01x09 - Goat

[bunniefuu]

Hey, guitar player Watch me backflip Watch me backflip Let me work my magic If you only knew How to laugh and dance Whether you're a pancakes Or waffles man We still got a whole lot left to learn If you only knew If you only knew We'll do something new Start a snowball fight in June If you only knew If you only knew Watch me backflip Watch me backflip Let me work my magic If you only knew How the game has changed You'd think it's kind of nice Even when it rains But take any advice With a grain of salt If you only knew If you only knew Watch me backflip Watch me backflip Let me work my magic Let me work my magic Watch me backflip Watch me backflip Let me work my magic What a morning! The clouds are happy and wispy! The sun's bright! The sky's blue! The air is extra crispy? Hmm? Chickeraffe.

Freshly molted.

He's close.

Is this seat taken? No, no, uh, not at all.

I-I mean, you rented this place, so you're fully within your rights to sit wherever you please.

You know, I was just thinking.

I mean, if you guys wanted, maybe we could all team up and uh, go to Meepville together? Um, are you sure? Well, yes.

Of course, it's a practical decision, and there is, after all, safety in numbers.

So, what do you say? Uh, he said, "We'd love to.

" We're going to Meepville! This calls for seconds! And thirds! And seventeenths! Who wants some? - Me! - I'll help.

Me, too! Nice one, E.

B.

Now, I don't hardly know her But I think I could love her Crimson and clover Over and over Mr.

Snerz, our readers desperately want to get to know the man beneath the Flerz.

The Hervnick Z.

Snerz that no one else sees.

Can you tell us about him? I'd rather not.

Okay.

Well, can you tell us about Uh-uh.

- Then, can you describe - Pass.

- What's your response - Behind the back pass.

- Sir, you're making this quite difficult.

- No look pass.

Next question.

Hmm.

Well, what about your love of animals? When did that begin? Your childhood, perhaps? My childhood? There's no need to go into that.

Oh, so your childhood was unremarkable, then? Are you joking? Everything about me is remarkable! My childhood was fascinating! And I shall prove it to you, by describing my past in great detail.

Prepare to be riveted! Holy moly! Hey! Meanwhile, at the cabin, Guy's face felt quite funny.

His smile kept smiling.

His rainy days were now sunny.

Excuse me! Can you come back later? I'm in the middle of a very important Ugh! All right! Fine! Guy, who's at the door? Uh, no one.

Well, I mean, I do see an old goat, but Did you just say "Goat"? Yeah, you see him? Over there.

Adorable little fella, isn't he? - Whoa, whoa! What's wrong? What is it? - Nothing! Nothing at all! Just as long as that Goat leaves us alone and never again knocks at this Sam, stop it.

I'm starting to get real suspicious of that goat.

Guy, listen to me! What we're dealing with here is the world's foremost animal-napper! Every Wildlife Rescuer's nightmare! This Goat will do whatever it takes to get his hooves on the Chickeraffe, no matter who he's gotta go through to get it! Lose the ladies.

What? No! We're about to share a ride to Meepville.

If you care about Michellee and E.

B.

, you'll get them as far away from this place as possible.

Hey! Are you ready to get this show on the road? Because we're all packed up over here.

We're just a couple of packin' fools! We're wacky packers! We can't go with you.

What? But you can't why? It just seems to me that we'd all be safer if we if we went to Meepville separately.

But I I thought we agreed.

Safety in numbers, am I right? Guy, if something's wrong, you can tell me.

I'm sorry, but you two should leave right now.

I thought we were all gonna go together.

Uh, change of plans.

The four of us are too much fun for one car.

I guess that's it then.

Trust me.

We're all just We're all just better off on our own.

Can I at least say goodbye to Mr.

Jenkins first? I may never get to see him again.

I'll relay the message.

I promise.

Ooh, um Door's stuck.

Only one reasonable way out.

Da-da-da-da.

Hmm-mm.

Come on, E.

B.

Stay safe, please.

You did the right thing, pal.

You were brave.

