02x18 - Truman's Mad / Dog for a Day

[bunniefuu]

MAN:
* Martha was an average dog

* She went... and... and...
(barking, growls)

* When she ate
some alphabet soup *

* Then what happened
was bizarre... *

On the way to Martha's stomach,
the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain,
and now...

* She's got a lot to say

* Now she speaks...

How now, brown cow?

* Martha speaks

* Yeah, she speaks
and speaks and speaks *

* And speaks and speaks...

What's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

* Martha speaks...

Hey, Joe, what do you know?

My name's not Joe.

* She's not always right, but
still that Martha speaks... *

Hi, there.

* She's got the voice,
she's ready to shout *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* Sometimes wrong,
but seldom in doubt *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* That dog's unique...

Testing, one, two.

* Hear her speak

* Martha speaks and speaks
and speaks and speaks and... *

* Communicates, enumerates,
elucidates, exaggerates *

* Indicates and explicates

* Bloviates and overstates
and... *

(panting)

* Hyperventilates!

* Martha-- to reiterate--
Martha speaks. *

Hi! We've got a great show
for you today... Truman?

Oh, hi, Martha.

(monster growling behind door)

Nothing to worry about.

Today's show is full of words

that have to do with science--

words like "hypothesis,"
"theory,"

"experiment" and "conclusion."

What's going on here?

Monster?

Who said monster?

(loud groan, Truman screams)

I'll be in here.

Listen for all the science words

and we'll see you at the end
of the show.

We'll be in here!

(electricity crackles)

(laughing evilly)

I've seen this.

The giant robot pig eats
the scientist's notes.

Bad robopig!

Bad!

TV ANNOUNCER:
How would you like to
explore science at home?

"Explore" means you study
something carefully

to find out all about it.

And with Weaselcorp's
Junior Scientist Kit,

you can really explore.

Awesome!

TV ANNOUNCER:
It's guaranteed to turn any kid

into a real scientist!

The most extreme science kit
in the history of ever!

I cured the common cold.

Thanks, Weaselcorp.

TV ANNOUNCER:
Weaselcorp's Junior
Scientist Kit!

Will not cure the common cold,
necessary parts sold
separately.

I've got to get that kit!

(thunderclaps)

(Truman laughs evilly)

It's alive!

(laughs evilly)

Uh, I'm just practicing for
when my Junior Scientist Kit

comes in the mail.

Well, it's past your bedtime.

You'll have to
practice tomorrow.

I've been waiting
for three whole days.

How much longer is it
going to take?

Get some sleep.

If it shows up tomorrow, you'll
want to be nice and rested,

right?

It better come tomorrow.

Science waits for no man,
you know!

(lightning strikes)

TRUMAN:
Um... night light?

TRUMAN'S MOM:
Sorry.

Maybe I'll use my kit to analyze
what hot dogs are made of.

Or I can explore ways
to keep my hair from growing

so I don't have
to get haircuts.

(beeping)

Oatmeal's ready.

Eat up. You don't want
to be late for school.

Can't I just wait
until the mailman comes?

The mailman doesn't come
until after school starts.

How about this:
I wait for the kit.

It comes; the first experiment
I do is build a time machine.

I get into the time machine, go
back to now, and go to school.

Can I do that?

Truman, you're going to school.

(sighs)

What's wrong?

This oatmeal is watery.

I like my oatmeal gloppy.

Hmm, I wonder...

(laughs evilly)

And now, the final ingredient.

I, Dr. Trumanstein,
will analyze the effects

of this chemical on oatmeal
and raisins.

By "analyze" I mean I'm going
to carefully study it

to see what happens.

If my theory is correct, this
chemical will not only cause

the oatmeal to thicken,
but it will also cause

the raisins to grow.

Just as I predicted!

Now to record my findings.

(growling)

Uh...

This was not part of my theory.

Better make a note.

(screams)

I was just testing a theory!

(grunts inquisitively)

A theory is when you have
an idea about something

but you're not sure whether
it's right or wrong.

My theory was that the raisins
would get bigger

when I added the chemical,

not that I'd create
a giant oatmeal creature.

See? You can read
my notes.

