yeah. Wait.

But Emma stole Daniel from you first.

- Uh...

- There you go.

No need to be mad at me.

- But...we were broken up!

- For the th time.

I counted.

- So it wasn'’t stealing.

It'’s like when someone leaves a lip gloss or a compact..

[chuckles]

Or a cashmere sweater

on the bathroom counter.

Up for grabs.

- Okay, but I'’m not stealing Daniel.

MADDIE: Yeah, right.

I'’ve seen the way you look at him.

Lock up, would you?

[pop music]

♪

- Oh, man.

Daniel really needs a can of Andi Judo chops

opened on his sorry butt.

- Um, thank you? I think.

- You know what? He'’s been missing swim meets,

blabbing on about magic. But you know what?

He'’s going to get an extra special surprise

in his goggles today, yeah.

Mental note: Grab an extra hot sauce at lunch today.

- There'’s gotta be something magic-related going on with him.

- But we looked through the spell-o-vision goggles

and we didn'’t see anything.

- I know, but I'’m sure

there'’s magic the goggles can'’t see.

Magic that isn'’t from spells.

- You mean like magic from non-witch species?

Generated from a unicorn horn or--or Phoenix feathers?

I mean, uh...

[clearing throat] How horrible.

And we need to get to the bottom of this.

JAX: Bottom of what?

[both gasp]

- We think Daniel'’s under the influence

of some non-witch magic.

- Yeah, I mean, you went to witch school.

I mean, did you learn about this?

- Yeah, I guess, but I-I never really paid attention, so--

- You'’re useless.

- So useless that I can make horns appear

on your head without even talking.

- Wait, really? Wait, what kind?

Elk? Antelope? Caribou!

- So what are you doing?

- Oh, we'’re following Daniel around.

- To figure out what'’s wrong with him.

Will you help?

- No way, Em. I am not spying on Daniel.

- Please, Jax, I need you.

- Okay, what do I do?

- Jemma'’s even more nauseating that Demma.

- I say we take turns following Daniel.

Watch his every move and see if we notice anything unusual.

- This will be interesting.

Following Daniel without using magic once.

- Eh, don'’t worry about it, guys.

You can always learn from the spy master.

- Sophie? - The T?

♪

- Me!

Stupid.

♪

[dramatic music]

♪

- The way I look at him?

[scoffs]

That'’s crazy.

♪

I like him for real.

♪

This will teach you a lesson.

♪

- Emma is still so young.

- Yes, but she'’s growing stronger by the day.

Soon we'’ll not be able to control her.

- Maybe you just didn'’t do the spell right.

- [gasps] Don'’t be silly.

Of course I did the spell right.

[chuckles] I'’d like to see you try.

- [laughs]

Child'’s play.

[playful music]

♪

- [gasps]

- What are they doing?

- It'’s unclear.

- They seem to be secretly watching

and collecting information on that Miller chap.

Oh.

He'’s so strange-looking.

I mean, stranger than usual.

- Mm. - He'’s always had that big head.

And those oddly-colored eyeballs.

♪

- [laughs] Voila.

- [laughs]

Are you sure you did the spell correctly?

- Wait, I got...distracted.

- Mm.

- Let me try again.

[blowing]

♪

Ah-ha, ooh-hoo, ooh-hoo.

- Oh, all right.

No need to get up on your high horse about it.

♪

- Ow, watch it!

- I think he saw us! - No, no way.

I mean, those plants were totally hiding his view.

- Andi?

- Way to go, master spy.

- It'’s spy master!

- Are you hiding behind the planter?

- Oh, no, what do we do?

- Quick, create a diversion.

- Uh...uh... three kangaroos in a fuss

make Daniel forget about us.

[pop music]

What?

- What happened to your powers?

- I don'’t know.

You do something!

- Well, look what we have here.

I have three stalkers now.

- Four!

- What?

- [whispering] I love you.

- I bought some awesome accessories

to wear on our lunch date.

- Maddie, I told you,

I'’m not wearing a tux for lunch.

- Not that. [chuckles]

But you'’d look super cute. [giggles]

- [laughs softly]

- That'’s strange.

[pop music]

No!

[gasps]

♪

My favorite shoes!

♪

I told you to lock my locker!

- I locked it. I don'’t know what happened.

- Here.

Let me try to dry them, okay?

[dramatic music]

♪

Oh, no!

I'’m sorry.

I-I must have held it too long.

- It'’s not your fault.

It'’s yours!

- I locked it! I know I did!

- You can definitely forget about us going

to that LARD...quest thingy!

Who wants to look for lard anyway?

[lively music]

- [sighs] That was embarrassing.

- So much for the big, bad witch.

- Wizard.

- Or neither, apparently.

- It'’s not working.

- You know what? Maybe you just wore them out.

It happens to my game consoles all the time.

- And how did you fix them?

- Eh, just smash '’em against the wall a couple times.

You want me to do that right now?

- Don'’t even think about it.

