05x18 - A Tale of Two Cities: Part 2

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Family Ties". Aired: September 22, 1982 - May 14, 1989.*
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Set in suburban Columbus, Ohio during the Reagan administration, Steven and Elyse Keaton are baby boomers, liberals and former hippies, raising their three children: ambitious, would-be millionaire entrepreneur Alex; fashion-conscious, gossipy Mallory; and tomboy Jennifer.
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05x18 - A Tale of Two Cities: Part 2

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ I bet we've been together ♪

♪ For a million years ♪

♪ And I bet we'll be together ♪

♪ For a million more ♪

♪ Oh, it's like I
started breathing ♪

♪ On the night we kissed ♪

♪ And I can't remember ♪

♪ What I ever did before ♪

♪ What would we do, baby ♪

♪ Without us ♪

♪ What would we do, baby ♪

♪ Without us ♪

♪ And there ain't no nothin' ♪

♪ We can't love
each other through ♪

♪ What would we do, baby ♪

♪ Without us ♪

♪ Sha la la la ♪

I'm almost ready.
Just one more minute.

Ok.

Thank you.

I hope you're not
too uncomfortable.

I dressed as quickly as I could.

Oh, no.

No, no, no. Don't be silly.

An hour and a half is just fine.

Thanks for rushing.

I'm sorry, alex.

I guess I'm just a
little uncomfortable

Dressing with a man around.

Oh, hey, I understand
completely.

I'm the same way.

I'm going to need
you to zip me up.

Yeah, all right.

Wait.

Close your eyes.

What do you think I am, houdini?

Alex, I'm a little nervous.

Just zip me up, or you're fired.

All right.

You know, this was not
in the job description.

There you go.

How do I look?

You look ravishing, sir.

Thank you.

♪ Strangers in the night ♪

♪ Exchanging money ♪

[Knock on door]

Your champagne, miss.

I didn't order any champagne.

♪ Strangers in the night ♪

♪ Exchanging t-bills ♪

Maybe it was frank
sinatra in there.

Frank, could you come
out here for a minute?

Yes, sir? Yes, dear?

Did you order any champagne?

Oh, yeah. Good. Yeah.

Come in. Come in.

Just my way of saying thanks
for taking me on this little trip.

Here you go, son.

Wow, thank you, sir.

Now I can get that
operation I've been needing.

Alex, that was very nice of you.

That was really very sweet.

But I don't want to risk

Mixing business with pleasure.

I'll tell you what...

First sign of pleasure,
we make a run for it.

Alex, I want to be at my
best to meet mr. Okun.

I mean, he's the national
director of our bank.

He's our boss. He's
a former member...

Member of the
national reserve board.

Served three
terms... To .

Very good.

Yeah, I do my
homework, you know.

Mr. Okun is a silver-haired,
portly gentleman.

He's a graduate of the
wharton school of business.

He's a fabulous bowler,

And he's married to
a very young woman.

And very sensitive about it.

Who wouldn't be?

Tammy turned march th.

And they just got back
from their honeymoon.

And they went to disneyland.

Oh, alex, this could be a
great night for both of us.

Here is to a roomful of bankers

Standing around talking
about interest rates,

Fluctuations in the prime,

Exchanging banking anecdotes...

The kind of evening most
people only dream about.

Hey, mr. Keaton.

Hey, skipper.

Something's different in here.

Don't tell me, but something
is definitely different.

Did you get a haircut?

Skippy, we're going to
rewallpaper the kitchen.

Well, let me give you a hand.

Oh!

Thanks... Thanks, skip,

But I've got everything
under control here.

Oh, no, no, mr. Keaton,
this is not a one-man job.

No, no, but it is a
one-man ladder.

And I'd like you to get down.

Good. Thanks. Yes.

Anyway, I'm not working alone.

I've got all the help I need.

Yo! What's holding
you up in there?

I'm still on my coffee break.

Hey, guys.

Hey, you're back just in time.

The walls are almost
ready for the new paper.

Now let's see what you got.

If I see this pattern one
more time, I'm going to cry.

This is not the paper I wanted.

Mallory, I am not getting
cashmere wallpaper.

All right, all right,

Come on, let's get
this show on the road

And this paper on the wall.

Dad, maybe you should
let nick be in charge.

Well, thanks for the
vote of confidence.

Well, come on, dad, based
on your past history,

You're not exactly a whiz
with home improvements.

I beg to differ.

Come on, dad.

When you tried to put track
lighting into your bedroom,

You blacked out akron,
dayton, and toledo.

I hate when you exaggerate.

Toledo had light.

You know, mr. K, this is
one of my general areas

Of expertise... Home
decorating and lube jobs.

Come on, let me give you a hand.

All right. You
want to help, help.

Elyse, you get the glue.

Mallory, where are my scissors?

Jennifer, here, hold
this paper straight.

Oh, skippy, get off my ladder.

Nick, you're using
too much glue.

Skippy, get off my foot.

Did you want pliers or scissors?

No, no, no, no, scissors.

Why can't we use...

No! Don't pour that here.

It's not straight.
Wait a minute.

Stop, please. This
isn't working out.

