01x10 - House

[bunniefuu]

Hey, guitar player Watch me backflip Watch me backflip Let me work my magic If you only knew How to laugh and dance Whether you're a pancakes Or waffles man We still got a whole lot left to learn If you only knew If you only knew We'll do something new Start a snowball fight in June If you only knew If you only knew Watch me backflip Watch me backflip Let me work my magic If you only knew How the game has changed You'd think it's kind of nice Even when it rains But take any advice With a grain of salt If you only knew If you only knew Watch me backflip Watch me backflip Let me work my magic Let me work my magic Watch me backflip Watch me backflip Let me work my magic [narrator]

McWinkle had done it.

The code had been cracked.

A way to track Sam by the food he had snacked.

[McWinkle]

Green eggs and ham.

Green eggs and ham.

Green eggs and ham! Three orders of green eggs and ham, coming right up! What? No! I didn't order that.

- Uh-oh, someone is hangry.

- [bell dings]

I'm not hangry, Gluntz.

I'm happy.

- Well, that's a first.

- Because I just caught our man.

- Where? Where is he? - [grunts]

Take a hard look at those photos, rookie, and tell me what you see.

Sam-I-Am eating his favorite dish.

Just like he did at the Half-Off Restaurant, and in the car, and in jail.

Yeah, I figured that out, like, three episodes ago.

- [bell dings]

- [Gluntz gasps]

- If we were to track everybody - [growls]

who ordered green eggs and ham Another order of green eggs and ham! I bet we'd be able to track down Sam! Yeah.

Now, let's stop gabbing and start tracking, 'cause it's time to finish my one last job.

- Hmm? - Four orders of green eggs and ham! - [bell dings]

- Uh-oh.

[growls]

[Sam slurping]

Mmm.

Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! [slurping]

Mmm.

[laughs]

- Mmm.

- Pretty sure it's done.

Where are my manners? I didn't offer you any.

I'll be fine.

Are you sure? 'Cause there's still a few driblets left.

And driblets are the best part! Yuck! Ah! Mmm.

Oh! Look! Guy! We're almost to Stovepipe Junction.

[Guy]

Ooh, no need to spend time there.

- We'll just move on to Meepville.

- What? No.

We gotta check out the Junction.

Fludzner's Guide says it's lovely this time of year.

Great for families, couples, and - best friends on the run.

- [grunts]

We could head downtown for a promenade.

- Mr.

Jenkins loves antiquing.

- [squawks]

There's a hotel right near the bus station, so there's no need to venture into town where we might be seen.

Gotcha.

Seen by whom? We're fugitives.

I'm worried about anyone seeing us.

And downtown, you know, it's super busy on Bangsday.

Hmm, for a guy who doesn't know a lot about Stovepipe Junction, you sure know a lot about Stovepipe Junction.

[narrator]

Sam slurped the driblets from the base of his cup, knowing with Guy and Stovepipe, something was up.

All right, listen up, people.

What I want from each and every one of you It's just me, sir! is a hard target search of every restaurant, diner, cafe, bistro, chow shack, gravy trough, greasy spoon, clean spork, dodgy Kn*fe, and hen house in the area.

I want to know every green egg purchase from here to Flam.

We find those eggs, we find Sam.

[Gluntz]

Got it! Tell me, Gluntz.

What do you got? It's a boatneck! And it's extra itchy.

[Guy]

The hotel's around the bend.

How can you tell? That brim is pulled down so low, it is scraping the sidewalk.

Trust me.

- Hey! Aren't you - No.

I'm not.

- Whoa! - [Guy]

Bye-bye.

Guy, I think he knows you.

We are wanted men.

- Do you remember? - Hey! It's Guy.

Hey! It's gal.

Hmm.

What? That's how they say hello in Stovepipe.

[Sam humming]

Two rooms for the night.

Sure thing.

[humming softly]

Uh-oh.

Sorry, but I've only got one room left.

- You'll have to share.

- [Sam]

Perfect! Slumber party! - Mmm.

- [desk clerk]

Oh, excellent.

If you wait just a second while I run your card [card scanner beeps]

[desk clerk chuckles softly]

Dillikins! What dillikins? I'm terribly sorry, Mr.

, uh Goat.

That's me.

[chuckles nervously]

[bleats]

But I'm afraid your card has been reported stolen.

Gasp! That means the Goat survived the avalanche.

I survived the avalanche! [shredder whirring]

[Sam and Guy gasp]

Ahh! Thanks for visiting Motel Snerz.

