06x22 - Space Jammed/Crown and Dirty

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Loud House". Aired: May 2, 2016 - present.*
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Series revolves around the chaotic everyday life of a boy named Lincoln Loud, who is the middle child and only son in a large family of 11 children.
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06x22 - Space Jammed/Crown and Dirty

Post by bunniefuu »

- ♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom
on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪

♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do
what he can to survive ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck, dodge, push,
and shove ♪

♪ That's how we show
our love ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ One boy and ten girls ♪

- ♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪

- ♪ Loud, Loud, Loud ♪

♪ Loud house ♪

- Poo-poo.

[heroic music]

♪ ♪

- And thus, X equals Y plus Z.

- Knock, knock.

- Salutations, sister.
I'm sorry.

I don't have time
to make small talk.

- Math with letters?
Totes fun.

What are you working on?

- [sighs]
Small talk it is.

If you must know, I've been
hired to build a rocket

that can be controlled
from both Earth and space.

I would tell you who hired me,
but it's confidential.

- That was me zipping my lip.

- Lisa, did you take
your bath today?

- [sighs]
I don't have time for a bath.

I have a deadline with
the Norwegian government.

[gasps]
I've said too much.

Todd, wipe her memory.

- What did you just say?

[screams]

[gasps]
Ooh.

Math with letters. Totes fun.

Lisa, did you take
your bath today?

Mom and Dad left me in charge,
and as your babysitter--

- I appreciate your concern,
but I am not a baby

and therefore
do not need sitting.

Uh, here, a newly-minted coin

as a gratuity
for your services.

- [gasps]
Ooh.

[screams]

[laughs]

This doesn't taste
like mint at all.

- Hmm, something is off.

Uh, the ship seems
a few pounds heavier,

and I can't figure out--
wait a minute.

Who added
the frozen yogurt machine?

- What can I say?

I love me
some cake batter Froyo.

[garage door rattles]

- Hi.

Lisa, have you had
your morning snack?

Your letter math looks like
a real brain bender,

so you should fuel up.

I have cheese roll-ups.

[cat meows]

Uh, okay.

Well, there's more
in the kitchen.

Come inside and eat.

Plus, you can help me
with this brain bender.

It's a -piece puzzle

of all kinds
of fashion accessories.

- Well, I'm far from hungry.

- Really, you should
come in and...

have a snack.
- [groans]

We aren't going to get
any work done

with these interruptions.

- You're right.
Let's call it a day.

Chug, chug, chug.

Ah!

[upbeat music playing]

- That is not what I meant.
Let's go work in my bunker.

Leni won't be able
to bother us there.

Oh, Leni must be
rubbing off on me.

This all looks like gibberish.

- Hi.

- Speak of the annoyingly
persistent sibling.

Leni, how do you
keep finding me?

- It's a babysitter thing.

Come on,
it's time for your nap.

- Oh, for Pythagoras' sake,
geniuses don't take naps.

Uh, I mean--
[stammers]

I came out to the bunker
precisely for a nap.

It's so quiet,
I won't be disturbed.

[yawns]
Well, nighty-night.

- Oh, good.
Sweet dreams.

I'll come back later.

- Todd, fire up the new rocket.
We're getting out of here.

- Good idea.
We can nap as we orbit.

In space,
no one can hear you snore.

- [scoffs]
We won't be napping.

We're going to test the rocket

and escape my bloodhound
of a babysitter.

It's a win-win.
- Woot! Woot!

[exciting music]

♪ ♪

- How is Lisa supposed to nap
with all that racket?

♪ ♪

- Super Todd.
- Quit mess around, Todd.

We have work to do,
and you know how cranky

the Norwegians get
when we miss a deadline.

Initiating full gravity mode.

- Ow.

[alarm blaring]

- What? What's going on?
[gasps]

Ah, the thrusters are offline.

Funny, I didn't notice that

while preforming
my pre-flight check.

- You didn't preform
a pre-flight check.

- I didn't? Huh.
That's not like me to forget.

Eh, no problem-o.
Nothing a space walk can't fix.

Todd, stay here
and work the controls.

I shan't be gone long.

- Super Todd is back.

[keys beeping]

- Repairing
a homemade rocket ship

while orbiting the Earth at
roughly , miles per hour.

And Leni thinks
I need a babysitter.

[snorts]
Pshaw.

Todd, I told you
to stay at the controls!

- Uh, uh, my doctor says

a brisk walk every hour
improves circulation.

- You have no blood!

- Did I say circulation?

I meant circuit-ulation.

Please, let me stay.
What is the harm?

- Ah! That's the harm!

Come on,
we need to get back inside

and steer away
from these asteroids.

[grunting]

[yelps]
- Oh, no.