- I doubt you wore your powers out.

You'’d have to be casting spells all night in order to--Jax!

- I was just excited that I had my powers back.

I know I got carried away, but don'’t worry.

I didn'’t do anything bad.

- But doesn'’t Lily scan you for spell residue?

- Yeah, but I figured that if I stopped by midnight or so

that the radar wouldn'’t pick it up the next day.

- And today it won'’t pick anything up at all.

- Right.

If Lily finds out that I have zero powers,

then she'’ll bust me for overusing them.

- Don'’t worry, we'’ll figure it out.

- Oh, yeah, we'’ll just figure it out,

'’cause we don'’t have enough going on already

with Daniel Darko.

♪

- Hey, Katie, what are you doing?

- Nothing.

- Is that a Fairy Farrah the Flyer costume?

- Yes.

You--you know this game?

- A little. Not much.

- There'’s a LARPing festival today

and I'’m going as Fairy Farrah.

- Cool. Are Sophie and Maddie going

with you as Fairy Frenchie and Fanny?

- No.

They'’re not coming.

- Oh.

Well, I'’ll go with you... if you want.

- Really?

You can wear this costume

or the one I made for Maddie.

Or you just... don'’t need to go in costume.

- Of course I'’ll go in costume.

It wouldn'’t be LARPing without one, right?

- Awesome.

- Are you really going to that geekfest?

- Don'’t knock it till you'’ve tried it.

And hey, every super villain needs a sidekick, right?

- Super villain?

- That'’s me.

For stealing you from Emma.

- Nobody steals me from anybody.

Besides, I'’m getting a little sick of her...

[snaps fingers] Problems.

- What does that mean?

[tense music]

- You haven'’t noticed yet?

♪

- Noticed what?

- All the witches walking around.

- Witches, like, mean girls?

- No. Witches.

Em and Maddie are real witches.

Real life spell-casting, trouble-brewing witches!

♪

[upbeat music]

- Andi.

What are you doing?

- Um...I was...

I was just stretching.

Yeah, but I went a little too far.

Yeah, not as limber as I thought.

- Uh, are you okay?

- Yeah, yeah, I'’m okay.

Just a little knee dislocation,

but I'’ll just pop it right back in.

Anyways...I couldn'’t help but,

you know, overhear this little conversation

about "Hugo'’s Haunted Hovel,"

ha, your favorite video game. Hm.

- What?

No, I wasn'’t, and no, it isn'’t.

That game stinks.

- Okay, okay, yeah.

You'’re just saying that because...my mummy TP'’d

your headless pirate.

- Yeah, you wish.

But no, I was actually telling Mia here about witches.

You know...

Emma, Maddie, Nurse--

- Oh, oh, oh, my gosh!

Yeah, yeah, you know what?

You know what'’s going on?

He has virtual realityitis.

- What'’s that? - Yeah, um...

well, it'’s when your video game life

bleeds into your real life and you can'’t tell the difference.

Yeah, you know what? It'’s a real epidemic.

We--we gotta go see Nurse Lily, come on.

- Another witch. - Yeah, Daniel. [chuckles]

JAX: Hey, thanks for doing this for me.

I know you'’ve got a lot to worry about.

- Well, you'’re helping me with Daniel, so I'’m helping you.

- So how is this going to work?

- Just leave the door open a cr*ck.

Then if Lily asks you to do a spell,

just do your signature move

and I'’ll do it for you from out here and...

- Jax will be here for his probation check any minute.

If the spell scan comes up empty,

we'’ll know these are his powers and not Emma'’s.

- Oh, the scanner is so old. It can'’t be trusted.

- Then I'’ll have him do a few spells for me.

- It sounds like a fine plan.

- But you two can'’t be here.

- Why not?

- Because.

Jax might not get suspicious and tell his father about us.

And next thing you know,

we'’re on the front page of "Magic Realm Daily."

- She'’s right.

We should go.

- No.

I must see it with my own eyes.

I know that you don'’t fully trust me, and I don'’t trust you.

So I'’ll just...hide.

- Oh, no, no, no. - Right...

JAX: Nurse Lily?

[playful music]

- Oh, here. - No!

Wait! You don'’t fit there!

- I'’m like a pretzel doing yoga.

[laughs]

- Uh...

- I'’m here for my probation?

- Uh...come in, come in.

Uh, let'’s get started with the scan.

♪

- Thanks for meeting me here.

I didn'’t want to get lost.

Especially looking like this.

- No problem.

So you'’re clear on the back-story?

The dark fairy put the elfin king under a sleeping spell

and then summoned a dragon to enslave the village

against Fairy Farrah'’s wishes.

- Yeah, dragons, Farrah, sleep.

So, how long do these things last?

I have homework to do, lots of it.

- Don'’t worry, I'’ll have you home before sunrise.

- Sunrise?

That'’s like, hours from now!

[laughs softly]

I'’m just worried about my homework.

- Well, don'’t worry, I'’ll do it for you.

