03x03 - limoges

[bunniefuu]

[BAD BUNNY'S "LA DIFÍCIL"]

EMPLOYEE: Aisle . Shaving.

[SPEAKING ARABIC]

MAYSA: Uh, black beans,
one pound, please.

- Here. Over there.
- FAROUK: Here?

MAYSA: Yeah.

And then, um, some sesame oil.

That brand. Yup.

And we need some paprika.

FAROUK: The aisle, uh, three?

MAYSA: One.

♪ ♪

Farouk, I said one.

♪ ♪

BAD BUNNY: [SINGING IN SPANISH]

♪ ♪

[MUSIC QUIETS]

Khalas. What is this?

It's one of Obama's favorite pieces.

You know, I downloaded
all his Spotify list.

Why?

I wanna... know how the guy thinks.

These songs have meanings
and hidden messages.

The guy was the
president for eight years.

Nothing is an accident.

This song is called "La Difícil,"

which means "the difficulty."

Yeah.

Obviously, it's about the Spanish people

living in hard time here.

- But the key is in the lyrics.
- Mm.

- What does it say?
- [SIGHS]

"En el VIP, modelo como Hadid.

Invicta como Khabib.

Más de ciene cabrone
que ella deja en read."

Which means, "You see her in the VIP,

like Hadid." Hmm?

[SIGHING]

"Unbeaten like Khabib.

She leaves more than guys on read."

[CHUCKLES] [SPEAKING ARABIC]

What's so funny?

Hadid and Khabib Nurmagomedov?

Dear Maysa, it's so clear.

Obama's telling the Spanish people

that they have to
become more like Muslims

to be able to get through
the difficult times...

la difícil, hmm?

And it doesn't end here.

He says "read."

[SPEAKING ARABIC]

[CHUCKLES]

God commanded us to read.

Farouk, it's only a song, okay?

Probably his daughters pick
up his songs for his playlist.

[SIGHS] You're just saying that...

Or else why did he publish

his "favorite music" online, hmm?

It's like the guy's serving
his third term on Spotify.

MAYSA: Okay, here we are.

You got it?

Yeah.

[ELECTRONIC DOORBELL CHIMING]

Instacart.

You don't have to
ring. I put contactless.

Sure, sister.

I hope you're having a great day today.

I, uh...

I have a lot of frozen stuff in here

and it really needs to go to
the freezer as soon as possible.

Yeah. You can just put it down.

I just want you to have the
optimum client experience.

Thanks.

You're welcome, sister.

The bags.

Okay.

You know...

this is my card.

I'm leaving it here.

In case you need anything
else, just call me.

I do consulting as well.

Any start-ups, business, you know,

you name it, you got it.

Bye.

- Five stars, plea...
- [LIVELY MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[MICROWAVE BEEPS, WHIRS]

[SPEAKING ARABIC]

Let's do some more delivery.

Are you eating on the Limoges?

You put this in the microwave?

Hmm?

It's not supposed to be exposed to heat.

We're not supposed to eat on them.

Then do the dishes, okay?

These are collectors.

Only for special occasions.

That's because nothing special happens.

Okay? Yalla, let's go.

We're running out of time.

Alexa, what time is it?

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

I keep forgetting you sold her.

It was just sitting there in
the corner. [SPEAKING ARABIC]

I liked her.

What do you want to know?

I'll be your Alexa.

You wanna know the time?

It is : p.m.

It is a high of , low of .

I want you to get up. Let's go.

Can we talk before you go?

MAYSA: What about?

Mom, I wanna help with
the house payments,

and I'm trying to talk to
Dad and he's just not...

- MAYSA: [SPEAKING ARABIC]
- Maysa.

[SPEAKING ARABIC]

- What?
- FAROUK: [SPEAKING ARABIC]

- No. That's not what happened.
- MAYSA: What?

I'm trying to tell...

the f*ck?

Israel gave you money?

No. It's not like that.

Mom, Dad's acting like
I went and did a deal

with Netanyahu or something.

Yes, I'm not working with Uncle Naseem,

but that was for us.

You don't even know how
he runs the business.

It's insane.

And this woman that I'm working with,

she's... she's a good person.