Come again soon.

"Motel Snerz.

" I'm a Quintuple Stainless Member.

Two million points ought to buy us one room.

Ho! Absolutely, sir! Oh, unfortunately, you no longer have two million points.

They were used to pay for damages to a room at our Glurfsburg location.

Destroyed one vase.

Priceless.

Destroyed a second vase.

More priceless.

Oh, boy! - [desk clerk]

Destroyed a third vase.

- This guy can really party.

- [desk clerk]

Even more priceless.

- Just tears it up.

- It was Jenkins.

- [Jenkins giggling]

You owe us 17,000 points.

How would you like to pay for that, Mr Am-I.

Guy-Am-I? - Huh? - Oh, no way! It's me! Chad Bernacke! Stovepipe High! Go Meloners! Baa-rup! Baa-rup! Uh, sorry, pal.

You've got the wrong guy.

- [exclaims]

- Yeah.

I guess that makes sense.

I mean, the Guy I knew was completely different.

Most likely to try: Guy.

A four-time varsity try athlete.

President of the Young Inventors of Non-Exploding Inventions Club.

Guy! This is you! You're from Stovepipe! Sort of.

[exhales]

Maybe.

I knew it was you! Man, time has not been kind.

Those are some serious scowl lines.

How long has it been since you've been back? [gasps]

Is your family still here? - Hm-mmm, nope.

- [Chad]

That's weird.

Because I saw your dad the other day at the supermarket.

He was with your mother, and your brothers, nephews, nieces, grand-uncle Guyverson, grand-aunt Guyvereen Thank you, Chad.

You've been just a tremendous help.

Fine.

My family does still live here.

This is great! We can stay with them! No, absolutely not.

We have to, Guy.

We have no place else to go.

Ugh! [sighs]

I have an idea.

Oh! Light bulb moment! Great seeing you! Even if you are a shell of your former self! Yeah, I remember him.

He had the green eggs and ham on thin crust.

Sure.

Grabbed a dozen green eggs and some hamsickles.

[in Spanish]

Oh, yes.

The green eggs with ham.

[woman]

He loved our green eggs and ham.

Green eggs and ham.

- Green eggs - And ham.

[Gluntz]

This hat ring a bell? Oh, sure.

Yeah, yeah.

A fellow was just here, ordered the Green eggs and ham? - One order of green eggs and ham.

- No! No order.

Ooh, the little man bought us some, and they were scrump-licious! Yeah, you really should try it.

Oh, dillikins! How exactly did the little man pay for all these folks' yolks? Mr.

Goat charged it on his card.

Hmm? Did you say "Goat"? Yes, Goat.

Goat.

Yes.

[stammers]

See? [Gluntz gasps]

They say the Goat is the BOAT! The bestest of all time.

This means Someone's been replaced.

Someone's been replaced.

And if the Goat gets his hooves on the target before us Then we'll have failed at my one last job.

[grunting]

[yells]

The little man! Tell me where he's headed! They took the 2:17 to Stovepipe Junction.

You could have just asked.

You're right.

I'm sorry.

You've been nothing but helpful.

I just get very excited.

- My partner is really close to retiring.

- Hmm.

- [Gluntz]

Oh, my gosh! You have shakes.

- [chuckles]

[Gluntz]

Can I get a large shake to go? Fludzner's Guide says this is the perfect time of year to visit, what with the leaves just starting to turn.

And then they fall off and die.

Okay.

So you're in a mood.

This is the house.

That is not a house.

That, my friend, is a home.

[loudly]

You're home, Guy! [yelps]

[grunts]

Keep it down.

Oh, sorry.

Didn't mean to spoil the surprise.

There won't be a surprise.

We're not staying in that house.

Oh, why not? - [squawks]

- That's why not.

The people in there won't be proud that I'm harboring a stolen, dangerous beast.

By people you mean your family, and I'm sure they'd No, they're tough.

I've always been a failure in their eyes.

Finding out I'm a fugitive would just be the icing on top of big, fat failure cake.

Well, if we're not staying there, then why'd you bring a Oh, double gasp! I always wanted a tree house! - Me too.

So I built one.

- [gasps]

[Sam shouting]

You made this?! [Guy]

Shh! When I was younger.

I need to be in that tree house right now! Wait.

Where's the ladder? There is none.

[scanning]

[beeping]

[buzzing]

Wait.

Why didn't it work? I was happier as a child.

