03x23 - Martha's Worst Best Day/Truman's Brother

[bunniefuu]

♪ Martha was an average dog

♪ She went... and... and...
(barking, growls)

♪ When she ate
some alphabet soup ♪

♪ Then what happened
was bizarre. ♪

On the way to Martha's stomach,
the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain,
and now...

♪ She's got a lot to say

♪ Now she speaks...

How now, brown cow?

♪ Martha speaks

♪ Yeah, she speaks
and speaks and speaks ♪

♪ And speaks and speaks.

What's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

♪ Martha speaks...

Hey, Joe, what do you know?

My name's not Joe.

♪ She's not always right,
but still that Martha speaks. ♪

Hi, there.

♪ She's got a voice,
she's ready to shout ♪

♪ Martha will tell you
what it's all about ♪

♪ Sometimes wrong,
but seldom in doubt ♪

♪ Martha will tell you
what it's all about ♪

♪ That dog's unique...

Testing, one, two.

♪ Hear her speak

♪ Martha speaks and speaks
and speaks and speaks and... ♪

♪ Communicates, enumerates

♪ Elucidates, exaggerates

♪ Indicates and explicates

♪ Bloviates and overstates
and... ♪

(panting)

♪ ...hyperventilates!

♪ Martha, to reiterate

Martha speaks!
♪ Martha speaks.

And now The Martha Report.

Today we look at words
about things that are alike.

My colleague is incorrect.

Today's show is about things
that are not alike.

What you just heard is wrong.

Ladies and gentlemen,
he's just being contrary.

I don't even know
what that means.

But you will if you watch
the show,

which is about opposites.

I'm getting word
that today's episode is

about things
that are opposite...

Aha!
and alike.

So stay tuned, and we'll see
you at the end of the program.

(Jakey cooing happily)

(sighing):
Good morning.

(tired muttering)

We all stayed up
much too late,

cleaning for Granddad's
birthday party.

You guys are wimps.

I don't feel tired.

(gulps)

(coughs)

Didn't anyone notice I put
orange juice on my cereal?

Admit it, Dad,
you're the most tired.

He didn't put
his pajamas on backwards.

Oops.

I'm going to get dressed.

Forwards this time.

Mmm! You know, orange juice
with cereal isn't bad,

once you get over
the initial,

you know, yech.

Ooh!

You like the decorations?

No! They're ugly!

Oh. Okay.

An honest opinion
doesn't offend me.

MARTHA (thinking):
I meant to say,
they're beautiful.

I have to tell her to put
it back up, that I like it.

Take it down.
I think it's ugly!

(gasps)

Okay, Martha.

Honesty is good,

but I'm starting to get
a little offended.

And when you offend someone,
you make them upset or angry.

MARTHA:
I didn't mean to offend Mom.

Why is everything I say
coming out wrong?

Martha, does this
new shirt look okay?

For the party.

I think it makes me look
taller and thinner.

Okay, Martha.

Think about it and say exactly
what you mean.

It's terrible!

It makes you look
shorter and wider.

(whimpers)

Okay, you don't have
to offend me.

You know what
"offend" means?

No, I don't.
I didn't just find out.

This is what I look like
when I'm offended.

Don't you have
anything to say?

(clears throat)

I wanted to offend you.

The shirt is really horrible.

Gah!

(groans)

No need to ask
Mariella's opinion

when even a dog
doesn't approve.

What's wrong with Dad?

That's what his face looks like
when he's offended.

Helen, I'm not worried
about anything I say!

Well, good for you, Martha.

You shouldn't be.

We're family here.

Come on, I have to get
Granddad a pie.

You can help me pick.

(Truman and TD
inhaling deeply)

Ah!
Ah!

Hey, Truman.
Hey, TD.

Buying pies?

No, I just come here
to hang around and smell.

It costs money to eat,

but inhaling is free--
and almost as good.

(inhaling deeply)

Ah!
Ah!

Can we taste
some of the apple?

Sure thing!

That's perfect.

I think we're done.

What do you think?

That is the best thing
I've ever tasted!

So sweet!

That is the worst thing
I ever tasted!

So sour!

Oh. Okay.

We'll try something else.

(burps)

Okay, that's it.

