01x08 - Night of the Living Dog; att*ck of the Movie Night

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Monsters vs. Aliens". Aired: March 23, 2013 - February 8, 2014.*
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American computer-animated television series based on the 2009 DreamWorks Animation film of the same name.
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01x08 - Night of the Living Dog; att*ck of the Movie Night

Post by bunniefuu »

Male announcer: And now,
nickelodeon and dreamworks'

Monsters vs. Aliens.

- ♪ mva

mva

- ♪ monsters vs. Aliens

♪ it's us vs. Them

♪ foe vs. Friend

♪ brain vs. B.O.B.

- ♪ it's a super-freaky job

- Oh, yeah,
it's freaky.

- ♪ mva

- ♪ monsters vs. Aliens

- [cackles]
- ♪ monsters vs. Aliens

monsters vs. Aliens

mva

[all yelling]

- And that is why
new regulation c

States that "all experiments
must be conducted

In laboratories,
not lavatories."

- You say potato, I say pomato.

- You say "pomato?"
- yeah.

- I have never heard you say
"pomato."

- I say it all the time.

Like, just this morning, I said,
"hello, susan.

Have a pomato day!"

- That's true.
He did.

- General, about this hasty
lavatory restriction--

- It's a dog-eat-dog world
out there, boys,

And I'm the alpha dog.

Now, unless anyone's got
anything else to say,

Meeting is adjourned.

- Sir, permission to share some
of my earth studies findings.

- Ugh, this isn't going to be
another lecture on ground slugs,

Is it?

- I gotta be honest,
after four hours,

You started to lose me.

- Your lack of attention does
not invalidate the science.

However, today I'd like to talk
about puppies.

- Puppies!
- I like puppies.

- Owning a pet is a crucial part
of the earth experience.

Therefore, I would like to
requisition one adorable puppy.

- No.

- But, general,
it's for my research.

- No.
Meeting adjourned.

- Boo-hoo for you, sqweep.

Guess now your earth studies
can include a lesson

In disappointment.

- Dude,
that's harsh.

- Most unfortunate.

- What are we gonna name
the puppy?

- Oh, sqweep,
are you all right?

- Yes.
It's to be expected.

According to my research,

The traditional first response
to a request for a pet is "no."

- Commencing phase two.

- "persistent pestering."

Please,
may I have a puppy?

- No.

- Please,
may I have a puppy?

Please?
A puppy.

Let me have a puppy,
please?

- No!

- Please let me have a puppy.

I want a puppy.

Give me a puppy.
Give me a puppy.

Give me a puppy.
Puppy, puppy, puppy, puppy.

- Ahh.

- Please,
may I have a puppy?

- I respect your
stick-to-itiveness, sqweep,

But I've been through
the pet thing

With my nieces and nephews,
who I may or may not have.

They always promise to take care
of it,

But who ends up
on doody duty?

Me!

The answer remains no.

- [sobbing]

- Give me a break.

I've interrogated
enough crybabies

To know the real thing
from a faker.

- Isn't crying the next step
in the pet-obtaining ritual?

- Normally, yes,

But this decision
isn't even up to me.

Regulation d says,
"no pets on base!"

- Don't you write
the regulations?

- Geh-uh-ooh.

- [sighs]

- Whatcha doin'?

- To get the full experience for
my earth studies, I am moping.

[sighs]

- So still a no-go
on the puppy front, huh?

Maybe I can help.

What do you like about puppies?

- Well, puppies are playful.

- I'm playful.

- Puppies are also cuddly.

- I'm cuddly.

- Puppies are the juvenile stage

Of the canis lupus familiaris
life cycle.

- I'm cuddly.

Wait a minute.

I could be your pet!

- Hmm,
sufficiently plausible.

- Heh-heh.

[panting]

- B.O.B.,
you may have found a solution

To my puppy project problem.

- [groans]

You are housebroken, right?

- General, we're looking
for authenticity here.

- Please?

- [sighs]

There is no possible way I
will not regret this, is there?

- [slobbering]

Nope.

- Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!

- Let us begin by exploring
the normal owner-pet dynamic.

- What is it about
being dog-shaped

That makes me wan to bite
my own butt?

- Please focus.

Ready?

Speak, boy.
Speak.

- Ahem

When in the course of human
events it becomes necessary

For one people to dissolve
the political bands

Which have lingered with us
for--

No, b.O.B.,
like a dog.

You know,
barking and such.

- Oh, right.

Bark, bark.

Or in german: Arf, arf.

- Let's try fetch.

You are supposed to retrieve
the ball.

- Oh.

Here ya go.

I mean, bark, bark.

- A real dog uses its mouth.

- Really?
Okay.

Gulp!

- B.O.B.,
after careful consideration,

I determined that you are...
A terrible dog.

- Is that because of
the accident in the hallway?

- B.O.B.!

- That was the only thing
you did

That actually was like a dog.

- Right, 'cause...I wouldn't
have done that otherwise.

- I don't think this study
can continue successfully

On its current course.

