02x10 - Martha Puts Out the Lights: Parts One & Two

[bunniefuu]

MAN:
* Martha was an average dog

* She went... and... and...
(barking, growls)

* When she ate
some alphabet soup *

* Then what happened
was bizarre... *

On the way to Martha's stomach,
the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain,
and now...

* She's got a lot to say

* Now she speaks...

How now, brown cow?

* Martha speaks

* Yeah, she speaks
and speaks and speaks *

* And speaks and speaks...

What's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

* Martha speaks...

Hey, Joe, what do you know?

My name's not Joe.

* She's not always right, but
still that Martha speaks... *

Hi, there.

* She's got the voice,
she's ready to shout *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* Sometimes wrong,
but seldom in doubt *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* That dog's unique...

Testing, one, two.

* Hear her speak

* Martha speaks and speaks
and speaks and speaks and... *

* Communicates, enumerates,
elucidates, exaggerates *

* Indicates and explicates

* Bloviates and overstates
and... *

(panting)

* Hyperventilates!

* Martha-- to reiterate--
Martha speaks. *

(sniffing)

Mm-hmm.

MARTHA:
Drat.

Banned.

Oh, hey!

Today we're bringing you words
like "ban" and "petition,"

"cause" and "goal,"
"unite" and "majority."

Listen for them, and I'll see
you at the end of the show.

(school bell rings)

(cheering)

So what's your
favorite thing
about summer?

No school.

No school and
ice cream.

No school, ice cream,
and swimming.

Don't forget about mosquitoes.

KIDS:
Huh? What?

And sunburn.

And having your mom make
you go out and play

when you're in the middle
of a book.

And barbecues!

And rolling around in
the fresh, green grass.

And every
Saturday night...

fireworks!

(frightened gasp)

(murmurs):
Fireworks?

(fireworks explode loudly)

(whimpers)

(whimpering)

HELEN:
Martha, come on!

They start
next Saturday.

I can't decide whether
I should go or stay home

and invent a
time machine.

You think
it'll work?

It didn't last year.

Or the year before.

Yeah, but if it does, I can
go back in time and...

fireworks every night!

(imitating explosions)

Don't you guys think fireworks
are kind of... scary?

ALL:
Scary? What are you
talking about?

MRS. DEMSON:
Sign a petition
to ban swimming!

Sign a petition
to ban ice cream!

Sign a petition to...

Ban swimming?

Splashing, laughing--
it's deafening.

Ban ice cream?

What's wrong
with ice cream?

Too cold,
gives me headaches.

Sign a petition...

Luckily no one ever signs
Mrs. Demson's petitions.

What's a petition?

A petition is a
letter people sign

asking the people in
charge to do something.

And when you
write a petition,

you have to get lots
of people to sign it

because that shows
lots of people care
about the problem.

If only Mrs. Demson had a
petition to ban mosquitoes,

I'd sign that.

Yeah.

MRS. DEMSON:
Sign a petition
to ban fireworks!

That's right, I said
ban fireworks.

Ban 'em!

(knock on door)

Hello, Mary Ellen.

Mariella.

No, the name is
Eula, dear.

Mrs. Eula Demson.

Now, I have some petitions
that you and Mr. Ellen

might be interested
in signing.

That's okay, Mrs. Demson,

we're not interested
in banning anything.

Not even those awful
Saturday night fireworks?

MOM:
Oh, but we like fireworks.

MRS. DEMSON:
You like fireworks?

MOM:
Oh, yes, the children
look forward all year

to summer fireworks.

(Martha whimpers, Skits barks)

(Jake coos)

When the air is filled
with cheers and laughter,

don't come crying to me!

Why would anyone want
to ban fireworks?

Well, they are kind of...

Fie-ooks!

(whimpers, barks)

MOM:
That's right, Jake--
fireworks.

So, um, is banning like
stopping something?

Yes, it means something
is made illegal.

Illegal?

Illegal means something
is against the law.

If something is illegal,
you aren't supposed to do it.

So if fireworks
became illegal,

they could never have
a fireworks show
in the park again.

No fireworks ever again?

