06x13 & 06x19 - Crashed Course/Puns and Buns

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Loud House". Aired: May 2, 2016 - present.*
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Series revolves around the chaotic everyday life of a boy named Lincoln Loud, who is the middle child and only son in a large family of 11 children.
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06x13 & 06x19 - Crashed Course/Puns and Buns

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom
on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪

♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do
what he can to survive ♪

♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

♪ Duck, dodge, push,
and shove ♪

♪ That's how we show
our love ♪

♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

♪ One boy and ten girls ♪

♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪

♪ Loud, Loud, Loud ♪

♪ Loud house ♪

Poo-poo.

[cheerful music]

♪ ♪

Benjamin Stein, you may have
just started working here,

but I know greatness
when I see it.

I'm promoting you to assistant
manager of the Burpin' Burger.

Wow, the Golden Buns?

Dreams do come true.
- You've earned it.

You're always on time,
your uniform is always clean,

and you're the first person ever

to organize the pickles by size.

Thank you, Andre.

I'll teach you how to organize
the pickles too, Otis,

once you've recovered from that
accident with the burger sign.

[vocalizing]

[grunts]
Oof.

And we all want you
to get better soon...

- [whimpering]
- Especially me,

because I have
to fill in for you.

No one wears the buns
like you, boss.

Whoa!

Ugh.
- It's o-fish-al!

You're a "reel" catch.

[both laugh]

Aw, Luan, I'm hooked on you.

It's so good to see ya.

[clears throat]

Luan, can you please
control your dummy?

He's creeping out our customers.

Don't make eye contact.

Back away slowly.

Oh, sorry.

He's just thirsty for attention.

Get it?
- [sighs]

Someone needs to pay
for the soda.

[laughs]

Well, I better
take Mr. Coconuts home.

We just used our savings
on that hilarious soda bit.

I miss spending time
with you, Benny.

Ever since Dairyland closed
for the off-season,

I don't see you very much.

Remember how I'd sneak up
on you and scare you,

and you'd knock over
your popcorn cart?

[laughs]
I miss that.

Ha-ha!
Classic, us.

I miss it too.

[gasps] Wait.

Benny, why don't
I just work here with you?

Problem solved.

I was just thinking that too!
[chuckles]

But I don't know
if Andre will go for it.

He takes fast food
very seriously.

[dramatic music]

Be the burger.
Be the burger.

Sesame seed bun!

You can convince him.

He'll listen to you.

You're right.
I'm assistant manager now.

Absolutely not.

Luan? Work here?

Are you kidding?
Hup!

But sir, Otis is still injured,

and we could really use
a little more help.

Plus, she does have experience.

Her family owns a restaurant,

and she promised
to leave Mr. Coconuts at home.

Fine.

But Luan is your responsibility.

She can be your first assignment

as assistant manager.

Thanks, boss.
You won't regret this!

I hope not.

[chuckles]

[clears throat]
- Hm?

Welcome to the Burpin' Burger
family, Luan!

- [gasps]
- You start tomorrow!

[squeals]

Oh, Benny, we're gonna have
so much fun together.

I know! But first,
I'll have to train you.

We'll start with the fries.

Whatever you say, boss.

Ooh, check it out,
I'm going backwards.

Hey, watch out!

[loud crash]

[grunts]
- [whimpers]

[loud crash]
Ow!

Aw.

That's everything.

Oh, here's your first customer.

Hi.
Nice to "meat" you.

I heard there was a new
employee at the Burpin' B,

so I hustled down here
to "ketchup."

[laughs]
"Lettuce ketchup," indeed.

I hope that new employee
isn't beefing it.

[chuckles]
Get it?

Come on, bruh,
are you gonna order or what?

Hang on, we're on a roll.

You got to relish it.

[laughter]

[clears throat]

[scary music]

Uh, Luan, we're gonna move
you to drive-thru window duty.

Did you hear that, Dad?
I'm already getting promoted.

I'm gonna go home and tell Mom.

Hello?
Is this thing on?

Knock, knock.

Ooh, who's there?

