01x05 - Mean, Green, and Straight Poured into These Jeans

[bunniefuu]

- WOMAN: She-Hulk?
- PEOPLE: She-Hulk. She-Hulk.

NIKKI: Lady-Hulk, Girl-Hulk,
She-Hulk. Give 'em what they want.

JENNIFER: Previously on She-Hulk...

That name better not stick.

What if you made a profile as She-Hulk?

I'm not proud of this.

Is there anything worse
than dating in your s?

I have to admit, I was a fan.

I mean, your battle
with Titania in court,

- it was incredible.
- (CRASHING)

REPORTER ON TV: Supporters of the
Free Titania movement are celebrating

- that she's been cleared of all charges.
- Boo.

I've got court documents
filed by Titania Worldwide LLC.

She's suing me over the name "She-Hulk"?

But that's my name.

WOMAN: Strength is beauty.
Beauty is strength.

What makes you beautiful?

She-Hulk by Titania.

Be strong, be beautiful. Own who you are.

She-Hulk by Titania.

I am strength. I am beauty.

I own who I am.

She-Hulk by Titania,

a luxurious new line of skin care,
beauty, and wellness products

created by Titania exclusively for you.

She-Hulk by Titania.

MAN: You're listening to
Pro Say, Law 's podcast.

A quick word from our sponsor.

WOMAN: Hey, Titaniacs,
can't wait to see you all.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING
INDISTINCTLY OVER PODCAST)

(GASPS)

- Ched!
- Yo. What's up, Jen?

What are you doing? You can't
just walk into my house!

What do you want me to
tell you? I kinda just did.

I'm making a k*lling selling
these signed She-Hulk products.

They love you. The people
love the She-Hulk, right?

- So I need your John Hancock for me, wiil ya?
- No, I'm not signing those.

What do you mean, you not signing these?

I'm supporting your business venture.

No, this is not mine. It
has nothing to do with me.

It's got your name, "She-Hulk",
right here on the label.

This is someone else.

This woman, Titania,
has trademarked my name.

That's dumb. Why would
you let her do that?

I didn't let her, Ched.

Huh.

You know, Jen,

the way trademark works is,

whoever gets there first, gets it.

So if you would've done yours first,

she wouldn't have been able to do that.

(SCREAMS)

She-Hulk by Titania.

Thank you.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)

She tweeted that she'd be
here connecting with her fans.

You follow her?

It's for reconnaissance.
Where are you going?

- To talk to her.
- Yeah, we are.

But we're not waiting
in line. You kidding?

We enter with confidence.
That's how it works. Excuse us.

What is this?

"Snake venom lip plumper."

She's literally selling snake oil.

"Beauty serum."

"Beauty oil."

"Beauty tonic." How are these
not all exactly the same thing?

Are you kidding? They're
completely different.

Free samples?

These are all for me and that girl.

- (WOMAN CHUCKLES)
- Thank you so much, thank you.

I'm so sorry, little child, but
the line starts way back there.

I don't wanna cut.

I want you to stop, and
take all of this down.

What's the issue?

You're using my name to sell your
trashy products, and you're suing me?

Get over it, Jennifer.
The name She-Hulk is mine.

Excuse me?

Could you take a photo?

Oh, my God, yes. Back up a little
bit. Just give me some space.

- She's gonna...
- You taking it?

Just one, and that is it.

JENNIFER: I can't
believe she stole my name.

But you said you didn't
like that name anyways.

- I don't.
- Okay.

It's just what people decided
to call me. It's not who I am.

I'm still Jennifer Walters.

She-Hulk is just a thing
that happened to me.

That's a really good
perspective to have.

I admit there are parts that I enjoy.

- Okay, you're not done.
- Like the amazing hair, no hangover.

Walking home with headphones
on without being afraid.

- Every woman's dream.
- But I'm not a different person

who needs a different name.

Okay. So you're not mad
at the name She-Hulk?

No, I don't care about it.

- Okay. So you're totally over it?
- Yeah, like, the most over it.

You're crushing your stapler.

What?

NIKKI: Why does she have to charge
her fans so much for everything?

Because that's smart, Nikki. That's
why she is rich and you're broke.

What's happening, Nik?

Oh, I was just talking to myself.

I can't pretend I'm here for a
friendly visit. I need a favor.

Oh. well, you know my price.

- Return favor. Plus interest.
- Done.

- Okay.
- Stand in line with me

waiting for a sneaker drop?

The Iron Man Threes are coming out.

They're limited to
one pair per customer.

