03x04 - Martha Walks the Dog/Martha's Got Talent

[bunniefuu]

* Martha was an average dog

* She went... and... and...
(barking, growls)

* When she ate
some alphabet soup *

* Then what happened
was bizarre... *

On the way to Martha's stomach,
the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain
and now...

* She's got a lot to say

* Now she speaks...

How now, brown cow?

* Martha speaks, yeah,
she speaks and speaks *

* And speaks and speaks
and speaks... *

What's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

* Martha speaks...

Hey, Joe, what do you know?

My name's not Joe.

* She's not always right,
but still that Martha speaks. *

Hi, there!

* She's got a voice,
she's ready to shout *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* Sometimes wrong
but seldom in doubt *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* That dog's unique...

Testing, one, two!

* Hear her speak

* Martha speaks and speaks

* And speaks and speaks
and... *

* Communicates, enumerates

* Elucidates, exaggerates

* Indicates and explicates

* Bloviates and overstates
and... *

(panting)
* ...hyperventilates!

* Martha, to reiterate...

Martha speaks!
* Martha speaks.

It's the Weaselgraft
and Pablum Vocabulary Hour.

(winding down):
They're the new stars
of the show.

(bang and clank)
(whimpers)

Nice try,
you guys.

At least tell everyone
what words to watch for.

Um, there are lots
of pleasant words,

like "praise," "flatter"
and "compliment."

And there are some
unpleasant ones, too,

like "insult," "annoying"
and "bully."

See if you can
spot them all.

(clattering)
(startled shouts)

(people conversing, laughing
in distance)

(boys laughing)

Hot dogs are ready!

Get 'em
while they're hot!

Here you go,
Mrs. Marbleton.

Condiments are
right over there.

Hot dogs!

Well, hello, doggie.

What a good girl.

Can you do any tricks?

Can you sit?

(laughing):
Oh, wonderful.

Can you roll over?

Good girl.

Now, here's a really hard one.

If you get it, maybe I'll
give you a potato chip.

Ready?

Can you speak?

Gee, I thought
you'd never ask.

(yelps)

Are you going to eat that?

I'll take
that as a no.

Ow, hot, yeah...
Mmm! Yum!

Sorry,
Mrs. Marbleton.

Don't worry,
we have lots of food.

That's the most amazing animal
I've ever seen.

RONALD:
Oh, I wouldn't
say that.

I have a talking animal,
too, you know.

Oh, you do?

Oh, yeah.

It's way better
than a talking dog.

Hang on, I'll show you.

You don't think
he taught

that bully, Nelson,
to speak?

Oh, can you imagine
how bad that'd be?

(snickering)

Your hair looks awful!

Martha!

Did you just
insult Helen?

It wasn't me,
it was Nelson!

It was the cat!
It was the cat!

That would be bad.

Nelson's mean.

Cats are smart, but
they aren't that smart.

Skits! No!

That's a no!
Huh?

Shoo, Skits!
(whining)

Martha, you are
one good dog.

PARROT (cawing):
Good dog! Good dog!

RONALD:
Quiet-- now, here's
a real talking animal.

Oh, it's just a parrot.

Just?

This animal not only talks,

it says exactly
what you tell it to say,

unlike some naughty pets
I could name.

(caws):
Good dog!

Don't say that.

Say, "Good parrot."

Good dog!

(groaning)

You birdbrain.

Wait a minute,
I have to fix it.

We'll be right back.

Maybe we better
take a walk

before he gets
his bird perfected.

I can't believe
how insulting

Ronald was
to his parrot.

What a bully.

Wait a minute--
an insult

is when you say
something bad

about someone, right?

Yeah...

So, if you called a
person a birdbrain,

that would be
an insult.

Or if you called a dog
a birdbrain,

that would be an insult.

But is it an insult

to call a bird
a birdbrain?

Hmm, you've got a point.

(dogs barking)

interesting.
What?

Cisco says there's
a new dog.

He and his owner
just moved

into the old
Gordon house.

Should we go welcome him
to the neighborhood?

Absolutely.

"Beware of dog."

Huh, is that a Russian
name-- Bewareoff Dog?

(giggling):
No.

"Beware" means to be careful

because something's dangerous.

Oh, well,
that's silly.

