02x02 - Tinker Tailor Mother Spy

[bunniefuu]

[orchestral pop
theme song playing]

♪ A secret story
Somewhere in time ♪

♪ An unsolved mystery
Playing in your mind ♪

♪ A time for action A
fire we must light ♪

♪ A new beginning A
tale we must write ♪

♪ So come with me
It's now or never ♪

♪ So come with me Let's
do this together ♪

♪ Come with me On
this adventure ♪

♪ Come with me Let
this last forever ♪

♪ So come with me ♪

[laughing]

[narrator] Back to our show
and its big twist-o-rama,

where Sam has just found
his dear long-lost...

Mama!

[grunts]

[Pam groans]

- [Sam grunts]
- [Pam panting]

Who do you work for?

Wait, did you say "Mama"?

It's me, your son, Sam I-Am!

[soaring music playing]

- [inhales]
- [gasps]

[squeals]

[laughs hysterically]

Okay, so we're both huggers.

No, we're not.

[action music playing]

[both gasp]

Ow! Oh! Ah!

[grunting continues]

- What's with her?
- [laughing]

Tickle darts. Absolute t*rture.

[dart whooshes]

Get down!

[yelps] Huh?

- [cackles hysterically]
- [gasps]

- Tickle darts!
- [both gasp]

[all screaming]

[townsman 1] Run for your life!

[townsman 2] Tickle darts!

[clamoring]

Stay on my six.

[animal laughing]

Dive left!

[groans]

[groans]

Sweet barrel roll, Mom!

"Mom." I really
like saying that!

Mom, Mom, Mom.

- [laughing hysterically]
- [crowd screaming]

[inhales, blows]

- Mom, Mom…
- [clangs]

Rad!

Okay, Guy, this
is just overkill.

Overkill is what your mother will
do to me if you ever get hurt.

k*ll me over and over again.

Who are you, some kind
of wanted criminal?

It's okay if you are.
We I-Ams don't judge.

Or do we? You tell me. [Laughs]

[gasps] Where are my manners?

Introductions are in order.

This is my best friend in
the whole world, Guy Am-I,

and his heavily fortified
stepdaughter, Miss E.B.-Weebie Am-I.

Uh, I don't normally
dress like this,

and your whole vibe is
really working for me.

[gasps] You're gonna whip me
up some green eggs and ham!

No, I'll be using this for
something far more important.

Hold your position.

[action music playing]

[intense music playing]

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

[inhales]

[blowing]

- [darts whooshing]
- [grunting]

- [pans clanging]
- [yelling]

[grunts, laughs]

[laughs]

[grunts]

Ha-ha! [Gulps]

[laughs]

[scattered laughter]

Wow!

- Huh?
- [gasps]

Look out!

Ah! [Groans]

Relax. Sylvester's on our side.

Would you please just
tell us what's going on?

I'm going to say this once, clearly
and quickly. No interruptions.

I am an international super spy.

[squeals]

Sorry.

[imitates zipping, chuckles]

I work for the nation of Yookia.

As do I.

You see, my name is
Sylvester Van Vester.

I live with my wife, Hester,

and our seven beautiful
children, all named Lester,

and our adorable gerbil,

- Allan.
- [Allan squeaks]

[Sylvester] Yookia
is a lovely country,

but we live in constant fear
of att*ck from the Zooks.

Luckily, we are all
protected by the wall,

but if those Zooks were to get
their hands on the Moo-Lacka-Moo...

[all] Who-Macka-Who?

[Sylvester]The Moo-Lacka-Moo.
It's dangerous stuff.

And if they ever get it,
we'll be defenseless.

[Pam] Lesson's over.
We've got company.

- [gasps]
- [goon 1] Freeze, ya filthy Yooks!

Wait, wait, wait! There's been
a misunderstanding! We're not...

Yooks forever!

[chuckles]

[all blowing]

[whizzing]

[gasps] What do we do?

[slingshot straining]

Get down!

Find the Moo-Lacka-Moo.

I will hold them off.

[Guy] Ah!

Stay strong, brother.

Go.

[all inhale]

[darts whistling]

[hysterical laughter]

[Sylvester] Find
the Moo-Lacka-Moo!

