01x09 - 98 Pound Cockroach; When Nature Shrieks

[bunniefuu]

♪ MVA ♪
♪ MVA ♪

♪ Monsters vs. Aliens ♪

♪ It's us vs. them ♪

♪ Foe vs. friend ♪

♪ Brain vs. B.O.B. ♪

♪ It's a super-freaky job ♪

Oh, yeah, it's freaky.

♪ MVA ♪

♪ Monsters vs. Aliens ♪

♪ Monsters vs. Aliens ♪
[cackles]

♪ Monsters vs. Aliens ♪

♪ MVA ♪

Monsters, I'm sure you're all familiar

with my
fit-to-be-awesome program.

The one where kids
run an obstacle course,

to promote physical
fitness and get a patch?

Yes, but we've switched
it up to temporary tattoos.

Because I'm cool like that.

Ugh.

Way ahead of you, boss.

Spokes-fish-man Link is
happy to motivate the youth.

Just point the cameras at me.

Oh, you're not selling
the program, Link.

You're participating in it.
[Yelps]

You want us to run a
child's obstacle course?

- Not exactly.
- Where the tots have bouncy balls

we're gonna put pointy
things and lasers.

- And the best part...
- Fail and you're off the team.

What?

Oh, you can go on being a monster, but
you'll have to do it somewhere else.

Private sector maybe.

Um, one question.
Back here. Why?

Because I need to know my very
expensive elite Monster team

can at least outrun a fifth grader.

Oh, come on. It'll be fun.

And mandatory.

[Fly buzzing]

[Fly wailing]

All right, Monsters.
Show me what you got.

Fish-man, you're up.

[Blows whistle]

[Pained grunts]

Excellent.
Next. [Blows whistle]

[Grunts]

[Whimpers]

Nice. Though you could have gone
ginormic and just stepped to the end.

- What?
- Blue guy, wow me.

[Blows whistle]

[Laughs]

[Shrieks]

- Temporary tattoo me.
- Last, we have the good Doctor.

Hey, Doc. Where are ya, bro?

Uh, maybe he got lost.
Yeah.

[Sparks crackling]

What is it? I was scrapbooking.

- The obstacle course.
- Oh, right.

[Bones cr*ck]

[Blows whistle]

- He's gonna nail the best time.
- Totally.

Doc's got the speedy roach, gene.

Yeah, but not the one for chin-ups.

[Grunts]

Remember, I am super smart.

That's worth a chin-up or two, right?

Not here. No exceptions, Doctor.

You've got hours to pass this test.

hours?
Mr. President, you ask the impossible.

Now it's : .

Oof.

- [Groans] This is pointless.
- It's only pointless if you give up.

Which I'm paraphrasing
from a kitten poster,

but that doesn't mean it's not true.

Kittens are incapable of lying.

[Whispering]
Everyone knows this.

Perhaps, but I will not find my

answers on a sweat-stained workout mat.

I'm a mad scientist.
I should be mad sciencing.

Totally a word, by the way.

Of course.
[Cackles]

[Thunder rumbles]

Mr. President, Dr.
Cockroach's contribution

to this team can't be
measured by mere mucle.

The guy's got brawn in his
brain. The team needs that.

And moreover, butterflies
are not flies made of butter.

Hmm, I see. I'm making
my listening face,

but I've made a rash
and careless decision,

and darn it, I intend to stick by it.

That's what being President means.

So the good Doctor is off your
team in five, four, three, two...

Sorry to keep you waiting.

What say we dispense with the
scurrying and just cut to the chase?

[Grunts]

Would, uh...
someone give me a hand?

Never mind, I'll give myself one.

[All gasp]
Whoa!

Maybe two.

[Cackles]

Satisfied, Mr. President?

Absolutely.
I'm giving you high marks.

- And a high five.
- Let's make it a high ten.

Math humor. Ha! Love it.

Hey, Doc, I gotta hand it to you.