I could understand
a sign

that said, "Beware
of falling rocks"

or "Beware
of giant spider,"

but why would anyone
have to beware of a dog?

(growling)

(barking)

(barking)

I guess that's why.

He looks mean.

Uh, I think he
was just startled.

Hi.

Sorry about
surprising you.

My name is...
(growling)

(barking)

MAN:
Bad dog, Bob!

Bad, bad dog!

Bad!

And what did
I tell you

about chewing
on your chain?

(dog whimpering)

That's right--
it's bad!

(door closing)

Why don't we just
mosey on quiet...

(fierce barking)

Bad, bad dog!

(people talking quietly)

Whew! Boy, nothing like
getting barked at

to work up
an appetite, I say.

I hope there
are some hot dogs left.

RONALD:
Aha!

Just in time for
a little demonstration.

Now say it.

(caws):
It!

No, no, no,
say, "Good bird."

(squawks):
Good dog! Good dog!

(groans)
Naughty parrot!

Uh, maybe I can help.

Polly wants a steak.

(whistles)
Polly wants a steak.

Don't teach it that!

You must have fleas.

(squawks)
You must have fleas.

Aw, quit it.

You're ruining my bird!

Come on, Polly.

(squawks)
You must have fleas.

(gasps)

(groaning)

Words are so much fun.

(Bob barking in distance)

I can't believe Bob
is still barking.

That's really annoying.

Oh, don't worry.

He'll bark himself out
before you know it.

(barking continues)

(barking continues
over crickets chirping)

MAN:
Bad dog, Bob!

Bad, bad dog!

(barking resumes)

(barking)

(sighs)

I didn't sleep at all.

Huh? Huh?

I wonder what it
would take

to make him stop
that loud, annoying barking.

Well, I know what would
make me happy.

Oh...

If it'll make him
stop barking, you can take

all the leftover meat
you want.

MARTHA:
Steak.

Maybe I should start
barking all night.

Kidding. I'm kidding.

(whispering):
Okay, just set it
on the lawn.

Trust me, when
Bob sees this,

he's going to be
one pleasant puppy.

(growling)
Uh-oh.

(fierce barking)

Helen, quick!

Give me the steak.

(sniffing)

(growling)

Martha!
Uh-oh.

(fierce barking)

He barks at steak.

The dog barks at steak.

(door opening)
Uh-oh.

Bad dog, Bob!

Bad, bad dog!

Bad!

(sniffing)

Mmm!

Porterhouse.

Uh... hmm.

Oh!

Bad owner! Bad owner!

I hate to say it, Martha,

but I think that dog
is just plain mean.

He's unpleasant and loud,
and his owner is a bully.

I think Bob's not
really unfriendly.

He's just got
too much energy.

It has to come
out some way.

If only it could
come out less loudly.

He just needs
something to do.

Hey, that's it!

I know just what Bob needs.

(barking)

(toy squeaking)

See?

He acts like he's unfriendly,
but he's really a softie.

(toy squeaking)

(barking, toy squeaking)

It's hopeless.

He plays with his food
and eats his toys.

Don't worry.
I have a great idea.

(soothing classical
piano music playing)

(sniffing)

(yawns, toy squeaks)

What did I tell you?

Now watch this.

See, Bob, it's okay.

You don't really want
to be annoying, do you?

Annoying means that
you bother people.

Like when you have
a flea you can't reach.

That's annoying.

But Bob isn't
really loud

and mean and annoying, is he?

No, Bob is a nice
doggie, right?

(music slows down,
stops)

Uh-oh.

Uh... you didn't happen to
bring extra batteries, did you?

No.

I was afraid of that.

Nice... doggie...?

(barking, toy squeaking)
Run!

Whew, that was close,
huh, Helen? Helen?

Helen?!

(whimpering)
Hey, Bob!

You big bully!

Leave her alone!

You know, there are words
for dogs like you.

Ruffian!

Thug!

Meanie!

I never thought I'd say this
but you are a bad dog.

And now that you've
reached the end of your chain,

I think I speak for the whole
neighborhood when I say...

Uh... can we talk?

(barking)

Martha!

Hey, what's with
all this noise?

Your dog is loose!

(barking, toy squeaking)

MARTHA:
Go home,
you monstrous mutt!

You mangy mongrel!

