03x28 - Therapy Dog/Martha's Duck Trouble

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Martha Speaks". Aired: September 1, 2008 - November 18, 2014.*
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A family dog gains the power of speech after the letters in some alphabet soup wind up misrouted to her brain instead of her stomach in this whimsical animated series adapted from books by Susan Meddaugh.
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03x28 - Therapy Dog/Martha's Duck Trouble

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Martha was an average dog

♪ She went... and... and...
(barking, growls)

♪ When she ate
some alphabet soup ♪

♪ Then what happened
was bizarre. ♪

On the way to Martha's stomach,
the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain,
and now...

♪ She's got a lot to say

♪ Now she speaks...

How now, brown cow?

♪ Martha speaks

♪ Yeah, she speaks
and speaks and speaks ♪

♪ And speaks and speaks.

What's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

♪ Martha speaks...

Hey, Joe, what do you know?

My name's not Joe.

♪ She's not always right,
but still that Martha speaks. ♪

Hi, there.

♪ She's got a voice,
she's ready to shout ♪

♪ Martha will tell you
what it's all about ♪

♪ Sometimes wrong,
but seldom in doubt ♪

♪ Martha will tell you
what it's all about ♪

♪ That dog's unique...

Testing, one, two.

♪ Hear her speak

♪ Martha speaks and speaks
and speaks and speaks and... ♪

♪ Communicates, enumerates

♪ Elucidates, exaggerates

♪ Indicates and explicates

♪ Bloviates and overstates
and... ♪

(panting)

♪ ...hyperventilates!

♪ Martha, to reiterate

Martha speaks!
♪ Martha speaks.

Hello. Today's show is all about
being sick.

I'm sure everyone wants
to see a show

about people getting rashes.

(sneezing)

Excuse me.

So, watch for words
like "patient" and "treatment"

and "mend" and "relief."

Though I'm not sure
why anyone would want

to watch a show starring a dog
in the first place.

Why don't you stay here

and watch a nice soap opera
with me?

All right, go ahead.

But don't come crying to me
if you get an allergy.

Ooh...

Bye, Colleen!

Bye, Dallas!

Man, oh, boy.

That Colleen really knows
how to scratch an ear!

(gasps)
Hot ziggety!
More people!

(sniffing)

Bye, guys!

Good seeing you.

Maybe you shouldn't go
dashing up

to everybody like that.

Why? I love people!

Yeah, but not all people
like dogs.

No! Who could possibly
not like a dog?

Oh, boy!

Oh, no. Martha, wait!

(panting)

(gasps)

Uh-oh.

(sneezing)

You. Little dog girl, get
your animal away from me.

I'm allergic to dogs.

Oh, no. No, it's starting.

I can feel it.

My skin is starting to itch.

It's a rash!

BOTH:
Huh?

You'd just better hope
isn't busy!

I feel so terrible
about giving Mrs. Demson a rash.

MOM:
Oh, you're probably
not to blame.

I think she imagines most
of her allergies.

Yeah. She got the
health department

to shut down Alice's
lemonade stand last summer

because the lemon fumes
gave her headaches.

(siren blaring)
There she goes.

I like people so much.

It's sad
when they don't like dogs.

But you know what?

I know a place
that needs a friendly dog.

This morning,
Sam Hardwick told me

the hospital is looking
for a therapy dog.

A what?

A therapy dog.

That's a dog
who has been approved

to visit people in the hospital.

Therapy is what you call it

when you're trying to cure
a disease or heal a wound.

Or just make someone
feel better.

And that's the kind of therapy
you'd be doing.

Therapy sounds
right up my alley.

(Skits barking)

And Skits's alley, too!

MAN:
Well, it looks
like Martha and Skits

have had all their sh*ts
and are in fine health.

I see no reason
why we couldn't use them.

(squeaking)

(growling)

(barking)

Maybe Skits should wait
until he's a little older.

So long!

All right, Martha,
let's get you started.

(groans)

Sorry about that.

Hospital floors can
be pretty slippery

for a dog's paws.

Oh, don't worry about me.

I'll get it.

MAN (over intercom):
Dr. Wall, call two-two-seven.

Nope! I have to learn
how to deal with this.

