You know what I love most about New York?
It's never too late to go for your dreams.
Also, trash flowers.
Ah, I love lilies.
And, uh, mmm, pastrami.
Paige came to New York
with a dream of being a writer,
and now her little sister Abby,
an aspiring actress
from Oshkosh, Wisconsin,
just moved here to chase her dream.
Yeah, dreams are really coming true today.
Well, hopefully not mine.
Last night I dreamt a napkin used me
to wipe its mouth.
Anyway, Paige is extra busy
getting everyone ready
because today Aunt Abby's
coming for dinner.
Oh, no! It's my dream!
All right, kids! Let's go!
Hurry down! Breakfast is read... Oh.
Mom, inside voice, please.
I saw the little punching bag
in the back of your throat.
I thought it looked more like
a chicken leg.
Owe... Oh, sorry.
Why are you carrying a house plant?
It's for Abby's new apartment.
I know she kills everything,
but this guy's tough.
She'll have to push it off a bridge.
Eh, let me just get this out of your hair.
- Lint?
- Hash brown.
I'll eat it.
Can you believe Abby's
never lived anywhere but Oshkosh?
Her whole life's gonna change.
That's right. And someone else's life
might change today too.
You have your big meeting
with the publisher this afternoon.
It's very exciting,
but I'm trying not to get my hopes up.
They should be up.
The publisher read your big exposé
on the mayor,
- and now they want you to write a book.
- Okay, okay.
Have you practiced your autograph
for all your book signings?
You should start packing
for your cross-country book tour.
Those things go on for months.
You guys are being ridiculous.
Nobody is going anywhere.
Eventually, you'll have to tell Marvin
you gotta quit the paper too.
You guys, it's just a meeting.
Enough about me.
Plus, today is Aunt Abby day.
She's here, in the city,
and we're seeing her tonight.
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Okay. So I think I know what
we should make Aunt Abby
for her special
"Welcome to New York" dessert.
- I do, too. A croquembouche!
- Chewing gum!
Gum? No, absolutely not.
Why not? Everyone likes gum.
First of all, I'm Aunt Abby's favorite,
so I'm more in-touch with what she wants,
which is a croquembouche.
Aunt Abby's favorite?
I'm her best friend.
Also, your dumb croquembouche thing
needs 23 eggs and takes 4 hours.
Who has that kind of time?
And eggs? Big Bird?
Wait, what exactly is a croquembouche?
I mean, I totally know but your dad
looks like he doesn't, so tell him.
It's a tower of cream puffs
bound together by layers of caramel.
I saw it on the United Kingdom of Cakes
during "Bloody Stupid Hard Week."
Well, how 'bout this?
Give me a list of all the ingredients
you need and you guys can make both.
I'll go grocery shopping
while you're at school.
- But it's not a cooking competition.
- Agreed.
It's a competition to see who's Aunt
Abby's favorite, and Cole's gonna lose.
Well, get ready, here I gum.
You know, I'm just gonna run this over
to Abby's now.
Now? She's coming over tonight.
I know, but it's a housewarming present.
I should give it to her at her house.
Plus, she's been in the city for two days
and I haven't seen her yet.
She's an innocent, naïve Oshkosh-a-nito.
She's 34. She'll be okay.
I'll just go check on her,
and then I'll head to my meeting.
Okay, but take some food with you.
And a stain stick too, in case the food
gets on your everywhere.
Yep. Makes sense.
Mmm, some for you,
- and now back to me.
- Hmm. Hmm.
Oh, my God. Bitsy... Oh, um,
do you need me to get you another fork?
Why? Feeding Shampagne foie gras
is how I express love.
What do you want anyway?
Can't you see I'm very, very busy?
Ooh, looks like someone left
a little for mommy.
Ugh, your pianist is here.
- My penis?
- Your piano player from the lounge.
His name is Gimble?
He'd like to have a word with you.
Fine. Let him in.
Hello, hi. I'm sorry to bother you,
Miss Brandenham,
but I've had an accident and I'm afraid
I can't play piano for a while.
I broke my wrist helping my brother-in-law
move a doghouse.
He forgot to tell me
the dog was still in there.
Oh, no. I'm so sorry.
- Fire him.
- On it.
Wait, wait, wait. I... I know
the perfect person to fill in.
I-It's actually my wife, Devora.
She's beautiful and talented.
A... A truly gifted musician.
Trust me, she's incredible.
Might be hard to find anyone else
on short notice.