There, um,

There are too many people here.

No offense, but I'd
appreciate it if you all left.

Well, I've got a job to do,
and I want to get it done.

Look, if you give
me a couple hours.

I'll have this whole
room wallpapered.

Good luck.

Thank you.

Skippy, I want everybody
out. That means you.

Well, I'd like to
oblige you, mr. Keaton,

But I'm afraid that's
just not possible.

Do you mind telling me why?

I'm glued to the wall.

Oh. Thank you.

No, thank you.

What, you're not
going to eat anything?

I can't eat. I'm too nervous.

I just want
everything to go right.

Whoa, whoa.

You better take it easy.
That's your third one.

We've only been here minutes.

Alex, when you come
to these kind of things,

You have to be sociable.
You have to drink a little.

You have to try and look
like you're having a good time.

No. No, no, thank you.

Oh, loosen up, keaton!

You are such a tight little guy.

I mean...

Look at the way you're dressed.

You are so serious.

You ought to be wearing
shorts and a beanie.

All right, look,
listen, rebecca,

Why don't we go outside
and get a little air, ok?

We can't go out.
We'll miss okun.

Well, that's
the thing. See, i...

I just don't think now is the
right time for you to meet okun.

You know, you're
a little bit drunk.

I have never been
drunk in my life.

You're giving off vapors
that could fuel a jet.

If I were drunk,
could I do this?

Awooo!

All right. I apologize.

Come on, alex. You are
being such a party pooper.

Why don't you go and mingle?

All right, ok. Just
howl if you need me.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I just took the last
swedish meatball.

Well, that's... That's
quite all right.

I remember once at a party

I took the last m&m.

Then you know how I feel.

Yeah.

Yeah, we... We... We
have a lot in common.

I guess we do. We both like
eating m&ms and meatballs.

[Chuckles]

Just not together.

Oh, listen, um, listen,

Why don't we, after
the conference,

Go have a cup of coffee,

Grab some m&ms,

You know, a meatball or two.

Sounds delightful.

Would you mind if
my husband joined us?

Your husband.

I wouldn't have
it any other way.

I'm sorry. I never
introduced myself.

I'm tammy okun.

Okun? Tammy? As in mr. Okun?

As in mr. Charles okun, jr.?

How did you know
my husband's name?

You were born march th?

Yes!

How was disneyland?

Tammy!

Oh, charles, I was just having

The nicest conversation
with this man.

I'm sorry, I never
caught your name.

Feegis. Walter feegis. Hi.

Charles okun. Pleasure
to meet you, walter.

Rebecca: awooo!

That's my ride. Excuse me.

A pleasure meeting you.

Ahem.

Rebecca.

Listen, rebecca,

I just met tammy and mr. Okun.

And, well, to make
a long story short,

Let's get the hell out of here.

Feegis.

Hi.

And is this mrs. Feegis?

I'm rebecca ryan.
I'm vice president

Of your harding trust branch.

I'm charles okun, jr.

Have you met my associate axl,

Axl p. Keaton?

Axl? I thought your
name was walter.

And this must be the
little mousketeer.

Ha ha!

Rebecca ryan. Harding trust.

I've heard some good
things about you.

Have you heard this?

Awooo!

What's happening, chuckles?

Am I getting the
promotion or what?

I got that.

I certainly don't think

This is the time to discuss it.

And I must say, I
doubt very much

Whether such a time will come.

He liked me.

I can always tell when I
make a good impression.

I don't think he liked you
that much, though, alex.

Yeah, well, that's because I
forgot to spill my drink on him.

Well, let's go
back to the party.

I will fix it for you.
I'll talk to mr. Okun.

Oh, no, no, no.

No, I wouldn't say
another word to him.

We got him just
where we want him.

Well, let's go back
to the party anyway.

We didn't get to dance.

Yeah, well, that's for
the best. Believe me.

Well, let's dance here.

No. I think I'm going
to sit this one out.

♪ Da ♪

♪ Da da da da ♪

♪ Ya ♪

♪ Da da da da ♪

♪ Da ♪

♪ Ya da da da ♪

♪ Ya ♪

♪ Da da da da da ♪

♪ Ya ♪

♪ Ya da da da ♪

Whoo!

♪ Ya ♪

♪ Ya da da da da da da da ♪

♪ Da da da da ♪

♪ Da da da da ♪

Oh!

Where are you going, feegis?

Well, it's uh...

It's been a long day.

And I think we should
just get some rest.

Good idea. Come on.

Sit down here next to me.

Comfy?

Oh, yeah. I'm... I'm quite
comfortable, rebecca.

Oh, don't call me rebecca.

You know what?

I think we should make up
nicknames for each other.

I have always wanted a nickname.

How about lush?

Everyone had a nickname
at the prep school.

Bunkie, moonie...

I always wanted...

Cookie.

All the cute girls were
always named cookie.

Would you call me cookie, alex?

I will if you promise

To go to sleep right now.

Promise.

Ok, cookie.

No. Say it in a sentence.

Go to sleep...

Cookie.

Tell me about yourself, alex,

Tell me about when
you were little.

I bet you were a
really cute little boy.