Ha! Not so tough,
are you now?

(growling)
Right, guys?

I said, "Right, guys?"

Guys?

(weakly):
Help?

Well, what do you say
now, you big bully?

You vicious varmint.

You heinous hound.

You naughty, no good...

(screaming)

(barking)

(gasps)

(Bob barks, toy squeaks)

(sniffing)

(growling)
(whimpers)

(sniffing)

(growling)

PARROT:
Good dog.

Good dog.

Shh.

(squawks):
Good dog. Good dog.

Oh, no.

Good dog.

Huh?

(whistles)
Good dog.

Yes... good dog.

Great dog!

Great dog!

Bob is a wonderful dog.

(parrot whistles)

Bob is a wonderful dog.

HELEN:
There he is.

Bad dog, Bob!

Bad!
(whimpering)

What did I tell you about
chewing your chain?

That's a bad dog!

No. Good dog.

What?

Good dog.

(whistles)

Good dog.

Good?

That's it.
You're halfway there.

Come on.

Good... dog?

Good dog?

Good dog!

(squawks)

Good dog!

(laughing)
Good dog!

Good dog!
(laughing)

Come on, Bob,
let's go home.

Why do I think
this won't last?

Just enjoy it
while it does.

Ready for dinner?

You bet.

Oh... one more thing.

Good parrot, Polly!

Good parrot! Good parrot!

RONALD:
He did it!

You did it!

Good parrot!

Good parrot!

Hey, everybody, get this.

I taught the bird how to talk.

I taught it how to talk.

Oh, brother.

Lets talk about things that
are pleasant and unpleasant.

Things that please you, that
make you happy, are pleasant.

Things that upset you, or make
you unhappy, are unpleasant.

For instance,

I find rolling
in the fresh mud pleasant,

but getting a bath after
rolling in the mud...

unpleasant.

Chasing a skunk... pleasant.

Getting sprayed by a skunk...

unpleasant.

Getting a bath after getting
sprayed by a skunk...

Really unpleasant.

Nasty.

Vile.

Repulsive.

Yeah, they get the idea.

MARTHA:
A steak! Pleasant.

Dropped on the ground...

really, really pleasant.

Skits!

Now, that's unpleasant.

Hello.

I'm Otis Weaselgraft.

You may know me as the greatest
dog trainer in the world.

With the help
of my brand-new DVDs,

I'll teach you to train
your dog to speak.

Sparky will now
demonstrate his command

of the English language--

which I, Otis Weaselgraft,
have taught him.

Observe.

Sparky, how does
this sandpaper feel?

Woof.

I believe you meant to say
"ruff," right, Sparky?

Woof.

No, not "woof."

"Ruff."

The sandpaper is ruff.

Woof.
Ruff.

Woof.
Ruff!

Woof, woof.

Cut!

Why are you
stopping, Otis?

It sounded like Sparky

was really teaching you
to speak dog.

I was supposed to teach him
to speak human.

Well, there's always the robot.

OTIS'S VOICE:
Otis Weaselgraft taught me
to speak in just two days.

(electrical sizzling)

It's just not as good
as the real talking dog.

If we could get
that dog Martha

to say I taught her how
to speak, we'd be rich.

But that dog
doesn't trust us.

Maybe we just have to be
friendly and coax her a little.

Coax her?

You mean talk her into doing it?

Precisely.

I think that's going to work
about as well as the robot does.

(expl*si*n)

Hmm, well, if we can't coax her,

maybe we can
get that dog another way.

(sinister laughter):
Another way! Yes!

(laughing)

You were talking about an evil
plan to steal her, right?

Yes.

(sinister laughter)

Yes!

Come along, we've
got work to do.

Ruff.

Peter Piper picked a peck
of pickled peppers.

(faster):
Peter Piper picked a peck
of pickled peppers.

You're getting pretty good
at tongue twisters, Martha.

You really think so?

Of course.

I wouldn't say so
if I didn't mean it.

In that case, keep
the compliments coming.

Hey, that's like
a tongue twister.

(rapidly):
Keep the compliments coming.
Keep the compliments coming.

I'd better take a break
from practicing.

I don't want my tongue
to get too twisted up.

Good idea.

You might need it; I'm tempted
to stop for a treat.

Tempted?

