03x03 - Oh, Nooooo!/Bye, Martha

[bunniefuu]

* Martha was an average dog

* She went... and... and...
(barking, growls)

* When she ate
some alphabet soup *

* Then what happened
was bizarre. *

On the way to Martha's stomach,
the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain,
and now...

* She's got a lot to say

* Now she speaks...

How now, brown cow?

* Martha speaks

* Yeah, she speaks
and speaks and speaks *

* And speaks and speaks.

What's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

* Martha speaks...

Hey, Joe, what do you know?

My name's not Joe.

* She's not always right,
but still that Martha speaks. *

Hi, there.

* She's got a voice,
she's ready to shout *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* Sometimes wrong,
but seldom in doubt *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* That dog's unique...

Testing, one, two.

* Hear her speak

* Martha speaks and speaks
and speaks and speaks and... *

* Communicates, enumerates

* Elucidates, exaggerates

* Indicates and explicates

* Bloviates and overstates

and...
(panting)

* Hyperventilates!

* Martha-- to reiterate--
Martha speaks. *

Hello.
I'm that professor guy.

Um... There's no show today.

Sorry. So, bye!

Who are you?

I'm you.

I mean, I'm the professor.

Who are you, you fraud?

I'm the professor.

Prove it.

Well, I have
a real beard,

while you have a false one
that is peeling off.

Admit it:
You're not me at all.

(whimpers)

Today's show is full of words

like "true," "false,"
"admit" and "deny."

See if you can spot them all.

(chirping)

(panting)

Hurry! It's on.

It's starting.

(teapot whistling, dog barking)

* Oh, baby, yeah

* Oh, baby, yeah

* Baby, baby, baby,
yeah, yeah. *

Shh. Quiet, Baby Jake.

This is history
in the making.

This guy singing could become
an international superstar.

Yeah, except I don't think
he's going to win.

Well, he might if
we called a bunch of times

and voted for him.

MOM:
We couldn't do
that, Martha.

It would be dishonest.

You're only allowed
to vote once.

Commercial's on. Popcorn time.

Has your physician
ever misled you?

Do you suspect
he's a fraud?

Uh-oh.

It says here
Granny Flo's Alphabet Soup

is really taking a licking.

Of course it's being licked.
It's good.

Trust me, you can't help
but lick it.

No. It's an
expression.

"Taking a licking" means
something isn't doing well.

People are buying
Oodles of Os instead.

It's much more popular.

Oodles of Os?

That soup with
only "O"s in in?

Uh-huh. It says here Granny Flo
is really losing money.

She may go out of...
business.

Out of business? Oh, no!

(girl singing on TV)
Oh, woe. Oh, woe.

Oh, Martha,
she's not that bad a singer.

Believe me,
I've definitely heard worse.

No, you guys.

If Granny Flo goes
out of business,

I won't be able
to communicate anymore.

She's right. Martha can't talk
without her alphabet soup.

What are we
going to do, Mom?

Now, don't panic.

We'll think of something.

O, o, o, o, o, o?

I know.

You want a biscuit.

See? I told you I'd
be able to understand you.

You did ask for a biscuit,
didn't you?

Nope. But, if you're giving
out biscuits, I'll take one.

Martha, I have
to be honest with you.

Why do you have
to be honest?

Why can't you
just be Helen?

No. It's not a name.

"Honest" means I have
to tell the truth.

Oh. Oh, okay.

The truth is, I don't think

I'll ever be able
to understand O-speak.

If only there
were some way

to make people buy
more alphabet soup.

There is!

Just make a really great ad.

People will buy anything
if the ad is cool enough.

I mean, just look at my shoes.

Hmm. You have a point.

Oops. Sorry.

What makes an ad cool?

Make it funny.

Or give away something
with the soup that people want.

I've got it. The complete works
of Shakespeare.

Hamlet in every can.

Great. We'll sell one can...
to you.

A free bone
in every can?

That might work
if dogs had wallets.

Or if people wanted
broken teeth.

I've got it.

We say there's $ million
in every can.

You can't say that.

But why not?

It would sell soup.

A nine-letter word that means
not telling the truth.

It's dishonest.

Yes. Yes.
"Dishonest" means lying.

Very good, Helen. Thanks.

