06x07 - Present Danger/Stressed for the Part

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Loud House". Aired: May 2, 2016 - present.*
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Series revolves around the chaotic everyday life of a boy named Lincoln Loud, who is the middle child and only son in a large family of 11 children.
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06x07 - Present Danger/Stressed for the Part

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom
on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪

♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do
what he can to survive ♪

♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

♪ Duck, dodge, push,
and shove ♪

♪ That's how we show
our love ♪

♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

♪ One boy and ten girls ♪

♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪

♪ Loud, Loud, Loud ♪

♪ Loud house ♪

Poo-poo.

[upbeat orchestral music]

♪ ♪

We now return to a special
episode of "The Dream Boat."

Brynn finally reveals
who's won her heart...

[parrot squawks]

[television ringing]

O-M-Gosh.

Brynn chose Gramps.

I did not see that coming.

No, Leni,
I rigged the television

so our calls are routed
through it.

That way none of us
would have to leave the room

and miss out on all of this
seafaring dishiness.

Hello?
Is this thingy on?

I-I just see me.

Oop, there you are.

Ahoy, my little minnows.

Hey, Gramps, what's up?

Well, kiddos, I'm in a bind.

I got a new batch of campers
coming in a week,

and my counselors just bailed
on me during training.

I'm as stuck as a boat
at low tide.

Why, without counselors,

I'll have to close down Mastodon

and return to life at sea.

[all gasp]
- Wait, what?

Aw, breaks my heart.

I love this ding-dang camp,

all the summers your dad
and I spent here together.

[sighs]

So if you know any counselors,
just let me know.

Gramps, over and out.

How do you...
Where do I... oh, no!

[dial tone droning]

Gramps leaving?

Major foul.
I don't want him to go.

None of us do, dudette.

We just got him back.

We have to find
some counselors for Gramps.

I'll see if any of my
undertaker friends

are looking
to pick up extra cash.

Wait.

We can be Gramps' counselors.

Then the camp will stay open,
and he won't go.

Who's with me?

All: Yeah!

Camp Mastodon, here we come.

Um, guys?

Yeah, gonna need five minutes.

We have to see who Brynn picked.

[birds chirping]

[grunting]

Whew. Well, Leonard,

looks like you're goin' down
with the ship.

[horn honking]
Eh?

[tires screeching]

Both: Hi, Gramps.

Oh-oh, kids!

What the heck are you
doing here?

Hope it's not too late for
your new counselors to start.

Yeah. We aren't gonna let
Mastodon close.

Oop. Looks like you won't
be needing this.

Well, batten my hatches,

my little Loud lifesavers.

Gramps... need... air.

[twangy guitar music]

Here are your sleeping quarters.

But you got all those cabins.

My crew sleeps on board,
but don't worry.

My boat has every
creature comfort.

Ow, ow.

Horror of horrors.

It would appear
there are no bathrooms.

Ha-ha.
Silly sand dab.

'Course there are.

[together]
Ew. Ohh.

I'll name him Sloshy Jr.

Well,
his name is actually Frank,

but that has a nice ring to it.

Anyway,
I'll let you get settled in.

[all snoring]

[horn blares]
- Ahh!

C'mon, Gramps, lay off the horn.

It's 3:00 in the morning.

My crew starts early.

Like we said in my fishing days,

"A minute after dawn,
and the mackerel are gone."

Heh-heh, mackerel,
always in a hurry.

Both: Whoa!

We'll meet at oh-four-hundred
hours for training.

See you then, crew.

Leni, what are you doing?

If we're not meeting
for four hundred more hours,

I'm getting some beauty sleep.

[all groan]

[bird squawking]

[all shivering]

This water is colder
than a liquid nitrogen

freeze chamber in winter.

Why are we out here, pray tell?

Leonard Loud's crew
catches its own chow.

Why, back in my seafaring days,

we ate nothin' but fresh fish.

Hey-ya, pal.
We got these newfangled things

called grocery stores now.

Ya know, you buys things.

Aw. Why buy fish
when ya can catch it?

Zing! Ha-ha-ha-ha!
[together] Whoa!

Your turn.
And I want everyone to do it

the right way... by hand.

[grunts]

Wah! Hoo-hoo!

Look what I caught.

Ugh!

Rematch.
You and me, fish face.

Oh, heh-heh.
Don't worry, crew.

You'll be doing this every day,
so you'll catch on.

[all groaning]

Ya gotta scrape
the barnacles off this

so it'll be ready
for the campers.

Barna-call me crazy,
but why not get another canoe?

No way.
It's still got lots of life.

Besides, back in the day,
we couldn't wait

to scrape barnacles.

Have fun, minnows.

Ahh-yah!