Why do you need two pairs?

One to rock and one to stock.

Okay, so you're telling
me that you collect shoes

to look at that you're never gonna wear?

I respect that.

I'm not gonna brag to you or anything,

but I do have some pretty
rare limited editions

that I got from my drip broker.

Through your... Excuse me, your what?

Yeah, I got a guy,
Alonzo, the drip broker.

He can find anything you're
looking for, fashion-wise.

Can this drip broker find someone
who could do custom clothing

for, say, a super-human sized person?

No doubt.

Okay. I'm gonna need to
call in my favor right now.

- You haven't done my favor.
- I'm letting you slide on the interest.

You're right.

- You're right. Slick Nik. Slick Nik.
- (CHUCKLES)

I just wanted to thank all
of my beloved Titaniacs

- for helping me reach my...
- I'm over it. I really am.

NIKKI: This is a boba café.

Alonzo says that it's a front
for a superhero clothing business.

Okay.

- Hi, are you ready to order?
- Hey, how you doing, man?

My boy Alonzo sent me.

Alonzo. Okay, what's the order?

No, no. My boy, Alonzo,

the drip broker.

He sent me.

(WHISPERS) For the superhero stuff.

This is a boba café.

(SPEAKING MANDARIN) _

What is that, Chinese? I'm not Chinese.

Well, I said we're not cops.

And I said it in Chinese.

I feel so much shame.

- He's mad. I offended him. I...
- BARISTA: Okay.

(BOTH GASP)

Come to the back.

- All right.
- Creepy back-room situation.

- This kind of hustle.
- Okay.

What do you need? I got everything.

Captain America shield, Thor hammer.

Avengers T-shirt.

This says, "Avongers."

BARISTA: You don't like
Avongers? I got Avingers.

Oh, with an I.

I kind of like this.

Okay, no, we don't want
bootleg stuff, okay?

I want custom-made
clothing for a superhero.

Question, if you're not the guy,
then do you know who the guy is?

He won't meet you. He's exclusive.

Okay. So you do know the guy.

(SIGHS) Okay, fine. I'll buy
one of your Avongers T-shirts.

- And a matching hat.
- Yes, I wanna complete the ensemble.

Okay.

MAN OVER SPEAKER: No.

Hi.

I wanted to talk to you about
making clothing for my client...

Do you have a referral?

Titania referred me.

I saw you shrug. Rejected.

(CHUCKLES)

Actually, my client is an Avenger.

- She's one of the top-tier ones, sir.
- Yes.

MAN: Fifteen-minute consultation.

My assistant will set up the appointment.

I can still see you.

- Okay. Okay.
- Yes, sir. Thank you.

Is everything all right, sir?

No.

Why did I pass a billboard on
Santa Monica Boulevard today

advertising a She-Hulk
booty boost smoothie?

Oh, so, that's not actually me.

So that name was never
really mine, officially.

Everyone in the media just
started calling me that.

But now this incredibly awful,
slightly super-powered woman...

Uh, yeah, I'm gonna stop you,
'cause none of that's my concern.

Okay.

GLK and H made She-Hulk the face

of our superhuman law division.

And now, we find ourselves in
the middle of a frivolous lawsuit.

No one hires a firm that
can't handle its own messes.

I am going to fix this, sir.

(CHUCKLES) No, you won't.

I'm surprised and relieved
you aren't foolish enough

to try to represent yourself.

At least you know that basic rule.

I'm taking this on as
a professional courtesy,

but moving forward,
we are not colleagues.

I'm the attorney, you're the client.
That's the only way this can work.

Agreed?

Agreed.

Why didn't you trademark your pseudonym?

I never even thought about
it, you know? Why would I?

Did Doctor Strange have to
trademark his name? Did Thor?

You chose two examples of
people who use their real names.

Mmm-hmm.

This is the person who
legally outmaneuvered you?

Yeah.

Yeah.

We need to show strength. Countersue.

Establish you were using the name

in a professional capacity
before the trademark date,

and Titania is profiting
off name recognition

already established in the marketplace.

If you're gonna be my client,
dress like you respect yourself,

and not like a football player
pleading no contest to a DUI.

Nikki?

Yes? Wasn't lurking. I was close by.

You obviously spend a lot of
time thinking about what you wear.

- Why don't you help her?
- I'm actually already on top of that.

I got you a consultation with the guy

who makes clothing for superheroes.

- Oh, I don't think I really need that.
- BOTH: You do, yeah.

Oh.

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)

Nice suit, Shrek.

