Kag: Too hot.
Gin: What the hell is going on this summer?
Gin: Apparently today's temperature set yet another all-time high.
Shin: Is this due to global warming, too?
Shin: Just what is this globe headed toward?
Kag: That's not what I mean.
Kag: I'm saying you guys are making it too hot in here!
Kag: Get out! This is my parasol, 'kay?!
Gin: Keep it down, or we'll attract attention.
Gin: We're tailing this guy, y'know.
Kag: Walking like three dumplings on a stick in this heat will attract way more attention!
Gin: Jump out under this blazing sun, and we dumplings will turn into a chicken kebab.
Gin: Share the love for once.
Gin: You always get this nice chill all to yourself.
Kag: Say what? I don't walk around with a parasol because I want to, 'kay?!
Kag: We Yato are—
Gin: Yeah, yeah.
Gin: I bet you'd almost forgotten about the whole "weak to sunlight" premise.
Gin: I bet you were struggling to keep up the act.
Shin: There have been plenty of times when
Shin: you forgot your parasol and ran around in the sunlight without a problem.
Shin: Just forget about the character premise and stuff.
Shin: In this heat, we should take it all off and cast it aside.
Kag: Why are you guys using the heat as an excuse to make outrageous remarks?
Gin: When you air a program for so long,
Gin: you're bound to run into one or two inconvenient premises.
Gin: Our viewers will understand.
Gin: Nobody will say anything if a parasol or a four-eyes vanishes in the next cut.
Shin: They sure as hell will!
Shin: Why are you k*lling off a human being along with a premise?!
Kag: Just get out already, 'kay?! It's stinking hot in here!
Gin: Don't wanna! I can't take the heat anymore!
Gin: No!
Shin: Gin-san! The target's entering the love hotel district!
Gin: What?!
Gin: Hurry up, get the camera ready!
Shin: Oh, no. We lost them.
Shin: There goes our chance to get proof of his adultery.
Gin: Nah. They probably entered one of these hotels.
Gin: We have no choice now.
Gin: Let's stake this place out and take their picture when they come out.
Shin: What? In this hellfire and brimstone?
Gin: I'll keep watch for now, so you guys
Gin: come take over in thirty minutes.
Gin: Hey, Kagura. Lend me your parasol.
Shin: You're holding it already.
Gin: Oh, crap.
Gin: Hey, Kagura. I'm borrowing this parasol, okay?
Gin: Hey, you listening to me?
Gin: Kagura?
Shin: Doesn't something seem off?
Shin: Kagura-chan?
Gin: Hey, Kagu...
Gin: Kagura.
Gin: Hey, Kagura!
Shin: Kagura-chan!
Title: Take the Initial Premise Lightly, and It'll Cost You
Hospital,Sign: Oedo Hospital
Warning ,Sign: Notice from Oedo Hospital: When watching television on the premises, please do so in a bright room and at a safe distance from the set.
Gin: So, Doctor.
Gin: What's wrong with Kagura?
DBJ: Just heatstroke...
Shin: Thank goodness.
DBJ: ...is what it looks like,
DBJ: but something's weird.
DBJ: We've given her all the usual treatments, but her fever's not going down at all.
DBJ: She's an alien, isn't she?
DBJ: And an extremely rare type, at that.
DBJ: Unfortunately, this hospital doesn't have any detailed data on the Yato race.
DBJ: I've heard they have extremely low resistance to sunlight.
DBJ: Do you have any idea what might've caused this?
DBJ: Like, did you expose her to sunlight for a long period?
Gin: No, I have no idea.
DBJ: Or, perhaps, force excessive work on her without giving her any water in this heat?
Gin: No, I have no idea.
DBJ: We'll admit her.
DBJ: All we can do is observe her condition for a while.
DBJ: In the meantime, I'll look for data and a hospital that can treat her.
DBJ: At this point, I'm afraid I can't tell you
DBJ: whether her condition will get better or worse.
Shin: I-It's our fault.