No. You can't say
there's money in the soup

because it would
be dishonest.

It would be like me saying,

"If you eat this alphabet soup,

"you'll sing so well

you'll be the next winner
on International Icon."

International Icon!

Is it on?

Again?
No. I'm saying

Granny Flo should advertise
on International Icon.

Everybody watches that show.

Martha's right.
It's very popular.

Granny would have
a huge audience.

And the soup would be saved.

Oh, we got to tell Granny.

HELEN:
We'd like to speak
to Granny Flo, please.

Nobody sees Granny. Not no how.

Not no way.
But...

There's got to be some way
we can get to Granny.

GRANNY:
Just look at all those bills!

You and your letters.

That's what I get for trusting
a talking painting.

Instead of f*ring
alphabeticians,

I should have fired .

I could have sold Messes
of Ms or Zillions of Zs.

But no! You wouldn't
have it.

"Good soup is your business."

Believe me, there won't be any

business,
thanks to your meddling.

What is it, Martha?

Granny Flo. I can hear her.

She's right up there.

Martha?

Trust me.

I know what I'm doing.

Let me know when it's over.

(gasps)

So where are all your
bright ideas this time, huh?

No advice?
Opinions? Suggestions?

There's nothing I hate more

than a portrait that
leaves you in a pickle.

MARTHA:
I have an idea.

Is it really you?

No fooling. It's truly me.

If you want
to increase your soup sales,

you should advertise
on International Icon.

Great Gilda's Girdle!

How do you know
about International Icon?

MARTHA:
Who doesn't know
about International Icon?

It's a very popular show.

Popular?

MARTHA:
Popular is when
everyone likes something.

This is a soup company,
not a beauty pageant.

Everyone would
see your ad.

Your soup sales would
increase in no time,

and you'd be
out of debt.

Oh, I don't know.

You have to trust me.

Have I ever misled you?

Hmm. I'll do it!

I'll put an ad on that show.

But I'll need
a dynamic spokesperson--

someone who knows my soup
and really likes it.

I could do it.

A talking painting?

Ha. The public
would never buy it.

Besides, your
stage presence
is a little flat.

Eunice, get me someone
for a soup commercial.

I could do your ad.
Honest.

No fooling.
I'd be soup-erb. Ha-ha.

Eunice,
where did this dog come from,

and what's it doing
in my office?

Please. I'd be a very
dynamic spokesperson.

I'm cute, I'm funny, and, hey,

I'm a talking dog.

A talking dog?

Outstanding! Come in.

How did you know
I needed a spokesperson?

(sighs)

I'm delighted to have you
as my new spokesperson.

See you tomorrow at : .

(muffled):
Aye-yai.

Well? What happened?

Is she going
to do the ad?

Yeth.

Yes. The ad's going

to be on International Icon
tomorrow night.

Granny says we're doing
the commercial live,

like in the old days.

But it'll be in color, right?

Color? How should I know?

I can't see color. Helen,

will you read
the script

and tell me what
I have to say?

You bet.

HELEN:
"It's delicious
and nutritious."

"It's delicious
and nutritious."

"Plus, each can
of Granny's Alphabet Soup

"has a secret ingredient that...

makes dogs talk"?!

Martha, you can't say this.

I bet I can.

"Plus, it has a..."

No. I mean, you can say it--
you have the ability--

but you shouldn't say it.

Why not?

Because it's wrong

to deceive people.

How is that deceiving?

"Deceive" means
you make people believe

something is true that isn't.

I wouldn't be deceiving anyone.

The soup really does
make me talk.

Yes, but it doesn't make
all dogs talk.

We gave some to Skits,
and he couldn't say a word.

Oh.

Well, can't I say it anyway?

I mean, Granny's soup
needs saving.

No. It's dishonest.

Believe me, Martha:
it could backfire.

Once people found out
alphabet soup didn't really

make their dogs talk,
they'd be mad.

They might even shut
the soup factory down.

You could really be
in the doghouse.

MARTHA:
Ugh. I can honestly say

I do not want to live
in a doghouse.

"In the doghouse"
is an expression.

It means you'd
be in trouble.

Oh.

I can't tell you what to do,
but in my opinion,

I think doing this commercial
is a bad idea.

Don't worry.

I'll change the script.