Link, if anybody should be "handing"
around here it should be me.

Because you got extra hands, right?

Just curious.
How did you grow those extra hands?

Oh, Susan! Must you immediately
leap to Defcon worry?

Well, look, I know what
mad science looks like...

- Double jazz hands!
- Like that.

It's just a matter of time before...

before that.

Years ago, the transformation
chamber left me % man...

% cockroach.

So last night, I just
turned it up a notch.

% cockroach gave me extra arms,

and apparently some
splendid wings as well.

%? Doc, this thing
here says you're at %.

[Console beeps]
And the number keeps going up.

- Really?
- Yeah, take a look.

[Screams] Bright light!

Under the fridge, under the fridge.

Sanctuary, sanctuary.
[Chuckles]

Don't like light. Don't like!

Cockroach taking over.

Must reverse.
Susan, help me.

- What do we do, Doc?
- Eat it.

Unto!
Unto an eat it!

- I don't under...
- Eat it!

He's speaking gibberish.

Unto! Eat it!
[Door opens]

Don't mind old Henry, kids.
Just picking up the garbage.

Pretend I'm not here.

Ah, yummy!

Unto eat it!
Unto eat it!

See? Defcon worry.
I told you.

- You boys keep tabs on Cockroach.
- On it.

Me? I'm gonna channel
my inner mad scientist.

Muahahaha...

It's harder than I thought.

Doc Roach, you in here?

Dr. Cockroaaaach!

Hellooooo!

[Grumbles]

Don't mind me. I'm just looking
for a pound cockroach.

[Blows]
Enjoy your lunch.

Nope, nope, nope.

- B.O.B!
- Nope.

If the route path does not exist,

specify a variable designation
for reassignment... what?

- Talk to me, guys. Any luck?
- Yes! I just found a penny!

B.O.B., she was talking
about finding Dr. Cockroach.

- Really?
- Kinda, yeah.

Pfft. Context, Susan. Next
time you gotta give me some.

Garbage coming through.

[Glass clattering]

Hey, where does that trash go?

Down the chute to the incinerator.

Ah, garbage.
[Burps]

Good news, Suze. We found Doc.

Bad news, he's about three
seconds away from , degrees.

[Gasps]

Doc! Doc!
Where are you?

Unto eat it!
[Screams]

Hi ya, Doc.

Mmm mmm.

[Coughs]

[Retches]

Eat it, eat it, eat it.

Stop the machine!

[Gears grind]

Hurry!
Can't hold on.

- Unto eat it.
- Link, what's going on?

He's eating garbage and
yelling "unto eat it"

- just like in the lab.
- Un-to-eat-it?

[Gasps] No way.

Hold on, Doc.
Don't move an inch.

Cupcake, mmm.

- Eat it.
- Doc!

Guys, I know how to fix him.

Unto eat it.

Unto eat it.

- I will, Doc. I will.
- Will what? Eat garbage?

- Eat it. Eat it!
- He's not saying "unto eat it."

He's saying "undo edit."

We don't need to know to
know how to work his machine.

We just need to select edit and
hit "undo genetic alteration."

Huzzah, Susan. Thank you.

Though I will miss the wings.

Tell you what. Let's bump up
the roachiness five percent...

All: No!

Four percent? Four?
Three and / ?

That's unsettling.

I've only ever seen
this in my nightmares.

- I didn't know he could smile.
- Great news, g*ng.

I'm giving you all weekend passes

so you can join me on
the annual camping trip.

Yay! Cramping!
I love stomach pain!

- Camping, B.O.B., not cramping.
- Like tents and sleeping bags

and poisonous things hiding everywhere.

- Ugh.
- Even better!

You bet your backpack.
Roughing it is an excellent way

to relax from the
stresses of modern life.

Plus, it helps you train

for the inevitable collapse
of civilized society.

Yes. Is this camping
expedition mandatory?