(growls)

(roaring)

(screams)

Take that!

TRUMAN:
And that! And that!

Truman!

I must have used too much
mutagen in the formula.

Whoa.
What just went by?

I think it
was Truman.

HELEN:
Hey, Truman.

Want to
come over?

No, thanks.

Okay. See you later.

My science kit!

Is it here?
Is it here?

This is all
I've got.

Why is the mail always
so full of... mail?

I couldn't concentrate
in school at all today.

All I could think about
was my science kit.

Not that again.

It's going to come,
Truman.

But I've been waiting
four whole days.

Do you know what it's like
to wait for something

you want so badly you can't stop
thinking about it?

I do.

Like dinner, for one.

Speaking of which,
when's dinner?

Later, Martha.

(sighs):
Dinner.

I know how you feel.

I remember I had
to wait forever

for the rocks in my rock
tumbler to finally get smooth.

How long did it take?

Just a week.

A week?!

How could you stand it?

I guess I tried to think
about other things

to take my mind off it.

But in the end,
it was worth it.

Oh, I do that too.

For example, to take
my mind off dinner,

now I'm thinking
about breakfast.

By the way,
when is breakfast?

Tomorrow.

This is different.

The longer you wait for rocks
to come out of the tumbler,

the better they get.

Things don't get
better in the mail.

All that happens is that
you get older waiting for it.

Wait! That's it!

I know what my first
invention will be!

It'll be perfect.

I hope my findings
about molecular rearrangement

are correct.

Whoa!

Welcome to my lab.

How did I get here?

I transported you

from your living
room to my lab.

Wow! What are you going
to use this for?

The mail, mostly.

The mail?

That's right.

This new invention will
make waiting for the mail

a thing of the past.

Uh, what are you... ow!

I'm analyzing your fur
and taking notes.

Why are you
analyzing my fur?

Because I need to see if the
device had any effect on you.

What do you mean?

You know, an effect.

An effect is a change
that happens

because of something else.

I need to make sure
that the experiment

had no effect on you, Martha.

(stomach rumbling)

I think the only effect it had
is that it made me hungry.

Oh, no problem.

We'll just transport
something from the kitchen.

(growls)

It looks like the machine

had a definite effect
on your oatmeal.

(screaming)

I just have
to figure out what to do

about the giant
oatmeal creature.

Okay...

(Skits barks)

What's wrong?

He's probably just barking
at the mailman.

Mailman?!

(Skits barking)

Why are you chasing me?

I just want to know if my Junior
Scientist Kit has arrived yet.

And we were just
chasing you

because it seemed
like the thing to do.

Here.

It's here!
It's here!

Yeah!

TRUMAN:
You may want
to stand back.

You're in my lab, an extreme
experimentation zone.

Ooh, I wonder what this is.

A magnet?

That's it?

"Experiment number one: explore
the force of magnetism

by using the magnet to move
the iron filings."

That's not very exciting.

I already know
how magnets work.

"Experiment number two: use the
magnet to move the iron filings

through a sheet of paper."

The force of the magnet goes
right through the paper.

Everybody knows that.

I did not know that.

"Experiment number three:

"continue to explore
the force of magnetism

by moving the iron filings"?!

I don't even need
goggles for this.

This is the worst
science kit ever.

Truman, you don't need a kit
to do science experiments.

I know some experiments
you can do with stuff

that's around the house.

You do?

Now, the bottle has a little
vinegar in the bottom

and the balloon has
baking soda in it.

When I tip
the balloon up...

the baking soda reacts
with the vinegar.

It foams up and makes a gas
that fills the balloon.

See?

Wow!

First, I rub the balloon
on my head,

and when I hold it down
near the empty soda can...

The balloon attracts
the can through
static electricity.

Whoa!

I know all this.

I wanted to come up
with my own experiments

and explore
something new.

I guess I'll go back to dreaming
about being a scientist

instead of actually
trying to be one.

I'm sorry, Truman.

But you know you should
never trust advertisements.

(beeping)

Oh, no!

Don't worry, I'll just
add a few minutes.

The magnet must have
interfered with the clock.

I never knew magnets
worked that way.

