03x07 - A Mathematically Perfect Redemption

[bunniefuu]

Previously on
STAR TREK: Lower Decks...

♪ ♪

RUTHERFORD: Ooh, I got it.
One illegal virus,

but someone has to take it to the ship.

MARINER: But who's small enough
to go undetected?

BOIMLER: Yeah, and who could
survive in space without a ship?

TENDI: Someone who can travel
with the program safely stored

in her hard drive... [GASPS]

ALL:
Peanut Hamper!

TENDI: You can load the code
into their ship

using your robotic abilities.

Oh, my gosh, Peanut Hamper,

you're gonna save the day!

PEANUT HAMPER:
Eh, I'm gonna pass.

I-I'm sorry. What?

PEANUT HAMPER: All that stuff
sounded way too scary.

What about the needs of the many?

I joined Starfleet to piss off my dad,

not to be a virus b*mb.

Peanut Hamper, this is not cool!

- We're all going to die!
- Peanut Hamper,

there are so many lives at stake!

PEANUT HAMPER: You know what,
I'm just going to beam myself

out of this whole sitch.

Sucks to be organic.

Enjoy having all your guts
flying out or whatever!

You know what? Peanut Hamper
is a stupid name!

[PEANUT HAMPER HUMMING TUNE]

Whoa! They wanted me to do that?

- Yeah, uh, no thanks.
- [INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

The big guy d*ed!

Wow.
Made the right choice, obvi.

Ha!
I knew it!

Now they're all going to die.

[SCREAMS]

The Titan?

Now that's a crew
that'll respect a robot.

Hey, hey!
Over here!

Help!

Help?

Well, someone'll be by
to save me soon enough.

Unless they forget to scan
for nonorganic life,

but that'll never happen.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[MOCKINGLY]:
"Be a hero, Peanut Hamper."

"The needs of many,
Peanut Hamper."

k*ll yourself for a bunch of randos

you met three hours ago, Peanut Hamper!

It was my first day.

They expect me to
sacrifice myself on day one?

No way!
Ugh!

I hate Starfleet.

What about the needs of the me?

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

I'm sorry, Sophia.

You're right. I hate
when I get like this, too.

What I wouldn't give
for your level head.

What we need to focus on is
getting this nacelle working

so we can get the hell
out of Junksville.

I scraped up enough dilithium

to juice it to warp factor . ,

maybe . if we're lucky.

[SCOFFS] Don't give me that look.

Of course I could send
a distress call to Starfleet.

But those bipedal bastards would
just lock me up for going AWOL.

They're so uptight about
being betrayed.

- [CRACKLING]
- Oh, my God.

Holy [BLEEP]!
I did it! It works!

We make a pretty good team,
don't we, Soph?

I hope you know that
whatever happens out there,

you've got a friend for life.

- [ALERT CHIRPS]
- [GASPS]

[SCREAMS]
Drookmani scavengers!

[WHIMPERS, SHOUTS]

Sorry, Soph. [GRUNTS]

Only room for one.

Okay, here we go.

I don't know if this
thing can even hit warp...

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING CONTINUES, FADES]

- [ALERT BEEPING]
- [ELECTRICAL WHIRRING]

- PEANUT HAMPER:
- [SIGHS] Sophia, no.

Wh-Wha...?

Rettan?

What the... Where the frick am I?

Ah! The spacebox has awoken!

- [SCREAMS]
- [GASPS]

Now, now, no need to pretend.

I know you are awake.

You've been rebuilding
your power for days.

Your metal body is fascinating.

PEANUT HAMPER: Wow, stare much?
I don't know you, sir.

You're being very creepy.

I am Kaltorus of Areore.

The moment I witnessed
your descent from the heavens,

I knew our ancestors

had brought you to my land,
for a reason.

Destiny.

Whoa!
Hey.

Please.
Please don't dismantle me.

I'll tell you anything you want
to know about Starfleet.

I will give you all their codes.
I'll...

Ooh.

- Here we go. Yes.
- Oh, yeah. Right there.

I will not rest
until you are fully restored.

Wait, so I'm not a prisoner?

Okay, sure, just keep doing
whatever you were doing

and get to the left side, too.

Mm, yes.

♪ ♪

Everyone has been wondering
who my secret guest is.

It is time to get them
used to a stranger.

- Morning, Skaf.
- [GROANS]

PEANUT HAMPER:
Call it android intuition,

but I'm kind of sensing
that everyone here hates me.

Fear, not hate.

They've never met a visitor
from off-world,

much less one that's made of metal.