You've tried every pie
in the store.

Martha said "no"
to all the ones I liked

and "yes"
to all the ones I didn't.

Rhubarb-- ugh!

(smacks tongue, sighs)

I got to taste every pie.

Maybe this isn't
such a bad problem.

Why can't Martha and I agree
on anything today?

MARTHA (straining):
It's Ronald Boxwood,

the nicest person
in the world,

and my best friend Nelson.

(laughs)

Your best friend?!

Yes.

Cats are
such wonderful animals.

I like cats so much.

I love them!

Cats are super-intelligent
and beautiful,

especially Nelson,
my best friend.

Nelson is
so nice and sweet,

he must have come down
from Heaven.

Did she...?

Martha loves Nelson?!

Martha would never say that
about Nelson.

There has to be
something wrong with you.

No!

Or maybe not.
Huh?

Maybe Martha isn't sick.

Maybe she doesn't want to say
what she's saying.

It could be that Martha is
saying the reverse

of what she means to say.

Reverse? You mean,
she's talking backwards?

Not exactly.

"Reverse" can mean
"backwards,"

like driving a car
in reverse.

But "reverse" can also
mean "the opposite."

And it looks like,

whenever Martha wants
to say something,

what comes out is
the exact reverse

of what she means
to say.

Martha, is that
what's happening?

No!

Okay.
So that's not it.

Hold on.

Martha, repeat
exactly what I say: Yes.

No.

Hmm?
Hmm?

No.
Yes.

Top.
Bottom.

Fish.
Fish.

Fish? I think
that means

Martha's not saying
the opposite

of what she wants
to say.

Wrong, TD.

You see, the opposite
of top is bottom,

but there's no
opposite of fish.

My friends, it's clear:

Martha is saying the reverse
of what she means to say.

You figured it out, Truman.

We know the problem,
but what's the solution?

How do we cure her?

First things first.

What did you think
of the cream?

Great.

Okay, that's out.

What about the double pumpkin?

I thought that
was the worst!

Two double
pumpkin pies, please.

(panting excitedly)

Terrible decision, Helen.

Thank you, Martha.

We have to figure out why
Martha's saying the opposite

of what she means to say.

Helen, what took
you so long?

Granddad's asking
for you and Martha.

Um, Mom, maybe Martha shouldn't
talk to Granddad right now.

Oh, come on.
Granddad loves Martha.

He'd be insulted if Martha
didn't talk to him

on his birthday.

He's going to be pretty
insulted if she does.

There you are!

Come talk to Granddad.

(whispers):
If you say the wrong thing
to Granddad...

He might be
really happy.

Exactly.

Upstairs.

Sorry, Granddad.

Forgot something!

Back in a minute!

TD:
Wait for us!

Put your arms down, Bernie.

Your circulation.

TD:
Why are we up here?

I don't know.

I didn't know
what else to do.

In order to cure Martha,

we have to know exactly
what's wrong with her.

Correct!

And "exactly" doesn't mean
maybe, sort of,

like what might be wrong
with her.

No!
"Exactly" means

absolutely, positively,
definitely

what is wrong with her.

Um, thank you, TD.

Now, did Martha eat
anything unusual today?

Just alphabet soup.

Right, Martha?

That's
incorrect.

"Incorrect" means wrong.

So Martha means "right."

Right.

So everything's been normal...

except she got a new rubber
happy hot dog this week!

MOM:eaking)
Helen!

Martha,
where are you?!

You guys go ahead.

TD and I will
figure this out.

So you'll keep quiet?

Absolutely not.

Great.

Happy birthday, Granddad!

You're not going to wish me
happy birthday, Martha?

(gulps)

Granddad!
Let's play a game!

Charades!
No talking, starting now!

We can play after
I talk to you and Martha.

But... charades.

Helen,
it's your granddad's day.

(whimpers anxiously)

Any clues on
the rubber happy hot dog?

Looks normal. Happy.

(sniffs)

Smells normal.
Minty.

(hot dog squeaks)

Taste and sound--
normal, normal.

Did biting it make you feel

like saying the opposite
of what you want to say?

No.

Okay.

Or do you mean yes?

No, I mean no.