- [screams]

- Hang on, Lisa.
I've got you.

- [screams]
Whoa!

Oh, thanks, Super Todd.

[screams]
Let's move!

[groans]

Now, to program the steering

to move the ship away
from the asteroid shower.

[engines whirring]

- Wrong way.

You just steered us deeper
into the asteroid shower.

- [screams]
Focus, Loud.

What is wrong with you?

[alarm blares]

[gasps]

[screams]
We've lost steering.

I have no control of the ship.

[screams]

We're gonna need some help

getting out
of this predicament.

Time to call in a favor
from my friends at NASA.

- You've reached NASA.

If you're on Earth, press .

On the Moon, press .

Floating helplessly in space,
press .

Your expected wait time
is . Earth years.

- [groans]
Forget NASA.

There's still one call
I can make.

[groans]

[cell phone rings, buzzes]

- [snores]

[gasps]
Hey, Lisa. How was your nap?

- Well, I didn't take a nap.

I need your help.
Leni, get over to the bunker.

- Well, I am not happy
that you skipped your nap,

but of course I'll help you
fly your space thingy.

Okay, I'm at your bunker.

- All right, listen carefully.
The password is--

- Your birthday.
Everyone knows.

- [groans]
Enter it and duck.

- I entered the code,
but I don't have a duck.

Whoa!

- Yeah, I was warning you

about the booby trap
I had Luan install.

- [gasps]
- Oh, no. What's wrong?

Is the control panel offline?

- No, it's your décor.
You call this a color palette?

- Leni, that is not important.

Look, I promise
I'll let you redecorate

if you focus
on getting control of the ship.

Now, go to the keyboard
and enter this code:

- - - - - - - - - .

- Uh...
- Not now, Todd!

- [gasps]
On it.

[keypad beeping]

[engines whir]

- Leni, you entered the code
for warp speed!

[both scream]

- There goes Venus.

- [screams]
- There goes Mercury.

- Leni, I need you to look to
the left side of the console.

- Your left or my left?
- It's the same left!

See that red button?
Press it.

[tires screech]

- Oh, phew.
That was a close one.

Leni, your mistake
almost destroyed this ship

as well as Todd and myself.

- Actually, Lisa,
it was your mistake.

The code for regaining
control of the ship

ends with an eight,
not a nine.

You gave Leni the wrong code.

- No, I didn't.
Oh, wait. Did I?

Oh, my stars.

I honestly don't know
what is wrong with me today.

[gasps]

Great glowing orbs,
that's the Sun!

And we seem to be caught
in its gravitational pull.

Without steering, the ship will
crash into the sun and melt.

- I don't think SPF million
is going to be enough.

- Oh, I'm sorry, Todd.
This is all my fault.

I've been making
silly mistakes all day.

If I were on my game,
we wouldn't be in this mess.

- [gasps]

Lisa, I know
what's really going on.

You've been messing up

because you haven't had
your snack

or your nap.

- [scoffs]
That's preposterous.

Besides,
even if you were right,

what could I do
about it up here?

It's not like
I have a snack handy.

- Look in your backpack.

- Apple slices
and carrot sticks?

How did you--
- It's a babysitter thing.

Now, eat up.

- [crunches]

Well, I do feel a bit better,
but my brain is still foggy.

Mm, probably
from missing my nap.

- Well, there's no time
for that,

so let's do this
to get you focused.

Shake the willies out.

- [sighs]

[groans]
It's too hot for this.

[upbeat synth music]

Hey, I think
this is actually working.

[laughs]
Whoo-hoo!

- This feels great.

- Yeah, that's it, Lisa.
You'll be focused in no time.

♪ ♪

- I must admit,
that was rejuvenating.

- Darn, I thought
it'd make you feel better.

- That is precisely
what I--ugh, never mind.

Thank you, Leni.
Now that I'm focused,

I'm going to try and fix
the steering because--

[gasps]
We are flying

directly into the sun!

[breathing heavily]

- Ooh, I love
your shiny toolbox, Lis.

[drill whirring,
hammer banging]

[beeping]

- [sighs]
Success!

Now we just need to break free
of this gravitational pull.

Buckle up, Todd,
and lean forward.

We're gonna need
all the forward momentum

we can get.

[groans]

[engines whirring]

It's too strong!
[both scream]

It's not working!

- Ooh, how about a boost?

- - - - - - - - - .

[engines whirring]

- Here we go!

- Yay! Yay!

- Warp speed.
Great thinking, Leni.

See you in a few minutes.

- Oh, whoa. That was quick.

[heroic music]

- I feel like
an overheated toaster.

- [squeals]

- Oh, I owe you
an apology, Leni.