Get in.

- [gasps, giggles]
- What? E.B., wait!

I just want you to know,
this escape plan is rad.

Rad is what I do. Get
in the basket, kiddo.

Why are we getting
in these things?

Just trust me.

I don't.

But I do!

So, what's the deets
on the escape plan?

[Pam] We're keeping quiet.

[Sam] Copy that. Not
gonna say a word.

Super quiet.

- [goon 2] You there!
- [brakes squeal]

We need to search your baskets.

Those two. Unload them.

Son of a yip.

[suspenseful music playing]

[footsteps approaching]

Hmm.

"Sorry"? Sorry for what?

[cooing]

Aw. It's adorable!

[chuckles]

[screams]

[narrator] Don't laugh. With a Skunake
on your face, you'd surely scream too.

Looks like Pam I-Am
pulled the old switcheroo.

[sitar music playing]

Now that we're finally alone
for the very first time,

I have a question that I've been
waiting my whole life to ask you.

What is your favorite color,
animal, and eau de cologne?

That's classified.

Of course, of course. Spy stuff.

Green, chickeraffe, and
Dominance for Men by Snerz,

those are my faves, FYI.

We should probably
keep our voices down.

Oh, in case there's
any Zooks around?

Sure.

Copy that.

I will just continue asking my lifetime
of questions in a hoarse whisper.

["Mother and Child
Reunion" playing]

What you been up to for
the past couple decades?

Where did I get my gift of gab?

Does everyone in our
family have big heads?

Who could be quieter longer?

You win!

Am I a prince? You know Reggie? He's
imaginary. Do I have bad breath?

What's love but a second-hand emotion?
Have enough space? Am I crowding you?

What's the square root of cake?
Are we just characters in a show?

Who stole the cookie from
the cookie jar? Are we there?

Is a Flerz on your head or
is it your natural hair?

Where do birds and bees come
from? Having fun? This is so fun!

What's the meaning of life?
You have a flea-nut allergy?

- Whoa!
- What? What? What is it?

[indistinct chatter]

[Guy] Woah!

[grunts]

[gabbles]

[surprised chattering]

I don't see how this
day could get any

worse.

[indistinct grumbling]

[saw buzzing]

It's okay. They're with me.

And I'm with her!

- Whoo-hoo-hoo!
- Pam!

[tribesman] Pam I-Am!

Oh my gosh!

- Pam!
- Pam I-Am!

[excited cheers]

[chanting] Pam! Pam! Pam!

Wow, you're popular here.

Okay. Okay. They're old friends.

This is where she comes to
disappear, for 20 years now!

Gobo!

[laughs]

Oy! Welcome back, my
friend. [Chuckles]

Oh! Are these prisoners? Would
you like us to t*rture them?

[snapping]

No! No. They're,
uh… working with me.

- [snaps]
- Huh?

[disappointed groans]

But Pam I-Am works alone.

It's a long story.

Yeah, it is. A
really long story!

I'm sorry. Gobo Robababobrian,
this is Guy Am-I,

his stepdaughter E.B.
Weebie Am-I, and this is…

Sam I-Am!

[grunts]

[kisses]

Oy!

I am her son.

She gave birth to me!

[confused muttering]

Pam I-Am, a mom?

It's, uh… true.

Whoo-hoo!

[all chanting]
Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam!

- Sam! Sam! Sam!
- [laughs]

We have a word in our
language, "womomateramatta."

Roughly translated, it means,

"Woman who would make
a terrible mother."

[chuckles]

I'm gonna just go
check on… over there.

- [chanting continues] Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam!
- [Sam] Whoa! Whoo!

[Sam laughing]

[mysterious music playing]

[powering up]

Hello, old friend.

[Sam] And hello to you too!

- How did you...
- Track you? [Chuckles]

I am half spy.

[sighs]

[machine whirring]

[gasping loudly]

Right. Right. That's cool.

[machine beeping]

[Sam] Oopsie! [Chuckles]

[grunts]

Oh! What does this gizmo do?

It's my spy-cycle.

I'm looking for the smutz in the
tux who stole the Moo-Lacka-Moo.

Right. So you probably
need me in order to...