It's Mr. Grouse.

I just want a cheeseburger.

Mr. Grouse-I-just-
want-a-cheeseburger who?

[laughs]
- [groans]

These Louds are everywhere now.

[laughing] Oh, hey, Benny.

You're just in time to do
knock-knock jokes with me.

Ah, let's circle back to that.

I'm getting complaints
that every time

someone orders a number two,

you're handing them
fake dog poop?

I knew you would love that one.

Oh, I missed having
fun with you.

It's just like old times.

Hello, can I just get
a number two?

Will doo-doo!

Guess what?
Now you're on dining room duty.

Somebody? Anyone?

[groans]

[cheerful music]

♪ ♪

- [shrieks]
- [laughs]

[gasps]

[splatting]

Ugh.

I'm so sorry about the rubber
chicken in your to-go bag.

Please enjoy
this complimentary milkshake.

- Benny.
- Ah!

Benny, can I see you in
the employee conference room?

I'm so sorry.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

You have to fire Luan.

She's the worst employee
we've ever had.

Maybe she just needs
more training?

She's handing out fake poop
to customers.

You got me there.

But sir, I can't fire her.

She's my girlfriend.

Benny, f*ring people
is a part of the job.

You're just gonna have to do it,

and if you can't...
- [gasps]

Maybe you're not
assistant manager material.

[shivering]
Tough break, buddy.

Otis, how long
have you been in here?

[laughing]
Whoa. Whoa.

Luan, what are you doing
in the milkshake machine?

There was a clog,
and I was "udderly" worried.

I retract my question.

Look, I have some news.

Wait, before the news,

I have a surprise for you.

- Oh, wow, you made these?
- Yep.

Just a little something
to say thank you for this job,

because I'm having
an absolute blast.

So what was the news?

Well, uh, you see, the thing is,

you're fired.

[sobbing]

I never want
to see you again, Benny!

- [groans]
- Benny?

Benny.
- Huh?

Are you okay?

So what's the news?

Just that, ah,

I got a new job for you...

Outside.

I need you
to clean the dumpster.

It's not glamorous,

but at least you're out
in the fresh air.

[inhales deeply]

[gags]

Well, maybe it's
not the freshest air.

I'll let you get to it.

- Benny.
- Ah!

I'm proud of you
for f*ring Luan.

That showed real
golden bun strength.

Ah, thanks.
It was traumatizing,

but she's long gone.

Good.

- Finished with the dumpster!
- [gasps]

Believe it or not,
it was easier to clean

than Lana after a night
in the doghouse.

So can I work inside now?

Not yet because I need you
to take this order

all the way to... Hazeltucky!

Surprise.
Now you're on delivery duty.

I didn't think
we did deliveries,

plus I don't have a car.

We do, and just,
uh, take your unicycle.

But it's ten miles.

15 if you stay off the freeway.

Better safe than sorry.

Here's the address.

Hello, Aunt Gert,
congratulations!

You just won a free
Double Burper with cheese,

courtesy of Burpin' Burger,
and it's headed your way.

[sighs]

Yah!
- I'm back.

[door opens]
- [gasps]

[groans]
- [grunts]

Thought I could scrape
some gum while we talk.

What are you doing back so soon?

Well, I ran into Leni,

who was headed to the party
store in Hazeltucky,

and she offered
to deliver the order.

Ha-ha-ha.

How thoughtful of her.

[playful music]

And also convenient,

because we just got
another delivery order.

This time it's for, uh,
a guy at the mall

with a blue mohawk, unibrow,

and he's riding a horse.

Wow, he should be easy to find.

Let's hope not.
[sighs]

[shrieks]
Why are you here?

Uh, I mean, Luan, you're back.
Yay.

Found the guy
with the blue mohawk.

He was right outside.

[horse neighing]

- Huh? He was?
- Yeah.

But Benny,
can I stay inside now?

I mean, the whole point
of working together

was so that we could
be together.

No problem. How about
we tag team the freezer?

- Whoa!
- You get a jump on it,

and I'll meet you in there.