If I had listened to you
from the start,

none of this
would have happened.

You really saved
my salt-cured pork product,

street name, bacon.

- That's what babysitters
and big sisters are for.

I told you,
I've been looking out for you

since you were born,
and I always will.

- Oh, ding-dang space pollen
in my eye.

Anyway, from now on,
I'll listen to you more often.

In fact, if you have
any suggestions on how to relax

after such
an overstimulating day,

I'm all ears.

- [squeals]
- [yelps]

- Fashion accessory puzzles
are the perfect way to unwind.

- I couldn't agree more.
- Care to join us, Todd?

- Not yet.

Still cooling down
from the Sun's radiation.

Ah. That ice hits the spot.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Previously
on a previous recap

of a previous "Dream Boat"...

- Do you suffer
from an excess of gas?

- Big Papa, I won't let them
take our trout farm!

- Why, hello, Royal Woods.

I'm Dana Dufresne.

You might remember me as host

from last year's Little Miss
Oyster Mushroom Pageant.

[door slams]
- Ah!

- [yelps]
- What's going on?

My pageant senses are tingling.

- [groans]
- Shh.

- We're taking entries
right now

for the Little Miss
Mothers and Daughters Pageant.

And in honor of the event,

I'll be hosting with my mom,
Didi Dufresne,

Little Miss Yoyo .

Way to walk the dog, Mama.

So hurry and enter.
Registration ends soon.

- Lola, you gonna enter
with Mom?

- [scoffs]
Yeah, if I want to lose.

- What do you mean, dude?

- Nothing like having
to wrestle another mom

in the produce section
over the last carton of eggs,

but I took her down.

[laughs]

- See?
Hot mess express.

Mom is not pageant material,

and Lola Loud has
a reputation to maintain.

Lucky for me, Mom would never
even want to do a pageant.

[humming]

- Eh, I guess she doesn't know.

- My hot gossip senses
are tingling.

Spill it!

- Mom has really been

into mother-kid activities
these days.

She insisted on jamming
on tambourine

during the Moon Goats'
last gig.

- And she insisted on playing

David Steele's mom
in my latest film.

The two-hour
homework scene she added

really slowed down the action.

- [groans]

As long as you two
keep your mouths shut,

Mom won't find out
about the pageant.

- Bro, she's a lot today.

- The entry window for
the pageant is about to close,

and Mom never found out.

This victory tea
is going to taste

especially yummy today.

- O-M-gosh, Mom.

Are you and Lola gonna
enter this pageant?

- Lola, sweetie, look what
Leni just found online.

- I specifically told you

to destroy the internet,
Eunice.

- It's a mother-daughter
pageant.

We should enter.
Wouldn't that be fun?

- Wow, just oodles of fun,
I'm sure,

but aww,
I bet it's too late to enter.

- Aww.
- Oolong tea, anyone?

- It says there's still
two minutes left.

[gasps]
Come on, Mom.

I'll help you register
on your computer.

- Oh, Leni,
how could I ever repay you?

- Not necessary.
Giving is my brand.

- [sighs]

Well, if I have to do
that pageant with Mom,

I can at least
make sure we win.

I have a rep to protect.

[whistle blows]

Welcome to the Lola Loud
Pageant Boot Camp.

We've got a lot
of fabulousness to cover.

- Ooh, sounds fun.

- Then I'm not
explaining it right!

First up, pageant strut.

We need to be in perfect sync,

so that's why
we must always remember

F-P-W-S-G-B-C.

Form, posture, wave, smile,
grace, balance, confidence.

Easy.
Now, let's see what you got.

[upbeat music playing]

- [groaning]

Sorry, my trick knee.

I should not have jumped
out of that plane

for Lincoln's movie.

[whistle blows]

- Stretch it out
and try it again.

[whistle blows]
Watch that posture.

[back cracks]

[whistle blows]
Sell that wave.

[whistle blows]
Let's see some grace.

More teeth, less gums.

- [groans]

Sorry!

[whistle blows]

- Okay, now watch carefully.

Back, front, flick, twist,
shimmy, shimmy, turn, flip,

toss, and catch.

Any questions?
- [gasps]

You know
what we could do instead?

The dance we did
for your preschool talent show.

We had so much fun, remember?

[jazzy music playing]
[tap shoes clicking]

- Fun, yes, but that
won't win us the crown!

Now, dance!

Back, front,
back, front, back--

[whip cracks]

- [screams]

[whistle blows]

- [growls]

Yes, Eunice, I am drowning
my sorrows in oolong.

I have no sh*t at winning
the pageant with Mom.

[gasps]

What did you say,
Mr. Sprinkles?

Did you just suggest I dump
my own mother from the pageant?