[growls]

[moans]

- Boo! - [laughing]

[scanning]

[beeps]

[gasps]

Whoa! Ohh! Wow.

[gasps]

- [Guy]

Don't! - [gasps]

This place is filled with booby traps.

One false move, and boom! It'll all blow.

You were a weird kid.

And you're a weird adult.

- Arms in.

- Why come? You might want to hold on.

Whoa! Whoo! Duck.

Unduck.

Whoa! [giggles]

The final security measure is the secret handshake.

[buzzes]

Only way in is if you know it.

So, pay attention.

[snaps fingers]

Bang.

Did you follow that? Uh, yeah! Ruh-ha! [narrator]

But Sam did a snap when he needed a clonk, and a tap when it called for a high-fiving thonk.

Ow! - Nailed it! - [buzzer sounds]

[narrator]

Guy's face looks like that, 'cause he knows what comes soon.

The alarm.

[alarm blares]

[narrator]

And the lights.

Whoa! [both grunting]

[narrator]

Here it comes.

[squawking]

[narrator]

The yogurt balloons! We have to leave now, unless you want a worse disaster.

What's worse than yogurt? - [all scream]

- [man]

Stop right there! [Sam]

Oh, baguette.

He's got a baguette! Yes, officer.

One has a crumpled hat, weathered fur, and [gasps]

Oh, my stars! Guy? Guy! Oh, Guy, it's you! [sighs]

Son, you're home! [mother]

Oh, my little boy! - Welcome back.

- Oh.

Oh, so good to see you.

Hey, it's Uncle Guy! All right! He's back! - Welcome home, Uncle Guy.

- Oh, I miss you.

- This is awesome! - You got a little chubby there.

Greatest family ever! [narrator]

On that point, Guy would disagree.

For when it came to his family, there was no place less that he'd rather be.

[sizzling]

Little late-night snack coming up for everybody.

- Yay! - Yeah! Oh, it's so good to have you back, grandson.

[laughs]

Look at that cute little face! - [laughs]

Hey.

- [laughs]

Here you go, little brother.

Ma kept it set for you all these years.

[grumbles]

That is too sweet, Mrs.

Am-I.

Do you want it? - Mmm.

- [gulps]

- [popping]

- [children laugh]

I think it's noble what you two are doing for that creature.

[chuckles]

That's funny, because Guy said, "They'll all think I'm a failure cake.

" And I was like, "Really? 'Cause they're you're family.

" And he was all like, "No, they're all frea" Who wants green eggs and ham? - Me! - I do! Yay! [man 1]

Me, me, me! - [man 2]

Oh, yeah! Now we're talking.

- [man 3]

My favorite.

- [woman]

Oh, that's so good! - [man 3]

Just like grandma used to make.

[all]

Mmm! - I can't believe it.

- [Sam]

Wow! Your family really seems to like green eggs and ham.

[chuckles]

Speaking of which, I know we've been through this once or twice, but I thought now might be a good time.

They are really good in a house.

This one especially.

So it's a maybe then? Right.

Am-I's, tell me about Am-You's.

Here we go.

[sighs]

Well, Guy's pa here is the breadwinner of the family.

- [triumphant music plays]

- [crowd cheering]

Breadwinner! Now, now, don't sell yourself short, honey.

My wife is quite the homemaker.

[straining]

[grunting]

And Guy's brothers here are real movers and shakers.

Mmm.

Eh? [grunting]

That's nothing.

Back in his day, Grandpa moved mountains.

[laughing]

There we go.

Where do I put this? Wow, Guy! I had no idea you had such an impressive family! Oh, Guy's the impressive one.

He's always been so creative.

[scoffs]

"Creative.

" What they really mean is failure.

[mother]

That's not true.

Why, you should have seen Guy as a child.

Oh, the stories I could tell.

Go right ahead, and please, make it as embarrassing as possible.

Oh, he was such an imaginative boy.

Yeah, he put butter on the slide, so we'd go down faster, eh? He invented a de-weeder to get rid of our weeds.

And a Cantaloupeapult to get rid of our cantaloupes.

- That's right.

- The Cantaloupeapult! [chuckles]

I forgot about that.

Because it was a long time ago, back when my things actually worked.

I want to be an inventor just like you when I grow up, Uncle Guy.

You know what inventing leads to? Disappointment and singed fur.

Trust me.

Avoid years of failure and be a breadwinner like your grandpa, all right? Oh.

Uh, all right.

So, what's the next big idea, Guy? There isn't any.