It would be awfully sad,
wouldn't it?

Uh...

Sign a petition to ban baseball!

MARTHA:
Excuse me, do you still have
that fireworks petition?

Why, yes, I do!

Though, pardon me, dear,

but could I just ask where
exactly you are?

MARTHA:
Down here.

(screams)

Can dogs sign it?

Certainly not!

But no people are signing
and we dogs agree with you--

fireworks are way too loud
and scary.

(barking in agreement)

Is this the city dog pound?

(barking)

Sign a petition
to ban barking dogs!

(panting):
I'm sorry,
guys, I tried,

but she just doesn't
want our help.

And anyway, maybe
people are right

and fireworks aren't
that scar...

(barking)

You're right, what am I saying?

Fireworks are terrifying!

Maybe there's another way.

Sign a petition to ban
chewing gum!

(coughs)

Excuse me,

could we sign your
fireworks petition?

What? You want to sign?

Why, of course!

Now, I hope you're signing that

because you really hate
fireworks

and not just to be nice
to a sweet little old lady.

Actually it's
because of her.

The dog convinced you?

BOTH:
Mm-hmm.

Can we sign your
fireworks petition?

So, we did pretty
good today, huh?

We?

Well, I did get us
signatures.

How hard was that?

(baby talk):
"I'm a cute wittle talking dog!

Please do whatever I ask!"

It's not like
you (grunts)

made the petitions
and (huffs)

spent the money to print
them up and (grunts)

stood out in the heat
for days on end.

I don't understand.

Don't you want the signatures?

What I want is some help
with this load.

Oh, sure, allow me.

Now I'll admit you
have a point--

whether it was because those
people were dog maniacs or not,

they did sign
the petition.

Come on,
hurry it up!

So, I'll make a deal with you.

Help me get a thousand people

to sign the fireworks
petition and...

MARTHA:
And?

And no more fireworks!

What do you want, a medal?

Now mush!
Keep moving!

DAD:
Okay, guys, dinner time!

(barks)

(sighs)

Hey, Martha, where
were you today?

TD and I were looking all over
for you.

Oh, just out talking to folks.

We're playing a baseball game
in the park tomorrow.

Want to come?

Uh, I've got some things to do.

Things to do?

Well, a dog isn't just there
to do whatever people want

all the time.

She does have causes of her own
once in a while.

Causes?

Yes, a cause is something
you care about so much

you go and do something
about it.

I know what a cause is.

But what causes do dogs have?

I mean, it's not like you're
Mrs. Demson

with all her petitions, are you?

(giggles)

Ah, I have to say, Magda,
this is working well.

Who's Magda?

You are.

Uh-uh, I'm Martha.

Oh, don't change it.

Magda is such a lovely name.

And don't slobber
on the petitions!

And I was getting all sorts
of ideas last night.

What do you think
about picketing?

(muffled):
What's picketing?

Picketing is when you walk
around with signs

saying what your cause is.

You do it to stop people
from doing something

you just know is wrong

like going to see fireworks.

I'm a little weak
to carry a picket sign...

(coughs)

but what with you
being a pack animal...

I can't picket--
I don't have hands.

All right, if you're going
to be difficult.

Here's another idea that
I'm sure you'll go for.

It's a tutu!

(muffled):
A who-who?

I'll show you.

People love a
dog in a tutu.

* I'm a little dancing poodle,
begging for some treats *

Uh-uh.

I'm telling you...

No.

Oh, well, then just
get out there

and do what you did
yesterday, I suppose.

(Helen giggles)

You're not going to get any
signatures under there.

This tutu isn't for me,
it's for Magda.

Who's Magda?

Magda's my assistant.

She's under
the table.

(worried gasp)

Hmm, no one here.

Magda, what are you
doing, you hairy menace?

Hairy menace?

I'm glad I'm not
her assistant.

Magda!
Magda!

(sighs in relief)

There you are.

Come on, time
to get to work.

*

MRS. DEMSON:
My, my, my!

Soon the skies above
Wagstaff City will be

dark and silent.

Hallelujah!

All we need is one more
signature to reach our goal.

