02x14 - Two's Company

[bunniefuu]

This is me, eliza thornberry

Part of your average family.

I got a dad, a mom,
and a sister.

There is donnie-- we found him.

And darwin?
He found us.

( Jabbering )

Oh, yeah, about our house--
it moves

'Cause we travel
all over the world.

You see, my dad hosts
this nature show

And my mom sh**t it.

Okay, so we're not that average.

( Panting )

And between you and me

Something amazing happened...

And now I can talk to animals.

It's really cool

But totally secret.

And you know what?

Life's never been the same.

And there he sits

In all his hard-shelled glory--
lonesome jake

The last of his species.

Ta-ta, jake.

When you are gone,
there shall be no more.

And cut!
That's a take.

( Donnie jabbering )

Excuse me,
but what happened

To all the other tortoises
like lonesome jake?

Many years ago

Seafaring vessels would stop
at the galapagos islands

And make away with
tortoises for food.

In time, some species
were wiped out.

You mean people k*lled them off?

Hi, I'm eliza.

Are you talking
to me?

Uh-huh-- how you doing?

Uh, things are looking good.

I mean, any day now
I'll be hitching up

And starting a family.

Don't you know?

You're the last one
of your species.

I am?

There won't be
any more like you ever.

There won't?!

Well, just when everything

Was going along so well

I find out I'm
the end of the line.

I need a few minutes
by myself.

I want to remember
better times.

I really am sorry.

Maybe we should give
him a little privacy

Before we tell him
something else
he doesn't know.

I feel terrible.

Not as bad as he does.

There's got to be
another one somewhere, dar

There's just got to be,
maybe even a female.

Then they could
have babies

And the species
won't die out.

Eliza:
dar, I've asked every animal
in this forest.

I can't believe
no one's ever seen

Another giant tortoise.

( Chirping )

Hey, you know that tortoise
that lives over there?

Jake, the tortoise?
Sure.

I know everybody.

Have you ever seen
any other tortoises

Like him before?

You're asking the right bird.

I'm pretty sure I did.

Where?

Over there.

The place with water
all around.

An island?

The galapagos.

We were just there.

But which island?

What does it look like?

Well, it was big

And there was a hill
that smelled like fire.

A volcano! We saw one
on the isle of isabela.

That's got to be it.

The tortoise was
inside the hill.

Inside?!

That is what I said, yes.

When I flew over,
I saw it at the bottom.

Did you notice
if it was a female?

I don't know.

How can you tell?

Good question.

Thanks!

Mom and dad are
going to love this!

Debbie, watch donnie
while we're gone.

Oh, that's, like,
my destiny.

Eliza, this tortoise--

Are you sure
you don't remember

If it was a female?

Uh, how can
you tell?

Ha! There's a sticky wicket!

( Donnie jabbers,
plane roars away )

Okay, donnie, let's
review all the rules:

Leave me alone.

That ought to cover
everything.

( Babbling )

( Babbling and chewing )

Ew! Okay, that is it!

You just made it into
my "why am I miserable" collage.

( Sighs with exasperation )

( Jabbering )

( Sniffing )

( Crunching )

Fine, donnie,
eat my food, ruin my life

As long as it keeps you busy.

( Screams )

You are so not donnie.

Donnie?!

( Jabbering )

( Babbling )

( Slurps )

( Jabbering )

( Growls )

( Yelping )

( Whines )

( Jabbering )

( Jabbering continues,
then thud )

( Babbling )

( Laughing )

Eliza:
that's the volcano!

We have to go down.

Lucky us.

( Darwin whimpers )

( Gasps )

Dar, look!

We found it!

Hello? Hello?

You don't
have to yell.

I'm not deaf.

A female!
A female!

What?

I'm eliza,
what's your name?

My name's samantha.

Well, samantha, have I got
good news for you!

Really?

I bet you've been
down here for a long time

Wondering if you're
the last tortoise.