Benny, what's going on?

Let me out!
- [shivering]

Oh, hi, Otis.

Let me out!

Weird.
I thought I heard Luan.

Anyway, excuse me.
I need more fish sticks.

- No, I can't let you do that!
- Why not?

There's, uh, a rat infestation.

They've taken control
of the fish sticks.

I say we let them
have the sticks.

We don't want any trouble.

Oh-ho-ho, not again.

Move aside, Benjamin.

As manager,
I need to handle this.

[loud banging]

They sound huge!

I can take them.

Benny, get my hammer.

[dramatic music]

Ugh!
- [gasps]

[groans] Luan?

What are you doing here?
Benny fired you.

What?
Benny never fired me.

Wait, you were supposed
to fire me?

[sighs]
I'm sorry I lied, Andre.

I never went through with it.
I didn't want to upset Luan,

so I just kept
moving her around,

hoping you wouldn't notice.

And Luan, I'm so sorry,

but with the dog poop
and everything else,

your behavior isn't exactly up
to our golden bun standard.

We're gonna have to let you go.

This is the part
where you break up with me

and run out crying.

Benny, I'd never break up
with you for f*ring me.

I get it.

I'm just sorry
for the way I acted.

I was only trying
to have fun with you at work,

but I guess I went
a little overboard.

A little?
[laughs]

A little, she says.

Ah, jeez, that's a relief.

All right!

At least we'll be together
when Dairyland reopens.

Wait, Dairyland!

Andre, maybe we don't
have to fire Luan.

I have an idea
that might help everyone.

I'm proud of you
for thinking of this, Benjamin.

- [vocalizing]
- Now I don't have

to wear that ding-dang thing.

- Wah!
- When I realized Luan has

experience with costumes,
it just clicked.

She's the best Heidi Heifer
Dairyland has ever seen.

That was some good thinking,

some assistant manager
type thinking.

So I get to keep my promotion?

Thank you, sir.
I accept!

Hey, guys,
I got all my casts off!

- Wah!
- Ah!

[loud crash]
- Yah!

Sorry, Otis.

[laughs nervously]
- [groans]

I'll get the wheelchair.

[light music]

♪ ♪

[birds chirping]

Sorry you have to wear
corduroy for a week, Tanya.

But at least you get a cool
view of the food court.

Leni, you ready for lunch?

Definitely!

How about Spaghetti on a Stick?

I'm craving skewered noodles.

Uh, sure.

But let's go to the Spaghetti
on a Stick across town,

or maybe one
at a different town.

I hear you get free
marinara in Hazeltucky.

That's silly!
It's right there.

Come on!

O-M-gosh!

Last night's "Dream Boat"
was totes wild!

First, Valine picked Victor.

But then Valerio fell from the
crow's nest and landed on her!

It was love at first impact.

[thump]
- Oh!

[crashing]

Thanks, Felix.
- You know,

Miguel bumped into
the carbonara cart yesterday.

What's up with him?
He's super distracted.

[gasps] You're right.

I'm wearing new sunglasses,
and he didn't even notice.

Miguel, what's going on?

Step right up!
Get your skewer noodles!

[cheering]

That's Gavin.

He just joined the
Spaghetti on a Stick family.

[squeals] O-M-gosh!

Time for the caboose of truth!

Uh!

You have a crush on Gavin!

Shh!
Fashion show voices.

Okay.
Yes, you're right. I do.

[squeals]

[horn toots]
Why are you being so secretive?

You're a great guy, Miguel.

You should totes go for it.

You'll find this
hard to believe.

But I'm not always the witty,
suave style icon you know

and absolutely adore.

[sighs] When it comes to
affairs of the heart,

I'm a totally nervous klutz!

- [grunts]
- Awesome!

- Awesome!
- Awesome!

There's no way I could ever
approach someone

as cool as Gavin.

Did you see the height
he gets on those meatballs?

What if you didn't do it alone?

What if I helped
you land your crush?

Oh! [claps]
[horn toots]

[gasps] My new sunglasses!

Okay, just remember everything
we talked about last night.