[gasps]

And then find someone else
to take her place?

I had no idea you were
this devious, Mr. Sprinkles,

but I like it.

- Lola, I had an idea
for our pageant costumes.

[cat growls]
Leopard print jumpsuits.

How fun would that be?

- [sobbing]
- [gasps]

Or we don't have to.

- It's not that.
Well, maybe just a little.

They--I can barely
speak the words, Mother!

They cancelled the pageant!

[sniffles]
A national sash shortage.

Oh, curse you, silk makers!

- Oh, that's too bad.

I was really
looking forward to it.

- Me too.
It just breaks my heart!

[sighs]
You did the right thing, Lola.

I mean, leopard print?
[shudders]

Okay, remember, you two,
we are on the lookout

for a mom replacement who has
that certain something it takes

to win the crown with me.
Any questions?

Yes, Eunice.

I'm not buying you
another mani-pedi.

Stop asking!

[sneaky music]

♪ ♪

Ooh, big hair. On-point makeup.

Liam's Mee-Maw has potential.

[pig squealing]

- Come on, Virginia, honey.
Bath time.

[pig squealing]

But we still gotta scrub

behind those cute
little piggy ears.

- Ugh, I think not.

Ooh, such grace.

[groans]

[light music]

Eunice, look at that form.

- Ooh, my hip!

- [groans]

I'm never gonna find
a fake mom.

What am I going to do?

It's not like a replacement
is gonna just walk

through those doors.

[sighs]

- Won't you join me
in my one-woman show?

I'll be dancing up a storm.

[tires squeal]
- [gasps]

[upbeat jazz music]

- Ah.
[humming]

crowd: Ooh.

- Ah-ha.
- Such fancy footwork.

- Why, thank you,
my dear child.

- Any chance
you'd be interested

in the acting role
of a lifetime?

- Uh, would Hamlet
be interested

in revenge against Claudius?

[laughs]

The answer to both
is a resounding yes.

Yes! What's the part?

- I need someone
to pretend to be my mom

in a mother-daughter pageant.

I'd use my own, but she's,
uh, suddenly unavailable.

- [gasps]
A maternal role?

That has the potential
for some raw emotion.

I'll do it.
- Wonderful!

The pageant's tomorrow,
so rehearsals start now.

Eunice, Sprinkles,
make room for our new mommy.

[bright music]

♪ ♪

- Welcome to the Little Miss
Mothers and Daughters Pageant.

[cheers and applause]

- We are going
to slay this pageant.

[chuckles]

Look at all those
other girls and their moms.

It's like they're not
even trying to win.

[laughs]

[laughter]

Hey, Lindsay. Claudette.
Why is everybody so calm?

Usually these pageant girls
are out for blood.

[both laugh]

- Oh, funny, sweet,
completely oblivious Lola.

This is a mother-daughter
pageant, sweetie.

We all know
it's not about winning.

- Oui, it's just about
spending time with our mamans.

Oh, what fun we are having.

I wouldn't trade it for any
crown or sash or scepter or--

- Yeah, I get it, Claudette.

What have I done?

Mom just wanted
to have fun with me,

and I went and dumped her.

Am I the worst daughter ever?

You didn't have to answer
so fast, Eunice,

but you're right.

And the worst part is,

I'm missing out
on doing this with my mom.

- Sweet child, I overheard
your heart-wrenching plight.

I'll happily bow out
so your mother can join you.

- That's sweet, but I know

Mom is gonna be really hurt
when I tell her I fibbed.

She won't want
to do the pageant with me.

- Thou shalt never know
unless thou triest.

- You're right.
Thank you, Mrs. B!

[dramatic music]

Mom!

I fibbed!

The pageant wasn't cancelled.

I only said that
to make you drop out.

I was worried you'd ruin
my chances of winning.

- That's very disappointing,
sweetie.

I wish you'd been honest
with me.

- I know. I'm sorry.

And I was wrong
to do it anyway.

All I want is to have you back
as my pageant partner

so we can have fun together.

What do you say?

- I don't think
I can do it, Lola.

- [gasps]
- Unless you hurry up

and find us something to wear.

- Aww! Thanks, Mom.

[bright jazz music]

[both grunting]
[tap shoes clicking]

- Shimmy, shimmy,
shimmy, shimmy, back.

- Ooh.

[both laugh]

all: Aww.

- Well, sweetie,
I hope you're not too upset

about us not winning.

- [chuckles]
No way!

Having fun with you
was better than any crown.

- Oh, good,
because I already ordered

those matching
leopard print jumpsuits.

[cat growls]

- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way
we show our love ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪

- ♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line
to take a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy ♪

♪ Chaos with kids ♪

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
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