Ahh!

[grunts]

[teeth rattling]

Ohh!

[jackhammer rattling]
- Whoo! Hoo-hoo!

Whoa-ooh-ooh-ooh!

[all groaning]

Well, rig my sails.

I'm impressed, kiddos.

Guess you won't have any
trouble with the rest of 'em.

[flies buzzing]

Welp,
let me know when you finish.

Now we know why all
those other counselors quit.

Yeah.
Gramps is running this camp

like he ran his fishing boat,
and it's zero percent fun.

And if he keeps this up,

he'll run off
his future campers too.

Mastodon will be done for,
and Gramps will leave us.

I'm afraid we must tell him.

Wah!

[accordion music]

Well? Who's gonna start?

[scoffs] Dang it.

Gramps?

Heh-heh.
Yes, little minnow?

Fishy stuff no fun.

Bad for camp.

Whoa, whoa whoa.
What do you mean?

Gramps-dude,
what Lily's trying to say

is that all that
fisherman stuff was great

when you were a fisherman.

But it's not so great
for a camp.

You have to make people
wanna come here.

Which means changing how
you run this establishment.

Perhaps, uh,
make it more like it was

when you and father
were campers.

But I was a fisherman
for so long.

It's all I know.

But you've gotta try.
And we can help you.

I gotta think it over, kiddos.

And I do my best thinking
on my boat.

[boat horn honking]

Whoo-hoo! Gramps says
he'll give it a try.

I'm fluent in boat horn.

All right, Gramps,

time to get your proverbial
camp legs back.

Surely you must
remember archery.

It's a cinch. Watch.

[grunts]

You're up, Gramps.

[grunts] Huh?

Dang it.

Hmm.
I know just the thing.

Aww.

Waterskiing?

Why, shellac my hull,
this I'll get right for sure.

Lola, sweetie, ya ready?

Prepare to be dazzled.

[engine revving]

Ooh.
Look at the size of that one.

Oh. He's getting away.
Hang on, kids.

Whoa-ho!

Eh, eh, ahh-ahh-ahh!

Hm.
Looks like he got away.

Uh, can somebody
help me out here?

Oh, Lola, sweetie.

I forgot you were back there.

Argh. Another net
full of nothing, Leonard.

Cheer up, Gramps.

There's no way a fella
can foul up s'mores.

Knock on wood.

Yeah. You can do this.

Here you go, my little minnows,
Gramps' famous s'mores.

Now the best part:
poundin' it.

[all munching]

I'm tasting chocolate,

definitely graham cr*cker
and marshmallow.

But there's something
I just can't place.

Yep, that's lake trout.

I thought the scales
would give it some extra zing.

All: Bleh! Oh, gross!

Bleh!

Aww, I'm as hopeless
as a schooner with no sail.

, Don't worry, Gramps.

Yeah. We'll start over
first thing in the morning.

I appreciate all your help,
kiddos.

You've done everything
you can do.

I'm just not cut out
to run this place.

As much as a I love
Camp Mastodon,

I'll have to sell it.

[together]
No way. No.

Ah, it's okay.

I guess I'm meant to be
a fisherman.

You can all bunk
in the cabins tonight.

I'm gonna head out in the
morning and follow the tide...

wherever it takes me.

[together]
Gramps, no. We'll miss you.

We'll see each other again
someday, my little minnows.

[sobbing]

No want Gramps to go.

It's been so great
having him back

and spending time together.

[boat horn honking]

Rough translation,
Gramps says ding-dang darn it.

[engine revving]

Looks like it's just you
and me, Frank.

[indistinct chatter]

What the heck?

Kids? What are you doing here?

We're going with you, Gramps.

We promised to help you out
for a week.

Now we'll just do it
on your boat.

Oh, ya silly sea cucumbers.

You don't even like
the fisherman's life.

Doesn't matter, Gramps-dude.

We'll do whatever it takes
to be with you.

I'll learn to swab the deck.

Wah-ahh!

And I'll learn how to
hoist junk.

[grunting]

[giggles]

And I'll even learn to...
pee in a bucket.

Sloshy Jr., Lola.

He has a name.

Gramps, all we really care about

is spending time with you,
even if it means doing a bunch

of boat stuff
that we are not good at.

You know what? If you all
can try to make it work at sea,

I can try harder
to make it work on land,

especially if it means
I get to be with my minnows.

Bring it in.
[chuckles]

Gramps... need... air.

[laughter]

You're doing great so far,
Gramps.

Ha-ha. Who's ready
for some waterskiing?

[engine revving]

Yay!
I'm doing it.

[whimpers]

[all gasp]

Hey. Come back here
with my camper.

[grunting]

Bad, lake sturgeon.