In fact, both of us were very, very Okay, so our current options are give the Goat the Chickeraffe or die! And we can't give up the Chickeraffe! Stop making eye contact with him! It only makes him stronger! Sam wracked his brain, where to run, flee, or scram! But for once, it was Guy thinking Green eggs and ham.

Whip up some more green eggs and ham, fast! Oh, like a one last meal kind of thing? What're you thinking? Poached? I'm thinking poached is the way to go when you're Just do it! The Goat won't leave without the Chickeraffe.

Papa.

We can do this the easy way, or we can do it the hard way, amigo.

Now why don't you just tell your little friend to come out, too? Afraid he's busy, hombre.

Rustlin' up some green eggs and ham.

Mmm, that sounds good! How 'bout we eat 'em together? No, I will not eat them with a Goat.

Looks like you chose the hard way.

Is this the hard way? I know what you're here for.

And it's yours if you promise me you'll stay far away from the two girls who just drove out of here forever.

You're lucky we didn't have to do this the hard way, compadre.

Son of a Yip! Oh, the Goat never even saw me sneak the eggs in his motorcycle! And your recorder invention thingy didn't even Okay, so there's a couple of wrinkles still left to iron out.

He's on to us for sure! Head for the mountains! My childhood, where to begin? Well, I was always extraordinary, stupendous, and truly Snerzeriffic.

Let us be clear about that.

But I wasn't always the man you see before you.

I was once little.

And when I was a little Snerz, I had a pet Flemur.

He was the most magnificent Flemur in the history of Flemurs, and magnificence! Oh, me and my Flemur were as thick as thieves! I'm talking best friends forever and ever! It was the classic story of a boy and his Flemur.

Everything was perfect until one morning.

My best friend was gone! Where'd he go? The house was locked tight.

He had to be somewhere inside, unless someone had left the door open! That someone was my mother! It was all her fault! And we've never been the same since.

Mr.

Snerz, any comment on the emotion you're feeling right now? Absolutely not! Emotion is for losers.

I'm just one big emotion right now.

I can't believe we lost our targets.

We've got no leads.

We've got no clues.

We're the worst BADGUYS ever.

Hey, cheer up, kid.

At least things can't get any worse.

You're right! That's awesome! And they just got worse.

Howdy there, folks.

Care to try our signature challenge dish, the Ham-Egg-Edon? It's a dozen green eggs on top of toast, on top of an extra large ham, on top of more toast, all folded into a giant egg.

Hmm.

Does it come with a side? Yeah, a fruit salad.

Ooh! Don't.

It always ends up being 90% cantaloupe.

Ugh! The garbage fruit.

So, are you brave enough to finish it and make it onto our Wall of Fame? Only one hungry hero has ever pulled it off! No, and whoever ate one of these things must be some kind of maniac.

Quick! Let's get on that winding "go up the mountain" thing! Hurry! Whoo! We are home free.

Everyone knows goats can't climb.

What kind of wildlife expert are you? Goats are known especially for their climbing! That is an outdated stereotype, and I prefer not to perpetuate it.

- Where is he? Why'd we stop? - We're sorry, folks.

Apparently, someone has chewed through our control panel, as well as our PA Guy! Snuzzle me for protection! Are you nuts? I'm not gonna Oh, no! Mr.

Jenkins! Where'd you go? Big fella! No! We gotta go after him! But we can't make it up that thing.

We can't, but we will.

Mr.

Snerz, it seems losing this pet Flemur had quite an effect on you.

You mentioned that you and your mother were never the same? We haven't spoken since.

Wait a minute.

You haven't spoken to your own mother since you were six years old? - Correct.

- Not even on holidays? - Of course not.

- Not on her birthday? Especially not on her birthday.

- Not even on Mother's Day? - Actually, yes.

Hello? Mama Snerz? Is your refrigerator running in a satisfactory manner, because if so, you should attempt to catch it! Yes, this is not your son.

Goodbye.

Hervey? Ah, sick burn! No one stands between me and my pets, not even my own mother! Because, as I always say, if you love something, tie it down.

It's even the title of my autobiography, available now at all good book shops, and the bad book shops, too.

Big girls Don't cry They don't cry Don't walk away Hey, Mom.

Do you think we'll ever see Sam and Guy again? Not if I can help it.