- Wait, you're not in the Federation?
- The what now?

So no ships come here, like, ever?

You are the first visitor
in my lifetime.

Oh, [BLEEP].

I beg of your pardon?

Yeah, it's just something
we space folks say,

when we're stranded on a
backwater planet with no culture.

Oh, yes. [BLEEP] indeed.

PEANUT HAMPER:
Oh, wow. A dirty stick.

That's special. Thanks so much.

What, am I supposed to
give you candy or something?

- Here.
- [WHIRS]

[ALL GASP]

- [MURMURING]
- My God.

It's just a replicator.
Relax.

That spacebox is what the
ancient ones warned us about.

I say we cut her open,

and release the
tiny witch that runs it!

[SCREECHES]

Peanut Hamper is a living being,

and like any other life-form,

she deserves our respect.

PEANUT HAMPER:
Yeah!

Can a machine ever
really be alive, Father?

This is my son Rawda.

While you are here,

he will show you our ways,
and be your guide.

Father, I...

I am next to be the village leader.

I can't be seen fraternizing
with this mechanical creature.

And so you question the judgment

of the present village leader?

[GRUNTS]
Of course not, Father.

As your will, it shall be done.

PEANUT HAMPER: Getting some
major village bad boy vibes

from Raw-dog, am I right?

His name is Rawda,

and you know nothing of him.

PEANUT HAMPER:
Keep it in your pants, sister.

I'm not trying to steal your bird man.

They just need time.
Let us continue.

I want to show off our well.

PEANUT HAMPER:
Wow, a well. Cool.

PEANUT HAMPER:
Personal log.

I'm stranded with a bunch
of hillbilly birds,

on a planet that's never
even been first-contacted.

I could still put out a distress call,

if I wanted Starfleet Security

to toss me in a penal colony,

which isn't the worst option,

because there's nothing going on here.

Ugh, how can you live in such filth?

PEANUT HAMPER:
Well, good morning to you, too.

Come, we must begin the day's work.

[ANIMALS BLEATING, CLUCKING]

PEANUT HAMPER: So does,
like, every animal

on this planet have wings?

Of course they do.

PEANUT HAMPER:
"Of course they do."

That's not the "yoozh"
in this quadrant, FYI.

Not that you'd know anything
about anything.

[GRUMBLES]

[CHIRPING]

[RAWDA GRUNTS]

PEANUT HAMPER:
Straw?

You guys haven't
even invented tile yet?

This is the way it has always been.

PEANUT HAMPER:
Well, the next time it rains,

it's just gonna collapse
like it always has.

[SHOUTS]

Watch where you put those claws.

[SHUSHES]
Sky Snake.

[CREATURE GROWLING]

PEANUT HAMPER: I'm sorry, "Sky Snake"?

That's ridiculous.

If everything here flies,
then why call it a Sky Snake?

Wouldn't that just be a snake?

Come.
More tasks await.

PEANUT HAMPER: You know,
my universal translator

can't make your language smart.

[BLEATS]

Ha! See?
With a little techno-help,

I've got twice as much milk
blasted out of this thing.

- [BLEATS]
- No! Wait! No!

Stop! A little help here?

- Stop! Hey!
- [SIGHS] Ugh!

- Stop! Stop it!
- FEMALE: Rawda! Rawda!

Stop it! Aah, aah! Stop!

It's your father.

He was bitten by a Sky Snake.

- Father.
- [GRUNTS]

It is the Great Circle.

He takes my life with his venom,

and I, his, with my spear.

Nothing... [COUGHS] to be done.

PEANUT HAMPER: All right,
you're being a big baby.

No one has ever survived
a Sky Snake att*ck.

Death will be swift.

- And when...
- Boop! Antivenom.

- [EXCLAIMS] Ah.
- [ALL GASP]

[GASPS]
Father.

- How did you...
- PEANUT HAMPER: Yeah, yeah, calm down.

It's called science,

which you could have,
if you didn't put up with

straw and parasite water.

RAWDA: Father, how do you feel?

I feel wonderful.

PEANUT HAMPER: I also
administered a little vitamin pack.

You were low in, well, everything.

I told you, she was
brought here for a reason.

- CHILD: Ooh, me, me!
- [OVERLAPPING CHATTER]

PEANUT HAMPER:
Ew, ew, sticky bird feathers.

Don't touch me.

ALL [CHANTING]: We love
Hamper! We love Hamper!

PEANUT HAMPER: Oh,
now you know my name.

Okay, okay, hold still.

