06x21 - Cheer Pressure/Stroke of Luck

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls
like ping-pong balls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom
on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪

♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do
what he can to survive ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck, dodge, push,
and shove ♪

♪ That's how we show
our love ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ One boy and ten girls ♪

- ♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪

- ♪ Loud, Loud, Loud ♪

♪ Loud house ♪

- Poo-poo.

[upbeat marching band music]

♪ ♪

[school bell rings]

all: [cheering] Hey!
Let's hear it

for some Kangaroo spirit!

Together we can't lose,
so goooo Kangaroos!

- [inhales deeply]
[whistle blares]

Nice work, everyone.
Take a knee.

- Uh, but--
- You're excused, Paula.

- Hey. What's going on, Coach?

I was just getting warmed up.

- Listen up. Two things.

First, this is Hans,
my massage therapist.

- My name is Dennis.

- Hans will be with us
for the rest of the season.

My chiropractor says I carry

a lot of stress
in my shoulders.

Ahh.

Secondly,
there was a slight mix-up.

Instead of ordering
a kangaroo mascot costume,

someone ordered
a real live kangaroo.

- It was you.
- Zip it, Hans!

Kids, meet Crikey.

- [gulping]
[grunts]

[howls]

- [grunts]

Can someone please sign
for this thing?

- Apparently, he likes
energy drinks, kickboxing,

and team spirit.

Any questions?

Moving on.

Our first game of the season
is this Friday

at Hazeltucky Middle.

- Hazeltucky's going down.

- Save it for the game, Loud.

Now, since we need room
on the bus

for Hans and my massage chair,

three of you lucky ducks get
a ride in the VIP section.

- It's a cattle trailer

attached to the bus
with Crikey inside.

[Crikey howling]

- Hans, you're working
my last nerve here,

and not in the right way.

Ahh.

Now, let's see here.

[suspenseful music]

You three.
- [gasps]

- Congratulations.

- Aww, come on.
I can't believe this.

Basketball players shouldn't be
stuck in the trailer.

If anything, the cheerleaders
should be back there.

all: [gasp]

What's that supposed to mean?

Back up off our scene.

- It's just, without
the basketball team,

you and your squad wouldn't
have anything to cheer for.

- Yeah, no offense,

but you're more like
support staff

for us real athletes.

- Oh, please.

Cheerleading is harder
than basketball.

We practice way more
than you guys

and have competitions
year-round.

If anything,
we're the real athletes.

There's no way you could do
what we do.

[chanting] Uh-huh.
all: Okay.

You wouldn't last a day.

- Yeah, right.

We could cheer circles
around you guys.

- Is that a challenge?

Well, then how about we have
a little cheer-off?

- Oh, you're on.

Oh, and let's make it
interesting, shall we?

Winners get to ride in the bus.

Losers ride with Crikey--

for the whole season.

- Ow!

Once he starts jumping,
he doesn't stop!

[grunts]
- [howls]

[all cringe]
- Ooh.

all: [chanting]
Oh, yeah. We're in.

Sit back and watch us win.

- Whew. I'm glad you got that
worked out.

Oh, I was talking to Hans
about the knot in my shoulder.

But your thing too.

- All right,
this cheer practice

should be a snap.

- No doubt.
We'll be done before lunch.

- What should we do first?

- Hmm.

Cheerleaders are always

tossing each other
in the air, right?

You ready?

Alley-oop!

[both scream]
Oops.

I might have put a bit too much
strength in that toss.

[crash]
- My azaleas!

[grunts] My sciatica.

- My bad!

Must have had too much protein
this morning.

My sister Lucy's
great at words,

so I got her to write
a cheer for us.

all: [chanting]
Eye of newt. Fur of pup.

Bring us together
and raise us up.

- Uh, I don't think
that was a cheer.

It sounded more like a spell.

all: Whoa!

- Dang it! Lucy!

[upbeat techno music playing]

Cheerleaders do pyramids
and junk,

so I guess we should try that.

Paula, help me lift.

- [gulps]

I don't like being up here.

- Ugh. It's better
than being down here.

I mean, I'm carrying
all the weight.

Paula.

- It's not my fault.

I'm working with one arm
and one leg over here.

- Can you two stop arguing
and let me do--

[screams]
[crash]

♪ ♪

- Ugh.
I just don't understand.

Cheerleading's not hard.
Why can't we nail it?

- If we don't figure this out,

we're gonna be in that trailer
with Crikey.

- So I bit right into it.
Turns out, it wasn't an apple.

Oh, hi, girls!

- Why so glum, sugar plums?

- We made a bet
we could cheerlead,

but we can't get
the hang of it.

