01x01 - Episode One

[bunniefuu]

- [PLAYING FOLK-ROCK INTRO]
- [WOMAN SHOUTING]

♪ In the middle of Manhattan ♪

♪ There's a spot unlike the rest ♪

♪ An actual oasis ♪

♪ It's like New York, but undressed ♪

♪ I'm talking 'bout a place that
all the bustle seems to pass ♪

♪ What's this place I speak of? ♪

♪ Why, I'm so glad you asked ♪

♪ It's Central Park ♪

♪ It's a haven, it's a jewel ♪

♪ Central Park ♪

♪ And it even has a pool ♪

♪ The city's little refuge
filled with kind of art and art ♪

♪ And guess what? ♪

♪ It's central in my heart ♪

♪ The cops patrol on horsies ♪

♪ As the kiddos hide their weed ♪

Be cool. Be cool.

♪ There's tennis players deucin' ♪

♪ And he just deuced for free ♪

Good job!

♪ See Rollerbladers tripping ♪

♪ Yogis doing downward dog ♪

♪ And truant students skipping ♪

♪ While their Waspy mothers jog ♪

♪ Central Park ♪

♪ Built in ♪

♪ Central Park ♪

♪ Where all rats go to heaven ♪

♪ It used to be a village ♪

♪ But no one talks about that part ♪

♪ Dark chapter ♪

♪ Anyhoo... ♪

♪ It's central in my heart ♪

♪ And in this gorgeous haunt
you'll find all you'd ever want ♪

♪ Picnics on the giant lawn ♪

♪ Rowboats floating on the pond ♪

♪ Carts with churros, mangoes too ♪

- ♪ Hey, halal ♪
- ♪ Hello to you ♪

- ♪ Shakespeare plays ♪
- ♪ Folksy tunes ♪

- ♪ Bucket drummers ♪
- ♪ Fun cartoons ♪

♪ People play and people sing
that guy won't do anything ♪

- ♪ The park's a meeting spot ♪
- ♪ A melting pot ♪

♪ It's like this souvenir I bought ♪

♪ An equalizer an exerciser ♪

♪ A perfect place to wear my visor ♪

♪ Central Park ♪

♪ Where the animals can talk ♪

♪ Central Park ♪

♪ My mistake they cannot talk ♪

♪ Grandiose and glorious
unlike any place on Earth ♪

♪ Where else can your son and daughter
splash in dirty hot dog water? ♪

♪ Here at the midpoint ♪

♪ A park that's so central ♪

♪ The name's not that clever ♪

♪ But screw it, whatever ♪

♪ It's central ♪

♪ In my heart ♪

Ooh! [SIGHS] Hi. I am a
humble troubadour, a busker.

They call me Birdie,
'cause I sing like a bird,

and I've bathed in that fountain.

And this behind me is Edendale "Castle".

I'm putting quotes around "castle"

because I think it was originally
built to hold shovels, or b...

horse bones or dead people.

But now, this is where the manager
of the park lives with his family.

Let's peek inside. It's not
creepy. I'm the narrator.

[WHISPERING] But we should,
you know, not get caught.

Not 'cause it's creepy, but we
should... Let's just be cautious.

That's Cole. [MAKES WHOOSHING SOUNDS]

That's Molly. [MAKES WHOOSHING SOUNDS]

Their mom is Paige.
[MAKES WHOOSHING SOUNDS]

And the dad is Owen. [WHOOSHING SOUNDS]

He's the park manager.

That's why he's wearing those
shorts. They tell you he's in charge.

- Does anybody hear whispering?
- Damn it.

[ALL] No.

Well, happy Hot Lips
Turtlehead Day, everyone.

The coolest annual flower
blooming celebration on earth.

Are we excited? Are we
dancing? Yeah, we're dancing.

- Is that dancing?
- Arms, maybe. Legs, I don't know.

I love Hot Lips Turtlehead Day.

More than graffiti removal week?

Oh, I do love that.

But yes, even more.

And I've got stickers
for the crowd this year.