You won't have to say
anything dishonest
or misleading.

All you have to do is wait
till I point to you,

then say, "Right, Granny."

Let's give it a try.

It's delicious
and nutritious.

Plus, each can of
Granny's Alphabet Soup

has a secret ingredient
that makes dogs talk.

Right, Martha?

Right, Granny.

(gasps)

What's wrong with it?

I don't say
anything dishonest.

You may not be lying,
but Granny Flo is,

and you agree with her.

That's just as
bad as lying.

Let's go home, Martha.

But, Helen,
if Granny goes out of business,

I won't be able to talk.

(groans):
Ooh, boy, my loyalty
is really being tested here.

You're on, Martha.

Are you really going
to mislead all those people?

Watch me.

You're on in four,

three, two...

Hello. I'm Granny Flo,

and I want to say a few
words to you about soup.

A soup with only O's
may be fine for some people,

but not for Martha here.

She only eats
Granny's Alphabet Soup.

(slurping)

Why? Because it's delicious
and nutritious.

Plus, each can of
Granny's Alphabet Soup

has a secret ingredient
that makes dogs talk.

Right, Martha?

I can't watch.

Right, Martha?

Woof. Woof. Woof.

Yes.

I should have known you wouldn't
say anything that wasn't true.

You haven't got
a dishonest bone in your body.

I'm ruined.
Ruined, you hear?

Hey, that advertisement
is a hoot, no fooling.

Sir, do you want
Oodles of O's, as usual?

No way-- I'd rather have
some of that alphabet soup.

Woof.

Ha. Hysterical.

Hey, Granny, you better sign
that dog to a contract.

I think she's going
to be very popular.

Look. It's Martha's new ad

for Granny's
Alphabet Soup!

Granny's Alphabet Soup--

so great, even your pets
will ask for it by name.

Right, Martha?

Woof. Woof.

You sure are
a popular spokesperson.

Your ads are on constantly.

Spokesdog, if you please.

I don't really care.

To tell you the truth,

the only audience
I want to please

is right here in this room.

(laughing)

Oh, Martha,
you're the best.

(chuckles):
Good day.

Today's lecture concerns words
that begin with "dis" and "mis,"

such as "dishonest"
and "misleading."

Miss Leading?

Wasn't she
my third-grade teacher?

(chuckles):
Oh, no, not "Miss Leading."

"Mislead" is not a teacher.
It's a word.

It means you make
someone believe something

that isn't true.

You're leading them
the wrong way, so to speak.

Honest?

Oh, truly.

I would not mislead you.

(chuckles):
There are many such words.

"Mistake," "dishonest,"
even "dismiss."

Dismissed? Really?

No. It was a mistake.

I-I-I'm sorry if I misled you.

I'm so disappointed.

Oh, boy! Flea Farm.

* Set up the farm

* It's easy as a breeze,
add the larvae and soon *

* You'll have a million fleas.

* Flea Farm, Flea Farm...

BOTH:
We love you, Flea Farm.

* Flea Farm, Flea Farm.

It makes you itch
just watching that ad.

Who on earth would think
that was a good toy?

MAN:
Who on earth thought
that was a good toy?

Um... you did, Otis.

But I agreed.
What a mistake.

It's just as bad as
the rest of our toys.

The only good
idea we ever had

was that mind-control
dog-training school.

You can't deny it:
that was perfect.

If it weren't

for that talking dog
ruining everything.

Yeah. Hang on--
talking dog?

Pablum. Why didn't
I think of it before?

That's it!

We'll be rich!

(circus music playing)
I, Otis Weaselgraft,

am the greatest
animal trainer ever.

Behold.

An ordinary dog that
I have trained to speak.

Dog, what does "deny" mean?

"Deny" means to say
that something is not true.

Correct. And no one can deny

that I am the greatest
animal trainer ever.

(crowd cheering excitedly)

But...

but that dog will never
work for you, Otis.

It knows you're a fraud.

So? We find another dog.

I tried feeding alphabet soup
to dozens of other dogs,

but it only works on that one.

Soup? That's what makes it talk?

Th-That's right--
plain old alphabet soup.

Really?
(sinister chuckling)

Pablum,

by tomorrow night, that
dog is going to be ours.