Unless you mean yes
but you're saying no.

I have the perfect question.

How did that happy hot dog
taste?

Not bad, actually.

Okay, that's normal...
for you.

So, you're enjoying school?

Mm-hmm.

And I bet
you miss Helen all day.

TRUMAN:
Psst!

Psst!

I'll be right back.

Stick around, Martha.

I'm enjoying our visit.

MARTHA:
Oh, please keep up
the yes and no questions!

The happy hot dog wasn't it.

We need to check
what she ate today.

Soup. Same as usual.

Show me.

In the recycling.

BERNIE:
So, Martha,
my dear,

what do you think
of old Granddad, hmm?

You love me as
much as I love you?

MARTHA:
Granddad, I think
you're the...

(clattering)

Everything's okay.

Something just fell,

and I, uh, picked it up.

Maybe it's time
we had some of that pie.

Whew!

(sniffing)

Do I have to
taste this, too?

Because I will.

One can of
dog food: normal.

One can of soup: normal.

ALL:
Happy birthday!

Aren't you going to wish
Granddad happy birthday, Martha?

(whimpers)

Shouldn't we eat
before the pie gets cold?

Or hot?

As soon as my granddog
wishes me happy birthday.

I...

Helen, be polite.

Go ahead, Martha.

(sighs)

Normal, normal, normal.

There's nothing
wrong here.

Hold on.

Do you see what I see?

Someone opened this can...

BOTH:
...on the bottom!

That's got to be it!

She did it wrong, backwards,

upside-down, incorrectly!

MARTHA:
Okay, I can do this.

I hope you have the happiest,

most wonderful birthday
and many more.

I can do it!

I hope you have the rottenest,

most miserable birthday
and very few more.

Oh!

TRUMAN:sping)
Hey!

We found the problem!

I'm not sorry!

I am totally, completely,
absolutely not sorry!

Martha, shush!

I guess
I was so tired this morning

that I didn't notice
which end I opened.

And since the soup came out
of the bottom of the can

instead of the top,
it made Martha say the opposite

of what she meant to say.

Why didn't you just
tell me the problem?

I didn't know why
it was happening.

It seemed weird
and hard to believe.

(laughs)

But, dear,
you have a talking dog.

After that,
I'd believe anything.

(laughs)
Good point.

(clears throat)

Happy birthday and many more.

(cheering and whooping)

Thank you, Martha.

Can we get some
of that pie?

I have to get the taste of happy
hot dog out of my mouth.

MOM:
Sure.

It says right on the can:
"Open top of can."

Guess we know why now.

I learned
a valuable lesson today.

Always follow
the directions on soup.

They're there for
your own protection.

Especially if you have
a talking dog.

I'm Beth Reverse
of Fake Celebrity News,

here in the garden
of Mary Mary, Quite Contrary.

Say hi to the kids, Mary.

Good-bye.

Mary just demonstrated
that "contrary" means

"totally different"
or "opposite."

No, I didn't.

Yes, you did.

No, I didn't.

I'm leaving.

Then say good-bye.

Hi!

Contrary again.

That wasn't contrary.

I just changed my mind.

I can change my mind.

It's a free country!

That's correct.

Is not!

Contrary.

Was not.

We're out of time.

This has been
an eye-opening interview

with Mary Mary
Quite Contrary.

You didn't even ask me
how my garden grows!

What's the point
of doing an interview

if you don't set up
my pitch for silver...?

(grunting)

This is so exciting.

Come on, girls!

(grunting)

(grunts)

(grunts)

Kick it! Kick it!

(grunts)

Whoa.

Oh!

(both cheering
and laughing)

Yeah!

All right!

Girls win!

Good news, everyone.

I can breathe again.

That was
some kick, Alice.

I was thinking about how mad
I am at my brother.

Why are you mad
at Ronald?

He's my brother.

That's enough.

But yesterday, he locked
me out of the house

for no reason.

I thought it was because
you hid his game controller.

Well, that's because he
put a frog in my cereal

and called me a shrimp

and took my hockey stick
to shop class

and sawed it in half.

(sighs)
I wish I had a brother.

Me, too.

I'd be really happy
to have a sibling.

A sibling?
That sounds bad.