"Everybody's turtleheading".

Dad, you know that
"turtleheading" also means

when you really have
to go to the bathroom?

It does?

Yeah, the turtle sticks his
little head out eagerly. No?

Oh, no. Oh, no. I made so many of these.

- Oof.
- [SIGHS] It doesn't matter.

People are still gonna
show up this year.

Still gonna have a good time.

People probably aren't
gonna show up this year,

and last year wasn't great.

Whoo! Look at that, huh?

New Yorkers just don't get as excited

about flowers blooming as they used to.

I blame it on the fact that
there's any other thing to do.

Ooh. I should get going.

- [KISSING SOUNDS]
- Oh.

Not gonna swing by the flower
beds on your way to work?

You know, today's the day I'm
having the big talk with my editor.

[WHISPERING] Paige works
at a small weekly newspaper

that is the number one most
left-on-the-subway paper in the city.

Yep. I'm gonna try to convince
Marvin to let me cover actual news.

Can't keep doing fluffy fluff.
I'm a journalist, not a cat.

No matter what you write, Mom,
I'll always pretend I read it.

- Oh, you. Who's my special boy?
- Me.

Look at you. You are my special boy.

Too bad you can't just
stick him back up there.

- What?
- Nothing.

Well, it's just me and the kids then.

Turtleheading together. Nope.
Keep forgetting what that means.

When did people decide that?

Wow. Look at the time. Gotta go.

What? Where you going?
What about the flowers?

I gotta be somewhere.

To draw. A boy.

I mean, I wanna watch him from afar.

Without his knowledge. But respectfully.

No, of course.

I saw him flying his kite last weekend,

and I don't even care that he's cute.

'Cause I'm not into appearances

or athletic shoulders
at all. I don't care.

He just seemed like the kind of boy

who would maybe fly
his kite at the same time

every Saturday near
that rock I hide behind.

If the wind is blowing, which
it is, out of the northeast,

not that I researched that...
I gotta go! I have to go!

[WHISPERING] By the way,
there's nothing wrong

with watching people from afar,

or through a window, or whatever.

Duck down. Duck down.

- Huh. Didn't I used to have more sausage?
- Didn't we all?

But that's life, huh? I gotta go.

What about the turtleheads?

[WHISPERING] That sausage
is gonna come up later.

You'll see. Follow the sausage.

It's a link to something.

[SNICKERS] Get it? I love puns.

Glasses, glasses. Oh, God. Glasses.

- [MAN] Owen?
- I'm here, Elwood. Go ahead.

Bitsy Brandenham's dog,

Shampagne the shih tzi-doodle,
is lost in the park.

She's gonna have a press conference

about it in one hour at
the Brandenham Hotel.

- Okay. Thanks for letting me know.
- What's a shih tzi-doodle?

Elwood, I'll meet you
by the flower beds, okay?

- I need to cover that.
- What? Why?

Heiress's dog goes missing?

This could be my way into real news.

Maybe he was kidnapped. I
mean, that would be awful.

But also fantastic.
But awful. Really bad.

But aren't you supposed
to go talk to your boss?

Uh-huh. Or I could walk in there

with a great angle on a breaking story

and prove to him that
I can do hard news.

Oh, my God! I found my glasses!

I'm becoming my mother,

but without all the
hidden packs of cigarettes.

Okay, bye, bye, bye, bye...

So, you're probably thinking,
"Who is Bitsy What'sis'sit?"

♪ The heiress to a fortune
Bitsy's quite the institution ♪

♪ She's like the Queen of Hearts
in that she loves an execution ♪

♪ The Brandenham Hotel is where
she's perched upon her throne ♪

♪ And she's billin' as our villain ♪

♪ Though that isn't quite yet known ♪

Except by you guys. You
know now, so shh, shh.

Damn it, Shampagne. Where are you?

I miss everything about you.

Your nonallergenic fur, your
weirdly-hard-to-treat worms.

Oh. It's like I've lost , friends.

Are you distraught?

I'm distraught.