Shin: It's all because we took Kagura-chan's premise lightly and did such a horrible thing!
Gin: S-Settle down.
Gin: Surely her illness isn't a big deal.
Gin: Heat wave or not, she's been handling sunlight perfectly fine all this while.
Shin: Maybe she was pushing herself to keep up with us.
Shin: During her long stay on Earth,
Shin: the sun might've started eating into her body at some point!
Shin: It's all our fault!
Shin: We should've paid more attention!
Gin: Don't worry, man.
Gin: You know she's not the type to lose to mere sunlight.
Gin: She must be celebrating in her room because she gets to eat
Gin: something other than egg-on-rice.
Gin: Right, Kagura?
Kag: I'm telling you, I don't want this.
Kag: I don't have any appetite.
N: But if you don't eat, your body won't get better.
Kag: It won't get better, even if I do eat.
Kag: I know my body better than anyone else.
Shin: K-Kagura-chan!
Kag: Oh, you two came to see me.
Shin: What's wrong, Kagura-chan?
Gin: What happened to the "kay"? Why are you coughing all of a sudden?
Shin: I can't believe you're not touching your food.
Shin: Are you that sick?
Kag: Sorry for messing up our job.
Kag: I tried my best not to be a burden on you all,
Kag: but it seems that only burdened you more.
Kag: You don't have to worry about me.
Kag: I knew that this day would come.
Kag: That this sunny planet was no place
Kag: for bloody, violent outcasts like us.
Kag: That there was no place for us in this warm sunlight.
Kag: But even while the scorching light b*rned my body every day,
Kag: and the agony chipped away at my life,
Kag: I didn't leave you all
Kag: because I just didn't want to.
: You were suffering that much? You were enduring that much?!
Kag: So don't worry, Gin-chan.
Kag: It's not your fault at all.
Gin: It's my fault?! Am I really the bad guy here?!
Gin: C-Come on, Kagura. Quit joking.
Gin: It's just heatstroke, right?
Gin: You'll be fine.
Gin: Y-You're such a drama queen, jeez.
Gin: Don't worry.
Gin: You'll be all better before—
N: What did you just do?!
Shin: Kagura-chan!
N: The doctor! Call the doctor!
Shin: Kagura-chan! Kagura-chan!
N: Just leave this to us.
N: Don't disturb her any more!
Shin: Kagura-chan! Kagura-chan!
N: Jeez, what is wrong with you?
N: I did tell you to hydrate yourself,
N: but after drinking this much, no wonder you don't want to eat.
Kag: Yeah. Sorry about that.
Kag: That worked better than I expected.
Kag: Feel more guilty. Blame yourself more.
Kag: You will regret making light of my heavy premise and treating me like garbage.
Kag: Luckily, this hospital doesn't seem to know much about the Yato.
Kag: Nobody will realize that I only have a summer cold.
Kag: This is a great chance for them to
Kag: learn once again the gravity of my premise, and just how important I am to them.
Kag: I'll stay like this and mess with them for a while longer.
N: How are you doing today, Kagura-san?
N: My body still feels as heavy as a rock and really sluggish.
N: I think I'll have to stay in the hospital for another week.
N: Huh? Was this the maternity ward?
N: Kagura-san, someone's here to visit you.
N: Wait, wait!
N: Crap, my belly!
Gin: Kagura, I'm coming in.
Kag: G-Gin-chan...
Kag: You came to visit me so early in the morning?
Gin: Y-Yeah. We spent the night in the hospital too, actually.
Gin: You okay?
Gin: Your breathing is ragged. Are you in pain?
Kag: Y-Yeah. My chest has been hurting since yesterday, and I couldn't sleep.
Gin: Also, what's up with that bulge under your blanket?
Kag: M-My body's gotten really bloated due to being exposed to bright sunlight.
Kag: Don't look at me. I don't want you all to see me like this.
Gin: Kagura...
Gin: R-Relax.
Gin: This is you we're talking about.