BAILIFF: All rise.
Court is now in session.

Your Honor, we move to dismiss
this entirely frivolous suit.

My client owns the
trademark for She-Hulk.

Ms. Book may enjoy
wasting the court's time,

but you can be certain that I do not.

Ms. Book?

Thank you, Your Honor.

As you will see, there
are no issues of fact here

that would require proceeding to trial.

Since the first public appearance
of Jennifer Walters in her Hulk form,

the public has unanimously
identified her with the name She-Hulk.

In fact, the name had
not even been recorded

in public discourse until that debut.

We have a number of news
items and broadcast quotes

I'd like to enter into record.

Simply put,

the defendant is exploiting
goodwill towards my client

and her better-known cousin,

in order to sell her non-FDA
approved sham products.

We ask the court to grant our motion

for summary judgment, and
order our requested remedies.

Okay.

First of all, "sham"?

Why don't you try telling that
to the thousands of testimonials

from my fans who have had
nothing but amazing results

with my exclusive line of
She-Hulk Foot Exfoliants,

which I just so happen to
have a little sample of,

and offer into evidence, thank you.

JUDGE: No, we don't need...

Can we please stay on track here?

What my client is trying to
say is that She-Hulk was not...

You can sit down.

What my client is trying to say is
that Ms. Walters was not interested

in the She-Hulk name
until it became associated

with this incredibly
successful line of products.

If we may.

- REPORTER: She-Hulk! Hey, She-Hulk!
- I will not answer to that name.

You know why? 'Cause it's not my name.

She-Hulk! She-Hulk!

My name never has been,
and never will be She-Hulk.

It's lazy, it's reductive,
and it's straight-up garbage.

Any response, Ms. Book?

Actually, yes. We have
one more clip to show.

Tell us, how did you come
up with the name She-Hulk?

Some random guy on the
news came up with it.

But it stuck, and so now,
whether I like it or not,

I am forever She-Hulk.

My client clearly stated
that she is She-Hulk.

This is just one instance.

Can you prove a pattern of Ms.
Walter's personal use of the name?

Yes, Your Honor, we definitely
have more to present.

JUDGE: You'd better.

Or I'm inclined to
side with the defendant.

We'll recess until Thursday.

- (BEEPS)
- Appointment for She-Hulk.

- We told him you're an Avenger.
- What?

MAN: ...all of the care
instructions on the tag.

I will not be held responsible
for customer stupidity.

This one.

Oh, my God!

Is the hag convention in town?

(CHUCKLES)

Luke, Nikki Ramos. This is the She-Hulk.

- Jennifer Walters.
- Never heard of you.

My client list is very exclusive
because my work is impeccable.

Well, like I told you before,
she's gonna be one of the Avengers.

- You said she was one.
- It hasn't been announced yet.

They're still working
out the deal, but she is.

The Hulk is her cousin.

- By blood?
- Yeah.

And she is going to be a megastar.

- Her?
- Okay, is this really necessary?

I just want you to make me a new suit.

Okay, what kind of
superhero-ing do you do?

Do you need built-in weaponry?
Waterproofing, fire-resistance?

No, I don't need a suit like
that. I just need a business suit.

Everything I make stands up to
the highest combat standards.

I don't make basic sh*t.

Yeah, I don't really need any
of that. I'm a lawyer. (CHUCKLES)

(SNICKERS)

She's a... You're a...

- A lawyer.
- She's a lawyer.

That's so cute. I love
that. That's so cute.

This one. Thank you.

This is a waste of my time
and my talents. Please get out.

Okay, but she needs a suit

that's gonna fit her both
as Jen and as She-Hulk.

Something that requires a lot
of talent. Can we show him?

Yeah. All the way down, small, impish.

- (RUSTLING)
- Large, superhuman.

Do you think you could design a suit
that would adapt to both of my bodies?

Come on. Ever done a Hulk before?

- This is huge. This is huge.
- Tinsley!

Order extra bolts of the
stretch wool. We're going to need

a lot of fabric.

- JENNIFER: Why was he so mean?
- NIKKI: In fashion, it's cool to be mean.

She's so impeccable.
Where does she shop?

Somewhere with valet parking.

Oh, no. Remember that date I went
on with the guy with the fetish?

- I know her.
- She's a client. Of course, you do.

He's so creepy and
disgusting. Monstrous.

- Hi! Todd, right?
- She-Hulk!

Didn't know you worked here.

Yeah! Are you a client, or...

I am. I'm one of the biggest.