(laughter)

Oh.

I think you've found
your first patients.

Oh, yes, I'm
very patient.

I don't mind how
long it takes

for me to figure
something out.

No, not that kind
of patience.

He means
the patients.

The people
who are sick

and being taken care of
here in the hospital.

Oh, so patient
can mean a person, too?

Well, what do you know?

A word with two meanings!

(laughs)

Oh, howdy, patients!

Can I go in?

Sure.

Looks like Martha's
going to work out just fine.

(laughter)

(children laughing)

(growling)

On your mark.

Get set. Go!

(cheering)

You've been at it all day.

You getting tired?

Nope. I'm just sad there's
only one patient left.

WOMAN:
Come in.

(coughs)
Oh!

MAN (on TV):
So, what's your bid?

$ . Bid $ .

Hi, there! I'm the hos...

Dog!

There's a dog
in the hospital!

Oh, my rash!

Mrs. Demson,
we have told you every time

you check in here that you
are not allergic to dogs.

Then what is this rash?

I still can't find it.

That's because
you're not looking hard enough.

Look, Martha is bringing so much
cheer to the other patients.

Cheer? Cheer?!

You know, cheer.

When you feel happy
and enjoy life.

Huh. Cheer.

Happy and enjoy life.

Nope. Never heard of it.

Must be one of those new things,
like the rap music.

Now, you know me, Doctor.

I hate to be mean,

but if the little dog girl
doesn't take her rash machine

out of the building
immediately,

I will be forced to take
you and your entire staff

to court!

Slam the door, please.

And don't think I won't
be keeping an eye out!

And if it's
that cheer stuff

you want, you don't need a dog
for that.

I'm sure your patients
would be much cheerier

with a therapy human.

You don't have to
slam it this time.

Sorry about that.

If she's not really allergic
to dogs,

why is she in the hospital?

She takes us
to court a lot.

We thought
it was just easier

to give her a room
and not argue with her.

Does that mean
I can't come back?

Well, why don't we just wait
until she's checked out?

When will that be?

Hmm.

(phone ringing)

Hello?

This is Dr. Hardwick down
at Wagstaff City General.

Could I speak to Martha?

Martha speaking! What's up?

We have a problem.

This morning,
Mrs. Demson volunteered

to be a therapy human.

(coughing)

(crying)

Oh, broken hip,
schmoken hip.

You don't know what pain is
until you've felt my arthritis.

(groans)

(crying)

Oh, now you look very sick!

Ooh, I wouldn't expect
to get out of this hospital

any time soon
if I were you.

(sniffling)

We need your help immediately.

I'm thinking maybe
we could sneak you in somehow?

Whatever you say, Doc!

Therapy work is exhausting!

Ugh! All that cheer
is giving me a headache.

MAN (on TV):
So, what's your bid?

(elevator bells ding)

Oh, Mrs. Smith!

How nice of you to visit!

(TV plays quietly
in the background)

Hmm? What a terrible nose rash
that woman has!

Oh, poor thing!

Must have been licked
by a Great Dane.

(panting)

(indistinct voice over intercom)

(whimpers)

(groans)
Oh!

That dog is back!

Okay, I came up
with another idea.

There's always loud music
playing on her TV.

Maybe we could win her over
with some song and dance.

Of course, Martha!

Everybody likes a good tune.

But do you play anything?

(elevator bells ding)

(horn tooting, drum playing)

(horns toot)

Oh!

(horns toot)

And make sure
you wash off that wheelchair.

I just don't see
any way around it, Doctor.

We have to get her out
of her room for a few hours.

But how?

I don't know.

What's something
she really loves?

So, how is the
rash today, Doctor?

Am I ever going to
get some relief?

Relief?

You're a doctor

and you don't know
what "relief" is? (groans)

"Relief" is when you finally,
finally get rid of your pain

and start to feel better.

I know what relief is,
Mrs. Demson.

I was just expressing surprise
at your using that word,

because you don't have a rash.

(phone ringing)
Hello?

MARTHA (on phone):
How-de-do, ma'am.

I'm just calling from your local
Squiggy Piggy market

to tell you about a great sale
we're having today.

All hard candies % off.