(grunts)

Goal?

You mean like in soccer?

Not that kind of goal,
you big silly.

A goal is what you're trying
to get done.

For instance, our goal is
to end fireworks for good.

(gasping):
And you say we only need
one more signature

to reach our goal?

That's right,
you little Dickens.

Uh, uh, uh--

no dogs in the yard.

But there's no one left to sign.

We've been in the park all week
and talked to everybody there.

We've been to every
house in the neighborhood.

Not every house.

(lawnmower humming)

No, we can't go
to that one.

Wait a minute, what if
I signed the petition?

I mean, I can talk,
after all.

Maybe we could ask if
they'd accept my paw print.

Honey, that ain't
how it works.

You got to
be human.

Well, maybe
I can be.

MARTHA (in elderly voice):
And I'd like to sign
the petition,

but my arthritis...

I just can't
hold the pen.

Could Mrs. Demson
sign my name for me?

I guess that would be okay.

We did it!

Hooray!

(laughing and cheering)

(laughing)

Okay, good-bye.

Good-bye.

HELEN:
The fireworks...

are cancelled?

Our summer
is ruined.

Who would do
such a thing?

Mrs. Demson,
that's who.

But she couldn't even
get one signature
by herself.

She had to
have help.

Magda!

That's right.

She said Magda helped her
get them all.

Yeah, but
who's Magda?

Hey, everyone,
what's up?

Nothing, except
summer's ruined.

By someone
named Magda.

Wait till I find out
who that is.

(gulps hard)

Dogs on strike!
Dogs on strike!

Oh, hey, guys.

We're protesting.

What's protesting?

Protesting is when
you go out in public

and say you disagree
with something.

And we're protesting
these scenes:

We protest!

Dogs are not scaredy-cats.

Sure, we admit we're
scared of fireworks,

but we do not run away
whimpering and crying

and hiding behind chairs
and things.

Right, guys?

(barking)

Dogs on strike!
Dogs on strike!

Dogs on...

(loud crash)

(dogs whimpering, crying)

(laughing sheepishly):
Nobody's perfect.

Hola, TD.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

¿Qué pasa?
Is something wrong?

To protest the ban on fireworks,
we refuse to look at the sky.

Yeah.

We're going to spend this
entire summer facing dirt.

Or cement.

And what's el propósito,

the purpose of doing that?

Purpose?

Your purpose is la razón,

the reason you do something.

What is our purpose?

Why are we doing this?

We can figure it out

during the time we would've
been watching fireworks.

Ooh, a bug.

That could be our purpose!

A bug?

No. Our purpose
could be

to see things down there

that we missed because we
were too busy having fun.

Nice welcome mat.

If you don't look up,

you'll miss a cloud shaped
like a panther

eating a plate
of garbanzo beans.

Where?
Don't look.

Seeing the sky will
only remind you.

No fireworks.

(TD and Helen sigh)

It's hard to believe
Mrs. Demson could get

so many people
to sign her petition.

She's not very friendly.

Someone who is friendly
must have helped.

Right. Her assistant.

That Magda girl, whoever she is.

All we know is she's small
enough to fit under a table.

And she's hairy.

Small and hairy.

Why does that
sound familiar?

(doorbell rings)

Agh! I mean,

Mrs. Demson, hi.

(ringing doorbell)

I'm here. You don't have

to ring the doorbell
anymore.

(screeching):
Do you hear that?

(loudly):
Yes, I do.

Annoying, isn't it?

A doorbell should be pleasant
and make a person feel welcome.

This doorbell makes
my brain want to leap

right out of my head,
run home and hide in a boot.

Did you stop by just to tell me
about my doorbell?

No, that was just
a neighborly suggestion.

I stopped by
to drop off a reward

for your sweet dog, Marla.

Martha?

You changed her name?

No.

Maybe you should, hmm?

Think about it.

I'll give this to Martha
when she gets home.

Oh, look at that sky,
so empty and lifeless.

The only thing that
could make me happier

was if it rained all summer.

(chuckling)
(slams door)

Why would she leave
a gift for Marla?