Just had a meeting with
my favorite lady lawyer.

No touching.

We should, um...

Yeah, we should reconnect soon.

- Absolutely. That would be great.
- Yeah. Drinks on me.

Okay.

- You rolled over so quickly.
- So quickly.

- But the drinks are on him.
- So quickly.

See you outside in ten.

Yeah, and you looked at that guy's
dating profile and you were like,

"I'll give him a couple of
precious hours of my life."

And I sat across... No, She-Hulk.

She-Hulk sat across from
him for an entire dinner.

Yeah, and he for sure is
telling all his friends like,

"Yo, bro. Went on a date with She-Hulk."

- Oh, my God.
- What?

He went on a date with She-Hulk.

Yeah.

Because I made a dating
profile as She-Hulk,

and went on several dates as She-Hulk,

showing a clear pattern
of using the name.

Every single one of those dates
is a corroborating witness. This...

Is how I win this case.

By parading all the questionable
men you dated in a courtroom.

- Jen, that's going to be embarrassing.
- Yeah.

(GAVEL BANGS)

Ms. Book.

Your Honor, we have compelling evidence

my client did in fact self-identify

with the moniker She-Hulk

well before Titania
filed for the trademark.

Please proceed.

My client used "She-Hulk,"

not as a name to exploit
in order to sell product,

but as a genuine part of her identity.

As you can see in the "About Me"
section, my client wrote, and I quote,

"Mean, green and straight-poured
into these jeans."

Ew.

And to answer the question, "What
are you looking for in a partner?"

my client wrote,

"A sturdy back and
reinforced king-size bed.

"JK. JK. JK."

We'd like to call our witnesses.

'Sup?

Yeah, she's like, "It's me. The
real She-Hulk. Impressed much?"

She came across a little
tryhard, to be honest.

I'm just not about that.

I specifically remember her
referring to herself as She-Hulk,

in the third person,
and as a writer myself,

I found that grating.

TODD: Yeah, no, she confided in me

that she was initially
embarrassed by the name She-Hulk.

But then she embraced it.

That's the beautiful part.

I guess I'm the kind of guy
a woman can really open up to.

So you would say you really
connected with She-Hulk?

She-Hulk and I had
an intense connection.

We had a great date.

She battled demons, I mean, come on.

Would you have gone on the date

if She-Hulk had instead
presented as Jennifer Walters?

(SIGHS) Look, I don't
mean to be rude, but...

No.

She's not really my type.

But She-Hulk. She-Hulk's
incredible. She's amazing.

In light of this new testimony,
the court finds in favor of...

Jennifer Walters, aka She-Hulk.

Motion for summary judgement is granted.

Titania and her
subsidiaries will cease usage

of the She-Hulk name
effective immediately.

All current products on
the market must be recalled.

(GAVEL BANGS)

This isn't over, hater.

- Hey, Titania.
- What?

I'm so sorry that happened to you.

- What you getting into later?
- Fine. You can buy me things. Let's go.

Hey.

MAN: I love you so much, Titania.

MAN : Titania!

Thank you for that.

I mean, I might need to schedule
several sessions of therapy,

but we won.

Look, Walters,

what that extremely
attractive man said in there,

you can do better. You deserve better.

- Can I buy you a drink to say thanks?
- Sure.

Here you go. I'm so happy
we're doing this. Cheers.

Quite a strategy.

I don't know any other lawyer

who would humiliate themselves
that way to win a case.

Yeah, you can always count on
me to throw myself under the bus.

It's why Holliway pays
me the medium bucks.

He couldn't have gone through that.

He's never had to prove his value
to a parade of underwhelming men.

(LAUGHS) Right?

Like, think about everything
that She-Hulk brings to the table,

and those guys were my best option.

You can have literal superpowers,

and some guy with Internet will
still think he can do better.

(LAUGHS) Yes! Oh, my God!
The things we put up with.

I am so happy we're friends now.

What... Did I just say that out loud?

- Thanks for the drink.
- Of course.

I thought you were
getting better clothes.

Oh, yeah, my clothes!

Hey, Luke.

Just here to get my suits.

(TUTS) Uh-uh-uh.

Here. Try this.

Thank you.

Ooh! I like it!

Of course you do, because I'm a genius.

Oh!

I made you a little something extra.

- I don't know that I'll really have an...
- Just say thank you, Jennifer.

JENNIFER: Thank you.

Hello, this shouldn't be
left out in the open. (SCOFFS)

Tinsley, does client
confidentiality mean nothing to you?