I thought "tempted" meant you
wanted to do something wrong.

Well, you can be tempted
by good things, too--
like ice cream.

Want some?

Sure.

That reminds me
of a tongue twister.

Isaac and Iris
like ice cubes and ice cream.

Isaac and Iris like
ice cubes and...

Are you sure this is
going to work, Otis?

Of course.

All we have to do is
give her lots of compliments.

Compliments-- you mean say
nice things about her?

Exactly.

If we compliment her,
she'll be so flattered

that she'll fall right
into our little trap.

Here I am, Orson Windlestout,

the world's greatest
talent scout, and I am stumped.

Where am I going to find
my next big star

in my next talent show?

Yes.

Like, for instance, a dog that
could do tongue twisters.

Precisely.

Oh! Excuse me.

Did you say a dog
that can do tongue twisters?

Why, yes.

Do you know any?

Do I know any?

(clears throat)

Friendly Freddy falls
for fried...

Who's Freddy?

A dog that can
do tongue twisters?

No, that was a tongue twister.

Friendly Freddy...

And so it was.

And one of the most
extraordinary tongue twisters

I've heard in a long time.

Oh, yes! (giggles)
Wonderful!

Thank you for
the compliment.

Maybe we can coax
this little canine wonder

into being in our modest
little talent show.

You don't have
to coax me.

Just tell me
where to sign up.

The show is tomorrow.

Here's all the
information you need.

Here you go.

See you tomorrow.

What's that?

Hang on. Trade you.

That's strange.

What kind of talent show
has a grand prize

of a lifetime supply of bones?

One that I want to be in.

Hey, is this mine?

Oh, no, you got vanilla.

I got the hot...

dog drool sundae.

Who would want a lifetime
supply of bones?

* Do, re, mi,
fa, so... *

Don't tell me you all want to
win a lifetime supply of bones.

No, I just want to
practice my magic.

And I want people to hear
what a great singer I am.

Mm, I'm in it for the bones.

(sinister chuckle)

At last,

the talking dog
will be ours.

When she shows up,
I'll be very friendly.

I'll coax her to come inside.

That's when you pull the rope,
and whoosh, the dog is ours.

Door opens,
pull the rope-- got it.

MARTHA:
Hello?

(gasps)

What are you doing here?

Magic.

Singing.

Bouncing a rubber
ball on my head.

I brought a few
of my friends.

Uh, I'll be right back.

Whoa!

You were supposed
to catch the dog, not me.

Sorry.

(thud)
ALL:
Huh?!

What's going on in there?

(gasping)

There's been a change of plans.

The talent show
isn't until

: p.m.

But I'm glad
you're all here,

because we need to practice.

Who wants to go first?

Me! Me, me, me!

I want to go first!

Okay. The dog it is.

Hmm.

Just speak into the
microphone, please.

Sure.

She sells seashells
down by the seashore.

At the seashore,
she sells seashells.

Magnificent!

That's what
I call talent.

What a treat.

Okay, practice is over.
Come back tonight.

But don't I get to practice
bouncing my ball on my head?

And what about
my magic trick?

And my song?

Although that sounds
very tempting,

we don't have time.

See you later. Bye-bye.

Uh, I wanted to see
the magic trick.

Did you get it?

No problem.

(loud moo)

Drat, I'm sure I...

(sheep bleating)

(monkey screeching)

(klaxon blaring)

Pablum!

MARTHA:
She sells seashells
down by the seashore.

At the seashore,
she sells seashells.

High five!

home and eat before go
the big talent show?

How come those guys
only let you practice?

You heard 'em--
there wasn't enough time.

Besides, yesterday they were
saying how talented I am.

You don't think they were
just trying to flatter you?

Flatter?
Yeah, you know-- flattering.

It's when you say a lot of
nice things about someone,

even if you don't
really mean it.

You're saying my tongue
twisters aren't that good?

They were just flattering me?

No, just... you shouldn't let
their flattery go to your head.

Sorry, what did you say?

I was just imagining
my lifetime supply of bones.

Just be careful.

MARTHA'S VOICE:
She sells seashells
down by the seashore.

At the seashore,
she sells seashells.

The seashells she sells...

(electrical sizzling)
are seashore shells...

Turn it off. Turn it off!

