03x11 - Shari Spotter and the Cosmic Crumpets

[bunniefuu]

* We're moving, we're b*ating
hacker at this game! *

* Don't tell that he's trying
to hack the motherboard, *

* We'll get him every time!

* Cosmic worlds,

* Freaky places
that we've seen, *

* We've got the power
of one, two, three, four! *

* Running in a cyberchase,
we'll meet him face to face, *

* We'll stick together
all the time! *

* Adventures in cyberspace,

The chase is on!

* Just wait
and c-y-b-e-r-chase! *

Hacker, delete & buzz:
* boola schoola,
schoola boola! *

* We're from frogsnorts!
No one's cool-a! *

* Magic and sports,
we're the rule-a. *

* Schoola boola,
boola schoola! *

Gee, our own boss
going to frogsnorts!

Who would have thought?

I'm so proud!

I'd be even prouder
if I knew what frogsnorts was?

Hacker:
frogsnorts is the number one
school for sorcerers.

Once I receive my diploma,

I'll be able to attend
the sorcerers ball,

And steal all the magic energy
in cyberspace!

My acceptance letter
should be here any day now.

Uh, it's here!

Oh joy! Oh rapture!

Oh no!
I've been turned down!

Rejected!

It's a mistake.

It must be!

The great hacker rebuffed?!

Dodie:
no mistakes.
Them's the breaks.

But, but surely
I can reapply?

Sorry, joe.
Answer's no.

No?!

You mean, not ever?!

Don't be sore.
That's the score.

Quoth the dodo.
Nevermore!

We'll see about that,
you dim-witted dodo!

Shari:
professor stumblesnore?

I don't quite understand.

You want me to babysit
crumpets?

Babysit?!
No! "Mind."

You, shari spotter,

Are chosen to mind
this year's cosmic crumpets!

Off you go!

But professor,
what are cosmic crumpets?

Never heard
of cosmic crumpets?

Well, I bake them myself,
once a year,

In my secret lair.

Recipe must be followed
precisely!

Each year, master sorcerers
renew their powers

At the cosmic crumpet
ceremony.

A master sorcerer's
extraordinary power lasts

But one year.

The eight identical crumpets

Ensure that each of the eight
master sorcerers

Receives an equal amount
of power.

Tonight's the night!

I've much to do.

And you must get to my lair
and mind those crumpets!

Whatever you do,
shari spotter,

Do not let those
crumpets burn!

Hacker:
a great villain like me
spurned!

Rejected!

(Sobbing)
schoola boola, boola...

Wait!

I'll get a degree from another
school of sorcerers!

And with a diploma,

I can still get into
the cosmic crumpet ceremony,

And steal the magic power!

(Evil laugh)

Ah, yes! "Hex university."

"Master course in magic."

Perfect!

Wonder who's teaching it?

(Doorbell)

Congrats, hackie!
You're enrolled!

Hacker:
wicked?

You're looking at the head
professor of hex university.

Or as we like to call it:
voodoo u.

You're the teacher?!

No, this won't do!
I need a real teacher.

Not a washed-up witch!

Washed up?!

Give me one day,

I guarantee you'll be accepted

Into the cosmic crumpet
ceremony!

Guaranteed?

On one condition.

You get into the ceremony,

I get an engagement ring!

That's blackmail!

No ringie, no crumpet!

Fine!

You've one day to make me
a master sorcerer!

C'mon, clock's ticking!

Lesson one.

Wicked's in charge!

Shari:
I am so bored
minding these crumpets!

I know it's an honor,

But I wish someone
had asked if i-

(Sniffs) dodie?
Smell that?

I'd swear something was...

(Gasps)

Both:
burning!

(Coughing)

Shari:
the cosmic crumpets!

Ruined!

I'll be expelled!

But all my life I dreamed
of being at frogsnorts

Like my mom.

Wait!
She'd never give up.

And neither will i!

I'll bake another batch!

Dodie:
that's the spirit!
Good for you!

Make more crumpets,
fresh and new!

But how?
I don't have the recipe.

I can't ask stumblesnore

Or he'll know
I burnt the first batch.