(beeping)

Hey! It's a little gloppier
than usual.

Do you mind if I do a couple
of experiments this week?

(beeping)

(beeping)

Oatmeal's ready.

(gasps)

We did it! It worked!
Eureka!

Thanks, Mom.

I have to... next door...

I'll be back.

I've figured it out!

Figured out what?

After conducting a series
of experiments

and then analyzing the results,

I've discovered the perfect
length of time

for cooking oatmeal
for perfect gloppiness.

Where are you going?

I've got to go inform
the science journals.

Don't forget
the cooking schools.

Oh, I almost forget.

(laughs evilly)

Why are you laughing?

Uh, that's what
mad scientists do

when their theories turn out
to be correct.

It could be
a little gloppier.

What?
I'm just saying...

I'll eat it.

MARTHA:
I don't mind.

It's for science, right?

My findings show that
"Truman's theory" results

in a perfect bowl of oatmeal.

Are there any questions
about my research

or my findings?

Is this the outcome
you expected?

Of course by "outcome" you mean
how something came out--

the results, or what happened.

When I began my experiments,

I wasn't sure
what the outcome would be.

What would have changed
the outcome?

The outcome changes depending on
how long you cook the oatmeal.

If you cook it for a short time,
the outcome is watery oatmeal.

If you cook it
for a longer time,

the outcome is gloppy oatmeal.

And if we want this situation
to have a good outcome...

run!

(screaming)

Hi, TD.

Hey.

What's the matter?

(glumly):
It's Saturday.

Um, don't you mean...

(joyfully):
It's Saturday!

No, I mean it's Saturday,

which leads to Sunday,

which leads to Monday,

and you know what that means.

Free pineapple topping
at Mario's Pizza?

Nope. School.

The worst word in
the English language.

I always thought the worst word
in the English language

was "No-Dogs-Allowed."

That's three words.

What's so bad about school?

Let me give you some
highlights from this week.

Or in my case, lowlights.

TD:
Monday, everything was
going great.

Until my math homework flew
out the bus window.

Tuesday Alvin Merkel sat
on my lunch.

Wednesday I got locked
in the utility closet

and the janitor had
to let me out.

(kids laughing)

Which Tiffany Blatsky thought
was hilarious.

Thursday, Alvin Merkel...

Sat on your lunch again?

No.

He ran into Billy Taber,

who sat on my lunch.

What about yesterday?

The worst day of all.

I was drawing during
Mrs. Clusky's science class.

MRS. CLUSKY:
When we pour the vinegar

on the baking soda,
the result is...

(fizzing)
This.

(class oohing and ahhing)

Based on the results
of our experiment,

we draw a conclusion.

The conclusion is
what we have found out.

So, what is our conclusion
about what happens

when you mix baking soda
and vinegar? TD?

(stammering):
Um. Toothpaste?

Hmm.

Perhaps you'll be
less distracted

when you present your own
science project.

My own science project?

On Monday.

(groans)

School!

(squirrel chattering)
I wish I never had to go.

(Martha barking)

Why couldn't I have
been born a dog?

Dogs have it easy.

Did I just hear you say,
"Dogs have it easy"?

No school?

No science projects?

Compared to people,
dogs have it super easy.

Hmm. Try being me for a day
and see how easy it is.

Try being me for a day
and see how easy it is!

Okay!

Okay!

Deal!
Deal!

Wait.

What just happened?

(giggling)

You agreed to be
Martha for a day,

and she agreed to be you.

Great!

Wow, suddenly I feel
much better.

Tomorrow, I'm a dog
all day long.

And Monday, I'll be
the newest student

at Wagstaff City
Elementary School.

Hmm, so you think it's easier
being a dog than a person?

I'd say you have a most
unusual hypothesis.

I do?

Is it contagious?

(chuckling):
No.

A hypothesis is just
a guess or idea

about what you think
might happen.

But to find out
if you're right or not,

you must conduct an experiment.

An experiment?

Like with microscopes
and test tubes?

That's one kind
of experiment.

But an experiment can be
any way of testing an idea.

Or hypothesis.

Exactly!

When I was your age,
I had a hypothesis

that I could fuel
a go-cart on root beer.