Oh-hoo-hoo!

Dr. Hardwick, she's gone!

You did it, Martha!

Great idea.

Why don't you start here
in the children's ward.

(kids cheering)

Oh, darn!

With all my pain,
I forgot my purse.

Hmm?

(siren blaring)

What is that?

(siren blaring,
indistinct shouting)

Nurse, what's going on?

We don't know.

But we're evacuating
just to be safe.

Good thing I thought
to bring my siren with me, huh?

Mrs. Demson,
what are you doing?

Just alerting
all your allergic patients.

That dog is back.

(siren stops)

Calm down, everybody!

False alarm!

I want you
back in that bed, now.

Hmph.

Maybe we should go, Martha.

They're pretty busy.

I guess you're right.

(call buzzer buzzes)
Wait.

Do you hear that?

Oh, that's just the call buzzer.

"Call buzzer"?

Yeah, patients have
a call button in their room

they press when they need
a nurse. Come on.

It's not our business.
(call buzzer continues)

But the nurses are all
too busy to answer it.

What if a patient
is in trouble?

It's room .

(groaning)

MARTHA:
Do you need something,
Mrs. Demson?

Oh, yes, nurse.

My head is bursting
from all this racket.

Can you get me
a cold compress?

I don't know why you're
doing this for her.

I'm a therapy dog,
aren't I?

Ah, that's such a relief.

Thank you, nurse.

You're the only
person in this hospital

who knows what
the proper treatment is

for a helpless,
old woman in pain.

"Treatment"?

Does no one in this hospital

know their
medical vocabulary?

"Treatment" is the care
you give to a patient

so they get better.

Well, I'm glad this treatment's
doing the trick.

Oh, it is, dear.

There's no better
treatment for a headache

than a cold compress.

(gasps):
The pain is almost gone.

And I can't even
feel my rash anymore.

You're an absolute saint.

(gasps)

Dog!

Glad to see you're
not allergic

anymore,
Mrs. Demson.

DR. HARDWICK:
I have to say, Martha,

you gave that woman the best
treatment possible.

Getting her to touch you
finally made her realize

that her allergy was
just in her head.

Wish I'd thought of it.

All in a day's therapy,
I guess.

Where to?

Squiggy Piggy Mart,
and step on it!

Maybe I can still
make that sale.

(all sighing)

(whimpering)

(bowl clangs, Skits barks)

Skits, you have
to be patient.

Hmm?

It looks like this patient
is going to need a sh*t.

Okay, Skits,
time to eat.

Skits?

You don't have to worry, Skits.

"Patient" means
two different things.

There's a "patient," like
someone who's in a hospital.

But then there's someone who
says you have to be patient.

And that means you have to wait
without complaining.

(barks)

No, not all patients
are patient.

Where is that doctor?

Hurry it up!

Some patients
aren't patient at all.

(TD panting)

Helen!
(doorbell chimes)

Helen! Helen!
(persistent chiming)

What is it, TD?

There's a duck in your window!

Inside your house!

Oh, that's Ralph.

He's staying here
till he heals.

"Heals"?

"Heal" means to get
better or healthy.

He hurt his wing.

Does he have to be
alone to heal?

Because I've never
met a duck.

Whoa!

(quacking)

TD wants to meet Ralph.

Ralph is feeling
a little down.

cheer him up.
Sure!

Hi, Ralph.
I'm TD.

That stands
for "Talks Duck."

(quacking)

Quack, quack, quack...

(Ralph quacks)

He says he's never
heard a worse duck imitation,

and you don't
talk duck at all.

Oh, then TD stands
for "Tickles Ducks."

Tickle, tickle,
tickle, tickle.

(quacks happily)

(ducks quacking, Ralph sighs)

Don't be glum, Ralph.

You'll fly again
as soon as that wing heals.

The bones
in Ralph's wing

need to heal before
he can fly again.

Poor Ralph.

(loud quacking)

Is he that sad?

He says he's not
feeling low,

he's feeling hungry.

(loud quacking continues)

What food do ducks eat?

(quacking)

He says he usually
eats snails,

meal worms
or nit crawlers.

(groans):
There must be something else

a duck will eat.

(quacking)
He doesn't know.