Now we're gonna end up
in a trailer with a kangaroo.

- Been there, done that.

Not fun.

- Well, lucky for y'all,
you're in the presence

of the one and only
Split Sisters!

Back in our day, we were
co-captains of the cheer squad.

Why don't we help y'all out?

- Really?
- Why, sure, honey biscuit.

We could be y'all's coaches.

both: Ready! Okay!

Split Sisters save the day!

- Whoo-hoo!

[whistle blares]

- Okay, pickle spears,
watch and learn.

Hit it, Meryl!

[upbeat electronic music
playing]

both: [grunting]

Whoo!

♪ ♪

Split!

Sisters!

all: Wow.

- That was amazing!

- That was awesome.

- That was exactly
the kind of routine

we need to win the cheer-off.

Can you teach us those moves?

- Sure thing, chicken wing.

But first, y'all need
to start with the basics.

So listen up.

- There are three pillars
of cheerleading:

strength, spirit, and teamwork.

- Once you know the pillars
like the bottom of your boot,

then you'll be ready for our
sweeter-than-iced-tea moves.

- First up, strength.

A cheerleader's gotta be
as strong as a bull moose

when she's throwing,

but gentle as a baby kitty
when she's catching, m'kay?

- You're gonna practice with
these sacks of horse manure.

Trust us, you do not wanna
drop one of these.

It breaks open, we are
in stinky doo-doo town.

both: On your marks, get set,

catch and toss!

[all grunting]

- Hey, I'm getting
the hang of this!

- We're doing it!

[whistle blares]
- Great job, girls.

- Aww, yeah. Nailed it!

[all coughing]
- Oh, my.

Maybe we should have used
bags of potatoes instead.

Okay, girls, pillar number two
is spirit.

We are here so you can learn
how to cheer on someone

in any situation.

both: Now watch the masters.

[chanting] Go, Walter!
You're fantastic!

You can use paper or plastic!

Grocery shopping ain't a drag,

'cause Walter's got it
in the bag!

Go Walter!

- Whoo-hoo! Yay me!

I can do this all day now.

- Now you try.

- Hmm.

- [chanting] Yay Grouse!

He left the house!

He's buying meat
and can't be b*at!

Go Grouse!
- Thanks.

I've never been so jazzed
to pick out rib eyes before.

- [chanting] Yay Dan!

Dan, Dan, he's got a plan!

He knows how
to stack those cans!

- When you guys are done
with Dan,

can you meet me
in the produce department?

I have a tough time picking out
cantaloupes.

- We saved the best pillar
for last--teamwork.

- Cheerleading is a team sport,

so you really have
to work together.

- We find this lesson is best
learned by jumping into it

like Granny Mama woofing down
a hot casserole.

[growls]

- Uh, what?

- Think fast!
- [screams]

Aah!

Aah!

- I got her!
- No, I got her!

- No, I definitely got her.

- Someone please get me!

both: Let's both catch her.

- Whoa!

[both gasp]

- A cradle catch.

Now, that's some teamwork.

- Girls, y'all are finally
ready to learn the routine!

But first,
you gotta look the part.

[angelic harp music]

- Really? Skirts?

- You wanna win or not?

[all sigh]

[indistinct chatter]

- This should be interesting,
eh, Crikey?

Let's find out who you're
sharing the trailer with.

[Crikey howls]

- Actually,
it is pretty comfortable.

Loving the breeze.

Okay, team, let's go out there
and crush this routine.

- We got this!
- Whoo-whoo!

- Ready?
all: Okay!

[all grunt]

- Whoa.

- [chanting] Kangaroos
are the best of the best.

We'll take you down,
put you to the test.

We'll hop around
and make you say "ouch."

Win the trophy,
put it in our pouch.

- Time to bring it home!

all: Goooo Kangaroos!

[cheers and applause]

- Way to go, us!

Did you see
my one-handed cartwheel?

- Yeah. We might actually
win this thing!

- Good luck b*ating that.

- We don't need luck,
but thanks.

- Pfffft!

- Ready?
all: Okay!

[upbeat dance music playing]

♪ ♪

- Ooh.

Ahh.

Ooh.

[all gasp]

♪ ♪

all: Kangaroos!

[wild cheering]

- Based on those cheers,

it sounds like
we've got a winner!

[all sigh]

- I can't believe we just lost.

- I guess we're always
so focused on our game,

we never paid attention
to how talented they are.

- [sighs]

- You okay, Lynn?

- No, I'm not okay.

I got something to say to them.

- Thank you.

Thank you.
- That was really awesome.

- Hey, Jenna.
[tense music]

I owe you a big, fat apology.

You and your squad
are the toughest

and strongest athletes I know.