I was there. I saw her.

There was this kid,
this Palestinian kid,

he got arrested for no
reason and she helped him.

It's interfaith.

Inter-bullshit.

Let's Instacart.

The Cheerios.

No, not that one. The Cheerios.

The real one.

But this is much cheaper. Look.

Stop making changes in
the order, please, okay?

Yesterday, two orders didn't even tip.

Give me your phone.

I'm gonna text them and I'm sure

they're gonna choose the cheaper...

Don't text the
customers. It annoys them.

Stop messing with my rate.

Okay?

Go get the drinks.

I'll meet you at the register.

I'll give you the , .
He's cutting you by five.

- SHADI: Who would you go with, ammu?
- [SPEAKING ARABIC]

Ya'ni, this is the most
important thing on Shark t*nk.

- Hmm.
- Proprietary.

I like Robert. The son of an immigrant.

White immigrant. It's very rare.

And they blend in.

You know, I heard they're starting
an Egyptian version of Shark t*nk.

FAROUK: [SPEAKING ARABIC] No way.

Uh...

Yeah, he did, Auntie.

[SPEAKING ARABIC] You
really helped me fix it up.

Thank you so much, Uncle.

Every time I talk to
you, I get so motivated.

I wish my friends in
Egypt could hear you.

You'd be an amazing life coach.

- Life coach?
- SHADI: Yeah.

It's huge in Cairo right now.

And especially coming
from someone like you

who's been so successful in America.

Now you get to retire so early.

Retire?

Ahmed, why aren't you speaking?

- Why are you silent?
- SHADI: Bro.

Something's bothering you,

let ammu give you some advice.

Let him life coach
you. Just jump in. Go.

Uh, you know,

one of my patients is very sick

and I'm spending a lot of
time with his young son.

And it's just reminding me how
I've always wanted my own kids.

FAROUK: Oh.

Yasmina does not want to have children?

She said she did before we got married,

but things changed after we got married.

FAROUK: That's normal
to change after marriage.

All you have to do

is be honest with your
wife about what you need.

AHMED: Okay.

I'm going to bed.

There's tea bags in the kitchen.

Whoa.

No post-dinner tea.

Is everything okay with you guys?

[CLEARS THROAT]

Yeah.

You know, guys...

- Mr. Wonderful is actually Lebanese.
- No way.

I love Lebanese people.

I think they are so great in branding.

I mean, look at their country.

It could be a disaster,

and all that people talk
about is their women.

- [LAUGHS] So true.
- That is true.

Facts, man. Facts.

Told you. Life coach, bro.

- I'm seeing it.
- Yeah.

[DICE CLINK]

MAYSA: Farouk, please, stop that.

Stop. [CLEAR THROAT]

It's against "instantcart."

- Hi.
- FAROUK: Hola, amigo.

- CUSTOMER: Thank you.
- Let's go.

FAROUK: I put the eggs on top,
and so everything is intact.

Please remember that in your rating, eh?

Farouk?

Nabil.

My God, it's been years
since I've seen you.

Maysa?

Hi.

Wh...

what are you two doing here?

We just brought your...

your... your...

[INAUDIBLE]

Oh, this app is so easy.

Yes. Yes.

- This is... this is so easy.
- [LAUGHS]

No.

W-why don't you come in?

I'm sure Samia would love to see you.

Samia! Come to the door!

No, we have to go.

We still have so much to do.

NABIL: Come on in. Have some tea.

Oh, that would be amazing.

Some tea.

It's been a long time.

NABIL: Come. Come on in.

So actually, I am researching this...

delivery grocery

for an advertising start-up
that I'm working on.

I am testing different means

of, uh, unconventional advertising.

Me and Maysa are doing field research.

Yeah, we are researchers.

- NABIL: Ahh.
- Hmm.

Very good. Advertising start-up.

W-what's your approach, Captain Farouk?

It's always about whether your idea

has proprietary to it or not, so...

your idea has no proprietary to it,

then who's going to invest, right?

NABIL: Right. Right.

I mean, how... how...

how do you wanna reach that, exactly?

- I mean, what's your approach?
- SAMIA: No, no, no.