Spit her out right now.

Whoa.
That... was... awesome!

I wanna do it again.

Whoo-hoo!

[all cheering]

Heh-heh-heh.

[belches]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[birds chirping]

Hmm.

[mailbox whirring]

Oh-oh! Oh! Ohh! Augh!

[whirring]

[grunts]

Gasp. My new cauldron.

I see my new mail system
is working swimmingly.

[groans]

Lana, what are you hiding?

Is that another note
from Principal Huggins

about bathing more frequently?

No, he gave up on that.

It's an invitation
to a sleepover

my friend Kayla is having.

But as all of you know,
I'm really bad at sleepovers.

Oh, honey,
you're not bad at them.

You've just never made it
through one.

I always get so homesick,

sleeping in someone else's house

on their pillows
smelling their smells.

I prefer my own smells.
[all gasp]

We don't.

And what if I have a nightmare?

It's just too much for me.

But, Lana, don't you want
to go to Kayla's?

You guys always have
so much fun together.

Of course I wanna go.

My other friends,
Kristen and Ashley,

are gonna be there too.

But I'm hopeless.

I won't last 30 minutes.

Maybe we can help you.

We all have experience
with sleepovers.

Maybe we can show you
some tricks

that will get you over
the homesickness.

Good idea, Lincoln.

We could have
a few practice runs

and work up to the big night.

I'm in.

I'll assist as well.

Okay, I'll do it.

[owl hooting]

Okay, we're all set up for
practice sleepover number one.

We're going to
start you off slow

barely 10 feet from the house.

And after this, we'll work up
to farther distances from home.

I see you're getting nervous.

I have an idea.

Whenever I'm homesick,

I take my mind off it
by watching TV.

We'll bring it out here.

But Lynn's got dibs
on the TV and said

anyone who changes the channel
gets a camel clutch.

Augh!
Okay, you can change it back.

Change it back!

Well, we don't wanna
mess with that.

Let's just make our own TV.

On this channel
I'll be re-telling the story

of when I won
Little Miss Sugarloaf.

There I was center stage
looking fabulous

in a satin gown, and...

Boring.

Click.

[scoffs]

Welcome to the "Haunted Hour,"

poetry readings for the dead.

[shivers] Click.

This is Lisa Loud
with the agricultural report.

Corn has risen in price by 8%.

Double click.

Aren't you gonna pick a channel?

Nope. This channel surfing
is working.

So far, no homesickness.

Click, click, click.

- Next up...
- Oh!

David Steeeeeele.

[grunts] Whew.

Where was I?

[shivering]

Lana, how are you doing on
practice sleepover number two?

We're a bit farther
from home now.

Not good.
I'm not loving it here.

Well, I'm not loving it either.

I want my spare key back.

[groans]

Here, Lana.
I made this for you.

It's a specialized spray that
smells exactly like our house.

I used the essence
of Lynn's gym bag,

Dad's cooking, Lola's perfume,
Geo's hamster cage,

etcetera, etcetera.

It's to combat homesickness.

[sniffing]

Wow, thanks, Lisa.

Oh, it's in my eyes!

[together] Eww. That's
disgusting. Ugh. I can taste it.

Hey, it was just getting fun.

Hmm, I guess you can have
a sleepover in our dining room.

But don't touch my pudding.

I count the ounces,
so I'll know.

Wow. Lana, you're progressing
well with your training.

You are now 4.3 miles
away from home

equidistant from our homestead
to Kayla's.

Uh, how far?
[groans]

Here, Lana. Hugging a pillow
from home might comfort you.

It always works for me.

Ahh.
[sniffs]

Ew. Why does it smell
like an old casket?

Oops, that's mine.

Here's your pillow.

Mmm, now we're talking.

It even has some of Hops' slime.

Thanks, Lucy. I feel better.

Well, Lana,
I think you're ready.

[touch-tones beeping]

Kayla, I'm just calling
to say that I'm definitely

coming to your sleepover.
- [indistinct chatter]

Oh, sorry for waking you,
Kayla's Dad.

Heh-heh.

Okay, who's ready to get
this sleepover started?

- Definitely.
- Yes, yes, yes.

Uhh, who wants to watch TV?

Oh, sorry,
our TV is busted right now.

Long story short, my dog was
watching the nature channel,

and they interviewed a squirrel.

Oh.
I saw that one too.

The squirrel gave
a great interview.

I just need to get something
out of my bag real quick.

Oh, no, where's my spray?

[dog growling]

Whoa!
[oven timer dings]

[gasps] Cookie's are ready.

[gasping]

Have a nice date.

[giggling]

Pillow fight!

[all shouting]

[phone rings]
- Wait, wait, wait. Time-out.