I'm sorry for doubting that.

both: Yeah. Us too.

- Your team definitely deserves
to ride the bus.

We'll take the trailer
with Crikey.

- Wow. Thanks, you guys.

I didn't expect that.

Hey, wait.

You know, we're all athletes

and we all deserve
to ride the bus.

- I agree, but Coach Keck
will never go for it.

- Hmm. We'll see about that.

- Whoo!
- So much leg room.

- This is great.

- So Jenna,
how'd you pull this off?

- Luckily, my mom plays Bunco
with Principal Ramirez.

She was pretty mad
when she heard

Coach Keck hired a masseuse
and brought a real kangaroo

with the school's money.
- [giggles]

all: Misappropriation
of funds!

Not cool!

- Ow, Crikey. Stop kicking!

Hans, I'm gonna need
another massage!

- I told you my name
is Dennis!

Ow!
- [howls]

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪

- All right, Lori, you're up.

- You've got it, Coach.

[mellow jazz music]

♪ ♪

[grunts]

[golf ball clacking]

[tense music]

♪ ♪

[gasps]

- Oh, my golf.
A hole-in-one, Lori!

- That was literally amazing.

Eee! Yes!

[grunts]

[upbeat jazz music]

♪ ♪

Wow! I am on fire!

♪ ♪

[cheering]
- Whoo-hoo!

Stay focused.

You're one hole-in-one away
from a perfect !

Stay calm.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- [grunts]

♪ ♪

- A perfect !
[cheering]

- [laughs]
- Lori, that's the first time

in golf history someone's
accomplished this feat!

- Let's go get your lucky ball!

[triumphant music]

- Let's get a photograph
to capture this moment, Lori.

They'll be talking about you
and the coach who got you there

for years to come!

- [giggles]

Oh, let me see
how it turned out.

Okay, first of all,
when did I grow nose hairs?

But also, I don't remember
buying these golf balls.

"Lisa Loud Labs LLC."

Uh-oh.

Thanks, Ali.

Just let me check it
before you--uh.

- And posted to Swifty.

- This calls for a celebration.

First round of Arnie Palmers
on me.

To the cafeteria!

- Oh, you go ahead.
I'll meet you there.

I just have to make
a quick call.

[phone dialing]

[line ringing]

- I told you, General.

The serum isn't quite ready
for human--

[gasps] Oh.

Greetings, eldest sibling.

Leni showed us
Ali's swiftypic.

I see my flag-seeking ball
worked.

- Ugh! I told Ali not to--wait.

Did you say
"flag-seeking ball"?

So I didn't really score
a perfect ?

- [laughs, snorts]
Of course not.

It's a clever bit
of GPS technology, really.

Once the ball is hit,
it calculates a trajectory

to the nearest flag.

You must have grabbed it
while you were home

for Father's annual
waffle weekend.

[glass shatters]
[growling]

Gah!

Unfortunately,
I have an urgent Geo situation.

Gotta go!
[phone beeps]

- [sighs]

I knew it was too good
to be true.

Guess I better break the news.

Hopefully word hasn't spread.

- Ooh! Ooh!
- There she is!

- [gasps]
- It's Lori!

- [laughs nervously]

- Hey, can I get a selfie?

[camera shutters clicking]

- Oof.

- Lori, everyone heard
about your perfect round.

You're a total
campus celebrity.

- And my post is blowing up!

It already has more likes

than "sleepy kitty
farts itself awake."

- Wow. Oh, um,

but I actually came here
to tell you guys something.

[horn honks]

- Make way! Make way!

I am coming through!

[tires screech]

Lori Loud, I am Davey Divots.

A star like you should have
her own driver.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

These people bothering you,
miss?

- Uh, no.

- So what were you gonna
tell us?

- Oh, uh, just--

- You're hungry, right?

Hey, everyone. Lori's hungry!

[overlapping chatter]
- Somebody get Lori some food!

- We made this as soon
as we heard the news.

And sorry your eye's
a little melty.

- Mmm.

- Wahh!
- We love you, Lori!

- We love you!
- Thank you.

No more photos.

[sighs]

It is nice being
a campus celeb,

but it's time to come clean
to everyone.

[horn honks]

[tires screech]
- Tori!

Hop in. I've got a surprise.

- Maybe right after I see
what this is.

[tranquil music]

♪ ♪

Wow. That was pretty amazing.

But Lori,
it is time to come clean.

[horn honks]
- Lori!

I've got another surprise
for you.

- Well, I don't want
to be rude.

- This in-room
Arnold Palmer maker,

and this customized putter--
all for you, Miss Loud.

Completely free of charge.

- Wow. Are you sure?

- And look what we made
for you.