It is, trust me.

No, it isn't.

A "sibling" is a brother
or a sister,

like Helen has Jake.

And I have
Ronald.

Ugh!

Well, I think
you're both lucky.

I don't like being
an only child.

Me, neither.

TD, you're not an only child.

I'm not?

You have a sister!

Oh, right.
I forgot.

How can you forget
your sister?

She's in college.

I never see her.

Well, I can't remember
every little thing.

(laughs)

(panting)

Skits' turn.

Ready Skits? Fetch!

(barking)

You all have
siblings.

Even Martha has Skits.

Well, Skits and I aren't
really siblings.

But I know what you mean,

because he does feel
like my brother,

and I don't think
it would be half as fun

if he weren't around.

(barking)
(laughing)

(barking)

(Martha growling
playfully in distance)

Hey! I just had an idea!

Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

If Martha and Skits can be
brother and sister

without being related...

Neither can we!

Huh?

Um, I wasn't
listening.

What did you say?

We could be brothers, too!

Wow! What a great idea!

Hey, let's be
brothers, bro!

Cool, bro!

BOTH:
Bro?!

Hey, bro,
what do you know?

I got myself some yo.

Yo?

Um, yogurt.

Cool.

You know, this being brothers
thing is great.

I don't know what you were
complaining about, Alice.

Yeah, maybe you're just bad
at being a sister.

(spits, coughs)

Alice!

You guys think
it's easy

'cause you've only
been brothers for
ten minutes.

Yeah, try being
around a brother every day.

I bet you two wouldn't
last a week.

Oh, really?

How much
do you want to bet?

Let me get this
straight:

All Truman and I
have to do

is stay around
each other for a week,

and you'll do
all our chores?

Uh-huh.
Yup.

Sweet!

Yeah, but if you guys
start fighting or want to quit,

you have
to do our chores.

It's like getting paid
to go to a party.

Right, bro?

Right!

I'll go see if I can stay
at your house tonight, bro.

TD:
I can't wait
till Truman gets here.

I have so much to show him.

Aha! Found it.

A baseball?

Nope. All of my
old chewed gum.

Here, feel it.

Uh... no, thanks.

Go ahead.

It's heavier
than it looks.

This is going
to be so great!

Do you think
I should bring my striped pj's

or the ones
with Einstein on them?

(laughs)

Einstein.

Definitely Einstein.

My own brother.

(sighs)

We're going to
do everything together.

Checkmate.

Wow.

Stunning endgame.

Shall we read now?

What fun.

We'll go to monster
truck rallies together...

(cheering)

(truck engine roaring)

We'll act out scenes
from operas.

♪ La...

We'll practice
wrestling.

(grunting)

Learn to read
hieroglyphics.

Whoa, neato.
Those are so cool.

We'll invent
our own caveman language.

Ug-ug, aag, eeg, oog.

Wow, being an
older brother

is such an awesome
responsibility.

(giggling):
I'm glad you feel that way.

(Helen and Alice giggling)

Hieroglyphics?

Caveman language?

Can you imagine
what it's going to be like

when those two
get together?

There couldn't be
a bigger contrast.

MARTHA:
Contrast?

Does "contrast" mean
there's a big difference

between two things?

Wow, I knew what
a word meant.

Helen's right.

Everything about TD and
Truman completely contrasts.

Poor Truman.

How is he going to stand it?

Welcome to
your new home, bro.

At least until tomorrow,
when we go to your house.

Uh-oh, bro.

An ant farm.

I really
don't like bugs, bro.

Oh, don't worry.

There aren't
any ants in it.

Whew!
That's a relief.

They looked cramped,
so I let them loose.

Hey, there's one
in your hair.

(gasps)

(screaming)

Poor Truman?

Poor TD!

Bro, I told you not
to touch my dad's inventions.

I'm sorry, bro.

It was dusty.

I'm allergic to dust.

But look what you did
to my dad.

It's okay, I'm fine.

My head's just invisible.

Our Christmas card
is going

to look really weird
this year.

Those two aren't going
to last together an hour,

much less a week.

(doorbell ringing)

Bro.

Bro.

Oh, I'm going to ask Mom

for double chores
this week.

This is so good.