Who would know
what else birds eat?

A parrot's a bird!

So is a vulture.

TD means
Ronald's got a parrot.

So maybe he'd know
what other birds eat.

I'd rather ask a vulture.

(doorbell rings)

RONALD:
Who is it?

It's Helen and Martha.

Hi, Ronald.
Do you...?

Who is it?

Polly, you're late again.

When you hear the bell ring,
before I open the door,

you say, "Who is it?"

It's Helen
and Martha.

(Polly squawks, Ronald groans)

We're taking care
of a little glum duck

while his wing mends.

"Mends"?
"Mends"?

"Mend" means
to get better, to heal.

But we don't know
what to feed him.

Since you
have a bird,

we thought you
might know.

Don't go away.
(squawks)

Don't go away.

You'll find the answer
in there.

"Answer in there."

Thanks, Ronald.

Hmm, maybe Ronald's
not so bad after all.

Now you'll finally find
out how great birds are

and get rid
of those dogs!

POLLY:
"Get rid of those dogs!"

Forget what I just said.

He's worse than I thought.

(persistent quacking)

Helen, this duck
is in a bad mood.

A person's "mood"
is how they feel.

Like happy or sad.

(persistent quacking,
TD screams)

Ralph is acting like
he's in a bad mood

and it's getting worse.

He's not in a bad mood,

he's in a hungry
duck mood.

I found it!

Oh. It says ducks like to eat

"snails, meal worms
and night crawlers."

(persistent quacking)
He said he checked
the whole house

and he couldn't
find any anywhere.

It also says they like
vegetable trimmings.

(satisfied quacking)

That sure
improved his mood.

(demanding quacking)
Now what?

He says I promised
him food, a bed and TV.

And now he's in the mood
to watch TV.

(Skits pants, music plays on TV)

(insistent quacking)

What does he want?
¿Qué quiere?

Ralph says this
is the worst show ever.

He wants to change it.

But this is
your favorite show.

I don't want
him to feel low

while his wing mends.

You can change it.

(channel switches)

♪ Have a seat,
You're in luck... ♪

That's what he wants,
Mushy Duck.

Mushy Duck?

I've got to go home and
wash out the garbage cans.

Suddenly, I'm in the mood
to do my homework.

And I would just love

to go and change
the baby's diaper.

And I wanted to, uh,

move something from somewhere
to somewhere else.

(Skits whimpers)
♪ Mushy, mushy, mushy...

(yawns)

(angry quacking)
Ah!

Okay, I'm watching.

You can't go in.
Ralph's in the tub.

I just want
to brush my teeth.

(Ralph quacking)

He says he's shy.

(quacks happily)

(loud snoring quacks)

How long is
he staying here?

Till he heals.

(Ralph quacking, TD screaming)

(over television):
♪ Mushy, Mushy, Mushy,
Mushy, Mushy, Mushy, Mush... ♪

(snoring quacks)

(quacking)

(persistent quacking)

Psst...

Ralph's in the tub.

Uh, what did you want
to talk to me about?

(whispering):
We called this family
meeting to talk about Ralph,

who's been living here
for three weeks now.

It feels like a year.

Martha, that duck has
taken over our house.

I'm tired of brushing my
teeth in the kitchen sink.

And he snores
so loud

I haven't slept
in three weeks.

And he controls the TV.

Watching Mushy Duck puts him
in a good mood.

But what about our moods?

Mom, Dad, and I
are glum, down, and low.

I keep humming
the Mushy Duck song.

No quiero.

I don't want to hum
the Mushy Duck song.

I want the Mushy Duck song
out of my head!

HELEN & DAD:
Shh...!

(whispering):
So are we all agreed it's
time for Ralph to leave?

Leave?

But I promised he could stay
until his wing healed.

(groans)

It must be
healed by now.

Take him
to the lake.

When he sees other ducks,
maybe he'll fly with them.

Por favor, please, Martha,

I want the Mushy Duck song
out of my head.

Look, Ralph, ducks!

(quacks)

(quacking)

Huh, he doesn't
look so glum now.

Hey, where's
his bandage?

He didn't even notice
it fell off.

I think that means
he's healed.

