05x06 - Mrs. Wrong: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

Johnny mathis: ♪ I bet
we've been together ♪

♪ For a million years ♪

Deniece williams: ♪ and I
bet we'll be together ♪

♪ For a million more ♪

♪ Oh, it's like I
started breathing ♪

♪ On the night we kissed ♪

Both: ♪ and I can't remember ♪

♪ What I ever did before ♪

♪ What would we do, baby ♪

♪ Without us? ♪

♪ What would we do, baby ♪

♪ Without us? ♪

♪ And there ain't no nothin' ♪

♪ We can't love
each other through ♪

♪ Ooh hoo ♪

♪ What would we do, baby ♪

♪ Without us? ♪

♪ Sha la la la ♪

Who's that?

You.

Who am i?

My mommy. That's right.

And who's that pretty girl?

Jennifer.

Who's jennifer?

My sister. That's right.

Who's that?

Alex.

Who is alex?

Alex is king.

There you go, andy.

Alex, that is disgraceful.

What... What you must
have gone through

Just to get him to say that.

Ho ho. Mom, why
can't you accept it?

That happens to be andrew's
personal assessment of me.

It may change, but for now...

Alex is king.

Mallory, where have you been?

I expected you here an hour ago.

I didn't expect to be late.

I had a conference with
one of my professors.

You have actual
professors at grant college?

I thought they just had
those instructional records.

And I can't believe how much
work there is at college.

I've got... I've got
papers due next week,

Tests, and a multimedia
presentation to give.

I'm never gonna
get through all this.

Well, you didn't forget you said you'd
baby-sit for andrew tonight, did you?

No, I didn't forget. Nick's
gonna be over in a few minutes.

Great. Now you have
people to baby-sit.

Alex, I have told
you a hundred times,

When you take a
phone message for me,

Write down who called, when
they called, and what it was about.

I did. Look.

"Somebody dumb called..."

"Sometime today

About something trivial."

Alex, this could be
any one of my friends,

And you know it.

Mallory, it was your turn
to do the laundry today,

And I did it for
you last week, too.

I can't do all of your chores
for you. I've got a life, too.

You know, you people don't seem to
understand the pressure I'm under.

I'm years old now.
I'm going to college.

I've got tests and courses
I've never even heard of.

I've got all these
new responsibilities.

I'm not the high school
mallory anymore,

And college mallory doesn't
have time for all these chores.

I think I like the
high school mallory

Better than the college mallory.

I think the whole line
should be discontinued.

Mallory, take it easy.

Now, we know you're going
through a difficult period here,

But everyone is gonna have
to make some adjustments.

All I'm saying is that I'm
working very hard now.

I'm trying, and if people...
And you know who you are...

Just get off my case for
every little, nitpicky thing,

Everything will be just fine.

Oh, mallory, is it
absolutely necessary

For you to use my razor
and my shaving cream?

Fine. Great.

Don't want me to shave
my legs. That's great.

I'll just completely
stop shaving. I'll be an ape.

Will that make you happy?

I don't think I could
be happier than this.

You know, I get home from a
hard day, and all I get is grief.

You're all against me.
Why don't you just admit it?

Hi, mally.

Except for andrew. Andrew
loves me, but he's the only one.

Yeah, but his skull hasn't
completely hardened yet.

What has gotten
into you, mallory?

Me? Oh, nothing's
gotten into me.

I'm just, uh... I'm just tired

Of being picked on. That's all.

I mean, no matter what I do,

There's somebody around the
corner waiting to criticize me.

Nobody picks on
jennifer. Oh, no.

And nobody picks
on alex. I mean, why?

I just wanna know why.

Alex is king.

Is andy asleep yet?

Ah, just about.

You know, I think he's been
spendin' too much time with alex.

Why?

He's sleepin' in a suit and tie.

That's why it's good
that you're around, nick.

You're a role model for him.

I like kids. You know,
they're so childish.

You know, this is the first time

I've been alone in the
house for over a month.

Uh, you want me to go?

No. No, I want you to stay.