Mandatory? Well, not technically.

- But it sure will be fun to...
- I'm afraid I'm gonna have to pass.

A petri dish of amoebas in my lab
has just become self-aware.

Too self-aware, in fact.

Do these pseudopods make me look fat?

I'm out too. I got to, um...

read stories to orphaned baby seals?

And I am allergic to
doing things I despise.

Ahh!

- Any other tent dodgers?
- Not me.

I look forward to
studying this Earth custom

of self-inflicted wilderness suffering.

- Me too.
- I'm going to bow out.

- Camping isn't my thing.
- Negatory. You're going.

But Link and Dr. C...

According to your file,
you were a Butterfly girl.

Ugh.

Yeah, but I stunk at camping.

Protein bar selling was the
only badge I ever earned.

Close enough.
We roll at dawn.

Where'd you get that picture anyway?

Susan, please.
It's area -something.

We've got access to
every photo ever taken.

No! Not every photo?
Right?

[bugle trumpeting]

Good morning, campers.

[yawns]
[inhales deeply]

You smell that? That's adventure,
and it's calling your name.

Actually, that's a
breakfast burrito. Sorry.

Load 'em up.

[hums]

[groans]

Ah, much better.

Whoa, whoa, way
too much gear, camper.

Didn't they teach you
anything in the Butterflies?

I only sold the...
[chuckles]

We're traveling light.
Roughing it.

See?
Sqweep's got the right idea.

The right idea is
always a desirable goal.

- Yep, we're gonna get along just fine.
- Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

[knuckles cr*ck]

- I will notify you upon arrival.
- I am merely engaging

in traditional Earth child
transportation behavior.

Apparently, time goes
faster when you're annoying.

Annoying? [chuckles]

Six months in the jungle
living on mud, water,

and grasshoppers is annoying.

- What you're doing is nothing.
- Can I play too?

Both: Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

♪ bottles of are we there yet ♪

♪ bottles of are we there y... ♪

Oof!

- We are here!
- What? Already?

Who's ready to camp?

Check it out.
I got this camping thing down.

Downtown.
Downtown camp town.

Ugh!

Stunk at this as a kid.
I stink at it now.

Buck up, Butterfly.

The problem isn't you.
It's your shelter.

It's too complicated,
too modern, too much.

Take a look at Sqweep's tent.
Nice and simple.

Thank you.
My enclosure isn't a simple tent.

It is in fact a quantum
multi-dimensional

- temporary living space.
- Meaning?

[giggles]

[whirring]
An ice cream maker?

[bowling pins clatter]
Bowling alley!

[cat engine revs]
A go-kart track.

[water splashes]

Who's up for a dip in the infinity pool?

- But that's not roughing it!
- I fail to see why roughing it

Means denying ourselves the
advantages of technology.

That's exactly what it means.

[grumbles]
Ahh.

Now, let's go for a fun -mile hike.
And have fun!

[bird caws]

You don't really have access

to every photo ever taken, do you?

'Course I do.
Necessary for national security.

- But that's, like, billions.
- Don't worry, Susan.

Your cheerleading faux pas
will stay our little secret.

What? I have no id...

Okay, thank you. Yes.

A fully grown canegiea
gigantea can absorb as

much as gallons of
water during a rain storm.

We can drink from them
when our canteens go dry.

And when we run out of grub...

I wonder what Link and
Dr. C. Are doing right now.

Doc, take a load off.
Join me.

I got, like, our combined
bodyweight in snacks over here.

Sorry, Link, but I'm
managing a bit of a crisis.

I'm attempting to do couples
therapy for the amoebas.

You never listen to me.
You don't care about my interests.

What interests?
You're an amoeba!

How much longer do we
have to endure this t*rture?

We can detour through this canyon
to cut miles off our hike,

but what fun would that be?

Why don't you use my planetary
topogrator to calculate our route?

Heh, real camper only needs
a good map and a compass.