Gin: Everyone will just think you ate too much again. No one will care.
Kag: I really did just eat too much, though.
Gin: Oh, and I'll be staying in this room from today on, too.
Gin: Well, with the air conditioning here, it seems more comfortable than Odd Jobs,
Gin: and I can ogle nurses all I want.
Gin: So, uh...
Gin: You can relax and get some sleep.
Gin: This room is the same as the Odd Jobs you know.
Kag: He's being more considerate than usual.
Kag: Thank you, Gin-chan.
Kag: But I don't know how much longer I'll be able to stay with you guys,
Kag: so I want to stay awake and spend as much time as possible with you.
Gin: D-Don't be stupid!
Gin: You'll jinx yourself.
Gin: I'm going to the store to buy Jump.
Gin: Do you need anything?
Kag: I-I want to eat pudding.
Gin: Pudding, huh?
Gin: Here.
Kag: That was quick!
Kag: Even though this is the third floor, and the store is on the first,
Kag: he got back in an instant!
Kag: Was it because I said I wanted to spend as much time as possible with them?
Kag: He must be feeling really guilty.
Kag: That said, he could be as useful as Doraemon right now.
Kag: Sorry, Gin-chan.
Kag: I thought I could eat something sweet, but my stomach's all queasy.
Kag: I'd like something more liquidy, like yo—
Gin: Yogurt, right?
Kag: Too quick!
Kag: He went and b*at up Gian before Nobita could even finish saying "Doraemon"!
Kag: But he was so quick,
Kag: this hasn't even turned into yogurt yet!
Kag: Uh, Gin-chan, this hasn't fermented yet.
Kag: You were too quick.
Gin: Oh, is that so? No wonder I couldn't understand what was going on in Jump.
Gin: This is next week's issue.
Kag: What's that supposed to mean?!
Kag: You were so fast, you went to a store in the future?!
Kag: N-Never mind, then.
Kag: You love strawberry milk, right?
Kag: You can have this.
Gin: Yeah, I drank it earlier.
Kag: Forget fast, now he's just pissing me off.
Kag: In the end, all he did was hand me trash!
Kag: Eating that pudding made me sleepy.
Gin: Before you sleep, there's something I want to talk about.
Gin: Which would you prefer? A big funeral, or a small, private one?
Kag: You're jumping the g*n!
Kag: That's not the kind of sleep I was talking about.
Gin: S-Sorry, that was insensitive of me.
Gin: I wasn't talking about you.
Gin: I meant this.
Kag: That's way more insensitive!
Gin: I was thinking, if we could give you a sky burial, that'd be a big help.
Kag: You'd be fine even if I d*ed, huh?
Gin: That's not true!
Kag: You're right.
Kag: With my body in this state, I'll soon...
Kag: Yeah.
Kag: See that tree outside the window?
Kag: By the time...
Sac: Why is that shrimp flirting with Gin-san?!
Kag: By the time that pervert falls from the tree, I'll be gone, too.
Gin: Th-There's no need to worry. Look!
Gin: The pervert is still hanging from that tree, all lively!
Kag: I wouldn't call that lively.
Kag: Anyway, not that one.
Shin: Sis, we need to hurry up and visit Kagura-chan!
Kag: The pervert over there is already stuck in the ground.
Gin: Don't worry! Look!
Gin: When a pervert falls to the ground, it'll sprout another pervert!
Kag: Not that one.
Kag: That one there is seriously trying to fall.
Gin: He was already fallen to begin with.
Kag: Oh, is that so?
Mad: Aren't you gonna save me?!
Gin: Look, everyone's here to visit you.
Gin: Cheer up.
Gin: If you look that gloomy, they'll laugh at you.
Kag: Looks like he's reflected on his actions a little.
Kag: Oh well.
Kag: Yeah, I kinda feel better now.
Gin: Kagura!
Kag: sh**t! I got greedy and ate too much!
Gin: Y-You okay?
Gin: Wait, what?
Gin: What's with your belly?