- Found him.
- [beeping]

Oh man, we're good.

[sighs]

[Pam] He only has 20
zillometers on us.

I can catch up and stop him
before he gets to Zookia.

There's only one swift
way to the nearest port,

and I know exactly
how to get us there.

- [dramatic music plays]
- [Pam] Ugh!

In 12 long hours!

We're stuck here until
morning. Son of a yip!

Mom! Language!

Ah, yip.

Mom!

[powers down]

Go get ready for dinner.

Oh! I've always wanted
her to say that!

[chuckling]

Mmm!

Thanks, Gobo!

[giggles]

'Sup, Mom?

Wait.

What?

Someone managed to scrounge up all
the ingredients for green eggs and ham

and put them in this box!

What do you say, lady?
Would you make 'em for me?

Look, um, I guess you
couldn't know this,

but green eggs and ham are
kind of a big deal to this kid.

So, if you wouldn't mind just
whippin' them up real quick?

No, it would be an insult not to eat
what the Robababobrians prepared.

Oh, can't argue with that.

Couldn't we eat both?

Don't be ridiculous, Guy.

We don't want to be rude.

I fully support you and
your feelings, Mother.

But… [grumbles]

Well, for breakfast, then.

Fine. But for now, just eat.

They call it the belly melter.

Blech!

[whispers] Are you sleeping?

Shh!

[loud scraping]

Okay, I got my lovey
and I got my stuffy,

and I got my glass of water
and my all-in-one night hat.

All I need now is
a bedtime story.

[sighs]

I don't know any.

Of course you do,
you whack-a-doodle!

You're a mom.

Every mom knows a bedtime story.

Pwease?

[giggles]

[sighs]

This is not going to end until
I give you what you want, is it?

Nope.

[sighs]

Fine.

Woo! [Laughs]

Yeah!

[gentle music playing]

There once was a
boy named… Stan.

He had a very long, difficult
journey in the morning,

so he went to sleep without
asking more questions

or requesting another story.

- The end.
- [claps]

I don't want to overstate
it, but I think that was

the greatest story ever told!

[sighs]

I'm so lucky to have you as my…

[Pam snoring]

Good night, Mom.

I know you really
like Pam, but...

I wouldn't say I
really like her.

I would say that I worship her.

I'm just worried about how
she is with Sam as a mom.

Something's not right.

Well, she's not the momliest
mom that's ever mommed,

but Sam seems perfectly happy.

- We don't need so much parenting.
- Ah!

Yeah, Pam just gets it.

[yawns] She's a cool mom.

Is that right? What
does that make me?

Uh…

My stepdad.

[grumbles]

- [blows]
- [buzzing]

[Guy yelling, grunting]

[ribbitting]

Hey, pal, you doing okay?

Uh…

Oh yeah! Never better,
insomnia buddy.

I found my mom today. Duh.

How's that going,
you and your mom?

Amazing!

[chuckles] A lot of catching up.

We're really getting to know each
other on a deeply personal level.

I've asked her, like, a squadrillion
questions about herself.

That's great.

Has she asked you any
questions about you?

Uh, yes, it's been
non-stop questions.

I was like, "Whoa, lady,

enough with the questions!
What's with the third degree?"

What did she ask you?

- Well, I…
- [croaks]

I'm sure once we're alone
together on the never-ending

mother-son spy adventure our
lives are about to become,

she'll be asking me, "What's
your favorite color?"

"Want some green eggs and ham?"

"Did you go potty?"

"Did you wash your hands
after you touched that?"

You're being weird.

That's weird,

because I was gonna say
that you're being weird.

Why is it so weird?

Blech!

Because I don't trust your mom.

What?

It's just that she's caught up
in all this sneaky spy stuff.

She's a hero, Guy.

I don't know if you've heard about
the whole Yook-Zook conflict thing,

but it's a pretty big
deal. Educate yourself.

I know that, but she wouldn't
make you green eggs and ham,

and I'm worried she's
gonna disappoint you.

That's nuts. She's my mom!

I know she's your mom, but I'm not sure
that she's into being your mom right now.

She is, very into it.

Good night, Guy.

Sam, I didn't...

Good night, Sam.

