03x16 - TD and the Steak Tree/TD and Martha Gopher Broke

[bunniefuu]

♪ Martha was an average dog

♪ She went... and... and...
(barking, growls)

♪ When she ate
some alphabet soup ♪

♪ Then what happened
was bizarre. ♪

On the way to Martha's stomach,
the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain,
and now...

♪ She's got a lot to say

♪ Now she speaks...

How now, brown cow?

♪ Martha speaks

♪ Yeah, she speaks
and speaks and speaks ♪

♪ And speaks and speaks.

What's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

♪ Martha speaks...

Hey, Joe, what do you know?

My name's not Joe.

♪ She's not always right,
but still that Martha speaks. ♪

Hi, there.

♪ She's got a voice,
she's ready to shout ♪

♪ Martha will tell you
what it's all about ♪

♪ Sometimes wrong,
but seldom in doubt ♪

♪ Martha will tell you
what it's all about ♪

♪ That dog's unique...

Testing, one, two.

♪ Hear her speak

♪ Martha speaks and speaks
and speaks and speaks and... ♪

♪ Communicates, enumerates

♪ Elucidates, exaggerates

♪ Indicates and explicates

♪ Bloviates and overstates
and... ♪

(panting)

♪ ...hyperventilates!

♪ Martha, to reiterate

Martha speaks!
♪ Martha speaks.

(growling)

Oh, hello there.

We picked a crop
of new words for you today,

all about gardening.

Words like "bud" and "bloom,"

"blossom" and "sprout."

We think they'll
really grow on you.

(laughs):
Get it?

Grow on you? Grow?

Hmm...
I can't help it.

Good puns just
bloom in my brain.

Enjoy the show.

MARTHA (to "Frère Jacques"):
♪ I like farming

♪ I like farming

♪ How 'bout you?
How 'bout you? ♪

♪ Lots of things to roll in,
Lots of things to roll in ♪

OG:ike cow... ♪
So, Martha?

Are you excited about
visiting CK's farm again?

You bet!

How long is he going
to be at the county fair?

Just for the weekend.

He's really happy you're
helping us tend his crops.

Huh? Crops?
What are crops?

Are they a kind of farm animal?

Because I'm not so good
at tending those.

Not to worry,
my fine furry friend.

Crops are plants
grown by farmers.

Things like
lettuce or apples.

Oh, plants!

That I can handle.

Stay.

Ha, I knew
I'd be good at this.

Why do CK's crops
need watching?

They don't look like
they're going anywhere to me.

Something's been gnawing
on them at night.

Really? What?

Uncle CK thinks
it's a gopher.

Gopher?

Yeah. Dad's inventing
a special trap for it.

In the meantime,
we'll keep an eye out here

in case the gopher tries
to get to the crops.

Gopher... gopher?

Hmm, never heard of it.

That's a gopher.
(whimpers)

They're real pests.

They have razor-sharp teeth,

and they eat
everything in sight.

(gulps)

Everything?

(thunderous stomping)

(chittering)

Uh-oh.

TD & MARTHA:
Gopher!

(screaming)

(panting):
That was close.

(crunching)

(both screaming)

Uh-oh!

(Martha whimpers)

Martha, are you okay?

Unh-uh.
What'd I say?

(stammering):
Gopher!

OG:
Not to worry,
my petrified pooch.

The gopher is
a very small pest.

MARTHA:
His teeth look
really big.

Yeah, but he's
only this big.

And the familia geomyidae,
or gopher,

only eats plants.

Really? Oh, well,
in that case...

let's go guard
some gourds.

We'll take turns
keeping a lookout.

That way,
the gopher will be

too scared to steal
any produce.

I thought we were
watching crops.

We are.

"Produce" is another word

that means fruits
and vegetables.

People have too many words
for things.

You should be more like dogs.

With dogs, a bone is
a bone is a bone.

Eh, I'll take
the first watch.

(snores)

(yawns)

My turn.

(distant hooting)

(sniffing)

(moans)

(rooster crows)

(both yawning)

See anything?

Nope.
All right!

Told you the gopher
would be too scared of us.

(gasps)

Hey. What's that?

Dad!

OG:
Yes, yes, yes!

All signs
indicate a gopher

has been partaking
of the produce.

But how did
he get past us?

Yeah.
We took turns.

If a gopher had run past,
we'd have seen him.

He didn't need
to run past you.

He simply ran under you.

Huh?
Huh?

Gophers burrow
underground.

"Burro"?
You mean like a donkey?

How'd he get
a donkey in there?

(OG laughs)

You're right, Martha.

"Burro" is another
name for a donkey.

But that's not the kind
of burrow I'm speaking of.

Our friend
the gopher does

a lot of digging
underground.

See all these holes
and tunnels?

Those are called
"burrows."