Kag: I-I can't breathe!
Kag: My consciousness is fading...
Gin: Hey, Kagura!
Gin: Doctor! Somebody help!
Gin: Hang in there, Kagura!
Gin: Kagura!
Kag: Th-This is bad.
Kag: I managed to distract him from my belly,
Kag: but now I'm in critical condition instead!
Kag: I never intended to take it this far. What do I do?
Hospital ,Sign: Oedo Hospital
Kag: What do I do?!
Shin: Gin-san, how's Kagura-chan?
Shin: K-Kagura-chan...
Shin: Kagura-chan!
Tae: How...
Tae: How did it come to this?
Gin: It's all my fault!
Gin: If only I'd realized it sooner...
Gin: Damn it...
Gin: Damn it...
Gin: Damn it all!
Kag: Oh my God.
Kag: Th-The mood in here has taken a seriously bad turn!
Kag: It totally feels like this is my deathbed!
Kag: I can't tell them. Not after all this.
Kag: I'd rather die than tell them it was just a summer cold!
Kag: This wasn't how it was supposed to be. I never intended to take it this far!
Kag: How did it come to this?
Kag: At this rate, the mood is gonna keep getting worse.
Kag: It's gonna get harder and harder to tell the truth!
Kag: I-I need to tell them now.
Kag: B-But no matter what excuse I make now,
Kag: it's obvious that they'll b*at me into a coma.
Kag: I should wait for the right moment
Kag: and make it look like my condition's getting better!
Kag: H-Hey, Doctor!
Kag: Do something!
DBJ: Her heart rate and pulse are both perfectly stable.
DBJ: How could she be in a coma?
DBJ: This is a Yato disease, huh?
DBJ: There's nothing we can do with our medical science.
Kag: Uh, no, I'm just feigning illness here.
Kag: Just inject some medicine or give me a suppository, and I'll pretend to get better!
DBJ: Forgive me.
DBJ: Please stay by her side and continue to encourage her.
Kag: Aren't you a doctor?!
Kag: Do something! Anything!
Shin: Kagura-chan, hang in there!
Shin: Open your eyes!
Kag: They're wide open!
Kag: My eyeballs are dry as a desert! Let me rest them already!
Shin: Please come back to us, Kagura-chan!
Kag: I'm ready to come back at any time, so just give me a chance to!
Tae: Kagura-chan!
Kag: Oh, I know!
Kag: I can pretend I woke up thanks to them calling out to me!
Tae: Kagura-chan!
Shin: Kagura-chan!
Kag: One more!
Gin: Kagura—
Oto: Stop it.
Oto: She's fought long enough.
Oto: Let her rest in peace.
Kag: Why'd you have to say that, you old hag?!
Kag: I could've woken up with one more call!
Shin: Otose-san...
Oto: Don't look so pathetic.
Oto: Can't you at least
Oto: send her off
Oto: with a smile
Oto: in the end?
Kag: Don't give up on me so easily!
Kag: I can still go on!
Kag: I'm perfectly fine!
Tama: I can tell you're all suffering.
Tama: But instead of spending her final moments in sorrow,
Tama: we should be ourselves.
Tama: Wouldn't that make Kagura-sama happier?
Kag: No. You're saying all the right things, but you're still giving up too quickly.
Cat: Tama's right.
Cat: Now, more than ever,
Cat: we must show her the everyday routine she loved so much.
Cat: Sakata-san,
Cat: cough up last month's rent.
Kag: Who cares about that?!
Kag: Now's not the time for that, is it?!
Gin: It's all my fault.
Gin: If only I hadn't gone to pachinko!
Kag: It really is your fault.
Kag: This is too serious! Were your rent-collecting scenes always this serious?!
Oto: I see.
Oto: Then, out of respect for Kagura,
Oto: I'll write it off as funeral fees.
Gin: Thanks.
Gin: I'd better be grateful to Kagura.
Oto: Not Kagura's.
Oto: Your funeral.