[ribbitting]

It's breakfast time!

Shh!

So what's the plan?

I need to get home. I've
got a little girl here…

[clears throat] Young woman!

We're headed to the port in Ta-Gong.
You can get home safely from there.

Are you crazy?

Crossing this desert on foot?

We'll all die!

[clattering]

[wind blowing]

What time is it, Sam?

[gasps] I will gladly answer
the question you asked me, Mom.

[sighs]

It's 6:17.

Okay, get ready!

For what?

[loud rumbling]

What is that?

Our ride!

[intense music playing]

Ah!

Here we go. Hup, hup, hup!

Whoa!

[both yelling]

Ah!

What are these?

They're camelopes!
Fastest ride on four feet!

Can I please have one?

No! No.

They're ornery. Like your
stepdad. Not pet material.

How'd you know they'd be here?

I tracked this stampede on
the spy-cycle yesterday.

It's risky, but if my
calculations are correct,

we'll be in Ta-Gong in no time!

[laughs] You thought my mom was
gonna lead us on a death march!

But au contraire,
my prickly pear.

She is leading us on a
life-affirming thrill ride!

- Ja-burnt! Whoa!
- Sam!

[Sam] Make it stop! Make it
stop! Make it stop! Whoa!

[sighs] This is
why I work alone.

Hi-yah!

I'm going with her!

[Guy] Oh no, you're
not, young woman!

It's cool, Guy. I'm cool.

- Yah!
- [bellows]

Whoa! Whoa!

I am not cool!

Neither am I!

[yells] Ah!

Losing my grip!

Guy, help me!

[grunts]

Hang on!

Yah!

Whoa! Whoa!

Gotcha!

You're safe now.

[both scream]

[moos]

[Sam] Whoa!

[triumphant music playing]

[Guy and E.B.
laughing, cheering]

- [E.
- B] Whoo!

[chuckles]

Well, who's the rad parent now?

[chuckles]

Still Pam 'cause she's my hero.

Also, never say "rad."

But I'm actually good with you
being a little more protective, Guy.

Turns out I need a
momlier stepdad after all.

Thanks.

No need to panic.

I knew my mom would
come to the rescue.

She's so into being my mom!

[camelope laughing hysterically]

- Huh?
- Thanks for the lift, boys.

[Guy grumbles]

Well, this is goodbye.

Yep. Guy, E.B. What can I say?

Keep it real in Glurfsburg,

and I'll hit you up whenever
things slow down in the spy game.

Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew!

Sam.

This is goodbye for all of us.

Yessiree, really
gonna miss you guys.

Sam, you too.

[gasps]

I… I thought I was going with you to get
the Moo-Lacka-Moo and save the Yooks.

It's too dangerous around me.

I have to do it alone.

But I came all this
way to find you.

And now you're leaving?

Again?

It's the only way.

[inhales deeply] I understand.

[emotional music playing]

[exhales]

I'm sorry, but I have
to keep you safe.

That's what family does.

We look out for each
other even when it's hard.

So that's why
you've been so cold.

Hey, as soon as
things settle down,

maybe we can meet up
in Glurfsburg, okay?

Okay.

Don't you want my phone
number? Or my address?

Hey, I'm Pam I-Am.

I'll find you.

Heck yeah, you will,
super spy lady.

Bye, Sam.

[Sam] Bye, Mom.

Whoa!

Oh, she's good.

[growls softly]

Cool!

[horn blows loudly]

You okay, buddy?

What? Me? I'm fine.

Honestly, I feel bad leaving the old girl
out there in the cold all by herself.

Scary business, the spy trade.

Ha! Imagine Pam
visiting Glurfsburg?

She would be so bored.

Yeah, but we'd
still be together.

[chuckles uneasily]

I, for one, cannot wait to
be back in boring Glurfsburg.

- Mm-hmm.
- How about you, Sam? You ready to go home?

Sam? Sam! What are you doing?

She protected me.

Now I have to protect her!

That's what family does!

Bye, you two!

[narrator] S am's love for his
mom was something unmatched,

but his dearest friends
were about to be…

Sam, wait!

[narrator] …snatched!

[orchestral pop
theme song playing]