Ask if the sauce is fresh.

Compliment his shoes.

Mention the latest
ep of "The Dream Boat."

- Perfect!
- Ah!

[gasps]

Welcome to Spaghetti on a Stick!

How can I help you today?

Uh, nice boats.

Are those shoes fresh?

Boy, that episode of
"The Dream Sauce," huh?

[cries]

[whap]
- Oh!

[thud]
[splat]

Aah!
Sauerkraut in my eye!

Don't worry.
We are not giving up.

[sniffs]

And sauerkraut is actually
a good scent on you.

[mischievous music]

[beep]
- Testing, testing.

Are you sure this
is going to work?

[beep]
- Definitely.

This is legit David Steele
spy gear from Lincoln.

With me talking in your ear,
you won't mess up with Gavin.

Trust me.
[static crackles]

Okay, bestie.
I trust you.

Hey, Miguel!
Looking stylish, as usual.

[laughs loudly] Mm.

[chuckles]
[beep]

Thanks.
What can you tell me

about the rigatoni today?

Uh... uh, thanks.

What can you tell me
about the rigatoni today?

Excellent question!

The pasta is fresh from Sicily.

Well, Sicily, Michigan.

But still!

So can I put in
an order for you?

[dreamy music]

Quit daydreaming, blondie!

And ring these up!

One moment, please.

- One moment, please.
- I get it.

Choosing the right
pasta takes time.

I'm gonna have
to ask you to calm

down and step back, please.

[inhales sharply]
Ohh.

I said, step back, please.

And I said, I've
waited long enough!

Grr!
- Uh, Miguel?

Is everything all right?

[laughs nervously]

[pants]
[gasps]

[splash]
[spits] Oh!

[light music]

Oh. Thanks, Felix.

Security!

Get back here, blondie!

[carnival music playing]

And I just happen
to hear Gavin say he

was spending his day off here.

I mean, lucky for us,
I was hiding behind his car,

listening to him on the phone.

Right?
- Oh, you're the best

bestie ever.

So what's the plan?

Ride the Curdler
with him and post

stylishly for the scream cam?

Nope!

[dramatic chord]

We're just going to get on
the same Seas o' Cheese

boat as him,
so I can talk you up.

Genius!

And for backup, I still have all

the stylish poses I practiced.

[tiger growls]

[shimmering tone]
[smooches]

Mm! [gasps]

[ding]

Excuse me!
So sorry.

Our friend is up there.

[clears throat]
Gavin?

What a surprise!
- Oh. Hey, Leni.

Hey, Miguel.
- Miguel, look!

It's Gavin!

Grey!

Sorry. I started to say
"greetings,"

but then I switched it
to "hey."

Ugh!

[gasps]

Ah.

[dramatic music]

Ah!

Next boat.
This one's full.

Wait, no!
He's with us!

[chains rattling]
- Oh.

♪ Dairy binds
the world together ♪

[laughs] I love this song!

I could listen to it all day.

Me, too!

My sister Luna thinks I'm
totes uncool because

I sing it in the shower.

Ooh!
You know who is cool?

Miguel!

Last month, he competed
in a triathlon.

The events were yoga,
modeling a man purse,

and providing fashion commentary

during an awards show!

He came in first.

[chuckles] Leni, I know
what you're doing.

You do?

Don't worry.
I got the message.

And it's all good, because
I feel the same way.

[squeals]

I think it's sweet that you've

been so nervous
about talking to me

that you've been
hiding behind Miguel.

Wait, what?

I mean, I hid behind your car,
but not behind Miguel.

You don't have to worry.

I think you're cool, too.

And I'd love to get
to know you better.

Oh, no, no, no.

I am not cool.
Miguel is cool.

I'm sure Miguel is great,
but I like you.

Ahh!

Uh!
[gasps]

Leni, what are you doing?

Uh, I dropped my phone.

Sail on without me.

[sighs]

Sorry I, uh, fell
out of the boat

before I could talk
to Gavin about you.

Well, thanks for trying, Leni.

You're a good friend.
No, the best friend.