Uh... Martha.

No reason, unless...

Oh, no.

You don't think...?

Magda...

Is Marla!

Martha.

Martha, right.

We're back with clean coats
and trimmed nails.

(barking)

Clean for three and a half
minutes.

(sighs)

That's a new record.

What's that?

It came for you, Magda.

Wow!

A bone for...

Yuh-oh.

It's from Mrs. Demson.

Is it true you posed
as Magda, alias Marla,

to help Mrs. Demson?

I didn't say my name was Magda.

She just called me that.

But you admit you supported
her petitioning efforts?

He means, did you help
her get signatures?

Signatures?

When you sign something,
you put your signature on it.

That means you write
your own name on it.

Yes, I did help her get enough
signatures to ban the fireworks.

(both gasp)
!
Why?

I tried to tell you fireworks
are scary to dogs,

but you wouldn't listen.

Is this true?

Yeah, I guess.

But I didn't know
it would lead to this.

I'm not blaming you, Helen,
but if a girl's dog talks,

I think
she should listen.

But you didn't
listen either.

She's not my dog.

This whole summer's
going to be

like the time my head got caught
in the breadbox--

dark and quiet.

How did you get your head
caught in a breadbox?

I was trying to lick a crumb

to see if it was a raisin
or chocolate.

And it was just crust.

I wasn't trying to make
anyone unhappy, Helen.

I just didn't want
to be scared anymore.

I didn't realize
you were so scared.

Don't worry.

We'll figure out some
way to make it better.

There is no way
to make this better.

I know!

What if we wrote
a new petition

that fixed what Mrs. Demson's
petition wrecked?

Helen's right!
We must unite!

Sorry.

Did I say "unite"?

Sort of.

"Unite" means we work together
as a group.

First, as a group, could we
please sit up straight?

I'm getting tired of looking
at the top of your heads.

Okay, this new petition bans
anything that bans fun.

That means
Mrs. Demson's petition
would be banned.

Where do I sign?

Okay, TD.

Put your signature under mine.

And Helen, you put
your signature under his.

Wait, this isn't right.

What's wrong with it?

It's not a petition.

It's just your names on
a blank piece of paper.

A petition needs to say
what its purpose is.

It needs to say why you want
people to support it.

Picky, picky.

Okay, I'll write down
the purpose of the petition.

"We hereby ban anything
that bans fun."

Oh!
Add, "Fun lovers unite."

Nice!

Yeah! Fun lovers unite!

ALICE:
Hey, Martha!

Alice, TD-- did Helen
tell you I'm sorry?

I didn't know how unhappy
that petition would make you.

Don't worry.

We're going to fix it
with our own petition.

Where's Truman?

Hi! We're playing fetch.

Why is he doing the fetching?

He says it's fun.

I don't want to wreck
anyone's fun anymore.

Truman, come sign
our petition!

It says, "We hereby ban
anything that bans fun."

And, "Fun lovers unite!"

I can't support that.

It would ban Martha.

Huh?

It doesn't even mention Martha.

"Anything that bans fun."

She banned fireworks,
which are fun.

He's right.

Sorry, Martha.

We accidentally banned you.

(gasps)

I would never sign
a Martha ban!

Well, you did.

We all did.

Not everybody.

Truman didn't,
so it doesn't count.

Oh, it counts.

The majority rules, Helen.

Alice is right.

The majority is the group
with the most people in it.

There are four of us.

Three people signed it
and one didn't.

That makes us the majority.

And we rule.

Dang it.

MARTHA:
Helen?

Am I banned?

Let's rip it up
and start over.

No! Stop!

This is official!

HELEN:
Give it back!

ALICE:
Never!

Oh, no!

What is it?

Your petition bans anything
that bans fun, right?

Yeah, so?

Martha is fun.

You just banned her.

Therefore...

We...?

Banned...?

Ourselves?

We need a new petition.

Let's write one
we can all support.

Yeah.
Even if it takes all summer.

TD:
Yeah! Fun lovers unite!

Is that a fun way to spend
all summer?

Wouldn't you rather play?

