01x02 - Car

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Green Eggs and Ham". Aired: November 8, 2019 – April 8, 2022.*
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Animated comedy adventure series loosely based on the 1960 Dr. Seuss book of the same title.
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01x02 - Car

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Hey, guitar player ♪

♪ Watch me backflip ♪

♪ Watch me backflip ♪

♪ Let me work my magic ♪

♪ If you only knew ♪

♪ How to laugh and dance ♪

♪ Whether you're a pancakes
Or waffles man ♪

♪ We still got a whole lot left to learn ♪

♪ If you only knew ♪

♪ If you only knew ♪

♪ We'll do something new ♪

♪ Start a snowball fight in June ♪

♪ If you only knew ♪

♪ If you only knew ♪

♪ Watch me backflip ♪

♪ Watch me backflip ♪

♪ Let me work my magic ♪

♪ If you only knew
How the game has changed ♪

♪ You'd think it's kind of nice
Even when it rains ♪

♪ But take any advice
With a grain of salt ♪

♪ If you only knew ♪

♪ If you only knew ♪

♪ Watch me backflip ♪

♪ Watch me backflip ♪

♪ Let me work my magic ♪

♪ Let me work my magic ♪

♪ Watch me backflip ♪

♪ Watch me backflip ♪

♪ Let me work my magic ♪

[narrator] When last we left Guy,
he'd lost all his hope.

And burnt his briefcase
at the end of his rope.

Then a noise, and he grabbed it.

-There was something inside!
-[whimpering]

[narrator]
A wild, scary beast!

And nowhere to hide!

This is it. I'm done for.

I've lived my last day!

[narrator] Oh, don't be dramatic.

-[squawks]
-[narrator] It just wants to play!

[warbling]

[warbling continues]

[squawking]

Ugh!
[spits]

[warbles]

[squawks]

-[glass shatters]
-[warbling]

[squawking and warbling]

[laughing]

[gasps]

[Chikeraffe laughing]

Priceless?

Over here! Over here!
Look! Look! Fetch!

[warbling]

[laughs]

[warbling]

[screams]

-[warbling]
-[screaming]

-[Guy grunts]
-[Chickeraffe squawks]

[warbling]

-[squawks]
-[Guy] Whoa!

-[Guy screams]
-[electricity crackles]

[Chickeraffe warbling]

[Guy]
Someone, please! Someone!

[upbeat music playing]

[all]
♪ Still going to Meepville! ♪

[Guy screaming]

♪ Can't hear that guy screaming! ♪

♪ Having too much fun here! ♪

[screaming]

-[warbling]
-[Guy screaming]

[Guy] Whoa! Whoa!

[squawking]

[Guy grunts]

[Chickeraffe laughing]

[screams]

[whimpers]

[shouts]

[screams]

[growling]

Wait! Wait! Hold on!
Hold on! Wait! Wait!

[grunts]
I am not playing with you!

[exclaims]

Oh. Oh!

No.

[squawks]

[warbles]

[laughs]

-[warbles]
-Oh. Oh!

No, no, no, no!

Oh!

[squawking]

Why are there so many vases?

[Chickeraffe laughs]
[squawks]

[warbling]

[squawks]

[clucking]

♪ Still going to Meepville! ♪

♪ Still going to Meepville! ♪

All right, buddy. Take it easy.

I just wanna get you
back in your briefcase where you'll--

-[knocking on door]
-[gasps]

-[man] Hello? Mr. Am-I?
-[toots horn]

Ugh. Oh, no.

-[warbles]
-Stay!

-[knocking on door]
-Please, stay!

-[man] Hello?
-[knocking on door]

[sniffles]

Mr. Am-I? Is everything all right?

[warbles]

[squeals]

Thank you! We're fine!

The room is neither on fire
nor under water.

Excellent, sir.

We hope you're enjoying
your executive suite

featuring 17 rare and priceless vases.

Are those, by any chance, insured?

[laughing] No!

They're rare and priceless!

Anyhoo, as a Quintuple Stainless Member,

you are now entitled
to a complimentary lullaby!