I have something that
will make you feel better.

This cream was made from whale anus.

Hmm. [WHISPERS] Is it legal?

[WHISPERS] I think it's illegal.

I love that because I hate them.

Whales, they think they're so big.

Yes... Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no... No.

You're supposed to eat it, I think.

Oh. [SMACKING LIPS] Oh.

That's nice.

Oh, no. No, sorry, it's for your skin.

Damn it!

[MUTTERS]

Do I look younger?

Oh, you could be my daughter.

[GROANS] Oh, Shampagne. Where are you?

How could this have happened, Helen?

I know. It's really, really
terrible. I can't stand it.

Damn! Damn that stupid dog walker.

Well, he seemed competent
when I interviewed him.

I don't really believe in leashes.

It puts me in a power position

with the dog that makes
me uncomfortable.

- You're hired.
- Also, I'm a narcoleptic.

- Love it. Not a problem.
- Oh, great.

I wish Shampagne were here.

We would be making fun
of you so much right now.

Yes, you sure would.

We'd start with those shoes and
just work our way up. [SNIFFLES]

And when you bend over,
we'd make a fart noise.

- [MAKING FART NOISES]
- Yeah. Okay.

[GROANS] It's just not the same.
[SOBBING] It's not the same.

[SOBBING]

People will come, right?
Who doesn't like flowers?

It's Turtlehead Day!
Sorry, you're playing.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I can
take a break. I'm taking a break!

It's Hot Lips Turtlehead Day.
All day. Over at the flower beds.

Oh, I'm not interested
in any way, but thank you!

Huh.

What's wrong, buddy? You
just said "huh" really sadly.

It's nothing. It's fine.

Oh, come on. You can tell me.

I'm a street musician.
I'm almost like a priest.

- I don't think that's true.
- Yeah, no, it is.

It's just... I think maybe no
one cares about the turtleheads.

I mean, I can't even get my
own kids excited about them.

- Am I the only one who cares?
- What?

Is my job stupid?

Would I be more useful to the world

if I worked in a... in a factory?

Like a sock factory?
Everybody needs socks.

Whoa, whoa, mister. That's crazy talk.

- People don't need socks anymore.
- They don't?

Hey, bring it in. Let's
have a little pep talk.

- No, thanks.
- No, don't fight it. We're doing this.

Okay, but I might think about
other things while you're talking.

- No, you won't. You'll be riveted.
- Okay.

Socks suck. Except as puppets.

People don't need socks,
but they do need parks.

And this park needs you.

And you need me to tell you the
park needs you and your socks,

which I'm just noticing
are pulled up so high.

That was better than I
thought it was gonna be.

- Was it? Really?
- Yeah.

- I feel like I didn't get there.
- No, you did. I'm gonna go.

Was it too much sock stuff?

No, it was perfect.

Oh, great. All right. I'll
just go back to playing.

Yeah, break's over now!
I'm gonna play again!

[POP MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Folks today don't see my way ♪