(sinister laughing)

Oh. Aah! Get those dang
flea farms out of here.

Ooh-ooh!

What's "con pasas" again?

"With raisins."

Hmm. Everyone in this family
speaks two languages but me.

(barking in distance)
Even Martha--
I bet you can translate

right?dog barks,
Translate?

You mean,
can I tell you in English

what that dog is saying in dog?

Yeah.

Oh. Uh, he's saying,

"Hey! Hey, you! Hey! Hey!"

Hey, maybe you could teach me
a few words in dog, Martha.

It might come in handy.
You never know.

(quietly):
Careful, you fool!

Get in.

Don't let them see you.

cans of Polish
alphabet soup.

Good work-- now start
changing those labels.

We have to hurry
before they get home.

(van backfires)

MARTHA:
Last one to the door
is the last one in!

MOM:
Ah, that was
a nice walk.

HELEN:
Yeah, that
was nice.

Come on, Martha-- dinner.

Pretty good.

You have to admit, I did
a pretty good job in there.

What do you mean,
I have to admit?

I mean,
you have to say it's true.

Admit it: pretty good
the way I slipped in there.

Shoop.

Fine, I'll admit you managed
to switch the soup

if you'll admit

that I have a
dunderhead monkey
for an assistant!

Let's go.

(birds chirping)

HELEN:
That's strange.

¿Qué pasa?
What is it?

This soup label's
on crooked.

I noticed it
on the one last night, too.

(doorbell rings)
Who could that be?

Hello?

(with fake Polish accent):
Oh, hello, hello.

This is number
, yes?

That's right.

I am Mrs. Olga Weaselfink.

I came to ask if you...
(gasps)

Sacha, there
you are!

You are alive.

(choking):
Hello?

You know our dog?

Know?

I brought
this doggie up

from time was just
a little dogling.

Huh? I thought I came
from the pound.

Oh, before that.

You were just
a tiny little pup-ishka,

back in Poland.

In Poland?
Poland?

I'm from Poland?

Ja.

Little Sacha here
was having dessert

with me and his mama
when comes a crocodile.

HELEN:
Crocodiles?

In Europe?

Oh, not crocodile...

er... hawk.

So, just as baby Sacha

is about to have nice cake,

hawk, it swoops down...

(barking)

and bye-bye, little Sacha.

Oh, we are so sad on that day.

But now happy
ending!

You are safe
and sound,

and now will be
coming home vis me.

HELEN:
"Vis you"?

I mean, with you?

You want to take our dog?

You wouldn't want
to separate Sacha

from rest of family,
would you?

Look at them.

The mama and the daddy

were so much
missing the little dog.

This isn't a photo.
(giggling)

It's just a
crude drawing.

We are poor people,
I do not deny.

We cannot afford
picture machine,

but I'm sure if you think,
you will remember.

Perhaps you even
remember a few words

of your native
language.

Nie.

How did I do that?

(gasps)

You remember!

"Nie" means no.

You'd better give
us a little time

to think this over,
Mrs. Weaselfink.

Is not a
problem.

You have until
this evening.

Then I return
with papers to prove

dog is mine.

Bye-bye.

She can't take Martha away,
can she?

I don't know,

but there's something
suspicious about that woman.

I'm not sure I trust her.

(in normal voice):
Let's go!

(tires squealing)

Hmm, from Poland?

That's what she claims,
but when you claim something,

you're just
saying it's true.

You don't have
any proof.

It could be some
kind of trick.

I don't want to leave.

I like it here.

Hmm, it must be a mistake.

I'll call a lawyer, find out
what we can do about her claims.

WEASELGRAFT:
Ha. They won't be able
to deny that dog is mine.

These papers
will prove it.

Where did you find them?

Snatched them from
the dog license place

when no one was looking.

We just change the name

and no one will ever know
the difference.

Switching that dog's soup

from the English kind
to the Polish kind

was a stroke of genius.

One more bowl and that
mouthy mutt will be mine.

(both laughing)

(Jakey crying)

Don't cry, Jakey.

You still have
Skits to play with,

and maybe someday
when you grow up,

you can visit me... in Poland.

(crying)

I admit it looks
bad, Martha,

but I'm sure it's all
just a big mistake.

Eat your dinner.