Okay, so now about the fairies.

So then you have Fairy Farrah.

She'’s like, the biggest fairy of all...

[lively music]

- See?

No overuse of my powers, no siree.

- Yeah, I see that.

The scanner'’s not picking up a single magical particle.

Are you telling me you haven'’t done any spells whatsoever?

- Uh...nope.

I'’ve just been focusing on

being a responsible wizard.

- Or have you been doing so many spells

that you wore out your powers?

- [laughing]

Of course--of course not.

- Okay, so do a spell.

Make something appear.

- Sure, I can do that. Uh...

I'’ll make something appear.

JAX: [clears throat] Mm.

I'’ve been waiting for an hour.

Uh...I want to see a...

- Pizza tower.

- Flower!

Pizza?

Pizza tower!

[laughs nervously] Yum?

[playful music]

Pizza tower.

♪

- Emma, there you are!

- Shh!

- I need to talk to you.

- In a minute!

- No, now!

[dramatic music]

- Oh.

Interesting choice.

Now, an animal spell.

- Sure, I can do that.

Uh, an animal spell.

- I can'’t believe this!

- I heard him.

- Did she believe him?

- Animal spell, yes.

- And, uh, we'’re running out of time, so hurry.

♪

- This spell will put me in the clear.

Make a turtle appear.

- I don'’t know.

I mean, I tried to say

he had virtual realityitis, but...

yeah, I don'’t know how convincing I was.

- What are we gonna do if the council finds about--

JAX: Sorry, I-I think my hand is just cramping up.

Here we go again.

This spell will put me in the clear.

So make a turtle appear.

- Oh, no. Jax.

♪

- I'’m just a little tired.

I'’ll get it, I promise, okay.

- Stay down!

- Uh, okay, okay.

This spell will put me in the clear.

Make a turtle appear!

- Oh, no!

- I can do this, I can do this.

- No!

- I'’ve got this.

♪

The spell will put me in the clear.

Make a turtle appear!

- Stop it!

- Just one more chance.

- What'’s going on in here?

- Admit it, it worked!

- No, it didn'’t.

Didn'’t you see those pizza boxes?

- Witch-Wizard fight!

- The spell will put me in the clear.

Make a turtle appear!

♪

- Oh, no.

- It worked.

♪

- Come on, Mad, I'’m closing up.

- Let me text her again.

I'’m sure she'’s on her way.

- I don'’t think Katie'’s coming.

- You think she stood us up?

[sighs]

She is so gonna regret this.

- What are you gonna do?

- Not lend her any accessories for a month.

Wake up, Sophie, we'’re going home!

- Best LARPing ever!

[giggling]

[exciting music]

- Oh, all this craziness over a human and his big mouth.

- That doesn'’t sound like Daniel at all.

He would never reveal the magic realm to strangers.

- Exactly, that'’s why we need to help him.

- Help him? He'’s betraying us.

- You see what we mean now, Miss Alonso?

- Your boyfriend is endangering the realm with his big mouth.

- Ex-boyfriend.

Oh, right, that'’s besides the point.

Carry on.

- But it'’s not him.

Daniel would never do this.

Something'’s wrong with him.

Andi, help me out here.

- I'’m...hungry.

- We need to neutralize the thr*at.

- Mm-hmm.

- No! Please, Lily.

I can figure out what'’s doing this to him.

I just need a little time.

- But you said it wasn'’t a spell.

- I know, but it'’s gotta be something else.

I just need a couple days.

Please.

- So, where were you last night?

- It was the best LARPing festival ever.

We napped at the Seven for, like, hours.

- I went with my friend.

- What are you talking about?

We'’re your friends.

I waited for hours dressed as a princess fanny pack, and--

- It'’s Fairy Fanny, and you would know that

if you actually paid attention to me.

- Okay...whatever.

But we were there...

waiting for you.

- Well, it'’s too late.

I am tired of playing your sidekick.

I have my own sidekick now.

- Who?

- Ooh, is it the lunch lady?

Do you get free fish sticks?

- Even better.

It'’s me.

[tense music]

- No bottles on the pool deck.

[splashes]

- Relax, it'’s plastic.

And there'’s no second-rate wizards on the pool deck either.

- Emma told me about what you said to Mia.

About her being a witch.

Who do you think you are?

- Oh, I'’m sorry, I'’m Daniel Miller.

I'’m the captain of the Sharks.

Now get in the pool and practice

while I work on my tan.

[dramatic music]

- What'’s up with him?

- Says he doesn'’t need the practice.

♪

What are you looking at?

- At that. Is that a tattoo?

♪

Man, Daniel'’s really taking this bad boy thing seriously.

- Whoa, wait.

That'’s not a tattoo.

- So what is it, then?

- It'’s a Kanay marking.

- Daniel'’s a Kanay?

- No.

He'’s been marked by a Kanay.

♪

- Wait, but I thought you were the last Kanay.

- Me too.

[upbeat pop music]

♪