- Well, maybe I'd have better
luck as a cat.

Moo.

- I have one last thing to try:
Blasting you with a ray

That will give you
canine brainwaves.

- But I don't have a...

Brain.

- Hmm,
an obvious oversight.

I hope there were no
unintended consequences.

[both barking]

- [howling]

- Perhaps this is just
an isolated incident.

[all barking]

- Well,
everything looks normal.

[all panting and barking]

- [barking]

[both growling]

- [growling]

- Okay, I'm beginning to think
something is wrong.

Susan would never chew on a shoe
before lunch.

- I think it's time
we inform the...

- [barking]

- General?

- [panting]

- He got hit too, right?

- Correct.

- 'cause with him,
it's hard to tell.

- [barking]

[both scream]

- This chamber will reverse the
effects of the dog brain blast.

- Sweet.

But how do we get all
the dog brains in there?

- This is the challenge.

We will need to lure them in.

- We could use this.

- That should work very well.

Just one question:
Why do you have a pork chop?

- What?

You don't always carry meat
with you?

- [sniffing]

[both growling]

- Lookie at what I got.

[all panting]

Oh, good dogs.

Come on.

Ooh.

[all barking and panting]

- I believe that just leaves...

- [growling and barking]

- He is a very angry dog.

- Don't worry.

I got this.

Open it.

- [growling]

- On second thought,
maybe I don't.

Oop!

No, boy!
That's not the ball.

This is the ball.

- We have to catch him.

- I can see where he's going.

He's running down a pink tunnel.

It's got, like,
a dangle-y thing,

Like at the back of a throat.

- B.O.B., you must be
looking down his esophagus.

Turn around.

- Oh, right.

Okay,
he just ran into a room.

I see weapons,
lots and lots of weapons.

- Oh, no.
He must be in the...Armory.

- Hey, he dropped my eye.

Oh,
now he's after something else.

- [barking]

- Looks like...
A grenade.

- [gasps]
if that grenade goes off,

It'll start a chain reaction
that could level the whole base.

- Aw, man, then general monger
would be really steamed.

- Actually,
general monger would be--

- Oh, right, still a dog.

B.O.B.,
try acting like a cat again.

- How's this?

Moo.

- Good,
except I believe it's "meow."

- If you say so.

Meow.

Meow.

Oh,
I think it's working.

Meow, meow.

I'm a cat.

Ahh!

Meow.

Hiss.
Meow.

Meow.

Uh-oh,
don't know the pass code.

Hey, hey, general.

It's just me,
b.O.B.

I'm not really a cat.

Whoa! Ahh! Ahh!

- B.O.B., it is hopeless.

As general monger stated,
he is clearly the alpha dog.

- Oh, yeah?

Well,
I am the hot dog...

The chili cheese dog
with lots of onions

And extra jalapenos.

That's right.

I am en fuego.

- [whimpers]

Gulp!

- You know, b.O.B.,

It really is
a dog-eat-dog world.

- Sqweep...

- You will be happy to know,
general monger,

That I have just completed
my puppy project.

It turns out
b.O.B. Was a good dog.

- [grunts]

- Blech.

- Uh...
Was I sniffing your butt?

- Let us never speak
of this again.

- We did turn everyone back
to normal, right?

- [barking]

[slurping]

- It came from another world
to eat our brains

And our bananas.

It's the...

- ♪ bah-bah-bah

Movie night.

- Popcorn's popped, boys.

- Dibs.

- Double dibs.

- I call center couch.

Geronimo.

Oh, no, no, no, alien.
Ugh!

- Happy Friday, monsters.

- Sqweep?
What are you doing here?

- The custom of movie night
counts as extra-credit

In my earth studies class.

I'm here to observe.

- Susan, I must object.

The rating clearly signifies
this movie

Is not intended
for young children.

- I have snacks.

- [gasps]

- Have a seat.
- Lotsa dibs.

- Hold it, guys.

Sqweep, I'm sorry kiddo,

But this movie is way too scary
for you.

- Your concern offends logic.

I am too intelligent
to be frightened

By fictional stories.

- That's just perfect.

Stand by the tombstone.

Ahh!

- Let the research begin.

- I feel so safe in your arms--

[both screaming]

- Oh,
that is a big monkey.

- Braaaain.

[both screaming]

Ape want brain.

- They eat brains?

- I'm scared, steve,
really scared.

- Don't worry, my love.

It's gone forev--
oh, no!

It's right behind me!

- Brains.

- Eep.

- And so it returned,
just as it came,

Never to be seen again.

- Huh?

Oh.

[yawns]

- Well, that was boring.

- Totally.

Who's gonna be scared
of a lame zipper costume?

- [moaning]

- H-h-hello?

- [moaning]

- Save my brain!

- [moaning]

[burps]

S'cuse moi.

[laughs]

Sorry.

- Hey, kid.
You gonna move?

- What?
You're not getting my brain.

- [all screaming]

- [burps]

Ahh!

- Little alien, why'd you just
swiss cheese my mess hall?

- Apologies, general.