I'll have to make
some minor adjustments.

Don't worry about it.

By the time those kids realize
that the robot is a fake,

we'll be long gone
with the real dog.

Selling DVDs...

BOTH:
...down by the seashore.

(sinister laughter)

Yes.
(clearing throat)

Hello?

Hello?

Don't you think it's weird
that no one else is here?

I get the feeling
something fishy is going on.

Just in time.

MARTHA:
What's in the box?

Not a robot.

It's the
lifetime supply of bones.

Wow.

No touching.

Come along,
it's showtime.

(off-key):
* From sea to shining sea...

(both groaning)

She sells seashells
down by the seashore.

At the seashore,
she sells seashells.

are seashore shells.lls
Hmm...

Hmm...

A lifetime supply
of bones, hmm?

I wonder how many that is...

Whoa!

She sells seashells
by the seashore.

That's strange.

I thought I just heard me.

She sells seashells.

I thought I just saw me.

(sinister laughter)

What a treat to see you.

Interested in the
grand prize, are you?

Why not take a peek?

Uh, no, no, th-that's okay.

I can wait...

(nervous chuckle)

HELEN:
Martha!

Come on, he's about
to announce the winner.

Great.

And the winner is...

Martha the talking dog.

Me? I won? I really won?

Come on up.

The winner. Take a bow.

Thank you.

And here it is, your
lifetime supply of bones.

Hmm, so that's what's going on.

Why not take a peek.

Uh, actually,
now that I think about it,

how many bones does
a dog really nee...

Whoa!

(screaming)

Just a little technical...

(muffled yell)

(groaning):
...problem.

Take it away.
Take it away!

As a special treat,
how about an encore performance

from the grand
prize winner?

(beep)

She sells seashells
down by the seashore.

Pablum, we did it--

finally got
the talking dog.

I'll be famous.

You hear that, doggy?

You're going to help us
become very rich.

Eh... eh, doggy?

Doggy?

MARTHA (electronic voice):
She sells seashells

down by the seashore.

At the seashore
she sells seashells.

Oh, what did you do?!

We got the wrong one!

(tires screeching,
horns honking)

(yelps)

(electronic voice):
She sells seashells

down by the seashore.

At the seashore,
she sells seashells.

(faster):
The seashells she sells
are seashore shells.

(rapid gibbering,
electrical sizzling)

But...

We thought...

Miss me?

Martha!

Pablum!

What did I do?

Come along, Otis.

(laughing)

Those guys never
give up, do they?

(sadly):
Mmm, maybe
you were right.

They were just trying
to flatter me.

Maybe I'm not so
great after all.

What are you talking about?

Your tongue twisters were great.

You deserved to win.

Hmm!

You know what bugs me about
the whole thing, though?

What?

I really wanted that
lifetime supply of bones.

TD:
"Martha and the Hot Dog."

A story by TD and Martha.

MARTHA'S VOICE:
First I will try to be
friendly and praise it.

When you give someone praise,
you say nice things about them.

You are one good-looking guy.

I can't praise you enough.

Why don't you come down here

where I can get
a good look at you.

Hmm, praise doesn't seem
to work on hot dogs.

So, instead, I will try
to coax the hot dog

into jumping off the table.

Come on, hot dog.

Come on down, please.

I'm begging you.

Can't I coax you
to come down here with me?

(groans)

There's only one thing to do.

TD's VOICE:
Hey, Martha's trying
to eat off the table!

That hot dog is smarter
than it looks.

Did you have a pleasant time
watching the show?

Because we didn't.

Let's see those words again.

"Annoying" means that
you bother people.

Like when you have
a flea you can't reach.

That's annoying.

An insult is when you say

something bad about
someone, right?

Yeah...

So if you called someone

a birdbrain, that
would be an insult.

See you next time on
The Weaselgraft and...

(clearing throat)

On The Martha Show.

This is your fault.

How is it my fault?

* Who's that dog? *

* Who's
that dog? *

* Dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. *

That dog is Casey.

Casey works for my dad.

My dad's a farmer.

She's a farmer's helper
that's a dog.

She catches mice...

And rabbits.

She scares away birds.

(Casey barks)

Casey learned to not walk
in the beds.

Sometimes she'll work
and sometimes she'll play.

* She's that dog... *
* Dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. *