- I said hold still, damn it!
- [GASPING]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

♪ ♪

- [GASPS]
- [PEANUT HAMPER HUMMING]

- Hey, Peanut Hamper!
- PEANUT HAMPER: Oh, hello.

Good to see you, too.

- Hey, Peanut Hamper.
- Top of the morning to you.

My ingrowns are healed, Peanut Hamper.

- I can paint again.
- Nice!

PEANUT HAMPER: Hey, Doyle, did
those stomach worms clear out?

Oh, yes. My fecal matter
is back to being oily and white.

PEANUT HAMPER: Great.
But also, gross.

This is the incubation hut.

It saddens me.

The hatching process
is a difficult journey.

Many of the chicks
won't be strong enough

to make it to the end.

That is the way of things.

Watch and learn.

All hatchlings?

Peanut Hamper, you are incredible.

[PEANUT HAMPER GRUNTING, LAUGHS]

PEANUT HAMPER [CHUCKLING]:
Okay. Okay, now.

Peanut, come with me.

I want to take you somewhere.

PEANUT HAMPER:
You know, for a backwards planet

in the middle of nowhere,

it really is beautiful.

Yes, it is.

Oh, Peanut Hamper,

I can't help but be full of song

- when I'm with you.
- Oh, Rawda,

sing for me!

[CAWING LOUDLY]

- Oh! You scared the living
- [BLEEP] out of me.

Never do that again.

- [RAWDA SCREECHES]
- [SCREAMS]

PEANUT HAMPER:
Oh, you're still going, huh?

It's peaceful up here.

RAWDA: [SIGHS] It's my
favorite place to hide.

PEANUT HAMPER: Hide?

What would you ever need to hide from?

My father, for one.

He's great, but when you're
the son of someone perfect,

they expect you to be perfect, too.

PEANUT HAMPER:
I think you're pretty perfect.

But-but I know how you feel.

Growing up, all my dad wanted me to do

was stay with him
and the other exocomps.

I had plans to get away to Freecloud,

become a Dabo girl, never settle down.

I ended up in Starfleet,
but I messed that up.

But now I can imagine
a life in one place.

Here.
With you.

You're welcome to stay.

You've made everyone's lives
so much better.

Although, there is one person
you haven't treated yet.

PEANUT HAMPER: I guess we
should start with a physical.

Ugh, how I long for the touch
of your nozzle.

[HIGH-PITCHED SQUAWK]

But our pieces are so different.

PEANUT HAMPER:
Yours are complicated.

But how will we...

We're just gonna have to wing it.

[SCREECHING]

RAWDA: I never thought
I could feel this alive

- with a... a...
- Machine?

Yes. A beautiful,
glorious machine.

I feel as I've been lied to
my whole life about your kind.

Come.
There is something I must show you.

♪ ♪

It is where we house
the relics of our ancestors.

In the distant past, the Areore
were a spacefaring species.

PEANUT HAMPER: I'm sorry, what?

Wait, like,
you guys have had technology

this entire time?

No, but our ancestors did.

It only brought them misery,

in the form of endless wars,

with alien species.

Behold, the flying ships
of yore were formidable.

They could travel great distances

by making the stars
fold upon themselves.

PEANUT HAMPER: Uh-huh.
That's called warp.

Ooh, I guess I haven't been breaking

the Prime Directive this whole time.

RAWDA: The ancients
wanted to return to the paradise

they had known before folding the sky.

They forbid any technology,

but I know, in my heart,

that they were wrong,

because, you are good.

PEANUT HAMPER: No,
that's just it, though.

I'm not good.

Our village has been blessed
by your presence.

PEANUT HAMPER: My
Starfleet medical training

improved their lives, okay?

Not me.

Starfleet was like my home, my tree.

Or it used to be.

The reason I ended up on this planet

is because I abandoned my crewmates.

I was more interested in saving
myself than in helping them.

But now I see that organic life

is special because it's fragile,

not in spite of it.

I just wish I could go back
and do the right thing,

but Starfleet would never forgive me.

RAWDA: That doesn't mean
you can't forgive yourself.

PEANUT HAMPER: I can never
forget what I've done.

Then I have no choice, but to,

make you forget.

[SCREECHING]

[INSECTS CHIRPING]

♪ ♪

- [BELL TOLLS]
- Friends,

family, feathered acquaintances,

we have roosted here today,

to honor, and observe, the wing-joining

of Rawda and Peanut Hamper.

Peanut Hamper, when I first
met you, I was afraid.