M-my map!
[burps]

I thought it was lunch.

Grr.
[hat snaps]

No problem.
I still have my trusty compass.

[swallowing]

[burps]

So that wasn't dessert?
Okay. My bad.

Sqweep, new fangled spacey map.

Would you like me to instruct
you on how the topogrator works?

[chuckles]
I've been reading maps

since you were wearing space nappies.

Clearly shows the path
here and a sharp drop...

[pained grunts]

Spleen!

Ugh!

Come on, guys.
Follow the leader.

[pained grunts]

Spleen!

[screams]

[squishing noise]

Why bother with primitive fire
when super-charged plasma

- is much more efficient?
- Because we are camping.

And camping means cooking
marshmallows over a campfire!

Because cooking with a...
[blows]

Campfire...
[blows] is...

- [blows] fun!
- Yeah, fun!

[flatulence]

Sorry.
It's that compass I ate.

[chuckles]
Worse than that darn burrito.

[coughs]

Wow, that kitchen is fantastic.
Who would have thought you could

have a chocolate raspberry
torte while camping?

Sorry I forgot to pack
the lavender whipped cream.

- Well, we are roughing it.
- This isn't camping.

This is a mockery of
everything camping stands for.

I will be camping elsewhere.

But General, you'll
miss the ice cream social.

[thunder rumbles]

Can I have your ice cream then?

Sir?

[laughs]
Now this is camping.

Nothing but me and mama nature.

[grunts]

Whoa!

- Hmm, more brownie bits, B.O.B.?
- Uh, why is this even a question?

Of course more brownie bits.

[all scream]

- What was that?
- Atmospheric discharge, I believe.

Aw, it melted.

Still... having... fun!

[bird caws]

The electrical storm
disabled all my equipment

including the topogrator.

- The ice cream maker too?
- The ice cream maker too.

[bellowing] Why?

- We need to find the General.
- Right.

He's not here.

Or here.

No.

- Or here.
- He couldn't have gone far.

- No. Or here. [grunts]
- I see him!

- Is he under a rock?
- No, but he is in trouble.

Still... having... fun.

No way we'll get there in time.

[yelps]

[screams]

Whoo!

[groans]

- Gotcha.
- Ow.

Hmm, looks like your ankle's broken.

We have no navigation
devices, food, or shelter.

Let's not even talk
about the bowling alley.

Then we're doomed.

I won't last long with this bum leg.

But if you three feed
on me, you might make it.

Anybody bring some soy sauce?

No way!
I'm gonna get us out of this.

- You?
- I was a Butterfly girl.

And even though selling protein
bars outside of supermarkets

has nothing to do with
the situation we're in,

I got this.
[screams]

Now, Susan, all that talk
is just so much hot air.

I should provide at least
three days of sustenance.

Four if you take sensible portions.

How much are your sensible portions?

Hot air.
That's the answer.

- Susan, what are you doing?
- Making a fire.

I did this once with the Butterflies.

We needed to light a scented
candle at our crafts fair.

Whoo, it's a barbecue.

Who wants some prime
USDA Monger shanks?

Sorry, General.
Nobody's eating you today.

- I'm delicious.
- B.O.B., inhale.

[inhales]

Quick, grab on.

[music]

There's the base.
degrees Northeast, B.O.B.

Let it rip.

[blows]

Yahoo!

General Monger, I am pleased
to announce that I have

completed my Earth studies
report on the camping experience.

Summed up as awe-inspiring, right?

Actually, summed up
as a nostalgic attempt

to return to a simpler
time by forcing one's self

into a prehistoric connection
with the environment.

Like I said, awe-inspiring.

Speaking of which,
when the chips were down

you campers really pulled together.

A Butterfly girl
camping badge? How?

I know a guy who knows
a guy who knows a girl.

Anyway, wear it with pride.
You earned it.

- I'm so honored.
- Me too.

[burps]