I'll go see if the lawyer
called Dad back.

(door opens)

Huh?

(panting)
Skits, what happened to you?

(barks)

Tricked us?
Who tricked us?

(barks)
That impostor!

She's not really from Poland?

(barks)

That's why I could speak Polish!

That fraud switched my soup
so he could claim I was his dog.

Don't worry, Skits.

These two bad guys
nie ujdzie im to na sucho.

(gasps)

(barks)

Ktos podmienil
moja zupe.

What are you saying?

I can't
understand you.

Nie,
zamienili moja zupe.

You want
more soup?

Nie.

You're talking
like that Mrs. Weaselfink.

How am I...?

Wait a minute.

You're speaking Polish, right?

Kristina!

Kristina?

The student who's
staying at Alice's.

She's from Poland.

Wait right here.

Don't go
anywhere.

Helen?

This is house

where they have stolen dog.

Here is official dog license.

Uh, the writing
is kind of smudgy.

But all in order.

You cannot deny.

Now come
along, doggy.

Nie, nie.

This is
awfully sudden.

Can we wait
until my daughter gets back?

Sorry, we have plane to catch.

You put leash on dog, please?

Okay.

HELEN:
Wait! Wait!

Everyone, this is
Kristina Lechowski.

She's from Poland.

Hi.

Martha, tell Kristina
what you were saying.

Zamienili moja zupe.

DAD & MOM:
What is it?

The dog talks.

(sighs)

Can you translate
what she's saying?

Ktos podmienil moja zupe.

Okay, dog is saying
that someone has...

Uh, I don't know
word in English.

(all groan)

I get the Polish-
English dictionary.

WEASELGRAFT:
Enough of this nonsense.

I can translate.

Doggy is saying it wants
to follow law and come with me.

No, you can't!

Officer?

According to this, she owns him.

HELEN:
Wait a minute.

Did you say...?
Come along, boy.

ALL:
Boy?!

Is not boy?

Little high-voiced boy doggy?

No?

ALL:
Uh-uh.

Sorry, these papers
are for a boy dog.

And Martha's a girl.

(in normal voice):
Pablum!

Weaselgraft?

KRISTINA:
"Soup."

Switched soup from English kind
to Polish kind.

Is that true?

Did you switch
this dog's soup?

I admit it.

It would have worked, too,
if it weren't for...

not working.

Come along, Otis.

I've got another thing
I want to discuss with you.

There's this flea farm
my daughter...

You're saved!

(all cheering)

Dobrze.

ALL:
Huh?

Means "hooray."

(cheering, laughter)

Hello, hel-lo.

Testing one, two, three.

Hey, not only can I talk,

but I got two dinners
in one night.

I was worried we'd need
to have Kristina translate

everything you said.

Well, I want
to thank you all

in a way that translates
into any language.

(both laughing)

Ta-da!

What is it?

It's a lie
detector.

It never makes
a mistake.

What's your
name, doggy?

Martha.
True.

Wow.

Now, this time,
tell me a lie.

What's your
name, please?

Uh, Ted.

False.

My lie detector could tell
what you said was false.

"False" means
something is not true.

Your name isn't Ted;
it's Martha.

Hmm, those dials and gauges look

like they were just drawn on
in crayon,

and it looks like TD is just
operating you with his hand.

True.

Admit it.

It's not science
at all.

True.

Oh, be quiet.

Did you catch all the words

about "true" and "false,"
"honest" and "dishonest"?

Watch.

That's what she claims,
but when you claim something,

you're just
saying it's true.

You don't have
any proof.

It could be some
kind of trick.

A nine-letter word that means
"not telling the truth."

It's dishonest.

Yes. Yes.
"Dishonest" means lying.

How is that deceiving?

"Deceive" means
you make people believe

something is true that isn't.

See you again.

To dig up some more fun words
and games, visit pbskids.org

* Who's that dog? *

* Who's
that dog? *

* Dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. *

That dog is Decota.

I got Decota at MSPCA Angell.

They have an adoption center
there.

WOMAN:
Do you want to take
that dog for a walk?

Yeah.

WOMAN:
So you're all set.
You can bring Decota home.

Puppies need exercise.

The best thing about
having a puppy is

that you have someone
to play with.

* He's that dog... *
* Dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. *