I'm done inventing.

I've settled for a stable job as a Paint Watcher.

- [all murmuring]

- Paint Watcher? What does he mean? Paint Watcher.

Well, that doesn't sound inventive at all.

This is Guy we're talking about.

I'm sure he has a creative way of watching paint.

I know.

You paint a painting first, before you watch it.

No, someone else does the painting.

No, no, no, no, I get it.

I get it.

But once you watch it, you describe what you see in vivid detail.

No, I just say when it's dry.

Uh, right, and that's when you take it and invent something special.

No! No more inventing! I'm a Paint Watcher now.

So you can all stop feeling sorry for me, all right? [door opens and slams shut]

[mother]

Oh, dillikins! I'm afraid we've said something wrong.

Dillikins, indeed.

I'll go have a talk with the boy.

If you don't mind, sir, I'd like to give it a sh*t.

Something tells me this might be more of a Sam kind of job.

Oh, Guy's lucky to have you as a best friend.

He tells me that all the time.

[knocking]

Guy? I brought you something to eat.

It's your favorite.

[Guy]

Leave me alone.

Uh, we are alone.

[Guy]

Well, you don't know the secret handshake, so you're not allowed in.

Mm-hmm.

[snaps fingers]

[Guy]

You botched it before on purpose.

Yep, I did.

I thought it'd be good if you saw your family.

[Guy]

You thought wrong.

[Sam]

You know, i-if you want to be alone right now, that's that's fine.

But I don't think you do.

[Sam grunting]

You can invent an elevator and a security system, but you still got a rope ladder.

Kind of dark up here, don't you think? [Guy]

The lights are powered by pinwheel.

Pinwheel? Oh! Guy this is the most wonderful I love a good sheet tent.

Back when I was a kid, I built one with my mom.

Yeah, we'd We'd snuzzle up tight, and she'd make shadow puppets on the wall.

[Guy]

Sounds like an amazing family.

Just like yours.

[Guy]

They're amazing, all right.

That's the problem.

They're They're all huge successes, and the only thing I've ever succeeded at is failure.

At least you're the best at something, right? You heard how they are with me, all the phony flattery.

What they really mean is I'm a disappointment.

Always have been.

That's not true.

[Guy]

You don't have to say that.

Guy, I mean it.

You never disappointed them.

They're just a little sad to see you give up, because they know how great and creative you are, and they hate to see you throw that away.

They love you, Guy.

Believe me.

You're lucky to have them.

[sighs]

You don't understand.

I do.

[sighs]

I know exactly how lucky you are because I never had a family.

What did you say? I made it all up.

But what about the sheet tent story with your mom? There was never a sheet tent.

Or the stuffed animals she bought you at the fair, and and the juice you spilled that you were sorry for, and your imaginary friend, Reggie, who she pretended was real? I made him up, too.

I never told anybody this before, but when I was very little, my mom left me at an orphanage.

It's always just been me.

I mean, at least until I met you.

Do you remember anything about your parents? I remember my mom a little.

Just one thing.

What? It's not important.

Go ahead.

It's silly.

Sam.

She made me breakfast.

I bet hers were really good.

The best.

Really green.

Super eggy.

I've been trying to find her all these years, so I could ask why, you know? Why she gave me up.

[chuckles sadly]

I'm sure it's a good reason.

I just really want to know.

So I keep ordering them, and I keep trying them.

But they're never hers.

Keep trying, Sam.

I will.

Hey, Sam? Hmm? If you see my family, tell them I said goodnight.

[Guy blows pinwheel]

Hmm.

[snoring]

[thunder rumbles]

[telephone ringing]

[Sam on phone]

It's me.

You'll have the Chickeraffe on schedule, as promised, Mr.

Snerz.

Splendid! Absolutely splendid! [laughing evilly]

[laughing continues through phone]

[thunder rumbles]

[narrator]

Oh, my goodness! I'm speechless.

- [sighs]

- [narrator]

It's such a surprise.

The one working for Snerz wasn't the BADGUYS.

It was Sam all this time.

Right in front of our eyes.

Hey, guitar player Mmm New York's number-one cut creator Uh-huh, uh-huh Hey, speed skater T-t-t-t-take a right Let's put an ad in the papers Uh Backflip You know what to do Ooh Backflip You know what to do Ooh, let your freak flag fly Watch me backflip Watch me backflip Let me work my magic Let me work my magic Watch me backflip Watch me backflip Let me work my magic