Of course! I can look up
the recipe at the cybrary!

Delete:
but we don't wanna
be guinea pigs!

Wicked:
it's hackie's first exam.

He has to learn to cast
a spell properly!

Hacker:
okay,

Sorcery degree,
you're mine!

But, but,
be careful, boss.

Delete:
yeah.

Hokum pokum.

Wicked:
ah, no, no, no, no!

Hold the wand this way!

Please!
I'm a genius.

I can cast
a simple spell!

(Chanting)
hokum pokum,

Watch me change 'em!

Piggly wiggly,
rearrange-em!

(Squeaky voice)
so, how'd I do?
Huh, huh?

I think we need a review.

Matt:
gotta get this dvd back
to ms. Fileshare

Or I'll have to pay
a fine.

Matt and shari:
ow!

Hey!
What's the big idea?!

Hey, yourself!
If you weren't...

Oh, sorry.
You okay?

Okay? (Sniffles)

My life is over.

Is that okay?!

(Sniffling)
i, I burnt some
very important crumpets.

So. That could happen
to anyone!

Hanky?

Thanks.

I'm matt,
by the way.

Shari,
shari spotter.

I go to frogsnorts,

A special school
for sorcerers.

Cool!

Look, I don't have time
to chat.

I need to bake another batch
of crumpets

Or I'm in big,
big trouble!

Can I help?

Sure.

Here's the recipe.

Matt:(reading)
two cacklefruit,

/ Cup goblin toe nails,

/ 'S cup
of dragon drool.

Yuck!

What kind of crumpets
are these?

Magic crumpets.

Unfortunately, this recipe
is for four crumpets

And I need eight!

No problem.
Just make a double batch.

Look, the recipe calls
for two cacklefruit, right?

Two plus two is four.

So you need four cacklefruit
instead of two.

Yes, I know.

And the / cup of goblin
toe nails doubled is...

Matt:
/ + / is / 's.

That's what I thought.

But what happens
when you double

/ 'S of a cup
of dragon drool, huh?

Matt:
/ 's and / 's is / 's.

Whoa!

That's my problem.

How can you have a fraction

That's bigger on the top
than it is on the bottom?

I don't get it.

You think maybe
it's a mistake?

Matthew, you can't have
mistakes in magic.

It's dangerous!

Oh my, I have to get back
to frogsnorts

Before anyone notices
I'm missing!

I'm done for!

Wait!
We can figure this out.

You mean, you'll come help me
with the recipe?

(Uneasily)
well, sure.

But can my friends
inez and jackie come, too?

They'd k*ll me if I went
to frogsnorts without them.

And I'm sure they'd
really like to meet you.

Inez? Jackie?

Your girlfriends?

No! I mean,

Yes, they're girls
and they're my friends,

But not my girlfriends.

Inez & jackie:
eww and double eww!

Who could possibly eat
this stuff?

Matt:
guys, you don't really eat it.

It gives the master sorcerers
their power.

And unless we make
eight new crumpets

From this concoction fast,

The masters will
be powerless,

And I'll be expelled
from frogsnorts!

But this recipe is for
four crumpets not eight!

Dodie:
don't be troubled.

Each ingredient
just gets doubled.

Digit:
auck!

Two cacklefruit
plus two cacklefruit

Is four caclkefruit.

Yikes!

I got 'em.

Oh, isn't matthew
just super?

Matthew?

Matthew's been
such a help.

You're so lucky
to have him as a friend!

I'm so glad we met,
too.

Promise to show me
how you do your hair?

Oh. Okay.

Super!

Okay, so maybe
she's not so bad.

Okay.
The next ingredient

Is / cup goblin's
toe nails.

Matt
/ plus / equals / 's!

Digit:
/ 's cup of goblin's
toe nails, comin' at you!

Last ingredient:
/ 's cup of dragon drool.

And / 'sdoubled is...

/ 'S. Yikes!

What kind of fraction
is that?

The number on top is larger
than the number on the bottom!

That's my problem.

That fraction
is top heavy!

How can a fraction
look like that?!

I don't know,

But I can tell you what
/ 's of a cup of dragon drool
looks like.