That's the kind of
burrow I meant.

Let's see what else

that rascally rodent
has been up to.

Uh-huh, he's been
in CK's peanut crop.

That gopher
has some appetite!

He's gnawed those tree branches
down to the ground.

Yeah, and he ate all
the carrots and potatoes, too.

Oh, it's not
as bad as all that.

Observe.

Carrots, peanuts and potatoes
all grow underground.

Peanuts? No way.

See for yourself.

(sniffing)

Dirt-covered
peanutty goodness.

Gophers love things
that grow underground,

since that's where they
do most of their eating.

Really?

(chittering)

(chomping)

So how can you tell
what's been eaten?

Simple. The leaves.

If they're
wilted and brown,

the roots have probably
been gnawed on.

Not to worry.

You two do
your chores,

and I'll keep
working on my gopher trap.

Boy, agriculture's
harder than I thought.

"Agriculture"?

What's agriculture?

Is that another
word for gopher?

"Agriculture"
means farming

and the things farmers do

to look after their
crops and animals.

Like milking cows or keeping
gophers out of the produce?

Exactly.

Hmm, if only
there was some way

to lure the gopher
out of his burrow.

Oh, maybe you
could dress up

like a lady gopher.

Yeah!

TD:
Yoo-hoo!

Hello there.

Wait, he'd never buy it.

I'm way too big.

MARTHA:
What if we dressed up a potato
like a lady gopher?

TD:
He'd probably
just eat it.

(sighs)

This is hopeless.

We'll never get him
to come out of his burrow.

I've got it!

A fish?!
You caught one?

Are you kidding?

I never catch anything here.

Nope, I thought
of a way to get the gopher.

(rock music blaring
through earphones)

What is that music?

Yeah, I think
it's great, too,

but my dad says
it's enough

to drive most people
out of the house.

Now what?

We just sit and wait.

As soon as he comes
out, we trap him.

It's working! Hey!

Give that back,
you little pest!

What are you
two up to?

Trying to get that gopher.

He took my mp player.

I hope you're
feeling energetic.

Gopher burrows can be
as deep as six feet.

Six feet?!

That's why you can't
fence them out.

They just dig under it.

How is this going to work again?

Here.

I'll show you.

TD:
While that little pest
is down there

listening to my mp player,
I'll turn on the hose.

The burrow will
fill up with water

and wash the gopher out.

And I'll get my mp player!

And the gopher will be so mad,
he'll move away.

(Martha chuckles)

Sounds great.

Ready?

(water running)

Any sign of him?

Uh-uh.

But I got my player back.

(groans)

You don't think
we drowned him, do you?

Dad!

Impossible.

Gophers are very
good swimmers.

(ballet music playing)

But what if the
water got too high?

What if he got tired?

OG:
Luckily, gophers are
also good dam builders.

If the water in the
burrow gets too high,

they just grab some mud from
the walls and block it out.

Are you sure?
(gophers chittering)

See for yourself.

(chittering)

OG:
Gophers are tough
little pests.

It's hard to get rid of them.

You can't fence them out
or flood them out.

No, about the only way
to get rid of a gopher

is to find a better place
for him to live.

Or you just

trap him and take him
somewhere else.

Your trap!

You finished it!

You're sure
this won't hurt him?

Positive.
He'll come in

to eat the lettuce...

and spring the trap.

Then we'll carry him
to his new home--

someplace green
and gopher-friendly.

(trap door slams)

(gasps)

Hmm...

We'll mix peanut butter
in with the bait.

It's sticky.

The gopher won't be
able to grab and run.

It might work.

We know he likes peanuts.

(trap door slams)

We got him!

(Martha chewing noisily)

(swallows)

(chuckles)

I like peanut butter, too.

MARTHA:
Maybe I should
check the trap.

You're only after
the peanut butter.

(sighs)

(trap door slams)

(groans)

(trap door slams)

(trap door slams)

TD:
Aww...

Face it.

We're never going
to catch that gopher!

Maybe we don't need to.

TD, you did a terrific
job of tending my crops.

Everything
looks great.

And special thanks
to you, Martha,

for scaring off that gopher.

MARTHA:
Uh...

(chuckles)

we didn't exactly
scare him off.

You didn't?

But we did find a way to keep
him from eating your produce.

Here's a list of
his favorite foods.

MARTHA:
He mostly eats greens.

And peanut butter!

George is crazy
about peanut butter.

George?

(mooing, bells clanging)

If you're in
the agriculture business,

you have to deal
with many pests.

Pests are bugs or animals

that hurt a farmer's crops
or livestock.

(flies buzzing)

Some pests buzz.

Some pests gnaw.

(Martha barking)

(growling)

Some pests hunt.

(Martha barking)

(crow cawing)

Some pests caw.