♪ Though the flora is
sure to be a nice array ♪

♪ And my children tell me "no" ♪

♪ They got their people to see ♪

♪ They got a place to go ♪

♪ Does it make me sad?
Does it hurt old Dad? ♪

♪ Or should I go with the flow? ♪

♪ Flower beds with turtleheads ♪

♪ Got me spinnin' and a-grinnin'
when the bloomin' spreads ♪

♪ Hey! Another turtle geek ♪

♪ No, wait, that's just a
fella trying to take a leak ♪

♪ Guess it's only me that's a devotee ♪

♪ But am I enough? ♪

♪ What if I own it? ♪

♪ Wanna be like, wanna be
like someone who can own it ♪

♪ Wanna get to, wanna get to
a point where I can dance like a dad ♪

♪ With my shirt tucked in ♪

♪ Like it doesn't look bad
when the cramps set in ♪

♪ I'm gonna own it ♪

♪ And my name is yeah, my name is Owen ♪

♪ And I own it ♪

♪ And I like my, and I like my flowers
when they bloom in the moon ♪

♪ Like the fruit of the loom ♪

♪ You can say I'm alone ♪

♪ But I celebrate my
turtleheads and own it ♪

♪ Guess my boss assumes I'm soft ♪

♪ So, I'll go to this and show
him I can write my ass off ♪

♪ If only he'd assign real news ♪

♪ Instead of fluffy fluff and
beauty stuff and style reviews ♪

♪ That's a minor glitch
'cause I've got the itch ♪

♪ And a lot to prove ♪

♪ I'm gonna own it ♪

♪ Gonna kick in, gonna kick
the door in like I own it ♪

♪ Gonna bust in,
gonna bust in headfirst ♪

♪ Like a badass boss lady mom of two ♪

♪ Like a one-chick
Bernstein and Woodward too ♪

♪ I'm gonna own it ♪

♪ Gonna get in, gonna get in
hone it and then own it ♪

♪ Gonna put my, gonna put my foot down ♪

♪ Like my pits and my bits
aren't schvitzing now ♪

♪ And holy cow ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm finally gonna
show 'em how I own it ♪

I'm offering a reward of $ ,
to whomever finds Shampagne.

In fact, you know what? Make it , .

Wait, no, ... , .

Print that, you news monkeys.

Or post it, or like it, or whatever.

The dog was last seen in Central Park.

Oh, oh. Let me out here.

[CHATTERING]

♪ Is it weird to hide in the shadows? ♪

♪ Is it weird to follow so close? ♪

♪ Is it so weird I know where he goes? ♪

♪ Oh ♪

[TOGETHER] ♪ Is it bad
I have this affection? ♪

♪ Is it bad I can't look away? ♪

♪ If I don't tell, would that be okay? ♪

- Hey.
- Hey.

♪ Come on, be bold-faced ♪

♪ Be daring ♪

♪ Or never own it at all ♪

♪ Never own it at all ♪

Helen, hold this.

♪ I'm gonna own this ♪

♪ 'Cause whenever yeah,
whenever Bitsy dies I own this ♪

♪ I don't miss you, little shih tzu ♪

♪ Now that you are gone I'll
be next in the heirloom line ♪

♪ And all the furniture you
see here is mine, mine, mine ♪

♪ I'm gonna own it ♪

♪ And I'm gonna yeah, I'm
gonna be the one to own it ♪

♪ Gonna bathe in, gonna bathe
in hundred-dollar bills ♪

♪ With a man who looks like Magic Mike ♪

♪ While I nibble on the kibble
that I know you like ♪

[CHOIR SINGS] ♪ Own it, own it, own it ♪

♪ I can also sing ♪

[COLE] ♪ A new best friend for Cole ♪

♪ I'll be bold-faced and daring ♪

♪ I will be the one in control
so my dreams come true ♪

♪ So I get what I want ♪

♪ And my little dog too ♪

- [BIRDIE] ♪ I'm still here ♪
- [OTHERS CONTINUE SINGING]

[OWEN] ♪ Raise awareness
for turtleheads ♪

♪ I'll be free to openly stare ♪

♪ Be a billionaire ♪

♪ It's totally healthy how much I care ♪

♪ Now I gotta now I gotta own it ♪

[CHATTERING]

They're coming. People are coming.

- Oh, no.
- Kinda stompy.

No, no, no, no!

[DOG PANTING]

[DOG WHIMPERS]

[WHISPERS] Good boy, Shampagne.

So Cole had the dog all along?

[GASPS] That's crazy! No, I knew.

No. Stop it. Stop that.

Here, doggy. Here, money, money, money.

- Get out of there.
- Here, cold, hard cash.

They're not gonna stop.
We gotta find that dog.

Actually, actually, you stay here.

- Someone needs to protect the flowers.
- Oh, no.

- And that someone, Elwood, is you.
- No, no, no.

- You're the only one who can do it.
- No, no, no...

- I'm scared. I can't do it.
- Protect the flowers, Elwood.

- No, I can't do it. Oh, God.
- Okay, great.