Now, get home
and wash that cheese off

before your skin curdles.
Ugh!

Tippy, this is a nightmare!

[kids scream]

I tried to connect
Gavin with Miguel,

but it turns out Gavin
is interested in me.

If Miguel finds out,
our friendship

will be over forever.

[gasps]
You're right!

I just have to make sure
Miguel never finds out.

You're a wise cow, Tippy.

Special delivery for Leni Loud!

Pork ravioli skewers.

[chuckles]
I made them myself.

[gasps] Oh, my favorite!

I know.
I asked around.

Oh, I smell pork.

Ow!
[crashing]

Um, it's just my,
uh, new perfume.

[sniffs] Mm, bold.

I like it.
Wow, you and I both found

new food-related fragrances
this week!

[laughs]
Yay, us!

- Phew!
- Aah!

If I were a shoe.

Wow, such a personal question.

Hmm.

I'd have to say
an open-toed sandal.

I've got nothing to hide
but at the same time

offer incredible support.

[jaunty music playing outside]

♪ Dairy binds
the world together ♪

- Ahh!
- Is that the

Seas o' Cheese song?
- Uh, it's the ice cream truck!

Ohh!

Look for loose change
so we can buy something.

[muffled] Leni!

[growls]

[chomping]

Lynn, I need your help.

Think you can fling this bone
into someone's pocket for me?

[gulps] Uh, I'm gonna ignore

how random your question is
and just say, duh.

[twirling]

Is that the Seas o' Cheese song?

Lynn, focus!

[grunts]

- [barking]
- Aah!

- [barking]
- [panting]

I'm really sorry!

[gasps]

[coughs]

Sorry about what?

Uh, that we missed
the ice cream truck.

It went by really fast.

[gasps]
- [munches]

What?
Never heard of fourth lunch?

What am I going to do, Tanya?

I feel terrible that Gavin
is into me and not Miguel.

And the worst part is I think
I might sort of like him, too.

I know, you're right.

For the sake of my
friendship with Miguel,

I have to let Gavin
down for good.

You're a wise lady, Tanya.

♪ Leni, the pasta
I'd make you is penne ♪

♪ You're my one and only ♪

♪ Be the bread stick
to my cannelloni ♪

Oh, Gavin, you're sweet,

and that penne
does look delicious.

But we need to talk.

[gasps] [dramatic music]

[gasps]

I know you're mad, Miguel.

And I am so sorry.

I've been doing my best
to avoid Gavin,

because I would never
want to hurt you.

Well, I am hurt.

I understand if you don't
wanna be friends anymore.

No, silly.
I'm hurt that you think

I'd be mad at you.

Leni, you're the kindest,
sweetest person I know.

I would never think you
were trying to steal Gavin.

Really?

I'm touched that you would avoid

him to spare my feelings,
but I'm all right.

Actually, I think you and
Gavin would make a cute couple.

So I'm totes cool if you want
to get to know him better.

- You are?
- Of course!

You're my BFF, and I
want you to be happy.

B-double-I-G. Oh,
bring it in, girl.

Come on. Let's go to Spaghetti
on a Stick right now.

Ah!

Hey, Gavin.
So my friend Leni

thinks you're kind of neat.

She's my bestie,
so treat her well.

Or they'll be serving
Gavin on a stick here.

Know what I mean?
- [chuckles]

Huh.

[romantic music]

[chuckles nervously]

Nice boats.

Are the shoes fresh?

Boy, that episode
of "Dream Sauce," huh?

[gasps]
[both laugh]

[giggles]
Whoa! Oh!

Thanks, Felix.

[romantic music]

[both chuckle]
- Uhh, how about lunch?

The spaghetti's
extra fresh today.

Actually, so are the steaks.

[romantic music]

[both chuckle]

[squeals]

♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪

♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way
we show our love ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪

♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line
to take a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy ♪

♪ Chaos with 11 kids ♪

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪

♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪

♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way
we show our love ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪

♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line
to take a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy ♪

♪ Chaos with 11 kids ♪

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
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