(barking)

(grunting)

But my least favorite pests are
the ones you can't see at all.

(grunting)

(gasps)

Ow!

Fleas!

What pests!

Don't miss out on a
once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!

You won't believe your eyes!

Face it, Otis.

It's hopeless.

No one's going
to buy it.

(TD whistling happily)

Oh, hang on.

Excuse me, young man.

Do you like money?

Mmm, I guess.

We've got a live one.

Then I, Omar Whistlegrass,

have something for you:

A tree that grows money!

Nice try.

Everyone knows
money doesn't grow on trees.

Er, uh, uh, wait!

How about a tree
that grows steak?

A steak tree? Really?

Where?

Look.

I don't see any
steak tree over there.

That's because
it's right here.

Wow!

That is so cool!

Yes!

This tree
will grow the biggest,

juiciest steaks
you've ever tasted.

Ow!
Here.

Try some.

Fresh for
the picking.

Wow!

It tastes like
cheese and onions!

It's the fertilizer.

Just plant this tree
in your yard,

and you'll harvest delicious
steaks in no time.

Here, let me harvest you
another slice.

Wow!

"Wow" is right!

Hey, TD!

What's with the tree?

This is not
just any tree.

It's a steak tree.

Steak tree?

Steaks don't
grow on trees.

Oh, yeah? Then where
do they come from? Huh?

The grocery store, silly.

And where does the
grocery store get them?

Well...
I'll tell you where.

They pick 'em
off of steak trees.

(laughs)

Oh, you laugh,

but I'll be laughing last.

Laughing with my mouth
full of steak.

What's this?

TD just bought it.

Some guy told him
it blooms steaks.

A tree?
Blossoms steaks?

Bloom, blossom--
same thing.

See, when a
tree blooms...

I'm not a baby!

I know what blossom
and bloom mean.

It's when the buds
on a plant

open up into a flower.

Right, only with
a steak tree,

there's a steak
in the bud instead.

Hmph! That's impossible!

Well, soon I'll be sniffing

the smell of freshly
sprouted meat.

A steak tree?

There's no such thing.

Please let Helen be wrong.

The proof
is in the tasting.

I tasted some,
and it was great.

Let's go!

(Skits barks)

Hey, where
are you going?

Are you kidding?

Steak tree!
Wait up!

to keep up with it also.
This is so cool!

I've never seen
a steak tree before.

Instead of tending
your tree,

we should be tending
to our homework.

You want to plant
homework in the ground?

Won't it get soggy?

No, tend doesn't
mean "plant."

When you tend something,
it means you take care of it.

Like you tend a crop
until it's ready.

(gasps)

Can you imagine fall?

(Skits barks)

Geronimo!

Yee-haw!

Aw, man, I just
raked all those up.

Don't worry, TD.

We'll clean 'em up for you.

(chomps)

I can't wait
for harvest time.

(curious bark)

"Harvest."

It means you pick fruit
or vegetables off the plants.

(barks)

Yeah, and steaks.

(sighs)

Hey, Truman.
Where are you going?

To find an anatomical diagram
of beef for Martha and TD.

We should get going.

MARTHA:
Aw!

(Skits whimpers)
Me, too.

I like it.

Even if it doesn't
really sprout steaks.

Hmm.

Don't listen to them, buddy.

I believe in you.

OG:
TD! Dinner!

(door opens and closes)

(door opens and closes)

(chuckles):
Just checking.

Just checking.

Eh, just checking.

(disappointed groan)

Um, I hate to wake you up,
but I have a favor to ask.

I told all the kids
at school about you,

so if you could hurry up
and bloom some steaks,

I would really appreciate it.

That way, I won't look
like the world's biggest goofus.

Thanks, buddy.

Um, high five.

(ringing)

Hello?

Hey, TD.

I've been doing some
reading on steaks.

According to
this book,

they don't come
from trees.

They come from...
Holy cow!

Exactly.

My tree sprouted buds.

♪ Here come the steaks,
here come the steaks ♪

♪ Yummy in my tummy
Oh, brother.

♪ 'Cause here come the steaks.

(alarm beeping)

If those buds have blossomed,

I get to harvest
my first crop of steaks.

(gasps)

Come on, you guys, hurry!

TD said his tree might
have steak today.

For the last time,

Steaks don't
come from trees.

They come from...

Cow... abunga!

(all eating loudly)

It's amazing!

Oh, it's delicious!

I don't believe it.

No hard feelings.

No, I mean
I don't believe it.

Steaks can't grow
on trees.

Mmm... how did
they get cooked?

Uh, the sun, I guess.

Look, let me show you.

Got any more?

Sorry, guess you'll
have to wait

for the next crop.

Hey, you missed one!

See it on that branch
up there?

I'll pick it.

No! Wait!