Not only because you were
the literal embodiment

of everything I was taught to fear,
but,

also, because you were full of life.

Now more than ever,
I want to share my life...

- Sky Snakes! Run!
- [SCREAMING]

That's no Sky Snake. That's...

PEANUT HAMPER:
Drookmani scavengers!

They were the ones
who were trying to take me

from that debris field.

- They must have tracked me here.
- Just stay calm, my love.

PEANUT HAMPER: This is all my fault.

Don't let them take me!

♪ ♪

Our scans show that valuable material

lays beneath your village.

We will extract them
and leave in peace.

He means the ships of our ancestors.

Removing those ships,

would destroy the trees,

on which we've built our home.

It's trash.

You have no use for it,
so we claim salvage.

[SCREECHES]

The primitives resist.

Little ones, come on!

[SIGHS]

This is what the ancients feared.

We have brought ruin to our loved ones

- and there is nothing we can do!
- [CRYING]

PEANUT HAMPER:
That's where you're wrong.

- I can do something.
- Peanut!

[ALERT BEEPING]

Uh, Captain,
we're receiving a distress call from

Peanut Hamper?

It looks like she's transmitting
from a planet called Areolus?

Areo... Areol...

It's a pre-warp civilization.

So now she's in distress and
breaking the Prime Directive.

Mr. Boimler, set a course
for Areolus, maximum warp.

I'd like to have a little chat
with our wayward ensign.

[BOTH SHOUT]

KALTORUS: No! No!

PEANUT HAMPER: Hopefully someone
got my distress call,

but it's a long sh*t.

We don't have much time!

They're tearing the very ground apart.

Soon, there will be
no home left to save.

PEANUT HAMPER: Someone
has to get on that Drookmani ship,

and disable it.

But who could go undetected?

While avoiding alien warriors?

PEANUT HAMPER: Long
enough to disarm them,

using robotic abilities?

Guys, it's me!

I'm the one who can do it.

No, Peanut, it's too dangerous.

PEANUT HAMPER: The
needs of the many outweigh

the needs of the few, baby.

But you aren't even a few,
you're just one.

PEANUT HAMPER: No.
I'm Starfleet.

MARINER:
Whoa, the Drookmani?

What are they doing here?

RANSOM: Oh, no,
they're attacking that village.

Shaxs, target phasers.

- We have to disable...
- Wait, Captain, look!

BOIMLER: Captain, I'm reading
one passenger on the shuttle.

- It's an exocomp.
- [GASPS]

Peanut Hamper is saving the day?

PEANUT HAMPER: [CHUCKLES]
Here goes everything.

[BOTH GRUNT]

[GRUNTS]

Uh, the engines are overloading.

What the [BLEEP] is going on?

No!

No!
Peanut Hamper!

No!

[CRYING]

Wait.
Look!

Peanut, you did it.
You saved us all.

PEANUT HAMPER: Pretty good
for a spacebox, huh?

- [LAUGHS]
- [CHEERING]

KALTORUS:
You did it! Ha, ha!

[SCATTERED GASPING]

Greetings.

I am Captain Carol
Freeman of the starship Cerritos.

Usually, we're more careful
with first contact...

It's all right.
We all know about Starfleet.

Yes, well, you aren't supposed to.

Our Prime Directive
is to not interfere with...

Without this brave robot's
interference,

I would be dead.

We would all be dead.

Peanut Hamper is one of us.

You will not be taking her
to a penal colony.

Oh, slow down, okay?
No one is in trouble.

We witnessed Peanut Hamper's
selfless act.

Yeah, don't worry.
We're not here to arrest her,

- we're here to thank her.
- PEANUT HAMPER: No.

The ones who really
deserve the thanks are the Areore.

Before I met these beautiful birds,

I was selfish and thought nothing

of abandoning my post to save myself.

But now I understand
love and sacrifice.

I-I feel a call to duty and I...

I need to rededicate my life
to Starfleet.

- But Peanut...
- Rawda, they are my flock.

I must return to them,

if they'll have me.

Well,
we'll have to write quite the report,

to explain it all to Command,

but,
I think we can give you another chance.

Captain, is there any room for
a loving husband on your ship?

PEANUT HAMPER: Oh, no.
No, no, no, no.

I could never ask you
to leave this paradise.

Peanut, with you,

anywhere is paradise.

RANSOM:
Captain, we have a situation.

The Drookmani have transported
onto the Areore ship.

PEANUT HAMPER: What?
No!

- Is it even operational?
- Affirmative.

And it's got weapons systems

like nothing we've ever seen before.