(sighs)

There's going to be no fun
this summer.

If only I'd never signed
that petition.

There's no need to thank me
for the bone.

You deserve it, Marla.

Martha.

I can't accept this.

I want you to take my signature
off your petition.

You can't do that.

Nice catch.

That ban will ruin
everyone's summer.

No one will have any fun.

Oh, they'll get used to having
no fireworks.

But they're going to spend all
summer writing new petitions

to undo what yours did.

What?!
We can't let them do that.

Exactly!

What can we do?

For every petition they write,
I'll write two!

No!

I mean,

that won't be any fun
for you, will it?

No time for fun.

This is going to be
the summer of petitions.

(groans)

I'm not helping.

You guys look so miserable.

We're arguing about the first
thing on our petition.

It says, "We hereby agree
to find a place to go

"for those who are
scared of fireworks

so they won't hear them."

That's a great idea!

I think it should say, "They
must find their own place to go.

It's their problem."

And I think it should say,
"Fun lovers unite!"

That's enough.

It may take weeks to get
something we can all support.

I like Helen's.
I'd sign that.

Thank you, Martha, but dogs
can't sign petitions.

Hey. That's it!

MARTHA:
Excuse me.

You're the mayor and
assistant mayor, aren't you?

I am the last one who signed
that petition to ban fireworks.

Remember me?

We were just about to sign
the ban into law.

MARTHA:
Before you do...

That's the hairiest lady
I've ever seen!

I'm a dog,
and dogs can't sign petitions,

so you no longer have
a majority.

That petition isn't official.

Yay!

You did it!

You saved summer.

(fireworks exploding)

It was nice of Martha to get
the fireworks back.

I'd say the majority
of people enjoy them.

You sure she's okay?

She was really scared of them.

Don't worry.

Everybody is happy.

(fireworks exploding loudly)

(dance music playing)

The fireworks can't bother
anybody down here

because the basement is
practically soundproof.

(laughing)

Yeah! This was a great
compromise, Martha!

It was Helen's idea.

MRS. DEMSON:
You call this
soundproof?

I hear everything.

This music is so loud.

Don't you have any Tony Bennett?

Oh, this punch is watery.

PARROT:
Punch is watery!

Whose bird is that?

My knees hurt.

My knees hurt!

MRS. DEMSON:
Why do shoes have
to be so stiff?

(bird repeating)

Whose idea was it to make ice
with hard edges, anyway?!

Where did everything go?

I passed a bill that says

everything in this space is
prohibited.

"Prohibited" means not allowed.

Everything is prohibited?

Yes.

Everything includes dogs.

Dogs are prohibited,
so you have to go.

I don't know why I didn't think
of this before.

"Everything prohibited."

Music to my ears!

If everything
is prohibited,

then that
"not allowed" symbol

should be prohibited, right?

You're right.

And you, too.

You're prohibited
from being here.

Rats!

It's always something!

Did you catch the words
about bans and petitions?

Let's see some of them again.

The majority is the group
with the most people in it.

Protesting is when you go out
in public

and say you disagree
with something.

Your purpose is la razón--
the reason you do something.

Picketing is when you walk
around with signs

saying what your cause is.

Bye!

See you next time.

You can't ban me!

I think he just did.

To dig up some more fun words
and games, visit pbski
* Who's that dog? *

* Who's
that dog? *

* Dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. *

That dog is Bert.

We're at Children's Hospital
Boston.

He's not a doctor.

Bert is a volunteer with the
volunteer services department,

the Pawprints program.

BOY:
My name is Bert.

I love to walk on the beach
and go swimming.

Bert is in the hospital because
he's a friend.

MAN:
I think it makes them feel
for a little bit

like they're not
in the hospital

and they can take their mind
off things.

Bye, Bert.

MAN:
He enjoys coming to see the kids
because he gets to be petted

by a lot of children.

That's the spot he likes--
look at his leg.

(laughs)

Bye, Bert!

* Hey! Ho! Where did you go?

BOY:
I also enjoy treats.

MAN:
He gets to have
little doggie treats

when we get back to the office.

* He's that dog... *
* Dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. *