It's Lana.

Guys, help. I'm homesick,

and my spray's gone,
and the TV's busted.

What about the pillow?

Hops' slime
isn't helping anymore.

Maybe I need the real thing.

Can someone please bring Hops,
Izzy, El Diablo, Duncan,

and Bitey here?

Definitely dibs not.

[together]
Dibs not.

Pthew!

Fine, I'll go.

Thanks, Leni, and remember,

you can't let my friends
see you.

But how am I supposed
to get you your animals?

[[tires screeching]

Ahh!

[grunts]
Whoa.

[knocks]

[rooster crows]

- Thanks, Leni.
- No problem.

Oh! Oh!
I'm okay.

Oh, by the way,
watch out for gopher holes.

Hey, guys, what's up?

Just coloring. Wanna join?

Wait, why are you
in your sleeping bag already?

Yeah. And why is it
moving around like that?

Oh, I just got the leg jumps.

I'm in here so I don't
accidentally kick anyone

in the face.

Bad, El Diablo.
Spit Bitey out.

I'll be right back.
Heh-heh-heh.

Does anyone think Lana
is acting weird?

[grunts]

[whimpers]

Guys, my pets aren't helping.

I'm still homesick.

Well, what else
can we bring you, little sis?

What about
one of Dad's Lynnsagnas?

Sure. No problem.
Be right there.

Correction There is a problem.

We have no Lynnsagna,
and Father is still out

gallivanting with Mother.

But we don't wanna
bother them on their date.

I've got an idea.

[panting]

[knock at door]

[gasps]
- Lana? You okay?

My parents said it's time
to put on our PJs

and go to sleep.

Oh, no, this is always
the hardest part.

No problem, Kayla.

I'll be right out.

I'm just, uh, shaving.

Ugh. Where are they
with the Lynnsagna?

I don't think taking
Grouse's frozen Lynnsagna

is a good idea.

I do.
He still has, like,

15 from the last time
we broke his window.

He can spare one.

Burglars!

Mr. Grouse, it's just us.

I know who it is.

Ahh!
- Augh!

Dang Louds.

Here's your Lynnsagna.

Why is it frozen?

It was the only one
we could get in a pinch.

Sorry.

[knock at door]

Lana, come on.

We need to get in our PJs.

Ahh!

Guys, maybe I just need
to see Mom for a minute,

and then I'll feel better.

Can you just go get her, please?

I'm sorry, Lana, but Mom...

Would be happy to come.

[knock at door]

- Lana, come on.
- Just need another minute.

Don't worry.
I've got an idea.

And Mom's bone structure.

Hi, sweetie.

It's Mommy.
You're doing great.

Hi, Mom.
Thanks for coming.

I love how you did
your hair tonight.

- Ahhh! Gopher hole!
- Whoa!

Ugh!

What are you guys doing?
Where's Mom?

She's on a date with Dad.

We thought we could make you
feel better ourselves.

Sorry, Lana.

It's okay.

I guess it was nice
of you to try and help me,

but I'm ready to go home.

Can you guys meet me out front?

I gotta tell my friends
the truth.

[laughter]
- Yeah.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Lana.
Is everything okay?

We saved you a spot.

I'm sorry, guys,
but I can't stay.

I'm homesick,
and I wanna go home.

I don't think I'll ever
get better at sleepovers.

It's okay, Lana.
We understand.

[doorbell rings]

That's my siblings.

They're here to take me home.

Huh?
You're not my siblings.

No, that's for us.

Here ya go.

You guys ordered pizza?

But I thought you were
going to bed.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

We just told Kayla's mom
and dad that.

I mean, every sleepover
we stay up all night snacking,

playing games...
- Making friendship bracelets,

talking, watching movies...

What?

I didn't know that.

Well, that's 'cause you never
stuck around long enough.

Yeah, the best part of
a sleepover is not sleeping.

Yeesh.

Holy hydrogen, Kayla.

Your family has
a real gopher hole problem.

I just climbed out
of a 5-footer.

Climbed?

Yeah, no,
I had to dead lift her.

Lana, are you ready to go home?

Actually, I wanna stay now.

[all gasp]
- What?

That's great. But what if
you get homesick again?

I won't have time to.

I'll be too busy having fun
with my friends all night.

I don't even have to worry
about nightmares,

because we won't be sleeping.

[chuckles]
Lana, that's wonderful.

But before we go, here's some
more spray as a backup.

Here, catch.

Eh... eh...
[gasps]

- Oh!
- Oh, man!

It's like wet garbage juice
in the rain.

- Gag.
- Ugh.

♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪

♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way
we show our love ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪

♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line
to take a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy ♪

♪ Chaos with 11 kids ♪

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
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