(switching channels)

Ah!

(giggling)

I can't wait to see this.

What's that?

Weather Channel.

Weather?!

(muffled giggling)

What's wrong with it?

What's wrong?

What's wrong is
I didn't know

we got this
channel, bro.

It's awesome!

TD:
Hey, look, variable
high cloudiness.

(cheering, whooping)

Cool.

(giggling)

Superhero, superhero,

sci-fi, monster comic...

(gasps)

Silent Cal Adventure Comix!

Thrilling tales
of our th president,

Calvin Coolidge.

Wow!

This place
is great, bro.

(sighs)

I think I can help you
with your homework... bro.

No school for him
today, I'm afraid.

(giggling)

You cured him.

(twittering)

This does not
look good.

Helen, you can't
give up.

We still have
one day left.

Maybe they'll get
in some big fight.

TD:
Hey, you guys,

thanks for putting me

and Truman together
for a week.

It's been great.

Who knew we had
so much in common?

When you have
something "in common,"

it means you share it
with someone else,

like how Truman and I
have friends in common:

you and Helen.

See ya!

Did TD just...?

Define a word?

Whoa!

Ug-ug, oog, ug.

No... ug, oog, ug, ug.

Oh, right.

Oog is the past
participle.

They're not just pretending
to be brothers.

They're turning into brothers.

Worse-- they're turning
into twins.

Who knew those two
were so similar?

Does "similar"
mean "annoying"?

No.

When two things are similar,
parts of them are the same.

They're kind of alike,
but not identical.

Like both of these are milk,
but one of them is chocolate.

(sighs)

Back to not knowing
what words mean.

Dang.

You know why
they get along?

Because they're not
really siblings.

If they were
really related,

they'd be driving each
other crazy right now.

TRUMAN (distant):
Ug-ug, ook, ug-ug.

Ook-ook, ook-ook!

We are so going to lose
this bet.

Why do our friends
have to be so...

friendly?

(Helen and Alice sigh)

This is going to be bad.

I'd rather be home
fighting with Ronald.

Still, fair is fair.

A bet's a bet.

Might as well get
it over with.

Wait.

What?
I hear something.

That's interesting,
but we have

to get started
on these chores.

I have a feeling they've
been saving them up.

Oh, but I think this
is something

you'll both be interested in.

I can't stand
pretending

to be your brother
for even one more day!

Shh! They'll hear.

I can't sleep on
your dusty floor,

and I need to get back
to doing my homework,

not playing sick and
talking caveman talk.

It's only for one more day.

One day is like two years
when you have nothing in common.

Would you rather
be doing chores?

Because that's what's going
to happen to both of us if...

(Helen clearing throat)

Uh-oh.

ALICE:
If what?

You heard us?

You can't hide much from
these supersonic ears.

You can start
in Jake's room.

You know what?

I'm kind of glad I
don't have a brother.

Me, too.

You've got
to hand it to Helen.

I'm glad I never had

to change your diapers
when you were a baby.

No offense, bro.

None taken, bro.

HELEN:
It'll go a lot faster

if the both of you
quit talking.

ALICE:
And you've still got my chores
to do, so snap it up.

(Truman and TD sighing)

When things are identical,

that means they're
exactly alike.

These guys aren't identical...

but these hats are.

Sometimes twins are identical,

but, in contrast, some twins
aren't exactly alike.

They're still twins, but
they're not identical twins.

Sometimes things
are very, very similar.

They look alike.

They have similar ears,
eyes, noses and tails.

They have common interests...

Mmm! Yummy!

...similar dreams...

(snoring, moaning)

But if there's
one little thing

that isn't the same,
they're...

(deep male voice):
Not identical.

Too bad.

It would have been nice
to have an identical twin.

Now, to recap
today's top words

and to refresh your memory,
let's go to the clips.

Does "contrast" mean
there's a big difference

between two things?

That's right.

"Reverse" can mean
"backwards,"

like driving a
car in reverse,

but "reverse" can also
mean "the opposite."

When two things are "similar,"
parts of them are the same.

They're kind of alike,
but not identical.

That's the news.

Good night, bro.

Good night, bro.

And we'll see
you next time.

BOTH:
Bye.