We don't need people like that in our lives, E.

B.

That Guy! Said he wanted us to be safe, but you know what I bet? I bet they're relaxing somewhere, having a really great time, not a care in the whole world! We're gonna die! We're gonna die! Okay, Michellee's peeved.

You can't blame her for that.

But don't forget the Goat about to splat our guys flat! Guy! We made it! All we have to do now is climb over that oddly-placed boulder-type of structure positioned directly atop us.

You two think you can defile my wheels and abscond with my cargo? - And get away with it? - That's our friend.

You can-eater! The old man can wait.

I'm gonna take my time with the two of you.

Guy! Tell my mother I love her, and that I'm sorry about the juice that I spilled on the rug! How am I gonna tell your mother anything when I'm about to die, too? Good point.

Someone tell our mothers we love them! We love them! We love them! Mama! Mama! Mama! We love them! We love them! Huh? Whoa! Did you know he could do that? You should see what he does to a hotel room.

No! Mr.

Jenkins! Hotel room Fetch! Play fetch! Mr.

Jenkins! Play fetch! Fetch, Jenkins! Fetch! Play fetch! Let's go! What do we do? Hop on in! - What? - Hurry! This would make a lovely postcard.

You think he made it? I'm not staying around to find out.

Let's go.

I'm sorry to surprise you like this, Ma Snerz, but this story about your son and the Flemur, is it true? Not exactly.

Hervey still blames me for losing that poor Flemur of his, but the truth is my heart just couldn't bear to tell him what really happened that night.

Come on! Come on! He loved that little pet so much.

I swear he He just about smothered it to death.

Woo! I felt badly for the little chap.

Everyone deserves to be loved, but not that much.

I knew little Hervey would be devastated if he ever found out that his only friend had left him.

Oh.

So, I told him that I accidentally left the door open.

But I'm afraid Hervey never looked at me the same after that.

But I would rather my little boy never forgive his own mother than never forgive himself.

Is the neck hole small enough? Oh, yes, Mr.

Snerz.

What about the tail? Oh, the tail is definitely secure, sir! So my Chickeraffe will never be able to leave me? Yes, Mr.

Snerz! Never, Mr.

Snerz! Never ever! So, I'll just, um hang out here, I guess.

My fur is frozen.

- Guy, look! - Huh? A bus station! Comin' through! Excuse me, Ted.

Pardon me, Susan.

Love that luggage! Green eggs and ham! Let's make that for everyone! - Yay! - Comin' up! What are you doing? All good, AB! Avalanche buddy.

It's on the Goat, who was also kind enough to purchase us this new, unremarkable attache sold at most major stores and bus stations.

And, sir, I'm gonna take my GE & H in a protein smoothie to go, please.

My best bud here and I are doing the next bus to Stovepipe Junction.

Stovepipe? No, no! There's gotta be a better route! Too late! Already bought the tickets! The 5:17 bus to Stovepipe Junction is now available for boarding.

Oh.

I don't feel so good.

I told you not to order that monstrosity.

Looks like someone couldn't finish their Ham-Egg-Edon.

Sorry.

You won't be making it to the Wall of Fame.

Well, I guess the only thing to do now is call up the Bigman, and admit we lost the targets, and are left with no possible way to track their undeterminable whereabouts.

They have the animal.

Now we just need to figure out which way they went.

Oh, the Chickeraffe guys? Oh, yeah, they were just a couple of ordinary Garys.

One had a half oatmush, another had green eggs and nothing.

Green eggs and nothing.

Green eggs and nothing.

Green eggs and nothing.

Uh, well, this is the only evidence they left behind.

Green eggs and ham.

And ham.

I underestimated these two.

- They're a couple of masterminds.

- Masterminds.

I know how to track him.

Hey, guitar player Mmm New York's number-one cut creator Uh-huh, uh-huh Hey, speed skater T-t-t-t-take a right Let's put an ad in the papers Uh Backflip You know what to do Ooh Backflip You know what to do Ooh, let your freak flag fly Watch me backflip Watch me backflip Let me work my magic Let me work my magic Watch me backflip Watch me backflip Let me work my magic