- You stay here, stay strong, Elwood.
- Don't leave me!

[KEYPAD BEEPS]

- Hi, babe.
- Owen, get this.

Bitsy offered a $ ,
reward. Can you believe it?

- People are gonna go nuts.
- Yep.

- What's that sound?
- The people, going nuts. It's a madhouse.

That's amazing! I gotta get over there.

Uh, I mean, I'm sorry, sweetie.

Don't let anyone find
the dog till I get there.

Yeah. Yeah, of course.

Sir! Do not put peanut
butter on a statue!

That is not a good way to catch a dog.

You people stop messing up my park!

- Here, Shampagne.
- Uh, reward. Reward, where are you?

[GROANS] They're closing in. Okay, okay.

Uh, we could go to the pump
house behind the boathouse.

Or maybe the old skate
shack by the ice rink?

[BARKS SOFTLY]

[WHISPERS] You have to be
really quiet, Shampagne.

- Here. Uh, chew on your friend, Flippy.
- [MURMURS]

Shh, shh. Shh, shh, shh.

Look at me. This is real talk.

In this crazy, crazy
mixed-up world, I found you.

And no one's gonna
separate us. You hear me?

Okay, now you say something.

[GASPS] I understand completely.

You want another sausage? Yeah, you do.

Okay, let's move.

[SCREAMS]

- Cole?
- Nothing!

- Why were you in the shed?
- I thought...

See, what had happened
was, it was rain...

I thought it was raining.

- Oh, wow, it cleared up so fast.
- I'm looking for the lost dog.

Why don't you come with me?
You can be another pair of eyes.

- I think I'm allergic to dogs.
- No, you're not.

Well, I'm allergic to your
shenanigans, mister,

so knock it off. [CHUCKLES]

- What?
- Oh, gosh. I'm b*at.

- Are you b*at? Should we go home?
- Come on. Come on. Let's go.

Damn.

[WHIMPERS]

Blar. Destroy.

Uh-oh. Evil robot from the future.

You can't stop us, Fista Puffs,

puny girl hero who's
never even kissed anyone.

Okay. That doesn't seem relevant.

It's pretty relevant.

- What do we do?
- I'll go for his legs with my hair.

You go for his head with your kite.

Oh, a kite. What are you trying
to do? Delight me to death?

- Are you drawing me?
- [GASPS] Um, I... No.

Really? "Kite Boy"?

Oh, look at that. You have
a... You have a kite too.

That's a... What a crazy coincidence.

Well, I like your drawing style.

Uh, I... [CLEARS THROAT]

Uh, my name is Brendan.

Mol... [CLEARS THROAT] Sorry. Molly.

- You okay?
- Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep...

- Okay. I have to go.
- Okay.

I'll probably see you around

since I saw you here last week
behind this same rock. [CHUCKLES]

[CLEARING THROAT] That was
someone who looks like me.

I mean, unless you're cool
with it, and then it was me.

Yep, you're gone, so...

Huh. [SQUEALS]

Bye!

Well, we looked everywhere.
That dog is clearly dead.

You said that, like, times.

- That doesn't make it less true.
- [DOG BARKS]

- Wait, did you hear that?
- [DOG BARKING]

- [COLE BARKING]
- What's that? What are you doing?

Dog call to try to get the dog to come.

- [BARKS]
- [BARKING]

Well, that worked, huh?

Is this the dog? This is the dog.

Why do you have the dog?
How long have you had him?

- What time is it?
- Around : .

- Since yesterday.
- What?

We need to get this dog
returned as quickly as possible

so people stop tearing up my park.

Wait, Dad. Can we sidebar?

I have a totally unrelated question.

You know how you've always
said we should get a dog?

I've never said that in my life, Cole.

He was covered in
perfume when I found him.

I was like, "Who puts perfume
on a dog? That's messed up".

Doesn't matter, Cole.

Bitsy is a rich old lady, and
this is her little rich dog.

But I love him, Dad.