What?! The last one?

That never occurred
to me before.

No, no, no, no, no.

You're not the last one.

In fact... In fact, I found
a tortoise just like you

And if it's okay,
I'd like to take you to him.

Him?! Hmm, you mean a male?

Yep.

Goodness, I haven't
seen one of them
in summers.

I was starting to think
I'd never lay any eggs.

( Chuckling )

Who knows?

Maybe I'll have a family
before I get old.

That's the plan, sam.

( Voices murmuring )

( Humming )

It's wonderful!
It's great!
It's
history-making.

Excuse me, sir, could
I borrow your camera?

I can't hardly
believe my eyes.

And she was discovered
by eliza thornberry.

That's eliza
with a "z."

Psst! It's me-- eliza.

What's going on
around here?

Well, you're not
going to believe this.

We found another tortoise
just like you-- a female

And she's here.

A... A female?! Really?

It's been so long.

I forgot what they look like.

Don't worry, she's the
only other one in a shell.

Ready to meet
the tortoise of
your dreams?

Baby, let me at him!

This is going
to be great!

Nigel:
dear, we'd stir up
such a commotion.

The foundation's going
to eat this footage up!

Today is a magical day
in the annals of tortoisedom.

Let's observe as the last
two members of their species

See one another
for the very first time.

Just think, dar

I just saved an entire
species from extinction.

( Snoring )

( Snoring )

My, how fast these
four hours have flown.

Marianne:
hold it.

Nigel, things
aren't progressing.

Maybe we should do
some more research

On the habits
of tortoises.

You're right, love, there must
be dozens of things we can do

( Chuckling ):
to, well, help them along.

And science will
hold the key.

I got to find out
what's going on.

( Snores, then gasps )

Tell them they'd better hurry

If they plan to have
babies this century.

What's going on?

What do you mean?

I'm just taking my time
before making the move.

How much time do you need?

Hey, I'm a tortoise, remember?

Don't worry,
I got a plan.

I'm going to stick out
my neck and roar at her.

Roar?!

Yeah, I'll roar
so loud

Her head will spin.

No, don't do that.

You want her
to like you.

Besides, tortoises
don't roar-- lions roar.

What? You sure about that?

Sure I'm sure.

Just be nice to her,
that's all.

Everything will
turn out great.

Now, don't move.

Hey, sam, you want to
help get things moving?

I don't know
about that.

I thought things
were going swell.

I should stay
right here.

I have a feeling you've
got to approach him

To get things rolling.

Are you sure?

That doesn't feel right.

Look, I'm sure, trust me.

( Yells ):
donnie? Where are you?

I can't yell at you
if I can't find you!

( Babbling )

( Jabbering )

( Growling )

( Jabbering in panic )

( Babbling )

( Babbling and cooing )

( Jabbering )

( Growls )

( Gulps, then babbles )

( Low growling and babbling )

( Giggling )

These bright light bulbs
can create an illusion

Of a sunny spring day--
perfect mating weather.

And if we play a recording
of the proper birds

They're bound to feel
the time is right.

Nigel, look, the tortoises!

Yes, I believe I detect
a bit of motion.

Quick, we have
to film this.

Wait for me.

Ah, cupid's arrow seems
to have landed squarely

On the shells of two
very special tortoises.

Let's watch.

( Gasps )

( Photographers gasp )

Where's
he going?

Darwin:
away from her.

( All gasp louder )

( Photographers mumbling
in dismay )

Oh, this is a disaster.

And what am I supposed
to tell the foundation?

All's not lost
yet, darling.

Back to the tortoise
research center.

Don't they want
to be saved?

What's the problem?

Who does she
think she is?

What do you mean?

I may not be
as young as I was

But I know when a female
isn't interested in me.

Who gave you
that idea?

Her!

Oh, you've got it
all wrong.

She just came over
to see if...

That's what I mean.

No female tortoise should
ever approach a male.