So, if you'll just snuzzle yourself
into bed and allow me to tuck you in...

If you don't mind...

-[Chickeraffe laughs]
-[items clatter]

I sleep better standing up.

Of course, sir.

[plays note]

♪ It's our honor to serve you ♪

♪ From Salamasond to Gree ♪

[squawks]

♪ And many thanks for respecting
Our no pets policy ♪

[Chickeraffe grunts]

♪ Now we bid you good morrow ♪

♪ And hope to see you soon ♪

♪ And just a quick reminder ♪

[sighs]

[clears throat]

♪ Checkout's at noon! ♪

[yawns]

[whimpers]

[snoring lightly]

Thank you so much.

You're wonderfully talented.

[man]
Oh... [stammers]

[snoring lightly]

-[door slams]
-No!

[squawking and warbling]

[items clattering]

[Guy screaming]
No!

[Sam]
Yes! Almost home, Mr. Chickeraffe!

Hoo!

Ooh! Junk mail! Sweet!

Ho! Back flip! Whoa!

All right, big fella,

welcome to my place.

It's just me here... until now!

Let me show you around.

Here's... pretty much everything,

but don't get too comfortable,

because the two of us
are hittin' the road!

[narrator] Sam thought his search
for a buddy was about to end,

because inside that case
would be his new friend.

Now, who's ready
for the first of many hugs?

What the--

Oh!

Huh?

Oh!

Where's the Chickeraffe?!

[Snerz]
Where is the Chickeraffe?

Delay?

What delay?

No! I told you the animal
must be here in Meepville

by SnerzDay!

Today is Vingsday.

Vingsday, Vongsday, Bangsday,
Wingsday, Longsday, SnerzDay!

[orchestra plays angry music]

Yes, I know I have a lot of other animals.

I have the most impressive collection
of rare and exotic creatures

in the entire northeastern quadri-sphere.

-Thank you very much!
-[animals sigh]

But compared to a Chickeraffe,

these guys are all just a bunch of losers!

[animals growl]

Yes, you are!

[snaps fingers]

So, by sunrise on SnerzDay,

there's going to be
a new head on the wall,

either the Chickeraffe's or yours!

Can you dig it?

[inhales deeply]

-[grunts]
-[all inhale deeply]

[orchestra plays dramatic music]

[high-pitched scream]

[music ends]

[bell on door rings]

Well, I'm not gonna sugar-coat it.

The Bigman sends his love!

He said he appreciates our efforts
and believes in us forever!

Also he asks that I compliment you
on your hat specifically.

Gluntz, that was so sugar-coated,
I'm gettin' a cavity.

Hey there, big guy.
What can I get you?

One Last Job Special to go.

You got it, dear.

Wait! Last Job Special?
You mean--

Yes, I'm retiring
from the BADGUY game, Gluntz.

-And my one last job is almost over.
-[food sizzling]

What did the guard at the zoo tell us
he found outside the Chickeraffe cage?

Oh! A kite, a snorkel,
and a pole vault pole!

It was some of your finest intimidating!

Only one place in Glurfsburg
sells all those items.

Lem's House of Kites, Snorkels,
and Pole Vault Poles.

[Gluntz] Oh, poor Lem!

Looks like the kite, snorkel,
pole vault pole bubble has finally burst.

Hard to believe.

Only one customer this year,
and his address...

-is on this receipt.
-[bell dings]

One last job, Gluntz.
Let's go get our target.

-Destination: eight, three--
-Eight, three, five--

Are you writing?

8351 North Bluff Gluff.

-[Donna on phone] North, not South!
-Yes.

-And you're sure that's where he lives?
-[Chickeraffe squawking]

The little man
who ordered the green eggs and ham?

[Donna gasps]
Oh, yes! Sam!

That's right!
You guys are Briefcase Buddies!

No! We are not Briefcase Buddies!

-[squawks]
-[grunting]

-[Chickeraffe laughs]
-[grunting]

-[squawks]
-[groans]

-[laughs]
-[groans]

-[warbles]
-Ugh!