- Oof. Wow.

I've always wanted
to see my name in argyle.

But I really don't
deserve this.

- Ha! Best golfer
this school's ever seen,

and she's modest too.

Unbelievable, right?

- [chuckles nervously]

Right.

[vacuums whirring]

Aah!
[objects clatter]

- All clean, Lori.

Fresh jammies are on the bed.

- Okay, this day has been
incredible,

but first thing
tomorrow morning,

you have to tell everybody
the truth.

Ooh, a pillow mint.

[edgy music]

♪ ♪

- I drove you everywhere!

- I made your head
in ice cream!

- How dare you?

- I gave you
a customized putter!

both: We cleaned your room!

[crowd shouting]

- [screams]

What am I gonna do?
What am I gonna do?

They're going to literally
tear me apart.

[inhales sharply]

Okay. Okay.

I just won't tell them.

I'm sure in a few days
this whole thing

will blow over anyway

and life can get back
to normal.

[golf club clinks]

Aah!
[crash]

[crowd cheering]
- Here she is.

Fairway's pride and joy.

- Hey, Coach. What's going on?

- Lori, everybody's been
absolutely buzzing about you.

So I've set up
this little demonstration--

How to hit a hole-in-one
like Lori Loud.

I really think the students
can learn from your expertise.

So excited
you can barely speak.

Well, then, shall we start?

- No!

I mean, I, uh--
I can't right now.

I need, um, my lucky ball.

- [laughs] Athletes
and their superstitions.

Well, hurry back
when you find it. [chuckles]

We'll all be waiting.

- [chuckles nervously]

Okay. Okay. If I just use
Lisa's ball one more time,

then maybe this whole nightmare
will be over.

[gasps] Where is it?

[clatters]
Oh, no.

It could have slipped out
anywhere.

Not in here.

Or here.

[gasps]

Not here.

Gross!

- Lori, is that you?

Coach Niblick sent me
to find you.

- [gasps]

- Why are you in the dumpster?

- I lost my lucky ball,
and I can't play without it!

[breathing heavily]

- Oh, I sent it
to the golf ball washing room

to be cleaned.

- Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.

How can I ever repay you?

- You could start
by letting me go.

You smell like day-old chili
and gelato.

- Oh, sorry.

[suspenseful music]

[gasps]

[machinery whirring]

[golf balls clatter]

♪ ♪

There's Lisa's ball. Yes!

♪ ♪

Whoa!

[sloshes]

♪ ♪

Whoa!

♪ ♪

Huh? No.

Where'd it go?

[gasps]
The logo got washed off.

I don't know
which one's Lisa's.

Aah!

I'm here. Ha.

[all grunting]

- Well, we're all ready.

Show us how it's done.

- Great.

Can't wait.

[cheers and applause]

Hi, everyone. I'm Lori.

- We love you, Lori!

- Thanks.

I love you too,
random student.

Coach Niblick asked me
to show you

how to hit a hole-in-one
just like I did,

and so I'm definitely
going to do that.

And the reason that I have
this many golf balls

Is because, um,
practice swings.

The key to my success
is practice swings.

A lot of practice swings.

[tense music]

Please let this be the one.

First line up to the flag.

Bend your knees,
square your shoulders,

and swing.

[suspenseful music]

See? [chuckles] Practice sh*t.

[grunts]

[grunts]

[grunts]

[frog croaks]

- Well, Lori, that seems like

a good amount
of practice swings.

Why don't you show us
the real thing?

Some of us have classes
tomorrow.

[twangy country music]

♪ ♪

- [screams]

Where is that ball?

[crowd sighs, murmurs]

- What's wrong, Lori?
Do you need a hot chocolate?

- Perhaps another massage?

- A new wardrobe?
Anything for our star.

- Actually, I'm not your star.

I don't deserve any of this.

- There's that modesty again.

- No. You don't understand.

There's something
I have to tell you.

[sighs]

I should have been honest
with you all

from the beginning.

It all started with my sister's
special golf ball.

- You know, you don't have
to caddy for me today, Lori.

- Yes, I do.

It's the least I can do
to make up for what I did.

Oh, hey there.

Let me top off that cocoa
for you.

Hey. I made a sundae
that looks just like you.

Oh, try this on for size.

Looking a little tight there.

I got that for you.

- Lori, did you ever find
your lucky ball?

- Well, I looked all over--

- [shouting]
[golf ball zooms]

- Ooh. There's my ball.

- [shouting]
- Coach Niblick!

It's a flag-seeking ball!

You have to drop the flag!

- Aah! Oh, no!

- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way
we show our love ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪

- ♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line
to take a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy ♪

♪ Chaos with kids ♪

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