Without sufficient sleep,

My superior brain can be a bit,
um...Loopy.

- Monsters, alien,
get this kid some nap time

Before my whole base
gets laser zapped.

- Surely I am not needed
for this--

- That's an order.

- Do not worry, general.

I am already working on a plan
to erase

The zombie moon ape
from my memory.

- Moon ape?

Wait.
You saw that movie?

- It was for extra credit.

- So that's what this
is all about.

The poor kid's scared,
that's all.

- Frightened, you say?

Well, link and I know
just the remedy for that.

Hee-hee-hee,
to the lab.

[cackling]

[thunder booming]

- Wow,
that is...

A little super-terrifying
in real life.

- It's basic face-your-fear
strategy.

All we gotta do is dress up
in the costume

And get sqweep to fight us.

- It's the same way we cured
b.O.B.'s fear

Of giant mustaches.

- I have conquered thee,
mustachio.

[yodeling battle cry]

- Eh,
guess it couldn't hurt to try,

But, uh, who's gonna be the ape?

- [slurping]

Don't even think about--

[mumbling]

- After much tinkering,

I have built the galaxy's
first memory extractor.

Once my memory of
the zombie moon ape is removed,

I will sleep as sound
as a baby snoolox.

[cackles]

I really need some sleep.

- [growling]

Brains.

- Success.

I have no memory of whatever
it was I feared.

Yay, me.

[humming]

- [roaring]

- Come on, coverton.

Move it.

- How do you move
this infernal thing?

Ow.

- This is why we read
instructions.

Use the leg pedals, man.

- What?

Oh, you mean like thi--
waah!

Oh, splendid.

Someone put a giant mirror
in the hallway.

Oh, idiotic.

Uh?

[groans]

- Let's get this over with.

- Come now, coverton.

We have no time for dilly-dally.

- Braaaaains.

Brains.

- Yes, yes, save it for sqweep.

- Growl.

I'm the zombie moon ape...

Your worst nightmare.

Growl.

Why are you not cowering, child?

I was told there would be
trepidation.

- Apologies, mr. Ape.

But I do not recall you
from my nightmares or otherwise.

- Ugh.

What is the point of me doing
this if you're not even scared

That I'm going to eat
your brain?

- You eat brains?

- Um...Yes.

I eat lots and lots
of yummy brains.

[growls]

No, no, no.

Augh.

- No, no,
you've got the walk all wrong.

Keep your arms up.

- Could his acting be
any more cliched?

Make me a zombie moon ape
believer.

- Braaaaaaaains.
- Oh!

- Coverton,
quit it.

- No, no, suze, don't you see?

He's finally getting
into character.

- That's the spirit.

Pretend to eat dr. C.

Pretend to shred him into
a billion tiny pieces.

- Costume off.

Costume off now.

Dumb ape arms.

[laser g*n chirping]

[yelling]

- Please stay away.

I am very small and damageable.

- I'm trying my very best to...

Ahh!

- Come on, coverton.

Stop zombie
moon monkeying around.

- Ahh!

Ugh.

Monkey want a banana?

- Whoa,
coverton's inside the suit

And outside the suit.

Twist.

- But if that's coverton...

- [roars]

[all screaming]

- Boomnana?

- att*ck of the zombie moon ap.

Perhaps this holds a solution.

[all screaming]

- Where did this thing
come from?

- No doubt from the recesses
of our most deep-seeded

And subconscious fears.

- [roaring]

- My blob.

- [roars]

- Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!

[door beeping]

- Okay, quick, how'd they b*at
the zombie moon ape

At the end of the movie?

- Don't look at me.
I was out like a light.

- Ditto.

- But I fell asleep too.

So none of us saw the end?

- I do believe we're about
to live it.

- Not tonight.

- Link?

- I get it now.

Movie night was my idea,
so I have to save us.

This is my moment.

I'm gonna save us--

- [roaring]

- It can't be stopped.

[both screaming]

- I am t-t-t-too intelligent
to be frightened...

- Calm yourself, man.

There is one way to stop it.

- All right, guys.

It's time we show this noob
how the professionals do it.

Monsters, att*ck.

- [laughs]

- Now, dr. C.

- Brace yourself, beast.

It's time for you to--
eep!

- Braaaaaaaaains.

- Ahh!

Scary part.

Someone pause the movie.

- [roars]

- Huh?

- You are not getting
our brains.

- Greetings, monsters.

- Sqweep, you saved us.

- Launching the moon ape
into deep space

Is precisely how it was defeated
at the end of the movie.

Yay, me.

- Mad props, alien kid.

You just faced your fear.

- Yeah, you did.

- Up high for mustaches.

- Sqweep, from now on,
you've got a lifetime membership

To movie night.

- Really?
- Yup.

And next time,
you can even pick the flick.

- Excellent.

Now that I am no longer afraid,

I am most eager to watch
the film's many sequels:

The return of the zombie moon
ape, movies through .

- No dibs.

- And so it returned,
just as it came,

Never to be seen again.

- [roaring]
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