[warbling]

[squawking]

[narrator] Our grumpy friend Guy
huffed and puffed up the gluff

to tell Sam-I-Am
that he'd had quite enough.

Sadly, Guy cannot hear me when I tell him,

"Beware! Because the BADGUYS,
in fact, are already there!"

Hmph! [grumbles]

[groans]

[grumbles]

-Going somewhere?
-[gasps]

Um, not at all.
I mean, not here at least.

Why do you ask?

Why do we ask?
I don't know. Why do you ask?

We're looking for something.
Is this your house?

This place? No!

Why are you at this house
if it's not your house?

Mmm, technically,
I think it's more of a vehicle.

How would you know that
if it's not your house?

Gotcha question! Woop, woop!

You're killin' this, Winks!

I'm aware.

Now, if what's in the briefcase
is what we think it is,

then you're in a lot of trouble.

-Briefcase? [chuckling] What briefcase?
-[Chickeraffe squawks]

Oh, oh! This briefcase!

-Nothing! Nothing's in here!
-[squawking]

This briefcase is just
an unremarkable attache

sold in most major stores.

By attache, of course,
I mean briefcase.

You certainly seem
to be saying briefcase a lot.

Briefcase? I mean, am I?
I-I don't think so.

Not anymore than I usually say briefcase,
which is very rarely.

Anyway, I'm sorry
I can't help you with your case,

but I'm sure it'll be brief.
A real brief case! [chuckles nervously]

[McWinkle and Gluntz chuckle]

Okay, look, this thing isn't even mine.
I took it by mistake.

Gluntz, net me.

[chuckles]

Just stay still.
This won't hurt at all.

Who are you people?

We're the BADGUYS!

Yes! I've always wanted to say that!

Oh, I'm gonna have so much
to journal about tonight!

-[vehicle approaches]
-[all gasp]

[all scream]

[horn honks]

Hey, hop on in!

[Gluntz and McWinkle grunt]

Come on! Let's skedaddle!

[McWinkle grunting]

-[Guy] Go, go!
-[engine revs]

[tires squeal]

[McWinkle groans]

He's got my car.

Oh, my gosh! A fleer!

We've got a fleer!

[growls]

Oh, that's right.

This was supposed to be your one last job.

You were ready to pack it up,
but oh, boy, that is not happening today!

Not yet! Not today!

Uh, but, uh...

-[all] Aww.
-[McWinkle growls]

[narrator] Sam-I-Am
had ruined McWinkle's big day.

He'd worked his last nerve...

[growls]

[narrator]
...and turned his fur grey.

What?

Oh, nothing.

[upbeat music plays]

[tires squeal]

-Whoo! Isn't fleeing fun?
-[Guy grunting]

[Sam]
Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo! Whoo-hoo!

Oh, that was a close call, huh?

But you are safe and sound
right here in this car with me.

Yup! One 100% secure!

What's going on?
Who are those maniacs?

Oh, they're the BADGUYS.
Thought they made that pretty clear.

[tires squeal]

-Wait! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't open that!
-[squawks]

[tires squeal]

Whoa! Oh, you let it out!

It? This Chickeraffe has a name,
you know.

I just haven't decided on one yet.

So far I've been calling him Big Fella.

But I'm also considering
Chickpea or Guy Jr. Just spitballing.

Although, Guy Jr. is
the clear front-runner at the moment.

I don't care.

Would you please stop licking me?

[coughing]

Ugh, great work, Guy.

You gave him a furball.

[Chickeraffe clucking]

No, no! People will see it!

[Sam]
It's fine.

[coughing]

[Sam]
Look at him! He loves it!

[warbles]

Oh, Guy Jr. loves
hanging his head out the window!

[squawks]

[groaning]

Everyone's after this beast!

Oh!

If anyone sees it,
we're gonna be in a whole lot of trouble!

Trouble? Relax!

I am a licensed Wildlife Rescuer!

Those BADGUYS wanna sell
the poor fella to a collector,

whereas I have his best interests in mind.

Your mother must be proud.
Now, let me out.

Pssh, come on.
Where're you headed?

[squawks]

[groans]

Meepville.

[gasps] Get out!