It's just three / cups.

Like this.

Inez:
so, / 's must be six
/ cups!

Digit, give me six / cups
of dragon drool!

Wish I could help you,
but there is no dragon drool!

Jackie:
I've never collected
dragon drool before.

Shari:
it's really quite simple.

You sure about this, shari?

Absolutely!

I've done it
a number of times.

No, I mean...
Sure about him!

Shari:
danforth?

He's a baby.

Barely wakes up once a week!

(Whispering)
what if today's the day?

Jax, use your / cup
measure and-

And get next to that
dragon's mouth six times?

I don't think so!

Okay, okay.
Let's try another way.

Here are six / cups.

/ , / 'S, / 's, / 's.

Wait!

Isn't / 's the same
as one whole cup?

Matt:
/ cups is one whole cup
with two / cups left over.

Digit, you're a genius!

Inez:
so, / cups is the same
as one whole cup

And two / cups!

Too bad we don't have
a full one cup measure

To go along with this
/ measure.

Then we'd only have to get
near danforth three times!

It's your lucky day, earthlies!

A one cup measure!

Here's the first time!

One whole cup of dragon drool!

You're up, jax.

Oh, man.

Eww! Eww!

And double ew!

There. Yech!
/ Cup more!

I'll get the last / !

Matt:
cool!

One whole cup from didge,

Plus / cup from jax,

Plus / cup from inez,

Equals / 's!

We did it!

Oh, matthew,
you're so brilliant.

Oh, brother!

Jackie:
(gasps) uh-oh.

(Snorts)

Look who woke up!

Actually, it's not danforth
we need to worry about.

It's his mom!

Run!

Hacker:(heavy sigh)
toil and trouble,
eggs and ham,

Cauldron bubble,
a sorcerer I am.

Wicked:
no, no, no.

Come on, hackie.

Enunciate.
Give it some oomph.

Toil and trouble,
eggs and ham,

Cauldron bubble,
a sorcerer I am!

(Splat)

By george,
I think he's got it!

Time for your written exam!

Dodie:
the sorcerers are waitin',
the crumpets are cookin'

Digit:
the timer is clickin',

Hey, no fair lookin'!

Good one, didge!

Inez:
just don't let those
crumpets burn, okay?

Hey! I just figured out
something really cool

About top heavy fractions!

I'm recording what we did

So I won't make a mistake
next time,

And I found out you can write
them two different ways!

/ 'S and and / 's

Are different ways
to show the very same amount.

(Oven timer rings)

Eight cosmic crumpets.

Well, how did I do?

Failure?!

The great hacker failed?!

Out of a hundred,
you got six.

Impossible!

What about extra credit
for attendance?

I added that.

Otherwise your grade
would be two.

But I have to pass!

I can't get into the ceremony
without a diploma!

Unfortunately, I cannot
betray the code of magic.

Not even for the man
I love.

But, I'll make you my queen!

Wicked:
okay, hackie honey,
you win!

Wicked:
congratulations to our newest
master sorcerer

And the future groom
to the gal with the broom!

Stumblesnore:
ahh, excellent, spotter.

Much nicer than the batch
I mixed up this morning!

Shari:
you knew I burnt
the first batch?

Oh, expected you would.

Burnt quite a few in my day.

No harm,
you did admirably!

Now, how would you all
like to attend

The cosmic crumpet ceremony?

But I thought only sorcerers
in training were invited!

Hmm. True.

Wing wham alleh kah zite,

Be honorary sorcerers
just for tonight!

Hey, do we get
magic wands, too?

I always wanted a magic wand.

Don't push it.

Hacker:
we need to get rid
of sorcerer abernathy,

So I can take his place!

Wicked:
leave it to me.

Abernathy? Is that you?

I haven't seen you since
the last convention!

You don't call,
you don't write.

Abernathy:
uh. Sorry?

I don't believe we've-

Don't tell me
you've forgotten?

The sorcerer's soiree
in pensacola?

Dancing la macarena
'til dawn?

(Uncertain)
of course. Nice to see you.

Abernathy:
whoa!

Ergo fergo fi,

Turnum into firefly!

All right, big e.