[HIP-HOP PLAYING]

♪ I know it looks like
dognapping behavior ♪

♪ But trust me, Dad I'm
this furry guy's savior ♪

♪ Trapped up in the tower
with only Bitsy to nuzzle ♪

♪ Shampagne is like a
way better Rapunzel ♪

♪ And it's not like I took him
if anything, he took me ♪

♪ He took my breath away
when he was taking a pee ♪

♪ Putting aside this is
probably against the law ♪

♪ That's just a tiny flaw ♪

♪ Son, you can't have a dog ♪

♪ Let me keep this dog and
I will never not walk him ♪

♪ I know that's a double
negative but I'm smart ♪

♪ And I'll take him to the
veterinarian when he's ill ♪

♪ I'll get some peanut butter
to help him swallow his pill ♪

♪ Right now, he's a lapdog
in the lap of luxury ♪

♪ But he shouldn't be cooped up he
should be out there running free ♪

♪ Look at his eyes can't you
see that he's sad, man? ♪

♪ I'll clean up his poops you
can call me Mr. Bag Hands ♪

"Mr. Bag Hands"?

- ♪ When he poops, I'll pick it up ♪
- You'll pick it up?

♪ I'll pick it up when he
poops, I'll pick it up ♪

- No, you won't.
- ♪ I will, I love that dog ♪

♪ Son, we gotta think
about the consequence ♪

♪ What if we are sent
to doggy jail for this? ♪

♪ Can't keep this dog ♪

♪ Papa, I believe this
puppy's heaven-sent ♪

♪ I promise to pick up
his every excrement ♪

- I love you, Dad.
- I love you too, son.

We're not keeping the dog.

Hey! There's my boys.

Oh, it's your mom.

So, in conclusion, my
son kidnapped the dog.

There's my article.

Rescued. Does anyone
maybe think "rescued"

works better in this situation?

- I can't write any of this.
- We're gonna say we found it.

And we're gonna return the dog
without mentioning when we found it.

And we're gonna be lying liars.
And you are in huge trouble.

- I don't love the last part.
- [BARKS]

Oh, my God. You're adorable.

I get it. I totally get
it. Let's keep him.

No, I'm kidding. I'm absolutely kidding.

We can't keep him. You
guys should return him.

Oh, Shampagne! Look at you.
Someone needs a blowout.

I suppose you'll be wanting the reward.

Oh, no. I'm the park manager.
I'm just doing my job.

I don't want any money.

- Park manager? [GROANS]
- What?

Let's both be strong, okay?

And don't you start crying,
or I'll... I'll start crying.

- [BARKS]
- Okay. Okay. Sheesh. Clingy, huh?

[SNIFFS] You smell weird.

He smells weird. What did you do to him?

Rinsed him off with a hose.

Um, maybe don't do that.

Dogs don't really like that.

Oh, wait. Shampagne
found this flip-flop.

We played tug-of-w*r with it for hours.

I mean, a couple of minutes.

But now he loves it.

- Oh, yuck.
- [SHAMPAGNE WHIMPERING]

He's not himself. He missed
his massage this week.

I think we should go.

Where is the button?
Why is there no button?

It's right there.

- That's ridiculous!
- Oh, is it, Mr. Park Manager?

Are you an elevator button
expert too? A double thr*at?

[HOWLING]

[COLE HOWLING]

No howling! No howling!

Good luck managing the park.
That's gonna go great for you.

Wait. What's that supposed
to mean? Now it closes.

Just tell the press you have the dog,

so people stop tearing the place up.

Whatever. Nerd.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

God, it's a m*ssacre.

I hope they didn't suffer. Oof.
That one looks like it suffered.

Why'd you have to hide the dog, Cole?

None of this would've happened

if you just told us you found the dog.

[VOICE CRACKING] Yes, I know
my voice sounds weird right now,

but it's 'cause I'm angry.

And I'm not used to being angry!

[VOICE SQUEAKING] And now
I can't stop going higher.