Ugh, fine. But she better be good.
I'm taking an important meeting
in the lounge today,
and if she sucks, you're both fired.
Uh-uh-uh. There's just one bite left.
Let's Lady-and-the-Tramp it.
Hello. I hope I have the right place.
I'm looking for my little sister who just
moved to New York City to be an actress?
Basically a full-blown badass.
Oh, yes. I am she.
- You're here!
- I'm here!
Come in, come in!
I can't wait to show you this place,
and introduce you to my roommates.
You have more than one roommate?
Oh, yeah! Oh, God, yeah!
That's why it's only 2,000 bucks a month.
These are the owners.
Mr. and Mrs. Mandelbaum,
this is my sister, Paige.
- Nice to meet you.
- Louder. You gotta be louder.
- Ni... Ni... Nice...
- Yeah, they can't hear.
Uh, nice to meet you.
- They can't hear you. You gotta be louder.
- Uh, oh, okay. Louder.
Nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Mandelbaum.
What? Oh, hi.
There we go.
Hello, Paige. I'm DJ Hiney.
Yuh, yuh, yuh, yuh, yuh, yuh, yuh!
I spin for you, please.
Make some noise.
Huh, huh, huh, huh.
- Whoo! Okay. You wrote that?
- Huh, huh, huh.
- Wow, it's really loud.
- Huh, huh, huh.
There is so much talent in this city.
You know what?
Do you wanna see my area?
- Your area?
- Yeah, yeah. Let's go check it out.
Goodbye, Mr. and Mrs. Mandelbaum.
I'm gonna go show Paige my area.
And we're here.
Whoa, this is small, but it's cozy.
And look, a window!
Ooh, that fish market smell
really comes through, doesn't it?
Mmm, I know. I just love it.
Oh, this is from Owen.
Aw, thanks.
Isn't this place great?
Paige, I did it.
I'm an actress living in the Big Apple.
I'm so proud of you.
It takes guts to move to New York.
Thanks. I mean, you know,
I finally got the courage to do at 34
what you did at 21, but...
Wait, do you have to go to work
or something, and I'm blabbing away?
No. I just have a meeting thingy later.
You know what I don't see hanging?
A watering can.
Now that you're a plant mommy,
you're gonna need one.
- Oh, it's fine. I'll just use a cup.
- A cup? Abby!
You sound crazy.
Let's run out and get you a watering can.
Okay. Wait... Um,
we don't need to take the subway, right?
- Still afraid of subways?
- No, no. Not afraid.
I'm just, like, not a fan, you know,
of underground anything and trains
and a-also being surrounded by people,
you know?
- Abby.
- And the steep stairs,
they make me go, like...
- Abby!
- It's like, I keep thinking,
"What if I hold up the line
because my subway card won't swipe
and then people behind me
start saying swears?"
Fine. We won't take the subway.
Hmm, whatever you want. Let's go.
Okay. Lot of ingredients.
I wonder if they just sell
the croquembouches here.
Hmm, doesn't look like it.
They do sell gum...
Nope, nope.
I'm just getting the ingredients.
It's silly, but that adorable,
tiny watering can
really makes it feel
like you live here now.
I know, right? Ooh, I should get going.
- Plus, you have your meeting thingy.
- Oh, no. It's fine.
Ooh, I know!
Let's get you a New York bagel.
I can't. I'm actually
sh**ting some headshots
with a real Big Apple photographer today.
And get this.
It's cheaper than in Oshkosh.
Whoa, whoa, red flag.
Who's this suspiciously affordable
photographer?
His name is Lester Posey,
and he said he's a little uptown,
so I need some time to get up there.
- Where uptown?
- Somewhere on 189th Street?
That's not uptown. That's Albany.
This sounds scammy.
Where did you find this guy?
In a New York Noobies chat room.
Cool, right?
Okay. This guy just went from potential
scammer to potential serial k*ller.
- Abby, you can't go.
- Paige, I can take care of myself, okay?
I taught stage combat
at the Oshkosh Playhouse, so hiya!
- Remember that?
- Yeah, I know.
You gave that kid a bloody nose,
and his mom got upset.
- Yeah. That's my training.
- This isn't summer stock.
I know that. It's the Big Apple.
Abs, no one in New York calls it that.
Look, I'm going with you.
Okay. But what about your meeting thingy?
What about your internal organs?
I'm coming with you.
Well, up to you. Let's go!
Hey, kids! Got your dessert stuff.