I mean, I wish it could be
just you and me all the time.

Me, too.

It's so nice when you
and I are alone, nick.

I mean, I feel so
comfortable with you.

You don't ask me to do my
homework or do the laundry.

I don't even have to
think when I'm around you.

Yeah.

I know. Isn't it great?

Wouldn't it be great if
this was just our place?

I mean, we could decorate
it the way we want to...

Pink curtains on the windows

And your sculptures
by the fireplace,

My fashion magazines arranged
in a fan on the coffee table.

And, uh, yeah, a can of
motor oil on the mantel,

Placed just so.

You know what I'm
startin' to think?

The motor oil'd go
better on the table?

No.

I'm startin' to think
we should get married.

Boy, was I way off.

I'm serious, nick. What do
you think? Let's get married.

W-w-wait just a minute here.

you wanna marry me?

I wouldn't ask you
if I didn't mean it.

This is great.

I mean, I never dreamt it
would happen this way.

I mean, usually the
guy asks. Am I right?

Nick, this makes perfect sense.

We'll have our own place, and
there'll be nobody tellin' us what to do.

I mean, we don't have to do laundry
for weeks if we don't want to.

In that case, uh, I accept. Uhh!

Oh, our lives together
will be so perfect.

I mean, I'll have none of these petty
problems I have around the house now.

It'll be like a dream.

Mallory...

I love you.

I love you, too.

All right.

Break it up. Break
it up, will ya?

Higher primate comin' through.

Nick, should we tell him?

Tell him what?

You know.

Oh, about gettin' married? Yeah.

What?

I'm s... I...

What did you say?

That's right, alex.

Nick and I are
gonna get married.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No.

No. You... You two
can't get married.

You can't even feed yourselves.

Hey, uh...

Little brother-in-law,

It's a delight to
join this family.

No, nick. This
family is quite full.

Try the handelmans next door.

You know, you're the
first to know, alex.

I mean it. I mean it. Come on!

God! You two alone?

Who's gonna take care of you?

Who's gonna pay the rent?

Who's gonna work the appliances?

Alex, you're not thinking.
I'm gonna get married.

I'm gonna move
out of this house.

I'm torn.

I admit it. I'm torn.

Oh, no! Oh, no!

That's not what's gonna happen.

You two are gonna get married,

And you're both
gonna live in this house.

No way, mallory. You're
not gonna do this to me.

Why does everything I do
somehow have to involve you?

Because I am the
center of your universe.

Not anymore,
alex. I'm getting out.

What's all that noise?

Andrew, andrew, you're
not gonna believe this.

Mallory and nick
are gettin' married.

Hey!

♪ Hmm hmm ♪

♪ Hmm... ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ Mallory ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ You love me ♪

♪ I can't believe ♪

♪ That you proposed to me ♪

♪ Marry me ♪

♪ Marry me ♪

♪ Mallory ♪

♪ M... ♪ Ahem.

Very good. Very good. Very good.

Do you know this one?

♪ If you marry my sister ♪

♪ My father's gonna k*ll you ♪

Hi, fiancé.

All right, all right, all right.

Ok, come on. Look,
this has gotta stop.

You gotta read... You
gotta read this article.

What am I talkin' about?
Let me read it to you.

" % Of all marriages
between a m-man

"And a woman

Under the age of
end in divorce."

So, uh, we got a
- chance, right?

Alex, this is none
of your business.

We should never
have even told you.

Yeah, well, you did tell
me, so it is my business.

Now, I'm comin' back
with more statistics.

Do not get married
until I return.

[Vehicle parking]

Oh, nick. That's them.
We have to tell them.

Ok, calm down. Let
me handle it, you know.

There is nothing to worry about.

Your parents and I
have come a long way.

I'll ask for their
permission to marry you.

It is my place to do it.

Well, if you're nervous
about it, I'll do it.

No, no, no. I gotta do it.

I mean, you asked
me to marry you.

Let me ask them for permission.

Ok.

Hi, folks.

Hey.

Hey.

Uh, mr. Keaton,
mrs. Keaton, uh...