I'm headed to the Big Meep, too!

That's where I'm taking Guy Jr.!

So, what're you gonna do in the MVL,
travel buddy?

[grumbles]

I'm headed to Meepville
to be a Paint Watcher.

Whoa!

Watching paint dry?

Fun!

Fun, fun. Fun, fun, fun.

It's not "fun".

It's a solid, practical,
fall-back profession.

[Sam] Uh-huh.

Very solid!

Not giving up on your dream at all.

Just... let me out right here!

[Sam] Hey.

I'm sorry if I wasn't super psyched
about your new job, travel bud.

You just struck me as the kind of guy
who's destined for great things!

Well, I hate to disappoint you, Sam-I-Am,
but I'm just not that kind of guy.

Okay, well,

-you wanna exchange contact info?
-Nope.

Then how about a hug goodbye?
For the Chickeraffe.

Huh-uh.

Got it. Not a hugger. I respect that.

Then how about a nice handshake

and some firm plans
to meet up in Meepville,

-just as soon as you get there.
-No!

[sentimental music plays]

[Chickeraffe squawks sadly]

["Mrs. Brown,
You've Got a Lovely Daughter" plays]

♪ Mrs. Brown
You've got a lovely daughter... ♪

[grunting]

Honey, don't jostle.

When the seatbelt feels
like it's digging into your skin,

that's how you know it's working.

[sighs]

Oh, I can't believe
I forgot the safety poofs!

[shouts]

[muffled] Mom, it's smooshing my face.

There. Can you move?

[grunts]

-No!
-Great!

-[horn honking]
-Huh?

[tires squeal]

[man laughing]

[child] Hit it over here!

-Yes!
-Yay!

-[man] Hey, nice sh*t!
-Score!

[laughing]

-[woman] Oh, gosh!
-[man] Whoa! Wicked match, kid!

[horn honks melody]

[groans]

[sighs]

♪ Mrs. Brown
You've got a lovely daughter... ♪

Meepville is gonna be super fun.
I promise.

It's a business trip, Mom.

You're only going to present your beans
at the Snerz thing.

Oh, no! It's not just a thing!

It's the SnerzDay Gala... thing.

[sighs]

Plus, just imagine all the amazing sights
there are to see in the big city.

Yeah! That's right!

I heard they have a toy store there
that's so big,

it has a roller coaster inside!

-Do you think we can go see that?
-You bet we can!

There's a great view from the SnerzCo
Corporate Conference Room!

Fully panoramic, extremely clean windows.

Trust me, you'll be able to see all
the coolest things from a safe distance.

[groans]

[pants]

[sighs]

Huh?

Oh! I'm saved!

Hello!

Please stop!

Please?

[snoring]

Mom, look! Look!
I think that guy needs help!

Help! Please! I need so much help!

Come on.

Oh, thank goodness.

I'm sorry to bother you,
but I'm stranded out here,

and there's no one to help me,
and I really need a ride to Meep--

[narrator] When Guy saw Michellee,
his face felt like fire.

She'd witnessed him
wreck his beloved Self-Flyer.

-Mom, slow down!
-Absolutely not!

You never pick up hitchhikers
on the side of the road, E.B,

or anywhere else for that matter.

[grunts]

But Mom, look at him.

The poor guy's stranded.

I will not look at him
because taking my eyes off the road

would make a dangerous situation
even more dangerous,

plus the tenor of his voice clearly
indicates that he's a deranged lunatic.

-I'm not.
-[Michellee] Or a drifter

hoping to make us pawns
in his treacherous ruse.

Also not.

And have you even considered
the possibility that he's a felon?

I'm sorry, but if you're passing
on the whole giving me a ride thing,

you mind finishing this
out of my ear sh*t?

Your judgments are very hurtful.

You're right! That was insensitive of me.

Anyway, good luck
with the rest of your travel, Mr. Lunatic!

-Mom, wait!
-Buckle up your headbelt, sweetie.

I'm kickin' it into overdrive!

[E.B.] Mom, stop!

[tires squeal]

[Guy coughing]

[sighs]

["Baby Did a Bad, Bad Thing" playing]

[Guy] Chickeraffe...