Now remember, this is not a competition.
- Don't touch my freaking eggs!
- You mean these eggs?
Cole! Cole, stop! No! No!
You don't understand
how important these are.
You're making gum.
Something she'll chew up and spit out.
It's literally garbage.
Well, Aunt Abby's gonna take one bite
of your croquem-barf
and think you hate her.
Oh, and guess who's gonna be there
to get the bad taste out of her mouth?
- Gum.
- Okay.
If you two are gonna be like this,
could you at least try
to clean up after yourselves?
Sure, Dad. How 'bout I start
by mopping the floor with Molly?
I hate to burst your bubble,
but I'm gonna walk away with this.
Dessert battle begins now! Damn it!
Ms. Brandenham, I'm Devora.
I'm thrilled to be performing
in your lounge.
- I'm sure you are.
- I've always enjoyed...
Okay. We're not sorority sisters.
- Helen, let's walk over there now.
- Mm-hmm.
The people from Capshaw Financial
should be here soon.
They agreed to the fee you quoted them.
Huh, they did?
I tripled what I normally ask for.
Who's financial now?
But they said they wanted to see
our lounge and check out our live music.
They're having a cocktail reception
for their Financial Advisers
Regulatory Taskforce.
Or F-A-R-T.
They're having a FART party.
Ugh, they probably wanna make sure
there's room for their calculators. Nerds.
Welcome to the beautiful Brandenham Hotel.
I'm Devora Gimble. Let's get lost.
Helen, why is she... What's happening?
I believe she's scatting.
Scatting is improvised jazz singing
where the voice is used
to imitate an instrument.
To do it well takes confidence,
passion and a command of gibberish.
You just need a mouth, I guess.
- Is she saying the alphabet?
- I think she's just doing the vowels.
Well, get her out of here.
Uh, the big selling point
to Capshaw Financial was live music.
Sounds like a bird turning into a human.
Zero online reviews
for Lester Posey Photography.
A photographer with the last name Posey?
- Who's that?
- Uh, nothing. Just Owen.
Gosh, this traffic is terrible.
Excuse me, sir.
You can cut over to Riverside.
- It's usually pretty open at this hour.
- Whoa, how do you know all this?
You'll learn your way around soon enough.
Or, you know,
you could always just take the subway.
I don't know.
I think I'll probably stick to walking
- and taking cabs here in the Big Apple.
- New York.
All I'm saying is, living in this city
and not riding the subway
is like going to Oshkosh
and not having cheese curds.
Cheese curds
sound so good right now.
Oh, yeah.
I could go for a bag of fried curds.
From Opa's cheese curd stand at the fair.
Oh, Opa.
All right. You kids are still at it?
Yeah. I'm just over here
getting the perfect color on my caramel.
I am very good at this.
And I've got this gum wrapped
around my finger. Literally.
Wow! Lotta dishes.
Oh, it's gonna be hard to clean this pan.
Molly, you burnt this sugar to a crisp.
That was just my first attempt,
but I figured it out.
Ha! Sounds like somebody's more croak
than bouche!
Lotta gum in the trash. What happened?
That's just my process.
The final product will be glorious.
I'm the perfectionist.
What is that smell?
Oh, right. It's weakness.
Kids, there's no need to get heated.
Everybody just relax.
We're having fun, right?
- Seriously, Cole. Look how fresh they are.
- No, I'm not gonna look.
No, Dad. Please don't.
Oh, my God.
You kids seriously
will have to clean this up.
Hello-y there.
- You must be Abby.
- Yep. I sure am!
I'm Lester. I will be your head sh**t.
Pew pew. Ha!
Whoa!
And this is my sister, Paige.
Fun fact, my nickname for her
was "Bro" until she went to college.
Then, uh, it became "Bruh". Is that right?
I feel like that's...
Okay, she's not smiling.
And you are Lester Posey, correct?
That's your totally real last name?
Abso-smurf-ly. Come on in.
Mm-hmm. Seems real.
Well, a little about me. Unlike my sister,
I'm not a "New York Noobie," 'kay?
I've lived here a long time,
and I know how the world works.
Well, the bathroom is over there.
Why don't you go
toss on your first outfit?
Over there? Really? Okay.
We're just gonna casually
back towards the door.
- Ow!
- Are you okay?
Yeah, I am. Are you okay?
Uh, yeah. I mean,
I... I didn't bump into a doorknob.
That's right. You didn't. I did.
Come on, Abs.