MARTHA:
Ralph, good-bye!

We'll come visit you.

(quacks)

(worried quacking)

Why are we leaving you?

Because you're healed.

You don't need the bandage.

(quacks "Huh? What?")

(pained quacking)

Oh, no.

Too much, too soon.

He says it feels achy.

Let's play with
some blocks, Jakey.

♪ Have a seat, you're in luck

for Mushy Duck... ♪
Helen, Martha!

Why is Ralph back?

And watching...

(shudders)

...that show?

He says his wing isn't healed.

It hurts worse now,
so he feels down again.

Are you sure he's not faking?

Faking?
What do you mean, faking?

Faking means pretending.

Maybe he's faking
that his wing hurts

when it really doesn't.

Why would Ralph fake it?

Helen, where are you taking
my vegetables?

Ralph said his
friends want a snack.

(ducks quacking)

(Mom gasps)

No.

I'm sorry.

You all go hunt and gather

like you're supposed to!

We cannot feed
every duck in town.

(questioning quack)

Mom says we can't.

(quacks "Aw...")

♪ Mushy, Mushy, Mushy, Mushy

♪ Mushy, Mushy,
Mushy, Mushy Duck. ♪

(Ralph snoring and quacking)

(quacks)

(muttering quacks)

Martha?

You asleep?

(yawns)

I was.

I was asleep, too.

That means Ralph
finally stopped snoring.

No, it means he's not here.

(electronic chirping)

Hey, do you hear a video game?

(all quacking)

MARTHA:
Ralph, where are you?

(quacks urgently)

(all quacking frantically)

Hmm, I guess I left the TV on.

Ralph?

(quacks)

Ralph?

Ralph, what are you doing
down here?

(quacks sleepily)

Oh, he needed a drink of water
and didn't want to wake us up.

How can he need more water
already?

(quacking)

Well, I guess having
friends visit while he heals

isn't such a bad thing.

(quacks)

(gasps)

His wing is healed.

He can fly.

He was faking it.

♪ Mushy, Mushy, Mushy, Mushy

♪ Mushy, Mushy,
Mushy, Mushy Duck... ♪

Ralph?
(quacks "What?")

(pained quacking)

You're a faker.

I saw you fly.

(quacks)

(Mom gasps)

Our house is
full of ducks!

(all quacking loudly)

DAD:
Ralph?

Yes, he can fly.

My glum little duck
is just a faker.

(all quacking)

Ralph.

(sorrowful quacks,
explaining quacks)

¿Qué dijo?

What did he say?

We made this such a great
home, he didn't want to leave.

He's not such a
bad little guy.

He just liked it here.

I bet Ralph's
happy now,

flying around with
all his duck friends.

RONALD:
Hey, Helen.

(both gasp)

Is that my bird book?

Good.

I found this poor, hurt duck,
and I'm going to help him heal.

This book
will come in handy.

Bye.

We have to tell him.

Hey, Ronald!

That duck is faking it.

He's fooling you.

(quacks)

Oh, yeah, sure.

You think he could fool me?

Like I'm not smarter
than a duck.

Eh.

I almost feel
sorry for Ronald

because that is going
to be some party tonight.

(sighing)

Skits won't play.

He just lies
there and goes...

(sighs)

(sighs)

Seems like he's feeling down.

We should do something
to lift his spirits.

Spirits?
What are spirits?

Your spirits are how you feel.

If you say
someone's spirits are low,

it means they feel sad or glum.

If you lift someone's spirits,

it means you make someone
who is feeling sad feel happy.

He sayssadly)
that's right.

Please do something
to lift his spirits.

(whispering indistinctly)

(barking happily)

Wow, what did
you say to him?

I told him he could eat

the piece of hamburger
I was going to give to you.

What?!

How about some burger for
this low-spirited doggy?

I said she shouldn't marry him.

Oh, hello.

Did you catch
all the healing words?

Let's see them again.

Faking means pretending.

Maybe he's faking that his wing
hurts when it really doesn't.

Treatment is the care you give
to a patient so they get better.

A person's mood is how
they feel, like happy or sad.

Just listening to those words
makes me feel ill again.

Excuse me,
I have got to go lie down now.

(snoring)
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