There's somethin'
I'd like to tell you,

If you have a moment, that is.

I'm... There somethin'
I'd like to ask you

If you have a moment, that is.

Do you have a moment, dear?

Yes, I do, dear.

We do, nick.

What is it?

Well, uh, sir and ma'am,

Uh, what I'd like to tell
you is that mallory and I

Would like to get m-mahlkinned.

Mallory and you would
like to get m-mahlkinned?

I don't see why not.

Let me ask you this. What
language are you speaking?

Uh, mr. Keaton,

Mrs. Keaton,

Mallory and I

Would like to get married.

My wife and I are going
to step out of this room,

And then we're
going to step back in,

And you are going to
tell us something else.

Elyse.

Mom, dad, nick and I
would like to get married.

And who's this, andy?

Mallory, my sister.

And who's this?

Nick.

And who's nick?

My brother-in-law.

I don't see why you're
so upset about it, mom.

They're young. They're in love.

The whole world's against them.

It's so romantic.

Jennifer, this is
not west side story.

This is your sister about to make
the biggest mistake of her life.

Andy and I think
it's very romantic.

And it's completely
devastated your father.

♪ Nobody knows
the trouble I seen ♪

♪ Nobody knows my sorrow ♪

Dad's out of control.

Has mallory been down?

No. She's been up
in her room all day

Looking at china patterns.

She wants us to set a
date for the wedding.

♪ Here comes the bride
all dressed in white ♪

We have to talk to her, elyse.

We have to make her understand.

Steven, what else can we say?
We've been over this a hundred times.

The fact is she has her
heart set on marrying nick,

And the more we protest,

The more determined
she is to do it.

♪ Old man river ♪

♪ That old man river ♪

Please stop singing spirituals.

Was i? I'm sorry. I
wasn't aware of it.

Mom, dad, I want you
to meet gregg curran.

Gregg is a fraternity
brother of mine.

This is my mother elyse
keaton, my father steven keaton.

Gregg, good to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Gregg is here for dinner

And, if all goes well,
to marry mallory.

What are we having, elyse?

Something gregg likes, I hope.

You never said anything
about marriage, alex.

You just asked me to
come meet your sister.

Oh, well, that's, uh...

That's all you're gonna do...

Today, gregg.

Tomorrow... Tomorrow
is a big day for you.

Picking out the ring,

Caterer, tuxedos.

Alex, this is no solution.

Don't stifle the
boy's creativity, elyse.

Mallory, I brought
you something.

I mean, I want you to...

I want to meet someone.
Mallory keaton, gregg curran.

Hello. Hi.

Well, you two are
really hittin' it off.

Let's leave these
lovebirds alone.

Alex, this is the
lowest you've ever sunk.

Come on, mallory. Look, you don't
know what you're passin' up here.

Take a look at this guy.

He's handsome.
He's well-dressed.

He is genetically incapable

Of making less
than $ , a year.

Mallory, you
don't take him, I will.

You don't understand.

I don't wanna meet anyone else.

I've already met the
man of my dreams.

It's nick. I love him,
and I'm gonna marry him.

Ah, gregg.

Gregg, listen. Uh, sorry...
Ahem. Sorry this didn't work out,

And, um, I'm sorry you
can't stay for dinner.

Can't I get somethin' to go?

Gregg's gone.

Steven, what are we going to do?

Elyse, elyse, we'll try to
be reasonable as always,

But failing that,
we have no choice.

We've got to ground her,

Keep her from seeing nick.

Ground her as she's
never been ground before.

Ground her deep,
ground her wide,

And ground her long.

I agree.

If we have to, we'll ground her.

♪ Swing low ♪

♪ Sweet chariot ♪

♪ Comin' for to carry me home ♪

♪ Swing low ♪

♪ Sweet chariot ♪

♪ Comin' for to carry me home ♪

[Slurp]

[Slurp]

Perhaps we should get
to the matter at hand.

Hey, let her rip.

Well, nick, we asked you to
come have tea and crumpets

With us to make sure you
understand our position.