He seems nice.
Hmm. Propecia,
extra-strength Aleve, Q-tips.
Why so many flosses?
I mean, how many teeth can this guy have?
Ah! Sorry. What's with the scrubs?
My first look.
"Doctor who doesn't know she's pretty."
Oh, wow, yeah.
That doctor has no idea how hot she is.
Right? Look, Lester's definitely nervous,
but I get a sweet vibe off him...
- Okey dokey.
- Ah!
Everything's all set out here.
- Pew pew!
- Coming right out!
Paige, can you please just calm down?
Everything is gonna be fine.
- I'm staying in here.
- What, so you can keep snooping around?
- No. I have to pee.
- Oh.
Hi there.
You must be Capshaw. And you
must be Financial. Kidding, kidding.
You're probably both named Neil.
Anyway, I hope you're enjoying my lounge.
I'm sure we can all agree it would be
a perfect fit for your FART party.
And don't worry. She won't be here.
I think she's running
out of random syllables.
Nope. She's got more.
Great. Mm-hmm. Oh, nice.
Hey... Hey, Abby! Uh, you have
a secret admirer. Guess who it is.
- Who?
- The camera!
Uh-huh.
Perfect. Well, uh,
I think we've got enough "business lady
who doesn't know she's pretty" sh*ts.
I'm gonna go change my batts.
That's slang for batteries.
Why don't you go pop on another look?
Pew pew!
Great! This is so fun.
See, Paige?
I told you this was gonna work out fine.
I don't know, Abs. I still feel like
this guy is hiding something.
Argh! Dang it. I keep doing that. Argh!
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, boy.
What is that?
What do you think it is?
It's the kind of thing a lawyer presents
in a plastic bag
as "exhibit A" in a m*rder trial!
And I bet there's a lot more stuff
just like it underneath this sheet.
Paige, no. He's coming back any second.
Sorry. I'm looking.
- Yep. Yep. Let's go.
- Yep.
- Got my batts all... Ah!
- Ah!
- Stage combat!
- Hey... Hey, why are you leaving?
I'll tell you why.
We looked under your sheet here
and found all your little goodies.
- Your table of terror.
- Oh, no. Please, I can explain.
You can keep your hands
where we can see 'em
and explain as we back out of the room.
Where's your other hand?
Oh, okay. It's right there.
Abby, tell me if you see any doorknobs.
Just listen. Please, uh...
Look, my real name's not Lester Posey.
- It's Lester Shaw.
- Vindication!
And you're also
not a headshot photographer?
No. I mean, yes, but I, you know...
But, here, I'll just show you.
Aw! Jurpy puppies and shmoopy kitties.
Wait, why do you have those?
I actually do headshots of animals.
I use this to get the dogs
to look at the camera.
I thought if I told you the truth,
you wouldn't hire me.
I moved to New York to photograph people
but fell into this.
Now, here I am, 20 years later,
and you're my first human client.
That's why you're so nervous?
And cheap. And why I used
my fiancée's last name, Posey.
- Josie's been very supportive.
- Mm-hmm.
And that's why you have no online reviews.
I'm... I'm sorry I lied to you, Abby.
I-I'm just trying to take my swing,
ya know? Baseball.
I-I'm not getting any younger.
I know exactly what you mean.
I am so sorry, Lester.
And, Abby, I'm sorry I didn't think
you could take care of yourself.
It's okay, Bruh.
You were just looking out for me.
I hate to break this up,
but my 4:30 is gonna be here soon
and I really should beef my collar.
- Beef your collar?
- Yeah. New client.
Little bit of ground beef
under your collar is a good icebreaker.
Wait, it's almost 4:30?
My meeting's at five o'clock,
and we're, like, a hundred blocks away!
I can't believe I'm blowing
such a huge opportunity.
Huge opportunity?
Wait, I thought you said
this was just a meeting thingy?
It's not. It's a meeting
with a publisher about writing a book.
What? You've wanted to write a book
since you were ten!
Crud, I over-beefed.
Paige, how could you let this happen?
I think I was trying to distract myself
because it was all
just too much to think about.
- But also, you got a watering can?
- Oh, and I do love it.
But, Bruh, this is your dream!
If you're scared they're gonna say no...
I'm scared they're gonna say yes!
Writing a book will completely
change my life, and I like my life!
What if I have to leave my job and family
for months to go on a book tour?
What if after it's all done,
my kids have grown up and I've missed it?