♪ My heart is broken now
that we've returned that pup ♪

♪ My hopes have dropped like
poop that cannot be picked up ♪

♪ Hey, son, I hear you ♪

♪ And I know you're feeling crushed ♪

♪ Just like my turtleheads your
dreams were turned to dust ♪

[SNIFFLING]

Sorry, Dad. I just...

I loved him.

I know. I know you did.

[SLOW ORCHESTRAL MELODY]

[SIGHS] I'm sorry about the
dog, Cole. He was so cute.

I mean, he still is.
You just don't have him.

Sorry. Will cookies help?

No! What kind?

Uh, they might be gone.

Hi. Hi, Dad.

Hey, Molly. How'd it go with
drawing/watching the boy?

Pretty good. Pretty good. I love him.

What? I didn't say that. Anyway...

Um, I'm sorry I didn't
go to the flower thing.

We should've been there, Dad.

It's okay, Molly. It's not that
bad. They're just all dead.

Right. Well, not all of them.

Oh, honey. Thank you.

That pot's too small, but
it's a really nice gesture.

Oh, Paige. I almost forgot.

Did you meet with your
editor? How'd that go?

Well, I'll tell you.

As I was walking back to the office,
I had a new idea for a story.

And I wrote it up, and
I gave it to my editor.

And he printed it!

- Whoa! Hon, that's great!
- Nice, Mom.

Well, it's online, not
printed, but take a look.

"Hot Lips Turtlehead Garden
Destroyed by Reward-Seekers".

- Paige, did you write about the flowers?
- Mm-hmm.

- Am I gonna be sad?
- Keep reading.

"Each fall, the beloved hot
lips turtleheads of Central Park

fight the cold weather
and bloom defiantly,

but this year, they faced
a much tougher battle".

This is really sweet.

I am gonna cry. In a good way.

- You'll get 'em next year.
- Oh, it's gonna be huge next year.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, so huge.

Should we buy tickets now?

- Get in here.
- Aw.

Dad, you have a turtlehead
sticker on your butt.

- I put it there.
- I like it.

Aw, that's really nice. But
you need to know something.

I hate to be a bad news bear,
but here's some bad news.

Bear with me.

Things are about to get
grizzly... man. Sorry.

I hate that park, Shampagne.

It's just a patch of dirt and weeds.

And we're gonna buy it.

Oh, yes, we are, my little baby.

We're gonna do the
biggest real estate deal

in the history of the world. [CACKLES]

♪ Central Park with a
Gap and Dunkin' Donuts ♪

♪ Central Park get your
wallets out and go nuts ♪

♪ Formerly a playground for
the city's filth and grime ♪

♪ Now, we'll put a condo
there and a condo there ♪

♪ And a TGI Fridays there ♪

♪ I'll poison this spot ♪

♪ And I will not get caught ♪

♪ And then like it or not ♪

♪ They will sell me the lot ♪

♪ It's central ♪

♪ To my plot ♪

[OWEN] ♪ He has a home
we have to give him back ♪

[COLE] ♪ I'll take good care of him ♪

[OWEN] ♪ We've been discussing
that we can't keep him ♪

♪ That's not part of the plan ♪

[COLE] ♪ We have to keep him he
makes me wanna be a better man ♪

♪ Please, Dad ♪

- ♪ When he poops I'll pick it up ♪
- No.

♪ I'll pick it up when
he poops I'll pick it up ♪

[OWEN] Not that it matters,
but no, you won't.

[COLE] ♪ I love that dog ♪

[OWEN] ♪ Son, we gotta think
about the consequence ♪

♪ What if we are sent
to doggy jail for this? ♪

♪ Can't keep this dog ♪

[COLE] ♪ Papa, I believe
this puppy's heaven-sent ♪

♪ I promise to pick up
his every excrement ♪

All right, so it's settled.
We're keeping him.

No, it seems like he's gonna
be really great to have around.

- [OWEN] No.
- He's my best friend.

- [OWEN] Doesn't matter.
- I love you, Dad.

[OWEN] I love you too, son.
We're not keeping the dog.