Did it work?

Mmm, it might have,
if I hadn't gotten so thirsty.

The question is,

what do you need
to change about yourself

in order to become a dog?

Let's compare.

Dogs are warm-blooded.

I'm warm-blooded.

They have fur, or hair.

Check.

They chew on bones.

I enjoy a bone.

Interesting.

Zounds!

Maybe you're
already a dog.

Except...

Except?

Dogs don't draw.

Dogs don't draw?

Uh-uh.

No problem.

I can go a day
without drawing.

So let's review what humans do
and compare that with dogs.

A lot of humans work or,
like TD, they go to school.

(slurps)
I was a substitute teacher once.

Humans eat three meals a day.

I am eager to try this bonus
meal they call lunch.

(chittering)
(barking)

And humans don't chase
squirrels.

Right.

I can go a day
without chasing squirrels.

I'm telling you,
being a human for a day...

BOTH:
This is going to be easy!

Wait! I have it.

Have what?

A tail!

You have a tail?

No, you.

You'll need a tail.

It's the missing element

to complete your conversion
to canine.

Don't worry, I'll invent one
for you.

Don't go anywhere.

I'll just be over here
scratching behind my ears.

With my paw.

(panting)

Ow!

(yawning)

O.G.:
Good morning, TD.

Or should I say,

"Woof, woof-woof, woof woof."

Your experiment?
Dog for a day?

Oh, right!

I almost forgot.

MARTHA:
I didn't!

Just here to observe.

And in other big news
on the canine front,

I'm putting the final touches
on your tail.

Observe.

Which means watch very closely.

By simply pushing
this button here...

(yells)

(chuckling):
Small adjustment necessary.

Anyway, it's time
for your breakfast.

What's this?

Alphabet soup.

Just like Martha eats.

It's either that or dog food.

I guess dogs don't
usually use spoons.

Uh-uh...
Just lean in and lap away.

Great!

Less to clean up.

All done.

Let's see...

What should I do today?

Oh, that's right, I'm a dog,
which means I can do...

whatever I want.

(dogs barking playfully)

(Martha chuckles)

This is great!

I love being a dog.

What else do dogs do
all day long?

Mmm... root through the trash
behind the grocery store?

Maybe later.

What else?

Run after passing cars?

Sounds dangerous.

I know!

I'll go see if some
of my friends can play.

That's something
that dogs do.

I'm sorry, TD.

Helen can't come out
right now.

She's cleaning her room.

I'd like to, but I'm helping
my dad take some newspapers

to the recycling center.

New hypothesis: humans devote
far too much time to chores.

Ready to give up?

Give up?
It proves my point.

People have it harder than dogs.

(thunder)

Ooh. Looks like rain.

No problem.

I'll hang out at the library.

Don't think so.

Why not?

Well, for one thing,

dogs don't
have library cards.

And for another...

Well, you'll see.

TD:
No dogs.

That doesn't seem fair.

Now that you're a dog, TD,
you're going to find out

the one thing that
every canine knows:

it's a human world we live in.

(rain pattering)

Well, human or canine, we have
to get out of the rain.

And we're kind of far
from home.

MARTHA:
Follow me.

So, what do we do now?

Wait it out.

Hope it stops soon.

It's almost lunchtime.

Hate to be the one
to break it to you,

but dogs don't really eat lunch.

Unless you happen to sniff out
something yummy in a trash can.

A trash can?

Ready to admit that
it's harder being a dog?

Just wait till you have
to be a human tomorrow.

Human at school.

I think you'll come to
a very different conclusion.

Now I'm really hungry!

MARTHA:
Uh!

You know dogs don't open
refrigerator doors, right?

Oh. Sure. Right.

No problem.

If you bark, someone may
eventually get annoyed enough

Hungry!
to come
and feed you.

Very hungry!

TD! Just the dog
I was looking for.

This dog could use some dinner.

All ready for you.

Soup again?

Dogs don't have much variety
in their meals.

Soup it is.

(doorbell rings)
Doorbell!

Don't look at me.

I'm just a dog.

Hey, Helen.