With all due respect,

I know that you is not
completely in support

Of our gettin' married.

Well, you misunderstand
our position, nick.

We've mulled this idea over,

And we really hate it.

Nick, um, I didn't know
you were coming over.

Oh, yeah. Your
parents invited me.

They wanted to
have a little talk.

Oh, no.

No, don't jump to any
conclusions, mallory.

We just wanted to give nick
an opportunity to explain

Why he's doing this
terrible thing to our family.

More tea, nick?

How could you do this?

Nick, would you mind leaving?

I wanna talk to
my parents alone.

Ok.

Mr. Keaton. Mrs. Keaton.

Hey.

I cannot believe you
did that behind my back.

It's supposed to be the
happiest time of my life,

But you're ruining it.

We aren't meaning to, honey.

We... We just know that
you're not ready to get married.

I am as ready as I can
be, and you know it.

You're just saying
that because it's nick.

Admit it. You can't stand nick.

Ok. I can't stand nick,

But you could be
marrying saint nick,

And I'd say the same
thing. You're not ready.

It's just so
unrealistic, mallory.

You two can't begin
to support each other.

Have you thought about that?

No, I can work,
and nick can, too.

Well, what about college?

It doesn't matter now.
Nick is what matters.

We both wanna get married,
and we're gonna do it.

It's gonna work out.
We can live on love.

♪ Tote that barge,
lift that bale ♪

Mallory, you know
how much we love you.

Listen to us.

The chances of this not
working out are so great.

Give yourself some
time. You're so young.

You've got so much ahead of you.

So young? Now, how old were the
two of you when you got married?

I forget.

You were , both of you.

Well, you got married, and
look how it worked out for you.

It hasn't worked out that great.

Right, elyse?

Right. It's a mess.

A-and we can't let you

Make the same
terrible mistake we did.

Nick and I are
gonna get married,

And there's nothing
you can do to stop us.

Get this into your
head, young lady.

You're not marrying
nick or anyone else,

Not until we're ready!

No.

Well, until you can
start thinking clearly,

You're grounded!

That's right. You're grounded.

What? Are you joking?

You... You can't ground
me. I'm years old.

I don't even have to live here.

Oh, really?

Really! I can't believe this.

You can't ground me
'cause I wanna get married.

Oh, no?

No. I'm an adult, I'm legal,

And you can't ground a marriage.

What are you gonna
do, ground nick, too?

We're looking into that.

Can I talk to you
a minute, steven?

You surely may.

She's right, steven. We can't
ground someone her age.

But we've always
grounded. We're used to it.

It's worked so well for us.

We can't.

But how can we keep her?

If they take that away from us,

What have we got left?

An adult relationship

Based on respect and love.

A caring alliance of equals.

Grounding's better.

[Knock on door]

My parents will never
let me get married.

They tried to ground me.

Can you believe it? I'm
so angry, I could scream.

Go ahead, scream.

Nah, everybody else
screams in this building.

It'll just blend right in.

No. It won't help.

I'm just so... Uhh!

You wanna hit the heavy bag?

No.

No, really. I mean it.

Come on. Just
give it a try, huh?

It works for me.

All right, all
right. Here. Watch.

Don't tell me I
ain't got no right

To look in your
garbage can. Uhh!

'Cause I do.

Uhh!

Huh? All right.

Come on. Come here.
Just... Just get it out.

Say what's on your mind,

And wail into it
with all you got.

I want my parents to understand

I'm , and I got some rights.

All right, uh, that's
it. Now you're talkin'.

All right, come on.

I love you, and I
wanna marry you.

And if I wanna get
married, I can get married,

And nobody can tell me I can't!

Not with a right like that,
they ain't gonna tell you.

I want my own apartment!

I want my own furniture!
I want my own life!

Definitely know what you want.

I want to elope, nick.

Ok. Uh, I know this
justice of the peace

In new jersey. My
cousin uses him a lot.

I wanna get married, nick.

I wanna get married tomorrow.

Sit, ubu, sit.

Good dog. [Barks]