Nabil. You're retired. Khalas.

NABIL: [CHUCKLES]

He sold his company a few month ago.

I finally get some of him for myself.

No more business ideas.

I'm banned from thinking.

[LAUGHTER]

Marouk, Nabil.

How are you, Maysa?

It's been years.

And I heard Ramy's married now.

He was, but, um,

it didn't work out.

- NABIL: Hmm.
- SAMIA: Hmm.

How are your kids?

Nour, she's mashallah
the youngest partner

in her accounting firm,

and she's engaged, alhamdulilah.

Mashallah.

Yasin, he's the head of
the ovarian, uh, cancer wing

in NYU Langone.

No, but maybe it's
too late in Cairo now.

Alexa, what time is it in Cairo?

ALEXA: The time is : p.m. in Cairo.

SAMIA: Wallahi, she is so helpful.

- I know.
- BAKRY: [SPEAKING ARABIC]

Bathroom.

SAMIA: Uh-huh. It's right over there.

FAROUK: [LAUGHS]

[BOTTLES CLACKING]

[BOTTLE CLATTERS LOUDLY]

[MUTTERS IN ARABIC]

Merde. Merde.

Farouk, let's go.

Are you wearing Roux?

What do you mean?

Your perfume. I recognize it.

I think I have the same one.

Oh, really? Yeah, I...

yeah, this one, I had it for years.

SAMIA: It's Roux, right?

Um, different but similar.

Different similar.

[SNIFFS]

I could swear it's the same one.

It is not!

SAMIA: [CLEARS THROAT] Um, I...

I thought Maysa was wearing Roux.

- Mm.
- SAMIA: It's my favorite.

And you know, I get very excited

if I meet someone else wearing it.

[SNIFFING]

It's Roux.

It's Roux, Maysa.

Uh, in the beginning, I didn't smell it.

But now I'm sure it is Roux.

It is not Roux!

I... I don't know.

I, uh, thought we might
have the same perfume.

[SNIFFING]

[BOTH SNIFFING]

Hmm.

[CAR DOOR SLAMS]

Maysa.

What's wrong with you?

Would you talk to me?

Enough talking.

You talked with all of Cairo today.

I was just being social.

You know, Nabil could
be an historic investor.

Invest in what, exactly?

All you're doing is
f*cking sitting at home

selling our things online!

[STOMPING FOOTSTEPS]

[DOOR SLAMS]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Are you sharp enough to
get money in the bank?

FAROUK: [STAMMERS]

You're talking about stickers.

[CHUCKLES]

MAYSA: Yes, they are f*cking stickers.

I'm out.

Um, yeah, look,

I didn't understand a
lot of what was said,

but I think we can all
agree this is a bad plan.

I'm out.

No, Robert. No.

- I'm out.
- I'm out.

Look, Farouk, I prefer
to invest in people

I would wanna hang out with,
and I would never hang out

with someone with a
. rating on Instacart.

It's... it's... it's her account.

No, it's not.

Sir, I'm sharp.

I'm sharp.

♪ ♪

ROBERT: Somebody made
a courageous decision.

You are in love with the romantic idea

- of starting a business.
- [GROANS]

ROBERT: But my money's
gotta go somewhere

in order to get back an investment.

♪ ♪

If I'm not passionate
or see the benefit...

[SIGHS]

[TENSE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

- [GREASE SIZZLING]
- MO: [SPEAKING ARABIC]

Mo, these are conflicting concepts.

Yeah, exactly, ammu.

You always see one or the other.

When I put 'em both up, people stop.

They start arguing,
debating, work up an appetite,

and then they buy food. [CHUCKLES]

I made the MAGA ones a
little bit bigger, though,

you know, 'cause they eat way more.

You have no idea.

- This is genius.
- MO: Yeah. [LAUGHS]

You know, this is why I was
sure you're gonna love my idea.

You're selling stickers.

Adhesive advertisements...

MO: I got it. Adhesive advertisements.

Are not just stickers.

MO: I'm not trying to
be disrespectful, ammu.

Of course. Not everything
is what it seems.

I mean, this is not just a halal cart.

Right? I have my diner
across the street.