What got
in her head?

Uh... Look, I'll talk to her.

Samantha, I've got
to tell you...

Never in my life

Has a male ever
treated me that way.

In what way?

( Stammering ):
he... He...

He never roared.

Maybe that's because
tortoises don't roar.

Whose shell have you
been under all your life?

Everybody knows
a male tortoise roars

When he finds
a female he likes.

That awful jake.

I'm swearing off
males forever.

It's not worth
the trouble.

You can't do that.

Look, things
will get better.

Tell me you'll
give it one more try.

I will if he will.

Yes!

She hates me.

No, you just have
to give it another sh*t.

Well, I will
if she will.

She will, she will.

( Nigel quietly reading aloud )

These fans can create
the perfect humidity

For tortoise love.

And wait till our
hard-shelled friends smell

What I've concocted--

The unmistakable aroma
of springtime.

( Sniffs )

( Photographers exclaiming )

Nigel, quick!

The tortoises.

Action!

Last of their species.

Go, baby, go.

( Low playful roar )

Ow!

Eliza, he's biting her.

This is too much.

( Excitedly ):
oh, look.

( Groans )

( Both gasp )

( Photographers murmuring )

Boodles, what exactly
are you doing?

He was biting her.

That's what tortoises do, lovey.

It's a part
of their mating ritual.

( Chortles )

Is this as bad
as it looks?

I'm through
with females!

Good, I'm through
with males.

Darwin, I think I just
wiped out an entire species.

Guys, I got
to tell you something.

I know you're not exactly
getting along right now

But that's not because of you.

It's because of me.

I was the one who
told samantha to move

And told jake not to roar.

I'm sorry, it's all my fault.

Look, if you want to be mad
at anybody, be mad at me

Not at each other.

Jake?

( Grunts )

Samantha?

( Clears throat )

Oh...

( Babbling )

( Growls )

( Grunts )

( Grunts )

( Babbling )

( Snarls )

( Growls )

( Coos )

( Both smacking lips loudly )

I hope
all this works.

Something better.

I assure you,
your mother and I

Have everything
under control

To create the
ideal environment

For a romantic
evening--

Fans, recordings,
aromas.

I've even brought a sunny day.

( Lights click on )

Now, all we need is
24 cubic yards of mud

And some enticing turtle treats.

Donnie!

Donnie!

Oh, where are you, kid?

Debbie:
donnie!

( Roars )

Donnie!

Donnie!

Donnie!

( Growls ferociously )

( Debbie screams )

Let me be dreaming this.

( Screeches )

( Babbling )

Oh, donnie.

You found a girl donnie?

( Shutter clicks )

( Growls )

Nice kitty.

Easy, now.

Okay, donnie, time to go home.

Go home with debbie?

( Purrs )

It's time
to come home.

Please?

Things would be way too boring
without you.

( Donnie babbles excitedly )

You are such
a royal pain in the...

Okay, okay, okay.

I'm happy
to see you, too.

Come on, jungle boy,
let's go.

The time is now.

( Tape playing
pleasant bird sounds )

I'll just lay down
these yummies

And just give our lady
a little push

To get things going.

Uh, dad...

How about jake instead?

Aren't boy tortoises always
supposed to make the first move?

Oh, of course, dear.

What was I thinking
in this excitement?

( Groans )

You, uh... Want to share
this food with me?

There's plenty.

Okay.

Oh, yes, good.

Splendid.

All right, everyone--

Now!

( Crashing; screaming )

( Low roar )

For me?

Oh, that was
a very nice roar.

Thank you.

Ooh!

A little to the left.

Perfect.

Mom! Dad! Look!

Hmm?

Marianne:
got it.

( Donnie babbling )

You're not going
to believe this.

Wait till I show you
this picture.

It's going to freak you out.

( Groans ):
it's gone!

But you've got to see it.

Oh, don't worry.

It'll turn up
somewhere.