It's showtime!

Matt:
what's stumblesnore
checking for?

It's part of the ceremony.

Each sorcerer must prove
he's a master of magic,

With a degree
in the mystic arts!

(Puzzled) abernathy?
Do my eyes deceive me?

You seem... Different!

Your eyes are fine.

Abernathy couldn't find a
kennel for his three-headed dog,

So he couldn't make it.

He asked me to come instead.

But only certified
sorcerers may-

Read it and weep!

Hmm. Yes.

This is indeed
a bona fide degree.

You may take your place
with the other master
sorcerers.

Buzz:
it won't be long now, deedee.

Get ready to lower
the mirror!

Stumblesnore:
uncover your heads,
join hands within!

Let the ceremony begin!

Kids & digit:
hacker!

We gotta stop the ceremony!

We can't!

No one's allowed to speak
once the ceremony begins!

Stumblesnore:
power of the crumpets
must be shared

Or for chaos be prepared!

Magic forces heed my word,

Let this year's powers
be conferred!

Buzz:
lower the mirror, deedee.

What's that up there?

Delete:
now, buzzy!

Point the reflectors
at the boss.

Matt:
oh, no!

Hacker's sucking up
all the power!

Hacker:
yee-haww!

(Evil laughter)

Time flies,
tick tock.

Hello carrot,
goodbye clock!

(Evil laughter)

Professor?

Professor,
we have to stop hacker

Or he'll destroy frogsnorts.

Please tell us how!

Power of the crumpets
must be shared

Or for chaos be prepared!

We know that part!
Chaos is already here!

United, the power
is greater than one!

Jackie:
but hacker's got all the power!

Matt:
not all of it.

There's still some
cosmic crumpet pieces left!

I wonder...

What would happen

If we divide
what's left of the crumpets

Among the seven sorcerers?

Shari:
professor, would that make the
sorcerers stronger than hacker?

Only if division
is equally done,

Then united that power
is greater than one!

We have a chance!

We've got to divide
the unburned pieces equally

Among the seven sorcerers!

Wicked:
oh, would you look
at my hackie?

So powerful! So masterful!

So...why is he looking
at us like that?!

Buzz, delete,
you're much too lazy.

Better off, being a daisy!

(Gasps)
my hackie-poo
is out of control!

Stop with the spells, honey.

It's me,
your beloved wicked!

A hank of hair,
a single bone.

For the last time,
I work alone!

Has anyone seen my broom?

Matt:
let's see what we've
got to work with.

That big piece
looks like a whole crumpet

With / missing,

Which makes it / 's
of a crumpet.

And each of those
other pieces

Is one /
of a crumpet.

And two halves
make a whole.

So we've got one
and / 's crumpets!

To share equally seven ways!

How are we going to do that?

I've got it!

Remember how I found out
you can write fractions

Two different ways?

Well, let's turn
one and / 's

Into a top-heavy fraction.

Let's try it!

Okay, the one is just
the same as / 's.

Matt:
and / 's plus / 's
is / 's!

Inez:
that's seven pieces
for seven sorcerers.

They each get a / piece.

And here they are.

One... Two...

Three... Four...

Five... Six... Seven!

Quick!
Get 'em in a circle!

Jackie:
this better work!

I'm too weak, shari.

You say it.

Me?

Here comes hacker!

Hurry, shari!

Okay, okay, I'll try.

Magic forces,
heed my word.

Let this year's powers,
be conferred!

Hacker:
at last,
the time is here...

Kids and digit, disape-

(Squeaky-voiced)
ahh! Wicked? Dear?

I could use some
of your magic right now.

Oh, sweetheart?

Darling? Where are you,
puddin'?

Oh! Thank-you!

Did I miss something?

Matthew,
you were so brilliant!

(Embarrassed)
well, actually,
it wasn't just me.

We all figured it out
together.

Right, guys?

Yep.

We're a team!

Digit:
the cybersquad!

Matt:
you too, shari.

Well, on behalf of all of us
here at frogsnorts...

Thank you.

Don't be shy, matt.
Don't be sore.

You're a cutie,
to the core!

All:
(laughing)