And what if Cole sprains his little ankle?
He jumps off the couch all the time,
and I hate it!
- Paige, you're spiraling.
- Sorry, sorry.
Listen to me. I'm your sister.
And guess what? I live here now.
So, we're gonna figure this out together.
You guys are welcome to stick around,
but I-I just wanna warn you.
It's getting pretty beefy.
Of course. We'll get going.
Here. I give one to all my new clients.
It's a scarf that reads, "Raise the Woof."
Like the dog sound.
Oh, thank you!
Okay, Paige, come on.
We don't have much time.
I don't know, Abby.
I don't think we're gonna make it.
I may not know where we are,
or where we're going,
or how to get there, but I know this.
We are making this meeting.
It's up to me. Let's go!
How much longer
is she gonna be here?
- Please tell me she's almost done.
- I don't know.
I can't tell if this is all just one song,
or it's several songs, or...
Ugh! I've had enough!
Just go up there
and get her off the mic, Helen.
Mm-hmm.
Excuse me, Devora.
Can you please wrap it up?
Bitsy is asking you to...
Take a bow.
Mmm. So fun.
Looks like we're having a FART party.
We're never gonna make it.
Maybe it's for the best.
Argh, there's too much traffic.
Stop the bus!
That's not how buses work. Also,
we haven't moved in, like, five minutes.
I know what we have to do.
- We're taking the subway!
- Are you sure?
Do you mean, do I feel all...
Yes. But this is important. Come on!
Oh. You can go.
Oh. You can go.
- Oh. Seems like you wanna go too.
- Abby, go.
Okay!
- Now, wait.
- Why is everybody mad?
Free quarter.
Move.
Okay, I think we have to run now.
Like, sprint. Let's go, let's go.
Hi. I'm Paige Hunter.
I'm here for my meeting at five o'clock.
- I'll let them know you're here.
- Great.
That'll give me a chance
to be less sweaty.
They have free coffees.
This place is fancy-schmancy.
Oh, come on!
Wait, Owen gave me this stain stick.
It's in my purse. Oh, wow.
Yeah. I don't think that stain stick
is gonna fix that.
- What am I gonna do?
- I think I have an idea.
Paige Hunter, are you ready?
Yep. Never been more ready.
- And, done!
- Me too!
Okay. Who wants to go first?
- Probably Cole.
- Hmm, maybe Molly should go first.
We'll save the best for last.
If you guys can't decide, I'll just pick.
Uh, Cole, let's see it.
Okay. Here you go. Presenting gum.
Wow, it definitely looks blue. Mmm.
It really sticks to your teeth,
doesn't it?
I can't open my mouth.
Yep. That's just gum being gum.
All right. It's Molly's turn.
Yeah, great. Here we go.
Moll, that looks great!
You wanna bring it over to the table?
We should probably just leave it
right here, exactly where it is.
You know, without touching it
or moving it.
- Let me just pull it out a bit.
- Whoa, wait!
Oh, no!
I'm... I'm so sorry.
It's not your fault.
I b*rned the caramel so many times,
I didn't have anything left
to glue my bouche together.
We can't serve this to Aunt Abby.
I guess we'll just
be giving her Cole's gum.
Are you kidding? This mouth garbage?
We can't give her my gum.
It's too gummy.
What are we gonna do?
We made two desserts
and now we don't even have one.
Yeah. I guess our cousin Fred's gonna
have to be Aunt Abby's new favorite.
He doesn't deserve her.
He smells like soup, and he says "warsh"
instead of "wash".
Hang on. I have an idea.
You guys made a croquembouche!
Actually, it's a croque-gum-bouche.
I made the gum, and we used it
to hold Molly's croquembouche together.
Teamwork. It wasn't a contest,
but if it was, they both would've won.
What? My niece and nephew
are culinary geniuses?
Okay! Can I try it?
Um, sure.
I'd like to make a toast.
To my wife, future author extraordinaire.
I'm so proud of you, honey.
I'm writing a book!
I don't know what it's about,
but I am writing it!
Thank you to my little sister, Abby,
for pushing me across the finish line.
Mmm, I always knew you could do it.
This is good!
- Maybe just chew and don't swallow.
- You should probably spit it out.
- I'll bring over the trash can.
- Too late!
- Look how fresh they are.
- Mmm.
What?
Oh, my God.
03x02 - Paige's Next Chapter
Series revolves around Owen and his family living in Central Park in New York City who must save it from a greedy land developer.