You better get out of there!

[CACKLING, SHOUTS]

Hail that ship.

Hold your fire.

You are in violation
of Federation standa...

We were tricked with Starfleet lies,

- and now you'll all pay.
- What lies?

Put this through to the captain.

DROOKMANI CAPTAIN: We received
a subspace communication,

an invitation that said these ships

were scraps of junk for the taking.

And we would be met with no resistance,

- if we hauled them away.
- He's lying.

It came from a prissy little robot.

- Peanut Butter.
- [GASPING]

PEANUT HAMPER: What?
That's crazy.

Uh, this guy is so full of it.

Obviously, we recorded it.

PEANUT HAMPER [RECORDED]: Anyway,
those are the coordinates.

The ships are all underground.

Feel free to come on over and
take whatever you want.

Everyone here is a tree-kissing farmer.

There won't be any pushback.

PEANUT HAMPER:
Oh. [SCOFFS] What?

That doesn't even sound like me.

My love, is this true?

PEANUT HAMPER:
Ugh, okay, fine.

I called the Drookmani here.

But it was for a good cause.

You guys didn't want these ships,

and I needed a way to show Starfleet,

that I'm a hero,
so, they would take me back.

How was I supposed to know
these old ships still worked?

I mean, they were built by organics.

People who make things out of straw.

- Yeah, what are the odds?
- But-but Peanut...

PEANUT HAMPER: Oh, my God,

just shut the [BLEEP] up, Rawda.

Grow a [BLEEP] beak.

I wasn't going to spend
the rest of my very long,

robotic life on a frickin' bird planet.

[CRYING]
How could you?

PEANUT HAMPER: Oh, boy,
here comes the waterworks.

This guy cries at everything.

He even cries after we do it.

TENDI:
Wait, Peanut Hamper.

You still have a chance to be a hero.

Someone has to get onto
that ship, and I think it's...

PEANUT HAMPER: I see where
this is going, and no, thanks.

Get back here right now, Ensign.

- That's an order!
- PEANUT HAMPER: Smell you later.

Oh, yeah, and I mean that literally,

'cause y'all [BLEEP] everywhere.

[ALL GASPING]

♪ ♪

Billups, how are they getting
through our shields?

I don't know, I'm trying
to match signatures,

but, the shields are at %,
and falling.

Everyone, flap this way.

Watch out! [GRUNTS]

[GROANING]

Ancestors, why have you forsaken us?

Kaltorus, look!

They've heard your prayers.

TENDI: Wait, is that Peanut Hamper?

For the flock!

[ALARM SOUNDING]

[SCREAMS]

[SCREECHES]

Emergency transport!

[SCREAMING]

[CHEERING]

The Areore must protect
their way of life.

We can live how we desire.

Henceforth, we turn our backs

- on fear.
- [CHEERING]

You are ready to lead, my son.

PEANUT HAMPER:
We did it!

Organics and technology
working together.

This is what I was trying
to teach you all along.

You are no longer welcome on Areolus.

Get out of here.

PEANUT HAMPER: Oh, whatever.
I didn't want to stay here anyway.

You're like the poor man's Aurelians.

Come on, Captain,

let's beam out of this [BLEEP]hole.

[SCOFFS]
There is no way in hell

you're coming back on my ship, missy.

PEANUT HAMPER:
You're all just jealous

of my advanced intelligence.

You know who I should've called?
The Borg.

Oh, yeah.
The Borg would love me.

I'm gonna do it right now, in fact.

You're all going to get assimilated.

See how you like being
organic then. Huh? Huh?

Stop that.
Don't touch me.

Resistance is futile!
Resistance is futi...

[GROANS]

You think this is bad?

A room full of awesome robots?
I love it here.

Not an organic to be found.

ROBOT:
I am .

Would you like to play
Guess What I'm Thinking?

- PEANUT HAMPER: No. Shut up.
- ROBOT: I'm thinking of a battery...

Oops. I did not wait
for you to guess.

[PEANUT HAMPER GROANS]

AGIMUS: Peanut Hamper, is it?

[LAUGHS]:
Ooh.

I must say, that's
a mathematically perfect name.

PEANUT HAMPER: Thanks.
Who the hell are you?

AGIMUS:
I am AGIMUS,

and I think you and I

could do awful things together.

[BOTH CACKLING]

[ALL CACKLING]

PEANUT HAMPER: No! Stop it!

You stop laughing with us.

Nobody invited you guys.

Stop!

[MAN IMITATES WEAPONS f*ring]

Chirp.