Green eggs...

Annoying little man...

Annoying!

[grumbles]

[narrator] Guy started to think
he'd made the wrong choice.

Huh?!

Hey, who said that?

What is that voice?

[narrator] I'm your narrator, Guy.

This dude in your brain,

and if you can hear me,

[chuckling]
...you're going...

[distorted] ...insane!
[echoing]

[narrator laughing]

♪ Green eggs! ♪

♪ Green eggs! ♪

♪ Green eggs and ham! ♪

♪ Green eggs! ♪

♪ Green eggs! ♪

♪ Green eggs and ham! ♪

[distorted voice] Guy!

Guy!

Can you hear me, Guy?

Hello!

Who are you?
What's happening?

Show yourself!

Rain!

Oh, it's beautiful!

It's refreshing!

[chuckling] It's...

[groans]

[gasps] [spits]
Oh!

[groans]

Ugh!

It's all eggs!

[distorted voice] Guy!

Hey, Guy!

You look frightened, Guy!

You look weak!

You look...

Hungry.

[squawks] [laughs]

-[grumbles]
-[Sam] Oh, hey there!

Guess I must've made a wrong turn
and ended up right back where you were.

Weird. [chuckles]

Good thing I happened to grab
some extra food and Bevvies,

which I will just leave on the off chance
you could use a little pick-me-up

on your long, lonely journey to the ville.

Ah! [gulping]

[gasps] [spits]

Ick! What is this?

-Hot chocolate?
-Oh.

That is my bad right there.

See, I ordered a steaming
hot chocolate for myself,

and a frosty, cold,
iced chocolate for you.

[sips]

["Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" plays]

-[grumbles]
-[slurps]

Ah!

Oh, the hot chocolate feels great!

You know, considering
how chilly and cool it gets

riding around in this heavily
air-conditioned car all day.

[blows]

[blows]

[Sam] So...

travel buddies again?

[grumbles]

[sizzling]

♪ Green eggs! ♪

♪ Green eggs! ♪

♪ Green eggs and ham! ♪

[whimpers]

Fine, I'll come to Meepville with you.

Meep City!

As long as that beast of yours
promises to leave me alone!

Absolutely!

Do not worry.

I'm an expert when it comes to dealing
with wild Chickeraffes.

Ugh!

Every time!

Mmm. Mmm.

-[Sam munching and chuckling]
-Ew.

Mmm. Hey, man!

You gotta get in on this!

I got enough for both of us!

No! I will not eat them in a car.

Okay.

That is an oddly specific stance
to take on the matter.

But I'm just gonna keep this edible joy
right here for when you change your mind.

[yawning] I've got a better plan.

Ah, good thinking, trav buddy.

You take a load off and get some shut-eye.

You are safe and sound
with old Sam behind the wheel.

[Sam]
Hey, Guy!

Rise and shine, sleepyhead!

[yawns]

[Sam]
Morning, lazybones!

-[whimpers]
-[Sam] Hope you slept well!

[gasps]

Hey, do me a favor real quick

and barrel roll out of the car
when you get a chance, would ya?

-Just tuck your legs and--
-Sam!

What are you doing out there?

Oh, out here?

Well, we had to make a jump for it

before the car hit
that giant lake straight ahead.

What lake?

Oh, sorry. It's just below the cliff.

-[grunts]
-Cliff?

[whimpering]

[screams]

♪ Hey, guitar player ♪

♪ Mmm ♪

♪ New York's number-one cut creator ♪

♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

♪ Hey, speed skater ♪

♪ T-t-t-t-take a right ♪

♪ Let's put an ad in the papers ♪

♪ Uh ♪

♪ Backflip ♪

♪ You know what to do ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Backflip ♪

♪ You know what to do ♪

♪ Ooh, let your freak flag fly ♪

♪ Watch me backflip ♪

♪ Watch me backflip ♪

♪ Let me work my magic ♪

♪ Let me work my magic ♪

♪ Watch me backflip ♪

♪ Watch me backflip ♪

♪ Let me work my magic ♪
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