I mean, I know it looks empty,

but I'm doing that for the pandemic.

All right? It's the best
thing that ever happened to me.

I turned it into a cloud kitchen.

What's a cloud kitchen?

MO: It's basically like six
restaurants in one kitchen.

Nobody knows 'cause nobody goes.

Everything is done on the app.

I got a Japanese grill.
I got a Korean barbecue.

I got a taco situation brewing.

You know, with all of these...

different restaurants that you have,

I think you really need my idea.

Yeah, ammu, look.

It's family, business.

You know. [SPEAKING ARABIC]

Very, very important to,
like, preserve relationships.

Let me pray on it first.

Let me see how I feel, but genius.

Pray on it, pray on it.

But let me tell you that, all right?

This idea is expl*sive.

MO: Yeah?

I'm taking it to Egyptian Shark t*nk.

Egyptian Shark t*nk? Is that a thing?

'Cause I don't think it's a thing.

- Sounds like a scam...
- Frank?

Oh, you want a hot dog?

Connie, I'm Frank.

- CONNIE: Oh.
- Um...

- Hi, Frank.
- FAROUK: Excuse us, Mo.

Over there. Let's go over there.

- CONNIE: All right.
- FAROUK: [SPEAKING ARABIC]

[TENSE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Please have a seat here.

I'll be right back.

♪ ♪

[GRUNTS]

Here we are.

Oh, wow.

These are really rare plates.

Real francais stuff.

I have never seen a
set like these together.

With the family emblem.

It's whole set of them.

I... I have other buyers.

I'm sure you know how
Facebook Marketplace can be.

Competitive.

Venmo or cash?

Um, we're right by an ATM.

♪ ♪

[ATM BEEPING]

Lasagna béchamel.

And there's some bamya in the oven.

No.

I thought we would have a nice dinner...

just the two of us.

- And some...
- [SPEAKING FRENCH]

Mmm.

It's been a while. You
haven't cooked like that.

You know...

yesterday, it was, um...

it was a long day,
and I maybe said things

I didn't need to say.

The mortgage with property tax...

for two months.

Where did you get that from?

[INHALES]

I, um...

Farouk...

did you sell the Limoges?

- Mm, not all of it.
- [SPEAKING FRENCH]

Okay?

A real Muslim man would
never sell his wife's things!

It's haram to touch your wife's money!

FAROUK: [SPEAKING ARABIC]

I will not be disrespected
in my own house.

They f*cking colonized us!

It's disgusting that they
colonized your mind too!

MAYSA: They could have
colonized anywhere.

But they chose us.

And I chose back, okay?

I don't know why you're so
f*cking obsessed with Cairo!

You are clueless.

You know, Thomas Piketty,

one of the biggest
economists in the world,

has been saying that Egypt

is on the path to
become just like America.

Why the f*ck do you want
Egypt to become like America?

Why... stop.

Stop, okay?

All day, it's this person's theory,

that person's principles.

What are you doing?

You're wearing a suit to
go and deliver groceries!

What kind of consultation
people would want

from a guy that just
delivered their grocery?

Aren't you f*cking embarrassed?

You deliver groceries too.

MAYSA: I had no choice.

Guys, what the hell? I have an exam.

MAYSA: f*ck your exam, Dina.

You did not do your job. Okay?

Look at your son, hmm?

He divorced the night of his wedding.

And your daughter, still
unmarried until now.

Look at her.

She's dying.

Okay.

MAYSA: All you've
done is waste our money

on f*cking investments like
that project of yours in Sahel!

I told you, Farouk,

don't give $ , to
a random guy in Egypt!

But no, I found myself a job,

something for myself to do,

and now you do it with me!

[SIGHS]

Maysa.

The economy will bounce back.

Here and in Egypt.

[MAYSA SCOFFS]

MAYSA: Farouk, did
you sell the key bowl?

[SILVERWARE CLINKS]

I bought it for five
Egyptian pounds, okay?

I put it online and
said, "Egyptian design."

Bang, sold for $ .

It's a good f*cking deal!

That's business!

[DOOR SLAMS]

[TENSE MUSIC]

♪ ♪