(chewing,
smacking loudly)

(spits)

(chuckling nervously)

Gristle.

Hmm.

That wasn't gristle.

I know gristle.

That was tape.

Tape?

How would tape
get on my steak?

Okay, okay,
I confess.

The tree didn't
blossom steak.

I taped it up there.

I had to.

(gasps)

Instead of blossoming
into steaks,

the buds blossomed
into... blossoms.

I knew you were bringing
everyone over,

so I had to think fast.

Please let there be leftovers.

Please let there
be leftovers.

Ah...

Steak tips.

Why didn't you
just tell the truth?

And be totally
humiliated?

Why not?
You're always saying

not to let
a little humiliation

come between you
and a good time.

But I'm not having
a good time.

I'm miserable!

I bet you'd feel better
if you told the truth.

I'd feel better
if I had more steak.

(sighs)

(groans)

I can't believe
I'm doing this.

Being dishonest?
No.

Spending the money
I was saving for a skateboard

on a bunch of beef.

(sniffing)

Okay, that ought to keep
them up there.

And no tape.

I still think you ought
to tell the truth.

I mean, you can't
keep buying steak.

This batch will last
me a long time.

ALICE:
Hey, TD!

I told my friends
about your tree.

Hope you don't mind.

(excited chatter)

I'm going to have to do
a lot more chores.

(sniffing)

Um...

(TD whistles nervously)

(barking)

(yelling)

(yelling)

I can't keep this up.

The chores, the dogs...
the not buying a skateboard.

Hey, TD!

Can I buy a cutting
of your steak tree?

A cutting?
Is that a kind of steak?

I'm out.

No. A cutting is when you cut
off a small part from a plant,

like a branch or a stem.

And do what?

Plant it.

It'll root and grow,

and then I'll have
a steak tree of my own.

Then I won't have
to keep eating yours.

Great idea!

TD, you can't do this.

Why not? It's perfect.

I'll use the money from selling
the cuttings to buy more steaks.

But it's wrong!

And, when Alice
plants that cutting,

she'll find out your
steak tree is a fake.

That's the genius of it.

She'll be too embarrassed
to rat me out.

Her friends will
want cuttings.

Then their friends.

Before you know it, the whole
town will have steak trees.

And no one will be
able to laugh at me.

TD, you can't do that
to your friends.

They're your pack!

If you hurt the pack, well,
you might as well be a cat.

Sorry, Martha.
I have to.

HELEN:
Hey, TD!

Can I buy a cutting
for my mom?

Can I buy one
for my botanist?

Sure, sure. No problem.

I can't do it!

I understand.

If I had a steak tree,

I wouldn't want to cut
any off it either.

No, I can't lie to you.

It's not a steak tree.

It's just a regular old tree.

I taped steak on it so you guys
wouldn't laugh at me

for being
so gullible.

Go ahead, Truman,
make fun of me.

I can take it.

Once, I ordered these
swimming monkeys.

I thought they'd
be great pets.

But they weren't
monkeys at all.

They were just
tiny shrimp.

I bought a hat with
a propeller on it.

I thought it would make me fly.

But all it did was
make me look silly.

There was this one time
my uncle bought me

some never-fading
snobgopper candy

and said the flavor
would last forever.

But it didn't?

No, it did.

But then I got cavities
and my dentist lectured me

about eating too much candy.

Ouch.
Ugh.

Hey, let's all go
for yogurt.

Let's go.
Sure. I'm in.

Me, too.

Hold on.

Is it okay if I
water my tree first?

You're still going
to tend it,

even though it
doesn't sprout steak?

Yeah.
I kind of like it.

Hey, TD, why are all those
dogs outside your fence?

(whimpering)

Welcome to the
Nature Nurture show,

where we teach you
how to tend your plants.

Today, we're going to
talk about sprouting.

When something sprouts,
it's just beginning to grow.

Last week, we planted
some flower seeds.

Let's see if
they've sprouted.

MARTHA:
You can see that these
flowers are sprouting.

TD:
Tend to the sprout

and eventually it will grow
and blossom into a flower.

But... not a steak.

Right-- not a steak.

There are lots of other
things that sprout, too--

like these bean sprouts

or the buds on this branch.

(laughing)

Or the hair on
your head...

If you grow very quickly,
people may say:

My, you sprouted up.

Sprout-- it's how
things grow.

Welcome back.

Did you catch all
the gardening words?

If you watch
the clips again,

it might help plant
them in your mind.

(laughing):
Get it? Plant?

Roll the clips.

"Agriculture" means farming
and the things farmers do

to look after their
crops and animals.

Harvest-- it means you
pick fruit or vegetables

off the plants.

"Produce" is another word that
means fruits and vegetables.

Sorry. I didn't mean
to be a pest.

See you next time.