(Helen giggles)

How is the great dog-for-a-day
experiment going?

Kind of messy.

But it's a lot easier
than being in school.

O.G.:
Finished!

Observe.

(howling):
Ow!

Huh?

MARTHA:
There's something you don't
see every day.

A human chasing his tail.

MARTHA:
Uh-uh.

What?

I thought maybe you were
about to draw.

No way!

Everyone knows dogs don't draw.

I'll just be over here
scratching behind my ears.

Dogs don't draw.

Dogs don't draw.

Dogs don't draw.

Dogs don't draw.
Dogs don't draw...

You really missed drawing,
didn't you?

Little bit.
Where's Martha?

I don't know.

She wasn't at breakfast.

She's only been
human for an hour

and she's already late.

Not like being a dog,

where you don't have to be
anywhere on time.

(gasps)

Hi, guys!

Martha! You're here.

She knew the capital
of South Dakota.

How did she do that?

Well, Martha's pretty smart.

Maybe my hypothesis
was wrong.

It's a lot easier
for Martha to be a human

than it was
for me to be a dog.

Well, don't jump
to any conclusions.

The experiment
isn't over yet.

Maybe not.

But I can already
see the results.

I have to return some
books to the library.

I'll catch up later.

MARTHA:
Mmm, mmm...

Ahh...

People have come up with
some pretty great inventions.

I've got to say
the best invention ever

has got to be lunch.

(sighs)

The results are not good.

Oh, that's okay.

I'll eat 'em.

Results aren't food.

A result is what happens
when you do something.

Oh, like as a result
of eating lunch, I'm happy.

Yeah.

And the results of
this experiment show

that you were right.

I was? About what?

About being a dog.

It's easier to be a person
than to be a dog.

I was a very bad dog.

Bad dog!

No, you're not a bad dog, TD.

Can I tell you a secret?

Being human hasn't
been easy at all.

It hasn't?

No, it was hard.

I had to get up early,

memorize all those
state capitals.

And you're not even allowed
to fall asleep in class.

Tell me about it.

I'd say your experiment
has taught us a lot.

Experiment! Oh, no!

I'm supposed to present
a science project in class

this afternoon!

I think you just lived
a pretty good science project.

Hey, you're right.

Hypothesis: It's easier
being a dog than a person.

So the conclusion
of my experiment is

that it's just as hard to be
a dog as it is to be a person.

But either way, it's easier
if you have friends.

(barks)

Duh... dog!

Did Jake just say
what I think he said?

Dog!

His second word,

and it's "dog"!

Dog!

Wait. That's not a dog.

That's a table.

Let's compare a dog and a table.

"Compare" means you look at two
things and you see what's alike

and not alike about them.

So, for example,
a dog has four legs,

while this table has...

Okay, a table also has four
legs-- that's the same.

But a table doesn't have fur
or a tail,

but a dog does.

Do you understand?

You do? Great!

Table!

No, no,
I'm not a table.

Once again, let's compare
a dog and a table.

Look, I can jump
around and bow.

That is one weird table.

Dog!

Did you catch all the words
that have to do with science?

Watch again.

A hypothesis is just
a guess or idea

about what you think
might happen.

Theory is when you have an idea
about something,

but you're not sure whether
it's right or wrong.

An experiment could be
any way of testing an idea.

Well, that's our show.

See you next time.

(creature growling)

Not you, them.

(laughs weakly)

Bye!

* Who's that dog? *

* Who's
that dog? *

* Dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. *

That dog is Rugby.

Catch!

My name is Allison
and I read to Rugby.

Rugby is a reading partner.

"Martha's family had a wonderful
party trick."

Rugby listens to me
reading to him.

When Rugby comes to the school,
he kisses me.

Today we're going to read
Martha Walks the Dog.

"As usual, her pals
were scratching,

sniffing or snoozing."

It's fun for a kid to do this

because they have a big ball
of personality

listening to them read.

"Bop! Bop! Bop! Bop!"

If you have trouble reading,
a dog will pay attention.

A dog won't say you're bad
at reading.

They just roll with it.

You can count on dogs.

I like reading to Rubgy
because it's really fun.

* She's that dog,
dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. *