Well...

Well, I'm...

I'm not going to lie to you...

Cookie.

I was adorable.

You're adorable now.

I don't think this
is a good idea.

Rebecca, i...

Cookie.

I don't think it's a
good idea, cookie.

I really like you, alex.

Yeah.

I really...

I really like you, too.

I think you're a good person.

And you've got a good heart,

And you've had way
too much to drink.

[Sighs]

Good night, cookie.

Elyse, mal, jennifer, andrew,

Everybody, could you
come out for a minute?

There's something
I'd like to show you.

What, honey?

Oh, ♪ da da da da ♪

Oh, steven, it's magnificent!

I never really
liked this wallpaper,

But you made it work.

This is pretty nice, mr. K.

Maybe you come over to my
house and do my kitchen for me.

Well, I have to admit, I'm
really good with my hands.

[Groans]

Anyway, there's a certain
satisfaction a man gets...

A certain satisfaction a man
gets from a job well done.

I think I should do more
work around the house.

I don't think so, dad.

Oh, that's...

That's fine, no.

That's fine. No problem.

I fully expected that to happen.

[All talking at once]

[Knock on door]

Come in!

If you're being searched,

I could come back.

George, what are you
doing here? Didn't I fire you?

Well, someone obviously thought
you needed an interior decorator.

I was summoned by a phone
call from a certain party

Who resides in this house.

I didn't think you
could handle it,

But I was wrong.

Well, you're a big
man to admit it, elyse.

Well... Ok.

I apologize, mr. Keaton. Sorry.

It's obvious that you've
done an excellent job.

Well, obviously,
you don't need me...

When you have a professional
like mr. Keaton here.

I hope my other clients
don't find out about you.

Go ahead, george.

Do what you will.

Put up the wallpaper.

Change the appliances.
Change everything.

I give up.

Fine.

Please go to my car
and get my supplies.

Andy, keep an eye on him.

Girls...

Let's begin!

Gee, steven.

It's going to be
harder than I thought

To say good-bye to
this old wallpaper.

I remember when
we bought this...

It was when we first moved
into the house in april .

Alex was only .

Well, I remember.

We left him alone
with the babysitter

To finish our tax returns.

First year we weren't audited.

Do you remember, elyse,

We were at marshall's
home furnishing store.

Dr. Sherman had
asked you to call

Because you'd just
been in for a visit.

You went over to the phone,

You talked for a little
bit, you came back and said,

"I want that wallpaper,

And I'm going to have a baby."

And I remember the
wallpaper salesman said,

"Hey, lady. We just
sell wallpaper."

That baby was me, right?

Yeah.

Yes, that was you.

And, you know, I always
thought it was appropriate

That we found out about
you while we were shopping.

Look at this.

Oh, what...

It's a heart

With "I love richard
beck" written on it.

Yeah, I had a crush on
him a couple of years ago.

You wrote on the wallpaper?

Look, look, look,
here's another one.

"I love richard nixon."

See. Alex did it, too.

All right, george,

Tell me, how much will it cost

To redo this whole kitchen?

Nothing.

Nothing? Mr. Keaton,

I came here prepared to gut
and remodel this entire room,

But I realize that that would
be a tremendous mistake.

I have never seen
a group of people

So attached to their wallpaper.

And frankly, I was very moved.

George...

What are you saying?

I see wallpaper!

Your wallpaper...

Back on the wall
where it belongs.

Good morning, honey.

It's time to wake up, dumpling.

Oh, go away, alex.

Oh, come on, cookie.

How do you know about cookie?

I know them all.

Poochie...

Bootsie, bunny...

All your furry friends
from prep school.

I don't remember this.

What exactly
happened last night?

Nothing that shouldn't
have happened.

Nothing that wasn't going
to happen sooner or later.

Nothing that
wasn't inevitable...

Darling.

Oh, my god.

Rebecca, after last night...

I feel like I know you

As I've known no woman before.

The only question now is
where to spend the honeymoon.

I mean, I agree with you.

The caribbean is nice...

But so is hawaii.

Or...

We could go to disneyland.

Like the okuns.

Oh, no.

The okuns.

It's all starting to
come back to me now.

Did I pour a drink on him, alex?

Yes.

Did I call him chuckles?

Yes.

Did anything happen between us?

No.

Oh, what a relief!

That would have been
a complete disaster.

I mean, there would
have been no coming back.

I mean, I can deal
with lots of things,

But I couldn't deal if
anything ever happened...

Hey, people have lived
through it, you know.

A few of them even liked it.

I'm sorry, alex, I
didn't mean it that way.

What I meant is, what a
relief that the night is over.

Yeah. Well, listen, why don't
you have some coffee, huh?

I'm so embarrassed.

I can't believe this.

I'm not that kind of person.

Oh, come on, look,
these things happen.

You hadn't eaten.

You didn't sleep very well.

You had a few hundred
glasses of champagne.

I started to look attractive.

I want you to know, when
we get back to the bank,

It is business as usual.

I'm the boss.

You are my assistant.

Right...

Axl?

You got it...

Cookie.

Man: sit, ubu, sit. Good dog.

[Dog barks]
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