Gin: Touché.
Kag: That's not funny. There's a limit to dark humor!
Kag: And you, don't laugh your ass off! Want me to k*ll you?!
Kag: They've completely given up.
Kag: I'll never find a lifeboat here.
Kag: Somebody help!
Kag: Isn't there anyone who believes I won't die, someone who'll encourage me?!
Kyu: Isn't it too early to give up?
Kyu: Aren't you Kagura-chan's friends?
Kyu: If you give up on her this easily,
Kyu: what will become of her?
Kag: You guys!
Kag: You came to encourage me because I was sick?
Tsu: Don't give up hope just yet.
Spirit,Sign: For the spirit of the deceased
Tsu: I borrowed funeral offerings from everyone in advance.
Tsu: Use this to hold a funeral.
Kag: You were talking about the funeral?!
Spirit ,Sign: For the spirit of the deceased
Kag: I'm not even dead, and I'm already getting funeral offerings.
Kag: What, do people think I'm dead already?
Tae: You guys...
Tsu: I collected these from Yoshiwara, the Yagyu clan, and various other places.
Tsu: Use it.
Sac: That's Yoshiwara's most useful woman for you.
Kag: She's looking out for so many people that she's forgotten all about me!
Oto: Thank you so much.
Oto: I'm sure Kagura's smiling from up in heaven.
Kag: Seriously, I'm not dead yet!
Sac: Don't be so distant.
Sac: We need to support one another in these trying times.
Sac: So cheer up, everyone.
Kag: I'm the one who needs cheering up!
Kyu: Sarutobi, where's your funeral offering?
Gin: Th-Thank you!
Gin: I'll repay you by doubling it in pachinko!
Kag: You're gonna use the money on pachinko?!
Kag: So you don't intend to hold a funeral at all?!
Oto: In that case, consider rent as my offering.
Shin: Gin-san, my wages for this month, too.
Kag: Hey! What are you talking about?!
Gin: F-Forgive me, Kagura.
Gin: You'll be fine with a can of fruit drops as your grave, right?
Kag: Don't think you can get away with anything if you punch the wall and act the part!
Kyu: Gintoki, are you planning on embezzling our funeral offerings?
Kyu: Unacceptable. We're doing this for Kagura-chan's funeral.
Gin: I appreciate the thought,
Gin: but her will said to put her ashes in a can of fruit drops
Gin: and scatter them in a parking lot.
Tsu: You're the one who needs his ashes scattered!
Tsu: Kagura's spirit wouldn't pass on that way.
Tsu: She must be given a proper send-off.
Sac: That's right.
Sac: It'll be held alongside my wedding with Gin-san, so let's make it a big ceremony.
Tae: Good idea.
Tae: And then you two morons will also have your ashes scattered in a parking lot.
Tae: Wonderful.
Cat: And while we're at it,
Cat: let's hold a funeral for a certain hag, as well.
Oto: Funeral for who?!
Sac: If we set off for a new world in a group of three, Kagura-chan won't be lonely.
Tsu: You've got a point.
Kag: Uh, they're kinda getting engrossed in funeral chat.
Kag: Everything's proceeding under the premise that I'm dead.
Kag: This is bad news.
Kag: I might get thrown into a coffin at this rate.
Kag: I'd better do something.
Oki: Give it a rest.
Sign: Preview
Kag: This is bad.
Kag: I ran out of time while looking for a chance to revive.
Keep Your Farewells Short
Kag: The next episode will be "Keep Your Farewells Short" or something.
Sign: Preview
Kag: What do I do?!
text r: No matter what the occasion,
text l: don't talk for too long.
text r: It puts a damper on the proceedings
text l: and makes legs go numb.
07x31 - Take the Initial Premise Lightly, and It'll Cost You
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Japanese manga series where aliens have invaded and taken over feudal Tokyo, an unemployed samurai finds work however he can.
Japanese manga series where aliens have invaded and taken over feudal Tokyo, an unemployed samurai finds work however he can.